Well what can I say....We live and learn is my...
Well what can I say....We live and learn is my motto. We live and learn to love ourselves. I would first like to thank RealSelf and all the lovely brave ladies who posted their stories - if it weren't for you I would probably still be on my downward spiral of negativity. But stumbling upon this site really helped me almost immediately and I began to feel there is a way out for me. Which brings me here where I shall begin my very own story, hopefully it will be a short one as I am in a mega hurry to get my implants out...everyday with them feels like a lifetime.... I will share with you everything that you will expect as I go along my Explant/ Implant Removal journey :)
SO how it all began....well just last year (2013) late Autumn I just came off the pill and I was enjoying a fantastic life of detoxing and living Holistically (funny I go and get toxic implants in me!?) But anyway I am a naturally slim girl so I am a B cup but over the years putting on weight and losing it left me with as I would say I felt like my tits drooped. But they were just fine!!! oh dear, so coming off the pill which makes your boobs fuller anyway turned them into little sacks. But they were fantastic! So in this day and age you can buy almost anything! and despite my beautiful boyfriends pleas, my sisters ...the world was invisible to me and all I could see were these amazing new boobs I was going to have. The price didn't even phase me... I keep thinking back about how many moments I had the chance to turn it around.... but living in regret ladies just turns you into a miserable sad case... so just turn your misfortunes around and learn from them -
Yes I feel so resentful about the idea I allowed myself to be sliced into, my muscles and flesh to be squashed and ripped to one side to allow these foreign, evil, toxic, bubbles of plastic material into my body...sitting so close to my heart, my lungs, my soul. It just makes me want to breakdown and cry now as I write this but I am on the road to release and a more profound insight of life and how important it is to love yourself and cherish every last bit no matter how unsatisfied you are with it. If you love it and cherish it , it is beautiful, it is yours, it is your chance at life! Don't destroy something so precious - This experience has really opened my eyes and I will never ever ever do anything to change myself. This is where plastic surgery started and STOPPED for me. I will be growing old gracefully, I embrace every piece of my body. I worship my temple.
So off I went and got them done, it was the 18th December, I called it a christmas present to myself... Worst gift I ever got! I could think of a thousand perfect gifts I could have bought myself that would have been wonderful fantastic beautiful like a holiday for my boyfriend and I, a new car, countless fantastic adventures or gifts for the people I love.
So post op was through christmas break and I just remember feeling okay.... thats done! Now what... I was not the girl who went out and bought new fancy braas, or boobs dresses (as I call them) or particularly embraced this new lifestyle... that is exactly what it is.. you but yourself into this personality and no matter how much you try and be the 'girl next door' (which I am) People just see these bazookas sitting on your chest and thats it..... Different script! And for someone like me, I come from a very down to earth, easy going, get dirty in a field, go camping and outdoors, wear a T-shirt sort of girl ...this was the biggest biggest mistake of my life! I feel like someone stole the old girl I knew (ME) and replaced her with this new girl.... and I dont even Know her!!!
So thats just the personality/ phsychological part (gosh I wish someone told me all this) When you get your tits done for me anyway, its like your going shopping and decide, oh maybe I should try someone totally not me today and venture out.... but we all know it was just an outfit for a particular party or event. We all go back to our happy selves the next day.... but hey Im kinda stuck with these forever (i thought) and I really cannot keep up with this bullsh**t!
So moving on then there is the sleeping part, I can never sleep on my tummy every again! I loooove sleeping on my tum! I love hugging my boyfriend and feeling him close to me and not two rocks! I like to run and be active, I like my clothes to fit and not always have these uber sexual overt beasties always shaping my clothes.... I am actually a confident girl I just realised and intelligent.. I dont need my body to speak for me!!!
I despise how they feel and constantly aware of them every minute, Its a heavy weight on my very slim frame - and lets just face it! You will never ever know what its like to have boobs until you have them. I just wish I could have realised what an impact they have on living - and by golly these ladies who have them and keep them, I admire... different kettle of fish I swear!
I despise it when my boyfriend touches my boobs now... because I remember how electric they felt when he did and I had no implants...losing at least 50% sensitivity in my breasts has been a huge blow... I had very sensitive nipples and loved the feeling during love making... I have read in certain posts that sensitivity returns once the implants are removed, because the implants compress or squeeze the nerves restricted blood flow, so that makes sense. Oh you bad boys have overstayed your welcome!!! get out now!
Then there is the health concern and the leakage which I believe is safe if you have the Allergan cohesive gel as it is safest but -really guys... its still slowly in tiny tiny amounts leaking... hence why they need replacing eventually! why do I need some toxic nastiness oozing in me when I am quite a health freak, very big on organic foods, allergen free eating...why oh why would you put your system through this for not very much back. Having your boobs done its terribly over-rated... and I have learn'd the hard way!
