From Too Small to Perfect to Symmastia (and Repairs) - Montreal, QC

I started this journey back in november 2011. i...

i started this journey back in november 2011. i realized i wasn't going to put up with being flat chested all my life and decided to start looking up info on the net, and i was pleasantly surprised by all the information i've found, both on doctors website and discussion boards, online communities, etc. i also discovered that many girls starting out with very little were able to get really big and attractive sizes. i was always for bigger boobies, the bigger the better, and having close to zero natural tissue was like a slap in the face, and i also initially thought it would prevent me to get to a reasonable size if i was to go with a breast augmentation surgery, but i was very excited to find out that this wasn't the case!

so i tried to find a good, well known, and well praised doctor not too far from home, and that was either in Montréal or Québec city, for me, since i live right in between these two major cities. i had lots of trouble precising my search and finding one doctor whom i thought i could trust, but eventually, by word of mouth with people i know and some recommendations here and there on forums and such, i decided to go with Dr Bensimon (not the one i mention for this review, since i switched surgeon afterwards) who seemed to be a good choice for me.

i met him and thought he was nice and seemed to agree with my goals and wanted to get me there. i asked him to get me as big as possible. he also asked me which kind of cup size i'm looking into and i asked him for D or DD at least. i knew cup sizes are a vague measurement for breast sizes, but i thought that would at least feel big enough for me, coming from AAA cups. when he agreed to give me 450cc approx. and told me he could fit me as much as possible while on the operating table if i agreed to let him decide, which i did, i was happy and that size seemed like a good one, according to all the before and after pictures i had seen of such sizes.

so then surgery day came pretty quickly and i was given mentor 500cc high profile silicone implants in both breasts, on January 25th, 2012. initially i was happy, but i really quickly became disappointed by how little they fluffed out. they also never properly dropped and i never had much lower pole. i also didn't get a iota of sideboob, they were totally contained on my chest. i became convinced these implants were both completely different than what i asked for (big boobs) and they were also ill fitting on my frame since they were so narrow yet so "pointy" by having lots of projection. it felt like having half-spheres glued to my chest.

i went from a 36aaa to a 34dd bra size, but it meant nothing to me, because no matter the bra size i was wearing, i really looked like i had b or c cups at best. in loose clothes or work uniforms, i almost still looked flat-chested.

so when i realized i wasn't going to be happy with my surgery, i decided i should talk about it with my surgeon in person and officially ask him to do something about it. i did after 6 months and some and he asked me to wait it out another 6 months and we'd talk about it again. i did, then i saw him again. while initially he had talked about going to around 700cc ultra high profile under local anesthesia for a reasonable price, he then changed his tune and told me i was still too tight and that he could only get me to around 645cc ultra high profile and only under general anesthesia, so the price ended up being almost the same price as my first procedure, minus 800$.

both the size offer and price were unreasonable to me, so i decided to find out a different surgeon. that's when i found out about Dr Beauregard.

at first when i was searching for a good surgeon for what i wanted, i didn't have any leads and couldn't find which one was the best, but this time around i had talked about it to so many girls that i had this name as reference for a surgeon that is more experienced with larger implants, which is what i needed after all, since mainstream size implants looked small on me.

my new surgeon immediately agreed with me that my previous implants were too narrow for my frame. i had no side boob at all and i just plain looked small. he suggested i should go all out and get the mentor 800cc mod+ saline implants, because they would fill out my chest and would allow me to overfill larger than 800cc and eventually bigger than standard capacities if needed, because they are the best for doing so. i was a bit worried about the extra diameter, because it was much more than what i had in mind (i thought i would ask for ~1cm wider implants, not 2~3cm wider), but he reassured me it would be okay.

i was also already decided to switch to saline implants, for many reasons:

- cheaper
- more flexible for size and correcting asymmetry
- possibility to overfill
- rounder/bigger look overall

so i got this surgery done on August 28th, 2013, 2 and a half months ago. i was much more thrilled with my results right from the start and i finally can say i have big breasts now, so that in itself made it all worth it. i would never regret getting this breast augmentation revision, because my previous implants felt ridiculous to me. i would've rather not have any augmentation than being stuck with these. now on the other hand, i love them. i would still like to go bigger eventually, because i really make these huge implants look small, especially in clothes, but i'm not sure how and when i will be able to, both because of potential complications with larger implants and cost.

