37yo, Body is JACKED After Having 2 Sweet Kids (Tummy Tuck, Breast Aug, Lipo)

I just booked my surgery for what I call a "mommy...

I just booked my surgery for what I call a "mommy makeover".
The plan:
1. New boobs (no, you won't see me ever post my boob pics here. Just trust that I'm barely an A-cup, it's just a small mushy lump of skin).
2. Tummy tuck
3. Lipo of the flank (aka back fat. This seems to be standard procedure, to help really create the hourglass shape).
4. Lipo of the outer thighs. Wasn't originally part of the plan but if you're already paying for the operating room and the doctor, for a bit more to take off a chunk off your thighs wouldn't you do it?

I haven't picked a boob size yet. I work in tech and don't need anything that screams "big boobs!". I would actually be fine with just perky B-cup boobs again but that seems pretty stupid to drop a few grand and go that small. So we'll see.

Right now I look like I'm 4-5 months pregnant. Everything is loose and baggy on me except on my stomach. I just want 'ish to fit properly. I want to stop feeling like the only things that would look good on me are maternity pants and tops.

Another reason I don't want to go too big with the boobs is that I don't want the reverse problem: right now I have to wear baggy stuff because nothing fits my stomach. I don't want to end up having to wear a size bigger to accommodate boobs but have everything be baggy elsewhere.

It's almost midnight, it's Friday, so I'm rambling.

I research 3 doctors (more on that later), I ended up going with the middle of the range. I had hesitations with the 2 other ones but today when I went for my annual obyn appointment (I felt like a douche confessing to her that I was planning on getting this done), she said she's heard good things about Dr. Smith and that she believes a coworker of hers with breast cancer opted for him as well. If another doctor pics him, he must be good right?

RIGHT?!!

Two pics for today. One of my stretchy excess skin on my stomach. The other is a bad attempt at showing how the gap between my ab muscles is so bad, the excess skin sinks into it (however with the flash on my phone, it doesn't look THAT bad...but trust me, it sinks in pretty deep into the crevice of my stomach. It's gnarly).

Updating life insurance

So this has been a good kick in the pants to update my life insurance. I'm notorious for being super insured, but I just discovered that I got supplemental life insurance too long ago; my policy expires in NINE years! That's not going to do jack when you've got two small kids. So now I'm scrambling to increase my life insurance before this surgery, because I don't want to be the a-hole to who dies during elective surgery...let alone one who dies during elective surgery with barely any life insurance.

I'm an incredibly morbid person, I could watch surgery shows for days on end. It would be a dream of mine to have my surgery be filmed. My husband filmed most of my c-section the second time around because I was so annoyed that he barely filmed any of the surgery the first time. In a perfect world, i would take my excess cut off skin home with me.

Why am I getting a tummy tuck?

I have a few people that have asked me why I'm getting a tummy tuck, "you don't need it". Here's the list:
1. My back kills when I carry my kids or lift anything, I have zero abs to support my back. When your inner abs (TVA) are jacked, you can't do anything to build up the other muscles (and there'd be no point).
2. I'm tired of lifting my loose skin when it gets stuck or caught on something. It pinches and it hurts.
3. Obviously there's a vanity aspect to it...I want to feel better about myself.
4. I'd like to not have people get excited when they see me because they think I'm pregnant again.
5. The logistics of clothes. I'm not talking just how I look. If a size bigger could solve this, I'd be fine with it. I'm the same size as when I was 4 months pregnant. That means i'm small everywhere except my belly...and only maternity clothes fit well. If i buy up, it's baggy in all the wrong spots. Right now I pretty much just live in baggy jeans and baggy tshirts.

Picking my boob size

So my boobs have been secondary to the flat tummy, because the catalyst for all this was my looking pregnant. I probably would have just kept the crappy boobs if I wasn't already dealing with this excessive skin on my stomach.

I went in to try on sizers. It's weird. I mean, you're born with how you look. You can attach fake eyelashes but you know those are removable, like clothes. But implants...that's kind of f*cking around with God/mother nature/whatever-higher-power-you-believe-in. It's kind of like when people try to breed random animals like a donkey and a lion. It's not normal. It's not natural (this coming from a girl who will always chose a Ruffles chip over a bowl of organic kale).

The consultant chick (not sure if she's a nurse, her name is Katrina and she's amazing) cranked up the Dyson heater to 96 degrees while I stood there in a granny, no-wire-no-padding bra. Appreciated the heat like you wouldn't believe. It's the little things! Then you get these specially-shaped silicone blobs that are meant to mimic how it'll look like. They go in increment of 25ccs, but you have to keep in mind that 25ccs of it is all inside of you. So if you like how 500ccs look with the blobs, then you get 525 to achieve that look in surgery.

She started with 275 and my reaction was "whoaaaa! WTF!!!". But then after staring I realized I needed to go bigger. It's not an easy thing to gauge. Because I was going over lunch house, I didn't have my husband with me.

They also have this 3D machine that can show what various sizes look like as well. I left feeling pretty good about 300ccs...but now i'm thinking since they always say to go up some, I should do 525. Apparently each 25cc is really just one ounce.

It's pretty stressful, because you only get one shot at it.

I'm a little bummed because my nipples are almost inverted thanks to all that breastfeeding (sigh, i really should have appreciated my small perky boobs so much more pre-baby. As far as i'm concerned, they were effing flawless in comparison to now). It doesn't sound like that part will change much after i get the implants. Not the end of the world, i don't go around flashing my nipples to the world, I just hate how those look more than the actual overall lack of breast tissue.

I'm also vowing to NOT complain about the pain during the recovery. I mean, if someone asks me, I'll tell them how the pain is. But i chose this, this is elective, you don't get to stab your hand with a knife and then bitch about how much it hurts.

Waiting game...

So my surgery is scheduled pretty far out (or at least, it was) because I wanted to take advantage of a holiday weekend plus it was the best time for my husband to take a chunk of time off work.

I'm back to thinking of just doing 300 CCs. I get the feeling that last minute I'll decide to go with 325. Meh.

Almost a month away...

Normally I'm such a planner, I have everything all purchased and packed and prepped. After having two kids and having to worry about them, anything that involves me on my own is an afterthought. I flew last year for a weekend trip in another COUNTRY and my carry-on was so empty, I was able to fill it with years of unread magazines.

So for this surgery, I really don't have anything. My husband can run out and get anything but I figure the only thing I'll need in order to return to work is a front-closing bra, however not knowing what size i'll be makes that pretty hard (I guess i could just buy a medium and hope for the best).

Another pic of my stomach. When I lay down, I'm reminded of the gaping hole between my abdominal muscles and the vast amount of skin that gets sucked into it. I realized that the pregnancy line will probably be cut out, which will be nice...why the eff hasn't that thing gone away yet?!

Skin texture

The texture of my skin is pretty gnarly. If the problem were JUST the texture i wouldn't care, but it's pretty crazy how having two kids rips your flesh on the outside.

Second baby belly

Organizing some photos, came across this bad photo from my husband's cell phone a few days before I gave birth with baby #2. My stomach was so big that my shirts couldn't cover my stomach, you could see the stretchy waistband of my jeans. Man, my body hurts looking at it...I feel sorry for me in this picture.

A month away

Damn, is it really a month away?
Another picture of my stomach, i can flex it in so many ways to make the weirdest shapes. It's like rolling waves under my stomach.

Sigh, crying

So part of the reason I finally caved and decided on the tummy tuck is because I was tired of having hysterical crying meltdowns before events because nothing fit me. It wasn't like "oh, this looks bad"...it's the same feeling you have when you're trying to hide your second pregnancy and you can't, because everything is ill-fitting.

Well this weekend i have to travel for my mother in law's memorial service and in between doing all the paperwork for my life insurance, all the paperwork to refinance our house, the chaos from tenting our house for termites, having something called a "full time job while watching 2 small kids on my own M-F", planning a trip to northern california...I didn't even think about what I'M going to pack for this service. Truthfully, I kind of figured at the rate his family is going, I could wear jeans. I don't know.

Well that's not an option, and it's going to be hot as f*ck this weekend. It'll be 82 degrees IN A HOUSE WITHOUT AIR CONDITIONING and i'll have my 1. 5year old daughter in my arms the entire time (because my mother in law's house is filthy and a death trap). I don't have time to go shopping in the next 2 days, especially since I've been unsuccessful at finding ANYTHING, ever, and thus the desire to get surgery in the first place. All of my dress pants are packed away because I can't zip them up over my stomach. To top it off, I can't even rely on a relatively stretchy short skirt, not only because I'll be watching 2 small kids in a house that is one step from collapsing from rat and termite damage, but also because we'll be staying with my brother and my evil sister in law, and they're religious enough that I won't be allowed to walk through the front door if i'm not wearing something ankle-length.

I realize this is all probably very first-world-problem-ish, but I was already thinking today how overwhelmed I'm feeling from having to juggle a million things plus attempt to keep my head afloat at work let alone my struggle with clothes. I honestly don't have a single moment to go shopping between now and when we leave...and what would be the point? Even if i got something like a long black maxi skirt (*shudder*...i honestly hate all things "maxi"), i'm so short that i'll just trip over myself unless I wear 4" heels,which is NOT an option in the deathtrap house while watching 2 small kids for hours on end.

Honestly...part of me just wants this surgery so that I have an excuse to lay in bed and not move. I'm paying $17k just an excuse to sleep.

Meh

The minute I hit "send" on the last post i remembered I have a pair of grey trousers cotton trousers with stretch, they're not ideal and i'll have to iron them when i'm at my brother's (no way in hell am i going to bother beforehand). If I ever wonder whether the TT is worth it, I'm going to remember tonight and think that vanity aside, I don't have time to deal with trying to find things that genuinely fit. Right now i'm lucky that I'm at a company and an industry that allows me to dress like a slob, but if I ever went back to a company that actually cared if I shower then I could no longer get away with baggy jeans and baggy tshirts with hoodies. Damn...what if I could no longer wear hoodies to cover myself up?

I was also thinking how i'm nearing a point where I don't have to worry about washing bras that I put in my handwash pile of clothes. Like when I'm done wearing one, i have enough in my drawers to last me though till the surgery. I have a LOT of bras, probably the one perk of being small-chested is that you don't need to worry about buying good-quality bras that provide good support.

Random thought: today I wore a stiff cotton tshirt (a cheap crappy company one...remember how I mentioned that i can dress like a slob?), it's relatively form-fitting. All day long i could FEEL the stiff fabric cling to my stomach. It was baggy in the waist but then tight in the belly (aka, pregnancy belly). I tried envisioning what it will feel like to not have that stiff fabric rubbing against my stomach all day.

Another random thought: lots of times you read/hear about people who used to be morbidly obese, lost all the weight, their partner tells them how gorgeous they are, but deep down they still feel like "the fat girl". I'm pretty sure it will take me a long time to stop feeling like I'm some disproportionate Jabba the Hut. I see on this site how post-surgery women are so stoked to buy bikinis and bras. I'm pretty sure that I'll still have the "weird body" mindset and that even if my husband tells me i look fantastic,, I'll still feel ridiculous in a low-cut top or swimsuit.

