50+ Years Old and Knew It Was Time to Do Something - Minneapolis, MN

My entire adult life and sense of physical self has been dominated by my chest size. As I aged, my breasts became less of an asset and more of a joke and embarrassment. After years of thinking I had to just put up with it all, I realized that the aches and pains and shame and frustration were a viable reason to take action. I also realized that, just like the company said, "I AM worth it."

Like so many others, my chest size has been part of my self identify. As Bette Midler once quipped, I feel like at my birth, the newspaper could have said "Baby born with 42 inch chest". Actually, I was pretty normal and didn't develop until early adolescence, but when I did...! At first, it was part of who I was: I wasn't known as the 'pretty one', I was the funny side kick or the clever student who relied more on my wit and smart response instead of any thing remotely feminine. Oddly enough, because I was so big chested, I didn't feel feminine in a pretty sort of way; my sense of being female was more influenced by the societal way of using one's bosom to be sexual. I really believe that has influenced how I see myself as female.
Okay, then life happened: I could go into the details but there isn't enough space and frankly, that's not why you're all reading this (except I do want to seriously say this: I lived most of my 20s through my 40s as someone who accommodated my life for others' lives; catastrophic changes led to me being where I am today: 54 and working hard to live a true and authentic life for myself first and foremost).
My whole journey to this point has been a long one psychologically, but in terms of the actual "okay, let's make an appointment and DO this thing" seems a bit whirlwind. I went in for my annual mammogram and I thought why not ask them if they know of anyone I could speak with about a possible procedure. As someone else on this site commented, it's not like a breast clinic wouldn't see a fair number of chesticles (love that word) and would no doubt be able to offer a referral. The nurse guide spoke with me and suggested Midwest Plastic Surgery--right in the same building as the breast clinic as well as my ob/gyn, so that made things simple. Got an appointment that same week (March 27) and before I knew it: game on. After answering a few questions during intake and meeting the surgeon, I was told that my insurance carrier (Health Partners) would cover my surgery due to its medical need and the amount of reduction that would occur. Compared to many others' stories I have read on Real Self, I count myself very, very lucky. But I plan on triple checking just to make sure.
And so now I have just under 3 weeks to get my proverbial sh*t in order. Thankfully, I came across this organization and have gained a great deal of knowledge as well as insight and confidence into not only this procedure...but the myriad needs for wanting it done. I am NOT alone and for that, I am so truly very grateful to you all.

Reading the reviews of others as well as taking note of the side conversations that result has put me in a contemplative mood (warning: this may turn into a rant or a pity party...or both).

First, I asked my S.O. (at 54 years old, I can't bring myself to say 'boy friend' but we are not married and partner sounds so...clinical, so Significant Other will have to do for now) tonight about how he felt about "it" all and pretty much got the standard guy response--supportive but, you know, yeah, you'll feel better, but you should do what you feel is right... He is an engineer and he admits that this is how he sees most things: practically and pragmatically. After prodding and being upfront about saying what I am going to need during this time (at this stage of my life and with my track record, I have learned that it is better to be clear and direct and not wait for Nora Ephron to write the script for your conversations), he finally admitted that he felt like he might be facing a trap: he did not want to say that having a reduction would improve my figure because he didn't want to make me feel he didn't care for my figure in the first place, but he also didn't want to say having it done wouldn't matter because he didn't want to sound like he didn't support me in this. And it was very edifying and helpful to have him admit this. I told him that it was important to me to have his support in all its various guises (but, being an engineer and not prone to bouts of romantic folly as am I) I also said I would need the occasional hug during this emotionally precarious time. We agreed that he would do that for me and that I would need to understand that part of the way he coped was to think like an engineer ('Doing this will make you feel better, so there is every reason to have this done'). I think we still need to talk about some of it so that I don't have what will obviously be an emotional time exacerbated by any misunderstandings, but it was a start. So there's that.

I have gone shopping for bras and button front tops these past couple of days; tops are fairly easy to source, but the bras are giving me a challenge. I look at the ones without underwire and with a measly C or D cup and I just cannot fathom myself wearing one of them... plus, none are front fastening, so I need to keep searching. I am narrowing down the choices for the 'investment' bras, based on the feedback and commentary found on the RS reviews, but it's those after-the-fact ones that I will need to wear from about the second or so month onward that I am looking for. I have plenty of time, but being a Capricorn, I like to be prepared.

That's another thing: preparing for food, cleaning and all the rest of it for my first week or two post-op. I know from reading everyone's reviews that my appetite will be lessened but that I will need to eat something that is to help me with rest and recovery, so I need to prep all of that out. I also want to ensure I have thought about all of my other needs and placed things so that it will not be detrimental to my recovery to access them. Why is it, then, that I am feeling so overwhelmed by it all that I just don't do any of it? I am waiting for this coming weekend to put some of it together and will finalize everything the weekend after that (the weekend before my surgery on May 9). I also have to make sure that all of my lessons are in order (I am a teacher--and this is a busy time of year as one can imagine) so I am feeling a bit stressed out at the enormity of it all. Trying to 'chunk' it out bit by bit but every now and then the waves hit me.

Is it weird to just want someone to cluck and fuss over you? I feel so selfish thinking this way because after all, it's not like I am having some sort of procedure to save my kidneys or because of cancer... My partner thought my discussion of it was me 'freaking out' about it all, but I tried to tell him that it was rather normal to be caught up in thinking about something that could radically alter the way you felt about yourself. He replied that it was hard for him to truly empathize because there really was no male equivalent for such an experience (his analogy was a guy going from having a sporty race car to driving a van...after I gave him The Look, he conceded it was a sh*t analogy but pointed out that part of him just was incapable of truly understanding what I was going through).

Good Godfrey, this did turn into a pity rant...but I'm not going to delete it because I need to address it and this is a great forum for helping me work though these feelings. So, thank you, RS community, for allowing me the opportunity.

If you are healing, then peace and love to you. If you are preparing for May like me, then I send you even more peace and love as you continue toward your surgery date and is beyond.

Lozza