i already am dealing with a potential complication, but it seems to be getting better, and that's about some tenting i started to get at around 1 month post-op. it had been getting worse steadily, up to around last week. i saw my surgeon about it and he wasn't convinced it was permanent, but agreed it was worrying and i scheduled a corrective surgery to get more room in my pockets laterally, but since it started getting better very recently, i'm crossing my fingers that i might avoid additional surgery. i already posted about it in the Q&A section of this site.

so now i have 800cc mod+ saline implants filled to 800cc in left breast and 960cc in right breast. the difference in volume was to correct some chest wall asymmetry i have because of my slight pectus excavatum condition. i still don't know what bra size i am, but it will probably end up being around 34g, maybe h. i'm waiting for some more healing and settling before investing in good bras, which i will have to buy online, since no local bra store carries these kind of sizes. i'm currently wearing coobie bras to sleep and an ill-fitting but comfortable enough 38d bra i bought at Wal-Mart; it's way too small in the cups, but by removing the underwires it supports my breasts well and doesn't hurt.

my stats!

i realized i forgot to specify my stats in my review! i'm 34 years old, no kid, 5'9.5" and around 135 pounds. i measure 31" under my bust, 38" over (now), 31" waist and 37" hips.

d&f continues and updates on tenting

so they've continued to drop into place and fluff a bit. they look and feel much better, and leftie's flat spot continues to look less noticeable. i'm happy about how things are turning out so far. i still yet have to go and try to get a properly sized bra, but i sure can't wait to do so!!!

tenting doesn't seem to have changed in the last few weeks, i mean it still looks about the same "depth" by how my skin is raised, but as they are healing, my breasts are getting closer and closer and now i barely have any gap left in the lower portion of my cleavage. on pictures it's scary i think, but when i look down, it just seems that the way my breasts touch, the angle is just sharper, they still seem to be attached to my sternum. i'm kinda getting fond of their closeness lately, but i'm still crossing my fingers it's not full-on symmastia. i still have that revision surgery scheduled on January 8th and i'm almost 100% certain i want this done, if only for my surgeon to take a look and make sure my pockets are safe, and give them a bit more room laterally (that's the plan).

i added a slew of pictures to show you all how they look lately!

i have symmastia.

ok, i've been juggling with this issue for a while and was scared to call it like it is, but now i'm sure it's not just some skin tenting, i really have most of my cleavage raised and it's pretty constant. it's been such an emotionally difficult thing to admit and it's very difficult to go through.

i know my surgeon's initial plan to attempt to fix isn't enough, so i want to talk with him about it. i called his office and made another appointment to see him before surgery. unfortunately, said appointment could only be made the day before surgery, so i'm waiting for that day and i hope he'll agree to do a proper symmastia repair and that it will work out well!

i am trying not to dwell too much on all the negative stuff happening around my surgery, but it's tough. yesterday i managed to feel a little better, after a few days of feeling really gloomy. i also bought 2 underwire supportive bra at last this week and one of them ended up shrinking a bit in the washing machine (didn't use the dryer), so i'll have to modify it probably, but otherwise i'm very happy to finally have some nice support and pretty bras :)

saw back my PS, the plan

so another month has passed and i finally met my surgeon again, earlier this week. by that time, things have gotten worse again, and i really wanted a proper repair and that's what i came up with when i met him. it took a lot of time and discussing, and i had brought many pictures on my tablet so i managed to show him exactly what my issues are and i think he really understood this time. he finally agreed for a full fix. it will be one hell of a surgery though :( i knew it would be, but with things being official, it's a hit.

i'm looking at 3 different issues and the repair will be done under general anesthesia and probably will take around 2h30. he will do a capsulotomy on the sides to open up the pocket as we had already discussed the first time around, but he will also do a capsulorraphy under my right breast, because as it has been pointed to me a few times already earlier, i have slight bottoming out of that breast, and medially, to fix the symmastia. he will also reduce the volume of my right implant to 800cc and possibly, if needed, reduce both implants a bit more.

