Hello new internet friends!
I remember becoming...
Hello new internet friends!
I remember becoming self conscious about my nose when I was ten years old. I'm 25 now and I think I've done a pretty good job of not letting it bog me down too much, I go through periods of coming to terms with my big honker and then hating it so much it's all I can think about. In general, when I'm meeting new people I think, they THINK, they're just talking to a giant nose. Kind of a funny visual... It makes dating more of an ordeal. I'm not going to start about candid profile pictures (the bane of my existence). Also, I'm a professional ballet dancer and I think it would REALLY improve my overall look. When I'm watching company videos and it's usually kind of difficult to tell who is who in group sections, I can always find my nose. This is a problem.
In any case, yes I hate my nose! Yes I need to change! I'm taking control of my life and am being pro active about my happiness! Wooo! I actually have my mother to thank for this. She's always mentioned that if I was interested in doing it, she'd support me (she has a cute little nose). Well, we had a Botox date in the spring (haha) and talked to the doctor about a rhinoplasty and since then I've been researching like a crazy person.
I have had one consultation and three more scheduled. I believe the following will happen: chop off my dorsal hump, narrow the bridge, refine the tip, take the right nostril in a hair, and also correcting the angle of the bottom of the nose and mouth (name for that?).
I just found out that in between my current contract and the Nutcracker contract I just got, I have a three week break (end of October/early November). PERFECT! It will give me enough time to recover and disappear off the face of the planet for everyone other than my Mommy (although, I'll be pretty legit for Halloween). I decided that I don't really care if people can tell, but I'm not going to share the information. I do want a natural look. The only other person I have told (besides my mother) is my current love interest that I have been seeing for nearly three years. But we're long distance right now so it's complicated for lack of better words. I told him because I think we'll end up together, PLUS I'm supposed to see him over that break. He's not into but whatever... he KIND of understands but is definitely judging me. He will never really get it though because his face is perfect (as in he's a musician and is ALWAYS asked to be in promo photo shoot things). I'll probably tell my roommate and perhaps a couple friends. I sort of just want to surprise them and see their reaction though. Mostly, I don't want anyone to tell me not to do it.
I wouldn't call myself a smoker but I'm totally a smoker. Like a couple to five(ish) a day with a whole lot of guilt. In any case, I finished doing that a few days ago so yeah, being pro active!
My next consultation is Monday with Dr. Kabaker in Oakland, CA. My first one was with Dr. Commons in Palo Alto.
Some pics of morphs I've done below. Btw, I'm sort of obsessed with morphing my nose. It's like, my new favorite past time. I'm also really nervous every time I'm showing someone a picture on my phone that they'll flip through and find like 500 photos of my nose morphs, or see the app... and be like... wtf is this? Life is so hard. :)
More to come!
Really intense conversation...
... with my ex boyfriend/love of my life last night. He lives in Texas and we FaceTime a couple times a week. He is less than thrilled about the idea, I haven't spoken to him about it very much (I've probably only expressed a vague interest in wanting to do this twice in the three years we've been seeing each other), so it's difficult for him on many levels to wrap his head around it. He wishes I would see a therapist about it before I commit, and to really understand the root of the problem. He thinks it will only give me temporary happiness and I'm just "kicking the can down the road" and the real problems will resurface again when other things in my appearance begin to make me unhappy, as age will inevitably do. And what do I do when I have kids? What if I have a big nosed daughter? What kind of an example would I be setting to her?
And I think he's right. I agree wholeheartedly BUT I also believe in this decision and I do believe that it will make me happier. The fact that I'm a professional performer has unfortunately given me a massive complex about my physical appearance that I'm sure I will struggle with on some level for the rest of my life. This is a fact. But if there is one thing I can do that will help this, I'm going to do it. I know it will make me more confident, and I DO think it will make me a better dancer just because I'll finally feel good about presenting myself.
