Removal of 15 Year Old Saline Implants Under Local w/ Oral Sedation

Let me start by saying you ladies are wonderful. ...

Let me start by saying you ladies are wonderful. I am so very glad I stumbled upon this site a month ago and can't thank you all enough for sharing your stories & photo's & giving me hope. Anytime I'd looked up breast implant removal in the past I'd find not so flattering photo's, a few horror stories and was really scared of the outcome, like so many of you. This site has made a world of difference.

I had saline implants put under the muscle in 2000 when I was 22. I honestly don't even know the manufacturer or size he put in; it never occured to me to ask & he didn't tell. I'd been teased for so many years about my small breasts with many nicknames given, and was so insecure & felt this was what I wanted. I was (I think) a 32B before implants. I was so excited to be able to get them & have cleavage & shape! Of course I had my doubts, but this was what I'd wanted!!! The day of surgery the PS left me in the exam room for a good 15 minutes while they readied the OR. Ever fiber of my being in my brain & body was saying run, run, RUNNNN, don't do this!!! I was so nervous & it was not good to leave me alone that long! But I also felt I'd come this far, just do it cause they'd already been paid so I might as well get something to show for it before I lose all my money & get nothing! I wish I'd listened to my gut.

The surgery took 4 or 5 hours, MUCH longer than expected! I woke up in excrutiating pain & feeling like I had an elephant sitting on my chest! The next few days were torture with chest crushing pain. I was bruised beyond belief! And wondering what the hell I did to myself?! Oh, and not to mention as I laid on the table before going under, I saw the implants he picked for me & they were huge!!! I was like "This isn't what I wanted!!" and so right there, I had to pick out smaller implants for myself - in the OR! I just wanted some size & shape, not monster things in me!

The implants rode high for almost a year, then finally started to drop & I liked them ever so briefly but then for the next 14 years I've wanted them OUT! They hurt - bad at times! I can feel the implants & horrible rippling & this isn't natural feeling at all! Even though they're smooth they feel as if they have a sharp edge that is constantly rubbing the inside of my breast - like a paper cut. I lost nearly all nipple sensation with them. When I lie flat, my boobs actually slosh to the sides of my body & aren't even on my chest at all & indent on me! My PS promised me they'd be beautiful & fine & last "FOREVER". (I was never told they needed replacing or removal at some point.)

Fast forward to two years with implants - I ended up diagnosed with a rare auto immune disease and have been on disability ever since. It's made my life hell. I always felt the implants had something to do with it but doctor's assured me saline are safe & there was no way; but I still had that in my mind they had something to do with it & it was too much of a coincidence.

In 2008 I decided I had enough of the implants, could live with whatever results I got & scheduled a consult with my original PS to discuss removal. However, I was also in the process of finding a new place & happened to find an apartment at the time of the appt. so I cancelled it cause I figured I couldn't remove them & recover properly while moving. I now take this as a blessing in disguise, as my PS was banned & license revoked shortly after due to scores of malpractice suits & botched surgeries that came to light! I was SO very thankful I'd had to cancel my appt. after all that came out, cause he may very well have killed me with my illness! So I put the idea on the backburner, meanwhile daily thinking how much I hate these things & want them OUT!

This past summer I found a lump in my right breast. I went thru the doctor's & testing, and while my lump ending up being a harmless cyst, I needed a stereotactic biopsy done cause of what else was found during the mammo. Luckily what they found wasn't cancerous. Phew! Well, either the mammo did something or they nicked me during the biopsy cause about two months ago I noticed my right breast is getting smaller than it ever was & is actually getting squishy, as how a real breast feels. This concerned me greatly & it's time to think about taking them out again. Even if saline is suppposed to be "harmless" they need to come out; one is ruptured & it's a medical necessity for me, especially given my health problems. I can't take any chances at this point. Albeit it is a slow leak, it is a leak none the less where I have noticed the changes in my breast & that it is getting smaller each week.

I have a consult scheduled with a PS for tomorrow evening (Feb. 9th), and my best friend is coming along with me to help my nerves. I've been with my boyfriend for 20 years now and he always said "Don't do it, you'll hate it!!" but I did it anyway. So he's known me before, and with them & I'm now getting a "told ya so" lol Unfortunately he has his own doc's appt so he can't come with me but I'm grateful for the support from my friend.

It is just so crazy to me, reading all these stories, how almost all of us have felt the same way. We wanted them for whatever our reasons were, and thought we'd be happy but it seems there are quite a lot of us aren't. I'm so glad I'm not alone in my feelings. Implants do NOT feel natural. I actually do not even know my bra size as I get wireless ones in size Medium cause I can't take underwire at all & the wireless ones with an actual size - I just can't find one that fits comfortably or perfectly; no one could determine my size! I hug my female friends & feel their squishy breasts & wish I felt that way! Then I wonder if they are feeling these balloons on my chest?! To be honest, I never really told but a handful of people I have them, and that includes NOT telling family members as well. So many don't know. And now I'm wondering if they all know anyway, cause they probably feel them when they hug me so who am I kidding?! Why are we excited to get them but embarassed to tell anyone we have?! The first year or two was ok with cute revealing tops but after that I've tried to hide them with baggy shirts & am very thankful I didn't get very big ones!

It was a poor decision, one I've regretted for 15 years and it's time to change that. I found my before BA pics & can see the upper pole flatness, the spread I had between them giving me zero cleavage and can see why my young mind was thinking I wanted them. But I had boobies!!! It wasn't like I was totally flat as a board, they did have some shape & size & perkiness to them! They may not have been perfect or big but man does seeing the only pictures I'd taken of them make me want to cry & want them back more! I'm at the same body size & just a little under 100lbs, so I'm hoping I have something left to them but with the right one deflating, I can feel that I've probably got more breast tissue than I'd expected, so I am hopeful. But at this point I'd take anything, if it just means having them out. And having this leak start is giving me the kick to do so. The idea of finally possibly getting them removed is exciting but this is surgery, and surgery is scary and I am especially scared of the risks of complications after removal given my health history.

I'll take some current photo's of myself in the next day or two & will let you know how the consult goes.

First PS consult

Thank you ladies! The consult went ok. He was a very nice, soft spoken man who not only explained things to me, but answered all of my questions for the things he hadn't covered on his own. I greatly appreciated he understood why I was there & didn't pressure me into replacement which is a HUGE plus for any PS. Though we did discuss there are risks with how the breasts might look without replacement, but that was as far as that went. I also learned I am about 300cc though it would be hard to tell for sure until they were drained & measured.

