YAY!!! 450cc Saline Unders, through Areola ( @ )( @ ) - Los Angeles, CA

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This is my first post to this blog. A blog about a...

This is my first post to this blog. A blog about a most dynamic journey in my life to find myself. I have spent to many years giving to so many and to have nothing left in return but angst and regret. It is now MY time to treat MYSELF. I plan to get 400-450cc textured saline implants under the muscle and through the nipple.

So Many Choices...

So now the actual research begins. I have Dr. Edween as my choice but that is not set in stone. I have devised a list of all the surgeons in my area in MY price range and there are quite a few. I have made a decision on the type of implants I would like. I would like to have moderate profile, textured, 400-450 saline implants placed under the muscle with a periareola incision. I hope this will get me to a moderate "D" cup from my barely there b cup, which I actually think is a "A" cup but I am too afraid to ask.
I guess now is getting over the mind jitters. >_<
I have 2 young girls who I want to have a positive self image. I am hoping my decision will not make them feel less than beautiful. I also worry about the money. I know I could spend this on college money for them, or a new car, or a move. Is it right to spend this money now? If not now, then when? I don't think it will ever be a time when I will have $$$ to just blow away but I feel like this is something important to me.

Isn't that part of our problem? We work and toil and yet we feel guilty for taking care of ourselves. I KNOW this is my time. Over the last year, I have overcome dibilitating depression, alcohol abuse, graduated college and started a small business. All while keeping a home and raising my children. I got lost for a long time but I am bak and better than ever! I think this will only amplify that confidence to the World.

I will keep updating you with pictures and videos very soon. :) #teamboobsrbust

Hmmmm Saline Or Silicone? Pros and Cons

Its so funny, I keep walking by my mirror and poking my chest out. lol. Its like when I was pregs. and wanted to see how my belly would look. I have started getting my questions together. It seems I'm all over the place. I have places in Tustin, Newport Beach, Bev. Hills and more to look at. I want to make sure I get the right size for the right amount. I hate to haggle over price but lets get real, unless you married Prince Charming, U gotta look at price. I have a cool $4-4500 to spend without driving myself to ruins. There are surprisingly a lot of options in that price range in California. I am glad I found RealSelf.com as they allow users to comment and rate the doctors, so you get a REAL opinion instead of a "paid" one.

So lets get into my choices. I believe if I am going to write about this journey then it should be informational as well. So I will talk about my choice to go with saline implants over silicone. I stayed on the fence about my decision about implant type for a long time. But after research and a little help from a loved one, I made my decision with confidence. Like going to a grocery store, you should have a idea of what you want before you get there. I compared online and even researched on Youtube to get the answers I desired. I decided on saline due to my financial restrictions and also that I would feel more comfortable with a saline water dissipating into my system if there were ever a rupture. I also like the fact that a saline implant doesn't require such a large incision. Silicone implants are filled and ready to go. So, they must be placed through a larger incision such as through the armpit or under the crease. Saline Implants are filled after they are placed into the body. They can be placed through the nipple which allows for the scar to be less visible. Saline implants can also be custom filled. So maybe you want them to be squishy, then you can get a half fill or 3/4 full. If you want to make them firm and tight then ask for an overfill. So as you can see, For me, The saline implant was the way to go. Also, I worked in a lab and don't ask why but my professor had 1 implant they had just gotten that was about 2 years old. Then there was one that was 10-12 years old. It was appalling. It was the color of tree bark and looked like a hardened mass of chewed bubble gum. It was super hard and just was not attractive. Mind you, these were just implants on a tray.

Not to be unfair, I will describe the pros and cons of having silicone implants. Silicone implants are said to feel most like real breasts. Silicone implant patients have the least recorded complications. Silicone implants can last longer than saline implants. If a silicone implant ruptures, a patient will not experience volume loss. On the flip side, Silicone implants require a costly MRI every few years to ensure there are no ruptures or complications. As stated above silicone implants must be placed through a larger incision site. Silicone implants are more costly for the implant itself, about $1000 more on average.

So I hope this has given you a little help if you are trying to decide between saline and silicone. Please don't take my word for it. Do your due diligence and RESEARCH! Go to youtube and watch some videos, Search here on RealSelf and don't be afraid to ask questions. Good Luck on your Journey!

My first set of pictures. =P

Okay! I am going to do this the right way. I have been impressed by the secret Lois Lane in my blood. Since posting on here I have been doing more research and have been posting my findings on a private blog. Its so much fun building to something so big. Feelings of anxiety linger but not over the surgery. Its more like when I was waiting on my children's impending birth or prepping for finals and graduation. Once I knew t was coming no matter what, it was like then what?

I've been so caught up in the getting there, I haven't really taken much thought about the after. Like Life, its easy to just see what's in front of your eyes and miss the detail in the background. So I have been taking more looks into the bad and the ugly. Trying to understand the whys and the hows. By better understanding, possibly avoiding such complications, myself.

Its been rough. I have chosen to go with saline over silicone but I have to admit the rippling has got me nervous. I saw Vivica. YIKES! Then I saw Pam! Ouch! Lil Kim! Victoria Beckham! OWW! Of course I was looking at regular people, too.

I found today I did not know much about the different textures available. There are smooth and textured implants. Smooth implants have a smooth outter surface and are said to allow the implant to feel more "squishy" and "jiggle" more. Textured implants are said to remain firm and rarely move from where they are placed.

A reason a person may want to get textured implants is if they have very little breast tissue and would like to better disguise the implant under the skin. Another reason is if the implant is being placed above the muscle, the textured implant is said to help prevent "bottoming out", which is another type of complication.

Most saline implants are smooth. Also surgeons have said there tend to be more incidents of complications in textured implants versus the smooth.

As I said earlier, "bottoming out" is another possible complication. This is when the implant slips out of the pocket and begins to descend the chest wall. Yes! It's true, the girls could move on you! This is usually the result of a bad surgeon, making the pocket too large, making the implant too lage, you get the idea. EEK!

Then there' the big CC. Capsular Contraction. When 1 breast is firmer and higher than the other. This seems to be very common but I am lead to believe there is an explanation for this.

I have read and seen that the massage is very painful and people are asked to begin a week postop. So I think some people heal very fast and if they aren't diligent with the breast manipulation, the pocket may form scar tissue to protect itself. This is just my opinion, I am no expert and have no problem being wrong.

But without much more blah, blah, here are my first set of pictures. I only have 5 bras right now. After I had my youngest 4 years ago, I lost the baby weight and the boobies too. I am 5'8" and 118lbs. I am a 34a/b who wants to be a 34D! Because I am tall and thin, I don't want to look like a thumbtack, lol. Also I don't want my husband and children to feel uncomfortable. He really isn't 4 it but he know its something I really want and it's my money, so he's mum. But he did enjoy my girls when I was a very full 34C. That is what I haven't seen much of. What do the guys think/ Were they against it at first but love it now? Do they feel different? How? Would U make them bigger? Smaller?

Merry Christmas!!!

It's been a bit since my last update. I have been trying to be consistent. A lot has been going on since I have decided to stand strong and take this journey! So a bit about myself personally. I am 36 years old but will be 37 in January. January 21st to be exact. Which has always kind of sucked. Everybody is too cold to go out, too broke from the holidays and its too far from the first when people get paid. Most of my birthdays have been spent saying "that's ok" instead of "Thanks!".

I also was a ward of the court from 6mos old to adulthood. I never had much of my own. There were always other foster brothers and sisters to think about. Then I had my kids so I just transferred that feeling over to my own children. I have always put people before myself because that's what I was taught as a young girl. Don't be selfish, be selfless.
Even in my marriage I find myself thinking, "ARGH! I am such a push over!"

So after my last child, I realized, that is not right. I started feeling trapped and began to get depressed. I had a lot of unresolved issues with my deceased mother, childhood abuse issues, bad relationships, debts, and just felt like I was garbage. I fell into the bottle. I was drinking like a fish. The saddest part is nobody knew how far gone I was. I was going to PTA meetings, practices anywhere turned up!
It all crashed to rock bottom one night, when I blacked out, went into a violent rant and ended up in jail.

I had never been away from my children. NOT 1 NIGHT! I couldn't stop crying. There in holding, you sit with other inmates, there are no bars. There I sat, crying with prostitutes, thieves, and like myself, drunks. But for that night we were all just women with different circumstances that lead us astray. They formed around me and rallied me to never drift back down the road I had found that night. They cried with me and showed me the strength I had inside to find that little girl inside and hold her and say "Yes, there are monsters, but you are bigger, stronger, smarter and faster. Because you are here and they are not."

When I came home, I never took another drink. I have been sober for over a year. I was able to finally graduate college. My marriage is a lot better. My kids are happy and healthy.

So now I am waiting for my youngest to start kindergarten in Sept 2014 so I can start my new career as a chemical analyst, hopefully for the dept of health! Then in 2015 we have a move planned(waiting for my oldest to go to high school).

So as you can see, now is the only time I will have free time to get the consultations done, surgery, recovery, and just really enjoy my body. I didn't get to enjoy pregnancy like that. I was working. I want to get my boobs, recover, go to VS, do a lil bra sizing and lingerie show for the Mr., wear a bikini and not look like a 12 year old, put on a maxi dress, a halter top, a TUBE TOP! I want to wear a bandu that doesn't look like a band-aid. I want to make him jealous because guys can't keep their eyes off me! (did I say that?!)

I just can't wait. This is just for me! For those who want to do something and are just a bit scared of what others will say, think of this. We only get 1 chance at life and to be distracted from the beauty and love life has to offer is a tragedy. Find a way to make peace with yourself, then make peace with your creator, then tell the other people to go find some business...it's free all day!

Getting P'Od

So I have been trying to update for the last couple of days but something keeps blocking my full post or preventing my pics from uploading. Its so frustrating. I don't even know if this will actually post but I just wanted to let people know that happens sometimes.

Also I think I might switch surgeons. Like I said nothing set in stone yet. I wish there was a way I could just do a "blog" without choosing a surgeon. I still have so much footwork and research to do.

I even am having a few second thoughts about saline. I have seen tha saline can cause rippling in thin people as well as the implant eventually settles and so does the water and that can create a malformation over time. eek!

I just want to fill out my bras and stop my nipples from trying to fall back onto themselves. It hurts sometimes. Like they get sore and raw and I fear if I don't "reinflate" my boobs soon, I'm going to have a real problem there. Also The thing I learned about breastfeeding is that one boob usually produces more than the other. So after breastfeeding my youngest, I am left with some serious symmetry issues. I am almost sure the right Doctor could probably get this done under reconstruction.

Hopefully I will try again to get my pictures up and you can see what I'mm dealing with. It's a tragedy. They are soooo sad. I want happy boobies!

Wow, Time Flies! 2014, 4REAL!?!?!

Happy New Year! I hope all of you reading this have had a great Holiday season. Mines, was whatever. Everybody is alive and breathing. We are thankful.

So, this journey has been a renewal of spirit and mind for me. Not like this is/will be the turning point of my life but it's opened new doors and schools of thought for me. What I mean by that is I have started writing a new blog about my many endeavors, likes and tips. Living here in Los Angeles, I see a lot and hear a lot and can't believe I never shared an of this. I've met celebrities, gone to openings, shows, found sick, stupid bargins and come up with some crazy DIY's. It's in the blood, my 12 year old came brushing through with the most kawaii duct tape wallet. I didn't even show her! But if I can, I'll let yall know so u can check it out!

On to #teamboobsrbust news!
So, "Buck-caw!", that's chicken for "Good Day!"
I say that because, I still have not told my husband that I am seriously going to do this. He is my big old grumpy pit bull. He' about 9 years older than me. So he feels like my protector. I'm pretty tough, and he knows that. But he ha to do it. Like, I could be opening a pack of peas and he'll come and take them and open them for me. Or like he won't let me walk on the outside of the sidewalk. Or like when my mom died, he heard me scream from the top floor and ran all the way down the stairs and found me huddled under the intercom, bauling my eyes out, and brought me upstairs. When I used to work swing and didn't have a car yet, he would wait in South Central, gang hood for me till 1 am at the bus stop to walk me home. So you see the approach is like a 757 Boeing on a small runway in a snowstorm. Very Careful. I have been very nice though, no vetos!

So I made some rice sizers! Mines are a cup and 1/2. Which from my calculation should be about a 420cc. It was almost too big, so I knew I had it right, lol. I want to achieve a "D" from my surgery. I am real asymmetrical. I will go in on that in a moment. Hold on, cuz, it's gonna get good. But back to the sizers. So I finally got these guys all measured and closed up. "giggle" They kind of look like real boobies, lol. So I seat them in my bra, which has plenty of space, lol. And Viola! Instant "lumpy" Boob Job! No more "birdchesting"! It was great till my 12 year old caught me checking myself out in the mirror. She was rolling on the floor. She knows what's up. She's my lil soldier, if nobody knows, she does. She's gifted intellectually and intuiatively. I told her a while back, she's like just get it over already. But yeah, I can only imagine how this is gonna rear its ugly head again when she's in her teens. But I am sure I want no less than 425cc and no more than 475cc.

So it would just seem logical that since I'm a little unbalanced my boobs would be too. This experience has caused me to step back and take a real hard look at my girls. Well. Well, DAMN!! So what had happened was... I mean this is bad. Like I'm calling it a "reconstruction" now instead of "augmentation". First, they are REAL uneven. Like I think 1 is a cup smaller. Wait What!?! I know. I think this happened from breastfeeding because I am right handed so it was easier to hold "Big Fat Baby" on my right side. Don't trip, I believe all babies are fat, and I love it. My baby loved to eat and since I favored that breast, it made more milk, and in the end gained a bit more fat tissue than the other. So, the lesson is. Breastfeed evenly. IT IS NOT A JOKE! The boob you save may be your own! Also, I am guilty of just straight up lying. I just can't be a 34b! I now believe I am a 34 aa on my right and a 34a on my left. I think. That double letter thing only existed for ppl with big boobs or so I thought.

I also got brave enough to make my first phone call. I found this place in Newport Beach that sounded too good to be true. I did find the Dr. affiliated to the surgery center but of course this was before the Holiday and he had just went on vacation. So I stopped making calls until next week, the second week of January. I found out from the nurse on call though that surgeries usually book weeks in advance. It's good that I am starting now, if I seriously want to do this by March. I just hate wasting ppl's time if I am not booking until a month or so. But I guess it's not like buying a dress. There is lab work, medication, and other things that should be taken care of BEFORE your surgery.

Well, this has been enough for today, I'm sure. I think my next post, I will actually post up my nakie/half nakie pix and some tips about what to ask on your consultation and hopefully get my youtube channel attached. Thanks for reading. ^_^

My Rice Sizer Fun

I meant to put these up with the previous post but it only uploaded the 2 photos. So as in life when life shoves lemons in your face...We make a picture blog!!!

This is after I made my rice sizers, I wanted to test them out. So I put on a couple of shirts just to see what they look like. =D


I meant to put these up with the previous post but it only uploaded the 2 photos. So as in life when life shoves lemons in your face...We make a picture blog!!!

