So I had my first appointment with my regular doctor today, she gave me a referral and long story short I have an appointment with my surgeon on Wednesday (was a little shocked by the fact Australia only covers this procedure on private insurance, Heart really goes out to all those woman suffering without it)
So I have incredibly mixed emotions, I am very very excited, excited about the fact I won't have to live with this pain any more and that I can start living my life.
But on the other hand I'm incredibly nervous and quite scared. I have been reading the reviews and such from this site for a few weeks now and they have been incredibly helpful and made me feel so much more confident about going out and doing something about this, and the ladies on here seemed so helpful and full of advice and support that I thought I would join and share my story.
I also found from my research that there seems to be three main concerns:
1: The possibility of not being able to breast feed. I can understand how this could be a potential issue for some women but considering I am only 21 and have no immediate plans to have children, this isn't a huge concern of mine
2: Loss of feeling in nipples; how many of you ladies actually encountered this problem? It is a little bit worrying but again I feel it's a very small price to pay.
3: Scars, I won't lie this is concerning for me, I have seen before and after photographs and noticed they do fade a substantial amount but is there any creams that anybody would recommend with helpin with this? Also I know this is a ridiculous reason but I have never been in a long term relationship (probably due to the fact that I have such a hang up about my FF's that I almost have a heart attack just thinking about taking my bra off INFRONT of somebody) and now it feels as though I'm swapping one insecurity with another if that makes sense? But at the same time I'm quite like 'stuff it' its my body and its my health it's affecting and after all this is being done for ME not for a man I haven't even met yet.
I guess I will know more about this after Wednwsday and hopefully have a date for my op. (also how long would you say it was before you were feeling up to scratch? I am studying and am a little worried about falling behind in my work)
Hey ladies So I had my first appointment with...
So today I went and had my appointment with my PS....
He explained that I would need a week of complete rest, that in two weeks I would be able to do small exercises such as walking on a treadmill and that by 6 weeks I would be able to do whatever I wanted. I was actually surprised by this, six weeks is nothing, that will be over so quickly.
Shortly afterwards I was asked about dates and was offered the 27th. I actually think this took me a while to process that this was only next week. I'm incredibly overwhelmed at the minute, things have happened incredibly fast. But I'm also very excited. I know that ill be awake one minute, asleep the next and when I come too it will have been done. How has every bodies experience been with their drains? Did you find their removal painful? It bearable? I think this is the part that is worrying me slightly.
I also spoke to my teachers today and my due dates won't be an issue they are happy to push them for me so that's a huge relief. I now just have to talk to my work and hopefully sort some time off.
Since speaking to my PS yesterday I'm almost 99.9%...
But I made the terrible mistake of discussing this with my grandma, who immediately replied with 'aren't you worried you will look out of proportion' cue my over thinking and I've barely slept because I've been looking up photos and panicking that I'll end up out of proportion AGAIN.
I never had this fear before and I told my ps I wanted to be 'as small as possible' and his reply was 'as small as possible or in proportion?' And my reply was of course 'in proportion' and he then told me c-d. So I know I'm panicking over nothing. Guess its just my nerves kicking in :/
So I'm a little bit embarrassed about posting some...
I know I could do with dropping a couple of KG but that's going to be more than easy to do once I have my new smaller boobies. Wearing two sports bras (and still feeling as uncomfortable as all hell) is gonna be a thing of the past WOOO!
Please be kind to me haha!
I spoke to my work today, and they were incredibly...
I've also decided to make (and share) a list of pros about having this surgery (was panicking myself because I'm far too focused on the (very unlikely to happen) bad and one of the wonderful ladies on here called Natalie also suggested I try it, so here's what I came up with:
1: Smaller boobs (obviously)
2: No more pain in my back, shoulders and neck and hopefully no more headaches
3: An improved life (not dealing with that pain day in day out is going to be amazing)
4: Actually being able to walk into a shop and buy a bra as opposed to ordering them online (and costing me a limb for one bra)
5: All of the beautiful bras I can buy, none of this beige, black or white, unflattering 'tents' anymore. (Seriously considering having a celebratory bra burning bonfire after my surgery)
6: Clothes, being able to buy clothes my ACTUAL size as opposed to shopping for things to fit my boobs. Being able to wear those tops with the cut outs an my boobs ACTUALLY fitting in there!!