I look forward to sleeping better again and which ever way I please!! look forward to feeling free of this tight feeling around my chest 24/7....looking forward to enjoying a real beautiful cuddle/hug again, look forward to exercising my whole body again, looking forward to being natural and recognised for my natural beauty and intelligence.(sometimes stupid though huh?!)
I am happy I will be getting them out.......I see my PS tomorrow morning, its going to be a shock for him as the last time we saw each other I was 'quite' happy... I will probably be bursting into tears :(
But this is all expected , I am feeling a whole lot better then I have ... and I know it will only get better.
I feel unhappy about spending more money for something I am paying for emotionally already!, I feel unhappy about the scars & I am hoping they look okay however I really don't mind. I understand I may feel a bit depressed once they are deflated and extra droopy again but I hope they will fluff up and it has only been 7 months and the skin tightens back up again. But I will keep reminding myself that I am free of the toxic ball bags that are making my previously amazing calm life into a melodramatic episode of Eastenders or for the US girls into a Jerry Springer show!
I will post again about what my surgeon says tomorrow morning... I am excited to be getting things moving and I will post pics of my boobs now and when explant surgery is done too......I will let you know of every high and low.... but we can beat this! I feel great that I have learnt sooooo much in such little time about Self Love. And by golly I am hopelessly In Love with Myself ... and forgiving myself for Hurting myself.....
1st Visit to my PS regarding Implant removal ....17/07/14
I walked into his office today & as I guessed....I burst into tears....arrrg...I had to gather myself because I really wanted to get my points through and explain how I feel about the whole augmentation. I did manage in the end and basically explained how I regret getting them done, how I feel so aware of them, I feel fake, they're uncomfortable, I cant sleep well, cant exercise, clothes are no longer comfy but fitted and overly sexual 24/7, dislike the feeling with my boyfriend when being intimate, hugs feel so horrid now...& I have started side hugging???
Well being the professional, he understood but did say that I would have saggy skin & that I will not have the original breasts I had - He went as far as to show me a pic of my natural breasts hoping I would come to my senses...but I looked at them soooo longingly , Like an old love of mine and I cant get the image of how perfect they were out of my head! Stupid ! stupid me!
He eventually realised I am serious and not having some crisis and that I genuinely need to get these implants out. He however encouraged me to think about getting the tiniest implant replaced just so I don't have the emptiness he is talking about. But then I realise what he is saying but he has only done one explant in his entire career of 7000 augmentations... This was probably a pride thing and he is a top surgeon...but look they are just not for me! I need them out... sooner the better...
But I have been given 2 weeks to rethink and 'be sure'......
I am also wondering whether I should just go on the NHS? why should I pay stacks to have them removed which is quite a simple procedure...besides my surgeon hasn't had much experience at all, I mean one explant is not enough - And I would trust him to do it, but if it is so simple why pay so much when I could get the job done on the NHS , I just have to waiiiiiit forever!!! - anyway....its worth not being hit in every direction....emotionally and financially...
So I have made an appointment with my GP so I can get a referral & hopefully that goes well and speedily......I see him tomorrow....
Will update again Ladies! stay strong and there is a way out!! I really am loving this new wave of Identity coming over me....I know myself more then ever before! I am what matters.... x
See I have read many posts on RealSelf, many success stories and I knew what to expect when I went to see him - and like previous Ladies on here... The surgeons say we will NOT like the result, Our boobs will be saggy and we should really consider putting smaller implants in. But then many of you faced these very scary statements and survived through it with great looking breasts after time...or for the lucky ones almost immediately.
Anyway I am willing to face whatever aftermath.... because I really really do not want these plastic toxic gel balls getting in the way of living life maximally. I just needed to find out for myself - unfortunately it had to be this way and I have to go through another surgery and the whole fear of it. But all I have is my hope and the encouragement of you ladies who have all been through this.
At my GP :)
Hey girls...how you all doing...
Oh my head is just riddled with thoughts...... What will they look like? How will it go? When will it happen!?
Just say in the waiting room at my doctors...one thing is for sure! I want these out! I want to feel soft and feminine , not like a blow up doll!
I woke this morning thinking about what my surgeon said...that they would look different to my virgin breasts, they would sag and there would be emptiness at the top. I'm only young and not had any children, have I just gone and pressed fast forward on my girls!!
He says I must get a tiny implant that I wouldn't even feel and my own breast tissue would sit very well around it. Basically I must get a foundation.... Very interesting & makes sense... I mean my current implants are massive! And for my frame they really stick out....defying all gravity!
But them I will still have the toxic junk in me and sadly I must not be talked into the crazy spiral ever again... Once is enough....
My breSsts will be my own and qualified explant surgeons have ensured skin retracts back and that it really is a bit exaggerated as the implant only acts as a pillow beneath the breast tissue or muscle... Once taken away it will move back, not immediately but it will because skin is amazing, it is alive and it takes whatever shape allowed.