This is after I made my rice sizers, I wanted to test them out. So I put on a couple of shirts just to see what they look like. =D (TAKE TWO)

The Bravest Thing I have Ever Done. :o

So I woke up this morning with a new resolve. I AM GOING TO DO THIS!! I WILL NOT back out. I REALLY want this. I think at first it was a notion or even a whim. But I have noticed that now, since I know it is financially possible and March is not so far away, that I have been more analytical towards myself and other women. Only physically. I am a weird shape. I am lean and tall but not scrawny or skinny. I am a size 3 but it doesn't look like it. At one point, I was 208lbs. So I have found that you can be thin and totally out of shape. I guess I thought people shrunk symmetrically. Silly me. >_<

I then started reading the posts and comments of some of the people on youtube and other forums. I couldn't believe how short sighted and undereducated some of the opinions were. Most of them, not surprisingly, from men, who have no reference point for breastfeeding, pregnancy, womanhood, gravity or any other force of nature. To whom we have given our heats, minds, bodies and souls. To whom most of us have relinquished our childish youth to commensurate your families. To whom most of us ask of nothing in return but your undying love and unwavering attention.
To you, who say "Why would you go under the knife and have someone put something foreign inside of you."
I say, "I carried a seed to a child and lay down my life on the operating table with no guarantee of tomorrow."
Who say "You should be happy with what you got. Be satisfied with the way God made you."
I say, "From my pubescent form, I grew into a woman, provided nourishment and shelter to my children. Time and love have ravaged our temples and left them in dissrepair"
Who say "I love you just the way you are."
I say " Do you really? Where are the pictures of women in their late 30's and 40's.? Why are sexy older women characterized as "cougars" and sugar mama's"? Why are women who are proud and confident objectified and criticized?
Who say "You'll regret it."
I say "How many times did you regret the snickers, snide comments, and lewd gestures? How many times did you regret looking over the woman with the brain for the chick with the rack?"

How about looking in the mirror at a malformation? What will become of the women who have fallen victim to illness and had surgical removals? What about burn victims who would like to feel as they did before their accident? What about soldiers, who have pledged the ultimate sacrifice?

We are all women and these are OUR temples. For so long, we have given so much of ourselves that we feel we need permission to feel good. The fact that people would say those thing are proof of their hypocritical nature. For if you truly loved a woman, you see her soul and not the shell that houses it.
With that being said...
So as I said before, after breastfeeding, I ended up severely misshapen. My breasts have been such a non-factor to me that I just don't even pay attention to them. I mean really. I just wash and through a bra on and go. Hell, sometimes I just throw on a tank and a sweatshirt and go. Which makes me go back to my prior point. Maybe if guys complimented us on our smaller busts or we saw more ad campaigns featuring smaller busted women, we would feel like showing off a bit more. Or how about making some cute tops for small breasted women.
Sorry, got off topic again. >_<

I am sure I have 2 different cups but I am not sure. I start setting appts for consultations today. I am sure they were the same or somewhere close to the same size 3 years ago. This happened because I am right handed and favored my left breast when I was breastfeeding. I didn't know that even if you express the other boob, they will still grow back uneven. And the bump on my rib cage just showed up one day. Dr.'s claim there is nothing wrong there. I know the surgery will correct this so I guess its okay but I just really had a good look at myself and was like "What happened to that JV cheerleader?"
My next thin is sizing. So I thought 400cc+ but now I am seeing people who are taller getting less cc's. I would have thought 425-475cc would put me in the big c little d area but now, I'm not so sure. I don't want anything that will be heavy on my chest and body because I have asthma. Do you think this would be too big? I want to look like Kelly Rowland. I have included pictures of myself and a set of boobs I like.
Thanks for reading and remember
"No one will ever love you more than yourself"

MY FIRST CONSULT!!!! <3 <3 <3 =D

So after a week and a cold, I finally got around to making phone calls to arrange for consultations. I narrowed my list down to 3 doctors. I made my judgement by reviews, location and suggested price.

Honestly, I have been on a few consultations but I wasn't as serious about booking the surgery. THIS time, I was nervous. I found myself a bit chatty but let me not get ahead of myself.

So my first consultation was not with Dr Edween but a Dr. Taneja who is actually closer and had an available consultation.
Dr. Arvin Taneja has a practice in South Pasadena. Firs I have to say when I called, they were so helpful and courteous. The receptionist was able to answer some of my questions and give me an appointment right away.

So another great thing is due to their proximity to the freeway, its less than 20 mins away! They even have their own parking, so you don't have to worry about parking meter or parking fees. They are on the second floor. So I rode up in the elevator and stepped out into a general hallway. They were easy to find by the sign to the left of the door. I slinked in behind the couple ahead of me. The receptionist with awesome hair and the most perky, shiny eyes, quickly spotted me and smiled. She asked if she could help me. I told her I had an appointment and she had me sign in and take a seat.

So after about 10 mins, she handed me a clipboard with your basic intake blah blah. I noticed they were busy but not overcrowded. There were like 2 receptionists and like 2 or 3 other assistants that work back office and a consultant. All together I waited like 15 mins including time it took to fill out pprwrk, to get to the back. I appreciated the lighting. It wasn't like super bright like in the physician's office. There was a type of Mediterranean appeal. Marble and statues, with creme and neutral colors. The assistant instructed me to strip from the waist down and put on a paper robe, open to the front. She stepped out and told me the doctor and his consultant would be with me in a bit.

So the room is pretty unassumming. It almost looks like any other office except for the implants in the small storage unit used for sizing. I gathered my questions, my camera, my sizers, my shirts, and my nerves and awaited the doctor. In what seemed like no time, Dr. Taneja was knocking at the door.
Dr' Taneja was kind and patient. He let me ask my WHOLE list of questions. He helped with my indecisiveness. He also didn't try to sell me on a bunch of stuff I didn't want. He helped me dispell of some of my misconceptions about the surgery. I also got to give him my suggestions and was pretty close to what he wanted to suggest. They also didn't hound me about price or financing right away. Like they mentioned the price at the end and that was it.

Next the consultant was so nice. She stayed with me and we began trying on silicone sizers. All the while she was giving me a wealth of information. Even sharing with me er personal experience. AND...she let me squeeze her "Charmin", lol.

It was awesome. I couldn't tell the difference. She swapped put her salines for silicone after 10 years due to leak she said she could actually "Feel". She showed me her size which was 650cc, I PROMISE, it was as big as my head. I was DAAAAAAYYYYYYYMMMMMM! So we started me at 400 filled to 450. I thought that was dolly parton huge! So I tried on the 300 filled to 350 and took some pix. What a doll, she took my pix for me 2.

So with the 450cc on, I was like, "this is a d?" and she laughed and said "noooo, maybe a full c."
Wait! What? What does it mean?!?
So know I think may be I should go with 350 filled to 400cc. I don't think I will want more than that as there is a weight involved.

I had a great consultation and You know what? I don't think I will even do anymore. We'll see. But today was Grrrrrrrrreeeeaaatt!

( @ )( @ ) Go Hard or Go Home!

I've been going back and forth, back and forth in my mind about size. I think I have been stuck in such a world of disillusionment that it has produced its own reality and I am just figuring this all out. So for many years I thought I was a 34B. So when I went in for my consultation I went with the mind state that I would be going at least 2 cup sizes to a small "D". So when I spoke to the surgeon about my expectations and he agreed, I was thrilled.

Then the consultant and I tried on sizers to make sure this was what I wanted. She handed me a sports bra that said 34 A. 34 A!??!??!!!!!
Oh the embarrassment. I put it on thinking, oh she pulled the wrong size. No, I'm just in denial. Perfect fit. *sigh*

So then she hands me the 450 implants, explaining the implants I was holding were silicone and I would be getting saline. Silicone implants are a bit heavier. The funny thing is as a woman, it's kind of funny to have someone else "stuff" your bra. lol. She popped the implants into the bra and let me have a look.
Initially, they felt heavy and looked to big. She said they looked great. She also explained that the implants would lose some volume due to being placed under the muscle. Also that the implants will be tighter against my chest/body. It just still looked too big to me.

Next we stepped down to 300cc filled to 350cc. 100cc less. I thought this looked great. We agreed on that and she wrote it in my file.
Then as I drove home and over the last few days, I have been utterly obsessing over size. I remember someone saying if you think they are a tad too big then that's the right size! I want to achieve a full "C". And if you are going to pay thousands for something...get as much as you can. lol

So, I'm going 400cc o/f to 450cc saline, high profile, under the muscle and through the nipple. Hopin g t gain a full "C" maye a baby "D". but I ain't being greedy.


more pix from consultation

So this is what I look like with 350cc. Barely a "C" cup. So I tried on 450cc but didn't get a picture. >_<

The 450cc seemed too big but as you can see in the picture, the 350cc implants look like I'm wearing a padded bra. Not much of a difference. Here is my theory, partially validated by what I was told at my consultation:

1. I am wearing the implants in a bra. If they were attached to my chest wall then they would be more taut against my body. This would make them higher.
2. Under the muscle placement would make them about 50cc's smaller.
3. I am tall so more cc's are required to give a fuller look
4. I am getting high profile which will give more projection. but I have the nipple issue and some sagging so some cc's will disappear in my nipples and crease, I think.

All this equates to me saying to myself...
"Don't second guess the surgeon."

If you do your research and your surgeon is qualified, you'll feel it. But it's human nature to want to control a situation. If we can have control over most of the details of our surgery, it doesn't seem like we are turning our lives over to a complete stranger. Truth is, that is exactly what we are doing. We are trusting this Dr. will be able open our bodies, reshape them and keep us alive. Truth is, sometimes, that doesn't always happen. There are botched surgeries and fatal errors that do occur. I believe it is the fear that drives us to obsess so much. Quite a few of us have children and families to think about. But when you find a surgeon that is the right one, you will know it.

They will answer your questions before you ask.
You will make you feel comfortable, almost at home in their office.
They take time to listen to your concerns and questions.
They don't push or try to upsell you

There is so much more that I could list but bottom line is do YOUR research.
Find a Dr. that works for you and LISTEN to his instructions.
Well, that's it for tonight. Good Luck 2 all of you walking this road with me.

My lil "BIG" secret

I've always been a bit of a practical joker. Most of the time I could be saying something but don't really mean it. Like " I hate you so much." "You're such a bitch." "I'm gonna die." Like just blabbing/girl talk. The subject of boobs has always been part of that. For example, my more plump friends complain about their voluptuous curves, my friends with long flowing locks complain about wanting it short. But no one complains about having boobs. Everybody can chime in on a joke for that one. " What do you use for a bra? A bandaid?" "Is that your kid's top?" I could go on.
*break out mini-violins*
I say this not to induce your empathy for my plight against amastia, breast deflation, nipple regression, etc, whatever banner you want across my chest. I say this because for many years it just seemed almost superficial to want to get my breast fixed. It seemed as though reconstructive surgery was something reserved for the elite and famous. Trophy wives and porn queens.

How terribly mistaken I was.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to restore your former glory. Should not the wife of an auto mechanic, who works hard and takes good care of the family, deserve to look and feel cherished and special? Why does that mean she is not confident? How come this identifies with vanity or narcissism?

Would there be such scrutiny if we were extending an arm or leg that had not grown to full length? What about the unfortunate who broke their nose when they were young and now seek rhinoplasty? How about those who have lost 100's of lbs and are left with lbs of loose skin that NEEDS to be removed?

Each of us have shoes to fill and a mile to walk. I have learned that my journey is more enjoyable when I am open to the road ahead and the beauty the path is showing me.

I haven't told anyone but my oldest daughter about my surgery. Yet, I have been telling everyone for decades. But at this point I feel like when I was pregnant with my youngest. My oldest knew and I knew and that was it until 3 mos. She just knew. Likewise, she know because she is real observant and has seen me trying on the sizers. Also her opinion is important to me, so I asked her opinion on size.

I feel like I have this BIG lil secret that I'm just so excited about. I know now my husband will be thrilled about this once it all sets in. I forgot who we were talking about. He's a sex fiend. So for him this would be like getting an upgrade on an already good model. In his terms, like putting a new coat of paint and some rims on a classic car. I can hear him already..."You gonna throw sum "D"s on them mtha" (it's a old rap song) His main concern is my safety. As long as I'm not going for my face and not gonna get addicted and spend all our money, he'll be fine. I'm SURE after I heal, I can make him feel REAL comfortable with my decision.

I don't think I will tell anybody else. I don't think it's any of their business. I have 1 aunt who had hers done who is like my boobie mentor but no one else. This is just for me. This is for me to fit into these 2 dresses(halter and maxi) that I look at everytime I go in my closet but never pull out because they don't fit anymore(post breastfeeding). I want to wear a suit to the beach. Bikinis don't stay on or in the right place. One pieces ride up and make me look like a boy. I want to slowly unbutton my blouse to reveal a sexy lace see thru bra, filled with my breast to drive my husband wild. I want my bras to stop riding up my chest. I would like to wear a leotard/catsuit(so what, Lady Gaga did it!)

I have been looking up ladies of color who have had their boobs done. I was surprised to see that there are quite a few.
Kelly Rowland. I read she went t a "B" but if you watch her "Kisses Down Low" video, you can def tell she is a full "C" She is my body "double". We are about the same height, weight, shape, color. etc. I was thrilled when she came out and shot down the rumors before they started.
Vivica Fox. She had a very public complication with her boobs. But she seems to have gotten them revised and they look okay now.
Rihanna. Not confirmed but pretty sure. If you look at her in "Umbrella" then look at her in "Stay" she is def bigger. But I think she went under 300cc
Elise Neal. I am a big fan. I noticed and thought it did her a major justice and I've been seeing her in ore parts. hmmmm
Halle Berry. Okay so not confirmed but she was always small even in strictly business. So we all remember the famous topless scene in Swordfish. Then in Monster's Ball she was pretty big for her small frame. I think she had them done after the kid. IJS
Naomi Campbell.
Whitney Houston
Nene Leakes
Lil Kim
Nicki Minaj
Mariah Carey

And there are more, I just didn't want to spend all day listing.
So now, after I have done my consultation, I am waiting. I have to wait to get my return for the rest of the money. I took my girls shopping for undies and socks the other day. Of course, I gravitated to the bras. So I thought, why not and bought a couple of sports bras and a coupe of underwire bras. I know I may be getting ahead of myself. It's like prepping for a baby, though. I am so excited about my "lil" BIG secret. I saw so many cute lingerie and jammies that would be so cute on my new boobs.

They were great. Both Fruit of The Loom and under $10. I bought them in a 36. I hope to be a full "C", so I imagine they will be really swollen. A 36 should accommodate a full "D", I would think. I am normally a 34 so buying 36 should be good to give room for swelling and so the band won't dig in my skin. I got a black one and white one. I bought 2 36C bras. They seemed HUGE. I don't remember them being that big when I was nursing but nursers aren't underwire pushup either, lol.

I am so excited to finally just be getting this done. I mean DONE. No more complaining and groping about bra size. No more trolling the net for before and afters. No more looking at women from their chest up. No more wondering. I often think, what will I do, once I have conquered this obsession? What will I chase now that I have caught my bounty?