i'm quite sad about this whole thing and the thought of going backwards in size on top of everything is tough, but i'm really hoping it helps and things heal up properly this time :( my right breast looking so much larger too, i don't mind too much trying to have even implants again, i'll probably have less projection in that breast now, as it was when i had my 500s, but at least it wasn't apparent!

the real problem though i how much time i will need off work and all. i didn't have time to fully discuss the issue with my boss, but i told him about the date and time off i would need and he seemed pissed about it. i was taken aback, because he isn't usually like that, but i really need that surgery and ASAP, because this whole process has taken its toll, and i'm sinking in a financial and emotional pit lately. hope he comes around.

so i had my repair revision 6 days ago. now post-op!

in the end i had internal sutures in both creases and on both sides in my cleavage. my pockets were reopened laterally and my muscles lifted a bit more too, on both sides as well. he also made room on top of my pockets so my implants have time to drop and settle again slowly, all to avoid pressure on the stitches i guess. i'm not in too much a mess considering all that's been done i guess, but pain has been pretty bad. i'm on day 6 and i still need the heavy meds. i may have to call in the clinic and get a renewal on those pills. my implants are now 700cc left and 800cc right. i thought he was gonna make both the same size, but he only reduced the difference in size instead, but still made them smaller by a good margin (100 and 160cc).

up until now, things are healing smoothly; i've been wearing my thong bra pretty religiously, but today i'm taking a small break, because my skin is starting to break off real bad on some spots from the continuous wear of this thing. i hope everything will heal alright, because this is quite the challenge. i took 2 weeks off and i will need them all i tell you.

now if only i could be happier about the outcome, it would be great, but it's not so much. they look SO MUCH smaller than before. i feel like they lost their "punch". i liked the little fakeness they had and now they look so much more natural. anyways, i'll see how it turns out with time and healing and settling down, but still. i'm pretty sad...

so anyways, i'm sharing a few pictures to show you how they look like. if the repairs hold well, i'll be able to say that my surgeon did a good job! fingers crossed!

a new picture to show progress

they're healing ok so far. i really hope the stitches hold and all, but i'm still really sad about their new position. they look really good on pictures, considering, but they really don't flatter my upper body anymore :( i'm hoping it gets better as they heal, but i'm not so sure it will happen, as they shouldn't move much with these repairs, unless something breaks...

some comparison pictures

i'm still working out the process of accepting their new size. damn it they're smaller. i'm still fitting my 36f (us) bra, but i have no volume in the cleavage area whatsoever. that's somehow what i thought would happen, but dammit it sucks. i'm back to having zero cleavage in any low cut top.

4 weeks progress pictures and some new ones in clothes

i have to admit i'm getting very tired/annoyed/angry/frustrated/etc/lol of wearing this thong bra, but then again i'm too scared not to wear it, so i'm only giving myself a day off once in a while, when i'm not working, and i much prefer those days. wearing a bra and in clothes, i find i look bigger than before, but naked or braless, i really find them smaller and kinda flat. i hate not having any cleavage whatsoever :(

i'm healing great i think though. i'm a bit scared of the symmastia repairs not holding since they've been closing in the middle a bit, but it still seems to be okay. i'll probably take another round of progress pictures in a few days/weeks.

5½ weeks update and pictures (nude/bikini top/striped top)

they are continuing to heal properly, but i'm still worried about the symmastia coming back since they're still healing so close together. my ribcage really is working against me on this. even though my breasts now literally start from my backside, and i should have huge sideboob, they're still wanting to heal towards my midline. i'm wearing my thong bra almost 24/7 and praying everything holds!

i'm adding a few pictures i took this week-end. i'm sad that they look smaller in the nude, but i'm at least happy that they look bigger in clothes. that's been my smile of the day, lol

i like them a lot in clothes, not so much my cleavage

the two photos i'm adding are self-explanatory to what i'm happy and unhappy about my repaired girls.

