I have thought about this for years. Going back...
I have thought about this for years. Going back and forth about the philosophy "I should just love myself for who I am". However, I do! I think I am there now. That is why it is the perfect time. I am 42 years old. I have two kids, 15 year old daughter and 10 year old son. They are amazing! I am also in the most wonderful relationship and I am joyful about life.
I am 5'2, 130 lbs pretty active. Seems like a heavy weight, but I wear size 4P-6P and I have a healthy butt. I have been on and off the site for over a year now and thank you all so much for sharing! It has guided me in making some decisions and given me a safe place to discover my feelings and decisions about the surgery.
I scheduled my surgery last year, but had to cancel it. It was not the right time for several reasons and I am glad I waited. I want my boobs to look natural, but I am kind of excited about going a little big! Maybe a D? I have made some rice sizers and I think I would be happy with 400 cc. However, I have a great Dr. who will not let me go to big, or do something that does not work with what I want.
I will post some pictures soon. I can't believe I am finally writing something!
Here is me and my wish pics!
Need to get boobs off the brain.
Why do I even want boob?
Yes I want them, but I feel vain and silly too. Some days I am excited and lately I feel blah. My mom doesn't know. I told her a year ago and she gave me a huge lecture and made me feel hers. She got hers done 20 years ago and I think she has always felt ashamed. She is visiting about 4 weeks out after my surgery and I don't think I am going to tell her. She can just see when she gets here. I only see her once a year so I hope it it not the topic for the week.
How big is too big? Or small?
I have tried on rice sizers. About 350 - 450. Some I really like in my clothes than others I think they just make me look round all over. My biggest concern is the scar and that my nipples will dart out to the sides. I want them to look pretty when they are bare. First world problems right? So silly. Thanks for listening.
Had my Pre Op
So excited and so nervous! All paid and meds in for pick up. Learned a lot today! I really love my team. I feel confident he knows what I want. He said we could go up to 425cc for desired look and will try different sizes when I am having my surgery. I think I am kind of scared. Really excited though. I will be getting Mentor smooth, silicone not sure on profile but I think it will be Mod + need to ask. Don't need a bra. I may get a band. So much to think about and remember. Surgery date is July 5 th. So much to do! My blood pressure is up. I have been excersise and eating better I have lost 5 lbs woohoo!
Thank you so much ladies!
Thank you all for sharing! It really helps!
Just thinking out loud
So I got really skinny going through a two year divorce. Prior to that I was working out 5 days a week went Vegan for 2 years and now mostly Vegan. Put on some weight but my really great friend bought me a fit bit and I have been walking like crazy and eating way better. I am a pretty healthy eater but I love potato chips. I have been slimming down and I am back to 130. Which for my height I am over weight but even a few pounds smaller I was pretty thin. Hoping to get back to that. I see some woman's post and think my god they are so beautiful yet they talk about thinning out too. Getting back in shape. I think we are all beautiful and we should just do our best to take care of our amazing, functioning bodies and be happy. I do want boobies. I was made for them in my gene pool but got jipped. However, I think full figured women are so beautiful so I am just ready to accept the belly the booty and 42 year old arms and have fun! Ok just nervous and anxious. I will probably get more feedback after surgery I hope. I know myself and I will probably have a moment of panic if I made the right decision. Thanks for being here
I got it done! I am so happy, sore and weepy.... To be expected. Everyone at the hospital are the kindest most awesome people ever and I will give them all a thank you card and possibly some cookies. They made me feel comfortable, safe and really great about my decision. I have to say I am happily surprised by my results! I knew my PS doe amazing work but was still a little scared. Have a surgical band on top and that is it. They are pretty swollen and the pain comes and goes. My family has been rock stars! (Kids and boyfriend) I feels so supported and spoiled. New experience for me being mom but I am so appreciative and enjoying it. I know I need to take it easy these first few days. Drive home was about hour and a half and that felt pretty good. Using my ice packs and logging my meds. My boyfriend is so wonderful. More than happy to take care of me. In fact I think he enjoys it. That is a new experience for me. I ended up with 375 mentor moderate plus. The band is "hiding" the high swelling on top. I will wait to peek at that tomorrow with my PS. Appointment 10:45. I didn't get any good before pics but I will see if my PS will share the ones he took of me. These photos are selfies and late at night. I think they look bigger and better in person. I would appreciate any thoughts.