Anyway.... I have decided to get a referral letter from my doctor as I really can't face huge bills to explant...please help me NHS! About to see the doctor, hope all goes well and I can be further down my path to explant freedom!!
So unhappy & impatient
Spoke with my brother yesterday, he is very in touch with his feminine side, always dressed me up growing up and is quite interested with trends, fashion & surgery - so he totally gets the whole thing & he was present at my 1st augmentation meeting with my surgeon. He did mention to not go too big or have the fake look which inevitably happened... How did it happen!? It's all one big mistake... No one pre-warms you what it feels like to have implants, how life changes... It may look good but I am not that shallow a person to suffer for looks.
Well he freaked out basically, saying my breasts will need lifting, they will sag, I will be even more depressed. And as much as I did not want to believe this I just had to take it in... Because what do I know? I just have the whimsical hope they will bounce back to hopefully as close as they were... It's just a hope right now ... There is no back up things will turn out okay.
He says I should get much smaller implants so salvage the aftermath of the bigger implants Iv had these past 7 months. I went from a low droopy 34B cup to a 34D/DD.
So my breasts were not perky and tiny to begin with - they were just slightly sagging so flat at the top with the breast tissue all sitting in the bottom, so push up bras would work quite well. I remember how much I did not like this droopiness & initially wanted a lift but the surgeon says because I am bony & slim around my chest this would not work for me as there is not enough skin - So implanting was my only option. And I was okay with that because uplift surgery is intense.
I just did not want the massive jugs I got now! They look and feel fake, I dislike dressing them, I can't sleep , I dislike them being touched, I dislike touching them.., they have become like squatters on my chest... I need to kick them out! I have not taken to these implants AT ALL. I can't understand how Brest implanted women survive so freely .... It's freakish to me!
I just wish I did not buy into all this cr*p. I was just fine before, pretty, just me, scar free , happier & richer!
My whole summer is ruined! I just want to get back to living my life again.
I have also been feeling deep dead pains in my upper traps/shoulders , anyone have this ? One side of my neck and back of my head I have a weird nerve like / muscle like pain? What is it ? It's so disconcerting :( I am constantly rubbing and massaging the areas to get rid of the pain but it's still there ...
Life is reall becoming a struggle for me as I am unavoidably beating myself up for this terrible stupid mistake iv made ...but I guess I have to forgive myself as that person is a completely different person to who I am today ? How could she ever have known?
How can you ever know this will happen?! It's so upsetting - why didn't anyway stop me or sit me down and run through all the downsides! All I knew is that I will have great boobs!
I'm so afraid now and ultimately will have to sacrifice the outcome for my own learning experience. If I got another smaller implant, that would still be me needing to be perfect or look a certain way- I just don't understand why replacing one problem with the same problem will work! ?
I just have this inner faith & hope that the outcome will be good... More so because I will be imant free and that will be healing enough for me... I believe the rest will fall into place... The mind is a strong place and right now my mind feels sick , so my body feels sick and it's because of these implants. My brain is very aware i of these objects and it is confused and is constantly fighting it..
The moment my body is rid of the bags it will be well and it can focus on healing itself from the intruders. My mind will be clear and I will be back to myself...
I want to heal my mind, my emotions the state I am in and then when my mind is healed my body will heal because the mind is the headquarters if the body .
So I am going to out my fears away about the aftermath of implant removal and focus on how happy I will be once their gone....I will live my breasts and in time they will heal too and life will go on... I am and more and more becoming very in tune with myself , a sense of inner peace is trying to make its way through , I feel the Love inside...
I just need to find the patience now as I go down my explant path , I need answers now... And it all takes time. I have appointment with a new surgeon on the 30th July and I am waiting to hear back from my GP regarding a referral letter .., it's all wIting around , waiting waiting :( I need stuff to happen now ...
All this time leaves me with time to stew about the mistake and drive myself crazy.. More time I feel I am wasting in this situation instead if living life .... Oh it will be so good to finally be on the other side!
2nd Appointment booked
I see Mr Adrian Richards on 30th July - I like what I have read about him. & he has done so many explants , he also has a youtube clip demonstrating the procedure which was quite comfortable to watch.
Yes I am still thinking my breasts will have no volume and look droopy because that's how they were.... So what now after removal ? Oh worry worry....it doesn't help that I lost heaps of weight & I'm actually naturally bony in my chest area... So breast fat is lacking - I just wish they did not droop and have an empty upper pole...and a lift won't work for me because I had small b cup... They just looked a bit lifeless to me then....
My surgeon put wayy to big implants for me, that's exactly it. Perhaps if he just gave me volume & slight lift with the right implant I wouldn't be hating my experience with augmentation.
I don't know?
