I am finally going for a consultation this week. ...
I am finally going for a consultation this week.
At 50 years old I am so ready to embrace who I am and not who I thought I needed to be. Like so many here I got implants at a low time of my life (single mum) at the age of 35. I had NO breast tissue after nursing 3 children- literally a size AAA or less. Before nursing I was a solid A to small B. I had one 18 yr old lifeguard ask me if I had a mastectomy!! He said I was so cute otherwise and figured I must have had cancer!
They did the trick and resolved my insecurities about breast size. However the 360cc saline where too heavy for my thin skin so I switched to silicone. Then as a guy hugged me too tight and my silicone implant ruptured- I didn't know it for sure how ever micro fevers followed for several years and the left breast became hard. The third surgery was to get rid of the capsular contraction. Funny the PS didn't think it was a ruptured implant and had to really clean everything up and remove the capsule. That is when the left side changed and didn't match the right- larger pocket and different shape.
I wasn't thrilled because the left breast never felt right. The implant moves a lot and it feels like it is pinching a nerve. More recently I had an ultrasound of my heart because my left side felt funny. I finally realized it might be the implant. So I started doing research on implant removal and found Realself. Thank G-d because I am driving my bf nuts and need some women to chat with about this.
Thanks for reading my story!
TED talk hang inthere to 3/4 through she has an awesome point
I love her point about body types and confidence!!!
Great consult with Dr. Moliver
He gave me three options based on what I expressed interest in. The first was to have them removed under local and see how the skin reponds (he recommended this). Next option was to remove them under general anethesia and tack down the capsule and muscle. Finally the third option was fat grafting.
He did my last surgery and he does a nice job. Now I need to do some more research. I have a feeling I will go with option one and save for fat graphing if needed. :-)
I am roughly130 lbs and 5'5.75". Hey that 3/4 of an inch is important! I usually weight about 120 lbs. Holidays are over so it's time to get back on The Plan by Lyn Genet. when I had my BA I was under 120 and had NO breasts. Just a little loose skin if I lean forward.
I'll be honest it will be tough to have my tummy stick out as much as my chest. And I have no tummy really. I am prepping to battle with body image.
Preop appt today :-0
I am feeling a bit nervous as I remember all the paperwork that lists all the complications.....YIKES
Wore myself out at a dance camp
So now I'm in bed with a heating pad and can't take alleve etc :-( Surgery is 10 days away....excited and nervous. My partner is sick and coughing all the time. Poor thing finally went to the doctor. I hope he is better before my surgery and that I don't get his cold.
Any suggestions for where to find a post op sports bra?
I wonder whether it will all work out
It has been difficult to get my mammogram to the doctor and I found out my last mammogram was in 2010.......starting to get scared I will look awful afterwards....
Trouble locating sports bras that are xs/30-32 that zip or latch
The small sports bras all seem to slip over one's head. I did get a post surgical bra for right afterwards. I feel excited and nervous. Love reading all the personal journeys....
post op finally
23 Jan 2014
Day of treatment
They are out.....capsules too. Finally! I am sore tired and groggy but ok. I am curious why he took the capsules out. I think it was because the implant from 1998 was sticky even though it hadn't officially ruptured.
The worst part of my surgery was arguing with my boyfriend on the way to surgery :-/
36 hours post op
Well, 36 hrs out and doing well. So much easier than the previous three breast surgeries. I think I have been moving about too much because I am getting very sore now. As you can see from my post op picture I was almost all implant! I think 100cc== 1 cups size. So I went from 360cc rough 3 cups and a 32D on my frame to a 32A or AA. They are wrapped pretty darn tight right now.
It been a perfect day to curl up and read (Divergent by Roth) young adult fiction. That's about my speed while on pain meds.
Gentle hugs to all of my explant sisters. You are all in my prayers. And I am so thankful for each woman who writes a review and shares. You make such a difference! This experience would be harder and lonelier with out you.
Bf bought flowers! What a sweetie:-)
48 hrs post op
Hi, I had my first shower. It felt great. I have swelling on the left side that I am concerned about. I was connected to the doctor immediately via the answering service. We are watching it.