7: ACTUALLY looking my proper weight, not going to miss my clothes hanging from my boobs and making me look so much bigger than what I actually am.
8: Being able to go out and not constantly be harassed my males oogling my goodies
9: Having confidence again, will not miss being too afraid to get up infront of a crowd or be constantly paranoid others are staring at my boobs.
10: lying down and not being suffocated by my own chest
11: Watching the telly while lying down and not battling with my boobs for a good view
12: For once in my life actually being happy and content in my own skin.
I remember when I was little (oh the irony) sitting in the bath and PUSHING my arms together and saying 'I want boobies!' God what the actual hell was I thinking haha!
I have ALWAYS had a hang up about my chest, and it has always played on my mind and stopped me from doing things because I've always been so paranoid and self conscious because of it. Went from being teased by boys to only getting attention because of them. Really frustrating and disheartening. I also remember discussing the possibility of a breast reduction with my mum when I was 18 and she said to me 'wait until you are older, you might feel differently about them' and for a while I thought 'this is me, I need to get used to this and love me for me' but when this pain started I just couldn't, I ignored it and put it off for too long and it's reached a point where I just can't do it anymore.
I know that this is going to be THE best thing I have done and I KNOW I won't regret this, but I won't lie I am
Nervous, I'm so excited but I'm so ridiculously anxious, this last week has been such an emotional roller coaster for me.
Also just like to say a humongous thanks to all those who have commented and have answered my questions and who are giving me a ridiculous amount of support through this, I really would be in such a state without you.
The big day is tomorrow! AHHHH!!! I'm just sort of...
My aim is to keep myself busy today, have cleaned everything so that's not an issue, now just to organise a bag for tomorrow and just do whatever I can to stop myself from over thinking. My best friend is taking me out for breakfast, bless her, bit of a cutie.
Also my hospital leaflet said to bring loose clothing because the nurses will be dressing me (I'm not staying overnight I am in then out again) and I wondered if its better for me to take a loose dress or a button up shirt and some shorts, I'm leaning more towards shirt since its less arm movement for me etc. what did you ladies wear?
I'll write again tonight and probably be a ball of emotions haha! Or I might surprise myself and be calm, I just hope that if I am calm that I can stay this calm until surgery and I don't suddenly get a wave of panic and end up having a panic attack or something right before surgery! Ahh! The over thinking has started again!
Well I'm off to have my breakfast :D
Well I woke up this morning, saw my mum and she...
Also bent down to speak to my puppy with my coffee in hand and my pigtail dipped itself right in the coffee...excellent coffee hair.
Feeling a lot calmer now, going to be a very long day and I'm once again finding myself soly focused on the possible, highly highly unlikely negative outcomes. Is this normal? Or am l being one of those horrendous worry monsters?
Well I'm off to get dressed and organise myself. See you all on the 'smaller' other side :D keep your fingers and your toes crossed!!! :D
Can't really see to much. Can feel a slight...
Got some strong drugs and not even sure if what I'm writing is making sense!
WOOO I did it!! :D
Well if sleeping on your back isn't just about the...
I'm being made to wear those surgical stockings for 3 days which means I can't cross my legs and OF COURSE that's what I keep catching myself doing to get comfortable. .
Keep drifting in and out and woke up in an absolute sweating mess...don't even feel hot though. Crazy, hair was so damp it was disgusting and these damn socks make my feet like little tiny ovens. Going to be a very very long night
I will aim to write about my whole day tomorrow. Now I'm gonna go and TRY get some more micro naps
Oh also noticed my draining 'pipes' are clear now, so hopefully they should be good to come off tomorrow, god these things freak me out a bit I won't lie.
I arrived at the hospital at 1.30 like I was told...
I was first seen by a nurse around half two who very briefly went over some questions with me and of course I burst into tears, she was incredible and sat and spoke to me telling me I was doing the best thing possible and re assured me my ps was incredible at what he does and that I was on extremely capable hands. She also told me they don't generally allow others in the room but that she would let my mum come through with me since I was still very young and clearly a bit distraught
At around 3.30 I got taken in, was asked to change into my gown and fetching cap and shoes :P and again I found myself being surprisingly calm.
I then saw my PS we discussed sizes and he drew a whole bunch of lines (not even gonna lie when he lifted my boob to draw underneath I started giggling because it was super tickly) but he seemed pretty amused haha.
