I choose the Allure Clinic in Toowoomba after much research because a) Dr Magnusson has multiple 5-star reviews, b) he has a few short youtube videos about various procedures that allowed me to actually see what he was like (at least on camera) and c) it's the closest clinic to my home town.
Updated on 2 Apr 2017:
I’m starting this blog as a ‘thank you’ to all the other blog-writers whose stories I’ve read and re-read and that gave me the courage to start my journey. This is my first blog, so please forgive any long-windedness (or is that detail? You said you liked detail here…). I hope my story gives someone the courage to make a life improving decision, just like reading other women’s stories did for me… :)
So, here we go…
Backstory
I’m a 21 yr old university student studying online because I live 4 1/2 hours drive west of Brisbane. I weigh 64.9kgs which is very normal for me, have a BMI of 22, stand at 1.7m and have a bra size of 8GG (or 30GG depending on country). I’ve never had children or any kind of romantic/sexual experience (hetero, just not interested).
My journey of self-discovery started with a moment of profound self-loathing. I have battled with bra fit since I was 16 and first had difficulty finding a bra that was big enough in the cup but small enough around the ribs. The best I could do was a 12DD from Target, the largest department store in my rural town. Three years later (I was 19), when the 12DDs were so old that the elastic was virtually non-existent, I decided to make my own bra because I couldn’t stomach another tortuous shopping trip. Women have got by for aeons without shop-bought bras, so why can’t I? With a length of flesh-coloured homespun I got to work.
The idea was right, but making it work was something else. Three hours at the sewing machine and I finally had a harness to my liking. I call it a harness because… well, that’s what it was. A single strap that started at the top of the left breast, ran up and over the shoulder, down across the back and under the opposite arm, across the ribs under the breasts, up the back to the opposite shoulder and over to the top of the right breast. Two squares of homespun, shaped with pleats, connected the straps to the rib-strap running under the breasts to form the cups. There was also a narrow strap that ran from the top of one cup down around the rib-strap and up to the other cup. This served to keep my boobs separated (I hate that sweaty feeling) and to keep the rib-strap in place, right up under the breasts. No, it wasn’t pretty or very comfortable, but it did the job. The harness effectively stopped vertical bounce and it held my breast flatter against my chest so they weren’t as noticeable. It did have downsides though: the criss-cross straps ran over the upper shoulder, right next to my neck (I suddenly wore polo shirts all the time); the rubbing of the homespun on my neck made it red; if I lay down one or both boobs would fall out of the sides of the cups; the straps cut into me were they swept up the side of the breasts leaving deep, red lines when I took the harness off. It needed to be washed every night because of the under-boob sweat. After about a year of every-day wear it started smelling kinda funky all the time, no matter how well I washed it, and holes were appearing in the homespun.
Updated on 2 Apr 2017:
For the record, I’m an 8GG; however, I didn’t know that until April 2016 when I was 20, having my first fitting in a Brisbane store. In Myer, the assistant measured me, declared I was an 8GG and that they didn’t stock my size. I remember walking out of the store almost in tears, passing endless rows of lovely, lacy lingerie seemingly mocking me. The scene played out again in David Jones, where I pretended I hadn’t just been fitted and asked for a fitting. I was once again an 8GG and once again, “Sorry, we don’t stock that size” rang in my ears, but another assistant came over and told me that there was a place that catered to my requirements on the outskirts of Brisbane, Big Girls Don’t Cry Any More. I thanked her mechanically and left the store in a daze. Was this normal? Why was this happening? Self-doubt and denial vied for attention as I made my way back through the rows of shirts and blouses. Outside, sitting on a bench watching people make their busy way up and down Brisbane’s main street, I tried not to cry as I phoned Dad to explain why his borrowed bank card hadn’t been used. He was predictably dismissive of the fittings, told me to go find this other store tomorrow and not to worry, it’ll be alright.
The next day as I approached the shop, I couldn’t help watching my reflection in the window. Bounce, bounce, bounce. I inwardly cringed and softened my stride so as to walk as smoothly as possible. Inside, a bubbly assistant came over and asked if I needed a hand with anything. I told her my story and she soon had me in a fitting room with some enormous looking bras to try. I settled on a sports bra, thinking that surely it would live up to its blurb, minimising bust movement and feeling “supportive like you’ve never felt before”. I mean, $90 has to count for something, right?