On to a new review

So this is probably my last update on this review as I did select another surgeon for my operation. I hope this review does not leave Dr. Edween in bad favor. I selected the Dr. I went with based on price, location and overall personal preference. I did however call to schedule an appt. for a consult. The receptionist was nice but a bit short on the phone. There is a $100 fee for the consultation but that is credited towards your surgery. The surgeon I choose is less tan 20 mins from my house! They have their own parking(in Los Angeles, that is key). So with that I will bid you a fond farwell for now from this blog. I will start a new blog about my journey with my new surgeon.

Not So Fast!

So I thought I could end this review and start another but realself.com doesn't work like that. They did say they would fix it so I could change my Dr. but I still have not been able to do so yet. So I will get to work on my youtube page. =D

Desimatted Dreams

When a woman decides to have a breast augmentation performed, you understand there are a number of calculated risks. One of the most common, no doubt, is Capsular Contraction. It can happen to any woman with any type of implant. It can also turn a wonderful dream into a painful nightmare.

What is it? Well, the best way I can explain it is as follows: Your body is the Star Trek Enterprise. Everything operating normally. Implants are like two giant alien things beaming up. "All Hands On Deck!" The guards quarantine the intruders from the general population. So when your implants are introduced to your body, the natural response of the body is to protect itself. A capsule will form around the each implant and continue to harden making the breast hard, uneven, and painful.

So what happens if you developed the big CC?
Well, there are a few options, none of which sound like a bowl of cherries.
-The first involves a rather barbaric practice of forcefully "popping" the scar tissue up in the implant pocket. This is said to be painful and possibly cause damage to your implants.
-The second involves ultrasound therapy. Ultrasonic waves break up scar tissue surrounding the implant.
-The final would involve surgery. The Dr. can either break up the tissue partially or remove the capsule completely.

Is there any way to safeguard my new investments?
Smoking seems to be the number one culprit in causing the dreaded "CC".
Oh, don't fell bad. I smoke too. But I quit January 20th and hope to stay smoke free. My breasts are worth more than a pack of smokes!
Smoking reduces oxygen causing complications in healing. It also reduces the levels of Vitamins B and C. It also makes those creepy lines around your mouth. Let's stop it ladies! We can do it! #stayinalive

There are other precautions you can take:
-Start taking Vitamins TODAY!! Start getting your body in shape. Start drinking more water and exercise a bit. Not too much but remember, you will be on light duties for weeks. (I've started taking Prenatal Pills and Drinking at least 1 16oz bottle of water a day. For me that's a lot! And I walk the kid to school now. lol)
-After your surgery, start taking vitamin E pills. I have read at least 400U once a day, every day, for the time you have the implants. Also only 2 weeks AFTER your surgery. Vitamin E is an antioxidant. It slows cellular damage and aging. But consult your doctor first!
-Get Tropical! Grab a pineapple and make a tasty salad! Pineapple has an enzyme called Bromelain. Bromelain helps reduce pain, swelling, and healing from injury. Studies have even shown it may enhance antibiotics.
-Touche': Don't be gentle with that massage! A lot of times people get comfortable with their implants and forget massage must be done everyday, until explanted. Also Implants are pressure tested to withstand squeezing and "smooshing" and "squishing", so when massaging, Dr. wants patients to really move those puppies around! When doing home massage, grab them, squeeze them, roll em around, push em down, get in there. And do it everyday, almost all day at first, than at least once a day FOREVER!
-Wearing proper bras! Make sure to have a proper bra sizing done at a lingerie shop such as Victoria's Secrets or Nordstroms. These are just a couple of places but the point is you've spent so much on your breasts, at least have the right bra to protect your investment. Also remember to let them breath but they need support. Wear a sportsbra to sleep. Also wearing push up bras are fun but constant wear causes the breast to conform to that raised position and scar tissue begins to harden in that position.

There is a scale called the Baker Grading System
Grade I — the breast is normally soft and appears natural in size and shape
Grade II — the breast is a little firm, but appears normal
Grade III — the breast is firm and appears abnormal
Grade IV — the breast is hard, painful to the touch, and appears abnormal

If you feel you may be developing a problem, CALL YOUR DR.!
I am not a Dr. but plenty of ppl on realself.com are. They are all across the World, so I'm sure there is a surgeon in your area that can see you. "CC" doesn't have to mean the "End Of Days" for your new breasts. If you can catch it early or prevent it in the first place, it may never be a problem. But if it is, I hope this has been helpful to you. Much love and CC's.
(P.S.-the pics are just me having fun with my rice sizers, padded bra and sportsbra, with some of my sexy clothes I used to "fit")


I got my reminder to post today. Its funny, there's not much ore to do then wait. I hate the hurry up and wait period. I have run into 1 major snag. I don't have a driver! I live in Los Angeles, the surgery center is in Huntington Beach. My husband doesn't have a license, long story, and is scared to driive my car to get me. *sigh* This is why it don't pay to marry for love. ARGH! So now I gotta find someoneto drive me home. I was thinking of riding the bus up there since it's no rush getting there and he could just pick me up. Now I gotta find a taxi home on meds. No Bueno.
I'm still going.
I almost let my cat out of the bag. It's so hard not telling him. I have told a couple of people but I don't think they think I'm serious but I am. I got the good news that I am eligible for some tax credit for students. Yay!! So I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I just put in my paperwork, so I'm sure it'll be about a month.
I have my pre-op Dr.'s appt to do whatever check up stuff they need to do. I hope its just in and out. I don't want to chat about all the crap I already know. Are you sure? They're not permanent. Complications, etc. I just want her to do my labs and go. I am a bit nervous because although I no longer smoke or drink I do have a medicinal license and endulge in edibles and candies. I have ADHD and otherwise would have to be on meds that make me feel really sick, so I eat a brownie or a sucker and go. The best way I could explain it is "Spazmatic." I say goofey stuff, do stupid things, forget things, just a mess. But with edibles I can finish 1 thing at a time and actually pay attention to detail while I do it.
I hope people will not look at me differently in respect to my sobriety. Marijuana has never made me lie to people, steal from them, put they life in danger, or destroy their property. Alcohol and poor decisions did.
Is anyone else out there 420 active? Did it effect your recovery? It's the cannibinoids I am concerned about since I don't smoke anymore, there should be less risk of CC.
Well, I hope you are all doing well and having sweet dreams of boobs and bigger bras. #boobsorbust

Touche' sir

So I think I got it all figured out. I just know how I'm going to sit my husband down and tell him everything. So as I'm getting ready to go to my regular Dr. for the perop appt., he asks "Are you going to see the titty Dr.?"
So after I swallowed my tongue and passed out. I was like "Yeah, eventually, but this is my regular Dr."
So he knows but he didn't say anything. Hmmmmm
I love when we play chess. He has advanced on me.
Now I am just waiting on my labs for Monday.
I am so in love with the pictures I took with the sportsbras. I am so ready to get this over with so I can stop thinking about it. Obsessing over it.
I'd be lying if I say i haven't had doubts and concerns.
What if they are too big or heavy?
What if they are too uncomfortable or too painful?
Am I really ready for the attention I'll get and comments? People can be pretty mean. Especially family.
What if they start going bad,(cc, uneven, etc)?
I am still sure I want this. If it goes bad then at least I know I tried and it didn't work.

I started a very small online business. I made 2 sales already! It's not much but that is only in 48 hours. It's been keeping me distracted but at the end of the day. "Boobs, Boobs, Boobs!"

R U 4REAL??!!!

I just got jacked. Not like that but cyberjacked. So remember when I said "Oh Yay! I just made a couple of sales!" I was all happy. The way the site works is there is a small delay between when you get the cash and when you deliver the product. Whe they receive the product then in a few days they credit your account with the money. Ebay, amazon, anything that works through online payment has a lag. So It had been about a week and no word from my first customer and I'm thinking ?"oh she's probably happy, playing with her cutesy stuff and probably one of my fans on my lil store page, etc. Right? NO! So she send a scathing letter about how she wants a refund and never got her stuff. But I emailed her a copy of the confirmation receipt. So now I got 1/1. 1 bad star and 1 good star. It cost me about as much as the product was worth to send it. It was more for promotions sake. So now I'm like I know either she got it and just lying or somebody else got it. Either way, she gets a refund from the site. What do I get?!? F that customers always right bullcrap. Some customers are lying snakes that take advantage. I hope she stick herself with the pencil if she got it and get that Pb x_x

In boob news, I didn't do my labs today. Ran out of time. It's all good, I can go at anytime. Also, I still haven't gotten a list of the exact tests I need. we want to make sure we get the right ones. So the closer i get to my impending date, the more aroused I get at my new body. I have always had a healthy sexual appetite. I have never strayed away from being a vixen in the bedroom. But since we have kids it seems like we are never alone. Then when we are it almost like a routine. Draw the shades,close/lock the door, fight over the light, under the covers...
I look in the mirror and don't see that hot girl I used to be but I don't see the sexy woman I want to be. Inside I feel like Kelly Rowland, or a chocolate Jessica Bunny. Sexy in every way. Sometimes I like to walk up right behind him because we are not very far in height and whisper, "Hi, baby" right in her ear as I walk by. I am a constant butt grabber and eyemaker. I truly believe "A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste."
Before the kids and when I was pregnant with my first child. I used to just walk around all "National Geographic" style. I got a bit teary eyed when I heard Bruno Mars "Gorilla" I miss that.
I find myself always looking at my flaps or adjusting them. To not get so graphic, cuz I haven't given you ENOUGH, I don't like to face him anymore during intimate moments. Because I remember no matter what he SAYS, how excited he was when I was "growing" and lactating. I mean really, I thought this guys was trying to set up radio contact with aliens. And I liked it. lol
I would like to wear sundresses, halter tops, bandeaus, maxi dresses, teddies, push up bras and other sexy things.
My daughter wears a bigger bra than me and she is in the 7th grade!!!! And I look and feel sad sometimes. I know that's crazy but I am still a girl on the inside. I'm not sad that she is developing!! ARE U NUTS?!?!? That's a great thing. She'll be fine. No boys to make fun of her. No girls will make itty bitty jokes about her. She will be able to look good in anything she wears. She won't have to spend $4500(surgery, meds, labs, bras) to make up for what God didn't give her. I WILL TEACH her how to breastfeed the right way. I will buy her the right bras. And if she still wants implants after she has kids and gets married than hey! I'll be there for her then too.
I want to take some sexy pictures for him. Hell, I do believe we are going to crook together in a nursing home somewhere. What better gift for his old ass but a picture of my sexy young ass? He could say "I hit that. I got that finest fox in ward b." And if these girls hold up well and by then I'd be on at least my second pair and second hip, I'd still be the sexiest thing on oxygen. I'm just being real cuz I smoked for over 20 years.
But okay, I think this has been enough. Also, I am finding out that this is almost a right of passage for mothers who are in their mid thirties with more than one kid and have lost more than 50-75 lbs. I just really believe that is it. Our boobs are suffering "The Biggest Loser" syndrome. Where you gain a lot of weight over many months or years and lose it real quickly. So our boobs are made of fat and when we lost that fat we were just left with the saggy skin. I noticed around my abdomen too. Which means I was toast from my 12 year old! I gained over 80lbs with her. I lost 60lbs by the time I came out of the hospital 3 day later. I promise I weighed myself both times. I just thought I wasn't working out hard enough but I guess eventually I might need a tummy tuck. But it sounds so weird because I am only 118lbs. Any thin people ever had a tummy tuck? Sorry if I am rambling, but somehow, talking to you guys is so honest. Almost like writing a letter to a friend. I am very glad realself.com is here.

Fast Reply

Just a quick update about Dr. Taneja's office and something I forgot to mention.
So remember I was waiting on the reply from My Fairygod Surgeon about the tests required for my own Dr. office? Among my first unchecked emails from the same day was a letter from Elxy, the patient coordinator. In the letter, she was very polite and attached a form with all the required information. She also reminded me of a fact I remember her telling me but in my zeal for breasts I kinda forgot. >_<
So you don't want to get your labs done until 3 weeks before you expect to have your surgery. I totally would have went this week and my labs would have been invalid by the time I went for my surgery. I am so thankful for them and their great customer care. I can truly tell they are going to take care of me and do a good job as long as I cooperate with their pre/post care requirements.

Wow! Its Almost My Turn! :D

Time seems to stand still when you are close to something huge in your life. Like when you graduated, it seemed like the last semester took forever. Or when you were pregnant and that horrible last month just dragged on. (my kids were born in the mid of Aug and Sept.) How about Christmas Eve? I swear there's an extra hour in there we don't notice.

So quite a few things have gone on since my past post. I purposely waited to update just so I'd have SOMETHING to say, lol. So what's been happening.

First, my work situation has just fizzled like a bad alka seltzer. I think after being burned I just lost my jazz for it. I just hate to be sedimentary. So after some unforseen circumstances, I have decided to stop trying so hard to get away from home. By that I mean, I've been a worker bee all my life. So naturally, I want to go to work and be productive in the professional World. But since I am now without ANY childcare , we have been home schooling to prepare my youngest for Kindergarten.

She was in a spot at our local elementary but this is LAUSD and without getting to far into it. I forgot to do something and rather than punish me for my negligence, they punish her by giving up her spot, with no notice to me at all. We went out on a 4 day weekend and came back on Tuesday morning to "She's no longer a student in that class." She was standing right there and broke like a piece of glass. People really need to think about the purpose of the jobs rather than the perks. Meaning I understand I did wrong and I am remorseful. I could have easily fixed the situation if given a day more. Or even an opportunity to explain the circumstances. SHE does not understand. She thought she did something wrong. I had to explain to her She didn't. She lost all her friends and teachers in a weekend. It was tough for a few days. But now, we are rolling with rust! We got some supplies from Walmart and the 99cent store. We found Team Umizoomi activity packs, storybooks, games and more learning fun. So everyday, we wake up, have some school, eat some breakfast, a lil more school, then its off to errands and play or a field trip and finally back home for dinner and homework. She is actually responding better with our little program! But she'll be going back cuz I am going STIR CRAZY!!!

My husband has jumped on my wagon. I'm gonna officially call him "Me2". I go to college, He go to college. I stop drinking. He stop drinking. Even when I was pregnant. I barf, he barf too. But I am not mad! Its good follows. If following me makes you a better man than follow me to the moon, baby. But he ain't going to church. Funerals, wedding and Baptisims. I FINALLY sat down and face to face discussed my surgery with him. HE WAS TOTALLY COOL!! He just said don't get carried away. He is back in school. Which is weird. I'm always the first one up and out. I feel like our chihuahua sometimes, just staring out the window. lol But as I said before, its just a matter of time. Science never gets old and there are always jobs in my profession. So in September, it should be pretty easy getting a job. (already got some offers but they know I have a child.) Its rare to find an analyst with a degree, experience AND a license to draw blood. HOT COM-MOD-ITY! (you gotta say it with swag!)

