Mom of 2...droopy and Saggy! - Melbourne, FL

I'm 39, 5'3 and a little overweight. I am getting a tummy tuck with muscle repair, lipo on flanks, breast lift and a slight reduction to even the girls out. I work out regularly with cardio, strength training and recently added pole dance to my repertoire! I have 2 girls, ages 12 and 8. I gained 65 pounds with both pregnancies. It took me 3 years to lose it the first time and I've been struggling to get the last 20-40 pounds off since my youngest was born. My weight has yo-yo'd over the past 8 years and now it seems I'm stuck at this weight. No amount of protein shakes, egg whites, salads, pilates or cardio is going to get this droopy roly-poly stomach off of me. Don't get me started on how droopy and saggy my ta-ta's are...haha.

I had my initial consultation a year and a half ago. Initially, I went in for implants and a lift. I thought if I kept up my routine at the gym my stomach would shrink off. I was working out 2 hours per day, 5-6 days per week with a very clean diet. I ended up taking a position as a flight attendant and I was unable to take off of work for surgery.

I ended up leaving that position and my fabulous Fiance said now is my time. I don't have to work, I have help with the kids and I have time to take care of myself for once. Finally. I am excited and scared at the same time. My emotions are super high since I only have 2 sleeps until surgery. I keep imagining being able to shop for bikinis without worrying if it will cover my porky belly. I still wear bikinis on vacation but I'm always very self conscious. I feel like one pieces accentuate the pork chop belly so I can't wear those at all. I keep looking at bandage dresses and imagine how much more fun getting dressed will be on vacations from now on.

I'm excited for myself and my results, scared of actual surgery, I have mommy-guilt, I'm not too worried about the recovery. I'm getting an Exparel shot and from all of the reviews I have read it is fabulous. So, I have a lot of emotions and I'm hoping to find support on here.

Let me start by saying Dr. Diaz and his nurse Freddy are the best. They are both so caring and gentle and kind. The best bedside manner. I don't give compliments freely, but these guys are awesome.

With that said, this surgery is the worst decision I've made. Not because of the Dr. he did a great job and everything is fine. But personally I wish I hadn't done it. I wasn't prepared for the pain. I was prepared for some pain but it was the most excruciating thing I've been through. To me it doesn't matter how good I look in a bathing suit. I just want to be mobile and be able to live my life.

Thursday I couldn't walk without crying. The antibiotics made my chest burn terribly. Yesterday was much better I could get around without crying. Today I thought I was doing well but the back pain from being hunched over is unbearable. All I did was wash my hands, brush my teeth and I couldn't finish washing my face because I hurt so badly.

Why the hell would I pay so much money to destroy my body and put myself in so much pain? I ask myself over and over again. I just want relief and I just want to be normal again. Who cares what you look like in your bathing suit. Just be happy and enjoy your life. I wish I was doing that right now but instead I'm stuck on this chair, with drains, unable to do anything.

I'm super frustrated, angry, lonely and just miserable.

I had a lot going on today. I was very itchy under my binder and thankfully I have a tank top between my skin and binder. Took antihistamine and it worked but I've been asleep most of the day. I was super bummed out due to lower back pain. I can't brush my teeth and wash my face in the same standing, I have to do it in 2 separate sessions.

Right now I have zero pain, just some itch. My Fiance has been making me delicious snacks and taking very good care of me. I'm just tired of feeling tired and helpless. I'm sleeping in a lift chair which is awesome, I have a walker and a lifted toilet. All of these things have made my life so much better. My Fiance says it's too soon for me to say I wish I hadn't done the surgery. He says I look really good, but I'd rather have my mobility and health. I'd rather be hanging out, enjoying a glass of wine and sleeping in my own bed tonight. I miss being a normal person.

Here are some before pics...2 months pre-op. I work out a lot and for the most part eat healthy. I do enjoy wine and rum, especially on vacation and dessert treats. My body looks like I eat fast food every day and I never stepped foot in a gym.

Just left my Dr. appt. got 1 drain taken out, 2 to go. Dr. is pleased with my healing results. I saw my tank top laying on my flat stomach, it was surreal. I didn't want to look at anything because of the bruising/cuts, etc. I looked at my pic when I came home and just started crying. I can not believe I have a flat stomach. I know I'm swollen and I wasn't even expecting such good results right away.

Let me tell you about my boobs...my left one especially would fall under my arm when I took my bra off. Now it just stays up. They are so cute and up!!! Dr. was concerned because he wanted my nipples smaller, they look small enough to me in the pic. I like a larger areola...so sexy. I'm glad he wasn't able to get them any smaller.

My fiance is making me insane. He's super stressed over everything. I asked him to send me some pics and it was like I asked I him to move the earth on his own free will. He said he needs counseling after dealing with this surgery. Guess it's hard not having the world revolve around him...(insert laughing emojis)

Other than that I'm pain free. I got a little motion sickness in the car. I have some discomfort in my stomach, but no worse than a good workout feels. My lower back hurts if I try to stand for too long. Oh, I finally pottied (#2) yesterday and it was phenomenal. Also, when the drains come out HOLY SHIT it hurts.

Just adding some pics...

It's almost 2 am and I'm leaving my 10th day and going into my 11th day post op. I had something in here earlier but the page froze and I fell asleep, so...

