39 Yrs Old, 3 Kids, Tt ,MR, Hernia and BA. - Ottawa, ON

I'm 39 and my TT is booked for sept.7 hoping I can be feeling and looking good for my 40th birthday which is Oct15.
I can't stop thinking about it, I'm scared but also excited to finally repair my tummy ...my oldest boy is 12 years old and I had a hernia and diastasis ever since. With the 2 other boys, my tummy just got worse. My baby is only 11 months old. Sometimes I feel so vain for doing this...but I really want to repair damages and have more core support, my lower back is killing me.

Trying to convince myself that this surgery is necessary and will make me happier with my body. I feel hesitant today reading review saying the pain is out of this world. Makes me terrified. But what my option? Live with this belly for ever?

After breastfeeding 3 kids my boobs are deflated and I'm now have very saggy and empty 34A. I never had big boobs but they were perky at least...after my third baby one nipple kind of turned inwards because it lost so much volume.

I tried on some 195cc anatomical and it looked good. I wouldn't want to go too big, that would just be too different from what I've always been (flat).

I need to decide by tomorrow so I can finally book it but I'm so stressed out about adding another procedure to an already very intense one (tt). But at the same time my surgeon is really good and I trust him. I know it would really be a nice complement to my flat stomach. And I could finally wear normal bra and not worry about push up bra and being naked in front of my husband.

Let me know what you think...

I decided to add the BA to my TT ...It took me some time to decide because I was so worried about what people would think. But in the end I decided to keep it to myself so I don't get influenced...I told some people about my upcoming TT and it was a mistake, I got judged so badly. People just see cosmetic surgery as superficial... It's hard to explain when you haven't been there. So for my BA I keep it a secret.We'll see if people notice.

Now I decided that I'm staying positive and force myself to think it will all be ok (even if i've read here how it is really crazy painful and difficult).

I'm excited about my end results!!! This is my gift for my 40th birthday so I hope my lucky star will stay with me and it will all turn out great:))

Having no belly is that even possible?! It's been bulging with a hernia since my oldest boy, 12 years ago. So I haven't seen my bb in a looooong time!!!

And boobs? Well, I never had boobs!!! Always was a small 34B. At least before they were perky but with breastfeeding my third baby, they never came back, I look so deflated, my left even curves kind of inwards. And when I raise my arms, they're gone! So I'm getting small implants, 195 cc anatomical, below the muscles. The way I see it, it's really to repair what bf took away. And it's modest, hoping no one will be able to tell.

I guess I'm most worried about weird complications that would degenerate into disaster ... Wait no more negative thoughts...wow that's hard!!

I'm really happy about finally making it happen, I'm proud that I was bold enough to do something like that, just for me, at almost 40. I've given everything to my boys and now I'll have a new body for my birthday!!!

I feel more and more prepared as my date approaches ... I have my lift chair and a walker!! I've Ben preparing food like crazy for the family and some soup for me.

I'm trying to think of things I'll need around me so I don't have to get up or call for help. I'm thinking to put a case of water bottles and other drinks under my bed.

I also need to find a good book if I'll be stuck in that chair for days. I have some Netflix to catch up...

This week I had really bad back pain and couldn't lift my baby or anything heavy. I was also walking hunched over... So it made me think of 3 things: (1) it was practice for whats coming, (2) i hope this surgery helps my lower back (3) wtf was i thinking? Please let me come out of this in one piece!!!
Im freaking out a bit tonight thinking this is major surgery, I'm not 20 anymore (I'll be 40 in some weeks) and my back is a mess. My boys need me. Is it normal to think about all sorts of bad outcome? Today I looked up risk of dying from anasthesia and it's like 1 in 250 000, same as having a flight accident. So it's very low risk... Why do I worry so much?

Anyway I need to stop thinking that way and it's so great to have this site so Im able to follow great women like you who are going through this, you're all so courageous!

At least I'm healthy and my kids are too. School is starting and I'm so busy al day preparing stuff. But This upcoming surgery has made me more appreciative of small moments that I can enjoy now but won't be able when I'm healing (picking up my baby, going in the pool, going for long walks or bike rides). I call them my moments of grace.
Good night, happy healing and serenity for those of us who are still waiting ...