Ps the right one was leaking
I wonder if Mentor will pay for part of the surgery? They did when the left one was removed......it would help tons since I an in-between jobs right now. BTW, my partner has been very supportive of my flat chested look.
Raging head aches at night and morning.....
I think it is the pain meds? Anyone else have this?
I have to watch swelling still. The left one is larger than the right and the nipple is higher. I hope it all settles down in the long run. I can tell I have nipple sensation- Yeay!
It is nice to be on the otherside. I know there will be days I will envy large breasted gals (or just breasted gals!). However at this moment I set an intention to honor my body and celebrate who I am- FLAT chested, small waist and womanly hips......the perfect body for the more modest 19th century fashions. Maybe it is time to buy a period costume? Now what to do with my pink whale bone corset......LOL.
Rough morning :-(
Feeling out of sorts......here are pictures of my compression bra. I wish wish wish this swelling would go down. And don't laugh cause the pictures don't look like I'm swollen at ALL :-/ The compression bra pushes the fluid to the sides of my boobs.
Just had my left breast drained of 30cc serum/blood. It didn't hurt but, was scary feeling if that makes sense.
post draining pictures
Okay, the tape strips are off and my left breast now matches the right. All the fluff from fluid and taping is gone.....let the healing commence!
5 days post op and I am trying to stay positive.....
ALL the perkiness of swelling and tape strips is gone......sad, bruised wrinkly boobies. However I am still so happy to have MY own sad boobs back! It took me almost 1 year to go from D's while nursing to AA so I expect it will take at least 6 months before I know how much the skin will tighten up. XOXOxoxoxox to all my healing sisters. I'm headed to reread all the wonderful reviews that show us how much things can improve in a year!
Rediscovering the empowerment of sexy lingerie
Instead of trying to mold my body to the industry standards I have discovered some lovely lingerie for small busted women. Google Luva huva on Etsy.....sigh.....GRIN....this may be my new addiction:-)
luva huva sample
NO I am not selling these just trying to share pictures of sexy small boobs in beautiful simple lingerie!
OK...the tears are hitting 6 days post op
I tried to find an outfit to wear with my lovely compression bra......and realized how much things have changed. I guess you could call it grieving for the change in how I look. I feel fat- gained 10 lbs prior to surgery rationalizing a fat transfer LOL....sniff....anyway in my head I know this will pass and I am so glad not to have hard unnatural implants on my chest.....
However I feel yucky. I am wondering how I will navigate sex. I think I will wear a cami or cute lacy bratop. Ideas?
Bf is being sweet- saying all the right stuff but, I feel like he is lying.
Ok here is day 7 pictures..
The skin is shrinking and they are not swelling any more. Slowly they are healing and looking better. It is tough NOT to do things now that I have the time off to do them. I do not want another seroma so I am reading and doing quiet stuff. Thank you ladies for all the
SUPPORT!! It cut off my end of my message. YOU make all the difference in the world:-) Thank you
just slipped and fell catching myself with my arms on the bed. I felt everything jerk inside and am afraid that I really botch things. :-(
Crashed emotionally last night
Well, it all caught up to me. I knew it would sometime. After accidentally jarring my boobs when I fell, I got really down and negative. Nothing was right and I thought the worst of everything. I couldn't even bring myself to go out to a meditation class- just wanted to hide from people. Plus this isn't a surgery you tell everyone about and I didn't want to explain myself.
Bf found me crying in the bedroom and was really emotionally caring. He's so real, human and willing to emotionally engage. That is what I love about him in spite of his occasional selfishness and such. He is a wonderful mess and accepts me when I'm a mess. Sheesh I'm getting teary writing this.
Anyways, I took some pain meds and we watched tv sitcoms in bed- Blacklist, Intelligence and Helix. A lot of violence but good diversion. I feel like i need to reset myself and cleanse my soul today. I should have gone to meditation and been vulnerable.......sigh.
I guess there is too much change in my life. It isn't bad- just a lot. I'm inbetween careers and jobs. I got divorced a year and half ago. I am just not sure who I am anymore. Part of my journey back to me- I am really trying to listen to my heart and soul- to what gives me life and makes me feel alive and energetic vs. what drains life and stops the energy. Is this midlife gf? I haven't go through menopause that I know of. Had my hormones tested.