Updated on 2 Apr 2017:
Back home on the property, I settled into the new bras. They were hot, restrictive, didn’t stop the underside of the breast from sweating against the ribs (eeew!) and the under-wire dug into my upper abdomen unless I sat bolt upright and if I did, I felt like I needed some black and yellow safety tape to put across my T-shirt in case people ran into me… just kidding, but I quickly got used to having metal digging into my stomach. I also felt very self-conscious in public because the “support and separate” ideology made walking bouncy. I developed a subtly slumped, smooth walk that replied on flat shoes and soft knees to keep my chest still (and please, no head-winds!). Wearing shirts for work was awkward because I always needed a safety pin between the first three buttons and often above the top button too, if the shirts was an ‘open neck’ design. Nothing with decorations, chest pockets, tapered waists or open-necked was psychologically comfortable. I lived for baggy T-shirts. As I wrote in my diary one night:
”I make it sound like it doesn't bother me when I go shopping, I just say I don't like the style of girls clothes or the colours. But I do like girls clothes, I just can't wear them. Open necks and tapered waists just enhance what's already too noticeable, especially if I'm wearing a shop-bought bra ("lift and separate", pfff!) And if I'm wearing my harness, I have straps all across my chest which are only covered by a high-necked shirt (call me vain) – like a men's XS. I've become so used to wearing baggy T-shirts I rarely care any more. Wearing the shop-bought bra with pretty much anything makes me feel like I look like a hussy, not to mention it digs into my shoulders and is hot and rigid. I have two shirts that I can wear with it that don't look risqué, but I still have to safety-pin between the buttons. I hate to be thought of as being ‘easy' because of my anatomy. Almost all the articles I have read (and I've read a lot) have mentioned the difference in treatment from guys before vs. after reduction. I was wolf-whistled at in Toowoomba on the street. I hated it - made me feel slutty and so very sad. Fortunately I was near to a shop to hide in.”
Given my general dissatisfaction with the shop-bought bras, I decided to make another harness. All went well until I got to the fitting and discovered I’d sewn the pleats wrongly, so my boobs spilled out either side of the cup. It was there, sitting on the floor staring at myself in the mirror, with too-tight straps digging in and uncontained flesh spilling out, that I felt truly disgusted with my body. Tears pouring down my face, I ripped the harness off and bundled up all the material, threw it petulantly across the room and sank into a chair to mope. Opening a browser, I typed in “breast reduction”. I read forum posts, “I did it, it was awesome” personal stories and cosmetic surgery website blurbs and even went so far as to call a couple of clinics to enquire about waiting times and prices. I had no intention of booking an appointment, but I had a fantasy going that I could get the procedure done. I didn’t mention it to my Dad because, based on past experience, I had good reason to believe that he wouldn’t have a bar of it; after all, the body the vessel in which we reside - it should be cared for, not cut up and changed. I didn’t want to appear like I hadn’t listened, self-absorbed, ungrateful or vain in asking for such a drastically body-altering and expensive procedure. For my whole life my father has given me everything I’ve needed and much more besides; how could I ever justify asking for anything more?
Updated on 2 Apr 2017:
After a week of this obsessive research, I grew tired of the whole thing. It became just another personal annoyance to be quashed and I numbed myself to the discomfort of wearing the sports bras. Then a few months later I overheard Dad talking about my self-defence interests, saying it is very good that I have the confidence to handle myself in a bad situation because my “physicality will appeal to that mentality”. Tears welled. I hadn’t thought about that side of it that much but to hear Dad say it so matter-of-factly was heart breaking. It also got me thinking as to why I have a niggling but persistent reticence to be an active member of the aeroplane and glider club, let alone skydiving again. Although playing in a musical was easier because I could just stay hunched over my keyboard, hiding in my two-sizes-too-large black shirt, in the aviation industry it’ll just be me and my intellect. I want to be recognised because I’m good at what I do, not because the buttons on my shirt strain to do their job. Or at a drop zone, I want to be remembered by “Hey, that girl can really fly,” rather than ”Hey, that chick has a great rack” (although I’m sure they wouldn’t be that polite anyway).
I decided to try again to do away with conventional bras and make another harness. That night I was preoccupied and my Dad asked what was on my mind. With tears running downs my face, I told him that I was going to try to make the harness again because of what he said. Somewhere in the muddle of paternal reassurances that my body was fine the way it was, I mentioned that if I had 10,000 dollars to spare… He picked up on it, saying “What, you’d get a reduction?” Oh well, no going back now.
“Yes.”
“Right, we’ll make it happen.”