I feel like I should still explore my options though, (which is just always a smart thing to do in instances like this) and have scheduled a consult with another PS for next week, who seems to have more experience with explants than the PS I just saw. I'll know for sure once I speak with him directly. I have a general idea of what I want done, and feel the PS I choose should at least be on the same fence with me for the majority of the surgery. I also have a 3rd consult with another PS on March 4th as well. Again...just something I want to explore the feelings on a few doctor's before deciding on "the one".

LIES that my PS told me

I found the after-care booklet my doctor sent me home with. He told me this in person as well and young, naive me believed him.

Some current photo's

My breasts had been perfectly even, with both nipples directly across from one another, and same cup size before my biopsy. Right breast is slowly getting smaller from the leak and nipple is getting higher as skin retracts.

PS chosen & date set!

Hi ladies,

So after going to a consult with my best friend yesterday, I knew I had found "the one"! He left us in the room for a short period after quite a lot of Q&A and we both turned to one another & simultaneously said "I really like him!". I knew I didn't have to look any further & said I wanted him even before I knew the price! lol He's a double board certified PS with elite credentials. Incredibly nice, informative and personable guy who puts you at ease. He has hope that the surgery will go well & that my breasts will be back to about 80% where I was before BA. Didn't once mention replacement at all.

I am scheduled for March 9th and will do local anesthesia with oral sedation. I've got a Valium and a sleeping pill that I'll take and something tells me with my size I may be knocked out & not awake at all thru it! hah! He'll go under the breast, and we both agreed drains will be a good thing to have with my health history. I gather I'm not going to be having much fun with them in or while being removed, but I'll feel so much better with them in to minimalize fluid & bleeding risks. He'll remove the implants but leave the capsules, however will "score" them a bit. I asked if his little zappy tool used to cut thru the fat/muscle would produce unpleasant smells & he said I may smell something, so I'm bringing lavender or some other nice smelling thing in case I do stay awake & can smell it! I'll have a sheet blocking my view though.

Unless I develop a problem, he said I can see him a week after the procedure to remove the drains (or maybe even sooner if nothing is coming out) with other periodic follow-ups in the future as well. I appreciated this & not specifically needing a next day follow up unless it was necessary as he is about 45 minutes away from me, so that can be a bit of a drive. But he'll be there for me if I need him.

Since I booked right then & there, the consult turned into a little pre-op as well, so I can save making the trip to his office next week. It's costing $2,500 for the surgery & $500 for other surgery center fees. Had to sign a ton of forms, paid in full. All of the ladies in the office were incredibly nice as well and I really feel like I'll be in good hands with him. Today I took care of bloodwork, prescriptions and will get a medical clearance from my family doctor in a few days.

After my friend & I left, we passed by a Walmart so I could check out sports bras. He wants me in them for 3-6 weeks to help with tissue & skin tightening, only off to shower. Ugh! I got some Danskin Now pullover ones for those recovery weeks. I got a small and a medium, as I am just not sure which will fit! I also got a front closure bra as well for just after the surgery but the eyelets were popping on me! I'd latch one, another would un-latch! OK, this bra sucks & is going back!!! If anyone knows of a zippered front closure sports bra, please let me know where I can find it! I'm looking online & small ones seem to be sold out.

I got home & that's when it hit me. I'm finally doing something I've talked about for the past 14 years. OMG. I have been a flurry of emotions since realizing that. Nervous? Happy? Anxious? Maybe even sad? I can't exactly pin point any one particular thing that has me feeling this way as I'm not thinking about any. It simply -- just got me emotional. OK, so it is totally different to one minute be talking about it, and the next being paid for & just knowing it is finally going to be happening! This whole journey is a mind trip for sure.

Week and a half to go & sports bra arrived!

I found what I think will be the perfect post-op sports bra at Modell's Sporting Goods. My local Modell's only had a medium in stock but I tried it on & it fit me perfectly now so I went & ordered the small they have online. This thing is so comfy!! It has outer side straps to adjust that won't irritate incisions and you can see it has a thicker padded lining behind the zipper to not annoy. It was super tight when I tried it on & took this picture so I hope that with these water balloons off my chest it'll fit perfectly. I'll bring another one, just in case.

A week ago I was having my consult & booking, now I'm at a week and a half to go til surgery. So excited that I'll finally have these things out of me. I'm in such a happy place right now & optimistic about the outcome. Now let's just hope this calm stays with me til the night before & day of surgery! lol

Four More Sleeps....!!!

Counting down & really anxious to get this over with and become the new me! Only four more sleeps to go & I think the last few days are the worst cause it's just so close but yet still so far away! Time is passing though.

So far I'm very happy I've chosen Dr. Gartner in Paramus NJ as my PS, because in addition to really liking him at my consult, his entire staff has been so incredibly sweet & helpful! I really think it says a lot about the surgeon when he picks such a kind and comforting staff. I called one day with a few questions & the lovely woman went above & beyond my three questions and had me on for 20 min. explaining things. And I've already gotten my pre-op call to go over last minute things & again, that woman was just lovely & kept asking if I had questions. I honestly really didn't cause all of you lovely ladies have been so detailed I pretty much know what to expect! I know the surgery isn't here yet, and time will really tell, but so far I'm confident in my decision.

I had an avalanche of good luck fall my way this week. Not one, but two people I know (who don't even know about my implants or upcoming surgery!) cleaned out their closets & offered me clothing. I really have no problem accepting other people's unwanted clothing and ended up literally filling the trunk of my car, it was that much! Almost all were just the style I like, many were still brand new, with tags still on them, and lots of name brands too! I was in heaven cause all the tops & shirts were SMALL!! Since I've been hiding these fake boobs of mine under baggy clothing, I now have a brand new (to me) extensive new wardrobe that cost me not a penny! Since I now needed room for all these clothes, it got me to clean out my own closet & ditch all those medium & large tops that I wore not only to hide these, but cause small tops wouldn't fit me over my bust but now they will. I'm feeling like I am a new me already, the me I should have been all these years but couldn't be!

Needless to say I have been doing laundry for two days now. lol I want to get everything done, this house as clean and organized as possible so I can just veg out & concentrate on recovery! I have tons of food and snacks and think I'm about set. I got a "backrest pillow" from Walmart for sleeping, cause I am a side sleeper and knowing I have to sleep on my back for a while, I think this will help me maintain that position. Word of advice: if you opt to get one of these, buy in the store and not online cause they have different levels of comfort ranging from mushy to rock hard pillows. I like the mushy ones and would have bought the wrong one if I'd bought it online by basing it on the fabric pattern I liked.

