Don't laugh, but I think my boobs are crushing me. What can I do about this?

Thank you for the question. Based on your description, you may be a good candidate for breast reduction surgery. “Official” recommendations of course would necessitate in-person consultation.
Breast reduction surgery is one of the most patient pleasing operations we perform. By removing “excess” breast tissue, adipose tissue, and breast skin this operation reduces and lifts the breasts to a higher position on the chest wall. By doing so, patients often find improvement in neck, back, and shoulder discomfort and find it easier to form their activities of daily living and exercise.
Timing of the operation will depend on the patient's life circumstances. In general, it is best to do this procedure ( like all other elective body contouring the stages, when patients have reached their long-term stable weights. In doing so, there is an "improvement" in the safety of the procedure and the need for further surgery ( in the event of weight gain/loss after the breast reduction procedure) is minimized.
Sometimes breast reduction surgery is covered through health insurance. The best way to obtain insurance coverage for breast reduction surgery involves some “hoops” to jump through. The more documentation you have (for example, from your primary care doctor, physical therapist, chiropractor etc.) the better when it comes to obtaining insurance “authorization” for the procedure. This documentation and letter/pictures from your plastic surgeon will help you obtain authorization.
When the time is right, seek consultation with well-trained/experienced board-certified plastic surgeons. Ask to see lots of examples of their work and communicate your goals clearly.

I hope this, and the attached link, helps.

Start with visiting with your primary care physician. They rule out and serious medical problems related to your breathing. If everything checks out and your breast seem to be an issue then you should get a referral to a plastic surgeon from your primary care physician. 

Based on your description of symptoms, you may be a candidate for a breast reduction surgery.  A surgical breast reduction will decrease the size of your breasts and helps to alleviate many of the symptoms that you have described including headaches, neck pain, shoulder pain, and back pain.  The best place to start to determine if you are a candidate for this procedure will be with your primary care doctor.  Your primary care doctor can help to determine if these symptoms are related to your breasts or from another cause; he or she can then make a referral to a board certified plastic surgeon if the symptoms are related to your breasts.  Good luck!