My youngest caught a weird bug at daycare and it seems I may have caught it as well. I have been having a very light rash on my skin and pain and tenderness on the right side of my tummy. I'm super worried because my surgery is next Wednesday and I can't be sick!!! I'm waiting at my gp office right now to get an opinion. I hope it's nothing...

I'm healthy!! I didn't catch a bug, I guess i just have an unrelated digestion thing going on . Anyway my gp said to wait it out it should go away. No need to take any antibiotics, yeah! I'm just really stressed out and is affecting my digestion. I have a really hard time not always thinking about my surgery and of the worst Taft could happen. I have to calm my nerves!! I am getting cold feet especially when I wake up in the middle of the night ...
Here are the last pictures of me before...hope I'm doing the right thing.

So I'm scheduled for tomorrow morning at 8:00am. I Need to be at the hospital at 6:45. I'm going to bed, it's going to be a long day tomorrow!!!! I'm nervous but at the same time there's not much I can do at this time...the only thing bothering me is a sore throat, I think I'm having a cold. That will be anothe challenge ....
My parents are here and they'll take care of my kids for 10 days. So i hope That I will feel better by then.
I took more pictures today. Especially if my left breast which I was almost exclusively breastfeeding from my last baby.
Wish me LUCK!!
I'll see you tomorrow on the flat side!!

I'm home . Thank god. Waking up was really rough. I felt the pain. Ouch! And dry heaved but the pain med are working and I'm feeling better. Coming home wasn't as bad as I thought. It's an hour drive.
I was able to climb upstairs to my room , with help, so it's much better than with my c-section for moving at least.

I feel the muscle repair all along my belly. And my boobs, it feels a bit like the tightness when your milk comes in. It's also kind of heavy but definitely not bad. It will probably get more swollen and worse pain. I also have a bad sore throat either from the breathing tube or my cold?! Oh god. What a challenge.
But I survived !!!! Yeah!!! Now it's time to heal:)
What can I eat the first day? I'm sipping a smoothie my mom made with spinach and pineapple.
I'm planning on taking all my med, the dilodid and advil.

I feel really good. I'm surprised. I was able to sleep last night pretty well in my recliner.
The meds are definitely helping. I go to the bathroom on my own, no problem.
I had a nap this morning and plan on taking another one this afternoon.

Here is a picture of my boobs!! They're small but at least they're filled, exactly as I wanted.

I haven't seen my tummy yet. Tomorrow I see my ps and hopefully I'll get to see and take some pics. It's definitely not as bad as I had imagined. I think my ps is so talented.

I went to see my ps today and he took all my bandages out. So i got to see my new flat tummy and my bb!! I'm still really swollen so I'll have to wait but so far it is a huge transformation from before....

I'm feeling good today. I slept well and I'm only taking Advil. I'll take a narc at night to sleep, but I plan on slowly getting off narcs. The pain is ok.

My boobs are still super small but I'm ok with that. I think it will look better once my tummy is not so swollen.

Slept well. Still in my recliner ... Im amazed that I'm able to sleep in a recliner the whole night...And it's not that uncomfortable... I tried my bed last night but I couldn't lie down it was too tight in my tummy.
I took only 1 advil before going to bed but around 4am i took a dilaudid because i could feel everything: my tummy, my boobs, Ouch! I was able to sleep well after that..
The concerns that I have now is my throat is irritated and I can't cough. I tried this morning and it really was hurting to cough so i tried rattling my Throat but its not the same. ...
The other thing concerning me is no bm :( I am taking colace, and senna tea but nothing...should i try milk of magnesia?

I décider to wash my binder. It's not a binder, it's more of a body garment (Marlena full torso bikini length). It had dried blood on it because my incision bled the first day and I had my period. So I decided it was time to be clean! I washed it in the machine while I went for the shower. Dreadful at first to get my incision wet but it didn't hurt, and I even wash my hair. Yes! All of that I did alone :) so happy!! It's the little things ...