And about future kids. I hope that if I have a big nosed daughter she will embrace herself and be happy with her appearance. I hope she loves her quirks and is secure. I hope she isn't phased by it and loves her big schnoz. :) I hope she can be stronger than I am in that regard. I hope she doesn't choose to be a performer. And if she asked me "Mommy why do I have a big nose and you don't?" I probably wouldn't tell her until she is quite a big older. I would want her to grow into herself before making that decision.
I showed him a picture of a morph and he said, I'm looking at one picture that looks like you, and one picture that doesn't look like you. You look younger. In the end of our two(ish) hour conversation, he said it's not the choice he would make and he would approach it differently, but he supports me in my decision and loves me in any case. Grateful.
There was a lot more in there, but that's the gist. Also, my mom is going to my next consultation with me, happy for that.
I've also been researching like the crazy obsessive person that I am, and I'm pretty confident about all the doctors I'm seeing. I booked one more consultation, so I have five total right now.
So I had my second consultation on Monday and it was okay. I thought the doctor was nice, he explained everything to me, and answered all of my questions but he didn't show me any before/after photos. I've seen the photos on his website but he didn't show me any of noses very much like mine. I guess I didn't ask because I wasn't exactly in love with the simulation he created. The profile was nice but from the front view, I think he made the bridge too narrow and it made my nostrils look super wide. The estimate was a little over $8,000. Bottom line, still looking. I'm very much looking forward to my next three consults who are all with doctors known for their nice nose work. :) Next one is Tuesday with Dr. Sam Most.
Also, I posted this photo on Real Self and asked if it was a feasible outcome and received many helpful answers from all the doctors. Luckily it sounds like a yes! I particularly like this answer (link below), I wish I could see that doctor. Unfortunately he's in Omaha. The before/after photos on his website are beautiful!
And finally, planning on telling two of my best friends this weekend. Lets hope I don't chicken out. :)
I think I found The One: Third Consult
I had my third consult with Dr. Sam Most yesterday and he has been my favorite by far. I'm 95% sure I'm going to schedule with him. He was very caring, warm, and thorough, he listened to what I wanted and at the same time told me what he thought was the best option. Basically, it shouldn't be reduced too much or the skin will not lay back down correctly. I was happy with the simulation and his before and after photos are very natural looking, but with much improvement. I also saw several noses much like mine. And he doesn't use packing after surgery which sounds great.
Right now I'm debating weather or not I should even bother going to the other two consultations (Dr. Macdonald and Dr. Mehta). I want to just go ahead and schedule with Dr. Most ($900 deposit) not only because I felt so good about him, but also because the date I want/need (October 30th) already has one patient and they said they could get me in as well. I don't want to risk losing the day, and I don't think I'll be making any compromises by doing so. I have a very specific amount of time off and I want to have the surgery done asap (my last day of work is 29th), so I have as much time as possible to recover.
And thank you everyone for the continued support. :)
Appointments Made + Told My Main Benefactor: Daddy
Yesterday was a significant day.
Dr. Most's secretary called me in the morning and I decided to go ahead and schedule. I have pre-op in three weeks on October 8th, surgery October 30th (I'm going to look SO GOOD for Halloween!), and post-op October 5th. So it's happening! For real! I've been having nose dreams all night and my teeth are falling out.
Last night, I finally told my Dad, who definitely knew something was up. He's all about it! In so many words he was like, I never wanted to say it, but your face would be perfect if it wasn't for your nose. Lol he offered to pay for the whole thing and said if it makes me feel better about myself, I should do it. More than anything else, I'm so grateful to have my family's support, I didn't have to convince them at all. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Now I just need to tackle telling my good friends...
One day at a time. :) Maybe this weekend?
I Like to Morph my Face / One Week Before Pre-Op
No real reason for this update, other than I like to morph my face. :) But really, when I had my consult with my doctor, he said he would do a slight curve. I kept asking him for more haha so I'm thinking it will be something like this. A little less drastic than one of the others.