I'm bringing three sports bras with me the day of surgery. It is insanely hard to tell which will fit immediately after! The bands are all ok, but trying to imagine your chest without water balloons on it now....you just don't know what cup will fit! I managed to find a Danskin Now 360 front zippered bra in Walmart, size small. I was ecstatic to find one cause a lot of women recommend them & apparently they've been discontinued and only if you're lucky, can you maybe manage to find one left in a store. It is super comfy & I'm busting out of it now but I'm hoping once I'm flatter, it'll really fit me great!

I also got some other Danskin Now medium impact seamless racerback sports bras that I'll have to wear for a month straight after surgery - at all times except for showering. I'm going to live in these things, I'm afraid! Well, they again, are super comfy on me now so I picked up a few size smalls.

I also bought Palmer's Firming Butter that claims to tighten the skin along with firming it and toning it too. It has Shea Butter, Collagen, Elastin & Vitamin E in it. I guess I'll start using this a few days after surgery cause I am quite sure my skin will be very stretched out from the implants and this will come in handy.

The day of surgery I'll bring my bras, a change of underwear & pants just in case saline gets all over. I'll bring some safety pins to attach the drains to the bra. My medications, of course. A button down top. A drink for the ride home. Any other tips of items I should bring that you ladies can recommend??

I'm still remaining pretty calm and optimistic for the most part. I have seen SO MANY amazing results from all of the brave ladies sharing their explant stories and pictures that I am hopeful I too will join the "amazing explant result club"! :) What is upsetting to me is I won't be able to hold my kitties for a while & I love those comforting cuddles from my kitties. lol I'm also upset that I will be losing about 2lbs, maybe a little more once these are out. Ugh! I am so close to a hundred pounds but now I'm going to have to work that much harder to get there! When you think about it, the weight we say we are really isn't true, cause who takes these into consideration?? I really think they screwed up my metabolism cause I've had problems gaining weight, no matter how much I eat, ever since they went in. I seriously hope that changes!

Thank you again to all the brave women sharing their stories and giving us ladies about to explant the courage to finally do it!

Tomorrow is the day!

I can't believe it's here already! My nerves finally kicked in yesterday & my tummy is doing flips. I keep telling myself I went thru a more involved stereotactic breast biopsy awake without feeling anything and have been thru many other things, some tests probably far worse than this so I'll be ok. I know I'll probably be a nervous wreck tomorrow but keep telling myself I'll have meds to calm me and all will be ok.

Have to do some last minute food shopping this afternoon then tonight am going to a dear friends surprise birthday party til about 9pm. So I imagine the day will pass quickly. Daylight savings time and losing an hour isn't helping! I hope I get enough sleep tonight.

I know there's about a handful of us getting our explants this week, so let's start this off! Thank you to all the wonderful ladies who have already sent well wishes my way. My surgery is at 1pm and I'll try to update once I'm home & not loopy from the meds. I'm told I can see them before I get into my sports bra so I'll try to take a photo then if I can, cause I really want to document the changes I know my body will go thru; starting from the beginning!

See you on the other side! xxxx

Back on the Itty Bitty Committee!

Done with surgery & home now. Sleepy so just a quick update for now. They are somewhat flat, they are wrinkled, they are slightly stretched out from 15 years of implants but...I HAVE BOOBS!!! And not only that, but they look exactly how I pictured they might & I expect great things after skin retraction & fluffing!

Will post more details later on or tomorrow and include pictures but for now this small breasted girl is happy! :) Now to sleep for a bit....

How the surgery went...

Even though I got into bed early, I didn't fall asleep til 3am cause of my nerves and planned to sleep in a bit but car horns honking woke me at 7am. So 4 hours of sleep really did NOT help nerves much! My boyfriend and I got there and they got me ready. Had to sign a few more forms, had asked the doctor some last minute questions. The nurses on his team were incredibly sweet. Took my Valium and sleeping pill. Felt it working within five minutes. I knew the moment they kicked in as they had me a little loopy, which I guess was enough for them cause into the OR we went!

I got strapped to the T table, it was heated and they secured me good and had blankets all around me. Put up my curtain, painted my body with the cold orange stuff and away we went. The one nurse, Jamie held my hand nearly the entire time. I thought I was going to break hers & she couldn't believe the grip on tiny me! lol The PS numbed me really well. I thought I'd be knocked out from the pill combo but in the end felt the pills weren't enough & even asked if I could take another Valium halfway thru. I think my moderate anxiety levels shot to pretty high so my body was resisting those pills working as they should! Oh believe me, they worked but I thought I'd be in more of a la-la land than I was.

But still, I was calm enough not to freak out, luckily, and he did an amazing job numbing me that only twice did I feel like molten lava was pouring down each side of me. Maybe that was the drain part. But it was the only pain I felt; the rest was just pulling and pushing feelings. Smelled a bit of the cauterizing and a few times saw smoke drifting up that blue curtain. Yikes! I felt the instant he popped the left one out even before he told me. Kinda like a cork screw sound/feel. Sewed that side up, onto the right and same thing. It took about 45 minutes, I think, but there's so many things going on and you're just in another world not really knowing what is going on behind the curtain so it didn't feel that long.

After we were done got into an ace bandage, then bra. I took an ever so brief peek but not long enough cause they wanted to wrap me up. I got instructions on how to empty/work the drains and then home we went. I actually felt more loopy on the car ride home & once home, then I was there! Oh that was fun!

Once home I wanted to change out of the bra I had on - it was way too tight! So while I was at it I took a peek at just 2 hours post op. I was pleasantly surprised. Sure, they were wrinkled and saggy and empty looking but they were also EXACTLY how I pictured they'd look!!! I STILL HAD BOOBS!!!! Even if they were small...

So I popped a pain pill and took a nap. The surgeon woke me by calling me himself to see how I was. Told him my right incision hurt. And that the sports bra was way too tight. I also think this is cause of the ace bandage wrapped around me. He told me I could go with a medium impact bra instead, it was ok. All in all, he felt things were going good and I have very little to no fluid in my drains.

So I went to change into my other looser bra & figured I'd see how my girls looked again. Holy cow! I'd just seen them 2 hours post op and now here I was 5 hours post op and what a transformation in that short period of time!!!! And not only that, I took the pic right after I had just unwrapped myself from a VERY constricting ace bandage and bra! It's like my boobs got rid of most of the wrinkles, took on a shape & went boing on me!!! I almost look like how I did before BA! Sure, I'm missing that upper pole and they are still spread too far apart but I can't believe how well I look after 15 years with these inside of me! I'm elated to say the least. I'm still so wrapped up (and ace bandage can come off tomorrow) I can't say I feel that freedom just yet but it definitely feels like something is missing.

And I got my implants back. Both were very icky. Check out this picture of one. It is textured & raised and icky stuff adhered to it and YUCK!!! I can't believe I had this in me for so long! What oh what was it doing to me?!?! Too bad the camera really can't pick up the true look of it but it's like a sand grain texture all over when it shouldn't be. YUCK!