~~~~~ anyways, once I can do the things that take care of my soul things will be better. For me that is dancing and yoga. I also want to volunteer while I have the time.
What gives you energy and makes you shine?
Keep your tits up and everything else will fall in place!
One of my favorite sayings that I first heard from a wise and delightfully insane New Orleans woman.
90cc removed from left breast
Ok, I woke up today and my left breast felt much better than yesterday. yesterday it fit into my old 32d bras! I even had upper pole fullness and felt nauseated.
So instead of inserting drains they only drained it with a syringe. If it swells again rains go in. I saw Dr. Kendall Rheil (?) who just joined Dr. Moliver's practice. She is very real and friendly. Her speciality is breast reconstruction so that is what we talked about while she had the needle in my breast!
Draining doesn't hurt, just feels weird. My incisions are healing well so they took my stitches out. I promised them I would compress the heck out of my breasts this week. Fingers crossed that this will be it.
Btw, I truly appreciate the office staff. Wally and Christine were caring and kind and worked me ASAP. Office staff make or break a practice and they make it!
almost two weeks post op
I am really feeling off today. My left breast has not swollen up again ---yet. Keeping it tightly compressed. That is the good news. The left nipple has become extremely sensitive. This is the breast that was smaller pre BA so I expect it will be all skin again :-/ For fun I took my measurements:
usually my hips are 36ish but I gained 10 pounds and it all goes to fluffing my bum.
Maybe I need to move to Brazil?
I am feeling ok with my decision just sensitive about being naked and about having skin flaps for breasts which is what I had pre-BA.
SOMEHOW I am going to find a way to honor my body and soul. I am worthy of love no matter my breast size. This ridiculous culture will not hold me hostage any more!
Good morning world! It is a beautiful day :-)
I have been struggling for days with emotions of not being pretty, not being enough, not being lovable. It is ridiculous how down feeling sore and tired can make me. Every little thing throws me! Today I woke up at 3:32am anxious about life. So I just decided that this cycle must STOP! My life is basically pretty good minus a few family issues I can't control.
Today's focus is gratitude.
I am thankful for:
My partner who has been very understanding
The educational program I am in
The Realself website and the wonderfully supportive women I have chatted with here:-)
Here is a toast (coffee mug in hand) to ALL the lovely courageous women who are refusing to let society define them!
13 days post op
This will be my last picture until something significant changes. No change is good right now. They are pretty much the same size and the swelling seems to be under control. The left one hurts more- I'm taking that as a sign it is finally healing now that the swelling is down:-)
Good morning world!
Today I woke up feeling like I was run over by a motor scooter instead of a mac truck! It has been 19 days and I am finally starting to feel better in the mornings which are the hardest for me.
Yesterday TitleNine sent me a flier for their new bra series:-) I love their products and am excited that they are focusing on cute bras for small to medium sized women as well as their trademark NO Bounce bras.
Lately I have been reading Dr. Kolb's website on silicone detox and research needed on the use of implants over time. My right implant had been in almost 15 yrs and was bright yellow (oooooo yucky) and had this stringy slimy stuff around it. My PS showed me a video of him touching the implant surface and this string goo stretching 6-8 inches. YUCK! I was wondering what that was as they couldn't technically find a hole in the implant. Well, Dr. Kolb recommends exchanging implants after 10 years because lipolysis can occur. What the heck is lipolysis? A biological interaction that causes the implant envelope to become more permeable and therefore allow things in as well as silicone out. She says she has seen intact gel implants with little silicone in them and no rupture due to lipolysis :-O
So just as a precaution I am going to start her detox. BTW, she had implants herself and later went on to study holistic medicine since there wasn't much known about how to treat heavy metal in the body. Silicone implants often have traces of heavy metals in them. Check out her site. There is tons on info and she doesn't seem to be an extremist. She still uses silicone implants in her practice.
Enough serious rambling LOL
Love and appreciate ALL of you beautiful women on this site. Your spirit and willingness to share this journey makes all the difference in my world!
Well the volume that I had was only fluid. About 45cc on both breasts. I am so sad, angry, frustrated. I can't work out for several more weeks. While draining me he poked me in the rib- OUCH! Grant it I am emotionally sensitive right now.....next doctor will be a female.