I give props to women who are fine with their appearances post-baby. I admire them and I think it's great. For me, it's just messing with my head too much with what i see in the mirror and how physically uncomfortable I feel.

I sense that one month left to go before surgery = I start acting like Jack Nicholson in The Shining.

Naysayers...

I haven't told too many people about this. Not because I care if people know; truthfully, other than coworkers, I couldn't care a less who knows. I just don't want to hear anyone give me the "but you're so tiny!" pitch or try to tell me it's not a big deal. Fortunately most of the people that I have told are incredibly supportive.

I'll be more open about it after the fact, not only because by then it'll be too late, but because I'll also be able to say if it was indeed worth it. Right now it's kind of up in the air, but if after it's done I think it's worth it...well...no one can argue with me after.

18 Days...'ish is getting real

18 days. That's insane. I feel like it's not real, so I haven't really planned for it. I suddenly realized that since I'm not spending the night at home, I need to pack an actual bag. I need to actually figure out what I'm going to wear for 24 hours that I won't be in my house.

Really my main source of angst is work. Not that I have a super high-profile job, but after having lived through the dot-com bust of the early 2000s I have a healthy fear that anytime I'm gone for more than a day, I'm going to get laid off. To top it off, I'm also in the middle of hiring a minion to help me out, so that's adding to the stress of trying to plan all of this.

Next source of stress is another thing related to work: seriously, how the f*ck am I going to hide this? I mean, I can dress like a slob so that's okay. But even my coworkers are going to be like "really? track pants?". So I'm thinking of telling folks that I"m taking time off to repair an umbilical hernia. That way it'll explain my time off (not that i need to provide an explanation), any mobility issues i have when I return, and mostly why I'll just be dressed like I raided the clearance section at Target (because I will absolutely be raiding the clearance section at Target to find stuff to wear).

Back to the previous post about naysayers: I'm definitely not telling my family. We aren't close in that sense and they're ultra judge-y...I grew up in a very, very religious family where my mom still makes a point of schooling me on what to say, what not to say, etc. I'm almost 40 and my mom still feels the need to educate me on the proper etiquette of dealing with my gossipy family.

Oh the flip side though, it does help to live in Orange County, where everyone knows someone (or dozens like i do) that have had plastic surgery. I have regular ongoing texts with some of my mom friends about the latest moisturizing cream or how to go to Mexico to get Latisse. Although it makes me wonder, if i didn't live here would I still be doing this? (Probably because it'd be half the cost!)

I wash my bras on the hand-wash cycle. I'll wait until I have a decent amount before I wash them (I have a sh*t ton of bras, that's the one perk of being flat-chested: bras are cheap). Tonight I put a bunch away. I put two in my designated "hand-wash only" bin and realized that's going to be the last time I'll wear those bras. That's crazy to me.

Although there's a part of me that doesn't think this is going to happen. A friend of mine got sent home the day of her surgery because they needed to put in spacers in her chest, her skin needed to be stretched out or something like that. She had to wait two more weeks. She was devastated at the time. In my case I don't care so much about having to wait as much as the perfect coordination between my work, my husband's time off, the kids' schedule, the overnight care place, etc. This dance has to go flawlessly.

11 Days Away - Pre-Op in 2 days

I guess I should seriously plan now. I can't wrap my head around this happening.

Took some pics in my only non-padded bikini. So hard to take pictures while twisting my body, especially with a "good" camera (not a cell phone). I'll have my husband take pics the night before the surgery, but pics like these help me mentally validate.

Not that I have much choice, I just sent the final amount due.

I'll update after my pre-op appointment on Monday.

I realized that I'll be on my period during the surgery. Good times.

Pre-Op...holy crap, 'ish just got REAL

My pre-op appointment was yesterday, and the list of things to do, remember, buy, is unreal.

I've had two children, I figure if you can plan for that you can plan for a mommy makeover. Here's the difference that I have to wrap my head around: if I do something wrong, they can turn me away. They can actually CANCEL this. Unlike when you have a baby.

If i have even a stick of gum the night before surgery, they can turn me away (they can see gastric juices).
If i put on lotion or anti-perspirant, they can turn me away.
If I have a hint of a cold, they can turn me away.

I also got the massive list of meds to fill (the only thing covered under insurance). Do you know how impossible it is to find Percocet in OC? I spent an hour and a half driving around trying to find a pharmacy that could fill it, none of them kept it in stock (understandably) but the turnaround time is 2 weeks. And you can't call and ask, because there's some law that says you have to be in-person with the Rx in hand before they'll tell you anything. Fortunately I found a Rite Aid that told me they would be getting in one whole bottle the next day.

While I was there I picked up some anti-bacterial soap, figured I might as well hedge my bets against getting sick. I also went to Target and found some pants that I think will work when I return to work (so, so glad my job is crazy casual. I mean, i really could show up in a paper robe and they'd be fine with it. I'm just trying to keep this as ninja stealth as possible, so I can't wear something that I wouldn't normally wear. It sounds like it can be even 2 months before i can fit into jeans again.

Learned a lot about drains. I was worried that i could pull them out, but they're around a foot long inside of me. Although the doc did tell me about a patient who had complications because a drain came out and her husband just shoved it back in without telling them. My husband looked like he was going to have a heart attack with all the things they were telling him needed to be done. Like back to the drains, I have to pour out the liquid regularly and chart how much is there. Gnarly stuff.

I told the good doctor about my crazy fascination with all things surgery, about how much I'd LOVE metrics: what's the weight of what was cut out? Measurements? How much liquid got sucked out? What's the weight of the implants? Is it possible to photograph (when possible, obviously surgery needs come first) anything and everything? If it were up to me the whole thing would be filmed. And i'd be awake watching the whole thing.

And finally: the implant size. At this point we were running kind of late to pick up my kids from daycare, I was like "fine, 300ccs. Whatever. Surprise me. You get the gist of what i'm looking for. I JUST WANT TO BE PROPORTIONATE, I DON'T CARE WHAT THE NUMBER IS TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN".

I asked him to mark me up with the fancy plastic surgery marker so I can get an idea of where the scars will be and how much will be cut out. It's kind of crazy how much will be chopped out. It's like the size of a football (I uploaded the photos here for you to see). I didn't upload the pics of my boobs, but i was surprised at how long those incisions are, they're almost 2" long under each boob.

I also inquired about the logistics of being on my period during surgery. No tampons obviously but after the surgery i'm not going to be able to tell the nurses to smack a pad on my underwear. It sounds like I'm the first person ever to be in this boat, and I'm like "I need to make sure that pad is ON, I don't want to bleed through my compression garment". So i'll have to make sure the nurses know this and if i'm wearing my own underwear, have that pad already ON the underwear.

Next up: pick up my Rx, pack my 'ish, confirm stuff with Camilla's Cottage (the folks who will take care of me overnight), take two showers with some medical body wash and then show up on the 14th at 8am. My husband actually won't be able to be there when i'm wheeled in, my son has to be at preschool at 8:30 (there's no early drop offs and we don't have anyone we can ask).

Countdown: 7 days

So I filled my prescriptions:
Hibiclens, which isn't an Rx but mandatory for the shower the day before and the day of. I'm pretty sure it won't smell as nice as hibiscus.
Percocet: if I become a pill-popping addict, I'll make sure to mention this surgery on my episode of Intervention.
Antibiotics: obviously
Anti-bac gel: some anti-bacterial gel to put around the drains.

Let's talk drains.

Do a google image search on drains and abdominoplasty. Those are starting to freak me out a little. I want those mofos out as soon as possible. I'm scared I'll accidentally smush one. After the delivery of my 2nd child, I accidentally rested her on my leg, which had the catheter line. The whole thing backed up. Fast forward 8 weeks later when a massive blood clot came out of my girl parts and i was peeing straight up vampire blood. So i'm scared about any tubes that are meant to expel liquids from my body.

I was sent home with a sh*t ton of paperwork, mostly pre- and post-op instructions for each type of surgery (so a lot of repetitive stuff). THere was a mention that I need to bring in my mammogram results, something we never discussed. I did happen to get a mammogram months ago, i was finishing nursing and it was the remnants of milk. However I didn't keep the "all clear" paper, not realizing that I'd need it for this. So I immediately emailed Katrina, hoping that she'll tell me that it's all good. I mean, I would hope that if that was a requirement they'd ask for that BEFORE they take your payment in full.

Having 2 kids, I'm always planning our weekends out in advance. It's been hard to tell people who don't know that we can't attend various functions. I actually don't know at what point we can start committing to things again, but I'm vowing to try and keep things chill for at least 4 weekends. A friend who lives over an hour away has said that my husband and kids could go over for their memorial day BBQ but I just don't feel comfortable with him being that far from me a week after the surgery. The only activity we've agreed to is for my husband to go to my neighbor's kid's party the weekend of the surgery, since i can always call him to rush over if I need anything.

Packing: right now it's mutha effing cold in OC, it would be perfect for the surgery since I have to wear a zip hoodie after it. Knowing my luck we'll be in a heat wave next week. I guess after my post-op appointment and my husband takes me home, I can just be shirtless laying at home.

Confession: while I'm honestly terrified to my core about both death AND the extreme pain i'll be in if i survive, I'm kind of looking forward to having an excuse to sleep and nap. For $17k, I damn well better be able to sleep.

Countdown: 6 days

I have Europe's "The Final Countdown" playing in my head.

No need to provide mammogram results since I'm under 40.

I still need to buy from Target: pads (will be on my period during surgery), Assets (aka, Poor Man's Spanx), pick up my birth control Rx since I'll need to take the new cycle's pills over the weekend after my surgery.

Starting to freak out that I'm going to die.

Also freaked out that I'm going to live and the pain will be unbearable.

I also think I'm insane for doing this while having two young kids, but the thought of doing this after 40 makes me want to slit my wrist. It's the last of my 30s, please let me look half-decent as I exit this decade.

Countdown: 5 days

Bought the pads for when I have my period during surgery.
My surgeon's nurse (Elizabeth I think) said that to avoid nausea/bloating, I should stick with the basic BRAT diet but make sure to have protein. So i bought a ton of english muffins and peanut butter, i'll spend this weekend splitting them apart and putting them in the freezer so that when my husband has to take care of me, he can just take one out as needed.

I did a bunch of laundry this week but this weekend I need to wash MY stuff, because there's no way i can trust my husband to wash my stuff and not ruin it.

What's left:
1. Pack for the overnight stay at Camilla's Cottage.
2. Call Camilla's cottage to make sure they got my paperwork, they didn't cash the check yet.

I've watched a million YouTube videos (I love watching surgeries), my favorite recovery video series is by a girl with the username Dani.Mae. She doesn't have an irritating accent, which seems to be par for the course with people who film their recovery. Highly recommend everything she filmed, she was pretty honest.

From what i can tell, anywhere between day 1 to day 4 is "the worst day ever". So I just have to remember that the "worst day" will be short-lived.

