I rushed out to the most expensive surgeon and did very little research (now I am obsessed with the information available) I figured I'd been through it before and could suck it up again. I could also tell my surgeon what my expectations were for my body and how I wanted them to change. I emailed him with pictures, I badgered him with how I wanted them to be smaller. The mistake I made was not to research textured anatomicals, as my problem is that now I know these things won't drop. 2 weeks post BA revision and they are in the same place as before. I can't expect them to drop or settle apparently. The 245 textured anatomicals are bigger and higher than my old implants. I weigh 52kilos and am 5'10", they start a couple of inches below my collarbone and I can barely compress or cover them enough. My already compromised sensitivity has dropped to nearly all numb breasts with only some hypersensitivity in my nipples. He went submuscular as my old implants were subglandular and rippling was palpable from early on, much worse of late. He said the shells were very thin, so it was a good job I removed them. I have no rippling now, but I would swap my big hard expensive new boulders for those rippled sad bags in a heartbeat.
My surgeon just keeps telling me I was 'textbook', these 'fit like a glove', and to wait. From what I see in the explant community, being told to wait is not so much for the implants to improve, but rather just to get used to them. I know myself, I know I won't. I just wanted two tiny mounds to get on with, and he seemed to barge ahead and give me exactly what he wanted for his 'textbook'. I am furious and in so much shock and disgust with myself. I could write it all off and head straight to an explant, but for the IVF dates, I don't think I can put my body or bank account or boyfriend through anymore trauma, although these things burning in my chest and muscle tissue are traumatising me every minute. I never thought properly about the baby and breastfeeding priority. My PS told me that as I had compromised sensation after the first BA, that it was unlikely I would be able to breastfeed. Now I know from this community that that is not strictly true, but if it wasn't impossible before, it feels like it will be now. Do I explant and risk any remaining sensation I have left?
Although these implants are 'smaller', they are textured and shaped, so appear bigger, and as under the muscle they hurt like hell. I feel very stretched out, so an explant will be harder now as he has stretched me further, despite me begging him to go smaller. I don't want him to try to fix these to smaller implants, I give up on this procedure, and this community of explants has inspired me to accept the consequences. Accepting the consequences of large cartoon breasts is much harder than your own deflated breasts I feel. But my scar is now bigger too and I am very flat. My PS actually told me that the incision would be the same, which from what I've since found out ,it is accepted that the incision needs to be bigger. These empty reassurances are borderline lies and I have no confidence left in him, and losing all self-respect for myself.
The PS has photos of me with the old implants, so I will post those when I see him for my follow-up, when I will seriously kick-off and cry for the 15 minutes. He gets to walk away and keep my money, while I stay awake at night wondering what I did wrong in choosing him, or doing this revision before intended pregnancy.