Bedside Manner Zero

I left this appointment feeling bad about myself, and that's not okay. I went in for Botox and possibly lip filler. I've seen Melody several times and she's excellent at her job. Front desk staff Ashley and Crissie are kind, professional, and thorough.

My issue is with the doctor, who popped into my appointment unexpectedly. She said, more than once, "please don't hesitate to ask questions," so I did. My appointment wasn't with her, but since she opened the door and she's a doctor, I respected her input and asked specifically about my lips. She obviously was rushing to leave and probably came in to speak to Melody, not me. I get it, but please do not insult me by offering "to answer any questions you have." It reads as insincere and condescending.

After a couple of minutes of small talk, I asked her which filler I should use and if my lips needed more volume. Instead of answering my specific questions, she started talking about my face and how it's aging. That wasn't what I asked, and it made me feel bad. Yes, I have nasolabial folds. Yes, I have gravity pull, laxity, volume loss and normal aging on my face. I am almost 60. I'm aware of all of it. I'm saving for a facelift and have deliberately chosen not to fill my face, only my lips. I've read that fillers can complicate a facelift later, and I follow a skilled surgeon who has written about exactly this. Between that and other articles I've read on biostimulators like Sculptra, which I have also done, I made the informed decision a few years ago to stop filling my face and put my funds toward a facelift instead.

I'm sure her comment wasn't meant as a judgment, but it landed as one. The message felt like, "it doesn't matter if you do your lips, the rest of your face looks aged." I wanted her opinion on which filler would work best for my lips, NOT an assessment of "the whole picture" or a comment that "the aging around the mouth is what people see." Ouch.

This is exactly why plastic surgeons, and I've worked for a few, are trained to ask, "What would you like to improve?" That question puts the decision in the patient's hands instead of pointing out what's wrong with them. If I had unlimited funds and resources, believe me, I'd do it all. But that's not the reality for most of us, and it's not what I came in for.

Two takeaways: if you're rushed, please don't invite questions and then use them to critique something the patient DIDN'T ask about. And if a patient asks a specific question, please just answer that question.