Or is it just a deep distaste for these implants, foreign potentially dangerous plastic living inside me? I don't want to make the mistake of downsizing to the correct much smaller implant..., & still not happy. That will be a tragedy ! Then finally decide to remove..., that would be 3 surgeries and so much time of my life wasted!!!
Complete removal is just the safest bet for me now.....
Can't wait to speak with the surgeon ,
Can't stop thinking about it....
It is summer outside, everything is beautiful and happy .... Then there is me. Lying in m bedroom with the curtains drawn from when I woke up ...scouring the internet from my phone in bed looking at implant removal stuff..
Arrrg why did I get this done to me! I am in a state of stagnancy . Everything is taking secondary place.
I called my GP to follow up my request for explant after the meeting last Friday - it's taking too long, probably not that long as it's been 3 days minus the weekend.
Umf! He said someone will be calling me soon. That does not relay anything just more waiting !
So reading explant reviews , articles & videos of previous women in my boat . It's comforting & I can't get enough of it.
I really do not want implants and that's that ..,, do not need small implants or any of that sugar coated nonsense. Kick me with the fears of the aftermath when I'm already laying on the floor, shaken. My surgeon said my breasts will not look the same...& to expect sag and empty upper poles. Well that was the case before implant and I was quite happy & my boyfriend loved them - I just had a notion in my head for 'better breasts' and no one could change my mind about it!
Well this is it.... My breasts were not sagging they just lost volume because I lost weight and came off the pill. A surgeon on RealSelf said if your nipple/areola lie level or above the inframmary fold they will not sag. Well my nipples did not & presently do not lie below the inframmary fold but are level and were level before implanting. They just lost breast fat because unfortunately my body loses fat in my chest & torso first ... And I have my fat deposit around my bum and hips. I am extremely a pear shaped lady - so I thought I would get some implants but it looks terrible! Think Victoria beckam , the look where my torso is quite bony and them there are these visible projected balls! I just do not have the body for this and more so they are the most uncomfortable things ever ! Toxic...fake, I feel even less of a women with them now actually more an object for careful speculation :(
Well that phone better hurry up! I hope the NHS can help me out of this psychotic state & if not I will be headed to Aurora Clinics to get them removed ASAP as I feel confident they are the specialists.
I want to be implant free by the end of August!! That is my goal.... If sooner I will be over the moon.
I have prayed and hoping so very hard for everything to go well..,,
I pray to the great power of the Universe to work in my favour ... I have learnt so very much and I just want to be free and help others wherever I can. I want my body back and I will live and cherish it with all my heart... I will wear the scars as my personal journey. & experience...and it will be all me, this whole negative thing will turn into the biggest positive of my life - I feel the best is yet to come !
Wheels slowly in motion ...:)
So NHS is not in a situation to explant for me as I haven't had them in for a considerable amount of time , meaning no ruptures, illness or 'real' problems yet. I also did them privately before so not a candidate.
Well I just wanted to exercise my options !
So moving on!!
I will be seeing Adrian Richards of Aurora Clinics on the 30th July.
I also called Spire Hospitals & requested one of their surgeons so an appointment will be scheduled. I just like to see at least 3 surgeons before I go ahead...
Positively Aurora clinics contacted me today to confirm I can have local anaesthetic if I liked... That is great because I dislike GA, & it is a simple procedure so it would be nice to chat with the surgeon while everything is happening. Also it will be cheaper so that is always a plus....
So will touch base after my consultation next week! Ooooohh it does feel good once you begin making progress & you feel something is happening. Its a relief from the despair & a tonic for restlessness!
I drank the Kool-Aid!
What did I think? What a fantasy ... I really thought you would have nice, bigger, fuller, soft natural breasts...I thought you would feel exactly the same as yourself after BA, just with a little enhancement.
There was no warning, or none of the women say how much discomfort your in always!! ARRRG!
how insane can you be to haul these cannons around on your chest forever ...? I really just drank that Kool- Aid.
I am not that insecure to need these projectile torpedoes on my person , entering the room first before me! It would be nice to sleep 360 degrees, I like spinning around through sleep, I like exercising my entire body with my pecs jumping! The idea of these silicones slowly sweating into my system, risks of future disease, rupture, contraction & loads of other complications. It's sooo not worth it!
The idea of breast feeding with them is a major turn off... I'm sure they will burst with all the expansion there already so freaking tight!
Here's a lesson .... Don't drink the KOOL- AID.
