Botched Rhinoplasty - Severely Depressed - New York, NY

Hi everyone, I'm here looking for a little...

Hi everyone, I'm here looking for a little guidance. I had a closed septorhinoplasty seven days ago and the cast came off today. First of all, I want to say that I'm a transgender woman so the overall goal for this procedure was to create a more feminine nose as mine had a huge bump and pointed downwards. I also want to say I feel like I did everything right in terms of researching and finding the right surgeon. I went to a surgeon who performs hundreds of rhinoplasties a year, specializes in them, and even gives international conferences on them. On top of that, I have seen his before and after work and its beautiful. I certainly didn't price shop either as this was the most expensive nose job I or any of my friends/family had ever heard of. I had a great rapport with the surgeon and he performed a digital mockup for me in our pre-op meetings and I adjusted the nose until I was happy with it. I told him I wanted it to be as feminine as possible with a slight ski slope shape. Overall, I felt really confident going into the surgery because I thought I had done everything right. Come the day of the surgery, he asks me once more right before I'm about to go under to confirm the concept I had for my nose and I told him: feminine and a slope, NOT straight. He was like "ok don't worry, it will turn out great." After the surgery was over, I became very disappointed in his office because communication on their end halted. They never called me to set up post-op appointments, I had to do it myself. I started to feel like he was overbooking patients and simply churning out surgeries without giving any individualized attention. I was willing to overlook this if the results were good.

So...finally comes the day to reveal my nose. I just want to say that I've had many friends who have had rhinos who told me not to be shocked when I see my new nose and that it will look nothing like it is going to because of swelling. As soon as he took the cast off, my nose felt relieved. I could breathe and I thought it was going to look great. He even told me "Wow, it looks beautiful." He told me, however, that there was a blood collection in my septum (whatever that means) and he proceeded to inject my septum with lidocaine, cut something out, suture it up, and insert more packing while I was awake. He told me that if he did not remove it, the swelling would be prolonged. I had never heard of this and to be honest, it gave me an uneasy feeling. I just felt like something went wrong. Anyways he told me to look in the mirror and to say I was mortified would be an understatement. It is SEVERELY swollen but I have to say that it doesn't even look like a nose. The first thought that came to my mind was Voldemort. My nose looks much more upturned and piggish than I wanted and the whole thing is a giant shapeless blob. To make matters worse, there is no slope that I can see. It's just straight down. I feel like the nose just does NOT fit on my face and I really regret doing this. I was so depressed that I covered my nose with gauze and tape and went to work but as soon as my boss asked me how I was feeling I began to cry hysterically and she sent me home for the week to feel better. My parents think its just swelling and I'm overreacting but I think they're secretly mortified as well and are just trying to make me feel better. Personally, I'm so horrified by my new nose that I can't even look in the mirror. How long does it take for just some of the swelling to go down to the point that it looks like a nose? I just feel like I can never go out in public again which obviously wont work as college starts in 5 days and I work as well. This feels like a nightmare and I don't think it's hit me that this is my new nose. I honestly feel suicidal. Is it possible that I will ever accept this nose and be happy again?
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