Slowly, but surely getting used to the changes.

I am 24 and recently underwent a...

I am 24 and recently underwent a septoplasty/rhinoplasty. I have been going through a whirlwind of emotions. First off I wasn't sure what to expect with my surgery, and had it not been for this website and all the thought out questions and answers (we all seem to have) on this site I would be lost, so thank you.
I had the option of having it done by a military doctor with partial cost covered or by a double board certified cosmetic surgeon... so after much deliberation I went with the cosmetic surgeon. Now let me say I did my research and went with someone I felt very comfortable with.
So I went through my surgery and after all of that swelling and constipation from the medication I am having some trouble accepting my new nose. After reading many other stories, we all have our reasons for wanting to go through this surgery... and mine were not so different. I didn't like how it looked in pictures and I was always so self conscious due to bullying growing up. I have always been outgoing and good at hiding my insecurities, but I always knew deep down that I wanted to get this procedure.
So recovery was tough and still is. Not only am I nauseous one week after my surgery I also got terrible constipation due to the medications. My body hates me. I am a relatively healthy vegan and have been for three years. I am used to an active routine with green smoothies and organic fruits and veggies. But when I got this surgery I was very unprepared. I ate what people offered... which was soups, fruit smoothies, oatmeal, gatorade, pedialyte, and lots of water. It messed me up bad. After day 2 I had a yellowish goo oozing out of my pores from everything I was ingesting and I just wanted to be back to normal.
So here I am after getting my very first ccolon cleansing not sure how to accept my new nose. I guess in a way I had built this tough skin for all the years of being made fun of that I don't know how to accept this new chapter of my life. My husband, of 5 years, is on deployment and will not be seeing my face for another 5 months. I emailed him this morning trying so hard not to show him that I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. I just kept saying that I wish he were home to tell me that everything was going to be ok. What I see when I look in the mirror is swelling, a motionless smile (because my upper lips don't move), and a slight piggyness to my nose (my worst fear), and healing scabs. I guess a large resason for this is because of people's reactions to when it was complete. My sister is a very humble and modest young lady and doesn't react to things like this. She simply told me it looked ok when I got my cast off. I guess i needed someone to just read my mind and know how insecure I was feeling. My Dad, whom I've had a falling out with didn't say anything when I say him. I began to think the worse and these thoughts followed me into the next day. I was constantly checking mirrors and feeling anxious. Sweaty palms and all. My worst fear was my husband not liking the way I look, even though he has always loved me no matter what. After I wrote him an email and closed my laptop, I jumped into my sisters bed and cried hysterically. It wasn't until I told her how I was really feeling that she reassured me that everything was going to be ok and that in fact my nose is very similar to my old nose just tweaked in places. We all that special someone to pull us through tough times and my sister was just that.
Over the course of the day, although nauseous, I felt much better. I wasn't sure what to expect and I assumed the worse. I have to accept that I am not 100% comfortable with my nose because I wasn't born with it. And like I said before, if it weren't for other people's responses and input to posts I would feel much more lost. We all have ways of coping with changes and although I am having a hard time I am grateful to be recovering and getting back to my routine. I will post pics as time unfolds to remind me of how far I've come and how much more I have to go.
I hope anyone having trouble with accepting their new look remembers to breath and step outside. Do things that make you feel better and don't get obsessed with other people's looks...
I have found some peace in writing this all out. Even if no one reads or responds, I hope I feel better from this point on.

photos

post op

up late trying to accept the new me

Trying to be comfortable with the changes is still very difficult. I stay up late attempt to sleep in and research online countless hours with regret that I could've done something differently. Sometimes I look at myself and my photos and think, "Michelle! Isn't this exactly what you wanted? You nose looks great, stop over thinking it." I then attempt to get on with my day, look into another mirror and think "oh my goodness what have you done?" My nostrils are not the same size and I feel like my nostrils show much more in the front which makes my feel piggyish. It has been exhausting and I just want to get past this and accept me for me. My upper lip not raising is really hard. I love to smile and laugh and don't know why I expected to be back to normal right away. I need to give myself time to recoup and not be so hard on myself just so I can sleep or else I'll be a wreck.

my first attempt at makeup

Trying to take all this positive energy from everyone and head out the door. First thing on my list fresh pineapple juice and organic fruits and veggies to help with a detox. Trying to avid the salty stuff cause I hear it is bad for the swelling. I am taking arnica and bromelain daily and saline for the stuffiness. Swelling has gone just a tiny bit around my eyes and bridge. I Hope I don't chicken out and actually make it into the store.

one step forward two steps back.

