Rhinoplasty: Stories

i did it to improve my self confidence. to ...like myself more, instead of always loathing what i saw in the mirror. and ... i thought if i can like the face more, i would be a little less accepting of the crap people throw at you because they think thats all you deserve- for not being as pretty as x, y, z...and because they know you secretly think you deserve it too.

i just. got tired of having to be this sparkly personality to make up for the lack of my looks..and still be found wanting. i was tired of being forced to be the nice, creative girl all the time...even when i wasnt in the mood.to always have a smile and a shrug when what you Really want to do is stomp your feet and ask for a break and for someone to not look through you or smirk at you.

phew.

unresolved body issues? probably.

my nose... very wide, droopy tip and pronounced dorsal hump. and...far too large for my small face. ive always considered myself a feminine person...until i look into the mirror and wince at my reflection!

so thats what needed changing....

i didnt like my doctor's bedside manner. he seemed more involved in his own expertise than in my fears and expectations. but he was very busy, and seeing as how he specialised in doing only nasal surgery...i chose him.

the op was fine, but i had a lot of swelling , pain was more...uncomfortable than excruciating.

when my splint was removed, i had two deep lacerations on either side of my bridge, which my doctor said was very superficial and would heal within a few days.

at home, i noticed my nose was curved quite a bit to the right, so that it looked skew. at the time, i thought it was just...uneven swelling, but its been a month now and has gotten more pronounced. and my lacerations... are still very dark and deep. went for another check-up... he was quite shocked, and didnt know what to say.

pressure necrosis is what he called it. said there wasnt anything he could do, only time would heal it. id probably have scars. he shrugged, said it was out of his hands.

as for the skewed nose, he insisted it was straight, then after i told him that it wasnt in my mind, as people who dont know ive had rhiniplasty noticed the curvature....he pushed it in and smiled and said...see? now its straight. then told me i must have pushed it in when i slept against my pillow. i might have even believed this if i didnt have daily photos showing that it wasnt something i caused....

have i lost confidence in him?
YES.

i feel- horrible. because ive done something that really isnt acceptable in our culture, and now- ive got these scars highlighting it. and rhinoplasty was supposed to make me feel better and..make me not have to worry about a feature that Always made me selfconscious......and instead ill be the funny story about the girl who went for rhino-shock!horrors!- and didnt even get it done properly.

i havent gone out in a month because im too ashamed of how it looks.
if anyone has any advice, id appreciate it..

is there anything i can apply to my skin to quicken healing time? unfortunately, i cant wear make up because the two lines-one which is quite troughlike- are very dark and show through.

as for the skewness and the fact that my profile is just average and my nose still looks large.... im trying not to think about it.i cant think of it all at once because then i might go to pieces....

(my sister saw me three weeks later, and told me it looked like i still need a rhino. she figured most people wont notice because theres been hardly any change frontally. the only nice change is that my profile is straighter.)

so i basically paid 9000$ for two deep telling scars.

right now. i give up. i went in with a lot of optimisim and hope ...and prayers. because i couldnt see myself living with myself in such a horrible frame of mind forever. and i thought...that instead of just having this chip on my shoulder...id do something proactive about it. and now? now im disappointed and furious...and i dont know whether its at myself. or the doctor. or God.