I'm trying to sleep but I can't because I'm not comfortable, my left breast is hurting, i can really feel the implant and it's scaring me right now that something is wrong... My mind is racing and i cant seem to relax in my recliner. It the first Time since the operation that i feel like im starting to regret or wondering why did I do to myself? I feel like like it's going to be such a looooong recovery and I don't know if I'll have the strength mentally ....

My mind is playing tricks on me....
I don't know why I'm so fearful tonight and I can't relax. I feel so tired .... I'm worried about my breast , how will I know if something is wrong? Is it normal
To feel the implant? I wasn't even feeling my breast the past few
Days....
If if could just sleep!!! I took a dilaudid hoping it would help...
Writing on here helps me calm my nerves .
Good night rs ladies xx

I'm feeling ok today and I'm really taking it easy. I didn't attempt another shower. Maybe tomorrow. I really want to stay relaxed today and do as little as possible.
I finally had 2 bm, one last night and one this morning (sorry tmi!!) so this really helps to feel better too! It didn't hurt at all and I think what helped was milk of magnesia, colace and my "get regular" tea.
I'm eating well, normal meal, and I'll try to sleep a little this afternoon.
Happy healing lovely ladies :)

I feel ok today not much difference from yesterday. I was really tired in the morning. The baby was sick with a cold and kept on waking up. My poor husband had to be up all night. And I felt so guilty for not being able to take care of my baby.

I woke up with the kids but I went back to my recliner at 10 am and slept until noon.

I went for a short walk outside for the first time and it was fine!!! I enjoyed the sun :)

My tummy feels so so very very very tight all the time....And swollen at night like everyone else...

Also the tape under my left breast is bothering me and it feels so different from the right breast (which I hardly feel anything) anybody else had a problem with their incision ?

Today I also had a shower and tried on some clothes which weren't fitting me before and now they fit!!!! I was so amazed :)) I still can't believe I'll have a new body soon.

During the day I only take Tylenol and Advil and at night I take one dilaudid. I also take an antibiotic and arnica tablets 3 times a day.

At night I take one glass of vitamin C and zinc powder. I was taking a senna tea for regularity but I don't think I need it anymore ...

Hope everyone is feeling good (at least ok) and recuperating or preparing for their big day!! If it is the case don't be afraid it's really not as bad as we anticipate it!

I can't believe that tomorrow will be one week!!! I remember last week at this very hour, I was scared, terrified, mortified about my surgery the next day... I thought about the worse and it was hard to control myself. I was obsessed with my surgery and couldn't really think or enjoy the night , I remember going to bed around 11pm and not being able to sleep even after taking melatonin.

It wasn't a good feeling. It was the fear of the unknown, I had no idea what I was getting myself into and my family. I cried a little to relieve stress but my husband calmly look at me and said: "you're going to be ok." I know it's simple but I told myself, he's right and I decided to believe him and it worked to calm me down.

I'm telling you all this today because maybe you're in the same situation and you maybe scared or wondering what will happen the week after your surgery.

Looking back I really think I worried wayyyy too much and spent too much energy imagining what could go wrong instead of being excited about this amazing event.

I can honestly say looking back the past week that it wasn't the worse pain in my life at all, it was even nice at time to be taken care of and not worry about anything else than myself and my wellbeing.

Looking back, What I was fearing the most was the pain. And there was pain, especially waking up from surgery but I was so loopy from the med that I don't even remember very well. And the nurse were so caring and used to it that they really managed t well.

After that my pain was manageable and totally bearable with the meds. When I came home and sat in my recliner, I immediately felt better and was so happy to be home:) I felt elated to be alive and that it was finally over.

Today at 6 days po, I was able to run some errands with my parents! My tummy started aching after dinner so I had to sit down and take it easy. But I felt much more like myself today than anytime before so it's encouraging :)

It's a long road to full recovery but I'm hopeful!!!!!!
Here are some pics, don't look at the underwear lol !!! I just wanted to compare with my before pics.

Sorry for the long message but I hope that by giving lots of details I can maybe help someone. Like many lovely rs ladies have helped me go through this !!!