PO Day 1
First photos. Late night selfies.
2 Day Post
Got a few hours of good sleep. Pain meds give me crazy dreams, sometimes fun and sometimes not. Woke up feeling really sore, tight and heavy. My daughter got me some fresh ice packs, water and some applesauce so I could take my meds. Hubby gave me a "disco bath" just washed me down a little with warm hand towels, brushed my hair, got out of my robe and into clothes. Answered 30 work emails, been walking around the house a little, paid a few bills got my son ready for a camping trip. Not over doing it, but feeling pretty good. Sometimes the pain is more like a tightness when I was breastfeeding and couldn't pump or nurse until later. Was a little weepy for a moment. Started my period right after surgery. Overall I feel pretty great.
My right boob seems smaller than my left but I know camera angles do not flatter all the time. It is not as pronounced when I look in the mirror. I do have swelling under my strap too. I told myself
I would not pick apart, especially right away.... But I'll vent here. I have worked really hard to get in shape for six years. Like I said before I gained a little but lost some. Down to 130. My nurse so sweet said I looked like a 110 and I must wear my weight well. I was starting to feel pretty good again, well I feel good on the inside for sure. However I was taking more pictures and my full body shots are making sad I guess. My boobs still look small and my belly looks huge. I am sure I am bloated and my period doesn't help. I have read lots of posts and it seems there is a roller coaster of emotions this week. I don't want to be vain, but when I was looking in the mirror earlier I thought I looked really great but the pictures didn't look like what I thought I saw. I am not
Posting those ones. I feel embarrassed and like a baby for even complaining. Does it get better? I hope so. Now that I have to wait to run I am worried.
Maybe I should try on one of my tank tops this evening or tomorrow if I can take my strap off with some jeans and see. Plus a poop would be good too! If anyone wants to tell me to suck it up feel free!!!! I am a very blessed lady and lucky girl.
My PS will print off my before pics tomorrow so I will post them when I get them. I have the real self app. Does anyone know hot to change it to worth it and edit the review first thing you see?
Thanks again community!!!!!!
I think I just have the Bobbie blues. I feel awesome then really down or blah. Maybe I am just tired. Ok good night.
Day 3 PO
Got some sleep last night. Woke up once to go to bathroom. Had morning boob, but having some coffee and no Meds yet. I feel way better than yesterday morning. I think I will try Tylenol today. See my PS in about an hour. Will give an update then, maybe some pics too. I bought some cute Jammie shorts and thirst. I am excited for shower. My daughter said she would do my hair so maybe I will feel a little cute and that will help with the blues. I have no appetite. Eating applesauce, white rice and blueberries just so I don't get nauseated. I am a vegetarian and I have IBS so I am on a specific diet too, which I don't mind but it bothers everyone else. I am clearly not withering away and I get lots of nutrients. I eat mostly veggies which I love. I drink lots of water. I have been taking my Senekot for a few days but still waiting. Need to get ready. Talk more later.
Feel so much better today. Morning boob and tight around sutures but ice packs and ibuprofen are taking care of that. I can shower tonight yeah! My band needs to stay on through the weekend. It wasn't quite placed high enough. I called about it yesterday, and I am glad we talked about it today. I really want to make a BM. My stomach hurts and I am bloated. Hopefully not taking pain Meds will help. I think overall they look pretty good. The implants are high but they will settle over time. PS said my swelling will go down 10-15%
Miss walking my dog. I do feel really good though.
My ex-husband is picking up my son so he can have dinner with his uncle from LA. Its not part of our parenting plan but I try so hard to be cool for my son, even though it is not reciprocated. My son knows I have had surgery and needs to be gentle with me but hasn't clicked it's my boobs yet. I am sure he will say something to his dad and I am sure I will get an earful. I know I shouldn't care and when I do it gives him power, but it's hard sometimes. He plays on my feelings of doing something for me is a direct reflection of the "negligent selfish vain mother I am." It sucks. Has anyone else gone through this?
