50+ Years Old and Knew It Was Time to Do Something - Minneapolis, MN

I promised to compare the photo of me pre surgery in one of my button blouses (that never really fit) with me in it post surgery. I am also rather grateful and pleased at how the incisions are healing overall. There is some braiding a bit under the left one where I had the bleeding and the outside on the right under my armpit is wider and thicker than I would like, but as my SO keeps reminding me, no one will see it but the two of us and HE is pretty happy with it all...

Here's something funny: I didn't even realize that it was two months today until the SO pointed it out. That tells you how far I've come: I no longer measure things out in days or even weeks post op because I am actually living my life.

At two months, I am really coming into the mindset of feeling like this is who I am; Peediewife said in another reply post that the person/shape she is now is who she really is, not the busty broad she was before her surgery. I rather feel like that. As I've mentioned before, I no longer do double takes when seeing myself in a reflection, but in fact am truly starting to accept the shape I have. It helps when the SO will remark out of the blue about 'yes, the surgery was a really good choice for you' or 'it was the right decision' and things like that. I am also noticing that I am engaging more in life without the preface of 'I am the person who had a breast reduction', as in "I am post breast reduction and I am going out to lunch" or "I am post breast reduction and I am going to the shops" or whatever. Occasionally I am meeting up with people who have not seen me since the surgery and they of course will comment (always positively and kindly) and I have to think: oh, yes, I had that done. What I mean is this: for weeks prior and for weeks post, every part of my life was linked to the surgery. All the weeks of anticipation and wondering and worrying and then afterward, the days and then weeks of physical and then mental and psychological recovery...you can't help it, you are living and breathing it.

Yet, just as I didn't want to be defined by my large breasts prior to the BR, I now find I don't want to define myself by having had this procedure. I am grateful for it, oh yes, am I ever! And I am thankful all the time. But it is not the guise or persona through which I am living my life, which I think is positive and the right way to be in my recovery. I mean, I had a full hysterectomy/oophorectomy three years ago and I don't define myself by my lack of reproductive organs!

That said, the change means having to change how I perceive myself and how I perceive myself amongst others. When I had the hysterectomy et al, I was far beyond childbearing time in my life, so the loss would not have been as emotional for me as it would for someone who was still at a point in her life where children w/could be an option. And regardless of the age, a woman's breasts are a way that shape our sense of femininity (for more on this diatribe, please see earlier posts!). Maybe it is because I am past 50 years old and society doesn't really 'see' me anymore anyway that this is easier for me to work through. For those younger woman in their teens, 20s and even 30s, society still considers you vibrant and engaged, so the change in your perception of yourself after a BR would be different to my experience in that regard. Please know I am not 'dissing' middle aged women; my point is that there are other 'social signals' that let us know we are not as...important (c'mon--when was the last time you saw someone over the age of 25 in a lingerie ad? or a perfume campaign--Isabella Rosselini was cut from Lancome when she hit her forties...). I am really enjoying, appreciating and celebrating the liberation from that burden, though--there are many barriers that women need to remove and one that I see changing is the age barrier.



Wow...I went pretty far on that one, didn't I? Okay, so getting back to my boobs...at two months on, there are still physical pains (every now and again the electric shock of nerves reconnecting; the ache after a long day; incision sensitivity) and sometimes even a down day emotionally (my tummy looks more pronounced, now I am paying attention to those spider veins in my legs, will someone please hike up my jowls?!) and psychologically (why won't my guy touch my breasts???). But at this point, I still know what I did was the best thing in the world, yes I wish I'd done it earlier but I did it now and that's great, and I am so enjoying rediscovering me.

So a week after I noticed the slight bleeding, it has subsided somewhat but not completely gone away. While I am no longer as concerned as I was at first, I am still not happy about it; I am also noticing more pain not only along that part of the incision, I am also feeling more pain-slash-discomfort on the ends of the incisions under the arms. Has anyone else felt incision pain so long after surgery?

One of the things I am feeling positive about is the way I look and (psychologically) feel: I have been buying some tops and things that I would NEVER have looked at prior to the surgery! I have actually been OUT IN PUBLIC WITHOUT A BRA! There is a consignment store that I love and I recently got a Michael Kors silk top: gorgeous colors and a cut that gathers around the neck, bearing one's shoulders (AND I got it for $16, thank you very much). I wore it to a meeting this past week sans brassiere and felt really comfortable in it. I am not teeny, as you can tell by the pictures; I would say I am probably a 38 C (large) or possibly a D, but I look in proportion. More importantly, I feel confident.