Have a nice green tea, take a walk & love yourself & the endless joys of being alive & healthy xxx
Off to see a second surgeon tonight
My appointment is at 9pm..... He is a busy Surgeon so only could see me at this time. His secretary says he is a perfectionist and specialises in aesthetics... which is always good to know :)
I am off to see Mr Maisam Fazel of Spire Hospitals - They have also agreed to remove my implants under local.... I could be getting these removed in as little as 2 weeks time! Good news.... I have been managing my impatience and mood ....Using all the negative energy and turning it into positive moves in my life. This is a huge turning point in my life..... I am excited about the future....especially now I am learning to love the vehicle I am travelling in..... grrrrr xx :)
more updates after the visit! best be catching that train now...... Its a little way out from my central London nest :)
On the road to Explant Freedom.....
My meeting with Spire Clinics - Mr Maisam Fazel was very good - a calm and articulate discussion happened between us in the presence of a friendly nurse who put me at ease. My head was clear through out the meeting and I asked all my pressing questions. As I presumed this procedure is simple and I have nothing to worry about. He examined me and I was not made to feel afraid or horrified about explanting but I was made to feel positive, safe and supported in my decision. I can get local anaesthetic procedure and I can go home the same day and be up and about in as little as 3 days.....I will need to get a compression braa for post surgery, the ordeal is a lot less painful & strenuous as getting them implanted. So hey ho, here we go! I have begun moisturising my bustys with raw coconut oil to give my skin the best chance at renewal and retraction post-surgery..... I will have to look into finding a good compression braa....what size will i be?? I will get a B cup as I was originally and a C cup compression braa just incase....
So final meeting tomorrow with my final surgeon of choice then decision time! more updates very soon from this London girl!
Still looking for a surgeon........sigh....
Been ringing all of United Kingdom getting quotes, availability and possibilities...... Its amazing how every surgeon or surgeons secretary have different ideas of what is okay.... Local Anaestitic or GA, prices.... It really does define that you have to do immense research because most of these practises are just in it for the money! And once you find the genuine ones it is so easy to tell them apart.
I have had major frustration with my original surgeon and organisation The Hospital Group, terrible after-care and very ruthless....there warranty scheme is heartless. Even if you are just plain unhappy
they will NOT cover you. Especially after they happily pocketed my £4700 for a procedure that was not to my suiting - They are all Flash and Glam and nothing else. No Substance. Just like the whole industry... Learn to Love Yourself girls.
Well I am still searching.... and dedicated most of my day to this.... wish me luck guys... I dont want to pay extortionate price and I would like a kind and understanding surgeon. I know I will find him.
What have I done to myself!!!???????????????????????
And on that note...... She went to bed ....tomorrow is another day :) x
Post surgery braa sizes??
Can anyone shed light on what size genie braa, sports braa I should get? Should you just get your original braa size or smaller.... I was liking the look of the genie braa model selection... So confused. I thought I better buy some so I have them ready. Thanks!
Its all happening!
So I have just posted some more shots of me and one of me before I had my breasts done....Well things are coming together...and so out of the blue! I never thought it would happen this quick...no so long ago it felt like I would NEVER get my Explant done..... but I feel powerful and good forces at work.... looking upon me with favour, love, a second chance, rebirth.....
I am getting my explant procedure done this Saturday morning!!! (9th August 2014) Elated !
I just cannot express how happy I am ....Very busssssyyyy at the moment understandably.... so much preparation! so cannot write much else...but I will certainly be in touch this week and before my surgery .....A little nervous...but there is no time for that now! I can only have hope! hope! hope! Faith, Self Belief and to remember WHY I am doing this? and How important it is to me....nevermind anything else at this point.... Let the Forces carry me through! x
Hi all :)
Well I have met a really lovely surgeon Mr Nicholas Collis and his wonderful friendly team at the Nuffield Hospital, Newcastle - I mean really amazing people. It was a long train ride from London but it was effortless because I found a good surgeon and my explant surgery is imminent!!! It was a fantastic consultation and we discussed all the necessaries - I can have this done under Local Anaesthetic and he described the procedure as a simple one as often relayed here on RealSelf by the many ex-planters; He will enter at the same incision sites, cut out the scar formed, remove the implant through the opening and then stitch me up again.
We discussed my capsule and since I have only had my implants 71/2 months now there will be an almost sheath like capsule that will be reabsorbed into my body as it is part of my body anyway; They will be fluid in the space as naturally the body will fill this empty space but in a short time this will dissolve as will the capsule as the body recognises that there is no longer an obstruction there in the form of Implants.
My surgeon was very honest with me and thorough, he explained everything clearly and said that I am fit and healthy and there should be no problems with the surgery , that it would be a doddle :)
He was sympathetic too as he could see I have been through alot and as we all know ladies this is one tough experience....but I will be taking the positives and leaving the negatives behind.