I think I will spend tomorrow catching up on much needed sleep! I am SO glad I did this. If you have a PS as kind and thorough as mine is, there is absolutely NO reason why any woman shouldn't go for a simple explant under local anesthesia. Don't do the general unless you really have to if you have a complex situation or something. I can't believe I had this surgery awake but honestly, it was nothing. And for me with my moderate anxiety levels to say that - that's saying a lot! I'm now sore at both incisions and can take another pill in a few minutes but other than that and some nausea as well (which is probably from lack of sleep most of all) I feel like I'm doing pretty good.

Day Three Update

Hi Ladies,

So here I am already at day 3 of them out! Today I woke up incredibly itchy!!! My boobs are driving me insane!! I know eventually the incisions will get itchy as they heal - but the breasts?? I called my PS and apparently this is part of the healing process with what they've been thru. OK, at least it's normal. I changed out of my spandex bra for the cotton one in hopes that might help it as well in case I was having a reaction to spandex since I never wear it.

Pain - Wow, it is amazing how implant and explant are like night & day!! I took two pain pills the first day but felt it wasn't doing anything for me at all. So I switched to just one extra-strength Tylenol & took two doses of that yesterday which helped. And honestly, the pain is so minimal if I hadn't had anything on hand I could have been fine. I just wanted to take that little edge off. The incisions & drains are slightly tender and sore, but mostly there is minimal pain involved. I wouldn't believe it if I wasn't going thru it myself!

Incisions & drains - My incisions are still covered up along with my drains so I don't know if I've got any bruising or swelling going on. The drains produced about a teaspoon of fluid yesterday & even less today. I called to see if I could get them removed earlier than my follow up on Tuesday cause at this point, I think they're probably not necessary. I wanted them as a precaution to prevent fluid build-up, but no need to keep them in even longer if I don't need to. They'll call me tomorrow & let me know if I can get in this week to get them out. I found pinning them to the bottom center of the bra was the best position to not be cumbersome for me while both awake and sleeping.

Sleeping - I really hate back sleeping but found a position that mocks side sleeping (which is how I sleep) and it has helped. I am on my back, but shift my weight to one hip ever so slightly (either left or right side, depending on my mood) and then fold my legs in a sideways V shape on the side I've chosen - with a pillow between my legs. I am completely off both my drain site and incision site and just that slight twist to one side while still staying on my back has really helped me. I've actually slept pretty good.

Feeling - They feel really weird!! It's like a mushy, jiggly - hands in a bowl of jello squishing it around feeling. I'm sure this is cause the body & tissue is healing after years of stretching but this is a weird feeling! I asked my cousin if this is how her natural breasts feel & she said we can compare & feel each others cause she wasn't sure if what I was describing was how hers felt to her. hahahaha! It's just been soooo long since I've felt natural breasts it's just so weird & will take getting used to!

Health differences - I know some women experience symptom decrease almost immediately, however I haven't felt that way just yet. Although, I have been very warm since day one! I actually keep taking my temp thinking I might have a fever but it's in the low 98's, so I'm ok there. I CAN feel the blood circulating thru my fingers and toes, making me tingle. And I am also warmer there along with my entire body. I was always very cold at all times, and attributed it to be tiny and thin but maybe the implants made me feel cold all over, cause they never warmed up?? So feeling like my body is warmer unlike it's ever been and actually feeling the blood circulate thru me is a new one on me.

Appearance - Oh my poor sad little boobies! They do look exactly how I pictured they might & it's actually not that bad considering I'm a few days out. But yeah, they lack that upper pole greatly. And compressed with the sports bra & then a shirt - well I am flat! I'm not when looking at them bare, but with clothes on - yeah, pretty flat. I know it won't always be like this though & once I can wear a regular bra it'll give me the chance to fluff and push them up. But here I was thinking all these years I was hiding the implants under baggy clothes but whew - you realize what a farce that was once they are gone cause now you have zero curves at first! I am sure once friends see me they will notice right away I don't have those curves and something changed with me. There won't be fooling anyone. But I know that time will improve them so I'm continuing with that positive outlook, knowing it won't always be like this. That's also why they make the breast cutlet's as well, which I may get a pair of. ;-)

Recovery - Since this experience is so unlike implantation, it's actually hard to realize you've just had a surgery. You feel like you're feeling great the next day. But...I am taking it easy, lounging around & being a bum cause I know even though my mind says different, my body IS healing. So even though I feel like I could probably run a marathon right now, I'm not. I still don't want to drive just yet. I realize I have a lot of mobility with my arms but am taking that easy too. I couldn't even lift them in front of or behind myself after implant, but this time around I have full range of motion in all directions but choose not to use it just yet unless necessary. It really comes down to common sense and realizing though your body would allow you to do things, in order to heal properly you really shouldn't do those things.

The Implants - I tried to take better pictures of the implants. They really look like they've developed a mountain range on them! They are raised and gritty feeling and have stuff forming on them -- just so disgusting! And to think they were perfectly smooth going in! I wonder if this is why I was so itchy all the time, cause I had that raised stuff rubbing the inside of my breast. Since it says it on them I found out they are 350 shells but were only filled to 330 cc's. So that could also explain the massive rippling I've had since the beginning - they were underfilled! I also weighed myself before I left the house & after I got back and lost only 8oz with them removed, so I was thankful for that!

I know I've written a lot here but I want to document my journey and perhaps help other women who are considering explant on what to expect. Hugs to all!

One Week Post-Op!

Here I am, post-op one week. Overall I feel great & again can't say enough how getting them in verse getting them out is SO different as far as recovery goes! I'm just using common sense as far as what I can & can not do as I feel I can do stuff but also don't want a seroma or hematoma to form or to pop a stitch if I end up over-doing it or by lifting something too heavy!

I only took a total of 2 pain pills and 6 Tylenol & was done with that by Thursday. Getting the drains out was painful but was also over very quickly. Word of advice: hold in your breath and grip something! Cause your nails are going to want to dig into something as they're being pulled out! Luckily the pain from that is short lived.

My absolute biggest dilemma is finding the perfect post-op bra! Here I'd bought so many cause I just didn't know what would fit & meanwhile none of them could fit right! Leave tags on, ladies, til you know for sure just how much breast tissue you've got left & what bras will fit properly!!! My PS saw me & wasn't happy with what I had on as he wants me compressed to heal properly. Basically I have to smoosh my breast against myself as tight as I can in the cup for the skin to retract. Well guess what....I have so little breast tissue that size small sports bras have way too tight bands on them but my breast is still "swimming" in the cup! No compression at all! I have now been to many stores & must have tried on over 100 sports bras and wirefree bras and all these things and still find my breast is swimming in the cup!!!