I have my pre-op one week from today and I'm super excited that I only have to live with this nose for 4 more weeks. It's starting to feel real. It's nice seeing so many success stories here, I'm really looking forward to it. In any case, any advice for things to ask my Doctor during pre-op?
Doing more of this... basically this one is just getting rid of the bump and making it a tiny bit shorter. And even just this much is such an improvement! I keep telling myself, any little change will be better.
Not obsessed at all...
Had my pre-op today, was very straight forward. Just had a little chat with Dr. Most and he gave me the pictures of the simulation (that I think are great). Hopefully it's close! And yeah, just talked to the nurse who went through what to do pre and post op and was given my prescriptions for antibiotics and vicodin. Woo! Three weeks! I'm super excited, can't wait. :)
Let It Out
So I finally told two of my best girlfriends, which was such a big weight off my shoulders. I've known these girls since we were eleven, they mean so much to me. Not telling them felt very wrong and I don't like hiding things from those I really love. They were both surprised and understanding and told me I was beautiful the way I am, but supportive of my decision. Phew! I have one other person to tell (actually two, I haven't had a chance to tell my brother yet), and I'm hoping to do that today. I'm curious to see how my other friend will take it, I can see her not being as supportive. We shall see!
I finally told my brother, he was surprised but overall understanding. Quick, potentially mortifying story ensues...
We were in the car going to pick up a girl he's dating to go have Sunday lunch. I explained how I didn't tell him sooner because every time we've hung out he's with his friends and I'm only telling family and BEST friends since there is such a stigma about plastic surgery etc,. I told him and we were still talking about it when we got to her house. To me this meant end of conversation, to him, well... it didn't. She gets in the car and he blurts, "SO... you might not recognize my sister in a couple weeks." My jaw dropped, I wanted to kill him. I actually said wtf?! She of course wanted to know, but I refused to say anything (I've met her TWICE), and well she was nice enough to let it pass. The End.
In other news, my parents set up the guest room so I can stay with them, and the date is quickly approaching next week! I'm excited and I have a busy week so I think it will go fast. I've also been having thoughts like, this is such a silly thing to do, and I'm really kind of surprised that I'm doing this. I wonder who will notice, and what the response will be. I live in a pretty judgmental industry so I bet I'll get a lot of shit, especially since getting ahead is difficult and this almost seems like cheating. Who knows, maybe it will do nothing for me. Maybe it will simply be a vain attempt. I'm excited in any case. :)
...is the day, here I go! My appointment was pushed back a little bit so I'm checking in at noon. Not gonna lie, I'm nervous. But still excited. I'm so tired right now, it's been a crazy couple weeks, I'm looking forward to sleeping for a few days. I'll update post-op. :)
30 Oct 2013
Day of treatment
Thank you everyone for the positive energy! It went well! I'm fine but not feeling amazing, just a lot of pressure. I'll update tomorrow! Thank you again!
I guess I'll start from the beginning of the day. Well, I suddenly became extraordinarily emotional the hour before leaving. I'm not 100% sure why, I think just a combination of stress and nerves. I had such a busy week leading up to this and all of the sudden it was happening. So yeah, I had a good cry on my mom's shoulder and continued to tear up during the hour long drive there.
My check in was at noon and they were running late from the previous surgery so I didn't actually go inside until 1:30ish. If you want the play by play check out summersalts review! haha my experience was identical. :) The only difference is that I started to cry again (embarrassing, I'm usually not a delicate flower) right before going into the OR. Everyone was extremely sweet, I had fun talking to the anesthesiologist, he used to live in Austin so that was a fun coincidence. Well, I continued to cry and apologize in the OR and they did a good job of calming me down. They explained some logistics, put in the IV, I dreamt I was dancing for 15 minutes, and then I was in the recovery room. I didn't feel very well upon waking up, just a little nauseated and a lot of pressure in my head. I was probably in there for an hour and a half total before I felt okay enough to go. The nurse was so sweet, I probably hugged her three times before I left. Again... embarrassingly emotional.