I wanted to be reassured about their appearance after the surgery but this area will always be a grey one as we are all different and there is no benchmark to confirm anything. He did say I will be quite flat after surgery but in a weird way this highly excited me!! He said due to the size of my implant there was pressure applied to my virgin breast tissue and this would have caused some breast tissue loss (Atrophy)
I don't really mind as long as I am back to me and every bit of me belongs to me... I am so exhausted of making room for these breasts in my life - they have been a liability in every way and have brought me no joy whatsoever! The thing I thought would make me happy made me ever so sad.....When I look in the mirror I dislike what I see and I am ashamed at what I allowed to happen to me...when I look at it, I feel as though I have 'Self Harmed' - I am someone who beat anorexia and bulimia in my teens because I wanted to be anyone but me... that was a long time ago and I have come such a long way and treat myself so well since that time... I am an immensely confident women... it is like a slap in my face that I went and got implants because I love my body but then.... I imagined ...a type of perfection that would come with having implants? Well everyday is a learning curb and I feel great that I love myself enough and I am confident enough to do the right thing for me and wipe the dust off my feet and not look back. To not beat myself up but to just feel good inside that I will be free to continue loving myself just the way I am.
I want to be free and live freely, loving every bit of my body, stretching and contorting my body in every which way I please (Yoga & Exercise...and various other manic activities...I am ball of energy!!), jumping, wearing all kinds of clothes that fall stylishly like catwalk fashion,girl next door acceptable look not constantly making a overly sexual statement because my breasts protrude in a projectile fashion even through sackcloth if I would have tried it!!...
I want to sleep restfully without programming my mind to avoid certain positions...I mean this is sleep time!! I need to rest not accommodate anything but REST!!, you have to get them replaced eventually what a pain!, I may be backpacking through South America and I would need to get replacements?? too much fuss over not very much at all!
And MOST MOST of all....I should have mentioned this first..I am very concerned about the complications of having breast implants; you cannot have effective mammograms, you cannot easily detect lumps, they rupture, capsular contraction, autoimmune diseases & the many other associated ailments that have been discovered or are yet to be discovered. The body needs to be free and clean, plastic is a toxin. I want to Live Holistically, I believe in treating the body as Your Temple.
I want to touch soft flesh - not angry tight foreign balls; On that note I asked the nurse about sensitivity returning and she said there is a good chance because the implants have been applying tight pressure onto the nerves causing restriction and that numbness you feel or having 'cold' boobs!
Well that's it for now Ladies..... I will be having my surgery Saturday morning British Time.....I will be receiving your good energy and wonderful vibes.... Women standing together for what we believe , Love to you all and Thank you RealSelf and all you fantastic ladies who have been through this, shared, thinking about it... all of you! thank you x x
Last day with Implants.......Tomorrow is the day :)
A mixture of mild excitement and nervousness....But I have been taking it easy.... Eating lots of nutritious whole foods for wound healing....and rubbing copius amounts of coconut oil into my boobs.
Tomorrow is my new birthday.....shall I change it?? :)
Obvious concerns about surgery, the moment, the aftermath.... I just pray it all goes well.... and I can get back to living and enjoy my life as God intended. I know I will be happy the plastic will be gone.....and that is where I am focusing my energy because this is certain. I just pray everything else will be okay....
Aaahh... I dont know what to expect so not going to blab on here but the next time I write will be when Im explanted......!! :-)
What a great day....so humbled and happy! ....they're gone....ALL GONE x
9 Aug 2014
Day of treatment
I cannot recommend Nuffield Hospital Newcastle, Dr Nicholas Collis more.... I am one happy bunny...
I'm laying in my bed at home after a brilliant day! As you obviously tell my surgery was a success! :)
My stomach has been leaping with joy ever since I was wheeled away from the theatre room....It was just like a dream...
My day started very early, had to check in at 7.30am - I was shown to my room at The Nuffield Health Hospital , Newcastle and it was a comfortable ward with a television, en suite bathroom, electrical bed that I can manoeuvre it up or down with controls - the room was very unlike a hospital
with a nice picture, the bathroom had nice miniature shampoos and conditioner.....very hotel like.
I was given my hospital gown and medical documents were completed, blood pressure taken, I was given a menu to request any food for post surgery. The nurses were very accommodating and ever so sweet - I felt nurtured and well cared for.
My wonderful surgeon walked in last and came to finally make sure this is what I wanted, and was ready for the green light. Surgery would proceed at 9.30am - I had some time to relax, compose myself and before I knew it, a nurse came to collect me. Moment of truth!!
I was led to the lay-bye room just before the Theatre doors and was asked to lay on a wheely bed that would pull me into the operating room just next door. Lovely lady called Denise did final questionnaire and checks before operating... I saw my surgeon in his full operating gear, 3 other medical bods all busy around...5 medics altogether.....it felt like a movie set and I was the lead role!
Nerve wrecking stuff! Now I wont lie I was really really nervous....and my nerves reveal themselves as me being very very quiet and smiley. They all could see I was nervous and Denise was rubbing my hands, stroking my arms...it was just wonderful.