My oldest daughter was holding water under her bridge. So my oldest is in the 7th grade honors class. She has received many accolades for her academic achievements. Everyday when she gets home I ask her about her day. You trust your baby will be honest and tell you if they are in trouble. But I guess I was wrong. So come to find out, other honors kids were calling her "nerd" and "teacher's pet" and picking on her. She tells me its been going on for 2 months. I was sooooo enraged! I was more upset that she kept it from me. We had a LONG talk. I also talked to a counselor so the situation is being monitored. That's the best you can do. Its so hard because when they leave and go outside, they are on their own. There no "com" to tell them the right words or the right actions. I am just always so scared for here. She's growing so fast and the World is so big and scary.

ME! I think my boobs have pushed me into a mid life crisis. I find myself adding it all up. How old will I be when my kids graduate? If they get married about when I did how old will I be? I'm always finding new lines or freckles/age spots. I find myself always pinching or proding somewhere. To my elatement, a ULTA store just popped up down the street from me. Literally walking distance. I knew it was trouble when I came three days in A ROW!!! So I dumped all my old CVS stuff and got some new goodies. I AM IN LOVE!!! I fond the right products to cover my blemishes and dark eyes and whatever else is on there. I also found a new favorite perfume! Juicy Noir! I also went for my preop but it wasn't time so I ended up waiting. So I will go back next week to complete that with the forms from Dr. Taneja. My money is on its way so I should have the rest by next week. Then its just the final stretch.
Does anyone out there have any last minute words for a sista?

The Afterlife...

So I've been thinking about AFTER my implants. Its like this has been such a HUGE part of my life, after its all done, WHAT will I do? It's like catching Moby Dick, or finding Black Beard's treasure.

Will I go to the beach more or just feel better when I do?

Will I dress sexier or just feel sexier when I do?

Will I go out more? Will I want to go out more?

Will I want to socialize more?

Will my husband and I become more intimate? Do I REALLY want that? (cuz sometimes, I just really don't want to be bothered)

What's my next big hurdle?

I really want to go on and get a bachelor in clinical science and eventually become a certified clinical scientist. But right now or as of last my work has been in water management (waste water and sanitation, creek and stream sampling, water analysis) and my husbands family works for the city in waste water and sanitation. It's not as dirty as u think. If anything, you do have some FUNKY smells. Then there is my classmate who was able to land this great position as a analyst with the Dept of Health in Toxicology. He said he could put in a good word for me once I take the entrance exam. Lastly, there is another close friend who is doing analysis at a lab so close I could walk to her job. Where ever I land, i want to stay there for a long time.

Well, as I'm writing this, I thought of my next big adventure! A house.

Right now, we stay in an apartment. It's a nice spacious 2 bedroom. But we have been here 12 years! My oldest wasn't even walking when we moved in. We're centrally located, so moving just never seemed that big of a deal. But now with 2 kids, a dog, his tools, my tools, and just 12 years of looking at the same walls, its time for a change. If I can take such a huge step and have this operation, then a move should be a piece of cake, lol. But yes, this will be my next endeavor will be to get a great job working in my career, save my money and move my family to a safer more positively productive neighborhood.

I've been thinking about other "Afters". Like I'm usually a stomach sleeper and even when I was pregnant, I found myself attempting in my sleep to turn on my belly. This is going to be a learning experience for me.

Or how will my husband feel when its all done? I don't want him to be weirded out by my body after this. What if he is floating with the stream but really he doesn't want to make waves. He does that sometimes. He's a Pisces, so he avoids confrontation, but I don't think he would bite his tongue over something this big.

How will I feel? I don't want to be weirded out by my own body. I am a very sensual person. So if I'm trying to be seductive and I can't focus on anything but how weird I feel, that's going to be awfully distracting. I read somewhere, someone said they obsess twice as hard over their boobs post surgery. What kind of limitations will I have. I hear some people are restricted to how far the can raise their arms or how much they can lift. Permanently.

I guess this is just the pre op jitters. Much the same as when the roller coaster whisks by and you're next in line. Your heart races and your mind ponders. You look behind you and entertain the idea of sprinting for the nearest exit. Your legs quiver in anticipation. You can hear the screams in the distance as your head seems to swirl. You grip tightly to the metal safety rail, as the cold against your palms snap you into the here and now. You must make a decision. Step forward or move backward. The air whips your hair into your face as the roller coaster makes its approach. You look back one more time but you realize, your destiny is ahead of you. Your destiny is take the journey and never look back. Enjoy the ups and downs with jubilation and lack of regret. Raise your hands to the Heavens and feel the electricity of Life. Scream to the top of your lungs and let your voice be free. And finally, return, to share your story with those who will listen. Bring forth food for those starved of experience.


Do U Guys Know About This?!?!

I check Youtube for new videos and updates from people quite frequently. I enjoy seeing women's progress as they move along in their recovery. I found that I had become a fan of several and recognize their faces easily. So when I logged on and typed in "Breast Implant Update" I wasn't surprised to see certain faces. Then when I filtered by "UPLOAD DATE", my jaws fell wide open. What I was surprised to see was that they were posted under SOMEONE ELSE'S CHANNEL!


That's right. Someone is STEALING our updates. I really don't think this person has any permission to use these videos, nor do I think any of the girls know. I would try to contact them but there are just too many. Please be careful with your updates. I guess the best way to safeguard yourself is with a watermark but I have no idea how to stop them from downloading. So I just thought all you should know.

I have attached links to their channels so you can see yourselves. Maybe somebody out there will read this and know what to do.

Be SAFE Ladies.

Because I'm HAPPY!!!!!!

"Clap yo hands, if you feel like a room w/o a roof
clap yo hands, if you know that happiness is the truth. yeah!
clap yo hands, if you know what happiness means to you, eh
Clap yo hands, if you feel like that's what you wanna do!"

My day has come. I'm over the major hurdles and just waiting for my date. I've got my dough, though! lol.
I will say, I would have not done this if it were more expensive. $4000 is a lot to put in someone's hands. But for a lifetime dream, its nothing.

I have had these bouts of anxiety. I am a realist. So of course the thought has crossed my mind of losing my life on the table. I don't know what to say about that. I am just putting my faith in my God and trusting that he will carry me though and bless Dr. Taneja's hands. I am not doubting Dr. Taneja, its just still a real possibility.

I am so excited! I have been thinking about the first week of recovery like when I was recovering from my c-sections. So here are a few tips on what I plan to do.

I am packing a bag with some slippers, socks, crackers, bottle water and medications. And all my other pertinents. Also a picture of my kids.
My ride will be picking up some food, lite from whatever is close so when I leave i can eat and take my meds.
I am also going to pick up some mederma, some vitamin E and some singular.
I have super cleaned my house and put the kids on notice. "DON'T DO IT!" with that look.
I subscribed to a few cool subscriptions services to keep me busy.
I did my grocery shopping. And bought my puppy the BIG bag of food.
My oldest walks to school and my 4 year old isn't yet in kindergarten yet. But she is very independent for her age. She just needs help with small stuff like putting toothpaste on the brush, pouring the milk, but she can get her bowl, etc. That's cool. i think I can handle that. My husband will be on vacation from school so he can help.
I have a small hello kitty fridge in my room, gonna keep goodies in there.
Hubby has also sacrificed his side of the bed, until i feel better.
I have these small pillows that look like tootsie rolls. I found that if you stack them up, they work like those big ones that stand up and its adjustable!
I already have my PJs I'm wearing for the day. Polka dot pink jammies. But I'm gonna do the enetire house laundry.
I will also use a pill box to put my meds in so I don't have to fit with the bottles. Also gonna get some sippy straws.
Lastly I'm doing the pamper stuff. Getting my hair done(braided and weaved cuz u can't reach up to comb your hair and for me, that can't happen), my hands and nails done, a facial and maybe a massage.

By the time I get through all this, i should be ready for my date with destiny. Keep looking. It could be ANY day now!

So Next week or week after that!

It won't be long now. As a matter of fact, i'm just waiting Monday. Hopefully they will give me a date and a script. I can fill my meds and have them all ready. I hope this goes quickly. I am under this impression that once the balance is paid and my labs are back, it should be right away. I would be ready to go home and come back same day if they did it. lol.

So I think AS SOON as I recover, I am going to try to get my youngest into the headstart down, the school. I'm no teacher and there is no way I can prepare her kindergarten adequately. She needs the social interaction with other kids. I guess I just felt that mother bear instinct. It really hurt her to lose her school like that. So I figured I could teach her at home to avoid anymore unnecessary rejection. Because what they did was intended to punish me but it really hurt her. It was truly in bad form and fashion.

So what did I get done:
Got my hair and nails/toes done.
Got a facial
Bought some new clothes(mostly jean and skirts, 1 dress)
I bought a cool Marvel Comics Sports bra!
Bought laxative, silicone strips,silicone scar gel, house slippers, pill holders.
I found my "Boppy"' that I used for breastfeeding. Turn it around and add a neck pillow and it gives great support for sleeping upright.
I have my lil fridge which I'm gonna stock with goodies to keep me happy, lol.
Cleaned the house, AGAIN!
I just did my laundry, kids didn't have much. He does his own since I "died" his favorite shirt in 2002
Gonna pack a lunch for him to bring with us. I think he will be taking me undercover from the popos. buahahahaa!
I am just so excited that this is going to be a reality.
Because he has been so nice about this, i think I will make helping him a priority. All my lil free money now, since I'm not paying for this anymore will help him get a car and pay his fees. See what being nice gets u fellas. lol

Thank you so much!

First I would like to thank all of you who have been watching and reading. I am so close its amazing. So what happened today:
I woke up surfboarding out of my bed to a 4.4 quake. AWESOME!!! lol. It's nothing like waking up to an earthquake. Lived in Cali all my life. It's like someone attaching a jumper cable to your nipples. I promise. Your eyes pop open so hard you think they might roll back. You body springs out of bed but way too fast for your legs but by now your feet are moving, so roll with it. They carried me in the hallway, where my 12 year old is posted like she dropped a million dollar vase. Mouth open, eyes wide. I make eye contact and shout firmly but not loudly, "It's an earthquake, C'mon" and ushered her to me, as I ran to check on my 4 year old. So she never budged. She just slept through the whole thing. She didn't even roll over as I grabbed her arm to secure her. My husband had already left for class. So My oldest and I go back in the living room and I give her a few pointer on how not to panic and help other who might need it and stay in open spaces, u know the usual. Then she left and it was on to my day.

And you know what day it is!!! HUMP DAY!!!
Wait, my bad, wrong place and time.
It my surgery date!!!!! So I needed to get on the move because I am a little behind my own clock.

I called my doctor(regular) and after being on hold FOREVER, I just drove down there. Because standing between a woman and her dream of breasts can be like standing in the way of a momma bear and her cub. I can not be subjective to my reactions.

So I get there and the pit bulls at the desk. U know let me just say. I am a phlebotomist as well. When I worked in the clinic we were always nice and cheerful. We got good money and we were doing something to help people. We had busy days but every person deserves the respect of good service. >_<
Sorry, baby rant, so I get to the office and I ask should I take my labs over or are they going to be faxed over. So and I'm sorry if I offend any one but this lady, man, this cow is like, "oh, well you have to make an appointment to go over your labs"
First you don't even know when I took my labs.
Next why would you people tell me that and make the appointment before I left the last time?
How can you set an appointment for me if you don't know if my labs are here?

Thank God for decency. There was a woman in the appointment box. It's a lil box of an office next to the vending machine. smh. She was the nicest of anybody. She called up, spoke to the pit bull at the desk, obtained my results but due to hippa she could tell me nothing. Just that they were in. She scheduled me in a cancellation. @2:40pm tomorrow. Lord be with this Dr. cuz if he tell me some nonsense I might homie the clown his ass.

God willing, because He has just been so good to so far. I feel I shouldn't even ask for more. I even returned to my home church, but not because of the surgery, although that was partial, it was because for once in years we were all ready at 11:30 am on a Sunday morning.

So not to get ahead of myself. I called Dr. Taneja's office and asked about the follow up to the consultation. Elxy answered the phone. They are always so pleasant! So I informed her that I was ready to finish paying and wanted to know what to do next. She asked about my lab results and I informed her I would have them Tuesday afternoon. She gave me the best news of all. She told me that if everything goes well, that I can be scheduled for surgery on FRIDAY!!!

Friday! I'm so excited yet scared at the same time. it IS finally my time to go. I found out a few friends got them too. They are being so supportive, as are you all.

I don't know how to thank all of you for helping me stay brave enough to see this through.


So I have some very exciting news and some crazy wack news, so I want to share but it has pictures, which are on my tablet. I am cooking for my kids right now so I can't do it at this moment but stay tuned. :D

Whew! Had a lot to do but here it is!

So I finally got an official date! I will be going in on Monday Afternoon. Only thing that kind of sucks is I have to fast til then and being so small, fasting makes me light headed and nauseous. :P

So last we left off I was waiting for my labs. Everything was jut fine, except my iron was a little low, but it always is. My Dr. just had me go on iron pills and eat more iron rich foods. But the wait there was unbelievable. 4HRS!! But they faxed it over and handed me a copy just in case.

Luckily I was still able to make up to Pasadena to give them the results and my final payment before they closed. So they gave me a date for Monday but Dr. Taneja has to confirm the time. They initially said noon. Hopefully that will happen today or tomorrow.

So I know my husband doesn't have a license to drive and hasn't for a while. But at one point my license was suspended. I still got him to and from his diabetic appts, school, got our kids to school, dr. appts, work. Because it HAD TO BE DONE. I offered him $250 and he said no. Bully for him cuz I hope some magic license fairy is gonna come and hand him money and a ride cuz my car is PARKED. I have done too much for him and he has done too little for me. Getting real tired. -_-

So as my Mama would say "One monkey don't stop no show!"
The great thing about L.A. is you can ride a bus ANYWHERE! So i will be jumping the good ol metro TO my surgery center in Huntington Beach. I hired a driving service for less money and aggravation. and as my good friend would say "I'm Gucci, baby!"

So what have I done in the final days:

I took my girls shopping and for some me time before
I bought a Bikini!!!
I stocked my mini fridge
I caved and got one of those pillows
And then cuz I was there, bought the girls a new bedroom look, new bathroom stuff and a new bedset to match my new pillow!
I went to ULTA, again, lol
Got my meds.
Bought some comfy sweat pants since I'll be on the bus and in the company of strangers, I figured PJ's is not a good look. lol
I'm just gonna wear my zip up Mecca Sweater.
Only thing now is shoes. I have house shoes to wear home, I think I will just wear sandals there. :)
Bought socks and new panties, lol
Did the grocery shopping
Cleaned the house like the law is coming
Told my oldest she is now "Lil Mama."
Told my youngest, "I will only be in the next room and I can HEAR EVERYTHING"
Told My husband "I'll get u my pretty" with that evil eye.
Packed everything in my Fav Hello Kitty Nerd tote bag.
No MJ. -_-
No NRG drinks
No starbucks
I feel like I am dying of sugar shock.
Drinking plenty of water and taking prenatal vitamins
going to church AGAIN on Sunday.
and I think I'm going to sneak in another pedi tomorrow, lol
Oh, and lots of rest in between.

My other swimsuit!

I also wanted to show my other suit. I only wore it once 4 years ago, when I had baby boobs. I also have a lot of video. I just wanted to wait, in case I got cold feet, lol. So stay tuned for that!

One more thing...

