Ruined my Life: Please help Me: I Can't Stop Crying - New York

I had it done a year ago when I was 17, my nose wasn't terrible but it had a small bump and drooped down, bumpy And a tad big, but I didn't know how good I had it. In fact I was housebound and hated it so much that I never went out and even was homeschooled. I was bullied for being ugly but the bullies were never specific so I decided it must be my nose cuz I could find anything else that horrific about me. My parents told me I didn't need it and they couldn't afford it but I begged so much and cried that they finally let me to stop my misery.

So I did a lot of research, and picked the doctor that I liked the before and afters most, it was subtle and you would never be able to tell the person got something done but they looked great! so I got it done, and while the cast was on I was the happiest person, It looked perfect, exactly the way I wanted it even woth the cast on. I had never been so happy in my young life, I started looking up new clothes to wear online, and planning my life. Then the cast came off, the profile was good but it was freaking HUGE. This made me go into a depression and I even got suicidal and went to psych wards.

Finally the swelling went down and I started to like it, but the more the swelling went down, the more I noticed something even worse. Major Assymetry. My bridge is pretty straight except on the right side there is a tiny little bump like the size of a crumb but it doesn't bother me that much. What does bother me is the tip. Holy god! The right side looks like its dented because too much was taken off, so the cartilage sticks out at the tip too and when I feel the side of the tip it feels flat as a board....not normal. And the left side is fuller and rounder but I kinda like that side, if only the right side matched the left I'd be so happy!

I'm already settling, why cant my nose at least be symmetrical! It bothers me so much that I cry and sob all day every day, I've even went as far to write suicide notes to all my family (I have no friends) I see my dr in 2 weeks, I don't know what he will say! I must know I will begin sobbing uncontrollably in front of him! What if he thinks I'm nuts and makes me leave! I don't think I can contain my tears! My family is not rich by any means, we are your average middle class family who is actually having some financial difficulty, we can't afford a revision if we have to pay! Someone PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help me! What should I do? How should I react at the apt? All of what I said was true, I never knew what regret really felt like until now. I can't even go outside in the sun or listen to music without feeling I don't deserve to because I ruined myself.(also it costed so much cuz I also got breathing fixed but I still can't breath out of my left side, I mean what the hell, my left side is great on the outside but not the inside and reverse for the right side, I don't deserve this!)