27y/o 5'7" 105lb, 1 child, 371cc submuscular silicone gel

I am 27 years old, about 5'7" and 105lb. I have...

I am 27 years old, about 5'7" and 105lb. I have been naturally skinny my whole life, and teased mercilessly for it forever. My mom, grandmas and aunts all had full boobs as I was growing up and to me, becoming a woman meant getting boobs. A late bloomer, what boobs I did get (32-34A, i can cheat and say 32B at VS but only in a push up style, thank god for vanity sizing) didnt come until I was about 17 or 18 years old, and they didn't go very far. I only wear padded or push up bras. I hate taking my bra off, even to shower, and to the dismay of my fiance, I pretty much refuse to take it off in front of him, ever. They are embarrassing. While I do think I have a pretty good body, especially having had a baby about a year and a half ago, I am not super curvy and the flat chest just makes me feel like a 12 year old boy. I hate bathing suit shopping, bra shopping, dress shopping..I cant wear anything that requires you to go braless, because my boobs just disappear, which limits a lot of dress options. Push up bathing suits are a joke, they are even more padded than my normal bras, and very obviously so, so I hate wearing them. Ill never forget being 18 and having my 8 year old cousin say that she thought I was pretty but it was too bad I was so flat chested.
When I was pregnant with my son, my boobs did get a little bigger, maybe to a full B, and they were absolutely fantastic while breast feeding (which only lasted 6 weeks due to issues), and then they were gone...and even smaller than they were before, like little mosquito bites.
I am getting married next year and I want to feel good in my wedding dress. I remember prom dress shopping and crying, ending up with an $800 dress because it was the only one I felt even slightly good in. (should have saved that money towards my surgery!)
So I finally went for a consultation. This is something I have been waiting forever for. Money is tight because of paying for the wedding, but I refuse to sacrifice this any more. I work, and I work hard and my whole life is spent worrying about and taking care of everyone else, and this is something I want and NEED to do for ME. Everyone in my life has been pretty supportive. As this is something I have half joked about forever, they pretty much saw it coming. Almost everyone I work with knows it is happening because Im not embarrassed about doing it and I know they will all figure it out anyways when I'm gone for 2 weeks and suddenly return with a new figure. Plus, I work with all women, and if you tell one, they will all find out, so I would rather people hear it from me. Bitches are gossipy lol.
My surgery is scheduled for September 8, and I am sooo nervous. I think I am most nervous about what size to pick and the pain afterwards. I don't tolerate pain meds well, so I am scared about that too. I am very narrow chested so the plan is to go with high profile silicone implants, because moderate profile would probably give me super side boob, which I definitely dont want, Im just afraid of the porn star/stripper look. I dont want to go so big that they look fake, but I dont want to go smaller and regret it. I have reviewed so many people on here and I think I want to be about 300cc. I have a pre-op appointment on August 27 to discuss size, incision placement (I want under the breast), implant type (im leaning toward cohesive gel, but considering gummy bear also)
If I get the guts, I will post some before pictures. I am going to make some rice sizers today to try to get a feel for size, maybe Ill post pics from that too.
I would love questions, messages, input, pointers, etc if anyone has any! Thanks to anyone who took the time to read through this long ass post :)

Rice Test!

Soo I did the "rice sizer test"! After looking up how to do it and how much rice to put in I tested out some 300cc rice sizers. I didn't have any nylons so I did it with thin socks and wore a sports bra. It is so sad how flat I look with just the sports bra. I hate going to the gym because I hate wearing sports bras and my push ups are so uncomfortable to work out in because they smoosh and dig in. When I do go to the gym I will wear a push up underneath a sports bra so my boobs don't disappear. Anyways, I was pretty happy with the 300cc size! I am still afraid they might be too small, but am a pretty thin girl so anything much bigger might look ridiculous. I will post a couple pictures of my rice test!

Was starting to have some doubts...