I went to the grocery store and stocked up on all the goodies. I'm still having my image issues. I was looking in mirror and my sister noticed. I asked her to give me her honest opinion and she was like "what do you want to say? You have alot of swelling." It crushed me. I proceeded to ask her if she liked it... she answered with a same response. I'm scared all over again. I notice scarring just inside my nose as if it is healing uneven and it is just another thing that makes me nervous. I won't be seeing my doctor until next week and I am passing up family events all weekend because I do not want to be over active. I went down to the beach today to listen to the waves. I thought I was ok. Now I'm not. These Rollercoaster of emotions isn't much fun. I need to stay positive.

Feeling much better...

The night of my last post I was so frustrated. Frustrated that I was letting my emotions get the best of me and not giving myself a break. I needed sleep and my anxiety was getting the best of me. The less I slept the greater the anxiety. I ended up falling asleep after much tossing and turning and I made sure to say my prayers and put my fears aside. I woke up in the middle of the night and the anxiety crept like never before. It immediately subsided when I felt that I could breath. The brick on my face (the swelling literally felt like a brick sitting on my face) was not as heavy. I went to feel my nose and I could actually feel my touch. I jumped up and ran into the bathroom. The swelling went down dramatically and I was so excited that I woke my sister up to tell her. Huge relief and I am able to sleep much better now. I slept for a full night last night... first time since the procedure. I am still taking it easy, but I am now on my way to a senior home to visit an old family friend and I am glad I feel well enough to do so. I cannot thank everyone who posted encouraging words enough. It made this experience much less difficult and I hope that everyone on their road to recovery finds peace and tranquility. We all react differently to things like this and I am glad that I am able to accept that just because I didn't come out of the doc office all excited about my nose doesn't mean that I cannot come to love it in time. The best things are worth waiting for so I hope anyone having trouble with their new look can see past all the temporary factors and be excited for the new changes. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason which is why it was so hard for me to deal. I wanted so bad to see past the obvious post op issues, but I was just giving into my insecurities. I really am grateful for the kindness people have shared with my through this journey. I know I have a long way to go, but this is my first steps and although I was off to a rocky start I feel much better. :)

Christmas morning blues to New Years cheers!

Wow has this experience been a full load of "uh ohs" and "oh my goodnesses." I hope anyone out there having a hard recovery just hangs in there because it does get better... much better. After my last post I was beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was able to face my fears and start showing my new nose to the world. Then Christmas morning came and I got the worst cold I have ever experienced (in a long time). Sore throat, runny nose, the works. I was glad I opted out of traveling with my family to see more family up north because I would've been even more miserable. Listen to your doc and avoid all travel just in case! I needed to get better so I could at least visit the God babies at my in-laws house. I laid on the couch the majority of the day and drank tons of lemon water, apple cider vinegar mixes, green smoothies, and tea. Thankfully I was back to my old routine of eating healthier so I did feel well enough to celebrate. I still took it easy and instead of laying on my own couch I took over the in-laws couch. There were 2 others sick with a similar cold even with being a couple weeks post op I was in better shape then they were. But the cold lasted into my first day of work and then some. I had to call out and postpone going back for another week after that just to be sure that I was strong enough to sit at a desk all day and analyze spreadsheets. I did saline rinses twice a day with the neti pot and man it is so disgusting yet gratifying to see all the gunk come out of my face. I returned to work just yesterday and getting out of bed and getting dressed up made me feel so much better. I was getting a tad bit depressed being stuck in my house and even though I went out with friends a couple of times I really enjoyed how much more confident I am now. I'm excited about all the cute things I can do with my hair and clothes. It may sound stupid, but I always limited myself before thinking I couldn't pull off certain looks. I don't remember the last time I wore a part down the middle of my head... maybe 9 years old. I always thoughtIit drew attention to my face. Anyways hereI am one month post op and I only hope it gets better from here. :) I hope everyone had a magical New Years!

Buns Buns Buns and yoga

So exciting that I feel confident to wear my hair up and out of my face. I am really wanting to go the the gym, but I am not sure if I can start working on those buns if you know what I mean :). I have been trying to avoid alot of physical activity, but it makes me restless when I go to bed. And San Diego is having a "cold" winter so I am trying to do myself a favor and remain indoors. Anyone doing yoga one month post op?
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