the repairs are still holding and i'm liking them a bit more in clothes. it still hurts after a day spent when i'm not wearing my thong bra. for some reason my gray underwire bra makes them hurt a lot in the creases by the end of the day. that's one thing i'm looking forward to: wearing a proper normal bra and not hurting.

i'm also impatient to be able to stop worrying about my complications creeping back. i'm guesstimating i should be mostly safe after 3 months; that seems to be the average time most repair surgeons will require to wear the thong bra so i'm trying to follow this recommendation (my surgeon didn't give me any, he's like that...)
Montreal Plastic Surgeon

i was very pleased with the staff and my surgeon, who took all the time i needed to discuss my revision options and worries/expectations. appointments often ran late, but i was fine with it, since i understood why it happened when he was taking a lot of time to go above and beyond my expectations of a surgeon and explain to me everything i needed to know. i felt no pressure to leave his office. i think he does beautiful work, i've seen it on many other girls, and i have to say that he did something great with what he had to work with (my body). surgical settings were fine, if a bit colder than what i am used to, with no rooms to recover in, but overall i felt safe and in good hands. i was able to see my surgeon on short notice when i was worried and while my first surgery was 4 months after my first consult, which itself was a 6 months wait, i will be able to get a revision to fix my problems in 2 months, if still needed.

5 out of 5 stars Overall rating
5 out of 5 stars Doctor's bedside manner
4 out of 5 stars Answered my questions
4 out of 5 stars After care follow-up
5 out of 5 stars Time spent with me
4 out of 5 stars Phone or email responsiveness
4 out of 5 stars Staff professionalism & courtesy
5 out of 5 stars Payment process
2 out of 5 stars Wait tmes
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Comments (62)

