Regret, but Somehow OK in the End

So this is a small rant, but please know, never a rant at my doctor, who was awesome, skilled and honest. I am of middle eastern descent and lived in a community in California where everyone around me (including my sisters and female cousins) got their noses done. I actually resisted, writing it off as vain, until I turned 33.
Actually, my nose was fine. A bit big until I somehow "grew into" it in university. What is terrible (and a bit racist) is people often asked me if I was "mixed" because my nose didn't look "middle eastern". When I would ask why, they would stammer out, slightly ashamed (usually) because I had a "nice straight nose."
It is amazing how people can and compliment you and insult you at the same time, without even meaning to.
I won't go into it, but after battling some self esteem issues, I had a boyfriend who decided, among other things that were "wrong with me" my nose was actually terrible. He pointed it out on a daily basis. Fancying himself a talented photographer, he took tons of pics of me, would point out how my nose ruined them, and made me feel bad. I want to tell you I was a young, inexperienced, and impressionable teen, but no: I was a well educated, well traveled woman in my late 20s....but we all have our weaknesses.
So I went to several doctors, at the age of 33 and told them I wanted rhinoplasty. Two of them told me I was pretty and only needed slight changes to bring it in better harmony. One of them told me my nose was great, well in proportion with my face, and the tweaks he could make to it would maybe not be worth the risks. I went with him, because his morph only looked like me in beautiful lighting....the others looked a little too "Westernized" for me (which of course there is nothing wrong with, I just didn't want to change my cultural look)
So, what happened?
Bandages came off, and for two minutes, it was perfect....then it became swollen. I thought I would see that perfect nose again, in 1 to 2 years (I was pretty realistic) but I never saw it again. My skin is really thick, and swelling resolved unevenly. The nose I was left with, after about 18 months, was worse than the one I started with....after two years, a bit more so....I went through a short period of regret, and though I was tempted to get it all done again, decided against it...
Why...
It is a rollercoaster and every time you go under the knife, you never know the outcome....especially when you have thick skin like I do, which doesn't respond well to revision...
Do I miss the way it was? Yes, but luckily, my breathing was unaffected (actually slightly better!!) and it still looks like me overall, just with a nose that is 20 % wonkier....not so bad, since actually it was quite fine in the beginning...
And in the meantime...
The lesson learned-don't let anyone change how you think about yourself-ever. I was so disgusted with myself for what I had done, I somehow got the courage to leave the terrible boyfriend who constantly tore me apart, focused on my friends, family career, and health, and am now, years later, in a relationship with the most lovely man in the world....
I think revision is a God sent for some, and there are some AMAZING talented surgeons out there, and luckily I have seen their results on some of the lucky ladies (and guys) on this site. I am totally thrilled for you and am glad to see you share your experience!!: ) For me, I couldn't get on the merrygoround and somehow it also worked out in the end, I just went a different route....
I guess what I learned from this experience (at least for me) is:
a)pain is temporary
b)healing is constant.
Thank you for reading!