So I was wheeled into THEATRE. They put tape all around my chest that had cloth attached to it, so only my boobs would be visible and then a cloth over my neck so there was a barrier between operation site and my vision.... glad for this!
Oh and Adele was playing in the background.... I will never think about her music in the same light again but more like the anthems played along to my liberation":)
Local Anaesthetic was administered into my incision points and that hurt ....Denise was there stroking my hair, she was really good with me. The LA was really the only pain for the whole operation! It felt like he was tickling my rib cage as he was releasing the implant from the pocket....oh it took a while for the first one because my Implants were 415CC Textured Allergen implants!! so it stuck like Velcro. But he eventually got the first one out....and the second one thankfully hadn't stuck to the capsule so it came out quite easily....
It felt like he was tickling my ribs and in my mind it felt at times like the feeling you get when someone scratches a blackboard...but I guess that was my own cringing over the fact that I was being operated on while still wide awake... anyway... Adele was fantastic! Power vocals...for a powerful moment!
It was all over and it took all in all just under 30mins.... and that includes the Local Anaesthetic being administered.. It really is a simple op.
What really really helped was the friendly nurses, the hospital staff and Mostly my wonderful Skilful, personable surgeon Mr Nicholas Collis... I definitely recommend him and his team at Nuffield Health Hospital Highly.....and for £1300 for such amazing service... He is a star and I feel like I met an angel walking on earth - He helped me when I felt I had nowhere to go and he was honest with everything.
I had a look down at my breasts when I was wheeled out of Theatre into the next ward to get BP tested etc and they looked a bit limp but I was so happy and knew what to expect after following other surgeries here on RealSelf. But it was so strange , almost immediately after my implants were pulled out I felt a relief, there was no pressure, no weight, nothing...I was breathing better and my shoulders felt free from tension. I will tell you something else.... sensation has almost immediately returned to my nipples.. this is day 1!!!? Those implants were a menace....blocking me living my life on just about every level! There is a dip in my chest wall from the pressure of those mahooosive implants that cause the dip that I feel when I touch my upper poles, over time Im sure this will return to normal as will the tissue of my breast will perk up and heal - I feel very apologetic to my body for doing this.
So instructions are not to get my bandages wet for 12 days....to keep activity to a minimum. But I must say I was able to jump on a train from Newcastle to London for a 14.30 departure and pretty much get on with general things except for heavy lifting - there is also not very much pain except for the incision sites , there is a slight raw wound pain there. I have a few painkillers that I can take but really this feels absolutely like nothing from the initial Breast Augmentation which had me in agony and bed ridden for over a week....
So I was advised to wear a sports braa for as long as possible.... I will just wear one for the next month or so... I have attached some pics and will continue to attach pics as the days....weeks ....months ...go by!
I am over the moon guys and feeling just amazing I have had those malevolent bags removed from my person! Super chuffed....geez.... I have been on the move non-stop today.....must get some rest now... I will post more updates once I am a little more settled...... Massive hugs and Lots of Love Ladies.... xxxxx
It has been 5 days since my explant and I am feeling great, No regrets!
I am feeling clear headed, calm, holistic, cheerful, peaceful, real....When I look in the mirror I feel beautiful... Lean,clean, athletic, slender...Its pretty odd sometimes because I have to remind myself that I did not need to purchase this new look.... It was all mine already. Well I did have to purchase it back (weird)
I am wearing a comfortable sports braa/ beauty braas as their called on amazon, seam free, comfy does its job braa, I am wearing it constantly - here is the link
So the juicy bits of info from an Explant girl; I feel happy and powerful.... powerful that I was brave to free myself from this mistake and also wise enough to not get replacements. Its quite annoying because family members keep telling me that I should have gotten smaller implants before or I should have done things differently.... They do not understand that this was a decision to GET RID OF the Plastic PROSTHETICS in my body. Because they are uncomfortable, I do not feel human, sleeping is a problem, and they are not good for health in the short term or the long term. So many cases of health issues have arisen to even fatalities..... this is enough reason for me. I also do not need my chest inflated to feel good with myself , infact it made me feel like such a small person, so shallow and sad. I felt like a pitiful case.
So the feeling post explant is a good one ....
The skin on my breasts has thinned out due to the pressure from the implant and will tighten up over time. I think I have developed slight Seroma in my breasts....Seroma: Fluid build up, it is natural for the body to fill the empty cavity where the implant was with fluid during healing...the surgeon did make me aware that this might happen - and this fluid will dissolve together with my thin capsule over time.
I also feel I may have aggravated this because I decided to do some cleaning and hoovering yesterday......oooof! all this free at home time....! I am however back to chilling today until I am back to 100%..... I mean it has only been 5 days! I need to take a chill pill.
I have drinking green smoothies ; Kale, spinach, berries, superfood powders, banana, bee pollen, almonds, cashews and hemp protein shakes mixed with almond milk, sufficient good clean protein and lots of water to aid with my healing.