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How's everything with you? Are they healing good so far? They look good on the most recent pics!
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thank you for the compliment and for caring!!! :) i do like them more that way than when they were all crooked and broken!!! but i am very sad about the no cleavage thing. i feel exactly the same as when i had my 500s, except the overall size, placement and sideboob is much better, so at least it's not a total loss! they seem to be healing well. the weird ropey feelings inside are getting less noticeable and they're looking better, but it still hurts in so many ways and bras and such. that's about it. i'm still not sure if i'll have this fill or not in ~6 months. if this weird pokey implant thing doesn't go away though i'll go crazy if i don't have it fixed, so that might force me to do that fill, hoping things don't go south again then.
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You look great. How much is your total cost including your initial surgery? It seems like you have been through so much. Please keep us updated.
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thank you kiwi!!! i'm learning to accept that some aspects of BAS i wanted i'll never get, so overall yeah when i forget about these, i think i look great, and much "healthier" than before my revision, so i'm kinda positive lately :) but yeah, it's been difficult, and it still is. i mean i'm wearing my thong bra almost 24/7 and i'm still afraid of the symmastia coming back and all, so! ------------ i paid 6990$ for my first surgery with my first surgeon; then 4500$ for my upsizing revision with my current surgeon; and finally 1800$ for the repair revision with him. you can consider ~1000$ of income loss each time, with a lot more actually with my first surgery since i wasn't able to go back to work for 2 months. but then again i was on unemployement at the time, lol. i had to buy different bras a lot and that thong bra that cost me 180$. that would put my expenses at more than 16000$ up until now! ------------ i still have to go under local and get those implants filled to a safe level before calling it quits!
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I'm 28 days post-op and my breasts are very close together. If I wear any bra, there is no space between my cleavage. My Dr. says I will be swollen for 3 months. I am trying to do whatever I can to prevent symmastia just in case. They guy who did my breasts in 1990 made them very close together with out telling me ahead of time. It allowed very little room for error with this surgeon. I had them for 23 years and no problems except capsular contracture. I've had it twice and I assume I will get it again. They are sub-glandular MemoryGel 400cc ( I had 385cc before). Most people sub-muscular people are told to massage their breast pushing them towards the center to make cleavage. I read on the internet that massaging outward from the center can help prevent symmastia. I have to massage everyday anyway to prevent capsular contracture. I went braless day before yesterday and I burned between and the upper left of my breasts. I put on a bra and it didn't help. I put a sport bras on backwards and put a rolled up sock between my breasts. I separated them and made compression on the sternum. The burning went away immediately. When, I go braless I can feel it pulling on that area. I will post some pictures that show it better. I don't think I have it but is still early in my healing process. I want to cautious. I'm not having any more surgery. Mine was done in a hospital and it was expensive. Do you think if you had worn a thong bra and put pressure on the center starting day 26 post op, it could have prevented your symmastia from forming? Thank you
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I'm so sorry you had these problems. You look very good. I hope you keep feeling better.
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oh i totally understand the burning sensation, i also got it a lot after my revision, and even after my first surgery. in retrospect, i think it was the medial tissues very slowly giving up and eventually leading to symmastia, and in that sense, i think you're doing good by giving support to your cleavage area! i do believe it *might* have made things happen very differently if i had worn the thong bra after my size upgrade. i think my surgeon didn't explicitely dissect my muscles medially, but the way my ribcage is made, gravity and pressure goes towards the middle, and my implants settled inwards instead of outwards. with a steady pressure and separation between them, i suspect my tissues might have stretched towards the sides a bit more and, at the very least, minimized the symmastia. that wouldn't account for my bottoming out though. there clearly was something not done right there, but my body also had something to do with it. i really hope yours heal okay after all! symmastia ain't no walk in the park. once you got it, there's no going back to "ease of mind" city. hugs!
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thank you! i really hope i come to terms with what i lost, because i'm having a successful revision up until now, and if it stays that way, i should just be happy, but it's still difficult, because i was hoping for a much bolder/bigger/faker look, and now i'm deathly afraid of going bigger again.
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I read that symmastia is rare and it is caused by the surgeon's "technique". My sub-glandular implants were so close together before this surgery this Dr. had very room for error. I have a paranoid nature. I wanted to do anything in my power to prevent a possible boarder line situation from becoming symmastia. It might not help something that doesn't exist but it makes me feel better emotionally. I have started going braless during the day and sleeping with my sports bra on backwards. The strap center of the sports bra is only about 1.5" wide and flares nicely around the breasts. I stopped using the sock. The bra shifts around during the night giving support to the cleavage and the underside of the breasts. There is no support to the sides but I could take care of that by wearing another bra on top. If I end up sleeping on my side, my breasts don't go together. I'm massaging a little more aggressively because they are firming up (day 33 post-op) and I need to prevent to capsular contracture. However, I hold the median side firmly in place with my other hand. I'm letting them free during the day in hopes of minimizing the capsular contracture which I expect to come back. I hope I can get 23 years out of these. That would make me 86. Yeah, right.... It was the Dr.'s job to include your body's configuration as a factor in determining his surgical technique. Only another surgeon would be able to express an educated opinion. But as an ignorant lay person, I believe his surgical technique caused the problem. Sometimes, "things just go wrong". I believe that it went wrong during the surgery. Dr.s are not perfect. Please don't blame your body. It was his responsibility to take care of your body. If you blame your body, you are blaming yourself. Your body didn't cause this. On the other hand, my body is causing the capsular contracture because I just react to the implants like that. But, I'm not blaming my body. It's just doing it's job to protect me from foreign objects. Your situation is totally different because it was a mechanical issue, that in my opinion, could have been avoided. I get angry about it for you. Not only did it take away part of your body image but also your piece of mind.
