36, 5 Kids - TT Muscle Repair and Lipo- Raleigh, NC

I have been following this site for almost a year. The posts here and everyone sharing has helped me learn so much. I have a dr picked out that I feel great about, so I think that is one of the harder aspects. I had a consult with him in June of 2015 and felt very good about him. So now I am getting close to having the funds to do it.

I am nervous, but also very excited. I've had to live with this saggy belly for 17 years (since I had my first born at 18 years old). Now I'm almost 36 and having nursed each of my children my boobs have also seen better days. So I want to fix them and also fix my belly.

It was so long ago when my tummy was "normal" that I don't even remember what it looked like or what it feels to wear clothes comfortably. I've not worn a bikini my entire adult life. And it would be awesome to wear lingerie for my special person and actually FEEL sexy in it and not want to hide under the sheets or have the lights off.

So the next few months I will prepare to do this. I've wanted this for years. I needed to wait until I was done having children and my youngest is now 4 so it's time.

Well. Looks like I will have the funds to pay the procedure in full at our second consult. I am freaking out a little. I've wanted this for years and I honestly never thought it would happen for me. I was always pregnant and then nursing for a year and then BAM! Pregnant again...so my body was just always so busy doing that. But kids grow and time passes and now it's finally MY turn and I am trying to process it all.

I took some more before pics today to add. I gotta say, I've known this body since I was 18...I can't even remember what my body looked like before babies. I have no photos either. So this body right now is all I can really remember...and is it weird I am wondering if I should just keep it and carry on with it?? And just be grateful for what it's done thus far?

I think these emotions are normal from what I've read on other updates. So for now I am going to go with all this and see how I feel as the time draws more near.

I go on Monday to see my cardiologist. I have heart palpitations sometimes and I just want to get that checked out before I consider major surgey like this.

Anyway, so here are some more Before Photos...

April 22nd I go for my second consult. This is a big deal because I will be putting my money down. I am nervous. Everyone I've talked to so far has been so supportive. The guilt over using this much money just on ME is definitely weighing heavily on my conscience. Being a mom makes it hard to do things for ourselves sometimes I think.

I took some pics after my workout the other day to remind myself why I want to do this. It is kind of shocking to see myself from this angle and actually look at it. Before and after my showers I used to just avoid the mirrors and I usually wear layers (spaghetti strap under-cami to cover my belly if my top shirt rides up) - those habits became so automatic over the years. The past several months I've been taking photos and looking at them with a kinder eye. And looking at myself in the mirror. Facing it and accepting it. I want to do surgery and be mentally prepared for the afterwards. I have a LOT of stretch marks and I know a tummy tuck won't get rid of them. I will shed the extra skin, but the marks are there to stay and I am okay with that. So this is sorta just my prep-therapy. Sharing pics I would never have shared before or even taken and looked at....