Those were the best five words I’ve heard in a long time. After he left, I just sat in my room and cried. How could I have got the equation so wrong? Based on past experiences, he should have said no, yet he didn’t… But at least it’s happening. Now I’m worried about how we’ll pay for the procedure and hoping I won’t have to say overnight and be away from my kangaroo, Lucy. 10,000 dollars is three times as much as I make in a year, but I know not having to deal with GGs for the rest of my life will be absolutely worth every cent.
Updated on 2 Apr 2017:
I had researched some cosmetic clinics in Brisbane and one in Toowoomba, but chose the later because it was so much more accessible than Brisbane and the doctor had nine 5-star reviews for various procedures. I had read that Medicare can help out with a rebate for reduction mammaplasty, so I booked in with my local GP. It was very straight forward – I told the doctor about all my insecurities and physical discomforts and she wrote out a referral: “Thank you for seeing this patient for bilateral breast reduction. Impacting on life (posture, career choice, exercise). Size 8GG.” The Friday, 31st March 2017, I was booked in with Allure Clinic in Toowoomba for a consultation.
Updated on 2 Apr 2017:
Allure Clinic is a modified house on the corner of a back street on Toowoomba’s eastern side. The neatly trimmed lawn and flower beds were covered in autumn’s first dew, as my appointment was at 7:30am (meaning I’d had to leave home at 4:45am). The brushed steel door [RS bleep] had a sticker above it saying “turn left” - who knew. Inside, the foyer was lit with strange oblong lamps hanging in rows from the high ceiling. A strip of wood flooring connected the front door to the back door with a kind of walkway and carpet lead off right and left to consultation rooms and the kitchen. A smiley young receptionist with her face immaculately painted on greeted me and after I filed out some paperwork, I was told to wait for the nurse. By the time she arrived I was so nervous that my hands were shaking and I was sweating even though it was cold in the foyer.
I was taken into one of the consultation rooms, all white except for one wall painted a hard blue, probably to better outline people’s silhouettes. After taking down some detailed medical history (me answering “no” to each question about blood pressure, diabetes, cancer, kids, medication, etc.), she asked me about my symptoms. With my hands twisting together, which I’m sure she noticed, I told her about not being able to find shirts that fit and how I hate shopping because of it; how I have pain in my back and shoulders from hunching; how I feel embarrassed and self-concious of my bust entering a room before me. She had me rate my discomfort out of 5: back pain (3), bra straps (2), breast pain (3 or 4 depending), social effects (5) and others I don’t recall. I explained about the skydiving and that now I was not a teenager, I would be a target for the guys. She nodded wisely and rummaged around in a drawer, producing a huge camera. I took off my shirt and stood over a blue plastic octagon about 1 foot across, arms out and back as instructed, turning for five photos: side, 45 degrees, front on, 225 degrees, other side. Then I repeated the process without my bra. Finally, I stood in front of a machine that flashed an extremely bright light and I watched as a 3D virtual reconstruction of my torso and chest formed on the computer. Back on with the clothes and out to the waiting room where I sank one of the tan coloured chairs, now waiting for the doctor who was running a bit late, so I had time to really get nervous – probably why I absorbed so many of the following details…
Updated on 2 Apr 2017:
Dr Magnusson arrived through the back door, so I saw him as he strode past and disappeared around a corner behind reception. He was tall, probably in his late forties or early fifties. Salt-and-pepper hair combed back, clear-rimmed glasses framing light blue eyes, a dark blue suit jacket outlining broad shoulders and jeans with 1-inch turn ups over black boots with a strap around the heel. No overpowering cologne, thank goodness. A few minutes later he reappeared behind the counter, then looked up at me and beaconed that I could come through. I followed him around a corner into a very neat, modern office and sat awkwardly in one of the two chairs next to the desk as he rattled off his name and title. His voice had a slightly more nasal quality than I was used to from an Australian and his right upper teeth were more worn than the left. There was a white lab coat with his name embroidered on a pocket draped over the back of his chair; two huge Mac screens dominated the desk space, reflecting the light from the old fashioned windows that ran the entire length of the northern wall. A multi-directional microphone sat between the Macs.
After enquiring about what I was studying at uni while he opened my file, Magnusson asked me about my symptoms. I repeated what I had just told the nurse, to skittish to do anything more. He then proceeded to go through the list of complications and some old case-files, explaining before versus after photos and results for other women of my size. A Windows tablet was showing the bra-less front-on picture from the photo shoot with the nurse, and he drew on the photo to explain what my particular surgery would do. I didn’t say much during the explanations, mostly because I already knew most of what he talked about from my own research; I just indicated that I understood everything. Nothing he said contradicted any of what I’d learned about the procedure and it all made sense. Then came the really scary part, probably the reason I was so high on adrenaline…
“Hop up on that couch, without shirt and bra so I can do some measurements.”
