Unsure About Removal

I recently got a tattoo on my leg. My feelings about it have been rocky since the very day of getting it, and I just need a space to talk to others who understand what I’m going through, so bear with me please.
This is my second tattoo. My first tattoo is the word ‘music’ on my left wrist, and I absolutely adore it. I thought about that tattoo for five years before I turned 18, and then got it as soon as I was able to. When I got that tattoo, it felt like it belonged on my skin, as if I had been missing that tattoo my whole life and now that it was finally on my body I was at peace.
After that summer I started my first year of college. I live in Illinois but go to school in Massachusetts, and being away from my home and family for so long really made me realize how much I missed it all and how much my memories as a kid of my family and my experiences - most of which revolved around Lake Michigan since my family lives in the surrounding states - have impacted me. So when I returned home for the summer I decided to get Lake Michigan tattooed on my ankle, so that I could take a piece of home with me wherever I go.
I thought about this tattoo for about 2-3 months, which I know is not long at all. But as soon as I thought of the idea I knew I wanted it. I wish I had thought about it a bit more because now I am uncertain. When I came back from the appointment both my parents were shocked and angry over how big it is. I admit I wasn’t expecting it to be that big, I had imagined it maybe 2-3 inches tall and in reality it is 4 inches tall. That is my fault, the artist showed me the stencil and asked if the size was okay and I just went with it. I know it’s my body and that what my parents think shouldn’t affect me, but it feels disappointing that a tattoo I to remind me of my family is a tattoo my family disapproves of. Now I’m scared for the rest of my extended family to see it and what they’ll think of it.
Some days I’m so embarrassed by it and hate it, and don’t want to show it in public at all. Some days I don’t mind it. But when I think about my first tattoo and how much I love it, compared to this one where at best I just feel okay about it, really makes me doubt myself and feel bad about it. I also can’t tell if I feel this way because of my parents’ reactions or if I genuinely regret it. I know it’s not the worst thing in the world - it is well done by a professional artist I researched, it has meaning, and I can hide it with pants if needed. But it has chipped away at my self esteem and knowing I did this to myself sometimes has me kicking myself over it. I don’t mind the way it look with shorts or capris, but I hate the way it looks with dresses. I see women in advertisements or magazines who bare their calves in formal gowns and I think, wow, if I want to look classy or elegant or professional I’ll have to put makeup on my tattoo.
I don’t know if I want to get it removed or not. I’ve read many reviews and posts on here which has helped. It’s only black ink, so I’m guessing if I did get it removed I would want to go with a PicoSure laser? But I’ve heard new tattoos and tattoos farther down on extremities such as mine are harder to remove. I’m torn because now this is affecting my enjoyment of the summer on an emotional level, and I can’t even imagine how much it would cost to get it fully removed or if it’s even possible for me. I’m also not sure logistically what would make more sense, to work with a removal place in Illinois while I’m here for the summer or to wait until I’m in Massachusetts during school. I keep looking at old pictures of myself before I got it and wishing I had clean skin. I am also setting up therapy to have someone to talk about this with because it is really affecting me. If anyone has their own thoughts/opinions/experiences to share I would genuinely appreciate it. I’m torn between just living with it or looking into removal.

I’ve decided to go through with removal. Lately these past few days have been absolutely awful, I just can’t stop crying. I’m not sure but I think there is a scar from getting the tattoo as the skin is raised and not the same as the rest of my skin. I don’t think I’ve ever regretted something so badly. I’m going to a waterpark this weekend with my friends and I’m upset because when I remember deciding when to schedule my tattoo appointment and hurrying to get it to done enough time in advance. Why, why didn’t I just wait and think... I’ve wasted this whole month moping indoors, and I know the more I continue to think negatively the worse it will get, but this has utterly ruined me. I don’t know how I can even enjoy myself this summer. It’s heartbreaking. I’ll be looking into doctors today and sitting down with my mom to figure out the next steps. This is horrid.
I really could use someone to talk to as my therapy isn’t until Wednesday. If anyone reading this is willing to message me please do, I could use some help.

I understand this site and the reviews are more for following the actual medical process of removal, and less of a personal diary, but it’s very cathartic to have a space to write and people to talk to, and my hope is that anyone else struggling with tattoo regret can follow my posts if it helps them.

I’ve narrowed my search down to three places: -Van Dam Dermatology, Barrington IL: He is my usual dermatologist so I have been comfortable going to him before. Actually, the last time I visited him it was to have a mole looked at that was in a very private location, and he is one of the only male doctors I have felt comfortable around. I hope I can trust him with laser removal; we’ll see when I go for a consultation. He has the PicoWay laser which I know is the best, but I’m concerned about cost.
-Ritacca Laser Center, Vernon Hills IL: I’ve seen a lot of reviews on this site and all of them seem to be very positive. I believe he has the PicoSure laser.
-Invisible Ink, Glenview IL: They also have the PicoSure laser, and have good reviews. I am especially interested in their plan which guarantees that if any additional sessions past their prediction are required, they’re free. This is especially helpful for me since I’m on a tight budget. However it almost sounds too good to be true.

Does anyone have any experience with the above clinics, especially Invisible Ink? I’ll be calling tomorrow to set up consultations.

I have my first therapy appointment on Wednesday, so I’ll be sure to update after that. In the mean time my mom has been very supportive of me. The hardest part for me has been stopping myself from thinking in the past (“I wish I could go back, why did I do that...”). Right now what I’m trying is anytime I start to get caught up in those thoughts is to tell myself stop, and that it will be okay. This especially helps when I’m trying to sleep which is when I tend to ruminate most. What is done is done, I can’t go back, only forward. And on the mornings things are really bad, I post on here. Keep in touch everyone, I’ll be back with another post soon enough. :)