I then saw my anethisist and he was hilarious, he joked around and made me feel completely at ease, he explained what he would be doing and what medication would be required and side affects etc.
THEN they asked my mum to leave and made me lye down, as soon as my mum said goodbye and all I could see was the ceiling, I broke down, I felt so damn stupid but my anethisist was so lovely and could see I was upset and told me that it was perfectly alright for me to be worried and upset and that he would be more concerned if I wasn't.
So I had a good cry and he handed me some tissues, I wiped my face, he put a needle in my arm and the next thing I remember is waking up...still clutching my tissue HAHAHAH!
The nurse told me my surgery had taken an hour an twenty minutes and that she was very happy with my progress and really quite impressed with the way I was handling things.
Nurse was laughing at me too because I woke up and went 'BUT I don't remember anything!' And then I asked for a drink and as she was giving it to me I said 'where's my mum' and she said 'out to get food' and I started sobbing and she was like 'its alright sweetie she'll be here soon' and I said 'No I'm starving!' And then she made me a chicken sandwich haha glad to see I have my priorities straight
So far my pain has been very very manageable, few sharp pains but I'm more than convinced that's from
The drains entrance points. I barely got any sleep, think it was a combination of panic I would roll over and hurt myself and the fact I cannot sleep on my back
THE ONLY ISSUE I have had was this morning, I got up to go to the bathroom and on my way back just instantaneously I got a wave of nausea and just felt extremely dizzy, my mum sat me down and I felt absolutely freezing like a chill running through my whole body but my mother said I felt like an oven and the sweat was dripping off of me.
I spoke to the nurse about it and she said its very common and just a case of me probably gettin up too quickly. So ill be spending the rest of the day in bed.
I do have to go back to the hospital at 4 to have my drains removed and the nurse suggested I take my pain relief JUST before I leave so I'm assuming this isn't going to be very pleasant. Fingers crossed its over before I know it!
Just saw my new little boobies for the first time!...
I didn't even feel those drains, and they have given me a bra to live in for the next week.
BUT AHH I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW! I just want to stand and stare at them :D
I feel so ridiculously lucky because I have had no...
The worst thing I've experienced were two little dizzy spells which felt as though I was being thrown into an ice bath but my mum told me I felt like an oven and the sweat was absolutely pouring off of me. It happened the morning after my op and it happened in the nurses area after she took my drains out. But apart from that I have had no dramas.
I have noticed two tiny blood patches on my bra, I'm talking tiny like the tip of a ballpoint pen tiny, I'm not worried too much as I assume I've just moved in my sleep and torn the stitches a little and that's to be expected right?
This bra is slightly uncomfortable it just seems to love sitting on the stitches, it's not painful just ridiculously tender.
I had an emotional moment today, I bought a summer dress five years ago and it just refused to zip up, and I couldn't tell you why I've held into it all this time but I decided to try it on today. And it zip and it fit like a glove, I took one look in the mirror and burst out crying, it was just like an overwhelming sense of relief and happiness. Seeing myself in that dress, no spilling over the top or the sides, no cleavage up to my neck just a lovely flat smooth area and my bust just fit perfectly in there (there was a slight gape but nothing too intense) and It just made me feel incredible, it's still so hard to wrap my head around the fact that these are my boobs now and that I can wear things I couldn't before, I've spent the last 9 years of my life shopping for my boobs that its going to be insane when I actually go shopping and realise I can buy things I wouldn't have even considered before.
Three days post op and I have no regrets, this is the best thing I have ever done for myself, and if I had known this is how it would all be I would have done this much sooner.
So I had a really shitty night last night. Not...
I was on such a high the last three days and so over the moon about fitting into that dress and she came around and told me that 'there is barely a difference, we can't see any difference with you in your clothes, I'm sure you feel it's changed but its not a huge noticeable difference'
I'm really beginning to wonder why I'm friends with her? It's amazing how one bad comment can just cancel out all the good you have been feeling. My other friends fell out with her and told me not to listen and I'm trying my best to put it aside and forget it but its difficult.
I was so happy before she came to visit, I had gone for a quick round of shopping, bought some lovely new tops, some singlets which I've never been able to wear from side of mammoth side boob, but I was out for about an hour before I started to panic, all these people walking around and children running around I could just see one of them running straight into my chest, I've never felt claustrophobic but I felt really panicy And it was really difficult to breathe for a while, just got myself into such a panic, so I think it's safe to say I won't be leaving the house for a few more days.
