Lost 70lbs, Wanted my Body Back - Santa Monica, CA

Thank you! Good luck with your surgery too.

Glad to hear your insurance will cover it, mine didn't. I'm sorry to hear your husband is struggling to understand. I was single when I had the surgery so it wasn't something I had to explain to a partner. It was such a blocker for me when it came to intimacy; I couldn't imagine having connected sex with someone because I would have always been thinking about my stomach. If that’s the same for you, perhaps you can explain it to him in that way. I am sorry to year about your medical condition. Are there other friends or people who could help you in those first few weeks? You don’t sound selfish to me at all; you are thinking a lot about your husband’s needs, which is sorta the opposite of selfish! It’s not selfish to want to take care of yourself. For some of the tasks you mentioned, maybe there is a way you can get help with those things lined up so that it doesn’t all fall on him? Hire a teenager from a local high school to walk your dog for 3 weeks, or maybe your grandkids if they are old enough. I felt better knowing I had a plan in place and help with groceries, errands, etc. My friends really wanted to help me though, and it was hard to let them love on me and help me. But while I was recovering, I really ended up needing that love and support. I obviously don’t know you, but I think you need to forgive yourself for the years when you weren’t able to do much around the house. You can’t go back and change it now, it’s in the past. And you lost the weight and are concerned with his feelings; that is HUGE! Be proud of your accomplishment and that you have emerged a more giving, empathetic partner for your husband. As for your doctor’s advice, I think would be careful about drinking. Alcohol compromises your immune system and impairs healing. I had a month before and a month after surgery with no alcohol, and don’t really drink much the rest of the time. For pain, I was given Oxycodone, but I didn’t end up taking it after the first few days. I just took extra strength Tylenol. I’m like you and I don’t usually take anything unless I absolutely need it. But your doctor will help you with that. I wish you the best of luck with your surgery if you decide to go ahead with it. Either way, I hope you can forgive yourself for your past mistakes and reward yourself for how far you’ve come. Caring for yourself isn’t selfish; needing a few weeks of healing isn’t selfish. I’m sure you do so much for your husband and family in a million ways; let him help you in whatever way he wants to, and for the things he doesn’t want to do, find help elsewhere. Good luck! Feel free to message me if you need additional support.

I think your right, it's me that has not forgiven myself. When I said something to my husband that I was having a very hard time having to ask him to step in and do all those things he acted like it was no problem. And did not understand why I having a hard time. I asked him I just want to know that you are not going to resent me for having to hold down a job and all this too. He no I'm not going to resent you. It will be fine. I have girl that I have basically adopted on I guess. She rents a room in our house and she has adopted us as her family too. She is a year old than my son. I'm really close to her and she told me that when I have surgery that she will feed our goats on the days that my husband works until I get back on my feet. Goats can get very roudy and push and shove each other to get the feed bowls and you get caught in between. I feel comfortable enough with her to help me to the bathroom or even bathe me. Although I know my husband will do that.