Behind the door was a bed/couch thing with a thin mattress and thinner pillow in a protective cover. It must have been adjusted to a comfortable standing height because it was to high to sit on and had a wooden step so patients could get up. I removed my jacket, shirt and bra, climbed the two steps and sat there, frozen in place. I could feel my body was so tense it was shaking slightly as I stared fixedly at a worn patch of carpet. Magnusson came over, extended the tape measure with a flourish and proceeded to measure my breasts in every way possible, each number jotted down on a form, although I was too panicky to remember exactly what was measured. When at last the tape was furled, he told me to lie back and that he was going to feel for lumps and bumps. Gulp. Why was I so freaked out? Sure, this was the first time I’d ever been shirt- and bra-less in front of a man but get a grip, he’s a doctor and I’m doing this so he can fix my body! Get a grip, girl! I lay back on the hard mattress, feeling the weight of my breasts shift and sag onto my upper arms. With trembling hands tightly clasped over my belt buckle and eyes fixed on a point on the white ceiling, I waited for Magnusson to return from shuffling papers on his desk.
This is where it gets strange for me: I remember being aware of the dark outline of his head against the white ceiling as he stood by my shoulder, but then my memory gets sort of fuzzy. I remember the feeling of two fingers briefly massaging my right breast, pressing in a circular motion in three places but when he did the same on the left I remember nothing of the sensation, nor the visuals. It’s like static on a video feed. My memory returns with a light tap on the ribs and “You can hop up and get dressed now.” I did so, noticing the tone of his voice had softened with that sentence. I wonder what he saw in my face.
When I was dressed and once again sitting awkwardly in the chair, he explained about size outcomes, realistic goals and specific complications (scar presence and hypertrophy, decreased nipple and areola sensation, nipple necrosis, asymmetry, skin necrosis, fat necrosis, seroma, pain, decreased ability to breast feed, recurrent ptosis, suture reaction, cyst formation, Mondors disease and that further surgery may be required), but also assured me that people in good health rarely experience many complications. There is a limit regarding how much tissue can be removed in the procedure and although in some cases the surgery has to be repeated for patients still feeling ‘too big’, it usually reduces the breast size to average proportions in relation to the body. He explained that some people worry about being too small, some want average proportions and some want as small as possible. I informed him that I would absolutely not complain about being too small and to please put me in the average/small category. He gathered all the papers together.
“Obviously, you are a very good candidate for this procedure and you’re welcome to book the surgery if you feel that’s what you want do, after you’ve given this whole thing some thought.” I smiled ruefully at him, and realised it was the first time I’d smiled during the whole consultation. “I’ve already thought about it a lot.”
He chuckled. “Yes, most people have.”
He got up, and I followed suit. “Any more questions for me?”
I fidgeted with my hands, “Not yet, it’s all been kind of a blur.”
The crows-feet around the doctors eyes crinkled as he smiled reassuringly at me. “Yes, usually people remember the questions as they’re going out the door but don’t worry, if you have any questions the girls at the front know all about the procedure, they can help you out.”
I took the proffered paperwork and thanked him.
“My pleasure.”
Updated on 2 Apr 2017:
The practise manager took me into yet another office to talk about the cost. Magnusson’s fee would be $6,275. There would also be a surgical assistant at 10% or 20% of the doctors fee, depending on who it was. Then came the hospital day surgery cost, St Andrews maximum cost $2,349 (hospitals always over-quote) and finally the Anaesthetist which would be around $1,000. Medicare rebates are available for some of the costs, but I would have to pay everything first, then obtain the rebate. The waiting list was about a month. She said that $10,000 would be a safe allowance, but that it wouldn’t end up being entirely out-of-pocket. I thanked her and left, reeling from all the new information and strange experience.
Updated on 2 Apr 2017:
I've placed the $500 deposit with Allure Clinic and am now waiting for all the quotes to come in. I will post again when I have all the costs sort out for the assistant doctor, hospital and anaesthetist.