Countdown: 3 Days

So this is the phase where my husband and I are genuinely freaking out. Mostly about death. If i die, then please let everyone on my FB page write me to say "you are the biggest d1ck for doing elective surgery that left your children without a mother".

I'm also chugging serious Diet Pepsi, knowing that I can't drink it for a long time (bloating = pain). I'll have to cut myself off tomorrow.

Two more pictures to add, another one of me pulling my skin and another one of my perspective when i lay on my side.

So i figured for "fun" I'd see what it's like to wear pads, since I haven't worn one for my period in years (wearing one post-baby doesn't count, the blood that comes out is different, more gooey). I figured since i have a box of them i might as well use them up. The cheapest ones were those U by Kotex ones, in the black box. They're got some girly pattern on them. Because only the best for the oozing goo out of my vajayjay.

So what's left:
1. Remove the nail polish off my toes, which I"m genuinely bummed to remove because that was my first pedicure in 6 months.
2. Charge and pack my Kindle Fire for the overnight stay. Probably won't use it, but being able to stream netflix if i find myself bored will be better than watching regular tv.
3.Write down passwords to my email, other random accounts.
4. Don't get sick.

Now you'd think this last one would be easy, except we went to a public play gym on Saturday (it was opening day, I figured there can't be THAT many germs in there yet) and then my daughter woke up with a snotty nose on Sunday. And she was big on giving me surprise kisses all day on Sunday, which lemme tell you...having a child spontaneously kiss you over and over is something you need to cherish because by age 5, they're so over it. At least my son is. And i didn't want to push her away and scare her from ever giving me kisses. After each snotty kiss I wiped my mouth off like crazy (all baby kisses are big, wet open-mouthed ones). We went to the library on Sunday, where I was playing with my daughter with one toy and this other toddler came over to play, this kid's snot was out of control. I left my diaper bag in the car or i would have offered a kleenex to her mom. Anyway she kept coughing over and over on me, and i'm like "arghghgh! get the eff away from me!".

I'm not allowed Vitamin C right now, or else i would have loaded up big time to ward off infection. 3 days...just don't get sick for 3 days.

I counted out my bras, I have 30 of them (and then maybe another 8 sports bras). Even if i didn't spend a lot on those bras, that's still probably $350-$400 worth. Obviously I'm not going to run out and spend that much initially, especially since I'm not supposed to be wearing underwire for a crazy long time (like 6 months or something like that).

I usually moisturize my stomach like crazy to try and make the skin texture better, now i'm like "haha! screw you! dry out! see if i care....".

Countdown: 2 Days

So what's left:
1.Write down passwords to my email, other random accounts.
2. Don't get sick.

Now my husband is sick. WTF.

I wrote to the managers of Real Self pointing out that it's pretty lame that you can't delete or edit an entry (I have one above that i'd like to ax because it's just me freaking out and it's stupid, but it's there forever). As someone who works in tech/software, it's frustrating to see bad UI/UX on websites like this. Anyhoo...

This morning while rocking my daughter and giving her milk, I just suddenly panicked and realized: I don't want to do this. I don't want to do this. I just dropped $17900 to possibly DIE and lose this precious world forever.

Less than 48 hours away, and now i don't give a sh*t about how it looks or the extreme pain, i just want to come out ALIVE. I think other people are nervous but excited at this stage (based off of my 0 research that i've done), I'm seriously on the edge of the diving board with everyone screaming at me to jump and all i can say is "I don't wanna!!".

On a completely fickle and unrelated note, it's a bummer that I can't take advantage of all the Memorial Day online shopping sales because it'll be a long time before know my new size.

I swear...people should just have kids when they're in they're 20s, then they can justify getting this done when they're 29, bounce back quickly, and be good to go. I'm too old for this.

I need a paper bag to breathe in.

Countdown: 1 day

(Europe) IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN...nanananaaaaaaaa...nanana na naaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

To do:
1.Write down passwords to my email, other random accounts.
2. Don't get sick.

I was going to do the passwords thing last night but then my husband was like "I can't understand your handwriting!" and i told him i'm NOT emailing it to him, so basically I have to type it up, print, and then close without saving.

Speaking of tech issues, aside from the super lame "can't delete or edit your post" here on Real Self, it's also really dumb that your own posts get added to the notification feed. I'm aware I updated, I don't need a notice. What WOULD be nice would be a notification about comments so that i don't have to manually click and expand ALL my previous posts' to figure out if anyone new posted. Super lame.

The nurse from the surgery facility called, we had a chat about all things related to:
Period (bring extra pads, i'm going home in my own underwear)
Moisturizer (it can't even be allowed on the face because of flamability issues)
Timing (it probably won't take 3 hours)
Clothes (flip flops, baggy pants, zip hoodie. The only thing i'm not wearing out that i wore in will be a bra...which is good, 'cause i wasn't even going to wear one going in anyway)
Stats (they will absolutely weigh things, the only camera allowed in there is the doctor's so it's up to him to decide if he can photograph my goopy mess).
Meds (yes i filled the Rx, no i have not had any blood thinners)

It's on.
Like Tron.

Sh*t, i forgot that I should be chugging diet pepsi. Dammit. Well at least i caught it after a few sips.

Day 2 (3?) Post-Op

Going to try to avoid writing the usual stuff that other people write.

Surgery: no catheter, general anesthesia is no joke...if you've ever been put under for a wisdom tooth or your tonsils, that's a whole other type of anesthesia. My surgery started at 8:45am on THursday, this 'ish didn't wear off until 4am the next day.

After surgery I was taken to the after-care home (Camilla's Cottage), which hands-down was the BEST option. Don't even think about going straight home after. I would have been a disaster if I had attempted the first 24 hours at home. Having nurses dote on me was great, they were able to tell me what was normal and what wasn't.

Drains: only got one drain. It stays in until there's barely anything coming out, which won't be assessed until my 7-day post-op appointment. That also means NO SHOWERING until then.

SEVEN DAYS WITH NO SHOWER. I'm only on Day 2 and i'm disgusting. A sponge bath isn't an option until tonight, after the kids are asleep. Of which, my husband is watching them 24/7 . They were in daycare/preschool yesterday but today is Saturday, so the next 2 days are going to be rough.

KIDS: yeah my daughter (1.5 years old) isn't too stoked that i can't hug and kiss her.

BED: I don't know why I thought a bunch of pillows would suffice. Needless to say last night in a fit of back pain I ordered a pillow wedge off Amazon. Yay Prime shipping. Should be in by Monday. I also have a pillow-top King-size bed, so I had to use a stepstool to climb up in.

PAIN: the first day sucked. I mean seriously, it suuuuuccckkked. Since then I've had moments of extreme discomfort combined with all over "ugh i feel like i've been hit by a truck", but nothing like that first day.

LIPO AREAS: I honestly forget that i had lipo, and the entry points aren't exactly where the work was done, so I tend to rub against them when sitting down. Only once was I hurting from the lipo spots, they're just bruised and sore.

BOOBS: I was told that in comparison to my stomach, this would be nothing. "They" were wrong. My boobs hurt SO much more than my stomach. Especially when getting up, i'm already hunched over so then gravity goes along with it. I generally walk with one hand on my stomach and one hand on my chest. As expected, they're hard as rocks and sore as hell. They're actually not as high up as i thought they would be. I believe we went with 300ccs in the end. So far i'm happy with the size.

STOMACH: fortunately my doctor decided to stick with just a binder-type for compression instead of a full spanxx-style outfit. He said that having to take on/off the other type would do more harm than good because it's so difficult. The weird thing is that i technically have two belly buttons, my old one was pretty high up so it couldn't be pulled all the way down, he said in a few months it'll be a super quick procedure to fix it (he didn't want to mess around with it during surgery when he had other things to worry about).

SKIN: omg, it itches so bad. Everywhere. I actually developed an allergic reaction to something, i had spots everywhere and scratched so bad i practically shredded my skin. A friend dropped off some Benadryl. This lack of showering thing is freaking me out. I don't know if i can wear anti-perspirant (being the weekend, i can't really call and ask) so I'm just a smelly gross slob right now.

BOWELS: no i haven't gone poop but it doesn't bother me (yet). On the flip side, i am burping a lot.

SLEEP: i try to catch a bit here or there, in between the anti-biotics and pain pill times. I honestly just want to sleep on my side soooo bad, being propped up on pillows isn't doing wonders for my beauty rest.

RECOVERY: I'm starting to freak out that i didn't take enough time off work.

Day 2 Post Op - Pictures

Man, a lot can change over the course of the day.

So I don't have a recliner and I ordered a wedge pillow that will arrive on Monday. Don't think for a second that you can pile up pillows, because it's incredibly difficult to rearrange pillows when you're fairly immobile. I didn't consider the rocking chair in my daughter's room because although it can recline, I associate it with serious tailbone pain that i experienced while pregnant but rocking my first child.

I have to admit though, it's pretty comfy. I need to see if my husband can drag it into our bedroom (but how he'll get my daughter to sleep without it, i have no idea). ANyway, something to consider for folks that have reclining rocking chairs in their nurseries.

Cleaning: so seriously, I'm going to need a whore bath tonight. I smell horrific. I considered wiping myself down now while my husband stepped out with the kids but I'm worried that I won't be able to put the binder on tight enough. It slid up a ton, but i don't want to pull it down in fear that it'll rip against the stiches.

Pain: my left side really hurts. I have to keep my left arm propped up, otherwise the drop of my arm hurts my left boob. I kind of wish I had a pain pump like others have, my pain solution is Percocet which can make you nauseous really quickly. The anti-nausea pills are disgusting.

Peeing: in the overnight place I was at, they had a special gadget over the toilet with handles and all that. My husband went to Walmart try get one (online it says they have them in stock) but of course, Walmart sucks so they didn't have anything. Turns out, it was fine, my toilet seats are relatively high. The main part that I needed help with initially was if my pants fell too far down for me to reach down to pull back up.

I use a step stool to help me get up on my bed, you can see it in my photos.

Seriously, at this point, all i want is a shower.

Day 3 Post Op

Last night my husband helped me with a whore bath, I took a quick pic. You can see where I had to have a vertical incision because my previous belly button (so weird to say that) was too high up and couldn't be pulled all the way down. I know my belly button can be fixed later but I sure hope that the scar can too...I need to talk to my PS about this on Thursday .

I didn't take a pic of my back, the doc glued on the gauze but all around it you can see the bruising from the lipo. It looks like someone took a hammer to my back.

So far, here's the list of things that have helped:

1. Putting the reclining rocking chair in the bedroom. Except it starts to get uncomfortable in random area, so I alternate between that and the bed.

2. I can't wait for the wedge (I ordered this http://www.amazon.com/InteVision-Wedge-Pillow-Quality-Removable/dp/B009HHLBKK/ref=sr_1_1?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1431878705&sr=1-1&keywords=pillow+wedge on AMazon, will arrive tomorrow). Screw the millions of pillows.