For some reason I am so chatty today. Thanks again for listening.
Pretty much no pain all day. Feel great except every once in a while I get a shooting pain in my nipple. I was right about my ex too. Sent me a bunch of texts saying how vain and superficial I am.
I think I understand now
No more pain. Everything should be great. Boobs are still firm of course. I thought I would be elated, and I guess sometimes I am. Not being able to lift up my arms and be active is tougher than I thought. I enjoy the time off but I am always crazy busy and doing , making things. The muscle spasms feel weird and it makes me worry. I am just glad I have somewhere to talk. I am so grateful and sad at the same time. It is so stupid. I am hoping when I can wear a bra and get back to my routine I will own these babies and be pretty extatic. Plus they don't feel like my body yet. And what is worse I feel like a brat! Selfish get to actually have a boob job and have all these weird feelings and today I thought they are to small! Seriously!!!!! What is wrong with me? I think they actually look quite beautiful then I psych myself out. I should probably get a few new shirts. I just started wearing heels and wedges the last couple of years. I always fade into the crowd. Don't like a lot of attention. I am very grateful just hope this isn't something else to get insecure about. I guess what I am trying to say is, I have read a lot of stories and seen so many pictures and being on the outside thinking you girls look awesome and rock it! I am really not a snob I just didn't realize and how dumb.
Positive pain is gone! Mostly and been gone.
I have had a speedy recovery!
I still need to work on some things inside.
I have a supportive family!
I am looking forward to bra shopping.
My kids love me.
We are healthy and safe.
I just wanted some boobs! Why am I giving myself such a hard time?
And I didn't want huge boobs. Not for me. I just wanted some boobs.
I am so sick of myself right now ! Had sushi tonight! Took the band off for an hour. It was fun! I am blessed. I am sure I will talk to you all tomorrow. I can't imagine how obsessive I will get when one drops and the other doesn't ????????
Day 5 Pics
Feel great! A little tight and still firm but I think they are settling a bit more. The front views look fuller and prettier in person.
I am going to get a bra
No underwire simple for work. Want to make sure my nips are covered. I don't know how I feel about going bra less yet. They are still heavy??
So not too bad. I got sized at Macy's which was awkward a bit. She measured over my T shirt. She helped me pick out no wire no padding no lift bras. Just want some coverage for work. Not even looking for support. She grabbed me a 34b and 34 c in Warners. I was horrified when I saw the B but it clearly did not cover anything. I went with the C mind you my implants are still high, and all brands are different so I am hoping at 6 weeks my daughter and I can take a trip to Seattle and go to Victoria secret. I did find a really nice soft camisole and a sports bra too size small but it works. Zip up front. More for comfort definitely not running or anything. I got a pink and black bra and a couple of T shirts cause why not? Some of my old clothes make me look frumpy and I am ready to feel and look cute! By the time I got home and tried everything on I was way happier! Yes I got geared up thinking only a C. So silly it's like 5 days. Oh and I am going to have a contain tonight too. Cheers!
I actually think I am a 32 band size
I need to go back to work!
Feeling pretty good!
A bit tight and tingly sometimes but other than that feel pretty great. Starting to fall in love with them although they feel heavy. Not feeling so shy about them. Most people haven't noticed and if they do they don't say anything which is fine with me. Dr. Says they are looking good! Hope you all are well!
Went out last night
Had such a wonderful time. Met up with friends with my daughter and Honey. I was so anxious and not sure still how to dress myself. My implants are still high and I think there is a small flat spot on my right side, but it just may be they haven't dropped yet. It's hot here so I just wore a black tank top and my nipples were pretty concealed and then I threw a light sweater on right before we left.
No one really noticed and my daughter had to point it out to my great friend who then asked me to show her in the bathroom. She said they are beautiful. So yeah I did not want to look like walking boobs. They are for me and my honey to enjoy of course and I can dress them up or down. I think dressing will be easier when I get cleared for the bra shopping and they drop and fluff. Hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I am still a little tired and emotional sometimes, but overall I am a pretty joyful person and always was! I will post some pics.
Do I have dents ?
