I Removed My Breast Implants 7.5 Months After I Got Them (5 Months Post-Explant)

I've wanted implants since I was 16, so when I finally got the money for them at the age of 24 I was overjoyed. Finally, I wouldn't look like a teenage boy in a bikini at the pool anymore! I did a ton of research, or so I thought, and went ahead with the procedure at the end of December 2012. I had 350cc silicone implants placed under the muscle via a crease incision. From the moment I woke up from the procedure, I knew I had made a terrible mistake. I didn't understand how I could want something so much, then suddenly feel as though my life was ruined because of it. I hoped that I was only experiencing some post-surgery depression, but as time dragged on, it only got worse.

Fast forward almost 4 months, and I still cry on an almost daily basis. I think, "What have I done to myself? My body is ruined, and I'm still so young." I look at women with small breasts with envy. "Surely," I lament, "they have perfect, perky breasts that are not scarred, and their boyfriends still find them sexy." (Another issue I'm having is over what I have done to my boyfriend. He loved me the way I was, and I took that all away from him. How very selfish of me.) I have still not been able to resume exercising at the level I was prior to surgery because of the pain it causes. I used to run at least 15-20 miles a week, but now, running is too painful, even with two, very supportive sports bras. I can only make it maybe 2 miles, at most, before the top of my chest starts throbbing, then the sides start to burn. I can't even sleep comfortably. In addition to the discomfort, I suddenly realized what a lifetime commitment these things are. I don't want to have to put my life on hole in the future to fix my boobs! I want my future children to have a healthy mom!

I finally decided on implant removal about a month ago. Unfortunately, my PS thought I was still suffering from post-op depression and felt I would learn to like them. As a result, she refused to take them out. I had another appointment with her a week ago and she still refuses to schedule a removal date. Instead, she felt that because I was distraught over the initial procedure, I wouldn't be emotionally able to handle the initial look of my breasts post-removal and recommended I see a therapist prior to removal. While I understand that she may be trying to look out for my well-being, she is not the one that has to live with these things on a day-to-day basis. I am hoping that I will be able to convince her to schedule surgery soon as I have seen a therapist twice in order to comply with her request. Otherwise, I will find another surgeon.

I am scared about the outcome, but I am trying to be positive. I know that since I am young and have only had the implants in for a few months, my results should be decent. Further, since I am young and had perky boobs beforehand I have a lot of factors weighing in my favor. I just want them out so I can begin healing and get back to my normal life. I feel so foolish for letting vanity get the best of me and going ahead with the procedure in the first place. I just hope that I will eventually be able to put this all behind me and learn to embrace myself as God intended me to be.