My total cost was $3899 but I didn't have to pay for labs. If you have to pay for labs then it can be another $100. There is also a surgical bra that you can purchase for $40 but the black "Fruit of a Loom" sportsbra in my posts is sufficient. She said a dark color was good in case of bleed through, also because it has to be worn a few day w/o a shower. I changed my avatar because that is the peace I am feeling. With having graduated, on a new career path, my family is complete, I got that monkey off my back, and now my boobs! I feel like I am steadily transitioning into this magnificent being!

More changes >_<

So I'm assuming this is natures way of preparing me for all the changes coming in store. So initially everything was going according to plan and then the madness started.

So I had been waiting since yesterday for my confirmation, But I can't be mad, she did say maybe Thursday but definatley by Friday. So when I was in the office I was given a tentative time of 12 pm and this was until I got a confirmation call. So at about 2pm, I get a call from the office that they are scheduling me for 9 am now! Uh oh! I told my ride the tentative time.

So of course because it is a driving service, they had booked the rest of day!

Now He HAS to take me. I'm just gonna drive myself there and he's driving back. No problem cuz I'm gonna be so drugged up, he could look at me stupid til the cows cone home and I wouldn't care, lol. And I mean I asked everybody I possibly could. That's the one downside of being a adoptobrat, u are a long for life. So used to doing everything on my own. But HIPPA, AMA, and Dr. Taneja don't play that.

Here is what they told me in preparation:
Do not eat or drink ANYThING after midnight, not even my iron pill and vitamins
No water or anything
Wear a zip up sweater/shirt
No jeans
Someone has to walk you in and check you out. Physically go to the third floor, stand there and listen to instructions and check you out. Just like when I had the girls.
(Not o get off subject but anytime someone starts with that none sense "not to be blah, blah" the gonna do it anyway. I must have been like my oldest as a baby. She didn't want me to help with anything. Always I can do it. Tie her shoes, put on her pants, but they be on backwards and on the wrong feet. Guess that's genetics, mirroring your strongest traits)

So we debated about why I had to have someone WALk me IN, finally they put Elxy on the line. She was like "now you know we can't just let you walk off on your own." But once she understood I was only ARRIVING on my own but someone was coming to pick me up, it was fine.

I must bring photo ID
Be early because if you are late, you lose your surgery time and $500!

Surgery and recovery can take up to 2-3hours depending on extenuating factors
Bring all my medications including my iron pills
Bring both my sports bras
Loose/comfy clothes and shoes

She also set up my post op at the Pasadena office on the 27th.
She told me also, that they would call me on Tuesday to check in on me
I think that is all she told me. I just want everybody to know their office was so nice and considerate.

Happy Weekend

I am on my tablet, so please excuse they misspelling. My nails are a necessary obstacle. Just can't live withouttem' lol. But anywho.....

I just wanted wish you all a very happy weekend. I feel like I have been cocooned in this body for so long. To know this is the last weekend it will ever be the same is a little bittersweet. There are things I will miss. I can squeeze thru anything! I'm trying....sleeping like a rock on my stomach, which probably helped create the problem...small shirts...that's all I got. Lol

Thank you all for your best wishes and wonderful comments on my writing. I have always been good at articulating my thoughts and feelings. Public speaking is the least of my fears. I appreciate the kinds words and having people to share this experience. There are so many stories and all so brave and powerful. I had to slow down with the comments cuz I started to look like a stalker, lmaooo. But I am so glad to be part of this community and can't wait till these 48 are over. 72 hours from now, I'll be eating or sleeping in my NEW BOOBIES! I hope I won't be groping myself inapproprietly for too long. I'm grab by, so I'm sure I'll be poking and squeezing the first 48! Lmaooooo!
¡Tenga un buen fin de semana!

Just some random stuff...

So in anticipation of my new body, I started thinking about all the cute dresses and outfits I could not wear. Some of it is new. Some of it I've had for years. But I am so excited about this change in my life. Seems like this weekend is taking forever. Well the upside is that for me, its first thing in the morning. We are leaving as soon as my oldest daughter leaves for school. Then my husband, my youngest and I will head down the 10 to the 110 to the 405 (>_

Less than 1 day: Part 1(4real, there will be a part 2)

It's 3am on Saturday morning and I just woke up. So I have done pretty much everything I need to do. I haven't made my bed yet. So at 3 am I'm stripping off all my sheets and putting my new bed together. I have been having a scary thought. If I have to fast from the night before without even drinking ANY water, how am I gonna take the pregnancy test? Like I don't pee a lot. Maybe three time in a day. So when I go in the morning I usually don't have to go till afternoon. Especially if I haven't had anything to drink.

I can say I got a case of the jitters yesterday. I don't know. It was like all at once it hit me that my body was forever. What if I didn't like it? What are the people at my church gonna think? Not like it REALLY matters but some of these people I have known for years. I hope they don't change their opinion of me. It was more thinking about the limited ability and the pain. I keep thinking of how dependent I am going to be. I hate asking people for anything. Even my own family. As you can tell by my posts I am used to that stabbing feeling but in my back not my chest. So I am very apprehensive about ANYONE doing anything for me.

When I was 25. I had my oldest daughter through emergency c-section. This was my first experience ever being cut open. We had been in the process of moving when I went into labor and all our stuff was in storage. At the time my husband was working and could not get all the stuff I needed out. 72 hours after being sliced like a jack lantern I was up, out of the hospital, climbed up on top about 10 feet of stuff, rummaging through boxes to retrieve things like our bassinet, bags of clothes and toys. My second child I was 33 and had a waking c-section. My husband is a diabetic and had a episode 2nd day so I had to come home less than 24 hours after a c-section to care for EVERYBODY by myself. Not to mention getting shot at, stabbed, falling off bikes, falling off roofs, falling period, knocking my front teeth out and having them removed and replaced, years of physical abuse and just being a life long klutz. I think, I hope, I know I can do this.

It's just so new to my body. I hope my body will accept the implants and I do all the right things. want this to work out so bad. I just want it to be uneventful and easy going.

I can dream. :)

Less than 24 hours, Part 2

So see I told ya I'd be back. I'm not a religious fanatic but it seemed like all day God has been talking to me. Like on TV, the movies had a theme of redemption, church was about staying the course. The news all of a sudden goes to Huntington n Beach for a weather remote. Just everything seems to be lining up like a Blvd full of green lights.

So as stated I made it in to church. This time it was about the surgery. I have always had a kind of loose relationship with God. He has shown me many miracles and exhibitions of faith. I led quite a pretty party driven life, kinda how I ended up addicted to the party, I guess. But I always tried to do right or had good intentions. :-) But we all know how that goes. So of course I'm a little nervous about messing with his infinite design. I Am thankful for my body. I AM Beautiful just the way I am.

If toned it up I'd be near perfect. I know that sounds vain, but hell, I guess I am. Would I be doing this if I wasn't? But what I was saying is, I'm 5'8 and now 115lbs, I wear a size one. I'm literally a clothes hanger with feet. Now this was awesome back in the day. This was my party body. And now when I look at this body that's what I see. Like after a bad break up my body needs healing. This is part of that process.

What do I expect tomorrow:

Good Mowning!

I'm up. Yep, I woke up at 3am to go pee, nice. All I could say is "crap!!" So now, I just hope I'll have to go when I get there. They say a 45 min drive but the way I drive it'll be more like a half hour if we hit no bad traffic. But u don't play with L.A. rush hour.

I showered in my dial soap. Never been this ashy in my whole life. My skin actually squeaked when I got out. I can't wait to get home to lotion up. I feel like my skin is as brittle as glass. Kinda hungry. :( was hoping that wouldn't come till closer to 9am.

So now, I'm just waiting to leave. I hope this guy can maintain his lane and not be a backseat driver. Don't need that stress right now. Talk to y'all when i get back, oh, btw, now, I'm getting sleepy and it's 6am, the time I WANTED to get up. >_


Okay, so I'll start from the beginning:
I woke u and stayed up till we left at 7am. I had no idea how close HB was or that Mapquest could be right!!

So I check in and they have me show my ID and fill out like 20 pages of medical legalise. Then they took me back and I had a talk to the RN named Kathryn, I'll tell you why that was important in a minute.

Then I have to wait for the surgery room to clear. They gave me a Real "Toasty" blanket and I kicked it and watched LMAD. I love Wayne Brady.

Maybe about 30 mins in Tim, the knock out man comes with his kit of goodies. Just to install the IV. Then right as LMAD goes off, it's my time!!

So I go in and lay like I am on the cross. If you have ever had a emergency c-section, its the same thing. If not, you lay on a gurney with your arms out to yor side. Well next thing I remember was asking him "Hey, are you doing it already?"

This was about 10am and I was back up in recovery at 11am. And yes, I cried, like a baby. Not from the pain but knowing it was over. This part of my life was over. No one making okes at me or looking at clothes I'll never buy. No more looking at women from the chest up. Hubby drove me home. Made me dinner and kept sneak peeking in on me. A couple of times I woke with my mouth wiffe open, mid snore and his was staring me in the face. CCRRREEEEPPPYYYY!

My lil one said "WHHHOOOOAAA!" as she pointed to my new additions.

Sorry it took so long to up date. Day 1 I just took pix and let my friends and fam know I was ok. Cuz them pills had me gone. Yesterday, I had to run errands and even drove. Not far but I was not on meds at the time.

So I am going to divide the pictures from day 1 and day 2

pictures day one

my day one pictures

my day 2 pictures-3/25

My day 3-3/26

You'll notice here I am wearing the band. This is to push the girl closer as they heall to develop more pronounced cleavage. I feel great today. Lifting hand and arms, need lil to no assistance, just the way I like it. :)

ooooppps! -_-

I pushed the button b4 attaching the pix. These are from today 3/26

my first look! :O

So of course cuz I'm tat kid that is way too quiet and its like " What is she doing?" lol
So I had to look. I was pleasently surprised. I kind of expected to see a trainwreck. Smuzhed op skin, misshapen and just a mess. It just looked like I am super engorged. It feels like that too. Feels like I need to breast feed but I have been playing tennis all day. Getting up and going to the bathroom and everything has been a breeze. I keep thinking this should be harder. Speaking of harder. These things are like bricks. But my instincts keep making me massage them like when I was breastfeeding and that makes it better. So if I had to compare it to something, yesturday was basketball hard, today is like beach ball hard. I tried "jogging" up my stairs to see if they bounce, not yet. I do have this squishy feeling/sound that can be heard if you squeeze hard at the crease. I don't expect to much change this week. I have a band that I have been wearing every few hours. The Dr. didn't give it to me or recommend it so I'm using it lightly until he gives me the OK. I can feel them when I bend over. That is funny. Getting used to boobs is fun, like wiping your face and bumping a boob. Bumping a boob into a door. Reaching for something and remembering you have Boobs!!

Although I have been looking and feeling like I wanted to go biggier, like 550cc. Looking at it against my frame it just seems perfect. I am scared of shrinkage. Is there a way to go 50-100cc bigger without going back under? I heard they could go in with a microsyringe. But that makes me think that will damage the integrity of the implant. Also, I'm not seeing the cleavage I thought I would get.

But all of this sound a bit ungrateful. This could all change over time. I am only 72 hours out. I have my first post op appointment, so I guess I can address those issues there. Do any of you ladies know how to encourage cleavage in the recovery process?

Thanks for sticking in with me!

My First Post Op 3 Days!

Today was my first post op appointment. I still can't believe I did it!! Although they are still very high I can manipulate them very well. I found the Dr. and assistants to have been waaay more gentle then myself. Not that I'm doing a battery of tests of them but I'm not babying them either. Like whenever I feel like it, I just massage them. Not heavy duty but like when i was breastfeeding and they would harden up. Same thing. Engorgement is the perfect description except, it never goes away. :)

Its a good and bad pain. Same as the look. You know that only time will reveal what you are trying to see but you're already starting to like it feeling? Almost like the best haircut you've ever ha. At first, it's shocking, but you turn, and wink and viola! I am in love with my new body. I know it will take some time but I am really starting to like them. I can say I drift between thinking I should have gotten 100cc's more or not. Sometimes I look and think,"Oh, they're gonna shrink and be small" The I feel when they d/f they are gonna be plump and full." Either way, I am not complaining. This has been so awesome, even through the pain.

So what's happening:
Today I had my post op. Dr., told me to stay on light activities, no lifting, he wanted me to lotion or oil them but not the massages yet. He said I am doing exceptionally well at my stage of recovery. He advised me to use Vit E and taper off the pain meds. Which I was doing anyway. They trimmed the edges of my stitches but did not take them out. I am to wash carefully and eventually the stitches will absorb. Then I will put on the steri strips and silicon gel from cvs.

Ihave an appointment in 2 weeks to do massages. and a check up. so far so good. I hope the nudity doesn't offend yall too much, lol. For once I wasn't ashamed, notice the brighter lighting. Even in this stage, I am so satisfied. :)

A little dress up!

After a warm shower and a nap I wanted to take a look at my new body in some clothes. OMG!!! My body is so freaking hot!!! I know it is not a good thing to be vain, but everybody gets one shot. I can't wait till I heal up to go shopping for some sexy lingerie and dresses. It totally evened my body out. I have to admit there are times I feel a little woosey but not nauseous. Sometimes they feels so hard they will pop but I jut squeeze them or massage them.

Now I really want to heal to buy new bras and business wear, so I can get a new job to be able afford the new fun me. I want to go on a cruise and take one of those deck pictures, lol. I want to go on a shopping spree at VS. I want to sunbathe, yup, I do. I thik I just want to be naked outside but yup. I would like to wear a swimsuit IN the water. Going in would mean no padding. As I got older I stopped going in. This evening I am wearing a nightslip like my mom used to wear. it is so comfy but before it could never fit. Looked like I was in grandma's slip. Now...sexy. :D

Just a bit of pain

So today is day 5 and I feel pretty good. I am now starting to feel some of the pain. I get a lo of pain in the upper pole area. Some on the sides. After I took the shower I put on the white sportsbra but it didn't have enough support. So back in the black bra. I can really feel them when i bend over to pick up something or bend past my waist. I get scared and lean back up. I don't know what I am scared of. I think that they will dettatch or something. Then I get scared now rubbing and massaging. I think this is a good thing because it makes them feel better but the Dr. and some of you say do nothing. It hurts to not do anything. I have a strap I wear no more than once a day, an hour. I feel like the right one is coming along a little better. Its softer and moves more. The left one is still pretty high. still day 5. I know I have to be patient.

I have been taking walks. Short ones but just to get out and get some fresh air. I have been laying off the pain pills. I was taking them on schedule 4 times a day. Now I am taking them maybe twice at most three times a day. Didn't need the nasuea pills. been doing little exercises like lifting my arms slightly, opening them to the sides, and arching my back. I did notice i can do the "Rock" muscle thing. Not like i was trying but I got a spasm that made it happen so I tried it myself and was like "WOW!!" Not gonna keep doing that.

I think I am going to make a new youtube channel just for my boob clips. I'm not sure I want it directly connected to all my other stuff. Not like that but, I want this journey to be just about boobs. Not any of my other personal blah, blah.