I'm going to go take my pills and try and get some sleep and hopefully forget about what my 'friend' said. I made this life changing decision to better my life and the way I look at it, this is a whole new me, a whole new better path of life for me and unsupportive nasty people like that don't deserve a place in here with me, so I'm leaving her behind with all the other bad things.
I guess in times of need you truly do find out who your true friends are.
Yesterday was a pretty painful day for me, just...
Still really surprised at the lack of bruising, there is some yellow bruising around the nipple, and I keep getting slight tingles around my nipple, I have feeling on the area around my nipple but I can't really tell if I have feeling In my nipple yet :( could you girls feel it straight away? Or did it take a little time to be able to tell and for things to be back to normal? It's a little worrying but again I'm still sticking to my original view that its a small price to pay for how happy I have been the last few days.
I won't lie it would be amazing to still have feeling but again not a humungous deal.
My mum was also present for the taking off of the bra and she cannot handle things like that very well at all, and she was handling it like a pro until she saw all the stitches under my boob, haha needless to say the bra got done up pretty quickly and she hauled ass outside.
Got my second appointment with the nurse tomorrow to get my tape off and start on the paper tape so hopefully I can come home and take some pictures of the new boobies :)
Just got home from my 'post week check up' got the...
One thing though...my nipples are well inverted. She told me its happens quite a lot and that they do usually pop out themselves but if not they give me general anaesthetic and will pop them out for me using a little needle.
I won't lie, I felt really sick when she told me, so far I've had really smooth sailing so its about time something went wrong, did any of you have this problem? If so did they pop out themselves?
This might explain why I haven't had a whooooole lotta feeling? Although I was in the shops and in the freezer sections and everything seemed to be working overtime (no hard nipples for obvious reasons) but I swear I felt the tingling but it seemed to be on overdrive and felt a little unbearable.
I'm a little scared now, I don't deal well with these things, I was so concerned about lack of feeling and it seems that's happening to me now, I know they can fix the inverted thing I know that it's just a tad scary having to lye there and watch it happen haha I'll probably vomit or something watching them stick a needle in my nipple, and ill be even more upset if I CAN'T feel it, I know that makes very little sense.
I made this choice before my operation, that I was willing to make that tiny sacrifice for a pain free life, but I won't lie it is a little upsetting/disappointing. Guess I just need to let it sink in and just move on. It's really not the end of the world. Just having a down day I guess.
So yesterday was most definitely a bad day,...
I managed to shower for the first time in a week yesterday, it felt incredible! Felt so much better and just overall cleaner and fresher, did not realise how much I would miss showering.
It's getting easier and easier to move and become less stiff which is incredible and I decided to stop taking my medication, I have about 3 days worth left but I didn't take any yesterday and was very surprised at how little pain I was in, I barely felt a thing all day.
Was also amazing the difference from just having the white tape replaced with the paper skin coloured tape, just felt less constricting if that makes any sense.
I'm also feeling a hell of a lot better about the nipple situation, guess I did just need to sleep on it.
1: the inverted thing, although its a speed bump its minor, and I'm a week post op, the nurse told me yesterday that its very simply fixed, general anesthetiser, needle in the boob, all done in a very tiny check up room, so that immediately makes me feel that it's a very simple/easily done procedure. I also asked the nurse if it had to be done a lot and she said no so that made me feel better no. Also no additional charges or anything all included so there's another weight off my shoulders
2: I still have six weeks until said check up, so that's more than enough time for this to fix itself. And again if it doesn't its so easily fixed
3: As for the lack of feeling, yes in an ideal world I would love to have feeling in my nipple, but when I embarked on this journey I knew this was a possibility and I accepted it right then and there that I was willing to give that up for all the positive and all the other things I would gain by having this procedure done. And already the positives are piling up and outweighing that one negative here's just a small list:
1: I am fitting into clothes 3 times smaller than what I originally was wearing
2: the pain is gone, I felt it as soon as I sat up in the hospital, my shoulders feel free and my neck too
3: things like necklaces sit flat now as opposed to riding up with my boobs
4: my boobs are perky for the first time in my life
5: I have the cutest little cleavage it's fantastic
6: I actually look in proportion, as anal as it sounds I honestly cannot stop looking at myself in the mirror, I cannot get over how neat and straight my top is, I really can't.