Updated on 4 Apr 2017:
Ok, Dad has been approved for a $14,000 credit card thing from Commonwealth Bank, low interest and all that. Which is good because instead of having to come up with about 10k in a month, we can finalise everything and make gradual payments later. Now, the final costs are…
Surgeon - $6200 due two weeks before, GP assistant - $800 due two weeks after, anaesthetist - $1000 due three days before, hospital day surgery - $2400 due on the day. Medicare rebates are available for everything except the hospital because I don’t have a health fund. A nurse from the hospital will call me two weeks pre-op to discuss medical history and then the day before surgery to confirm admission time.
So, that’s the latest… only 39 days to go (but hey, who counting?)
Updated on 7 Apr 2017:
I’ve been thinking about what will change for the better after the surgery is complete and the healing process is settled. I’ll be able to… stand with a straight back and open shoulders – be comfortable in my body and feel that my mental and physical projections match – go running and biking again – resume skydiving and get my instructor’s rating – stay for the weekend at the gliding club without reservations – reach my ideal level of physical fitness – buy bras and tops from regular shops – wear sleeveless shirts in summer – wear dresses. That’s all I can think of for now… I’m sure more will come later :)
Updated on 1 Jun 2017:
Yeah, it's been ages... but a lot has happened. At first, I canceled with Allure clinic because the hospital time didn't work with my travel needs, then I tried another place in Brisbane, but turns out they don't get Medicare coverage... So now I'm back with Allure Clinic (thank goodness) and the clock is ticking once again.
It's now FOUR DAYS till the surgery!!! I can't believe it's actually happening!!! Sorry also for the previous mega-posts, I was overwhelmed and needed an outlet.
I won't post again until it's over and I'm ready to say 100% worth it :) Till then...
Updated on 8 Jun 2017:
Ok, so there's no bad pain, just a little twinge if I move too fast or far. There's no bleeding or oozing from any of the suture lines. Honestly, the most annoying feeling is the sticky tape, but I can live with that :)
Updated on 9 Jun 2017:
Ok, so… on Tuesday 6th June I arrived at St Andrews Hospital, Toowoomba, at 8:00 AM. After being directed to the Day Surgery in block 2, I had a medical history chat with a nurse, paid for the surgery and was told to wait for my name to be called. 5 minutes later, it was. Another nurse took me through to a tiny room off a corridor, took my blood sugar level, blood pressure and heart rate and asked if I was allergic to anything. I was then given hospital clothes to change into: a blue-green cotton dressing gown over a dress/tunic/thing that did up at the back that looked (and felt) like it was made out of curtain fabric. Under that were compression stockings that took 5 minutes to get into, grey ankle socks with non-slip rubber stuff on the sole and a pair of disposable pantaloons. My clothes and shoes went into a white garbage bag and were quickly spirited away. I was then lead through some more corridors to another waiting room. This one had two rows of deluxe wheelchairs almost all containing an elderly people in various stages of sleep; the chairs resembled well-worn TV recliners in shades of cream and light brown vinyl and each sat on a six-wheeled steel frame. I was directed to a brown chair in the back corner of the room, given a dark blue self-warming blanket and another cream fluffy through, and told to wait… Which I did for the next 1 and ½ hours… The TV was boring and the magazines were old. Orderlies came by now and then to take various people to “get settled in a bed”. The room slowly emptied until it was just me and a couple of old ladies in the opposite corner, still waiting…
About 10am, nurse Ruth from Allure Clinic came by and took me into a tiny consultation room. She explained that she would be helping with the surgery, fitted me for a post-op bra and asked me to wait there so the anaesthetist could do the pre-op 20-questions. After she bustled out, I stood and admired a picture on the wall above the examination table which featured women in corsets and parasols strolling by a lake, with a little township in the background.
The anaesthetist was not what I had expected, but in a good way. Dr. Brodie was tall, probably late 30s, with subtly dyed hair under his blue hospital cap and a day or two unshaven. He looked the sort of person who would be quite at home with an electric guitar, rocking out to some Rolling Stones or Pink Floyd. He asked me what I did (music teacher) and from there we got chatting about music – turns out he’s a cellist, with a very musical family! I really liked him, which I’m glad about because I felt better knowing the person who’s going to be basically keeping me alive for the next two hours is someone I can connect with and have some faith in, as opposed to just another ’doctor’ (not that I don’t have faith in doctors, but you know what I mean...)