3. Using a small-ish blanket. I find that I go through phases where I start to burn up, it's really hard to pull on/off a huge comforter off of me. If you have a smaller lightweight blanket it'll put less strain on you when you're trying to situate yourself.

4. For my whore bath, I used these wipes which I happen to have on hand for times that I couldn't give my daughter a full bath: http://www.amazon.com/Johnsons-Skincare-Wipes-Gentle-Cleansing/dp/B00BPI7O3C/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1431878845&sr=8-1&keywords=cleansing+wipes+johnson

5. I wish I had bought facial cleansing towelettes. I considered it but figured that since I won't be wearing makeup, why bother. But my skin gets greasy really fast and my sink is really high up so it's hard to actually wash.

6. Since I spend most of my time on the bed, i keep all my 'ish on the bed. Problem is that stuff just rolls around or gets stuck in the sheets (ihave a nighstand but i can't fully turn and reach things on it). I've been using my cheap $7.99 IKEA tray (http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/06410406/) to keep lip balm, medication bottles, snacks, etc all in one spot at the perfect arm's length.

7. Bottles of water. Now is not the time to be a hippie. An open cup is hard to reach over and put away whenyou've got limited mobility. It's easier to just have normal bottles of water that you can put the cap on and toss on the bed or chair.

8. High-protein foods. I've been snacking on crackers and rice krispies squares, but it's really easy to get nauseous on the pain pills. So you need things like yogurt to help that. Unfortunately it seems we've run out of protein options in my house, we just need to survive today and then my husband can go shopping tomorrow while the kids are in daycare/preschool.

9. Entertainment: i've got a ton of stuff on my DVR. Modern Family, The Middle, Bob's Burgers...see a theme? Laughing is SO NOT FUN. Eventually The Middle got the best of me yesterday and I had to watch something lame instead.

10. SInce you can't dig through laundry, set aside in your closet or in a pile the following: all your drawstring pants, all comfy zip/button front tops, all granny panties. Low-cut panties turned out to not be as comfy because they dig into puffy skin, my granny panties felt like they provided a bit more compression and support to my skin. I was looking for my pajama pants last night which involved my husband digging through laundry asking "is this it? Is this it?". Just put them all in one spot.
Left boob is hurting WAY more than right boob.

Getting lipo on your flanks is no fun when you're stuck sleeping upright while laying on your back. I cannot WAIT to lay down normally and sleep on my side.

Last night I noticed a piece of plastic from the drain mechanism inside the drain bulb. Freaked out, called my PS, he said that as long as there's still suction in the bulb it should be fine.

The liquid in my drain is slightly more watery and less bloody. Even though it's gross, don't pour it down the toilet, since you can't lean over you'll end up splashing red goo everywhere. Just pour it down the sink, rinse it out, and don't tell anyone that you did something so gross.

And finally (although i'm sure i'll post more later, what else do I have to do all day?): even when you're barely moving all day, by the end of it you feel like you've run a marathon with people throwing rocks at you. When i took this photo last night during my wipedown, i honestly thought my body was going to collapse.

Day 3 Post Op - C-section comparison

If you're like me, you wondered how the tummy tuck recovery part would be in comparison to a c-section. I had read that they weren't at all the same.

So far, the tummy tuck has been the least of my pain issues. It may be because I already had 2 tummy tucks and already knew the "tricks" to avoid pain (e.g. how to get in/out of bed). I'm shocked that the pain from the lipo in my flanks has been significantly worse. I was also told that my boobs would be a joke in comparison to the tummy tuck pain, however that hasn't been the case. Once you're sitting down, your tummy isn't an issue. But you're still moving your upper body to reach for things, which causes pain in your chest. And simply laying down at an angle puts pressure on the lipo areas.

At this point it really only hurts when I'm moving to go to the bathroom, change my underwear, etc. For the most part, my day is pretty chill. Uncomfortable and sore, but chill.

I've also averaged taking only one nausea pill a day. Today I took one at the slightest hint of nausea, because I sure as heck don't want to risk throwing up. Not just because of the pain, but because I have no idea how the logistics of cleaning all this up will be.

I researched my belly button some more, it seems the "inverted T" is quite common, especially if you have a high belly button like I had. I'm not going to be charged any $ for it to be fixed thankfully and it's a quick outpatient procedure. Hopefully I can just take a half day off work for it.

I attempted to help my husband watch my kids when one of ours was having a tantrum. It makes me sad that I can't snuggle or play with them. My bandwidth is to sit down and read a book, which even then gets tiring. I really would have preferred to do this when my kids got older, but this isn't the type of thing you want to wait until you're 60 to do...might as well enjoy your looks with the last of your youth while you can.

I'm not draining very much,it was 20cc last night at 10pm and then later this afternoon with 25cc.I never let it fill more than that, it just get gross.

Day 4 Post Op

Four days is supposed to be the worst of the pain. Allegedly.

I still have random bumps over my body that are crazy itchy. Like on my hands. In fact, the itching under the random bandages and wraps is by far MUCH worse than any pain.

I'm sure the itching is also caused by my lack of showering. I NEED A SHOWER.

I also miss sleeping normally. I smush a small baby blanket under my neck and pray that it stays up over the course of the night.

At this point life has become pretty routine: itch, scratch, take meds, surf Facebook, itch some more, think about what you want to eat even though you're not hungry, curse at yourself (like i am right now) for twisting too far to grab a Kleenex.

Still haven't pooped for 5 days. It doesn't hurt but I anticipate that it will eventually.

I first had a lot of burping, now I have a lot of gas.

Man, I'm tired. I can't wait to sleep normally.

Posting a bunch of pics, will comment on each one individually.

Day 4 Post Op

So Real Self won't let you edit a post or add more pictures,but you can edit your images after you post (not when you first post).

Day 4 Post Op: ENd of day wrap up

Didnt take any photos tonight during my whore bath, was too tired.

Tip: in addition to having that pile of underwear, pants, tops that I mentioned earlier, make sure you have a LOT of zip/button/open tops that you can wear to sleep. I figured I had a ton of tops that I could wear to work, but i don't have very much that's comfy to wear to sleep/vegging out. My bedroom gets crazy hot.

My pillow wedge that i mentioned in an earlier post came in, TOTALLY worth the $40.

I've been taking 3 Colaces a day to help with pending constipation, and OMG it got really w today. I have zero ab muscles, I can't even push out pee (it kind of just spits out of my vajayjay to be honest). Someone in a comment mentioning reaching into the vajayjay, rubbing up against the wall to smush the poop out. And it worked.

The thing that came out of me was the same size and hardness as a hockey puck. No joke. I think I owe my butt some flowers and a "baby, i'm sorry" card.

I changed into my new tummy binder and the other bra they provided. I've had to put more gauze in between the bands and my skin, at this point I just want to be naked. I can't go that long without a binder though, even for a wipedown. I feel like my top layer of skin and my insides are like two pieces of raw chicken slapped together, held together by a compression binder. Without the binder, it feels "slippery".

I think my scar is going to be much higher than a bikini, not that it's a big deal because i don't wear bikinis that much but still...a little concerning.

Today is my 12 year wedding anniversary. I owe my husband big time for taking care of me AND the kids!

Day 5 Post Op

Nothing major to update.

Still haven't showered. My hair is STILL in the same hair blob/ponytail the nurse from the aftercare facility put it in. I can't reach my arms high up enough to do my hair.

I guess i'm glad that worst of the pain is over with (allegedly). Problem is that I'm running out of percocet, so we'll see how bad it gets.

Today's bowel movement was sponsored by Fleet, a glycerin suppository. It feels like pooping a baby when really barely anything other than a few pellets comes out. I think a suppository is the way to go for sure, zero harm and you get immediate relief. I have a massive container from when i was last pregnant.

Itching: i'm SO EFFING ITCHY. The compression binder is ribbed (think one of those polyester turtlenecks from the 90s) so that's not pleasant on my skin. The areas where the bra touches my skin is now chaffing, so I've been smushing tons gauze under there. I can't wait to buy a zip-front sports bra. My hands are super itchy and have bumps all over them, i think that's a carry-over from having all the drugs pumped through an IV int he back of my hand.

Boobs: hard, big, and hurt like hell.

Stomach: poochy. I'm really bummed about the inverted-T scar, I wish I had known that that was a possibility.

Lipo area: my lower back is the worst. By far, the WORST pain of it all. There's no relief from it: when I sit or lay down, i'm resting on it (since i can't lay on my side) and when i stand, because i have to be hunched, it just adds more pressure.

I see other people who paid like $10k for this, i'm like "pfft i would have divided this up!". Since it's $8k out the gate just to be put under and rent a hospital room, there was no way i could afford to break this operation up. But if you have the money, hell yes, do the boobs separately.

Kids: i feel like it's been a lifetime since i've spent time with my kids. They're so little, they can't really cuddle up to me and be delicate. My oldest has high-functioning autism, so he's already hard enough as it is. Right now I feel guilty because my husband is exhausted and my son is having a meltdown, i tried to go in to help but other than sitting there and rubbing my son's back there isn't a whole lot I can do. I feel like my little toddler has grown up overnight, she's big time a daddy's girl now :( I tried to even read a book to her today and she grabbed the book then dragged it over to my husband. Sigh. Lots of damage control with the kids for sure.

Planning: as a parent of two small kids who works full time, my weekends are always PACKED full of birthday parties, playdates, etc. I havent' scheduled anything for weeks because I wasn't sure about my recovery time. I have friends that are trying to plan stuff and it's hard to say "hey so uh maybe in 6 weeks?".

So looking back, I still say the absolute worst of it all was the first 24 hours. And i wouldn't have survived if i didn't stay in the aftercare facility with nurses. Not just because my husband wasn't equipped to handle it all, but because having experienced nurses to answer my millions of questions/concerns really helped make things better.

Emotions: other than the guilt of things with the kids, I'm definitely feeling bummed about things (my T-scar! my massive boobs! i want a shower!). I feel like i've been stuck in bed and the rocking chair for weeks. It's only been five days! I joked that I paid this much for a nap, not realizing how exhausted I am because I can't sleep comfortably at ALL. The travel neck pillow thing was a bust, so I just survive by smushing a baby blanket under my neck and pray i can get comfy.

Oh the drain...it looks like nothing much is coming out anymore. So either the drain line is clogged or i've pretty much dripped out what I can.

Seriously. I just want to walk upright, shower, and sleep on my side like i used to.

post op day 6: thigh picture

Photo is upside down and the line is from the plastic surgeon's marker, but you can see the bruising on my thigh. All the bruising on me is in the worst state of dark purple. Note that you can see a cellulite lump, the area he did sadly didn't get that spot!

When he did my outer thigh lipo he went in almost under my butt, so there's no holes directly on my thighs or bandages.

One day until I can shower! Although i'm pretty sure my husband will have to bathe me, I can't put my arms above my head still and I can barely breathe without the binder on. I'm thinking I'll keep the binder on in the shower until the very end, then switch to a dry binder after.

I'll find out how soon I can wear spanx-type of garments. After reading some reviews I bought two of the Assets brand. I didn't know what size so I just got the smallest.