Finally, I think I will work from home at least until I feel better driving. I need to be able to drive without any pain. I travel a lot. For some reason, i work in a lab but I spend a lot of time travelling to different places. I just need to learn to relax. >_

just a quickie

I just wanted to write a small update before I went to bed. Just to tell all off yu ladies how much I appreciate you and your advice. It means a lot to have someone to share your experience with. It is great to have someone who understands your journey and applauds it. It feels good to be surrounded by so many strong individuals. And I just wanted you all to know that. That is why i too the time to answer every response personally. I thought, you took enough time to wish me well, and give me advice. The least I could do is let you know how much it means. So thank you all and I will kepp you updated and I will create that channel.

Been a rough couple of days.

So today is day 6 and I am REALLY trying to wear this strap but its making it hard to breathe and making my chest hurt. I have a cold now and my asthma is trying to act up. Not sure I can keep it on. But I really feel like I needed to be wrapped up. My boobs seemed to be moving further into my armpits. And the space in my sternum is getting wider. So I bandaged myself. I have been wearing it since this morning but it is really hard to breathe.

Yesterday My husband and I got into it. Not like a huge fight but more of I had a lot of crap to say and was just fed up with the bull. Also my 12 year old because she is constantly instigating her lil sister and will sit there and just watch her struggle with stuff. Also cleaning up after herself.

sleeping has been miserable. I may sleep 3-4 hrs a night. But its choppy sleep. and I wake up cranky and sore. I knew this would be no picnic but this is torture.

I just wanna fast forward thru april. I found out that I have been giving confidence points! I am happy that my review is helping some of your make your decision. That is why i wanted to do this. I promise I will pu those videos up but right now just too much pain.

gonna lay down now. Maybe more later. :P

1 Week Anniversary

Needless to say NOBODY around here is as excited as I am. And you guys here! I love that. Like a secret girl's club where we stand united under our boob front, lol.

So me and the strap have been fighting back and forth. My cold is just starting to clear up. But it just HURTS! I mean really hurts. So I have been doing more listening to my body than anything else. Like if I feel like they need to rest than I let em hang. not for more than an hour a day but it's making a small difference. I strap them down once a day too but only as long as I can stand it. Today was an hour. But I am always massaging. It never stops. I just do it now. I hope I remember to not do this in public somewhere. I just squeeze them and push them in from the sides. Like I do it in the elevator, in the car, in the livingroom, and u name it but I kind of feel its like scratching ur butt. Nobody has to see you do it. :)

The have been getting a lot softer. I can take my hands on the side and push up and in and they jiggle. :) That's fun. I bend over a lot to make them not feel so weird. But they are still very high. I sleep on my side now without pain. Yay!! But straight on my back is impossible. They are heavy, lol. I think that was the pain in the middle because the more I sleep on my side the less it hurts.

This week is going to be a lot better I can just tell. They still have that spongebob squareboob thing going but now they are at least manageable. I didn't make it to church this week but I am sure I'll be there next week. One of my church members friended me on yelp, so now I know they know and the yellow swimsuit picture is up there sooooo, but I love that picture, I think my body looked amazing for 72 hours out. Ijs,lol

I have been having more sensitivity in my left nipple. Like super sensitivity. The other is just the same as before.

I have been looking for a job from home and getting stuff together to re-enroll lil mama back in school. She needs that social interaction. My husband has been trying to be better. Not much else to say I guess.

Thanks for reading, Chat to ya later

hey! Now I see it!

After I posted my pix I decided to go back and check em out. I can see the difference . They are dropping and fluffing nicely too. They don't look as boxy on film. I can definitely see now the progress over the last week! Very happy! :D

Uh Oh!

I think I massaged too hard. I'm leaking. :( gonna go to Dr.

just got back...

Just got back and the Dr. Said...
Happy April Fool you sillyheads!
I did feel really guilty but I'm a terrible joker, sorry. Hope I didn't scare y'all to much.

So today was cool. I found mondor's cord. Slight but under my left breast but no pain. I only took one pill all today. They are getting softer and more moveable. I included a couple pix of my old bras on new boobs, lol. Really gotta do my hair, real ratchet right now. Being limited in my movements is killing me. Still taking vit e 3times a day and oiling up with it. But i had stretchmarks from before when i was breastfeeding that I see that are far less prominent since they are filled up!

Hey! Been an interesting few days

So this is day 11. This is just such a learning experience. So at almost the 2 week mark, I would like to answer some questions that I had prior to my surgery to women post surgery.

The most intriguing question I had was "Can you feel the implants?"

Well I can answer that in two ways. Can I feel them in my body? No. Like I don't feel them on my chest wall. They do not move out of place when I move. When I cough or sneeze, I can feel my muscle kind of push them up or out. I snuck in a cigarette and I could feel my chest tightening around my implants. So that is the reason you should not smoke. When I sleep sometimes I wind up on my back, I can feel them like they are just sitting up there like balls on my chest and that is not comfortable.

I can feel them when I press in hard underneath or from the sides. I can feel them press against the space between my sternum when I push them together. I can not feel them when I jump up and down or shake side to side. There is no swishy sound. They soften a little more everyday if you knead and squeeze them often. They are not heavy walking around but when I bend over to pet my dog or something below my waist then I can feel the weight. It is not a big weight but you just know your center of gravity is different. Which in turn does a number on your equilibrium, so be prepared to kind of stumble around a bit til you get used to it. Also when I bend over, it does feel like they are an object pushing out against your muscle but I imagine that will go away over time.

It will take 90 days before they will reach their favored destination. So I am trying to be patient. I wore my band too long or too tight or both and it made them real swollen. No bueno. :( So I have been doing it every other day and only for a couple of hours at a time. At first I felt i may be behind in my recovery progress but now as I look, it is apparent this is like preggie belly. It takes months before you see anything really worthwhile. Like that first trimester where you are breaking your back to make a belly just to see where you'll be in a few months. So I have been just trying to keep busy and not obsess over it.

I am so impatient. So on the night of the 8th day, I couldn't take my steri-strips anymore. I took them off after a shower. They were not on there real good and they just looked so dirty. So I took them off and applied scar gel and silicone scar strips and called the Dr. the next morning to double check. She told me they don't recommend that I take them off and since I did to just replace them with paper tape from my first aid kit. I was elated until I got to my kit and found out we are all out cuz somebody decided to use it as trim for a freaking project and not tell anyone!!! ARGH!!! >_<

So I still have on my silicone scar strips. Just a fyi because I am such a savage that when I got them, I opened them like it was christmas and I was was an orphan, and threw the directions to the wind. Scar strip are not as easy as they look. So to explain for those that might be in the bathroom mirror looking like "Wait. What?!"

Clean the area well, no lotion, no oil.
Let it dry
Next there are 2(TWO) sides that need to be pulled off like a decal. (my duh moment, that took twenty minutes to figure out!)
Measure you strip and cut accordingly
Try to leave the opaque side alone
Peel the clear side and gently place on scar(no need for scar gel, it's already on there!)
Secure by running finger over strip
When placed properly, GENTLY peel the opaque side and

They let me do gentle massages. So i have been doing that at least 3 times a day but I'm sure its more but that's the very least. I was given the OK to star on my 9th day. I have been doing the massages I have seen online but not as hard and as long because I don't go for my next post op until April 10th and he will give me further instructions.

I don't use ice so much. Nor do I use the pain pills. Like I had a few rough days where I did too much. Running with the kids, driving, shopping. Like I took my girl Easter shopping. Holing the dresses was killing me. But I'm trying to stay straight cuz my 12 year old is right there. And I don't know about yall, but I try to stay on point cuz if they smell blood in the water...
And as far as this generation goes 40 is the new DEATH!!! smh smdh x_x
But yeah, the smallest things for extended times, go ahead, write your will, say your goodbyes...#dead
I took that pain pill that day and slept like I was sleeping for profit. HARD!!

So what to do for relief. Because there are these times when they just tighten up. Like "OMG! Lemme go!" "Quit resisting" LAPD vice grip >_<

I used to shower a lot. Now I take bathes as well. I mean cuz that sounds all weird. I remember on really tough days to take a bath instead of a shower. It really helps to let the girls just soak in a nice hot bath. I find after they relax and feel more squishy. And stay that way. But I love showers so I'm working out a plan.

I am now just taking the vit E orally and oiling up with Palmer's Skin therapy oil. OMG!!! I love this stuff. The Vit E felt thick and soon as I put it on, I wanted to take it off. But this stuff feels like velvet and smells like some kind of cocoa confection. Like this line tutti dulce that used to be at bath and body works. Its very decadent. Its an all over body oil that "promises" to lighten scars, stretch mark and acne scars. We'll see. Tomboy trying to make up for decades of body abuse coming through. Imma put it to work.

The Mondor's cord is still there. Maybe a bit more prominent but I still believe it will dissipate over time.

On a more personal level, I found a new school for my baby!! She is so excited as am I. That's what's been lagging with the updates and also getting this dress started. I also am crocheting my lil bird something very cute. When I finish i will post it.

My husband and I are in this weird "holding pattern" where everything is "fine". Not great, could be better but at least we are civil and nice, everything is "fine" I'm with it, my attentions are elsewhere right now.

My oldest will take the SAT in May. She's only 12 in the 7th grade!! I am so proud but nervous. She is so cool and nonchalant. It's totally not phasing her. I wish I had her poise.

Sorry about the videos. I am just swampped but i am still recording. So they are happening but not getting published. Wait. What!? Just hang in there and I'll have them for ya. Bad hair and makeup and all. o_0

Finally, I am posting quite a few pictures. They will bring you all visually up to date.

Am I coming along ok?

I hope all you ladies are having a wonderful Sunday. So tomorrow will be my 2 week post op benchmark.

Well, I still can't believe I actually did it!!

But now after the fanfare and parade! The reality hit like a sack of bricks.

The first week was microhell! My pain was manageable most of the time. I didn't need as much help as I thought I would and wasn't as out of it as I thought. But those first few days I was running on autopilot. Sort of like when I was drinking. I was functional. Holding conversations, doing business but remember next to nothing. I didn't drive until I was able to work without taking the medications. My 4 year old has been very forgiving since we can't do all the fun stuff but we go to the park and play every Saturday so she is cool. But I felt bad when I couldn't lift her up to see something that was up high. Things like picking up a gallon of milk or shopping and holding the clothes while walking around, became almost draining experiences. Even driving, when i was able was too much. I could only run a few errands at a time. Lots of groping and massaging. Oiling and massaging.

So this week was more of an experimental week. I wanted to find my comfort zone. The second week i didn't experience much pain unless I overexerted myself. So I tried a little bit of everything. I tried wearing a makeshift band made with an oversized ace bandage designed for legs or thighs, from a previous injury. It worked relatively well, but started causing me breathing problems due to a cold. I tried letting them breathe at night which feels really good. It's like letting them out of a suit or a pair of high heels. I can literally hear them say "ahhhh" Yesterday i even went the whole day without a bra. And using the strap without my bra seemed to work better and feel more comfortable.

So now I approach week two with a few questions now.

Do you think I am dropping and fluffing accordingly? The little shelf area in my upper pole is making me nervous. I am wondering is this part of the process or is this the way High Profiles look? I want just a little more slope in the upper pole.

Do you see how the left breast is slightly bigger than the right breast? It looks a little higher too. In the beginning it always felt harder than the other. Should I be concerned? I am definitely going to ask all these questions at my post op but I want to make sure I'm not imagining things.

Do they still seem too round? Shouldn't they be starting to settle in? Or is it because of the way high profiles are designed that the saline never deposits that low?

I really thought I had done all my research but now I feel like I did no research at all.
So much I thought I knew or understood but it all seems so different on the other side.

Funny things I noticed.
Its a weird experience when you sneeze! Can't explain it and its just weird.
Bending over feels weird. Like something pressing against your muscle, i guess cuz it is! lol
Pressing them down seems to help the Mondor's cord.

How big does Mondor's cord get? It started off small and now it's getting bigger. And now it hurts right under my breast over my ribs. Like I got gut punched. Been taking Advil and massaging with warm bathes.

So to sum it up, I still feel really self conscious when I am out in regular clothes or anything that is form fitting, only because they are still very high. But if not for that, i would be very pleased. Though they are not as soft as I'd like or in their proper place, I am still very happy with the way they look on my body. I am hoping that maybe I am still a bit swollen. When I had oral surgery, it took over a month for my gums to not swell so they could fit my teeth. So hopefully, the swelling will go down, if any, they will gradually become softer as they descend and the area that looks so weird will slope down.

Still money well spent and I know that everyday I'm changing, so I'll just have to wait and see. But I would still love your opinions. BTW, Do you still think I could be swollen?

OMG! WTH happened?!! Look at my right breast.

So I took a bath and oiled and did my massages and woke up to my right boob being VeRY weird. So it was very soft and i could actually feel the implants weight in the fold of my breasts. I have been scared to touch it or move it. I only took my bra off to show you pix. Is this the mystical drop? Do you actually feel the implant in the crease a little. Like what i feel from the inside is that there is a object on my chest but lower now. Like my muscle has kind of let it go but not all the way. It almost feels like it is sliding a bit in there. There is a lot of loose skin around it. I am a bit scared. It totally doesn't look normal. I will definitely be calling the Dr tomorrow.

whew, that was scary. :-) But no worries, I'm dropping!

So I called Dr. Taneja and he set my mind at ease. This is just dropping/fluffing. I literally felt my muscle relax and let it go. That's what made me scared because you can feel the implant move. But this is okay. Eventually it settles itself. I even slept with no bra and on my belly for a bit. It DID make them a bit softer. You can tell because the implant moves just a bit further down, like now I have to watch my arms not to hit them. Also your nipples won't face downward. The skin will feel much looser. I thought it had detached. But nope, everything is all good. And now the left is starting to do it too. I am doing exercises at least three times but maybe four times a day. So there you have it. Drop and fluff. It will happen kind of all of a sudden then hardly at all. Patience. We'll make it. Together. :-)

OMG! DO u see that!?!

I was looking again at my past pix. Just look at the difference a couple of days, some massage and a couple of hot baths can do. You can totally see how they have relaxed and are starting to take shape. Even the left one has made amazing progress in just the Las 2 days. So funny to see how paranoid I was justb48 hours ago. But now that I can actually see this fabled "drop and fluff" for myself, it's like unicorns...I believe! I am sooooooo happy now. :-)

Dr. appointment today! Thumbs up! Boobs down!

So today I had a post op appointment. This would make it righ between 2 and 3 weeks! I know u can see the counter above but it's just so exciting to be on the other side! I can remember going through all the people who had specs like mines and wondering... "Will I look like that?"

You know what I learned. Boobs are just like any other part of the body. Think about it. Your booty doesn't look like your mom's? Your legs don't look like your dad. Genetics have a strong influence but once you become an adult, now YOU influence your looks. Bad behaviors, lack of exercise, bad eating, all affect our expected outcomes. For example, I am very active. My third day, I was driving. But later that day, I tried to sweep and clean a bit and felt a LOT of pain. I also noticed when I relaxed and started acting like I had a major surgery done, my body started doing the work.