I finally found the Flirtitude bralette at JcPenney and it seems to do the trick. The band is tight but not so uncomfortable & thanks to the padded cups my breasts get just the smoosh it needs. Not exactly a sports bra, but it is the only one I could find that I wasn't swimming in. I debated going to the little girls section and maybe finding a girls sports bra?! Needless to say three days of bra hunting for me was depressing & frustrating!!! I had also tried on size 32A and 34A but meanwhile my boobs were popping out of them. So I went to 32B and 34B and actually the 32 band felt good but my boobs were swimming in them! So NO clue right now what size I currently am other than the bralette in a small!

Hopefully fluffing will help and I have noticed changes from day one. I'm filling out slowly. I realize my incision bandages also have my breasts riding/pushed up a bit, so once those are gone on Thursday my breasts should fall a bit and hang more freely, which may help. My left breast is bigger than my right and more defined overall with more shape. I do feel like they are slowly looking like my old breasts, just a bit deflated looking especially in that upper pole area.

Now the most disturbing, bizarre & unexpected thing happens when I raise my arms up. It's taking courage to even post these pictures. My breasts totally disappear and become wrinkled! It's like the tv show where people lose lots of weight & have nothing but hanging wrinkles left! Well, I guess this is really what did happen to me but this result is unexpected & not so pretty. However, I have been using my firming lotion and have noticed some improvement. It is just so bizarre to raise my arms up & see this.

My nipples are so strangely filled with sensation. I lost almost all sensation in them after BA but now call them my sensitive rock hard torpedoes. lol It actually hurts to take a shower! Even the gentlest of water flow on them has them hurting cause the sensation is so strong! Definitely wasn't expecting to regain sensation again, especially to this magnitude! They are constantly tingly & rock hard on me!

Overall, I am happy thus far and I know it takes time to get really close to where they once were. While I am happy to have those toxic bags out it is a little depressing to find myself totally flat in clothing. Having flashbacks of the teen and young 20-something that I was & why I wanted them in the first place. I thought I was hiding the implants in baggy shirts meanwhile I see they did give me curves & now those curves are completely gone! I'm not quite ready to have people question where my breats have gone so I did wear some strategically placed scarves when I went out & saw people I know. I kinda felt I got glances, but no questions yet. Just not something I want to explain...not yet!

I'm going to get my incision bandages off on Thursday. Can't wait to see not only how the incisions look, but how my breasts look when not raised up by the bandages!

11 Day Update w/ bandages off finally.

So yesterday I got my incision bandages off & got my first peek at the incisions/scar area. Looks like good, healthy cuts. Left scar is high up & will most likely be hidden by that breast. Right is, eh, slightly lower and I'm not sure if I can hide that one if I wear a bikini & the scar doesn't disappear and/or that breast doesn't fill out more. Overall though, pleased with how they look. I have to put on neosporin for a week and then a week after that start with scar strips.

Now that the bandages are off, got my first "real" view of how they look since the bandages had been raising both breasts up. Sure enough, what had been death-defying upper pole ski slopes evened out a bit more as the breasts dropped. Still missing upper pole, but not nearly as dramatic now. My right one has a lot of catching up to do & is definitely the smaller of the two!

They're still a bit tender & sore to the touch. They have finally gotten over that squishy jello feeling stage, (thank goodness!!!) and are beginning to feel as natural breasts should, with more substance to them. Showers still feel weird though even as the gentlest of water touches them; still a little sore & takes getting used to. Every day I am amazed at the changes going on! Every day I see more improvements & am seeing the body I once had. Still got quite a lot of fluffing & filling out to do, but I am happy.

The other day I got in the mail a very nice thank you & follow-up letter from my PS thanking me for using him and saying to call if I had any concerns with recovery. Also included was a gift certificate for a future procedure. I'm sorry, but that might be one gift cert. I may never use! lol Very nice gesture though, I must say, cause I doubt many other PS's do that.

Two (plus) Week Update & Sports Bra Woes!

Here we are at day 16 already; over two weeks now!!! Time flies. I'm still feeling good. The daily fluffing is just amazing & I'm reminded again how it's just like going thru puberty all over again! Oh please little boobies, continue to fluff & grow & don't stop now! lol But to watch that skin get smoother & tighter...incredible. I recommend taking daily photo's cause I've found myself flipping thru them and looking at the changes day by day.

They're still a little tender & sore to the touch. The scars are healing great. The left one is still bigger, with a bigger breast crease. The right one has a lot of catching up to do and that nipple is more upward pointing where the left is almost straight on. Speaking of nipples, I know a lot of ladies have wondered how the nipples turn out when you've got an original areola incision from BA but opted to go under the breast for removal. So I'll include some photo's of what is happening to my original nipple scars. They are puckering in a bit without the implant pressed against them and it is noticeable to me. This only makes me happier that I chose not to go thru the original nipple incision cause I could only imagine how caved in it might get if that scar tissue there was messed with with a new incision! Of course, that might not have happened at all but it was such a fear of mine.

The quest for a perfect sports bra continues to be real, tiresome and depressing! I have taken the advice of all the wonderful ladies who have shared which bras worked for them. I've found & tried those on and probably, at this point 200 sports bras in numerous stores! I've purchased a few, thinking I could deal with them but after an hour or so ripped them off cause of the pain I got from them! Thank goodness I've left tags on & could return everything.

The problem I'm having is the band is way too tight at the middle, meanwhile my little bitty's are floating in the cups not giving me the compression I need and the arms straps are pulling down on my shoulders, which at this moment has had me hit a mental low cause of the pain. My shoulders hurt soooo bad and the pain is tugging into my neck and giving me massive migraines making me nauseous along with making my back hurt as well and left me thoroughly frustrated! And because my breasts are fluffing & getting a little bigger, the bralette and bandini I did find that worked for me are now tugging even more at the straps and I can't get them a next size up cause then my itty bitty's float. This has absolutely been the worst part! And yes, I did find the Genie Bra in CVS and that was also just as tight on me & felt like I was suffocating! The next size up was just too big.

I just feel so frustrated from the sports bra thing & the pain I'm having from the bras & just want to cry. I absolutely do not want to screw up the healing process cause I know I need compression to fluff properly but this is just....arrrgghhhhh!!!! I will be SO THANKFUL when the time is up that I do not need to wear a bra anymore! I have went into so many stores & tried on so many sports bras at this point to find "the one" that I think the ladies handing me the #'s at the fitting room must think I am crazy when I keep going back in with more! I'm just dealing with the shoulder & neck pain from these bandini's and bralette's and have even taken some Tylenol cause of it. I just feel so stupid & defeated, like why on earth do I seem like the only one who can't find one that is comfy for me???

