Overcoming Anxiety Disorder & Rhinoplasty - my Journey - Rochester, NY

22/Female

*About my nose;
I have hated it forever and worked excessively hard to compensate for it. I model as a hobby and generally think I'm an attractive girl, but there was always a catch. I despised how my nose looked in profile. It was huge, beaky, and had a bump. From the front it mostly looked alright besides being crooked.

In photos whether candid or professional, I never ever shot in profile. When I would encounter candid shots of me from the side, or even front shots where my nose looked horrible, it would reduce me to tears.

Pulling up at stop lights, I would get anxious over the thought of the person in the next car looking at me from the side. Even conversations with people next to me made me uncomfortable. I'd put hair in my face, look down, look away, or even put my arm up on my car window to block the view of my nose. The insecurity had consumed me. Finally with the support of my parents, I had my rhinoplasty May 15.

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*About my anxiety;
I have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, OCD, and ADHD. I am considered treatment-resistant because one of these things is the cause, and the others are symptoms of it. I found a treatment that works currently, but this forum isn't about that so I'll skip that long story.
Because of my anxiety, surgery itself was immensely scary. The only other time I've ever had an IV or been fully sedated was my wisdom teeth surgery, which I panicked myself half to death over. It ended up going well, but the anticipation almost killed me.

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*My experience - day of surgery 5/15/12
I was significantly less nervous the morning of my rhino than I was for my wisdom teeth. Unfortunately, that didn't last long. Out of the whole thing, the worst part for me is getting an IV put in. I can't even begin to say how much I hate it. I have a phobia of the feeling of constriction/circulation being cut off, so the tourniquet immediately puts me in panic mode. I was told it would be quick and easy, and stupid me believed them because it was easy for my wisdom teeth.
Wrong. The nurse missed TWICE. To be fair to her, I was probably dehydrated because the surgery was so late in the afternoon (1pm), but it traumatized me and by the time the second nurse came to try, I was a panicked mess. The first one had "hit a valve" the first time, and the second try I got a nice painful fluid pocket on the back of my forearm. The second nurse was nice enough to give me a local anesthetic before putting the IV in the side of my wrist. It kind of hurt I guess, but once it's over you can finally calm down.

I know a lot of you who are nervously anticipating your procedure are probably afraid of sedation, not waking up, etc. These things plagued me with nightmares prior to my wisdom teeth surgery. So let me put your thoughts at ease. Take me as an example, because trust me - my anxiety is much more rampant than an average person's and I made it through this. I have little recollection of losing consciousness. It happens smoothly, comfortably, and before you know it you're coming to and it's all over. There is no extreme rush of pain.

For me, I don't get the 'david after dentist' feel post sedation due to my high metabolism and my body's natural ability to process sedatives (thanks to my lengthy run with trials of psychiatric meds, probably). I was fully lucid by the time I got home, and walked into my house fully balanced and conscious.

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*Post surgery before cast removal
They told me to expect discomfort, crap running down my throat, a sore throat, and swelling. What they didn't tell me was what bothered me the most. My nose was so goddamn plugged I couldn't swallow without my ears plugging and popping. it was so uncomfortable I wouldn't swallow my own saliva the first day - good thing I still had IV fluids in my system.

One of the WORST parts was getting the packing pulled out the day after surgery. It was like getting tampons pulled out of my nostrils. It was the most god awful thing I've ever felt - not so much in terms of pain but just, ugh, a terrible terrible sensation and so gross! Blech.

By the 6th day, the day before cast removal, I had mostly adapted to the annoying plugged ears. I had to constantly yawn and crack my jaw after each bite of food to clear my ears to decrease pressure. More of a freakin nuisance than anything though.

About stitch removal - <<< read if you are nervous about getting stitches out >>>
I had 5 of my 8 stitches on the underside of my nose removed about 4 days after surgery. They instead put a butterfly type bandage and some stinky surgical adhesive. Getting the stitches out did not hurt whatsoever for me. The nurse was very gentle, and I felt a tug, but no pain or pinching. TIP: keep your nasal passages really, really moist with saline. This will help A LOT with stitch removal - it hurts a hell of a lot less if they aren't crusted over.
They left 3 stitches in - 2 that were on the inside holding some clear flexible splints in place, and one in the inner-middle somewhere. None were in places that would cause visible scars, so they could stay in longer harmlessly.

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*Post surgery day of cast removal 5/22/12
When I had my cast taken off, they also popped out these two little flexible plastic splits that were holding my septum up. Given I had a 75% deviation, he probably had to do some decent restructuring on my septum and not everyone will have these.
My only complaint about the cast removal is the stuff they use to remove it made me break out. It was really greasy. I never get acne, and I have a couple on my cheeks now. Not a big deal, but the skin on my nose still feels greasy. It will go away in time though I'm sure.

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*Now - 5/24/12, 9 days post op and still uncomfortable but doing well
While the cast was on, I made sure not to study myself in the mirror. Not only were the black eyes unsightly, but I have swelling in my cheeks as well. Instead of getting nervous about it, I just ignored mirrors and reminded myself how much better it would be after recovery.
With the cast off now, I am happy with the results already solely because I look the same from the front, just as I wanted. When I saw it in profile for the first time, I nearly cried. The bump is gone and it's smaller, but not too small for my face. The tip is upturned at the moment, and I've seen lots of people with issues about this, but I was prepared and I am aware it will settle. My sister's friend had the same procedure done by the same guy, and he does steroid injections to settle the tip if the body doesn't assimilate the fluid on its own and come down. So my worries about the tip are very much kept at bay by that!
I kind of look like I have jowels from the damn cheek swelling, but it's all temporary and I know it.
Overall, I just can't wait for it to settle in. I feel as though I look the same only it's straighter and much better in profile.





Quick note: I will add some post-op pictures soon, haven't had much of a chance yet. I apologize for the quality of the before images. I never intentionally take pictures of myself in profile, so finding an outtake was harder than I thought.