I feel dents in my boobs and I am stressed about it.
Going to stop by and see my PS tomorrow just to be sure everything is settling correctly. All in all feeling lighter and good! Had the best time with family in Portland! We went and saw Twenty One Pilots last night! One of the funniest times and best shows ever!!!! Proud mom moment for me! Hope you are all well!
I think for us new ones we need to be patient and wait cause I see some really beautiful fabulous boobies settling at about 2-3 months ! Yeah us! My " dents " are going away and I was freaking out! I feel great today! Feel more like my body! Uggg the news of the world !
Yesterday I felt super sexy! Wore a cute sundress, I think some people finally noticed, but in a very good way. Thought they looked amazing. Today they are a little tender and I feel like they look like pancakes. Maybe it is just the way the camera or some of the angles? I still love them. They are not as firm, but not squishy yet either. I feel they are starting to drop a bit, but I don't see or feel any fluff yet. I love them though! Can't wait to get back to yoga and kettle bell. Maybe buy a swim suit this week. Take good care!
Ok not to be gross, but I used to kid around I only wore my bra for the barely boob sweat trickle I used to get. My God! I just feel like two big boob sweat balls! I know it is summer and it is hot here and I am almost 43 but wow!!!! Not complaining. Hope I am not the only one and meant to make you all giggle. I had no idea! Really! None! I am going to need a bra when I get them for every day of the week! Plus extra for washing! Am I wrong? Am I weird ? Happy healing!
Who is massaging and who is not ? My PS does not think it is necessary. I have read many different points of view from this site and Dr. and one PS said just trust your plastic surgeon. I think I am leaning that way. I am bra less after work and somewhat back to regular activities. I took my long walk today. Will wait until I am 6 weeks post to exercise but probably just start with treadmill and not kettle bell although my PS says once at 6 weeks back to everything normal. What do you think?
I know my PS is awesome! However, I have been reading the newsfeed which seems to be loaded with questions about massaging, capsular construction and the like and it's making me a bit anxious. Did I do everything I was supposed to? Did I hear everything my PS said? I am sure I am fine. I already had an extra visit with him. I did ask right before surgery about textures implants and I so t quite remember the explanation but I do remember feeling reassured and doing the right thing for me. Is this the 3-4 week post op syndrome? Maybe they are dropping a bit I think but who knows. Some days I rock these girls and says like today one feels so different than the other it freaks me out! I really am happy but would love to wear a real bra so I can just get dressed and not worry about wires or padding or nipples sticking out of my shirt or boob sweat. Somehow I have freaked myself out that when they get fluffy they will deflate. Arggh. Work was a huge bummer today. I am in human services for developmental disabilities as a government entity and it is awesome and disappointing at the same time. I have a sting heart though so I won't quit or give up on my visions! But some days are really hard. Ok thanks again for listening. I am convinced my right boob is a pancake (and I need to take that back out of the universe) and my left boob is like rock star amazing. I try to use both arms equally so I am not overworking the right. Hubby says I am gorgeous and it's all in my head. I made my friend look at them and she loves them. But I live with them all day ! Maybe my right boob perks up for attention? And now I am just amusing myself because life is getting too serious politically and at work. Or maybe as I just grabbed each girl, I am healing properly cause I don't notice the right one so much. They are still a little tender. Did I ever notice my boobs before ? No! So this could be a good sign of healing . My mom will be here Saturday. If you read my previous posts I am nervous about that! Plus how are hugs for you all? I am a huge hugger! Now I am like don't squish them! In my mind. And is anyone having some love life? I am and it's been safe and cautious but now I am worried about the heart rate thing! Blah blah blah!love you all! Oh and guess what ? I have boobs!
Day 27 - Mom update
Having a great time with my mom. She has looked at me and my chest area several times but has not said anything. Last night she told me she was sorry about last year, when she had me feel her breasts and the big lecture. I told her I just knew she loves me so much and no problem. She said ok thank you! I am so glad, but honey your not flat. I almost spit out my drink and started laughing. I know I am not flat anymore! I just got great tits. Maybe she does not remember. It's not important. Too funny! They are quite a bit larger than what I had. Too funny! Happy Sunday!