I weighed myself twice since the surgery. I was 110 before I even had a bowel movement, then a few days later I was 111. I'm hoping it's just more swelling and not because I've been sitting on my ass eating all day. Last thing I want to do is undo all this effort! I need to find out how much my implants weigh.

I'm terrified to go to work on tuesday.

Day 6 Post Op

Coughing.

Unbearable.

I've managed to suppress the same cough for 3 days.

I sneezed once, but at least with a sneeze you can suppress it and be done with it. No one coughs just once; it's a series of coughs.

I've managed to hold it in with smaller coughs but just now i had a tough time keeping it down (it's still in my throat, i feel it each time i swallow), i feel like I"ve been punched in the stomach. I can't wait until I can cough to my heart's content.

Day 7 Post Op

I'm leaving to go to my 1-week post op soon but figured I'd post a pic from my last whore bath...can't wait for a real shower!!

Day 7 Post Op: NO SHOWER!

Gahh! The highlight of my week was getting the drain out so that I can shower. I had my 1-week post op today, and I was told I have to wait 24 hours to shower because he wants to make sure I don't get water in that drain hole.

Random summary of the appointment:
- stitches from under my boobs came out, I can wear other front-closure bras like sports bras. Aim on the size too big over too small (i.e. don't smush). I'm super glad, i've got chafing from the super awesome medical-grade granny bra i've been wearing all week.

- I now have to wear a high-waisted, thigh-covering compression garment. I need the thigh compression for the lipo. They gave me one but it's a size medium, and while it was a bitch to put on it didn't provide any compression. So i still have my binder over it (i still have to wear the binder at night). I have the Target Asset brand of Spanx, but i'll wear that tomorrow after I get a damn shower. They're all about avoiding bumps and creasing, so i can't wear underwear under the CG.

- now that I'm low on Percocets (I'm hoping I can save them so that I can one per day as soon as I get home from work next week to get through the "hump" of watching the kids before bed). Until the 2-week mark, all I can take is extra-strength Tylenol. Which I don't have. Husband will have to get some tomorrow.

- The drain coming out didn't hurt at all, it was definitely weird to see it pulled out. Kind of like when you see a clown pull a massively long scarf out of his mouth.

- I no longer need to walk with a hunch in my back. Yay! I can't walk like i've got perfect posture, but i have crappy posture anyway courtesy of years with zero ab muscles.

- Around 600 CCs of fluid was taken out of my flanks and outer thighs

- I saw a picture of the skin that was cut out (I'm a fan of all things gnarly and gross, like pictures of my own skin on a table). It was crazy trippy because i could see a freckle that I knew was going to get cut out. It was like seeing a picture of a severed arm and you're able to identify it by tattoo.

- I asked more about the inverted T, he said that the end resulting scar will be pretty faint. He said that sometimes you have to do that ifyou want a REALLY tight/flat result (he could have not done it, but my stomach wouldn't have been as flat). So of course, i'd rather have that.

- I asked about coughing and he said that I could very well damage things by coughing hard, so i just have to really hold my stomach in. It seems it'll be this way for a good 2 months.

I think that's the gist of it. Getting that CG on/off to go pee SUCKS. And the Target ones don't have pee holes. So since this one is too big anyway, I went and cut a pee hole. But there's still a big drip factor, so I read something about people making funnels. In the absence of anything all that usable, I rummaged through the pantry and found those small kids' Dixie cups you use for mouthwash. I cut a hole out of the bottom and made a funnel, it did the job but it's definitely a single-use cup system.

My tip, if you're going cut a hole out of CGs, is to sit down on the toilet when you're cutting so you get an idea of where the hole should go (it needs to be further back than you think). Definitely get some styrofoam cups so that you can easily cut a hole out, the dixie cup thing is really small and got really precarious.

Done with the antibiotics. Will be nice to not have to set an alarm to wake up in t he middle of the night to take them.

Today was probably the first day where I did "normal" stuff, with limits...preparing some food, putting away laundry (i was on the floor while putting stuff on hangers, but still...productive). Although just a few hours of light work (very very light work) and i'm already wiped. I'm hope this means that if i rest up over the weekend I'll be good by Tuesday to go back to work. Yay for a desk job. I fully intend on taking a disposable coffee cup to the bathroom with me at work, piercing a hole (note to self: wear earrings), and using that as a funnel so i don't pee all over my CG at work.

Tomorrow I'm going to see how the stretchy pants I bought fit with the CG, there's a chance they might be too big because I went with a Medium. Husband (and friend that came over) noted that i definitely look crazy thin now.

Tonight I'm going to try and sleep in bed instead of the rocking chair in hopes that i can put the latter back in my daughter's nursery. It's taking up a ton of room in my bedroom!

Oh, to answer:
How are you feeling overall?
Much, much better. It helped to get out of the house, get the drain out. Night and day compared to a week ago.
Still need pain meds?
I've been doing okay. Today I took one right before they took the drain out, i'm going to try and avoid taking anymore and rely on Extra Strength Tylenol tomorrow.
Is it easier to use the bathroom?
Yeah peeing is normal, minus the logistics mentioned above.
Bms back to normal?
Sadly, nope...fleet for the win!

Day 7 Post Op: Forgot to add...

Boobs...

They're huge. I mean, MASSIVE. I asked the PS what % swollen they are (so i can figure what they'll go down to) but he said he had no idea, there's no % you can give.

Some people want big boobs. I honestly would have been fine with a B cup, if that didn't seem stupid to spend money on. I'm nervous that 300CCs are too much.

Now my husband says it's all in my head, that these are probably the same size as when i was breastfeeding (uh,no...i barely made any milk while nursing and had to stop early both times. These are not small Cs that i've got right now. I"ve got huge porn star boobs).

I know the swelling will go down, but these puppies better go down a TON. When i go through other people's pictures here on this site I feel like they don't go down that much. I'm almost 40, I don't want in 10 years to have big boobs on my small old lady frame.

It is what it is. and I'm the one who was kind of like "do what you think is best", but damn...these melons are definitely XXX-ready.

Day 8 Post Op: SHOWERED!!!

The highlight of my week: I got to shower. 8 days not showering...i have NEVER in my entire life ever gone that long without showering. I feel gross if i go 2 days without showering on a weekend when I"m sick.

I was pretty wiped for shower time (a sweet friend had swung over to drop off lunch, even excited chatter makes me so, so tired). I sat on the bottom of the tub, my husband held the shower head, and i did my stuff. Washing my hair was a bit hard, one side is more stiff than the other from the breast implants.

CHanged my pillowcase, even changed into a non-zip top. I cut the crotch out of the Target Assets Spanx and had to get my husband to help me into it (this one being true to size unlike the one i got from my PS). I still put my binder on over it, my stomach feels super weak still.

Sleeping through the night is hard because i'm still elevated, pillows, all that.

I can do a lot, but once I hit a wall i'm completely spent for the rest of the day. Pretty nervous about going back to work on Tuesday.

After a fiasco last night involving the dixie cups to pee, I made my husband go out to pick up styrofoam cups to use as a funnel while peeing in these Assets/SPanx. I also went on Amazon and bought female urinal things, which are portable urinals that I think are meant to be used when camping. I wish they weren't in PINK colors...ugh. Will be a lot harder to hide when i'm at work.

Just had 2 Tylenols today, sore but manageable.

Day 9: Spanx, Driving, and Shopping Lessons Learned

Husband took the kids out of the house, my goal for the weekend is to rest up as much as I can before returning to work and getting more Spanx.

I read online that maybe the Target Assets brand isn't anywhere near as good as the original Spanx, so I went on my own to Nordstrom Rack to pick some up at a discount. Lessons learned:

- if you brave driving, do NOT park somewhere where you'll have to back out. Doing 90 degree turns is one thing, having to rotate the steering wheel a million times KILLED me (and probably irritated other drivers as I took forever to straighten the wheel after backing out). Stick to spots where you can pull forward, and then drive straight out.

- Nordstrom Rack was great because i could lean against a shopping cart (and i didn't look weird being hunched over). I leaned against the counter when I paid, forgetting about my drain hole incision and it hurt like a mofo.

- While Nordstrom Rack does have their Spanx at the same price as Target's Assets, they only had two in my size. If you're a Medium you'll be fine, but as a size Small I was starting to panic because I really didn't want to make a trip to Target.

- I got home and compared Assets and Spanx. Without trying it on, they honestly seem the same minus that Spanx already comes with a hole in the crotch (which I would prefer, because it closes up).

- A big downside: noticed that they both have a big seam in the front. I've been wearing the Assets for 24 hours and have a HUGE indentation along my stomach from the seam, which is a no-no while healing. I was trying to think of what i can do, then remembered that i had bought a box of Band Aid Large Non-Stick Pads, which were perfect: I was able to use 3 of them to line my stomach where the seam is. Since it's not an incision, I figure I can re-use the pads (a box only contains 10 of them).

Pain day 9: i'ts not really about pain unless I do a sudden movement, it's just a dull soreness. I took only 2 Tylenols yesterday, we'll see how many I take today. Without the binder on, I'm more hunched over. Hoping that'll go away by the time I go to work.

Peeing via a styrofoam cup while I wait for the Go Girl has worked out fairly well, minus the damage i'm doing to the environment by tossing those cups each time.

Sleeping still sucks.

I feel really puffy. My stomach is flat, but I'm puffy. I was able to go shopping in a pair of too-big jeans. I know it's normal, but it's still kind of a bummer to experience. Especially when you're hunched over. At this point, because i'm wearing Spanx/Assets, i pretty much look like I did before.

Boobs: so with a tshirt on I thought they'd look the same as my massively padded bras. Never having had boobs in my life, I didn't realize that "real" boobs have SIDE boob. That's what makes me feel like they're massive. With the most padded bra it just shoves UP but you don't get anything that extends past your frame.

What I'm trying to say is...there's a psychological brain f*ck that happens after you spend a small fortune to change your body.

Day 10 Post Op: bra shopping, another shower, SPanx review

Today it was time to look into getting some front-zip bras from Walmart, the bras from the doctor are giving me a serious rash.

Apparently my Walmart only carries 48 EEE in stock. No joke, they don't even SELL size smalls in anything. Zero front-zip options for me in a small or medium.

I did find a Hanes front-closure, wireless, on clearance. I then figured that an over-the-head sports bra would be fine in probably a week or two once i've gotten the go-ahead from my PS. I tried on a bunch of mediums, let me say: I wish I had bought these in my 20s. I feel silly flashing them now that i'm older with kids, but in my 20s these would have ROCKED a tank top in a club. Sigh. Youth is wasted on the young. These are definitely "buy me a free drink" boobs. I would have definitely gotten my money's worth just in free drinks alone.

After buying some groceries and stuff as well, I can say that I"m spent. Putting my arms overhead to try on those sports bras was a Herculean effort. I'm going to write a bit and then take nap #2 for the day. I can't believe i'm going back to work in 2 days, but at least my job is sedentary.