So a couple of weeks ago I was having one of those days that I have heard a lot of people talk about, where I started thinking of all the things that could go wrong, and all the reasons why I was fine just the way I was, and how maybe I shouldn't go through with it. And then I walked past this super cute (and on sale) bikini, and couldn't help but try it on. And as soon as i looked in the mirror, all of the reasons why I NEEDED to have the surgery came flooding back. I saw myself in that bathing suit and looked so flat chested, and felt terrible. Story of my boob life...lol. SO,, while I am still scared, and have my worries, I know that this is something I really need to do :)

Oh, and PS..

According to my countdown app, I have 15 days to my pre-op appointment, 27 days until my surgery, and 279 days until I get married (with my fantastic new boobs haha)

any fellow RN'so who gave had a BA?

One of my main concerns is that I'm a full time nurse working 12 hour day shift on a very busy unit. I will be going back to work after about 12 days. Just wondering if other nurses who have had BA can share their experience with returning to work? Thanks!

8 days to go!

Only 8 days to go until boob day!!!! I am so excited it is ridiculous. I had my pre-op appointment a few days ago and after some discussion about what look I am going for we decided to go with moderate profile silicone gel implants under the muscle (complete subpectoral, not partial). I was confused because at my first consultation the surgeon suggested high profile due to my narrow chest but he said for the look I want to achieve, he now feels moderate would be better. I was initially concerned moderate would be too wide for my chest, but he told me my measurements vs the implant measurements (which I don't remember) and it made more sense. At first I was thinking I would go with about 300cc, but he suggested 325-375cc. I tried on some sizers and it was so strange seeing myself with boobs! I was worried that 325-375 would be too big, but with the moderate profile the doctor and his nurse said if we went smaller I would wish I had gone bigger. I looked through some before and after photos of his work and not a single one looked fake or ridiculous, so I trust his judgement. I went and got a couple front close bras to have handy after the surgery, just need to get some anti-bacterial soap, scar cream and some food to have on hand for after surgery. The doctor gave me a prescription for vicodin but nothing for nausea and no muscle relaxers or anything. I have noticed on here that a lot of doctors do give muscle relaxers, but he didn't, so hopefully I won't need them. He said that he puts numbing medication into the capsule to help with pain management right after surgery, so I'm hoping that lasts at least until I get home. I have 4 12-hour shifts left at work before the big day and I can't wait!!! I want to fast forward to the day of! My aunt is being awesome and taking my 18 month old for the whole day of surgery and dropping him off at bedtime, and possibly taking him the next day too. My mom is going to take me to the surgical center since my fiance works nights and wont be off yet when we leave, but he should be there by the time I get out of surgery.

The Countdown has begun!!

AHHH!! 4 more days! I cant stop thinking about size..still!! As I said before, my doc is bringing in 3 sizes, 325, 350, and 375cc....moderate profile...and I trust him to make the best choice, but I cant stop worrying about it anyway!!!! Part of me is like, go big or go home, and another is worried about being too big...ugh. I have sooo much to do before surgery. My house is a disaster, all the laundry needs to be done, and I still have to go out and buy myself some food and things for after the surgery...and I really have no time to do any of it, especially seeing as though saturday and sunday I have to work 12 hour days, and then be at the surgical center by 6:30 on monday! I talked with a nurse yesterday and she reminded me I would need to bring a a urine sample or provide one when I get there so I took a sterile urine sample cup from work so I could go when I wake up and take it with me. I don't do so good with the whole "pee on command" thing. It never fails that I just can't go lol. Everyone at work yesterday was super interested and asking questions about the size I'm doing and what not. They have all been super supportive and sweet, I love the girls I work with :) All day every day all I can focus on are boobs....cant wait until boob day finally arrives! I feel like I should post some more before photos, but I cant bring myself to take the pics, much less upload them. Having my photos taken in my surgeon's office made me want to crawl in a corner and hide...but he assured me I will be much more confident when I come in for my afters :) Even though so many of my fellow real selfers have done it, I am having a really difficult time with that part...besides, I think the ones i posted in the sports bra and bikini do a good enough job showing my before...nonexistent..lol. Also, I just got a new phone and it apparently automatically uploads and backs up all of my photos to some app thing, and I havent figured out yet if that means other people can have access to them...really need to figure that one out! Hope everyone is well! Can't wait until I have more to share with you guys :)

New Rice Sizer Pics!