Mom left. Always so hard to say good bye. Hubby named the left one Katy and they right Taylor. Too funny.
What do you think? I think the are starting to drop. Be honest I think they look good, but they are shifting. My PS said that would happen and I should give a good 2-6 months before judging.
Ok I think they look weird, small and sad. Maybe it's just my photo skills because today they looked huge in my clothes! Where is the fluff ?
My daughter and I went shopping Saturday to Victoria Secret. We drove 3 hours to get there, but let me tell you we had a blast and I never had so much fun bra shopping! I have my PS this afternoon, so I am waiting to wear one until I get the final of. I had to reschedule my appointment from last week, but already promised my girl a trip. She has a chest 32DDD. And guess what my size is? 32DDD or 34DD. All the bras I picked are 34DD!!! Holy crap! My daughter took a couple of nude photos for me too. Yeah a!!!!!!!!
Surgery at 2:00pm
I woke up at 3 this morning in horrible pain in my left breast. Took hot shower than ice. Woke up this morning crying in pain. Couldn't move my arm. My implant was higher then ever before and felt like it was getting larger. Breast feels like a football verticals. Called my PS went in right away. I have something that starts with an H but basically I am bleeding and that is why my boob looks insane. I have to have surgery to drain it. He will drain, pull implant out, put drains in my boob for a couple of days. Huge bummer. It really hurts too. He said I shouldn't hurt like initial surgery because I have my pocket. He said he has never seen this at 6 weeks out except for trauma. Not sure if my insurance will cover it. At one point felt like I was going to puke and pass out. Had to lay down with my knees up and cool cloth. Feeling better. Still in lots of pain. I'm so sad. I wore a bra for the first time yesterday. I don't want my honey to freak out and I have so much work to do. But in the bright side my implant didn't explode. My kids are healthy. I am loved! I will say I feel really guilty especially paying another expense. I did everything right too. I also have those voices of my dad saying that's what you get for being vain and my ex laughing his butt off. It's a mind trip. I feel selfish and horrible. I thought I was taking good care of myself. I
It's getting bigger. Leave for hospital in 15. I am sort of scared. Ok I am scared but I am strong. The pain has me so numb I am dizzy.
Thank you all so very much!!!
I really mean that! I feel like some of you ladies are becoming my friends. It is so great. I made it home just a while ago. Over 200 cc of blood PS had to drain and I have a little drain on now. I see him tomorrow at1:30 and he will take it out. I feel so much better. The tightness, swelling and blood was making my arm numb and it got so swollen right under my chin. My PS , from what I observed was trying to get on the hospitals butt a little bit. We couldn't go to the one where I had my initial surgery, however I was so glad they could get me in today. He did not want me to wait until this evening. My I cession is very tender because he had to cut back into my scar. The strap is back on. So I think I am going through the post op schedule again even though my boob is not swollen like when I first had my surgery nor does it even come close to that pain. My hubby is and was amazing, my kids are too! I am very loved and I am glad it just came in like crazy I think instead of a silent progression. Right? My boss helped me with some stuff today which I think made her feel great! So I am going to work tomorrow to grab a bunch of stuff and work from home. I feel like I put my family in distress which I did but they are so loving and assure me this is all ok I still deserve boobs and it is ok to want them. My right boob is getting really soft and I almost don't feel the implant anymore. It's is just a bummer because I was going to go swimming this weekend and wearing a bra. Don't my get me wrong though I am so blessed and grateful and really happy. I am so lucky to have such support.