Earlier today I took my first shower on my own. My left side is still super sore, so i don't have full mobility of my left arm, which makes shampooing an ordeal. Then I squeezed myself into my new Spanx. They're so hard to put on as it is, let alone when you have to be extra careful to not stretch your skin (I don't have staples on my stomach, just glue).

I got my Go Girl urinal thing, I risked using it with the SPanx on (instead of testing it in the shower like they recommend...I refuse to ever pee in the shower). It works fine, except when you remove it the gussets in the SPanx crotch go back together asap, causing leftover pee to get on it before you have a chance to wipe. Not ideal. Fine if you're using any other brand, since you have to cut the crotch out completely anyway.

As for spanx, they are a little bit more firm that their Assets brand, but not by much. If you don't have access to a Nordstrom Rack to get them cheap, then just get the Assets at Target. On the plus side, I realized that if you turn them inside-out then the seam isn't an issue with the Target one, but Spanx still have seams on either side. So...Plus for Spanx for having a gusseted crotch thing but the seam needs to be lined with the non-stick pads, Plus for Assets for being able to be inside out with the seam but you need to cut the crotch out.

Got some more pictures. THe scars look worse because of the purple marker they use to mark you up pre-surgery, it's covered up with glue so it's not washing off anytime soon.

Pain: So far just been sticking with the "2 Tylenols in the morning" routine, I can definitely see taking them once in the morning and once in the late afternoon to survive without being cranky.

Pooping: I pooped 3 times yesterday, which sounds amazing if it wasn't just small pellets each time. I'll take the little victories though.

Sleeping: I couldn't handle the reclining position anymore, my back was just in torture. I figure it's all about not laying perfectly flat so the stomach wound doesn't rip open, I've been putting the wedge at my knees and having my knees be at a 90 degree angle. Not super comfortable for me because I have a childhood knee injury, but it's a refreshing change to my back and I"ve been able to sleep for longer stretches at a time.

I really, really appreciate people's comments and questions. It makes me feel a lot less alone in this journey, thanks to everyone :)

Day 11 Post Op: F*CK Spanx...seriously

So now that I've worn Spanx for two days, F*CK THAT SH*T. Get the Assets brand from Target and just cut a hole in the crotch.

I think because SPanx have slightly more compression, they want to shrink back down. Which means the top never stays up and the legs keep rolling up. Really annoying. The whole point of wearing this massive thing is so that my thighs get compression too, so having it roll up constantly defeats the purpose. I never had these problems with the Target Assets one, plus when inside-out I don't have to worry about the seam. Went and got two more from Target today.

Since this is Day 3 of a holiday weekend, my husband was losing steam and needed help with the kids. Just a quick trip to Target (for the Assets), grabbing pizza, then Trader Joe's resulted in a 3-hour nap for me. Tonight i had to help with the evening routine. After this entry i'm going to hop in the shower, wrestle my way into a new pair of Assets, then crash.

I'm starting to freak out about going to work tomorrow. It would be fine if i had older kids, but having two kids under 5 years old is hard enough as it is. I was thinking that worst case, i'll just work from home on Friday so i can rest but that's pointless...my next PS appointment is on Friday at lunch, i pick up the mother's helper after work, and they're all located next to my work anyway. Maybe I'll work from home on Thursday.

So if you don't have two small kids under 5, at this point you'll be totally fine. I only took two Tylenols this morning and was relatively okay for the rest of the day, aside from being incredibly tired. My left boob is still causing me issues but nothing that i can't handle. I'm still walking a bit hunched though.

I'm really starting to get bummed out that my boobs are going to be too big. I should have gone with 275. They always say to go slightly bigger but i would have been fine being too small, as long as they were fuller than what i had before. I'm already imagining the surgery to remove them (which i wouldnt' do until i have to, but still...i know they're swollen...but they can't be swollen by 50%!!)

Concerned over what i'm going to wear to work. I bought a bunch of pants with elastic waistbands but i don't really have any shirts to go with them (and i'm not buying a new wardrobe for just a few weeks of this when i have to fund a new bra collection).

I've discovered that it takes around 2 days for Spanx and a bra to air-dry in this June-Gloom weather we've been getting. So you need at least 3 pairs in rotation I think. Wearing compression garments has already gotten old really quick and it's only been 5 days. I'm so over them. The Go Girl has worked out well though for pee time.

This morning I snoozed while sleeping on my side, my back couldn't handle the way i've been sleeping for 11 days. It was awesome. How i miss side sleeping! Until i woke up in pain because the pressure against my lipo'ed thighs was brutal.

Time to shower!

Day 12 Post Op: back at work and watching kids

Let's divide this up into two reviews:

Part 1: work
This was easy. Even in the frigid temps at work, I was sweating like a pig thanks to the compression garment. No way can you wear this thing two days in a row without washing, and if it takes 2 days to dry, you definitely need at least 3 in rotation.
Walking with a hunch was no big deal, where I work no one notices anyway. Half my coworkers didn't even realize anything was different.

The hardest part of that by far was driving. My left arm and boob is still so stiff and it hurts like a mofo to really crank the steering wheel. I pretty much have to use one arm, which takes forever.

Zero Tylenol needed for my day at work.

Part 2: Watching the kids after work

I first picked up the mother's helper (a coworker's wife), who barely spoke a lick of English. I picked up my kids when all the other mothers were there at daycare, and stupid me had taken off my hoodie since i was sweating like a pig. I think it's safe to say that none of the moms bought my story about having an umbilical hernia considering my boobs were busting out of my top. In the grand scheme, not that it matters, but still...i didn't realize until I got int he car how massive my boobs looked in my tshirt, i would have just owned up to the mommy makeover if i had known that.

Since my mother's helper had a language barrier (every other mother's helper i was looking to hire flaked on me and i couldn't risk another one flaking me one...so non-English for the win), I ended up doing quite a bit myself. I was already sore from driving.

I discovered the worst was during bathtime, mostly because being on my knees really put a number on my lower back. It requires serious ab muscles to support your back, and obviously my abs are useless. So after my son's bath, then my daughter's, my body was ready to collapse.

I also had to drive the mother's helper back home, so that's quite a bit of driving. As soon as I got home I told my husband if I didn't take a shower asap, i wouldn't have the energy to do it.

Was too swollen and tired (my arms) to tank up the faux-Spanx, asked husband for help. Like a neanderthal he hoisted up the back without grace and ended up ripping off one of my steri-strips. Sigh. I yelled at him to just let me do it myself. I also wore an over-the-head sports bra...i can't find any front-zip ones, the one i wore today needs to be washed, yesterday's is still drying, and no way in hell am I wearing one of the ghetto ones from the doctor and making that rash worse (more on the rash in a bit). I figure support-wise it's the same, just the hassle of putting it over my head.

Pain in the boob: so my right side is pretty much fine (limited mobility, but not by much). My right side at this point, I can't raise my arm very high. The pain in my boob can only be described as when you get a clogged milk duct, except all over the entire surface of your brand new MASSIVE boob. It's hard and sore.

Still haven't taken any Tylenol today because I'm too lazy to go downstairs to get the bottle.

So in a nutshell:
Work = fine.
Watching kids over 4 = fine
Watching small kids = no fun
Lots of driving = no fun
Squeezing into Spanx after a shower + full day = no fun

Day 12; bra area rash

Forget to discuss the rash...

Almost from the beginning, i developed a rash along the band from the ghetto hospital bra. I've been tucking in gauze all along the band, not sure if it's making a difference. From what i can tell, this seems normal (will follow-up with the doc on Friday), but for anyone getting the surgery ask if it's okay to put cortizone or something for any chafing rashes so you can buy it in advance.

Day 13: swollen by end of the day

Another day at work, pretty easy. Aside from a coworker teasing me for the palazzo pants I was wearing (plain black from Target), sigh.

Tweaked the post-work routine a bit, i had the mother's helper give my daughter a bath. I also put the binder on asap as soon as I got home to help support my torso.

Took 2 Tylenols before leaving work to help with the pain, it kind of worked.

At this point any real hardcore pain comes when sleeping (because I can't get comfortable) and driving. I keep making the same stupid mistake: sharply moving my left arm wayyyyy back to grab my seatbelt. It feels as if my implant is trying to flip itself over when I do that. It feels REALLY unnatural, whatever is going on with my muscle when I do that. Hurts like a mofo. Then i end up being in pain for another hour in my left boob. So as long as I can remember to not be an idiot,

Before taking a shower I attempted to put on some of my baggier jeans to see if i can fit into them: other than 2 ultra baggy pairs, i couldn't fully zip and button my normal jeans (as in, not the ones that are usually tight). I'm seriously out of baggy stuff to wear to work, tomorrow i'm going to wear track pants that i usually just wear to sleep. I really wish i had kept my maternity clothes.

SO OVER WASHING SPANX AND BRAS EVERY DAY....

I'm also so over the itching. So much itching! I need to look into when that will go away, I can handle pain so much more than I can handle itching.

Day 14 Post Op: more baggy clothes buying

Well after doing some research, it seems it can be up to 6 months before I can squeeze into my jeans again (my jeans were already pretty form-fitting). Mostly because of the lipo.

I'm so very, very lucky I have a casual office job where I can wear whatever I want...today i'm wearing bright red Nike nylon track pants.

I realized I needed more stuff, so I swung by Target before work and got some black exercise pants on clearance ($11 each). I couldn't bring myself to buy a maxi skirt until I saw one on clearance for $6. It's ugly as hell (some weird navajo print) but for $6 for 6 months, i'll make it work.

Unlike jeans, which you can wear 2-3 times before washing, cotton stuff needs to be washed each time. So i need at least 5 bottoms to last me a work week. I have short skirts I can wear, but they're shorter than the Spanx/Assets so that's not an option (and with the bruising, no one wants to see that).

So my tip of the day: in addition to the surgery, expect to spend a good chunk of cash for other stuff. Here's my breakdown:
- $700 for post-op nursing care
- $65 Assets/Spanx
- $70ish on baggier pants/skirts
- $45 wedge pillow
- $40ish on beauty/hygiene-related things like pads, Tylenol, GoGirl, etc
- $200 for a mother's helper this week

I get tired really, really fast. It feels like i had the surgery ages ago and yet, it was only 2 weeks. When I look back at it, that first night was just so damn awful, $700 was worth every penny in the nursing facility.

Sleeping comfortably is still hard. I always end up snoozing in the morning on my side to alleviate the pressure on my back. My vow is in 6 months, I'm going to take a day off work and get a massage for my poor, poor back. I'm assuming that in 6 months it'll be okay to lie on my chest for an hour.

Today (knock on wood) is the first time i didn't wake up with extreme pain in my left boob. Still hurts and i get random tinges that feel like needles are poking in me, but overall much better.

I want to rip the steri-strips off my butt where the lipo tube went in, they're SO crazy itchy. At this point i want to dump a vat of oatmeal in my tub and just soak my itchiness away.

Day 15 Post Op: follow-up appointment with the Plastic Surgeon

Today I had my 2-week follow-up with my plastic surgeon.