So since the rice sizers I made before were only 300cc, and now we will be going with between 325-375, and I am having so much anxiety about size, I figured I should do it over. This time I made 375cc ones, and tried them on with one of the bras I bought at wal-mart for after surgery. I think they look great, and I think he was right when he said if I went 300 I would want bigger. What do you guys think!?

T-12 hours!

In 12 hours I will be at the surgical center for my surgery! I have had heartburn and nausea for 3 days, I think because of nerves, I really hope I can sleep tonight! I have do much to do when I get home from work tonight, ughh. good luck to all of the other ladies out there having surgery tomorrow! Hopefully I will feel well enough to update after surgery :-)

It's boob day!

I'm on my way to the surgical center...I feel like throwing up, I have the worst nervous stomach ever. This feels very surreal, I doubt think it will be real until I wake up with boobs. I'm really hoping for a relatively easy recovery. Eek...Here goes nothin!

I'm done!

Well, everything went well! By the time I woke up my doctor was in another surgery so I didn't get to talk to him but he did talk with my mom and fiance. He didn't mention which size he went with so I guess I'll find that out on Wednesday at my post op appointment. My actual boobs don't hurt, they are actually really numb, but my sternum and my sides under my armpits are killing me. I have three ice packs on and I have been taking vicodin every 4 hours. I'm not nauseous at all, thank goodness. I have been sleeping most of the time since I got home, doesn't hurt when I sleep lol. I hear the second day is the worst, so I'm really nervous for tomorrow. I haven't really seen them, other than looking down my post op bra, I'm too sore to try to unhook it to look at them..really hoping this pain starts to improve...it is really hard to breathe, probably because of my small ribcage. it feels like someone punched me in the ribs and then started sitting on my chest :/

feeling like hell :/

Sorry I haven't updated much, I have been having a pretty rough time the last couple days. I'm hoping to feel better soon so I can give you guys a better update.

Almost a week post op and finally feeling GOOD!

Well this past week has been super long, and pretty awful, but I finally feel like I am getting back to normal! The day of my surgery honestly wasn't terrible. I slept most of the day away because the pain meds made me feel like a total zombie. I couldn't keep my eyes open, even if i had just woken up from a 3 hour nap. The next day the office called to check on me and I wasn't feeling too great but they cancelled my 2day post op appointment and said I didn't have to come until the following tuesday, which was a whole week post-op. I thought that was weird considering they had made me a 2 day post op appointment before I even had my surgery. By the next day, I was really happy I was allowed to shower, especially since everyone talks about how nice it is to finally shower. Not the case for me....I was in the shower for a few minutes and had removed my bandages as instructed (not a drop of blood on them) and I'm pretty sure I started having a panic attack. It suddenly felt like my boobs were crawling higher up my chest, I couldn't breathe and I had the intense urge to throw up. I managed to get myself out of the shower, cover myself in a towel, and I just sat on the floor in my bathroom dry heaving until my mom realized I was in there too long and came to check on me. She said I was white as a ghost, I think i really freaked her out. So here we are, me super sick and cant stand up, and she is trying to take care of me, as well as distract my super active 19 month old. Fortunately we were able to find care for him, I managed to get myself dressed, and my mom called the doctors office. They said to stop the vicodin, start extra strength tylenol, and drink some gatorade.
After a few hours, I wasn't weak or nauseous, but I was in a lot of pain. The tylenol just wasn't cutting it. We got a hold of my surgeon who said to start taking Aleve for the pain, and let me tell you, it worked! It took about another day and a half to get out of zombie mode, but my pain was getting to be less and less.
I did go to see my PS on friday because I still just wasn't feeling right, and I didn't want to wait until tuesday and he said everything looked great. So that helped calm my nerves a little.