When I had my hysterectomy 15 yrs ago he took care of me. The doctor said that I have so much extra skin in my pubic area and that was the hardest place for you to heal because you have to be very careful to make sure not to break your insisians open because that happened to me in the same spot when I had my hysterectomy and they can't stitch you back up you can only put bandages over it and wait for it to heal. So I needed to be very careful. That the other part will heal very easily and very nicely. As far as the drinking goes that went in one ear and out the other. I don't see the reason in drinking. As I told my husband the way I think about it is why? I don't like the way it makes me feel. I get drunk on one drink. And really don't care for the taste. I guess the only drink I ever liked was margaritas but can take it or leave it. Would rather leave it. My husband joking around told the doctor that maybe She would lighten up if I had a drink..., I laughed and said your probably right! As far as the one on one contact or sex with my husband he had always made be feel very beautiful when we make love. My husband is a quiet man unless he knows you. But he likes teasing me and joking around. He is not very verbal with his feelings and emotions. He shows me everyday in the way he acts, treats me, the respect he shows me everyday. It was not until I lost so much weight that it became apparent to me that this was hanging more and more. I had so much to lose that it took a long time for it to become a lot of loose skin. I have pictures of me when I had lost just 200 and the difference in my face from then to now is a big difference. I have my mother that will be coming and sitting with me on the first couple of days after surgery when my husband goes back to work. He will take several days off and he works a swing shift so he works like two days on two days off three days on two days off and so it works out that every other weekend he is off three days so if done on one of those weeks he could only take two days of vacation and end up with 7 days off. That way I will be through the worst part I guess then my mom can come sit with me. I know she can't lift me because she suffers from the same thing I have. But she can cook for me bring me stuff and let the dog out the back and keep me company. We are the best of friends. My grandkids are very helpful they are 12 and 8 but Heidi my German Shepard is eight months old and she is very strong and going though a stubborn stage. And in fact going this weekend to put her through another training class. I know what it is. She knows all her commands and they are working dogs and the thrive on working. As long as I get up and work with her everyday and keep at it she will mind. But I stop and she stops minding. I know that all I need to do is call my best friend and she will drop everything and come. I don't like to ask because she has her hands full her mother has Alzheimer's and she is a single mother. But I don't have hard time asking all of them for help and don't have a problem asking my husband to help take care of me. It's the asking him to do all the other stuff I have a problem with. I guess I feel like if I stop doing those things and do nothing that the Mytonic dystrophy will start progressing again. And afraid if I stop doing that I'm going to lose the ability again. But this time I will be thin and no mobility. I guess my biggest fear is I'm going to be a burden. That's what I thought I was. My husband never complained. I think you're right I'm the one beating myself up over it. You said you choose to go to a surgical recovery center? The doctor I'm going to does surgery at a surgical center and at the hospital. Wouldn't a hospital be better to go to in case of complications? So that your already there? She said she preferred to do it there because doing at the hospital it took longer to get scheduled. Should I wait for a spot at the hospital. Is this perfectly safe to do at a surgical center? And is a surgical recovery center something different? How did the doctor make sure that your legs did not look disproportionately large? When I lost mine I was not left with a belt of skin on my butt. My butt is still full not fat just with curves I think when they take the part off the front and pull it together it will smooth out what little there is on my butt. My Panniculus is still very large in my eyes. Compared to yours. It may be because I was so much larger and had so much that was lost. I wish I only had 70lbs. When you said that no one tells you that your skin is not going to go back the way it was and that you had a belt of skin and your Breast are like deflated balloons. I was like I have said this so many times! The way I have described it is that I'm disgusted when I see myself in the mirror. It was not noticeable to me until we moved into this house and I can see most of my body standing in my bathroom. We have lived here three years and it did not become so loose until about a year a half a go at most. And has always been very bothersome to me. I plan on making a lot of meals up and freezing them so my husband can just put them in the oven. I can't stand frozen food in a box. When I first had my gastric bypass that's all I cooked. And the more I lost the more I started cooking from scratch. I changed the way I ate, then I changed how I cooked. I have plenty of Gatorade always have that on hand. My bed has a adjustable base so I can raise my bed to aid me in getting up and down at first. The one thing I can't do is core training. I have tried so many times and can't even do a crunch. No way to build muscles. The back doctor gave me some exercises to do to strengthen my back. The help some but most of it is the skin, and then I have arthritis and a narrow disk in my back. But I think, or I want to believe that it's the skin that is doing it. They said they can give me injections in my back for the pain. I always tell myself you can tuff it out it's not bad enough to take something for pain. I tend to hold on to the pain medicine for when I just can't stand it anymore. And then when I do take it I take small sips of it so I'm not drunk. They said that the insurance will cover the apron surgery and breast lift/ reduction but won't cover my legs, arms, or a tummy tuck and have just a pinch of it on my back (all that went away) and very little on my butt. But those parts are not what is making me uncomfortable. When your stomach hangs so far down that you have to sometimes when laying in bed have to reach down and pull it up because it stuck to my legs. I'm sure you can relate. I have tried to think of all the questions I could think of to ask you. How long did it take you to start getting around on your own? I guess I mean like able to bathe yourself, up and down, to the bathroom, then how long until back to driving and cooking, I know it's about 5 wks before you are back to almost normal. You have been so helpful. Thank you very much! You have to be very proud of yourself. I hope you find someone that you know from the moment that you meet him that he's not looking at your body he's looking at you. My reason for doing this is within me. And not anything my husband said or did. And I explained that to him.

Thank you! I'm thrilled. Dr. Teitelbaum is an artist. I wish there was a better word that that.

Thank you!! Yes I think that was really important. It's more difficult emotionally than physically I found. In part because I have been eating a LOT more after surgery than I was before. My body is craving good nutrition and good fats. Had I not been healthy before hand I think my appetite would have freaked me out.