So try, very hard to take time to do what the surgeon asks. I forgot and picked up a gallon of milk and felt like my boob was gonna pop out. Even driving. I only go short distances and try not to parallel park but....I live in L.A. >_<

So what happened today. I will say, they don't spend nearly as much time on you post op. :-) I waited quite a bit only to see the Dr. For about 20 mins. But he makes every minute count. He had me undress and its so weird because I'm married and have been for 12 years. I have never undressed in front of anyone in that time but him(male), now females, no hods barred we all got the same stuff, lol. But the Dr. Makes you feel so at ease. So he had me undress and asked if I had any questions. (Wait I read that and it sounded weird. He was not in the room when I got into the gown but I'm talking about removing the gown to show my new twins, lol). So I only had a few since he had been so helpful thus far. I asked about the silicone strips and he really liked them. He said he lkked them more than the steri-strips!He showed me some exercises and told me that I could find more online and to continue 3 times a day until my next appointment in a month. He said they are dropping nicely but he wants me in a under wire bra after our next appointment. He told me I looked like a super model! Of course cuz I don't know compliments when they hit me, I was like "awww, nah, nah, not me." But I have to admit, I am loving "MyLook"! And to make it even better! When I was on my way out, making my next appt, they gave me this awesome shirt,!! She was like we only have it in medium, I was like I'll take it! I can fill it out now! And it's perfect! Perfect fit. I wouldn't even care that people know my girls aren't real. Anyone who knew me 3 weeks ago knows that. And anyone who's seen me post op either knows or thinks I'm smuggling lil bald black midgets under my shirts.

They are dropping so nicely and I can see now that they are going to be real nice. Even some swelling that was still around has started to go down. So now they don't look HUGE! I was a little nervous. Don't want saggies or back issues later on. 450cc is considered med-large. I am very small, lol. But I have been working on gaining a bit of weight. Been eating EVERYTHING! But was wondering am I more hungry because my body is stretching like growing more skin for my breast? Trying to get my booty back. I am flat as a board back there. ( ¡ ) smh

So that's about it. Not much else happened today. I guess my next update may not be for a couple of weeks when I go bra shopping or if something major happens or if I find something else I have been dying to wear so I can post like Stuart from MadTv "Look what I can do" with the lil dance! Thanks so much for reading and I am now working on posting those videos. I have FINALLY made up my mind to create a channel just for them but now I am stuck in windows media editing hell for the next few days to get it all compressed and web ready. I will post the link or videos when they are ready. :-)
Is now #boobs4me
Or maybe it should be
So happy right now! :-)
Now I will add photos seperate because I have a lot today. 4 from yesturday in my marvel comics sportsbra and several from today!

Pictures in my Marvel Comics Sportsbra

Because this sportsbra is sooo awesome, I like to chart my progress in it! Its a medium size but I kind of wish I had bought a small. So as you can see from the previous pictures with this bra, I am dropping. They are filling out on the bottom. I love how Spidey is like right there! Perfect placement, lol. I will be looking for a Hello Kitty bra soon. :-)

My new shirt!

Of course I had to show you my shirt! I love it! I also included a couple pics in my black bra I came home in and how I wore it today. Reason being, I found it hard to style up and you're still healing. I found tank tops and coordinating sportsbras are a great way to look caual and be comfortable. If you try to wear clothes that fit your boobs, you may find they make you look pregnant or overweight. Also, your boobs may still be swollen and buying clothes at this time may be a waste later. So if you live in a warmer climate like me, this should be easy but if you live in the cold, now what? Layers. Try wearing a blouse with a scarf, or even a small over coat. So that's it. :-)

and of course, some nudies!

So any excuse to take my top off. :-) j/k but I did really think its important to continually show you as I am seeing changes. In tops is one thing but topless actually shows you everything. I hope you can see good. It's in my bathroom, and the lighting is very bad. But take a moment to look at my pictures from previous updates and you can really see how much change has occurred. I'm less than 3 weeks in. So just stick in there and massage, massage, and massage! It will happen.

Over 3 weeks! :D

It's been a little over 3 weeks and I am finally NOT freaking out. I mean REALLY! For a bit, I was freaking out about the pace of my recovery's progression. This does take time. And like I've been hearing so many say, each day is different. I feel softer and more natural as the days go by. I have learned to stop obsessing. Just enjoy it.

Doing the massages, you can feel how they are starting to become softer and fuller. It almost feels like it's disappearing. Sleeping is still a pain. It's like I'm fighting in my sleep. I wake up twisted up and sore. I try sleeping on my sides but that eventually leads me to try to roll over.

They have finally started to drop to where I don't see that "shelf" thing going on. They jiggle a bit when I walk. They bounce when I jump. But they are still pretty high and round. I tried on one of my bras I bought to wear later. A 36c. I think I will end up a 34C. That is PERFECT!!! The bra was a little loose and my boobs hadn't quite dropped enough to fit the cup. So i will wait until May before I do any bra shopping, after I get sized at VS, of course!

I put on a dress yesterday that I wore when I was breastfeeding. I had a picture myself in it and was always disappointed that i could not wear it properly anymore. My protruding sternum and prominent rib cage made the dress a nightmare. For the first time, even when I was breastfeeding, cuz I was always worried about a leak, did I have the confidence to wear it, without a sweater, outside, without looking down to check them once. I am so glad, i never have to shift a pad or squish or be uncomfortable again.

It feels good to just be comfy. I can't wait till the end of may when I should be 60 days or more. This is pretty much the benchmark for if something may be going wrong. The Mordor's cord i temporary, so that no issue. My scars are healing great! My twins are dropping into place, even lefty. No loss of sensation in my nipples. No hardening/cc. I guess just stay the course and everything should be fine. :)

wow! been gone awhile

It's been over a month since I last updated. But don't worry, got plenty of pix! So i hope you all have been very well. If any of you have gone in, good luck and happy recovery.

I have to say that this has absolutely been the best decision of my life. I feel so much more confident. I don't look at other women from the chest up anymore. I used to wear clothes that were waaaaaay too big. I realized i had been compensating my whole life. I had always thought I was a 34b. Somewhere way back when i was a girl, I think I upsized my band just to sound bigger. My pants, most were all the wrong size. I am really a size 1 or 3 depending on the maker. 3's fit kinda baggy. Tshirts, tshirts, and more tshirts. Nothing form flattering. But no more. Not saying I'm out there parading around with all my goodies hanging out but if i could, i ain't gonna lie, I probably would. ahaahaaha!

So let's start with our favorite subject...SHOPPING!!!!
So i had intentions on going to VS to get sized for a bra. That dream was shattered when I arrived at The Grove only to find they removed the store. ARGH!!!! So rather than going to the mall, i stayed at The Grove and went to Nordstrom. They had a very helpful sale associate who actually sized me up. GUESS WHAT!!!!!! I am a ...32DDD! I couldn't believe it. i tried to maintain my composure. So she showed me a couple of floor models(cuz DDD bras cost as much as car payments!) and we decided to move ti on over to the clearance rack, where I still spent over $80 on 3 freaking bras!!!!! But now that i have my size, I can buy online!

SIDE NOTE: People don't tell ya much about the bra sizing/shopping thing. Most DD and DDD sizes have large band sizes. It is almost impossible to find small band size, big cup. I would recommend you go get sized at VS or a department store and then purchase your bras online in the proper size. Les frustrating, less expensive, more selection. Also take about a note($100) so you can purchase at least one good bra from the store.

The next thing we'll cover is the D/F (Drop and Fluff)

So hopefully this will start to occur for everyone about 3 weeks in. I remember the night I actually felt my implants beginning to drop into place. It does feel like the are sliding down your chest a bit. Because they are. So this has been one of the biggest body experiences outside of pregnancy. So let's just start with some facts I have found that will alleviate some of the questions we all share in the very beginning.

Most of us started as A or B cups. That's not much fat, not much skin. It takes time for the body to stretch skin to create the breast we are trying to shove in there. It takes years and sometimes pregnancies to create a D, DD, DDD or above cup. The body has had time to mold and shape itself, without being rushed or forced. Once your body goes through something like this, it has to first take time to heal from the surgery itself. Then it needs to realize what,s happening and assess the situation to give the body what it needs to be normal again. Once the body "accepts" the implants, it starts on the process of making it your own. Your muscles release and allow the implant to settle. As the skin expands, the implants drop into the "boob" part.

MASSAGE IS KEY!!!! You have to massage and hard. I don't baby them at all. I grope them, squeeze them, lift them(that' so awesome to say that!), and tug them around when i massage. I think about the fact that they are meant to be boobs and boobs move, jiggle , wiggle, bounce, shake and every other movement you can think about. I still try to massage at least 3 times a day and for about 5 minutes at a time.

The Mondors Chord is totally gone. and has been for about 2 weeks or so. But that boob is a little higher. I wonder if this may have caused that. I asked Dr. Taneja, he said its possible but not to worry because I am still in the D/F. But he did say that I am almost there. So I can say by June I should have my final results.

Yesterday was my 3rd post op. Dr. Taneja is such a nice guy. He's funny and gentle natured but honest and just all around good people. Elxy and all the nursing staff too. The last couple of times I went it was a bit of a wait but yesterday, I was in 15-20mins. The nurse was so sweet and answered so many of my questions before the Dr. even came in. We were laughing and chatting like old friends, despite the fact I'm standing there topless. Which NEVER would have happened before. I hated leaving my shirt/bra off for seconds, let alone minutes, in front of someone, even my husband. So he came in after a bit, smiling as usual. He has a great smile and breathtaking eyes. But enough, cuz its starting to sound creepy. Once again, I thought about the first time I consulted with him and how shy i was when removing the gown. This time it was like "Look at me!" He gave me the once over and asked if i had any questions...and u know i did. So after a million questions, he said I should have nothing to worry about. I was healing surprisingly fast since my scars are healed and they are dropping normally. He said they are probably gonna get just a bit softer but not much because i got an overfill. He also told me that they will stay round because i have HP. He also said to continue my massages and focus my attention primarily on lefty. I don't get to see my buddies till the end of the summer. August. I also asked him about the knot on my head. He said that he needs a CATscan to be sure but it may be an osteoma. A calcified, mineralized, bony growth on my skull that would have to be chiseled away and shaved down. Hmmmmmm, don't know about that. Even he told me he would advise it. He even said it wasn't that noticeable. Awwww. If you ask me, It's like being a lopsided unicorn.

So next month I will be going to NV. Got fambam out there but you know I'm going for the pools. hahahahaaha! But 4 real though, this is gonna be deep. I saw my aunt who came out for Easter and she got one 2 so she was totally cool. She's that cool aunt that is just a little older. She gave me one of my first cars, I knew she was pregnant before anybody or she even knew what to do. So in June, I'm gonna see my "Foster" mom(I hate putting that there, cuz she is MOM. She took care of me, fed me, put up with my crap and has ALWAYS believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself), I didn't tell her about this. She's in her 80's. I can't wait for her to meet my babies. She has never seen my children cuz she lives so far away and my bullcrap and finances kept me on this side of the coast. But by the grace of God, she is travelling from her home and the least I can do is meet here there.

I also have been doing work back at my school. Not much but it was good to be back and see some of my friends(that didn't graduate, j/k, they would laugh. we joke like that) and my teacher "mom". While I was there, and she saw my twins and was like, ur a nut, she told me about a job, working for the city, in water treatment. This is great. But at the same time it doesn't pay much and it's about 20 mins from my house. In rush hour traffic, thats about 45 mins. But it's what I think I might want to do. At least it would be a good place to start. Cuz we need to get it moving. I was class of 2013. Now I have to compete with 2014, too?!?!?!

My kids are great. My little one finally got in a school and will be graduating to kindergarten. She was so happy to receive her mortorboard. We call it her big girl hat. My oldest just dropped the bomb on me day before yesterday. There's a boy. just one she likes but I don't believe that. With kids, there is always more to the story. She said there is some ratchet stalker creeping and tripping about her "friendship" with the boy. but she says he's not into the stalker. So I had to think. How to approach this. I told her that no guy worth her time will have extra baggage like that. Until he can make a clear decision, steer clear of his drama. I think it was pretty cool for these new school heads. They gonna do what they decide they want to do, but maybe if you can show them the error in their way before it becomes an obstacle, they may fair well out there.

I guess that's all.

I will try not to wait so long the next time.

It's official...I'm delicious.

So i was doing laundry and found my lace shirt at the bottom of the bag. I couldn't wait to try it on my new twins. It was super sexy. I wish i was in my twenties again just to wear this outside. I know I would have did it, cuz back then I was a superfreak but had the body of a stick with Nikki Minaj's booty. So it was tank tops and tight jeans and short shorts. I have never really worn tight fitting tops. This was super sexy. I guess I could wear my ports bra underneath but I'm thinking one of those spaghetti strap tanks.
I'll be going to Vegas to visit family in a couple of weeks but of course I wanna hit the town. I have been doing squats, running stair/walking stairs, cm on, 4real, running. But yeah, I have been trying to get my booty together but it is not working. Its so sad. I know I just gotta get back up and put but damn. I need a booty in 2 weeks. A black girl with no booty is like a bloodhound with no nose! Even my husband was like, "oh, now you're shaped like a white girl, all tits, no ass.' He's been in the living room since before my op so i could have room to heal. That's not gonna get him in any faster. But....
Last night, he comes creeping in the room about 1 am. He almost broke me but mother nature had my back. "No soup for you, Mr.!"
But if he's nice, I might break him off before I go to Vegas, hahhhhaha!
But i have to say, I am nervous about him, touching and groping them. I don't want him to be alll freaked out if they feel hard or something. He's been the only guy to look at my body since 2002! So even though I don't tell him, as any self respecting wife will tell you, you can't give them any rope, his opinion matters to me. So i will tell y'all how it goes down. Wait, what's up, now that just all sounds dirty, lol. I will give y'all the goods without grossing y'all out, if he don't say nothing stupid and lock up the store, hahahhhha!

Throwing out old bras...

So i ws going through my old bras and though let me see what they look like now. I found a new trick, or at least new to me! So hold on to those old bras.

I found that if you wear your small bra o your big boobs, it makes the most extreme push up bra EVER! It was epic. It was cleavae and boobs all in my face. I can't wait to go out so i can put this trick to use. I wonder if will work for draws. Doubt it. Probably look like diaper booty. But I though this was so awesome and I know if it wasn't for laundry needing done, I would have gotten rid of these.

So that's all for today. I hope u are all doing well and having as much fun as i am! :-)

Caught me slippin'

Yep, I told y'all. Soon as I got the little one off to school, he caught me slippin. Lol. Not that it had anything to do with the tank top, braless(with muh pasties on) and a cute lil mini with ruffles. But as I was coming in, he made that mating motion. The look under his glasses with a nod of the head, like "Sup!"
So we are getting undressed and i lift my top and say "waddya think?" He goes "Hmph" in that "nice" sort of way. Then I'm like "it's okay, u can touch them" it was so cute cuz he's a mechanic, so sometime he's pretty rough with his hands. Like Hulk rough. So certain things he's funny at being gemtle. Like our kids, I thought he was gonna pass out when i handed him our first born.