7: lying down and being able to see who I'm talking to is amazing haha! I used to have to either shimmy to the side or try and push down my boobs haha! Or settle with just looking at the top of their heads
8: NO MORE MONSTER BRA's, I jokingly placed my old bra over my shirt and the amount of space left was unbelievable, although I've only had these new boobs for a week it's hard to believe I used to wear those bras and STILL not be fitted into them, spewing over the top and the amount of side boob was unbelievable.
9: trying on dresses that my boobs used to spill out of and seeing the amount of room that is left now is just the best feeling in the world it's really indescribable, I never ever thought I would be able to wear pretty things and keep up with the fashion, as a photography student I follow fashion religiously and I've always hated the fact I could never wear said things because of my boobs and now really nothing is stopping me from wearing what I want now.
All these things that you never thought you could do are suddenly a reality now and I know some of the things are really small and ridiculously trivial compared to a life without pain but its all added extra little bonuses like being able to wear those choker necklaces that seem to be in fashion, couldn't do it before, they are designed to sit flat and with my mammoth Grand Canyon cleavage before they never did they always rode up with my boobs and just looked absolutely ridiculous, never stopped me from buying them and wishing, and I look around my room at all the jewellery and clothes I bought knowing at the time I couldn't wear them but always hoping and now I can wear them!! It's so exciting!!
I'm also super excited to go out and buy some new bras, although I can't buy wires at the moment it's still exciting as, never been able to wear a wireless bra before, ever! So that's another huge exciting step.
Still feeling ridiculously bloated because I'm still having a really hard time going to the toilet :( so that sucks, I feel like I'm pregnant, it's so uncomfortable :P
I don't ever want to feel like I did yesterday, that was the old me and I hated it, I left all that behind, I'm going to try my absolute best to hold onto that excitement and positivity I had those first few days and not let trivial things get me down.
So today I changed my tape. I was supposed to wait...
Not gonna lie it was a bit gut wrenching, just pulling the tape off slowly and seeing all the 'scabbie' bits coming off and pulling it off my nipple freaked me out heaps it made me feel like I was ripping it clean out, obviously I wasn't, thats just the joys of an over active imagination.
Safe to say my nipples are looking a lot better, they seem to have come
out quite a bit more, and I'm only 9 days post op so, so far everything is good.
I have a little bit of a 'lumpy' scar just under my nipple on the left side but again 9 days post op I have a very long time for that to flatten and smooth itself out.
Again no feeling in nipples (might be because they are hiding? Who knows) I seem to have feeling everywhere else, including the areas around my nipples, I'm just really hoping that in. Few weeks/months time I can look back on this and see I was worried about nothing.
Today is my official 2 weeks post op date. This is...
I want to do everything in my power to prevent my boobs from ever becoming overly large again and since I love my food a little too much I was a little concerned I could eat my way back to that again so as of today my laziness with exercising and food stops now.
I have been suffering from a little back pain but it is NOT in the same place it was and I'm almost a hundred per cent convinced it is from the way I have been sleeping. I just really want to sleep on my damn side. My neck is slightly too elevated I think so its beginning to hurt but I can't sleep fully flat it's just...weird for me.
Another note I was SUPER EXCITED today, my friend has her very first gallery exhibition on Friday , so I'm going to go show my support for her amazing photography work, and I realised I needed a dress...low and behold thought I would be brave and try this strapless dress on and it fit amazingly. I was so damn happy and excited and my boobs just sat in there perfectly.(although I'm not entirely happy with my belly that's something I can work on and change and my happiness with my boobs and fitting made that one of the last things I was thinking of) I did take a photograph, just ignore my dreadful hair and my no make-up'd face. I will take a proper photograph on Friday to show you all but was an amazing moment for me :D
So I attended the opening last night and it was...
I'm still quite bruised but its to be expected so again not bothered about that. I wore my sports bra under my dress but just tucked the straps in and had no problems, I was probably out for 4 hours max. But felt like a million dollars in that dress haha!
I am SOOOOOO itchy today but I guess that's a good thing it means I'm healing so I have no complaints bar the fact I want to scratch so badly and I just can't haha.
Also I know in my photograph my boobs seem a little disproportioned and my nipples look different heights but they really aren't I think it's the angle I took the photograph but I'm so happy with them :D
Via my GP