Anyway, other than that I feel I'm doing ok. So, so glad they are finally out. Amazed at how my body is bouncing back. Because they are now so small I'm still having a bit of an adjustment seeing people I know & them seeing I suddenly have a smaller chest. Trying to hide it under scarves & such. Thought I wouldn't care, but the difference is so drastic, it's a little tough & I don't want to answer questions just yet about something I tried to hide under baggy clothes. Oh well. Still better than having those things in me!!

For anyone who is considering explant - DO IT! You will be so happy you did.

Three Weeks post explant & obsessed with the new me!

Yup, three weeks ago today I had my explant & I am now obsessed with my new boobies! Nope, they're still not full nor perky and can still use some boosting & filling out but I LOVE THEM!!! Every day I spend about 20 minutes looking in the mirror at them every which way, not believing that after all these years I am finally seeing the REAL ME; how I should have looked for all these years had I not made the stupidest mistake of my life 15 years ago. Kicking myself cause they'd look even better if I hadn't done the stupid surgery in the first place! It really is an awesome thing to continue to see daily changes & filling out and it's a wonderous thing to go thru and see your body change right before your eyes.

I'm also a little obsessed with cupping & feeling them as well. lol I admitted it. Well, my left one fits in my hand perfectly but as the skin continues to retract more on the right, that one is a bit smaller than a handful. It is just so awesome to feel YOU, to feel a REAL breast in your hand! Not that water balloon slooshy & ripply thing that I'd felt for so many years! Going from that super squishy jello feeling right after explant to a breast with substance & tissue is so awesome!

This also lead me to find something that had me concerned & calling my PS last week which resulted in a same day visit to him. In my right breast I found what felt like a harder egg shaped/sized lump or mass behind my breast but only about half inch think. I could manipulate it & make it vertical, so it pushed my nipple out. I was concerned & put in a call to my PS & they had me come in. So turns out the remaining capsule will get hard & shrink over time, before the body absorbs it and this was what I was feeling. I was so relieved it wasn't fluid building up or anything! And after a closer feeling of my left breast I found it was happening to that one as well, but not as obvious as the right was.

Now that I'm approved for scar strips, I also picked up some Bio Oil as well. You're not supposed to put Bio Oil on the incisions/scars right away; a few weeks after surgery is what all PS's recommend to give the incision time to heal. So now I'm using the strips and the oil. The massaging is great & just really makes you connect with your new (old) body in a way words can't describe. It's like you're finding yourself all over again. I also hope that by using the Bio Oil, I can work this shrinking capsule out so it gets softer and my body can absorb it faster. It also smells really good too! I'm trying it out on my laparascopic surgery scars on my belly button which are over five years old as well, to see how well it works & if it can get rid of those scars I've had too.

There's just such a sense of freedom & liberation from getting an explant done. Again I say - if you are thinking of it, then DO IT! I look back at the photo's of me with the implants & see now how incredibly gross, oversized and fake looking they really were on me. YUCK!!!

One Month After Explant

The puberty phase continues, even at one month after explant! Though I feel the fluffing and filling out part has slowed down a bit and what is happening more is my skin is retracting & smoothing out quite a lot. I can't believe how similar I look to pre-BA all those years ago; my results now are pretty darned close to what I once was. I decided to quit the Bio Oil for now & go back to the firming lotion for a bit only cause I still have very wrinkled and loose-skinned breasts when I put my arms up. Hoping that'll help with it, which the Bio Oil may not.

I have taken a break a few times this past week at night from wearing the sports bra (cause I needed a serious break after weeks of wearing it!) and oh, it felt like heaven!!! I did manage to find two Hanes wireless bras in size small that fit me well, otherwise I still haven't went and gotten officially measured or gone real bra shopping just yet. I know changes are still happening so I don't want to waste money on bra's that I may perhaps outgrow (wishful thinking on my part?? hah!) but it's doutful I'll outgrow a size small one.

I wish my health was getting better. I think it's wonderful that some women who suffered poor health from implants felt immediate relief after explant but for me - bleh. I'm still super tired & fatigued and sleeping like crazy and just the same ole, same ole that I went thru with them. Some days I think I feel worse than before. Well, I do have a serious illness to contend with so maybe it was silly of me to think I'd suddenly be miraculously cured of all my ailments. One thing I have noticed though is I have been having extremely vivid dreams, just dreaming of long forgotten things so clearly it's like I'm re-living moments of my childhood and life again. It's like some of the brain fog is lifting & the dreams have been interesting.

Otherwise - still loving and obsessed with my smaller boobies! I'll admit I do wish they were slightly bigger than they are (or were as big as the photo's make them look!) but I'm sure I still have some more fluffing & healing to go and I'm just learning to love the body I once had but hated. I can't believe it's only a month yet it truly feels like a lifetime ago that those implants were in me! They are quickly becoming a distant memory!!!

Finding inner peace almost two months after explant

I finally feel at peace with myself after all these years. It's a frustrating peace at times, but it is peace nonetheless as if a calm has washed over me.

Do I love my new, smaller asymmetrical breasts? Not necessarily, no. But do I love my (once more) NATURAL breasts? Oh heck YES!!!!!! It has just been wonderful to not feel those bags sloshing inside of me. To not feel the implants as they poke my skin, causing me pain and discomfort. To not feel the rippling that I had. To not have "boob sweat" under them as they stuck to me and were gross with sweat. And especially....to not stand there & look at them, or think multiple times each day as I felt them under my skin or the pain & think "I f'ing HATE these things & want them OUT!". I never ever have to do that again, and believe me I thought that many times every single day and kicked my own ass over & over for ever getting them in. I haven't ever thought to myself I hate my breasts since explant. I may not like that they are as small as they once were once again, but I DO NOT "hate" them anymore!! I think you have to go thru something to really appreciate what you had before.

I think society has really skewed our way of thinking. I had thought I was "flat" before implants. I realize now that I wasn't. I had cute, small, perky natural breasts. They weren't large but they also weren't flat by any means. I wish my younger self had realized that.

I sometimes go to the BA and BI reviews, and read the stories of the women getting implants. I don't comment, but I read. I read of women who feel they are flat, but are FAR from it; in fact some have larger breasts than I'd had but still consider themselves flat. And I think how perfect they look, and think to myself "oh please, please do not do it, do not touch those fantastic looking breasts of yours" knowing all too well the odds are pretty high that they may not like them over time or they will develop a problem or that they're simply going to end up as I am right now -which is wishing I'd do anything to take that surgery back, to regain those years of my life and to have loved my body and myself enough before I ever did it. To realize my breasts were such a small part of me (no pun intended) and that there was so much more to me than just them.