5 days post draining and....
I think they may have settled down! Yeah! Today I woke up feeling better than I have in awhile. The swelling must have been causing the pain in my breasts and middle of my back between my shoulder blades. They are small and funny looking but, dare I believe they are FINALLY on the road to recovery :-) Time is the loveliest four letter word!
A website dedicated to educating young girls and women
about REAL breasts......this is so very cool
it is called 007b. Under small breasts you can see pictures and read stories but what struck me as the BEST part was the guys who posted in response. They basically said they were surprised that the women would be so upset over having small breasts because they have always found small breasted women very attractive! They affirmed that breast preference varies among men and to not worry. LOVE it!
Well, it has now been a month since the explant. My breasts as still swelling a tad but, slower each time. I wish they could stay this size- about an A but I know that they are really AA. Next week I go into see the doctor. I am hoping he will clear me for exercise. They look better than my last pictures as the skin is retracting. Patience!!! At least they hurt less now:-)
Have an awesome weekend ladies!
Doctor appt in 1 hr
Well, it is time to go get drained again:-/ I hope this is the last time! Here is a picture of before draining.....I am kind of embarrassed at how weird they look. But, hey I never had pretty boobs. The skin is still retracting (fingers crossed) and they just look odd. But, I am so THANKFUL they don't hurt and that those cold hard silicone lumps are out.
I am struggling with feeling good about my body- oscillate from totally happy to insecure my bf won't find me attractive. He is insulted that I would think him so shallow! I guess I have to find away to find myself attractive lol. There is *nothing* more attractive than a happy confident woman!
NO ASPIRATION! WooHoo
It was a short visit. He cleared me to do what ever I want to. He didn't seem to feel there was fluid build up and was happy with the natural outcome. I am hopping the skin will continue to retract under my breasts and the shape will improve over time. The right one is sensitive and I am going to hold off on running or heavy weight lifting/push ups for another week. Now I'm off to the gym to hit the elliptical followed by signing up for dance classes!
Thank you for all the encouragement. I like a comment I just read on this forum that went something like this " think of all the industries that would go out of business if women decided they liked their bodies"!
An honest look at my body
I decided to take a few pictures to remind myself of what I look like now. If it never gets better than this I am OK. I have on a BCG sports bralette that does't give me any shape but feels great.
When you see me out in the world give me a smile and high five! Love ya!
I am going to enjoy where I'm at because....
I don't think it will last. Here are some pictures with the Warner's Simply Perfect Lift bra. No wires, just a foam roll on the lower cup to give you more volume. I might be able to wear it soon since it doesn't cut into my incisions.
Have an awesome day ladies!
She is so inspiring! She has a trim figure with hips and embraces who she is. With class!!!
It has been 6 weeks
and my breasts are starting to feel normal. They still hurt after 4 hours in any bra. I have tried them all. I think it is the pressure points so I alternate bras during the day. Still mainly in sports bras. I think I am a 34A or 32A/B. This is likely to change when I drop 5-8 lbs. In the Zee bra I wear a 30 A/AA. I'm guessing that I will be between AA-A which is a huge change from zip volume pre-BA. I wish I could get my pre photos so you could see how board flat I was.
Over all I am very happy to get those cold hard silicone things out of my body! However I had no idea how emotional and rough this journey would be. My counselor says that breasts bring up all the children issues and body image issues. She also says I am grieving for the body I chose to give myself by getting a BA. It has been hard to feel sexy while recovering. I am hoping that when I can get back to exercise- got side tracked by the head cold from H*ll- things will be much better.
I wish there were some way to send you all flowers or sit down and share stories over a cup of tea or invite you all over to a bbq. Seriously, connection and laughter and the warmth shared here when I felt so anxious and down really lifted me up. XOXO from my heart....
CK Naked Glamour wirefree bra
I finally found a wirefree bra that works and doesn't hurt! It has boning on the sides of the band to give the bra extra support. I wasn't sure I liked it at first since it seemed to smash the girls then I adjusted it so they are scooped up into it. Voila! I love that the camera angle makes them look so big even though they are a small A in volume and a B cup width LOL.