I have attached some new snaps .....bandages will come off on day 12 as per surgeons instructions.
If my Ex-breasts had eyes.......... I feel they would constantly be looking at me....I mean a deep, unabating, shameless and constant STARE.
A sudden chill through my system and I thought they were still there staring at me! Then I looked and saw my sweet and comfy little ta ta's *^?^*
2 weeks & 3 days later :))
Still happy.... Took bandages off a week ago , it was great to have a shower and get them wet... Still being careful and no baths for a while until the scars are completely healed. I am beaming, my scars are healing so well and my breasts are just perfect :)
Been using Shea butter, coconut oil & bio oils on my breasts , being very careful - wearing a good sports braa constantly.
Couldn't be happier ....here are some snaps now
8 months later.... :3
Just thought I'd check in.... Wow! It's been 8 months now,, visiting RealSelf again has been on my mind recently ... I just have to come chat & meet with the community where it all began...the site that helped me so much & a clutch for me through the tough times.. Even down the road....
So Since my Explant iv been feeling awesome! Still horrified about ever getting them done & I don't not even for a minute Regret the move I made. It was so not meant to be :( and I wish even harder everyday that I never tampered with my God given beautiful body.. If anything I spend some mornings after I wake replaying the mistake, the months leading up to my initial BREAST surgery...replaying my thoughts.. Wishing with every piece of me that I didn't go ahead with it. Even the day 18th December 2013 strikes chords with me & will be a red flag day for my entire life. The day I allowed some stranger surgeon to hack into my rib cage & slice away at my intact perfect unique muscles, nerves, tissues & skin for I don't know what reason! The emotions still run wild through me even this far down the road... I feel unhappy , nostalgic, disfigured when I look at images of myself before this.. I dislike how I can never get her back again & I ruined her purity...i think about how I let someone stretch my Breast skin so barbarically & tear away at my delicate nerve system around my breasts, they were so sensitive & now that has been almost diminished. I get soooo unhappy & sad about the whole horrible stupid ordeal & I just wish I gave it more thought! I just didn't. And yes while I am a survivor , a victor ... I came back to the site today to share that I still get really down about it wishing so bad to turn back time & do things differently :(
I let myself down so badly. but I also want to say that I do fight away the dark moments.
Being the positive person I am especially after such an ordeal you HAVE to be positive - I begin to give thanks & be grateful.
To sit back & realise that there is not one person on this planet that is never going to make a mistake or do something they wish with every inch of their being that they didn't do it. And some people don't even get the choice to fix it... There is great sadness in this world & I just want to be grateful that I am so blessed & not focus on the little things but to be a warrior & bask in the radiance of overcoming & rather to be a help then a misery.
I sit back and I begin to be Grateful that I could get explant done, that it was a success & my breasts look good despite the trauma; that even though I lost sensitivity & feel less feminine I am grateful that I have a caring boyfriend, he kisses them tenderly & I forget ... Because it feels wonderful, our sex life is amazing. He has so much respect for me & admires my bravery to be Real & that is something he supports...he stood by me through it all, from the beginning when I completely ignored him about getting them in the 1st place right to when I got them explanted. I give thanks for my blessings, provision , my loving boyfriend & family & my body... Every corner of it. I am so grateful for my life and this experience taught me to see myself in a whole different way. I truly love myself in a healthy way...something I never did before the surgery. I love & appreciate all the great people in my life, something I took for granted. It's just amazing how something as devastating as this needed to happen for me to change for the better. I have another chance to enjoy and value the life & time I got on this earth.
2 years on & no regrets :-)
Here are some current pictures of my fresh natural boobies ...
I like to come back now and again because RealSelf helped me so much at my darkest moments ... I am so glad I removed them & will never understand how crazy I was to get them done in the first place!
I am slowly getting over the shock and anger & I have learned a great deal about self love xxxx
I love every bit of my body and I am slow to act on anything now, I am so into Yoga & finding balance, healthyeating, fitness and personal development ... Love yourself and enjoy life, stop fixating on your looks and appearance , go out into the world and make a difference, embrace your talents, educate yourself, see the world... There is a great beautiful world out there and you certainly don't need to butcher yourself to enjoy it more... Your are beautiful , YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL.
Stay Calm, Stay positive.... All the right things will happen for you at the right time - Stop fighting life and Just Be Happy xxx
All my love....
From me X
Freedom is Love
One more thing .... I feel
Sexy, desirable , smart, confident and it's my story - I wouldn't change anything now, I had to live it. I could sit and wish I never did it but then that girl had nooo idea, it happened the way it did and that's that!! I accept it, I don't feel that anger of why did I ? anymore....
It's more a matter of owning it, my journey... I am Recovered, I am Healed xxx