Thought to ponder: Natural isn't what a breast with an implant looks like. The natural breast is what lead us to get these things in the first place. Whether too small, too saggy, nipples too low, skin spent from breastfeeding, gravity as we age, etc, etc....those are all part of being natural. The only way to truly get the "natural look" is quite simply to stay natural! So when I read the women exclaiming "You look so natural!" I just shake my head and sigh. No sweetie, they look far from natural. Natural breasts aren't high, round and full like that. Matter of fact, I can pretty much spot that you've got implants from a mile away. But this is what society & the media has taught us! That a breast with an implant is now what a natural breast looks like! No, no, no! There is simply no such thing as a "natural" looking implanted breast no matter how small you go. True, some women's breasts look really great with implants - I won't argue that - but you can still tell that they are implanted.

But I get it. I do. I was one of those girls. I was super excited & nervous all at the same time that I was finally going to be having "breasts!" I simply could not wait! So yes, I know what it's like to be in their shoes & think life is going to change just SO MUCH for the better. For me - that was so wrong. I hid. I wore baggy shirts. I tried to hide them in every way I possibly could. In the end I simply could not stand these things I had wanted so badly. I read some women already saying they will not tell their parents or friends and will wear concealing clothing so as to not reveal their secret surgery. And I just sigh, thinking how it has already begun. I was in those shoes too. I thought I was going to get that massive confidence booster and feel like a "real woman" now that I'd have larger breasts and it sure played with my emotions but absolutely not in the positive way I expected. It was anything but. It turned into years of hiding them and my true self; not just from myself but also those closest to me.

I could never wear a V-neck shirt with the implants. It just looked funny to me & not right. And I can't tell you how much I LOVE wearing them now! They just look better on smaller chested girls. Or at least, on this one. I can't wait to re-discover all these things I've missed out on or had to pass up all cause my dirty little secret of having implants didn't allow me to.

Finding a bikini top to fit ended up being a breeze - FAR easier on me than my sports bra woes! lol Once I realized I wasn't an x-small top, but a small instead, it came down to finding the perfect one that I liked. I bought one in the store and then another online and lucky me, the one I bought online without trying on first ended up fitting perfectly. Even if my breasts are smaller, most tops have padding so I actually look like I've got more than I really do.

It's been quite a journey. A mind trip that's had it's ups & downs. A self-discovery of my body - a body I'd thought was lost and would never be found again. A self love. A self-acceptance. I am happy. Now if only I could have realized that 15 years ago and never done the worst and most stupidest thing in my life then I wouldn't have had all those years of grief and hating myself. I can't wait to see all the changes my breasts will continue to have over the next few months and what they'll look like in a year from now. Implants just never did for me all the positive things I thought they would. But for those who do have that - good, I am glad for you & wish you nothing but the best. I couldn't find it. And I'm so glad I never have to worry about them or spend countless hours thinking about them ever again. Freedom. I am free once more.

I'm also going to change my ID from GoingToBeMe (cause I've been there, done that) to Natural Now. It's what I now am once more.

p.s. Hugs without them really are THE BEST!!! Even if it's still clothing between you & the other person it really beats having some hard things in your chest being in the way of that intimate touch!

Got fitted & found out I'm a C cup! Oh my!

So I finally went to Nordstrom & got myself fitted properly. I wanted to give my breasts time to heal & get that initial fluff and filling out going on, so I figured right now where I'm close to two months post-explant is a good time.

I told the woman I just had my implants removed, had no idea what size I was but had tried on a few 32A's, thinking I was that cause I was so small. But, as I told her, with that size on I looked like someone who made a peanut butter & jelly sandwich but overfilled on the jelly and when the bread was pressed together, the jelly squeezed out the sides! She says to me: "Oh no, there is no way at all you are a 32A cause A cups are for those women who are really flat and have almost nothing and you most certainly have something!" She also said this while looking at me with my bralette still on (which makes me look rather flat) & could determine that.

She had gotten out her tape and measured my band and I am 25'' around. She tells me no way I'm a 32 either, I am a 30 band size....and a C cup at that!!!! What?!?! I was floored but also having this Eureka! moment like "of course, if I was busting out of the few sized bras I had tried; go down a band & up a few cups!" It all made perfect sense to me in that moment! And not only that, a lightbulb also went off as to why I had so much trouble finding a sports bra & was swimming in them; just cause sports bras aren't really made geared towards women my size! The sizes really start for women who are a 32A or bigger, so no wonder I was so uncomfortable and mis-shaped in all of them.

She goes & grabs the only 30C bra they had in the store, which was a Calvin Klein push up and we put it on me and oh ladies, it was incredible!! It was like this bra was custom made for me & I never ever, in my life have ever had a bra fit me so perfectly! The band felt good, my breasts were absolutely perfect in the cups while the wired part of the cups sat flush against my skin (and that boost the push up part gave was awesome looking!!!) and I do believe, for the first time in my life I had on the absolute right size & most perfect fitting bra. I always made the mistake of going to Victoria's Secret & I swear, those women had no idea what they were doing. I went to VS before implants, and with implants and nothing they ever had me put on fit right even after "sizing" me and this is why I was stuck going with sized small or medium bras; I never knew my true size & refused to wear bras that didn't fit or feel right when they swore it was my size! What a difference going to a certified, expert fitter makes!!!

So I passed on buying the bra, but took a picture of the tag as I was sure I could find it cheaper online. Now knowing my size I knew finding a bra in it in a store wouldn't be easy but I then happened to find a DKNY bra 30C (but not a push up this time) in another store and tried that on. Again - perfection! I hated the color though, so I took a picture of that tag as well so I could find it online. At this point I couldn't stop grinning, knowing I'd found my size for sure if two bras in it fit me perfect.

And I did indeed, find both bras online cheaper and in colors I like. So I've ordered them & can't wait til they arrive! I figure I'm stopping at those two for now as my breasts are still changing, so I don't want to go crazy buying bras when my size could possibly change again.