PLS post reviews on the bras you find that work :-)
The new Barbie with REAL life proportions
Checking in 7 weeks post op
12 Mar 2014
2 months post
Things are pretty good. I went bra shopping and found out I am a 30B/C however they fit me into 32B/C depending on the bra since most stores don't carry a 30 band. Linda's bra representatives answered my bra questions ASAP and were very helpful. I ordered some bras and will up date you when they arrive.
Yesterday, I coughed so hard the other day that my right breast had a sharp pain and is now sore? Has anyone else had this happen post op? I guess I am still healing. Today I put myself back into sports bras until the pain subsides. I was wearing a really cute VS bralette someone recommended. I love it!
Into my 3rd month post op- about 9 weeks
19 Mar 2014
2 months post
I am still recovering from the cold and pulled muscle. Yesterday I went to yoga for the first time since my surgery :-) Life is good. I am still healing and the skin is still retracting. It is time to get back into life full swing. For those going into surgery remember to be patient with the healing process. Time has helped a lot. I am SO very happy to have my floppy old lady boobs instead of those cold hard silicone boobs!
I admit yesterday I met a woman who had a gorgeous augmented body and the green twinge of jealously caught me by surprise. Then I remembered that even given the choice to redo it I know I would choose NOT to. It wasn't me. I felt fake.....even if they didn't hurt or didn't have complications...it just wasn't me. LOTS OF
19 Mar 2014
2 months post
I keep getting cut off! LOL
Sending LOTS OF
22 Mar 2014
2 months post
Linda's Bra store in NY sells a bra by Duet that comes in AA-C cups.
Normal 50 plus year old breasts
26 Mar 2014
2 months post
I just view the pre- BA images on the RS webpage. I wanted to remind myself what natural 50 year old breasts look like. Wow! I am so normal! IMHO the natural breasts looked much nicer to me than the post BA ones. Hugs and happy healing vibes to all!
Ten weeks out
And my breasts are still shrinking. SOOOOOooooooo don't go buy bras until after 3 plus months! I had to return several of the bras I bought :-/ I am now a 32A. I held on to the 7 extra pounds hoping that the B cups would stay but, alas NO LUCK! So I am working on losing the weight plus toning my legs, gluts and tummy and arms.
It has been challenging to accept that I will not have boobs. Embarrassingly challenging. My emotions just won't fall in line with my thoughts.
My boyfriend is having an easier time with this than I am! Sigh.......I miss the power of a perfect figure....silly and trivial as that sounds I am sure I got perks over the past 17 years with a smile and a cute body. It gave me a false sense of confidence. A shallow sense of confidence.
going on 4 month post-op...
Finally getting back to exercise! Even push ups! :-) My breasts still ache a lot and I don't have the nipple response during certain activities. The nipples are sensitive and get erect they just don't seem to be connected to the same pleasure cycle they used to be. I hope this will change with time. Other than that I have been pretty steady since month three.
I do have to eat my negative review of Victoria's Secret bras. They do have pretty good padded bras with work well for shallow 32B cup. I have to wear the push up bra to look normal and their are pretty comfortable. I tried the 32A since my breast tissue is roughly an A-cup worth but, they are too narrowly cut. I think the stretched out tissue is still retracting and hope they will be a little less splayed over time. Over all I am happy with removing the implants! I like having natural breasts even if they are small.
Either way I highly recommend treating yourself to pretty lacy panties and colorful bras post op.
Nine month post op update
28 Oct 2014
9 months post
Hi, I am feeling much better these days as I adjust to my new body. My breasts have gone through a lot of stages and now they ache as the sensation returns to the lower pole where my incisions are. There is asymmetry. The left breast which has had two capsulectomies is smaller and higher. It is really noticeable in pictures. In person it's not so bad.
I am sending good vibes to all who are embarking or already on this journey. It is worth it! Yes, there are days I struggle with body image and miss a proportioned body. However I feel much healthier and lighter. It has challenged me to deal with the issues that I tried to avoid with surgery.
Nine months out
28 Oct 2014
9 months post
Hi all you wonderful courageous ladies! Here are my most recent pictures. My left breast is lower than the right. The right one had two capsulectomies so it has been through a lot. It is most noticeable in pictures that is real life.