Then came Dr. Magnusson (...speaking of doctors...) to do the pre-op mark-up. He asked how I was feeling, explaining that it was fine to be nervous and that he’d be surprised if I wasn’t. After confirming that I want as much off as medically safe, he asked me to sit on the examination table with shirt and bra off. This made me giggle because I was wearing the hospital curtain-dress and obviously no bra, which means that line must be one of his more commonly used phrases. Anyway, I sat on the table, consciously straightening my back so he could have a naturally-postured ‘canvas’ to work with. Most of what he drew was freehand, with only a couple of measurements. I stared at the examination curtains the whole time (they’re cream with blotches of light purple, green and russet) still plagued by anxieties and wanting to curl up and cover my chest. During this stage of the artwork, he only touched my breasts to lift them and draw and measure underneath. Then he asked me to lie down. More drawing followed but for some reason at this point my anxiety vanishes. As I lay there with Dr. Magnusson leaning slightly over me, moving my breasts from side to side and up and down, putting the finishing touches to his composition, I felt quite calm and even a little happy. (I know that sounds weird – I don’t mean to make this seem weird, I’m just trying to convey my personal experience.) Soon I was sitting again and then the artwork was finished. After he had gone, I went to the tiny bathroom to see what he’d done; shame I didn't get a pic of the mark-up, it was quite impressive - green, blue and red lines, curves and numbers all across my chest! I’d just settled back into ‘the chair’ when another nurse, Dell, came me to take me to the theatre (finally!). I was lead around a corner and through huge sliding frosted-glass doors with the medical twisted snake logo. Pristine white medical equipment lined the mid-blue theatre walls and in the centre of the room was the operating table, under huge lights and arrays of medical gadgetry. It looked like a set out of Marvels Dr. Strange movie. I sat on the table and the anaesthetist put the cannula in my left hand, followed by a huge slug of antibiotics that reminded me of Bougainvillea flowers. Then the nurse helped me undo the curtain-dress so it could come off easily and had me lie back on the table. The last thing I remember is Dr. Brodie holding my left hand, a cool tingle running up my arm, looking up into the huge lights and thinking “this is it...” The awareness of my body fades and the lights seem to float closer...
Updated on 9 Jun 2017:
Sorry the story is a bit out of order...
It's day 5 and I haven't needed any pills since yesterday morning. Nerves are starting to wake up now :) Twice today I had a hot-needle-prick feeling along the suture line of my right areola, only lasted maybe half a minute. Sometimes various places tingle, but that's it (boring, right?)
Updated on 10 Jun 2017:
Yep, things are definitely starting to wake up! Sensations encountered so far include: feather-brush nerve tingles/intense warmth just below the skin, particularly on the horizontal suture line/hot needle pricks/intense but short-lived tingling and itching. I can move around normally and stand straight without discomfort.
It is recommended to sleep on my back for the first week, and I read in a blog that a ‘nest’ works well to stop movement. I’ve included a photo of my nest because it really does work! (Yes, my room is a caravan...) For the last 5 nights I’ve slept on my back without any problem and the pillows also keep everything warm. It’s early winter here and the mornings are usually between 0 and 5 degrees centigrade but in my nest it’s so cosy! I go to bed around 8pm, with a hot water bottle for my feet and I’m good till 7:30am!
Updated on 10 Jun 2017:
Procedure: bilateral breast reduction. Pre-op Dx: macromastia. Findings: present symptoms of mastomegaly, axillary volume, larger breast. Technique: Hall Findlay technique with horizontal scar modification, right 400, left 440, liposuction for contour med and lat only, haemostasis, gland suture 2/0 Maxon, skin 3/0 Monocryl, Fixomul/Micropore. Post-op Orders: Brufen/Panadol/Targin/Endone, SCDs to remain in situ, low surgical DVT risk, standard BBR care path, notify concerns.
Blahhhh – medical talk! I think 400 and 440 are grams removed, but it doesn’t say. Makes sense though, because each was about 600+ grams before and ol’ lefty was bigger, so… The drugs mentioned are various degrees of pain reliever. Panadol is your standard headache pill; Brufen is pain relief/anti-inflammatory; Targin is slow release moderate pain relief/anti-nausea, for overnight; Endone is serious pain relief and only provided in case of “break-through pain”. The Micropore (aka brown masking tape) comes off next Wednesday at 2 weeks and the gland suture dissolves after 6 weeks.