I would ask your PS about hematoma. I did not even know about it or that it could happen. Part of my pain this morning was the fear of what was going on. I thought I pulled my implant out of its pocket and now I was going to have a frankenboob on my collar bone. I know I am talking a lot. It's the drugs and I haven't eaten since 1 yesterday. My baby is getting me and the kids some dinner! Yeah! Love you all and thanks so much for all of your support! Send some pics tomorrow
Freaking out Today
Can't stop crying. I am overworked and stressed out. I had my surgery yesterday for the hematoma and I saw my PS today at 1:30. I am not as sore as I was but I am still sore. Basically, I have to start from ground zero. Can' t raise my arms above my head, blah blah blah. I have to wear this strap for 12 days and I don't know how I am going to hide that under my work clothes. I have visions of boob deformity now because they are going to heal at a different pace and what happens if this happens again? I feel so ugly and bloated. I know I need to get a grip but I am pissed. I can't help it. Plus he said the left boob muscle is much more open so I need to keep pressure to get it back down. I was so excited to go running and swimming and I just got my bras. I know it is not the end of the world, but I deserve to mourn a bit right? Plus I feel like shit. My stomach hurts which makes me have no appetite, and I have not taken any drugs today because I had to grab all of my work stuff and take it home. I did get support from my honey and son, so I should be grateful. I am not posting pics because I don't feel pretty at all. Hopefully I will get over myself and be my bright cheerful self again tomorrow. And I am extremely worried, because even though I am sore it is not like the first operation so I feel like I can just do whatever with my arms. I don't get all the days off to recoup this time. What if it gets infected? Thanks for listening. My PS said they got it all cleaned out so it should be fresh and hopefully no capsular contracture.
2nd round Post Op Day 4
Well my incision is doing good. There is no seepage, and I hydrogen peroxide and put neosporin on it about 4 times a day. Back on the multi-vitamin, plus vitamin C, antibiotics, no Meds. Lots of water. I am pretty healthy. I juice, make smoothies. My diet consists of fruits and veggies. I can't eat potato, gluten, soy, chocolate, sugar with fruits or sugar with grains, and I don't eat meat. However, I do eat seafood until I watch finding Nemo again. :). I was feeling so good I slacked on my vitamins and I have been working too much and not sleeping too well. So maybe it was just a complication of everything. Trying to be very careful. I ordered some nippies, which should get here Tuesday so that should help with work. Does anyone ever start typing about all kinds of things going on in their lives? I do and then delete them. :). Wish you all happy healing. Posting a few pics for you to see progress. I think my left boob is just still adjusting and dropping from the surgery and hematoma, but I don't think it is collecting blood again. The red mark is from my strap. I think my other breast is doing pretty good. The scar feels and looks good. It is getting softer. It was feeling a bit sore too, maybe it is having boob empathy for it s sister. Lol
Feel much better. They are feeling much more settled but you can tell the leftie is still riding high. Wore the strap for two straight weeks! Only took off for shower and laundry. I might keep wearing it at night though.
Little over 9 weeks
Feeling a bit bloated and unattractive today. Just tired. Starting to get squishy hoping for a drop and some super fluff soon. Happy healing awesome friends!
A little worried
10 Sep 2016
2 months post
Feel great but I can't tell if my leftie is getting squishy and still hasn't dropped or something else is going on. No pain but ..... I am just worried. Still taking it pretty easy started walking again. It doesn't hurt just sometimes they both feel weird. I am ok just breath positive thoughts ! Hope you are all well!
12 weeks, 6 weeks
28 Sep 2016
2 months post
Finally starting to feel like my body and getting soft ! Yeah!
Blues over 16 weeks
27 Oct 2016
3 months post
Well my boobs get sore sometimes and I get worried I am going to have hematoma again. I have not posted pictures for a month. My right boob looks beautiful, but my left is not catching up. Now I am just worried. I should be really happy but I think the left one even looks worse a month later. Sigh ..... I hope you are all awesome! Thanks for listening .
They look better today
28 Oct 2016
3 months post
See my PS Monday. I think camera angle and the soreness and the worry throws me off. Look better today, right ?
29 Oct 2016
3 months post
Hello all! Thank you so much! If I did not have you all, my healing experience would have been quite different and not as positive. Being able to share the ups and downs or helpful information to others has been a healthy uplifting part of my healing process. Thank you all for sharing your journey! Have an awesome weekend!!!
24 Nov 2016
4 months post
I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday! For my sisters in London, have a beautiful day. Girls feel great! So soft! They feel like part of me. My left still needs to drop and is a little off, but that is ok. Just takes time! I got engaged last Saturday! We are so happy! Life is great! Always darken my hair up for winter. I feel so pretty and young. Hope you are all wonderful!