Other than him saying that i'm doing incredibly well (because i was able to hold a normal conversation, I guess if you're in pain you can't just be chill and normal), everything looks good, blah blah. Some notes:

- He says the swelling can be 6-9 months after the surgery
- I'll be wearing the spanx for 2-3 months
- I can start sleeping on my side, as long as I'm propped with pillows under my boobs
- I can start moisturizing my skin to help with the skin peeling and removal of glue
- for the rash around my boobs, he said i can use cortizone cream but that i can use regular moisturizer. We also discussed that I can wear other bras, which should help with the problems along the band line
- it's all about avoiding splitting my tummy tuck sutures open when it comes to lifting kids. So when i'm alone with my kids starting Monday, if i have to pick between using my stomach muscles to support my body when holding vs. my arms/chest, use the arms/chest.

It seems pretty clear at this point the boobs are the least of any recovery issues, it's all about making sure you protect the belly.

My boobs are mildly softer than the rock hard state they were in after surgery.

Note to people who are returning to work: opening doors that are secured can really do a number on your chest muscles. We have very heavy security doors all over my building and I honestly look like such a wimp trying to open them now. I've also made the mistake of just yanking the door open and feeling like my pec muscle is about to rip out of my body.

I did a small amount of walking today (had a team lunch so i had to park in a parking structure, then later had to walk across my work campus), it actually did quite a number on my stomach. I felt like i was doing crunches while walking, if that makes any sense. I also walked much slower than I thought I would, partially due to the hunch.

Another mention about how much I hate Spanx. How does Kim Kardashian wear this every day with her ass? I have NO ass (thanks to baby #2 somehow) and it's still impossible to yank up over my body.

i was REALLY pissed to discover that after a full day of swelling, there's no way I can wear yoga pants. The skin bulging out from my thighs thanks to the Spanx makes it look really gnarly. I'm at a total loss of what to wear that won't cost me full price, and seriously maxi skirts are NOT an option when you're short like me and can trip over everything while watching 2 small kids.

Oh and shorts are out too, unless you have really long ones. All of my shorts are pretty short (with short legs = better to wear short shorts and skirts), the Spanx are too long and stick out from under them.

It's going to be a hot summer with Spanx and kids, that's for sure.

Day 16 Post Op: serious pain

Today was my first "real" activity with friends. A friend's daughter's birthday party. I stood around or sat in a chair, i wasn't chasing after my kids or anything. In my opinion, I don't think I was very active.

I had a pain in my side that got progressively worse all day, to the point where I had to leave the party and call my PS. The only way I can describe the pain is that it's like the type of cramp you get under your ribcage if you run too much the first time.

He told me it just meant that i need to rest up. I was scared that I had busted open a stitch from all the allergy sneezing i've done today but he wasn't convinced.

So here I am, vegging out while my poor husband is exhausted and has to try to get my kids dinner, bath, and bed.

In a random note, my husband noted that my thighs do look MUCH smaller.

Day 17 Post Op: The psychology of finally having boobs

Some more random things to note:

I almost feel like someone who has faked having a penis for 37 years who undergoes a sex change surgery. Actually having boobs is SO different than padded bras, for anyone that has ever told you (like i've been told) "oh but you can just wear a padded bra".

I've never had "side boob" before. It's weird. I've also never had boob sweat before, probably one of the few perks of not having breasts at all.

It's also weird to actually FEEL the weight of my boobs when im on my side. I anticipate i'll always wear a bra at night, in fear that they might sag.

The weirdest one of them all: I discovered this weekend that i've been missing half my armpit when shaving. I don't wear my contacts when showering but when you've been shaving for at least 25 years you generally know how to do it with your eyes closed. I didn't realize that the curve of the side boob was causing my armpit to really curve inwards, whereas before if i raised my arm it was perfectly flat in my armpits. I actually had to PULL my skin out in order to shave my armpits yesterday. I suspect that when my boobs lower it'll get easier but for now I can't use the huge ladies' razor which is really wide.

I've also accepted that i need to get rid of my old bras. I want to send them to Brarecycling.com but that requires me to go to the post office to actually send, which i'm most likely too lazy to do these days. I would normally just ditch them through one of the many FB sales groups that i'm on, but i don't want to advertise to any of my not-close friends on FB that i got a boob job. So we'll see, it might just go straight to Goodwill.

Tomorrow is my first day on my own after work with the kids. Did some research, it seems 4-6 weeks is the ideal time frame to wait before picking up kids. I think the hardest will be getting my daugher in her carseat,, so i'll just ask for help this week carrying her by someone in the daycare.

Stomach pain: i was fine (rested up today) until the end of the day when i started to put together my outfits for work, random stuff like that, plus i had to suddenly catch my son when he almost fell backwards off my bed. Needless to say, that stomach cramp is back.

Oh, and it still goes without saying: F*CK spanx. I tried to research some other brands but getting good compression is hard when you're an XS or a small.

I ordered a ton of bras that used small/med/large as sizing off Target.com, they'll arrive tomorrow. I'm excited, because that'll help me with my clothing dilemma. My clothes were really designed for my small chest, a lot of XS, which I don't think I can wear anymore thanks to the boobs (well...not at work anyway).

Day 19 Post Op: bras bras bras

You can't do this surgery without thanking the internet.

The key to survival is finding wireless bras that go in s/m/L/XL sizing (since you don't know exactly what size you'll be when things go down). In my case, Med has worked out well.

Walmart (in-store): found one bra on clearance that was front-closure in a medium. Also got some cheap Hanes sports bras that aren't very comfortable, but that's all they had that wasn't 44EEE.

Target (online): had no luck in store, but online they had a buy one, get one 50% off sale this week with free online shipping. The "Hanes® Women's ComfortFlex Fit® Fuller Coverage Wireless Bra" was a HUGE winner (and $14.99), i highly recommend you order a bunch since you can always return within 90 days. No minimum shipping this week! If you don't care too much about nipples poking through (like i do at work), then the "Hanes® Women's Full Coverage SmoothTec™ Band Unlined Wireless Bra" is soooo soft and soooo comfy. Exactly what you need when you're sore!

Norstrom Rack (in-store): zero luck

Kohl's: i found two bras but i'm going to return them now that my Target order came in. Same bras but double the price! Eff that. Overall though Kohl's did have the best selection of wireless bras, ifyou're willing to spend more.

Still too swollen to wear normal pants, sigh. I have random pants from everywhere, everythingn from dress to yoga pants, all of them I hate.

I can see my waist for the first time in years!

On a bummer note: i'm happy with the scar situation so far with my tummy tuck but I noticed my boob scars are raised (keloids?). Not the end of the world since i don't intend on flashing my underboob to too many people, but I'm not sure why they happened there...i've never had a raised scar in my life. My next doctor's apt is next week, i'll discuss the silicone stuff at that appointment. I never noticed them because the lighting in my room sucks, i saw them today in the changeroom at Kohls.

I feel like it's been MONTHS, i can't believe it's only been 2.5 weeks.

So far watching the kids has been hard, i get tired so easily. Last night i fell asleep at 9pm (hence no update).

I really hope my boobs will go down a bunch in size, because i need bras that are lined that adds even more sizing.

I still walk hunched, although I think that's because i find the Spanx/Assets to be awkward, and if i stand upright i find that the fabric pulls on my tummy tuck scar. From what i read, one of the worst things for scarring is "stretching" the skin.

Psyche: I feel like at this point, massive impatience kicks in. The surgery is over, the worst of recovery is over, but...you can't enjoy any of it. You're swollen, wearing spanx, constantly washing the few spanx/bras you have for this temporary body, it all sucks. At this point, i'm bored of it all. I can't wait to stop washing spanx each night!

Day 20: Still hunched + pics

Just a quick update to say I'm still hunched over, with the spanx it's really hard to be upright because the fabric pulls my skin upwards, which hurts and also has me freaked out about my scars. Even with the spanx off it hurts right in the center of my stomach to be upright.

My scar is starting to look raised, that freaks me out too. My c-section scar was fantastic, just a small thin white line. So i'm going to be putting a sh*t ton of silicone strips on it.

Two pics for today. I realize it looks like i'm wearing the same underwear everyday but i actually just toss on that pair for the sake of the picture.

Going to take Friday off work to relax and rest up. I get so, so tired. I guess the body just needs downtime to focus on fixing everything that got gutted.

Every now and then my boobs get this sharp tingly needle feeling. I assuming all things that feel like sh*t falls under the "totally, totally normal." Unless you're oozing from your eyeballs, it's all normal.

3 Week Post Op

Took the day off today (yet still worked, meh) so that I could squeeze in some naps. I"m not a hippie or anything, but I'm a firm believer that all healing and growth happens when you sleep. Because i love sleep.

I managed to fit into another pair of jeans, however I've been wearing my binder and was resting, so we'll see if after an evening of watching the kids if i'll still be able to put them on. All i want is to wear normal clothes again!

Boobs are still massive. I'm really, really wishing i had done 275 instead of 300. I feel like a porn star.

I still feel pain when i do anything that causes my pecs to contract.

Still hunched.

I called my PS office and asked when i could start using silicone strips, they said once the PS clears me (insert eye roll). Hopefully next week when he sees me he says i'll be able to.

Still get tired really easily. By 9pm, i'm toast.

Still can't walk much without getting cramps in my stomach.

I have this paranoid fear that I popped a stitch and don't even know it. I'm a naturally paranoid person, so having to just chill out and let recovery do it's thing is terrifying to me.

Wishing I had measured my thighs before i did the surgery.

As you can see, I don't do well while in this limbo of recovery...either be smushy like before or be completely flat and recovered. This in-between stage is awful! At least right when you're out of surgery there's a whole lot going on that you can focus on. I can't even bide my time with online shopping since I don't know what size I am. First world problems!

3 Weeks, 2 Days post-op: Let's talk scars

Today I ripped a chunk of glue off off, I couldn't hack seeing the purple ink. The scars are raised, which has me concerned.My c-section scar (well..."scars", same spot cut twice) was so tiny and I never even applied anything to it. So to see raised scars scares the crap out of me. Really hoping I can start scar therapy after Friday's appointment.

I included two photos of under my boobs. One side has a white string hanging out, I don't knowif maybe the thread from the stitches weren't fully snipped off. Need to ask the PS about that on Friday too. The other side has 3 large bumps on the scar (it looks like it's wet, it's not...it's shiny). I'm not too worried about the appearance of the underboob scars but i just want to make sure that everything is healing correctly.

This waiting game will make you go insane.
Will my boobs drop a ton more?
Will they please please drop in size?
Did I just pop a stitch in my stomach?
When will this swelling go down?
Can I burn these Spanx/Assets in 2 months?
When can I start lifting my daughter?
When can I start online shopping for clothes?
When will I stop walking hunched over like Quasimoto?
Did I spell Quasimoto correctly?
Did I do damage when I lifted that heavy item?
Can everyone tell?
Do i have enough baggy pants to last me through this work week?

Note about photos: i realize I've got a horribly-shaved bikini area, it's a little scary to take a razor down near the scar area.