Updated on 11 Jun 2017:
...There’s a plastic breather thing over my mouth and nose…
...Hospital ceiling, curtains, bed tipped up a little, my chest feels strange, I pull the breather off because the air tastes like plastic. A nurse appears by my side and gently puts the mask back in place, saying I’ve been asleep for a long time and something about needing to breathe yucky plastic air. As soon as she’s gone, I take it off again…
This time I stay awake. The nurse returns and pulls the curtains closed around my bed. My legs feel sort of distant, like I’m controlling them but there’s a delay in the signal. She helps me get dressed in normal clothes and I’m silently relieved that I chose the shirt with pop-fasteners instead of buttons. I stand for a minute to put my jeans on, then collapse into a deluxe wheelchair so the nurse can do my shoes. Then she wheels me out to a waiting area and a few minutes later my mum and dad are ushered through. I’m told I have to see Dr. Magnusson before I can be discharged, so we wait. Still dopey and uncoordinated, I have to shuffle with one hand on the wall to get to the bathroom. Whatever the anaesthetist gave me was really good, as I don’t feel sick or anything, just groggy and with the reaction time of a sloth. Some time later (10 minutes? 30 minutes?) a nurse helped me to another tiny consultation room. Dr. Magnusson asked how I was feeling and pressed on my chest in a few places to make sure everything was still soft. The nurse leads me back to the chair; dad’s gone to bring the car around to the pick-up zone and as soon as he ‘s there mum helps me to shuffle to the elevator. Outside the hospital an icy wind is blowing, the kind that goes right through you. I gingerly get into the car, put the seat right back and pray the roads are smooth between here and the motel (they weren’t).
Updated on 12 Jun 2017:
I am AMAZED how much difference this had made to my life, even in just a week. I didn’t realize just how much I hated my breasts. Now I wake up in the morning without a weight on my chest. I don’t have to partially wake during the night to stuff a pillow between them. When I sit, there’s no horrible breast-on-tummy feeling. I’m constantly correcting my posture, reconditioning myself NOT to slouch; apparently my ’normal’ posture pre-op is shown for what it was: rolled over shoulders and sunken chest. I’ve also met three ribs that I haven’t seen before. There’s no other way to say it:
I feel free.
Updated on 12 Jun 2017:
I couldn't resist doing a comparison in photoshop... Wow.
Updated on 13 Jun 2017:
8 days!
I got a new sensation this morning. I had been upright for about 3 hours and then lay down to enjoy the winter sun. Just after reaching horizontal, I got a firm-thumb-pressure feeling moving slowly along my right breast, from the nipple outward until it faded toward my ribs. Lasted about half a minute. It was almost painful, with a very distinct outline and pressure feeling. Never had it before and usually changing position from upright to lying down is a relief, not a cause for discomfort (that's for getting up!). Anyway, just thought I'd mention it...
Updated on 14 Jun 2017:
I write about the physical improvments because they are easier for people to understand, but I need to make it clear that although the physical changes are great, they're by far not the mot important improvment.
The most noticable shift has been psycological. I can't put it into words easily because to understand exactly what I mean you'd have to know me, my history and my beliefs. Perhaps the best way to sum it up is: I was living a lie. It would have been horribly hypocritical for me to continue living as I had, pretending everything was fine, whilst constantly hiding my figure, and a major part of my personallity, from the world. I was constantly conflicted, wanting to reach out and meet people, discover new things and learn new skills, yet always afraid of being myself because I wasn't comfortable in my own body. People used to say I'm shy; I now realise that's because instead of projecting my personality as people normally do, I held it back, constructing a barrier between myself and the world.
I find now that I can be more out-going, candid, authentic, relaxed. I have never felt this comfortable in my body -- I know that sounds wierd but it's a completely genuine statement. Like I said, you'd have to know me ;)
Updated on 15 Jun 2017:
The notable improvement of today is ... I slept on my side last night! Only a few hours and only the left side, as the right is still a bit bruised, but ohhhh it was SO GOOD not to be on my back!
Updated on 16 Jun 2017:
The sticky tape – sorry, Micropore dressing – is driving me crazy! The suture lines are starting to get that subtle, healing tingly-itch that makes me just want to PEEL THE TAPE OFF! A couple of the corners are lifting, which doesn’t help with temptation… But hey, it’s coming off in three days anyway. In other news, I have an almost normal range of movement back and can manoeuvre through daily life without any inconvenience or discomfort. (Apparently I move normally too. I live with an older lady who doesn’t know the real reason why I was away overnight and she still hasn’t caught on.)