However, I now have this really horrible nerve pain. I had read about it before surgery and thought I could totally handle it, as most people described it as "zingers" that came and went quickly. Well, mine are not those...they linger...for just about forever lol. They are only on the left side and only when I am laying down...of course, when I want to sleep. The doctor said it is the nerve waking up and to massage the skin in that area 3-4x per day to desensitize the nerve so it doesn't cause me so much pain. I did that yesterday and sleeping last night was somewhat better.
Today I feel really good. Still tight and swollen, but I took a real shower, even shaved my legs, put makeup on and got dressed. It is nice to feel like a real person again. I found out he went with the 370cc implant and I am glad he did, because they look like they are the perfect size. They don't look "fake" to me at all, at least with clothes on. Without clothes they are tight and shiny and look a little strange, but I know that will get better as they continue to heal. I can finally say I am happy, for a minute there I was starting to regret my decision, but not anymore. Hopefully things just keep getting better from here on out! I will post some pictures later on :)

pics 6 days post op

Here are a few pics taken today...the left one is slightly more swollen but it is hard to tell in these pics

11 days post

Helllo all! I am about 11 days post op and feeling pretty great (other than the fact that I have to go back to work tomorrow!) The nerve pains I was having while trying to sleep are pretty much gone, and I'm able to sleep on my side (pretty) comfortably. My PS told me I could cut back to wearing a bra only 8-10 hours per day, so I wear one all day and sleep without one. He also showed me how to do massages, which I'm not gonna lie, I really hate doing lol. I dont know why, it doesnt hurt, it is just uncomfortable and strange. He didn't really tell me how often to do it, just that a lot of people like to do it in the shower, so does that mean once a day? I've been doing it twice a day just to be safe! He also said to start rubbing moisturizing cream on the incisions twice a day, so I have been rubbing bio oil on them in the morning and at bedtime. One thing that is driving me crazy....the skin all over my boobs itches like crazy! But it is like an itch under the skin, that I can't really scratch. I guess that is more of the nerves regenerating? Annoying!

Anyways, I need to run out and grab some new comfy sports bras that have some type of light lining to disguise my constantly visible nipples lol. These things are ridiculous! I did some bra measurements last night at home just out of curiosity (even though I know they will still change, and it probably isnt 100% accurate) but I came out to a 32C. I have a couple 34B bras from when I was pregnant, which is the sister size to 32C, and I must say, I don't see those things ever fitting me again, so I don't know if that measurement is right, but we will see! Overall I am pretty happy. The left side is a little bit bigger, but it is the side I initially had more pain and swelling on, so I think that might have a bit to do with it, and my left side was very slightly larger pre-op as well. It is nothing that is noticeable with clothes on, and probably only noticeable to me without, and it is still early so hopefully it will get better and not worse.

6 1/2 weeks...32DD

It has been such a long time since I updated! Everything is going well, and I am back to feeling almost 100% normal. The swelling seems to be all gone, no more pain, I can sleep however I want, and I got to shop for bras! I went to VS and got sized and they said 32D but I tried one on and the cups were too small so I ended up being 32DD. I dont feel like they look like a DD, but I guess different cup sizes look different on everyone, and I think VS sizes up a little so we will see what I am at other stores! Anywho, It was so nice to buy bras without any padding :)
My incisions are healed, but still red....cant wait for them to fade! The only thing that is still bothering me is that my skin is numb in some places. It is a really annoying feeling, because every once in a while I will feel like I have an itch, but when I go to scratch it, it is in an area where the skin is totally numb. I am really hoping that goes away. I have also noticed that my skin gets really itchy every once in a while. I have been religious about putting on lotion and body oil after I shower, because I suspect it is just from the stretching of my skin, since it is a similar feeling to how my skin itched when I was pregnant. It is so nice to feel good in clothes. I am going wedding dress shopping for the first time tomorrow and I am so excited! I will try to update again soon!

New pain?!

Hey everyone! So I was doing really great up until about a week ago...My son was climbing me like the little money he is, and dug his elbow into my left breast, just near the cleavage/breast bone area. It really didn't even hurt, but the next day I noticed I was really sore. I have been sore like this for a week now and it isn't getting any better. It hurts worse when I press on the area, or when I change positions, our take a deep breath, almost like a bruised feeling. Taking ibuprofen and Aleve hasn't helped and I'm starting to worry that something is really wrong, or that my son elbowing me was just a coincidence and something is wrong with the breast/implant, etc. I don't see my doctor until Tuesday and I feel like I'm going to lose my mind, but I can't get in any sooner because of work. Anyone have any reassurance for me? Ugh, so stressful...
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