While searching for my size online, I found an excellent blog from a woman (who is my size & why I stumbled on it) on how to properly get your size and how so very many women are walking around in the wrong bra size, and why. I highly recommend the read! I love that she points this out, because this is the exact frustrating thing that I had done to myself: "Most petite women with a smaller bust automatically think they are an "A" cup because that's what we were told. When in actuality, some smaller busted women are really B, C and even D cups but with smaller bands sizes.".

http://www.stylishpetite.com/2013/05/review-petite-friendly-bras-little-bra.html

I'm sorry that I've made finding my bra size so long winded but I am so darned happy & excited at this moment, you have no idea!!! Here I'm thinking my breasts are small (and they are) but at the same time, I am rocking a C cup with them!!! I don't care if the band has to be small, I am a C cup, and naturally at that! How awesome is that?! I never imagined this could be possible! And while it still might be a "small" C cup, it's still a C cup & if anyone ever dares rudely comment or make fun of these small natural boobies of mine ever again I'll be like "Oh no, those are C cups under this shirt, try again!" hahaha! I so wish I'd went to Nordstrom or a professional bra shop all those years ago and gotten properly measured before implants so I really knew what true size I was then because now I am really curious. But I'm just elated right now with my C's, if you can't already tell! :)

Two Months Post Explant!

Time flies! I am still doing good. I get the occasional twinge of pain now & then and at times they can still be a little sore and tender for no apparent reason (but I know I'm still healing so that's why). About two weeks ago, I noticed the skin on my breasts was shedding & just flaking off all over me. It only lasted a few days so I guess that was part of the skin retraction process. I haven't read anyone else mentioning their skin shed though. I'm so glad I took pictures along the way cause I can see my breasts are still changing. With them so wide apart, I have natural side boob anyway but can tell I have even more from one month post thanks to the photo's I took. So they are still changing & healing for me! Also, the dramatic upper pole on my right breast has gotten so much better & smoothed out nicer than it was. Now the left looks dramatic on me!

My bras showed up and I am in love. I have just never had any fit so well or make me feel so good in them! Not before implants & certainly not with them! However, I am still wearing a supportive non-wired bra daily and will only wear the ones with wires when I feel like I want a boost under my shirts. I know my incisions are still healing so I want to go easy on them. I'm going to post a pic of my CK push up bra. Ladies, this is how a bra should fit you! Little to no gap in the shoulder strap; nice smooth & flush breasts in the cups; no extra skin or breast popping out the fronts or sides of the cups and the wire part of the cup flush against your skin. If your bra doesn't fit you this good & perfect like this then you are wearing the wrong bra size! Your body has just been thru quite an ordeal, so go get professionally measured in due time (and not at VS!) and get yourself fitted in the proper sized bra for you. Don't guess at your size, you will only frustrate yourself trying on bras that will never fit right....trust me! lol I was so off base with my guessing, it wasn't even funny.

Wishing all you lovely ladies lots of courage & faith and wonderful healing as you go on your own journey!

Three Months Post Explant

So the time leading up to the explant seemed to take foreverrrrr. Meanwhile it took another member who messaged me, reminding me it was 3 months & asked for an update. OK, so time after explant really does fly!!

I'm still doing great. I still LOVE being natural! Since it has been quite hot lately, I especially love that my entire body is warm! No more coldness in my breats & chest area, no matter how warm it is outside. My skin has shed & flaked off on my breasts again. I still haven't read about any other women talking about this but I'm definitely thinking it's from the skin retracting! I can still feel the hardened capsules inside of me; especially when I lean over and grip my breats from the sides. I don't know when they're supposed to "absorb into the body" and become soft & not noticeable but I can still feel mine. I have regained more sensation in my nipples, especially the right one & hello...I haven't felt those feelings in a while!!! lol I know some sensation will be lost forever but I was thrilled to find more came back.

I have gained weight. And for me, this is a biggie. I was a decent weight when they were put in, but then it dropped and I never could gain it back. And boy did I struggle to get it back but to no avail. So far I've gained a bunch but am still 2lbs shy of the number I'd like to be again. So being as how I am finally gaining weight again, and keeping it on, I know my metabolism must have gotten all screwed up from them. I know a lot of women gain weight with them, but for me I lost it. And it is ever joyous to be putting it back on! And even more so when people notice "hey, you look like you've gained some weight!" and I start beaming that they've noticed. Although I can tell you, those who know I had the explant say while they can tell I've gained weight, they also feel I look as if I look skinnier, especially in the chest area. You don't realize how overall larger they do make you look.

That leads me to clothing....putting on my summer shirts & all those size medium ones I had to accommodate the implants, no longer fit. Just too big & look ridiculous. Either that or the neck area is REALLY stretched out & looks absurd on me. I never realized my shirts were actually stretched out with the implants in. So needless to say, I have done some shopping for summer tops in size small that fit properly! And here I'd always thought "I didn't go too big"....well, my clothing says otherwise!

I am wearing things that are now much more suitable for me, now that I am so proportionate. I can not tell you ladies how incredibly sexy I feel for the first time ever! Even if I'm just in a plain t-shirt where it makes me look like I have no chest. I have this air of confidence about me, feel so sexy & so sure of myself! I just feel whole, and feel free and feel wonderful....me....all natural, all me. I didn't ever think I could feel this sexy with smaller breasts, but I do! My body, mind and soul are so much happier with them out.

9 Months Later!

Hello ladies! I can't believe it's been 9 months already! It was this time last year that I started to seriously contemplate making explant a reality. My PS had said my breasts would return to about 80% of what they looked like before implants, and I have to say I think he was right. I can't help but wonder how my breasts would have looked naturally on their own, over time, and if this sag I see is "from age" or if it was the implant stretching or what. I feel like I've robbed myself of knowing how my natural body would have looked as it aged. Regardless.....I am happy....very, very happy they are gone. I still, from time to time, feel the slightest twing of pain, pain like I'd had with implants. Though I have to say as the months have gone by, it's gotten less and is very infrequent now. I can still feel the capsules in there. I don't feel they've gotten smaller at all, and I think when the PS's say it absorbs into your body, that is BS. It might adhere to your body, but absorb & disappear? Nope, not for me. Nipple sensitivity has increased & is slightly more than with implants. My breasts just feel and look so different to me from the time I explanted til now, and even now still continue to change. I am warm all the time - no more cold bags slapping against my chest, no matter what season it was! I'm still shocked that I had so much breast tissue hiding under those implants & am rocking a C cup naturally. One thing that has me super joyful is that my weight has gone up since I've removed them. Oh, what happy tears of joy I cried when I stepped on that scale & saw three digits! I haven't seen that since....well, since just after I had those damned things put inside of me. I realize I'm in the minority & most women tend to gain weight with implants, but for me I lost it. Right after they were in me. And never could gain weight, no matter what or how much I ate. So needless to say I am over the moon now each time I step on that scale & see three digits (and it continues to go up)! So for any women out there who may have the problem I had - there is hope that you can be at a healthy weight again. Just oh so very, very happy and free....free from ever worrying if my implants were overly noticeable under my clothes & free from thinking about my breasts every second and hiding them. Happy Holidays ladies & best wishes for a New Year and for your own journey's! Do it. Do it, do it, do it. And have patience. Lots of it. :)
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