I hadn't eaten in nearly 24 hours so we stopped at a Jamba Juice and my dad got my a smoothie and some breaded thing so I could take a Vicodin. Let me tell you, eating is not fun after this. I went home and sucked some soup down a straw and tried to eat some crackers. I don't mind sleeping on my back or sitting up, but I woke up every 30 min to an hour. The back of my throat has been really sore and dry so my dad went and bought a humidifier today. It's making a huge difference! I highly recommend it!
So today, not feeling great, but not feeling terrible. Mostly exhausted and a lot of pressure in my head. Icing feels amazing, I haven't left my bed except to use the restroom, clean my nose, or get food/drink. Today I've eaten some more crackers and I took a plain greek yogurt and mixed it with water so I could drink it down a straw. I kept the drip pad overnight but got rid of it this morning. I'm mostly just really congested, maybe an occasional drop of blood here and there.
The thing I'm most excited about is that so far I have very little bruising! I may be speaking too soon, but I just have a little bit in the top corner of my eyes and bellow my eyes, but it's already turning yellow below. It didn't go black, just kind of red. I'll put some pics up. AND I think the shape already looks good, bump is gone, and my bridge is thinner! Dr. Most said everything went really well, and he thinks it will look very close to the simulation. :) All of the nurses were saying that they think I will be very happy (probably because I was crying so much earlier haha). I actually had some damaged cartilage from when I hit my nose when I was ten, so he fixed that as well. They didn't need to take a graft nor did they have to use any internal splints.
Phew well I think that's all of the important stuff. :) Thank you everyone for your support! It is so nice to have people to talk to about this!
Forgot these in the last one!
So yesterday I had kind of a scary morning. I got up to use the restroom and say bye to my mom before she left for work, and after standing for maybe five minutes I started to black out. I made it to a chair but I could not come to, it just kept getting worse, like all the blood drained out of me and I was starting to get nauseous. The worst part was probably watching my parents concern. In any case, I drank some water and that helped me a little bit. I didn't actually black out, but I was fighting it for a couple minutes and came really close. Moral of the story: don't get dehydrated. It wasn't awful but not a great experience.
I thought I had been drinking enough water but apparently not, I also haven't been able to eat much so I'm sure that isn't helping. I feel a little better every day, I've been sleeping a little more through the nights. Overall I'm just exhausted, and weak, sleeping a ton, icing, and I can't do much for more than 20 minutes before I feel like I need to take a nap. I'm still taking Vicodin but toning it down a bit.
Swelling has come in a good amount, it started mostly at my eyelids and between my eyebrows and has since dropped down to below my eyes and cheeks. Most of the bruising is gone, just a little bit left under my eyes. But yeah, my face is super fat. :(
Washing my hair in the sink with my mom today (so excited!). And I am so sleepy!
Cast came off two days ago and I'm so happy! It's definitely really swollen, but even so, the shape is great. I've seen my family and two of my best friends (only people that already know), and they have all said that I still look like me, and they don't think other people will even notice. :) Happy about this! When he first took the cast off it freaked me out for a minute, it's just strange seeing a different nose on your face... also my nose has swelled up quite a bit since that first glance, but I'm still so glad. It really looks just like the simulation, I'm so impressed and pleased. I already feel better about myself!
About 7 Months Post Op
11 Jun 2014
8 months post
Hey all! Just wanted to update that I am so incredibly happy with my results. I haven't had ONE person know what I did, a couple people noticed something was different but most people didn't even look twice. I had a lot of hair compliments. :) I'm still a little nervous when I haven't seen someone for awhile, but nope, no comments nose related! Some pics to add. It's super natural, I couldn't be happier! Probably the best thing I've ever done for myself, worth every penny, and the process wasn't bad at all.