Finally Pictures...

I'm a 32 yo woman that has had four pregnancies, two live births, two miscarriages. My first son was born in 2000, my second in 2008. My first son had special needs and I completely dedicated the 6 short years he was with us to his care. After a short break, completion of a Master's degree and return to the workforce, I once again became pregnant, and my sorrow was replaced with joy.

The second pregnancy was very different from my first, I carried much larger and developed stretch marks and spider veins. Once again the joy overshadowed the loss of the pre-pregnancy me. As time has passed, I have considered many options for weight loss, and smoothing out my contours. Never was I a "thin" woman, so returning to "normal" should have been simple. Now in my 30's, simple is a myth when almost anything is discussed.

I've been seriously considering plastic surgery for the past 4-5 years. I have went for consultations for tummy tucks, only to be told I need to loose weight, I should have bypass...etc. etc. I am at a current weight of 245lbs., 5'2". I know I am overweight, but even with regular exercise and diet modification, results have not been great. There has been a consortium of opinions, " you're over 30, weightloss is a different ball game", "you should discontinue your birth control, hormones play a key role in weight loss", "your mother and father are fat, so you will be too", you name it I've heard it.

One thing I know, I love me. I love my husband, my son, family and friends, but I love me more. I've worked hard to accomplish my goals in the past, I've suffered many losses throughout life, I've conquered many obstacles, and I refuse to lose to my self. Prior to my second son I had found a place where fitness was fun and a healthy lifestyle was enjoyable. I long to return to that. I am hoping that this procedure makes it easier for me to exercise, easier to fit in clothing, and makes my outside me match the inner me, happy and full of joy.

Surgically my goals are
1.) smooth tuck (patented procedure similar to tummy tuck, yet no muscle repair and inclusion of aggressive liposuction). This procedure seems to suit me well as I AM overweight and my fat is centrally located.
2.) thigh liposuction- I have always wanted smaller thighs. Since I was about 8 yrs old I had difficulty finding pants that fit properly. Tight on legs, large on waist. This procedure would have to be performed separately, and I'm hoping the first doesn't scare me so much I punk out.

My feelings about the surgery are mixed. I feel selfish, I have a young child and husband that need me, and there are risks with surgery, some quite serious. But I do realize that I always put others first. I NEVER put my needs above other's wants. I want to change that. I want to restore the balance, take care of my duties and MYSELF.

I feel nervous, I was lightheaded signing my consent forms, as it seems surreal that I am actually doing this to myself. I'm scared, full of "what ifs", but having faith in my God has somewhat put me at ease. I'm excited, wondering how it would feel to have a flat stomach, or at least not have the one I have now.

I'm so grateful to my best friend who offered post-op care for me and assistance with my 3 year old. Without her, I couldn't have scheduled my surgery. I would have rather had this procedure in September, but I'll sacrifice one summer of fun for a more permanent sense of fulfillment, knowing I have someone who WANTS to help me be at my bedside full of support.

I'm a little disappointed by the people who respond negatively to the idea, or make comments regarding how inconvenient this will be for them. Well I'm so sorry I won't be able to do for YOU during the short time I'm choosing to do for MYSELF. And so life is....get over it:)

I'm scheduled for July 17th and I am less than a month away, today was my pre-op appointment. I received my prescriptions, colace, Keflex, percocets...my recommendations and took my before pictures. If I can survive wearing tiny disposable underwear in front of a blue screen taking nude pictures, I can survive anything. I'm sure my nerves will kick in and I will be an irritable mess, but today is not the day. I will be scheduling two full body massages, and mani-pedi prior to surgery to calm my senses.
I have already bought my electrolyte fluid for post op, jello, crackers, chicken broth, all fat free, to get me through my first week.

I'm sharing my story here because I am SO grateful for all the pictures and stories I have read on here, people sharing the good, the bad and the ugly. I hope my surgery goes well and I'm able to share my results with the real self community. So until the next post....