Again a HUGE shout of to Dr. Diaz and his nurse Freddy...they are a fabulous team. I love how many post-op visits I have. I love that they change my bandages and give me all of my supplies so there's no guess work on my end. From my vitamins and supplements, to post op cream, personal cell number...I really couldn't have asked for a better place to have this done.

Today was my first shower...YAY! When Dr. Diaz practiced in Miami he let his patients shower with drains but he said there is something in our water here that is very unsafe and it would make me super sick if it got in any wounds. He told me the name of it and of course I can't remember. I didn't mind waiting after I heard that.

My lift chair has been the best thing ever. I started in the living room for the first week but my fiance moved it into the bedroom now that my mom and kids are here. I've been sleeping like a log. I could probably sleep in bed now but we have a low, asian style bed and if I need to get up quickly it would't happen. Also, my fiance is a wild sleeper. It's probably safer for me to be in my own area.

I know I'm feeling better because I started thinking about sex yesterday. Ugh, it's been forever and my nurse told me I have to wait another week or 2. Torture!!! We fooled around last night a little last night, which was phenomenal but I had to stop b/c I was worried about my stomach muscles contracting. UGH!!! I'm ready to resume that part of my life.

Goodnight :)

Quick update...I've been off pain pills since week 2. Not by choice but my Dr said that was it for me. I was alternating between motrin and tylenol every 4 hours up until week 3. I was taking 800 mg motrin every 6 hours. Over the weekend it dwindled down to twice a day and this morning when I woke up I DID NOT NEED ANY! I was so shocked. Normally when I wake up I have pressure or muscle tightening. Nothing today!!!

My upper ab swelling has gone down a little...but I still look puffier than most at this stage. Since I'm off pain meds it's hard for me to look in the mirror at myself. The drugs made it bearable. Now I hate seeing the cuts and scars and deformities on my body. I took a shower tonight and I glanced down at my side and saw where the scar end and it looks so ugly and deformed. I know I'm still healing but I don't want to see my body like this.

My breasts have healed fine, thankfully. I have a small section of my tt incision that opened. They checked it to make sure it wasn't an internal stitch, there's no swelling, and it's not infected. The nurse said it should be healed within 2 weeks. He took dead skin off of it twice and he said it's healthy tissue.

I tried drinking red wine, which I love. I got the worst headache so I won't be drinking wine again for several more weeks.

They say to wait 4 weeks before judging if this surgery was worth it. So far, it's not. I was far from perfect, looked awful in a bikini...but I was alive. I was living my life and enjoying it. I miss working out, I miss my pole classes. I want to swim, I want to go to the beach, I've missed both of my kids open houses at school. I just want to be regular again. I miss my old life so much. I'm still not standing straight because my stomach is so tight. I was told I'm able to but I just can't. I'm still in my phase 1 binder because I don't feel safe without it. I'm still sleeping on my lift chair and it's being picked up tomorrow. My bed is too low for me to get out of by myself. My fiance has to physically pull me out of bed. He leaves for work 3 nights per week so I have to sleep in my living room when he's not home.

All in all, I did this to feel better about myself and to look better. I'm going to have a long way before I look half decent in anything between the swelling and the scar and dog ears.

I am 4 weeks 2 days post op. I saw my drain holes the other day and couldn't believe how gross they are. It's in my mons area which it's hard to tell because I'm so swollen and hairy. I am disgusted. Are they going to close and go back to normal skin? I get brazilian waxes and I'm always hairless from my belly button down. I was prepared for the hip to hip scar but this has me over the edge.

I wish I write something besides complaints but I'm so done with this recovery. I'm tired of being tired, I'm sick on my binder, I'm tired of crying when I look in the mirror. I have turned into the most annoying, whiny person I know. I would give anything to have my old body and self back.

I have been cleared to walk a mile outside every day, but it's hot. I'm in Florida and it's 86 right now but feels like 96. I. AM. MISERABLE.

So I just sit and wait. Wait for things to get better. Wait to recover. Wait to feel human again. Wait to feel beautiful again. Wait to live again.

I've had to post pone my wedding. I can't imagine I'll be ready to honeymoon in 8 weeks with all of this swelling and these disgusting holes on my body.

Worst mistake of my life.

I'm 5 weeks and 1 day. Today was my first time changing my bandage on my open incision by myself. I was forced to look in the mirror for a bit of time to make sure everything was covered. I found my old belly button (gag) My Dr. said he'd remove it if there was enough skin and I didn't think to ask if he was able to or not. I found it above my incision...it looks so gross! I can even see the old piercing scar. I am so grossed out. I don't know if I should laugh or cry...

I have decided not to postpone the wedding. My fiance said why would I make a long term decision based on something that's short term. He's right. I just feel sad because I wanted to look fabulous and expected to back to normal with my energy and fun. I also wanted to be wearing tiny, white bikinis and tight dresses. He said we can have more than 1 honeymoon, so what's the problem. I'm so glad he's so sweet. I don't know why I'm so hard on myself.

I'm going to try to be more kind to myself. I don't know why I expect perfection...I'm 39.5, have given birth twice, nursed my fabulous girls. I have to stop expecting my 21 year old body back. I may not be perfect, but the surgery helped make things better. My breasts are more even. Yes, I wish they were perkier and more full but that's the best they can be. My stomach pouch is gone, and that was my biggest annoyance. I'm going to try to enjoy my time on the sofa resting and healing.