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You may or may not come to terms with it. You and I had similar body's before our implants. I could say to myself, but, it is so much better than being flat chested. When I wore the padding, I knew I had nothing there and it made me feel bad. Even if they don't show up under my clothes, I know I have something that looks good (I'm the only person who define that). I can always wear tighter tops to show myself off. Logically, I know it's not really me. But my brain has adopted them as part of my self image. I can always were padded push up bras to look bigger. Courtney Stodden (the 16 year old who married the 49 year old actor) took great pride in flaunting her huge breasts. Now that she is old enough to get implants, she has admitted she was a natural C cup and she was using Victoria's Secret bras and padding to make her look huge. She showed her surgery on TV. She looked like she had two pillows sitting under her neck. Anything for attention. This way she will look the same naked and dressed. She wants Playboy but they want nothing to do with her. By coincidence, she and her husband are "separated" which generates even more publicity...... The word "should" should be stricken from the dictionary. Feelings are an entity of their own. If we suppress them, we will hurt our self esteem and it will bring us down. Feelings are important. "Should", usually doesn't change anything except complicate the situation or make us feel worse. Bad feelings can be an indicator of something we might need to reevaluate. Sometimes there are things we can change, and sometimes we can't change. The hard part for me is recognize the difference. It is very hard for me to accept that there is anything I can't change. I have been fighting losing battles all my life. Everybody gave me the "should" thing but it didn't help. They told me to write down all the things I have to be grateful for. That didn't help. It is difficult to "just" be happy about something you lost because something else replaced it. It's OK to be unhappy. You are mourning a loss. Just make sure, you can make a rational decision if the need arises or if possible, postpone the decision until you are feeling better. Fear is a natural instinct to protect us. It's hard for me to decide when it is rational. I'm glad you are healing physically and I hope you feel better soon.
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thank you for saying all this kiwi, you're super sweet :) i'm doing slightly better as days go on, so it's positive :) i find that i like them in clothes and in tanktops, without the unsightly thong bra, it's just a matter of time when i can stop wearing it, i think i'll feel better overall! the one thing i really lost is the upper pole and amazing cleavage. i'll see how it goes! hope you're doing good too!!!
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I'm doing OK. I forgot to tell you that I wear a tank top under the surgical bras. That way they don't irritate as much. Have they added more saline yet? Will you be able to wear push up bras after you heal? I you can wouldn't that help with the cleavage and upper pole? Glad your feeling better.
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yeah i thought about wearing something under my thong bra, but i don't think i have anything with fabric loose enough that it would work. i guess i'll try it sometime :) tired of that velcro irritating my skin, and those gauze padding everywhere to help for that!!! my surgeon should allow me to add some saline after at least 6 months post-op. i really hope things will hold until then and afterwards too!!! i hope it will help for those too. it should i guess...!
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I wear a plain tank top that fits tight on you under the bra when your at home or sleeping. Anything, to help prevent your irritation. The gauze is also rough. Even if you have to buy a cheap one it would so worth it. You would be amazed how much relief it would give you. Take care.
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hey thanks for insisting, i decided to give it a go and turns out i have 2 tanktops that i can do this for. i have to tighten the thong bra a bit more, but it's much easier than using gauze. i didn't have any problem with irritation as long as i was using gauze though, so it didn't seem rough to me! i'm using "Formedica" non-sterile gauzes that come in a box of 200 of them for like 7$.
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Good
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Are they HP?
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no, they're mentor 800cc mod+ saline shells, but saline mod+ is equivalent to silicone hp.
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First of all you have very good penmenship and explained what you percieve to be a problem. I looked at all of your writing and here is what I believe. You have a beautiful set of tata's and the pain will go away. You will and do have cleavage. Girl just set tight and all around you have made good decisions and I think you will be very pleased in two or three months. The pain will go away much soon. My best to you Karieann
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i really hope you're right Karieann thank you. i keep telling this to myself, but right now it's hard to believe. it's funny because no matter how many times i go through this, i always worry as if i didn't know it takes time. i guess the reason why i worry so much once again is that they have a lot in common with my past 500s, which i didn't like very much at all.
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They look good!
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thank you. i'm still very unsure about how i feel post-repairs. i really wish things hold in place and that i can at least be rid of my complications, but i'm not charmed by their new position and size and all. this has been such a downhill ride...
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I know how you feel! My implants have dropped way to much I feel my nipple sits to high and also these scars have me aggravated I just wanted to heal nicely! My luck :/
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awe poor sweetie!!! i went and checked your review quickly (it's very detailed) and i totally feel you on the scars :( i rarely see someone whose scars are worse than mine! i really hope you find a solution eventually! otherwise, they look pretty even and not too low. they seem to have nice lower pole and no bottoming out at least, right!!!
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How are you? I think u look good but I know how you feel about photos looking better then in person :/ is the pain level the same from when you first got it done?
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