Good night, sleep tonight and stop worrying too much, its just not worth your time and energy xxxx

Today was one week : wooohooo!! ????????????Yes!!!!

I felt good this morning so we decided to go shopping with my parents. We borrowed a wheelchair at the mall and my dad wheeled me everywhere, even at Costco!! It was nice to be able to get out of the house but not have to walk. We had a nice lunch, it was such a great day because I never get to spend time alone with them, they're 70 and they live five hour away and spend their winter in Florida. So it was so nice to just hang out with them. When I usually see them we spend time with the kids.

Today My boys were at school and my baby at daycare, and husband was working. So it made it so special. I wouldn't get to live those great moments if I did not have surgery. I'm so grateful for all that today :)

I'm just a bit worry because they're leaving in 2 days and then I'll be on my own. Today in my wheelchair I realized that even if I feel good in my head, it's my body that's not able to follow still and that I really need a lot more time to heal. It will be crazy taking care of the kids and house next week: pheeew, not looking forward to that...

But I need to take one day at a time and I'm looking forward to another good day tomorrow. The last one before they leave.

This is the mantra that I Keep repeating to myself: Here and now, here and now :))

Good night my lovely rs ladies xxx

My right breast look smaller than my right so not sure what to do about that. I'm still wondering if I should have gone bigger....

But considering the fact that I'm keeping it a secret, with this size no one will be able to guess I had a BA. With clothes on, I look like before when I was wearing a padded bra. I'm just starting to worry they will be too small when the swelling goes down?!?!
Also, My incision is higher on the left side. I know it was tricky for him because I have a scoliosis so I'm not straight standing up, My spine curves...
Anyway, patience is the key here for appreciating results but I still don't want to have gone through all this and not be satisfied with my results :/

This is what I need to wear 24/7. It's not that bad because it doesn't get itchy but the closing pins are like the ones for bra and they tend to get in the skin a bit...

I feel so much better today. It really feels like I've turned a corner:

1) I slept in my own bed all night, on my side!!

2) I only had advil before bed and I haven't taken anything for pain yet it's almost noon!!

3) I drove to my ps appointment and I was fine.

4) I'm standing straighter not back to normal but almost...

My ps took out my stitches under my breast and said I'm healing well. He laughed when I said I was maybe too small. He said: I told you so!

Anyway now it's done and I can't go back so I'll have to appreciate what I have...here's a bikini pic!! My tummy is still swollen...

It's been 2 weeks on Wednesday, yay!!!

I've been busy with the kids and I'm back to doing everything, except picking up my baby :( ... But otherwise I'm back to doing all my chores just like before. Im still on leave until mid october. So still time for healing :)

I get help for lifting heavy things like grocery bags but that's about it...I have some pain sometimes before bedtime when I'm tired so I take an Advil. I also take a nap every afternoon because I'm still really tired...

I keep on trying clothes every morning and still can't believe how they fit on me. I had to throw out a bunch of clothes which have become too big for me. And clothes that I never thought would fit again, I can now wear ....Wow!!! Especially low rise jeans and tight tank tops (picture) It's so nice not to worry about that belly and my hernia :))

The only thing I've noticed is that my belly looks nicer if I suck it in. It feels like my muscles are not tight enough... I stil get bloated at night. Not as big as before my tt but still...
I don't know if this is normal?

Hope everyone feels good and healing nicely. Have A nice day lovely ladies :))

Yesterday was 3 weeks!! Woot woot!! I decided to go shopping for new clothes and it was weird because I didn't find much, its like I don't know this new body .... but its a good feeling because it has so much improved!!! Before I was looking for baggy tops, that aren't tight around the waist... now it's irrelevant !! Yay!! But it's like I'm not searching the right type of clothes ... and Im now down at least two size around the waist with bigger breast so I just need to get used to it!!!
So yesterday wiped me out completely and by late afternoon I had a sore throat and was so tired and achy. Today I have a cold :( been sleeping and taking it easy and I'm still in my pyjamas at almost 3pm. Half an hour before the kids come back, better hurry!! Hope everyone feels great!! Fall is here and hope you get to enjoy it xxx