Updated on 21 Jun 2017:
I’ve been unstuck! (Is that similar to being unhinged?) My 2-week post-op appointment with the practice nurse, Ruth, was uneventful but relieving. The original Micropore is all off and replaced by new, narrower stuff. The glue is counteracted by baby oil (which is great because I love the smell of Johnson’s baby oil) so I smear the tape in mineral oil and it just peels off. I have to change the tape every ten days for the next three months to keep the edges of the wounds smooth. Also, I have no external sutures. That was the most amazing part – maybe I’m just not up to speed with current medical practices, but I find that incredible that the skin is sewn back together using the sub-dermal layer.
The skin that’s been under the Micropore for the last two week is a bit numb on the surface; I can feel pressure but not the actual touch in some places, but that will probably change soon. According to Ruth, I’ve been over-padding my bra! Now the tape is minimal, I’m using circular make-up pads only over the horizontal suture line, which itself is way smaller than I expected.
I'm loving my new boobs more and more as I get to know them :)
Updated on 22 Jun 2017:
I went shopping today – clothes shopping. For the first time, I can walk into the women’s section of the local Target and not have to think about whether I could fit into this or if that’s got enough coverage or whether the other has buttons to safety-pin. I tried on a blouse and a dress, both size 8 and they fitted! I’m a size 8 all over!!!
The other cool thing was the check-out lady knows someone who is considering a BR, so I told her about this site and gave her Dr. Magnusson’s clinic contact details. I wish her all the best :)
The comparison photo shows the new dress with the before bra (stuffed with tissues to keep it rounded) and now. I've also added some of the clinical 'befores', because they wouldn't upload when I first started this blog.
Updated on 22 Jun 2017:
I think there's a bug in the photo-upload code...
Updated on 25 Jun 2017:
The swelling, what little there was, seems to have gone down. The 12D that nurse Ruth gave me is getting roomier in the front (it’s so awesome that a 12D can now be called ‘roomy’!) and there’s a fold in the fabric under both breasts that is echoed by a bump in the skin, especially under the left breast. It’ll probably disappear, but I’m not taking any chances. The original plan was to wait until my 8-week check-up to go bra shopping (because Toowoomba has so much more choice); however, I don’t want to get a crease in my new $10,000 boobs, so I’ve ordered a couple of 12C low impact wire-free crop tops online. Given it’s end-of-financial-year-clearance-sale time, the two only cost $15!
In other news: nothing hurts, I can sleep on both sides now (but still have to careful rolling over) and university starts again on Monday so that’ll keep me occupied :)
Updated on 8 Jul 2017:
The human body is amazing. I don’t know anywhere near as much about it as I would like, but observing the healing process has been an eye-opener. The incision lines are now completely smooth, with no tactile evidence that there was ever a cut there. The new skin that has formed is silky smooth and transparent, showing tiny blood vessel traversing the vertical and circular incision lines. The single stitch hole has also filled in with new tissue and blood vessels and now resembles a teensy pink flower. There is still a bruised patches where the skin is also numb, but I think they’re gradually fading.
There have been times when I catch myself slipping into old programming, preparing to hide my figure. There is a shop in town with big reflective windows overlooking the street and when I walked past it the first time after surgery, I glanced at my reflection like I always do, checking to make sure nothing’s bouncing too much. Except there wasn’t anything to bounce. And walking along the main street, I can look other commuters in the eye and stand with my back straight. I’m redefining my look, too. My old wardrobe is based purely around practicality and disguise. Now I can go shopping with a whole different mindset. I can even wear heels!
Updated on 28 Oct 2017:
I haven’t written since 6 weeks because I’ve been busy living my new, open, expressive life :) Shortly after the last post, I went shopping with mum and bought 7 new bras in various styles and 5 new blouse tops. It was great!!!
So, in the boob department, everything’s back to normal. The numbness is slowly receding, there’s only a tiny lump now in the bottom of lefty, and the scares fade more every week. On hot and humid days at home I can go braless and not feel any discomfort at all (yeeaaahhhhh!!!!) and I can now confidently wear a dress. No one aside from my immediate family has noticed/commented on my change, but I feel so much better.
There is also this I want to share… I found this a week ago, and if anyone you know is not quite getting why you want a reduction, show them this video! It's called The Try Guys Wear Boob Weights For A Day; four guys go about a normal day (cleaning, excising, office work) with 6.6 pounds hanging on their chests. I think this should be included as mandatory education for men… I’m sort of kidding, see what you think...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqjVSJBsmqM
This will probably be my last post.
Heartfelt thanks to all those other women and their inspiring stories, to my dad for supplying the finances, my mom for caring for me post-op and the doctors and nurses at the hospital. Special thanks to Dr Magnusson for caring and doing such a good job for me :)
Love to all,
K