I’m still in disbelief that I got a boob job

I was going to wait to start my review/blog whatnot but I'm having a bad boob day so here goes. This is going to be about a 2 year process for me as I am waiting until I'm done having kids before getting implants. I've always been small 32A-B and it didn't bother me until I had boobs when I was breast feeding my daughter. They. Were. Amazing. They were the perfect size and perky and I loved showing them off. Here's the thing... when you've never had cleavage and the only reason to wear a bra is to make it look like you have boobs and then you get some and have cleavage and popcorn falls between your boobs and they actually move when you go for a run its an amazing feeling. Anyways after I stopped breast feeding they went from glorious 32Ds to wimpy 32As. Granted they aren't saggy or pancakey or anything but there's so little tissue there that even push up bras only give me a little lift. My husband is in shape and his (small) pecs are the same size as my boobs. I've started mentally referring to my bras as my boobs because if I don't wear a bra I look like a boy. It's also mentally challenging when the majority of your bra size is located in the mother effing KIDS department! Seriously, I'm a grown woman who's had a baby and 12 year olds have bigger boobs than me. It's just tough waiting right now. I've always liked my body. Of course I'd change this or that but I've never hated anything until now. I hate my boobs. I really do. It's such a strange feeling and I feel for those who hate more than 1 body part. I have a countdown in my phone until I can hopefully get pregnant with #2 and then another for when I can hopefully get forever boobs. My plan is to get the consult when I'm close to being done breast feeding so I can show the dr exactly what I want then go back when I'm done so he/she knows what size to give me. If all goes according to plan I can have my dream boobs in 1000 days. Worth the wait!

Went to Target today to try on some of their new bra sized bikinis. Unfortunately the smallest they have in stores is a 34B so I had to order online. Hopefully they fit and look good. I saw another bikini in XS that was a bandeau push up and decided to try it on. Yeah... it was still big. I use to love bikini shopping (and still do) but it's a huge hit to my self esteem that I can't even find a bikini top anymore. I don't think it would have bothered me as much if I hadn't had a baby and had some awesome boobs while breastfeeding. I've always been small and was ok with that but they're even smaller now. Now to convince my hubby to have another baby and get boobs again and forever.

I went to a meet and greet and got to hold a silicone implant and meet my hopeful future dr. The implant felt awesome but I got thinking about the mental aspect of getting implants. Does anyone have a hard time wrapping their head around the fact that that is now inside of them? I'm probably over thinking it but seeing it made it seem like it might be weird mentally. Hope this makes sense. I have titanium rods in my spine but I forget about them and I never saw them but with implants if you actually get to see it and touch it then you know exactly what's inside you and they're not too far under the skin.