MTF Gender Affirmation Surgery (GRS SRS) with Dr Ives in Australia

4 months have now passed and I have some updates / developments. Firstly I’m happy to report the odour has completely gone. Dr Ives said sometimes bacteria in wounds can smell a bit, but will pass as it heals. Which it did!
I raised some concern with him about the large size of my cliterious and he said it was something he actually wanted to talk to me about. He thinks it would be good to get me back in for a quick day surgery to get it back up under my hood. However he wants to wait 3 months first. I’m happy with that though not sure how much this is going to cost me. I’ve been thinking about this and plan on talking to him about some additional cosmetic changes I would like. Granted I’m a bit over weight at the moment but I feel my lips are a bit too big (you can see a large camel toe in all my undies and bikini). This might be my own fault because prior to surgery I said I was terrified of just having a hole and no lips. I will aim to loose some weight to see if it improves. If it doesn’t I plan on discussing changing this in the same surgery. I did ask Dr Ives for photos of his work before surgery but all the photos are from down under looking straight up the hoo har. I would have really liked to see some traditional standing photos too to get an idea of what it would look like if someone walks in on me in the shower. I’m currently feeling self conscious of this view of it but have no reference to compare it too.
Lastly I would like to talk about post surgery blues.. I think only yesterday I realised I’m a really down about it all after catching up with a friend who hadn’t seen me post op. She was all excited and wanted to know everything but I caught myself getting teary about it and wanting to change the subject. Maybe I just had really unrealistic expectations. I’ll discuss them with my doctor and psychologist but I feel I’ve gone down hill after surgery. I’ve put on 10kg since, don’t want to go out anymore, can’t orgasm which I miss dearly and I really wanted to start dating this year too but feel too self conscious of my large (vagina) lips. Some of this is in my control and just need to snap myself out of this negative mindset but major surgery can really give you a shake up. I definitely need some help and will be going to see my psychologist.

Wow is the time flying by! My life has now very much returned back to normal except for no exercise allowed yet (other than walking). Getting up in the morning takes me allot longer with my extra vagina chores and it’s starting to get pretty old fast. Having to dilate for 30 mins, deal with any excess lube dripping from the hoo hah situations, wash the dilator, then salt bath before a shower can make for a very rushed morning when trying to meet friends for brunch or get to work. The struggle is real when you contemplate skipping dilation and sleeping for another 40 mins. However I’m forcing myself to be strict and want to give my vagina no chances of loosing depth because of my laziness. The actual act of dilating is not uncomfortable or painful, it’s just a repetitive pain in the ass! Maybe if it felt good I would be happier doing it.
My ‘slough’ issue is definitely clearing up and I’m happy to report some slight sensation has returned to my clitoris. Not in the happy time feelings unfortunately but more of the pain type feelings. Ive noticed that if I sit cross legged or touch it it hurts slightly. However, I’ll take pain over nothing at this point.
Also something new... it smells! For a while there it smelt really feminine and I was totes into it.. but now it’s taken a turn for the worse and I swear to god I can smell it through my jeans!!! It’s way worse than any smell I’ve smelt from that region in my life. Here’s the kicker, I’m actually a clean person, I shower regularly, I’m having 2 salt baths a day, hardly sweat yet it still smells like rotten flesh. So unfair. I see Dr Ives next week and keen to talk to him about it. That is, if it doesn’t knock him out first...

It’s been 2 weeks since my check in with Dr Ives and I’m starting to get concerned with two things. The first being I’ve noticed my clitoris has been turning from a red/pink colour to this yellow/white colour (see photo). Secondly, my clitoris has no feeling or sensation what so ever. I can pinch it and feel absolutely nothing. If I push on it, I can feel the pressure behind it but not on it (maybe imagine a small stone stuck in your skin... like that). I knew the risks and one of them was the clitoris can loose blood supply and die. At the time of hearing that, it was easy to think “oh that will never happen to me” but now I have this heavy sinking feeling that my clitoris might actually be dying.

I rang Dr Ives rooms and they told me to email in a picture of it for him. This is the very high res photo I took to send to Dr Ives. I got a timely response the next morning and was so relieved to hear this is normal. The white coloured skin is actually something called ‘slough’ and I’d never heard of it nor was it in the vagina instructions you get sent home with. It’s a natural body response to open wounds and isn’t really ideal. Dr Ives told me to keep up the salt baths to address it and rub it gently to get the ‘slough’ off. I actually upped my min baths from 2 to 3 a day and for 15mins duration instead of 10.

As for the sensitivity he said this can sometimes take time to come back. To be honest this has been hard to deal with mentally. It’s easy for me to get all teary thinking I might never orgasm again. I’ve since done more research on this subject and there is such a vast array of results for others it’s hard to tell where I’ll end up. Some claim they have sensitivity from day one and others claim it took them a whole year before they could climax. It’s just way to early in the game for me to tell I guess. The point is now I understand you can’t expect to cut and move a part of your body and expect it to be just as sensitive as before. None the less, I’ll keep you updated on my sensitivity progress.