So he gingerly palms one and it was hilarious cuz our eyes met and instantly I could tell what he was thinking. I was like, "they get softer cuz I'm only 2 most out" He says "oh!" In that "yay!" Kind of way, lol. That's all I can tell y'all, lol. Any who, I just wanted y'all to know. Although I will say I was very conscious of them the whole time. Like, what are they doing, are they dimpling, are they jighling, bouncing. I just think its me being anxious me, if i didn't have anything to worry about, how would I know I was alive, lmao. :-)

such a shame...

So i want to tell you guys this story about judgements and predjudicial slurs. Thursday was a beautiful day out here in Cali. It was bright an sunny with sparse clouds in the sky and birds singing playfully in the tress. As my youngest daughter's last week of school and impending graduation approach, i take a moment to revel in my children's growth as well as mines. Recently, I had purchased a cute coffee shaded tank top with masterfully intricate lace detail throughout the back panel. Prior to my augmentation, I would have never bought such a shirt. My eyes would have not even glanced in its direction. I had NO interest in such articles of clothing because it would have meant not wearing a bra, which for me at that time, was unconscionable. But post augmentation, I bought the shirt with swift abandon.

So this day, I unfolded the shirt lifted it to the wind, then looked down at my girls. You see, with freshly augmented boobs, you have to ask their permission to do certain things. Can I wear a top this low yet? Can i reach this high? Are you guys gonna soften up today or are we not doing this?
So i asked my twins..."Do you think we are low enough to go braless, outside?" They responded with a perky "Yes!"
So i throught on my fatigue shorts and the top and I'm done. As of right now, I don't have much to do or many places to go. So getting dressed to take the little one to school is truly the highlight of my feeble days. My daughter goes to school at a rec center it is a program sponsored by the city(but its the only one I have ever had to pay a weekly tuition, hmmm) so I walk through the park everyday. There are these transients who frequent the park. Some are woman, but most are men. From time to time I have heard cat calls and comments but this day I was truly taken back. So as I am walking back to my car, which passes the bench they choose to inhabit, I hear one of the women chuckle out "BITCH" rather loudly under her breath. Now ordinarily, I would assume she was talking to a friend of hers but I was able to see I was the target of her intent through my peripheral vision.

So before I render my response, I would like to take a moment to discuss something that has just been disturbing me for many years. And now even more that I have two young girls that I have to raise in this conundrum we call LIFE.

Why are we so quick and easy to tear each other down? I have found that for some women, hate is a fuel. A woman can have her whole life together and some woman will find a way to tear her down. If the woman is an educated professional, she has to be lesbian, which is fine but why can't a strong, educated, career oriented woman like a man too? If she's pretty and just thick. She's overweight, obese or fat. If she's talented but thin framed, she's on drugs, she's unhealthy, she's anorexic. If she has money then she has to be ugly or have a bad attitude. If she is a stay at home mom, then she has no skills or education. If she is a dedicated worker, then she can't have time to be a caring mom and wife. WHY? WHY? WHY?
Why do we do this to ourselves? Yes, I am in this statistic, too. We have all had a wayward thought or opinion about someone and their character. But as adults, we should be dismissing those feelings and reactions. Shouldn't we be building and remolding, sculpting our young women?
If I see something I like, I tell them. If I think they are beautiful, I tell them. I make criticism with reservation. Because i feel the World is harsh enough without making it harder for someone else.

There is beauty in all of us, given freely by our Creator, squandered foolishly by each of us, too busy looking into the horizon. Meaning, sometimes you have to see the beauty in yourself to find the beauty in the World. How many times have you closed your eyes and listened to the rain or the wind rustle the leaves? When was the last time you looked into the sky and realized how truly small you are or how infinite it is? When was the last time you wondered about waking up? or breathing? or walking? or talking?
For some...they will never do any of it, ever again.
Calling a woman a "b" is like calling a woman of color a "n". It's derogatory. It's hurtful. It's pathetic. And it's a shame.

So as I exited the park. I held my head high. I had a confidence that literally, carried me on a cloud, off to my car, down the street. I even, cracked a playful grin, as I thought of how miserable her life must be, that she must expel poison into the World. How horrendous that she finds folly in attempting to belittle me, yet all she did was displayed her dismal and stunted place in life. So I drove off with a renewed since of self assurance and poise. Then to my surprise, I was in for an even more eye opening experience.

So as I am walking down the corridor to my door which faces my neighbor of 12 years. I was there when she was dating the father of her child, when she had her daughter and sequentially threw him out last fall. Our daughters used to play together when they were younger. We speak to each other all the time, nearly everyday and sometimes twice a day. But at the same time, we are nothing more than acquaintances. We don't hang out. We don't party together. But there is no animosity from my side.

So as I am placing the key in my lock, she is coming out of her house to get her daughter. My youngest is already through the threshold so, the neighbor didn't see her. She proceeds to smile, even say hello, and wave. So I cordially did the same. As i am clearing the threshold, I can hear her mumble "Trash" under her breath. I was shocked but continued and closed the door. I sat there looking at the peephole as if someone were going to peer back trough it at me. I took a deep breath and smiled again. Like a wave, the reassurance that I am happy in my life, washed over me.

I may not be where I want to be but I HAVE been many places and many people. Everyday I can close my eyes and see the faces of people I have helped or who have helped me. Everyday I can find a slice of joy in my heart.

So I say this to those who may experience "Boobie Blues" or woman hate in general. Each of us are glimmering, shining, brilliant orbs of light. When we are born, we shine with blinding strength, for the World to look upon in awe. Slowly the years ravage and tatter our orb. Blocking and obstructing its true value. Finally, the pressure and heat from being restrained, erupts through to the surface. Now again, you have a second chance at brilliance. A chance to shine against all who have tried to break you and diminish your exquisite beauty. No man, no woman, no child, no earthly creature can disturb this sacred peace between you and your infinite soul. Find your way to transcend above the petty negativity that has bonded you for so long. No words spoken will ever tarnish your shining light. No actions will antagonize you. Obstacles will become challenges to exhibit your strength of will and perseverance. Everyday you awaken, is a victory against those who would see you downtrodden, desolate, desperate and depressed. Rise to EVERY occasion. Look to your past as a warrior looks to past battles in preparation for a war. Reflect but do not linger. The horizon is beautiful but you have to be ready to see it. Some with perfect vision will forever be blind to see it.

I love you guys, U are all beautiful.

What's going on?

So since I started healing I have always said there was something funny going on with my lefty. I think I am starting to get CC in the left. It feels like something ifs blocking it from moving all the way. But it has felt like that since day 1. It doesn't hurt but it won't totally relax. I really think the Mondor's cord is what really did it. I could not press as hard on the left when that was happening. Another thing I noticed is they are starting to get too far apart. I was told they would be spacey cuz of my sternum but this is too much. So now I am wearing the band again, now to push them in. and down. I hope this all works. Don't want to feel like a monster.

Feel my way thru the darkness...

Ah crap!! I am gonna die of worry. Like a little hamster running its little wheel at top speed til "Plop!" down she goes. I promise. I had an anxiety attack my oldest daughter's first day of day care. So I emailed Elxy at the Dr. office and then I thought, "Oh no, not again" in my Coldplay "Trouble" voice. I got out of my own head and asked for a lil help. Well, my aunt who had hers done was so helpful. She told me I should gain about 10-15 lbs, do some squats and wait it out. She also said that one boob should be in a different place since it was before and he filled them equally. She said I look great for my place in recovery and its just me being my worrywort self. Also she was like you take terrible pics. You have to be in the right lights because shadows can freak you out. So I feel a lot more secure about my girls.

So I have noticed this morning boob thing. What is this strange phenomena? Ihave to wonder is this the same thing that happens to guys in the morning? I will inquire with my male counterpart for more details. But 4 real, this is something no one really explains. So I'm gonna give it a shot. So after about the second month when your boobs are dropping and you think you're going in the right direction, you wake up and it's like starting all over again. They are hard and a little misshapen. I notice every morning I wake up, I have to immediately massage and grope them so they will reconstitute to their soft jiggly selves. They are like they felt the first month. My theory: Since your body is still or not at standing and moving, the blood and muscles get used to not moving. The same way you need to stretch your arms and legs when you wake up. But what I have noticed is that progressively they are getting softer every morning. I think that by the time I get to 6mos, I won't have to do that anymore.

I really don't like that space in between. But I have been wearing size c bras to push them closer. I hope and it seems that the space is trying to close itself. I also love to put my hand on my lumps, lol. Like I think because I was only feeling ribs and skin I didn't like to put my hand there. In that "For me?" kind of way. Now I love the feeling of soft round lumps there. Once again, I will refer to my male counterpart to find if this is what guys experience when they touch a girl's booty.

I CANNOT STOP BRA SHOPPING!! And I haven't even starting ordering online. BTW, VS annual sale ends 6/23/14!!! I love the way my body looks now. Just gotta tone up and get my booty back.

No one looks at me weird anymore cuz they sit low and look normal. I couldn't be happier now. I hope they will continue to impress me more over time. Dr. Taneja really does great work and is a real true Doctor who cares and not butcher looking to get paid. I would trust him with anything I need done. :)

Been a while but I'm back!

Wow! Time sure flies! I can't believe it's been 9 months since I got my girls! I really wish I had of done this YEARS ago. I hope anybody reading this will not waste anymore time, do it. Find a surgeon, and if they are on here they are probably pretty good, and do it!! Don't waste time wanting or wishing.

I finally have my days free and have been REALLY looking for work. The only thing is now finding interview/business wear that looks appropriate for work. I have a lot of tank tops and skinny jeans. All i HAD to wear to school was a lab coat and closed toed shoes. So i'm rocking my church clothes.

Sleeping has still been iffy. I try not to sleep on my back but I end up that way anyway. I think that is what is causing my gap. I try to sleep on my sides but I wake up on my back. And now that I can TRY to sleep on my stomach but its like sleeping with two big balloons on my chest.

What have I been doing about the gap?
So I have figured out my gap is because I was soooooooooo flatchested and skinny before that when my implants were placed they settled the way my boobs would have if they were big but with the same chest structure. So because I am bony with a wide sternum, viola!
So to combat that I have been wearing a size B bra and shoving the girls together. It kind of hurts in the middle but I think that's a good hurt. lol.

What do they feel like?
They are softer than a couple of months ago but by no means as soft as a real breast. Hubby says they are softer and I noticed he couldn't keep his hands off them which was cool cuz he never touched them that much before. :) I don't quite know what to make of that. Does this mean he was into boobs and was just lying about being a legman? Is it like a new toy, a temporary distraction? Is he now a boobman and does he look at other women's boobs now? Guess that's just my brain going into hyperdrive, lol.

They bounce and jiggle but I can definitely say that after about 5 years if I have no complications, I will be upgrading to the silicone. I initially was concerned about leaching and MRI costs but my aunt has silicone and hers look awesome. They are softer too. She has had hers for awhile but I think they have always been that way.

Well I hope you are all happy and enjoying life in your new selves. I promise, getting sober, getting my boobs, graduating college, it's all been like a new life. I really wish I hadn't been stuck inside myself for so long. So much time lost. If you have a teen or someone young, I know this will be hard but try it anyway. When you see them, tell them, "I love you, do you know that?" and keep asking until they say yes. then tell them "Do you know you can do anything?" Keep teeling them until they believe it. Finally just listen. So many times, I just wish someone would have took the time to do that for me, back then.

Finally Went back to the Dr.!

So I went in for my 6 month check up on October 25th, because the good Dr. is off the market ladies! I'm happy to announce Dr. Taneja is now a married man. I'm so happy for him, he seems like such a nice down to earth guy. :)

Ne-who, I went in for my appointment and was anxious to ask a lot of questions. He was patient as always, helping me t understand the healing process and individual body shapes and contours. So he said I am looking great! I shouldn't be worried about CC because they are soft and mobile. He said what I thought, I am really thin and tall so It is taking gravity some time to take effect. He said continue massaging, which I feel I have to do EVERYDAY anyway. Like they feel kind of stiff sometimes or are not sitting right so when I massage them a bit, they soften up and sit better.

I also asked him about the hyperpigmentation and juvederm in my laughlines. He gave me a sample of some gel named HYDRO-D and it is AWESOME!!! I have only been using it for about 2 weeks and it is doing wonders.

Thought I had a job but things didn't pan out, so I'm back to looking again. But at least with my scars clearing up, I won't feel the need to pile on the makeup. The Juvederm seems a good idea now, so I won't need to get like 3-4 syringes. Now i might get away with 2. About $900.

Well that's about it. Kisses and well wishes. :*
Pasadena Plastic Surgeon

Excellent Office Manner. I called and was scheduled within a week. They were located just off the Pasadena freeway, less than 20 mins from my home. Dr. Taneja answered all my questions and concerns. His assistant Elxy, is soooo nice. She helped me try on silicone sizers and find "MYLOOK", lol. Then gave me lots of information about the Dr., the office, the procedure, the implant manufacturer, post care, pre op care, everything I could need. I will be having my operation in Mid March. It is $500 to book your op date but free for a consultation. ^_^ An Update as my surgery approaches...I came in for my final fitting before my big day. I paid my balance on Tuesday Afternoon and will have my surgery the following Monday. It is Friday of the same week and I received a confirmation call with my confirmed time and day of instructions. I can say, someone asked me if I was scared, I am not. I feel more confident about Monday than I did about the birth of my children. Meaning they took extra care to make sure I felt comfortable, had all the instructions and understood and that I had no questions or concerns. I am very pleased with my decision! UPDATE:SURGERY DAY-I arrived a bit early to the surgery center in Huntington Beach. They signed me in and gave me pprwrk to fill out. I meet with an RN, Kathryn who gave me clear instructions and answered my last minute questions. Then they gave me a warm toasty blankie and let me kick back and watch Let's Make A deal, until it was my turn. It was 9am when this happened because it was just coming on. The knock out man came around and installed my iv and watched a bit of tv and laughed with me, only about 5 mins. Then Dr. Taneja came in and remembered me from consult but I did have to remind him of the details. I was not concerned, I know he has hundreds of patients to have to remember. He marked me up and soon it was time to go. About 10am cuz it was time for the "Big Deal Of The Day", no pun intended, lol. I got on the table arms outstretched. I remember looking over and asking 'hey, are u putiingi n the good stuff?" and I was out. I woke up feeling just fine. Like a long nap. I was able to name everybody ad knew exactly where I was and what had happened. And I cried because, I was so happy, and no one could make fun of me anymore. They wheeled me out and the next day called to make sure i am ok. Then a few days later I went for my post op. The only time I really had to wait but there were a lot of ppl. I didn't mind. They took a look, Dr. T and his assistant and said I am doing well. So....If u want to get your boobs done, go with Dr. T! He's great, he's funny and he knows his stuff. Thanks Dr. Taneja!

5 out of 5 stars Overall rating
5 out of 5 stars Doctor's bedside manner
5 out of 5 stars Answered my questions
5 out of 5 stars After care follow-up
4 out of 5 stars Time spent with me
4 out of 5 stars Phone or email responsiveness
5 out of 5 stars Staff professionalism & courtesy
5 out of 5 stars Payment process
4 out of 5 stars Wait times
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