3 weeks, 4 day Post Op: weight

Weighed myself today, I'm 104lbs, which is pretty much what I was pre-surgery. Since I got total 600ccs of boobs put in, 600ccs of fat sucked out, probably maybe at most 1lbs of actual skin sliced off of me. So the overall net is the same.

This morning i just felt my stomach while laying down and thought for the first time in my life "holy sh*t...i'm thin!". It really sucked to be around 105lbs but look like I was bigger/pregnant. Damn...now I kind of get it, the whole "i just want to look on the outside like I feel on the inside". Not that i felt like a "thin girl", but it sucked to always watch what I ate only to still have a huge belly.

My boobs have dropped a bit in size, thankfully. I think others would get upset, but since i'm not used to round blobs on my chest i'm more than fine if they shrank super small.

I still get so, so tired. Yesterday I had to change offices, thankfully my employee did a lot of the work (everyone knows that i'm technically still "disabled" from my faux umbilical hernia surgery). Still, packing, moving light stuff, unpacking, totally destroyed me and I passed out all night. In fact, since my husband is still in charge of getting my daughter in the middle of the night, i've been sleeping straight through for the first time in years.

I just wish i wasn't so exhausted by 9:30pm.

I had a meeting in one of our office across the street and i declined the invite, purely because i did NOT want to walk across the street.

I'm also catching my daughter's flu, which is obviously NOT good. I'm already using up all my body's resources to get better, i can't have anything derail from that. Plus i do NOT want anything that will make me cough (yes, it still hurts big time).

My period started today, that's real fun while wearing Spanx.

3 Weeks, 6 Days Post Op: DOG EARS :(

So I'm really bummed, it's pretty clear that I've got "dog ears", it's like if you take a paper bag and put it inside out. Definitely going to mention it at my Friday appointment, guessing it'll require a touch-up procedure like my belly button. I'm starting to question my plastic surgeon, even though he has flawless review here, on Yelp, and he was referred to me by someone else.

I think my swelling is FINALLY going away. I managed to wear another pair of jeans today (albeit very stretchy ones), hoping that means I can return the $200 worth of non-jeans that I bought.

My boobs are still sore, i think because my kids keep smushing into them.

STILL hate SPanx/Assets. HOnestly, they're SO itchy in the groin area (i shave everything, so having tight spandex-y material against it is torture...but i can't grow it out because it just gets all sweaty and gross when wearing compression garments).

Still going nutty from just waiting through recovery. The skin on my stomach is still very very tender.

1 Month Post Op

I can't believe it's been a month. Feels like a lifetime. Definitely in terms of picking up my daughter (I'll lift her briefly but not actually carrying her in my arms).

Had my 4-week appointment, here's the summary:

- too early to tell if my sides have dog ears because i'm still swollen. He said that he didn't extend the line because he wanted to minimize scarring, worst case he'll revise it when he fixes up the "T scar" from my old belly button. Told me to use paper tap to keep the pressure down on it while it heals.
For anyone that has used paper tape, did you stretch your skin first before applying?

- i have the odd dissolving stitch sticking out, he said if i see them i can cut them (the long one i had he said he probably didn'tnotice against my skin since it's a clear string). I have to put some neosporin on a sore spot under my right boob which hasn't fully healed

- Still have to wear Spanx, he said after 2 months if i go a few hours without it it's not a big deal. He said for now i definitely still need compression on my thighs so i can't skip the spanx and just wear the waist binder

- I'm an idiot, i forgot to grab the silicone sheeting before I left. He said his ideal is to alternate between the gel and the sheeting each day. Bought some silicone gel online, which should arrive by Tuesday. Hoping i can pick up the silicone sheeting on Monday, they use Silagen which is some premium grade stuff (not something you're going to get off AMazon). Unfortunately it's also $100 a pop.

- Of course i was worried about a popped stitch, but he was like "nope, i can still feel the sutures inside" and showed me where i could feel for them. I always thought the hard spot was a popped stitch but thankfully, i'ts the stitches themselves. It almost feels like i have a spine along the center of my stomach.

- Next appointment is at the 2-month mark.

Today I was able to return $140 of clothes from Target that i had bought in fear that i wouldn't be able to fit into jeans again. I still have clothes from Nordstrom, Nordstrom Rack, and Kohls that i need to return.

I'm NOT used to boob sweat. When you've been flat you're whole life, boob sweat is a non-issue. It doesn't help that these bras I"m wearing are nylon/polyester inside, not pure cotton. It'll be nice to buy real bras (not ones that go by S/M/L sizing) when this is over. My boobs have dropped a little in size, the Mediums that i bought are a bit loose.

It's also weird to have to look at the least-padded bras (but not unlined, because i don't need my nipples poking out!). Padding was another non-issue before, now i need to do what i can to NOT make my boobs super noticeable. I'm hoping to fly back home on October, how do I hide these knockers from my parents (well, my mom...my dad's not a creepster who would notice or care). Don't need the judge-y conversation with my mother.

Every now and then I'll move in a way that flexes my pec muscles and I can still feel the implant. It's not so much about feeling the implant as much as I can feel my pecs, it's a VERY weird feeling.

When i have to reverse the car, it's still hard for me to crank the wheel and turn around fully to get a good look at what's behind me.

Yesterday I pushed my hip against a door at work, the kind that has one of those bars across to disengage it. Since i'm short, those bars hit right above my hips (aka, my flanks)...i honestly felt like I lit the side of my body on fire. I was outside of my work building screaming bloody murder at my stupidity, I never notice anything related to the lipo anymore but actual strong pressure against it was SOOOOO painful.

I don't feel like my thighs are any thinner but my husband says he notices a difference.

While I'm slowly able to fit in more and more pairs of jeans, i do still get swollen by the end of the day. Right now I'm just wearing my spanx, my jeans just got ot be too tight.

I still also get SO tired by the end of the day. TOday i was wiped by 2pm, i absolutely had to have a nap.

Not much else to report! I'll take a picture in regular clothes when i'm no wearing some baggy old thing :)

5 Weeks Post Op: still exhausted

Man, 5 weeks ago today was the surgery. Feels like a lifetime ago.

I went and tried the silicone scar gel, however I regret doing that because you can't peel it off and you really don't know if it's still there. I went to my PS and got the crazy expensive Silagen strip, and it says not to apply over the gel because it'll ruin the adhesion. So i figure after 2 days of not using the gel, hopefully that'll be long enough for me to apply the strip after tonight's surgery.

The Silagen strip was $97. Plastic surgeon doesn't eff around.

Yesterday I attempted to put my daughter to sleep for the first time in 5 weeks. Bad move. BAD MOVE. After doing that i was so tired that not only did I pass out at 8:30pm, i actually was in a trance state of sleepwalking when she woke up at 11pm for me walk to my husband, hand him the baby monitor, then crash in my son's bed.

Today I feel like I did a million stomach crunches after being beat up.

Somewhere in the past five weeks my daughter has grown from size 18 month clothes to size 3T clothes so she's huge. It's been heartbreaking not being able to lift her up (28lbs!) and walk around with her.

My stomach still feels like chopped meat. Yesterday I put my finger in my new belly button. That was WEIRD. I mean honestly, weird. Imagine scratching your ear but feeling it in your toe. The sensation was whacky and bizarre.

I am one big science experiment.

While my boobs have shrank a ton, they're much too big for my liking. I'm sure 300ccs is fine for most people, i could have gone with 200ccs and i would have been plenty happy. I honestly feel overweight with them. They create a tent effect, even with fitted clothes. I mean, they're better than what i had before but my goal was to look good with CLOTHES, not so much how good they look when naked. Even my daughter can't get comfortable against my chest when she leans on me (doesn't help that i don't know how to position her).

I honestly can't imagine what life is like for people with prosthetics, i can't even handle new BOOBS, let alone what they go through.

Yesterday I returned around $200 of clothes from Nordstrom and Nordstrom Rack, so that was awesome. I'm glad I went nuts buying clothes just in case, but in the end I only ended up keeping 1-2 pants that i bought for this surgery.

Spanx: much easier to put on/take off when you don't have to worry about ripping stitches open. I think it's also easier because they've stretched out and i'm not as swollen. I wish i could get a size smaller but they don't make them :(

Pre-surgery, i felt like i could never go shopping because everything was form-fitting in the tummy. NOW it seems like the fashion is all this hippie-flowing bullcrap.

Two pictures of me in clothes, you can see from the side view that i'm still a bit puffy. Excuse the perpetually messy room.

5 weeks, 3 days post op: Mutha Effin Pain

You'd think at this point the pain would be fine. It's not.

I think because I don't have the "I just had surgery" card to play so I'm much more physical, which is doing a serious number on my recovery.

The other day I sprinted from a coworker's car to mine to grab something, seriously the distance of 3 cars and all I could feel was where I had lipo in my flanks. It was as if someone speared hot pokers on each side of my hips. I did a short sprint again yesterday, same pain.

My daughter nuzzled against my chest today and it felt like she was shoving needles into my boob.

My stomach STILL feels like it's a layer of skin over liver pate. I find myself holding my stomach, as if i'm worried my intestines are going to bust out.

The only plus side to all this spanx: i'm not wearing underwear with them (i don't need the extra layer in 94 degree weather) so that's a bit less laundry.

My husband was checking me out all weekend, i was like "wtf, are they THAT noticeable? You know they're a bag of gel right?" and he commented that it's just so DIFFERENT compared to before, how nice it looks, and how he genuinely felt so bad for me once I had stopped nursing my daughter because I went down to zero chest.

I can't imagine these things ever feeling natural, because I was always so flat chested my boobs were really light. You can't make silicone feel like feathers.

Sneezing and coughing still suck, i'm a ninja at doing a muffle cough now. Sneezing i've just learned to not plug my nose like i used to, you just have to instinctively brace both arms around your stomach asap.

Originally i was going to recommend to anyone getting a tummy tuck to get paper tape for the edges, to help with the dreaded "dog ears",but that stuff will last you forever plus the silicone scar strip holds the ends down anyway.

Obviously after a few days of the scar strip, I can't tell a difference. I do however like the extra bit of support in terms of keeping my skin smushed shut, I feel less like i'm going to burst open with messy goo when I'm maneuvering in/out of Spanx.

Speaking of, seriously, Assets for the win. Spanx just rides up too much. I think it's because I wear them inside out (the seam against your chopped liver tummy leaves a mark) it causes the thighs to roll up.

Today I had my first real bowel movement sans help from the glycerine suppositories. They're not addictive or anything thankfully. But i just don't have the ab strength to push anything out of me. Today i'm pretty sure I unclogged my digestive track, who knows how long that stuff was in there. Lemme tell you, having a full belly from food, soda, gas, or poop isn't pleasant after this type of surgery.

And finally: yes, still so soooooooooooooooooooo tired once the kids are in bed. I'm barely functioning. I have a major, major thing to work on at work but when thats over in 2 weeks, best believe i'm taking another day off just to sleep.

Thanks again to everyone for the support!!! Love hearing comments and questions :)

6 Weeks Post Op: swollen puffy

So this week I ate more than I typically do, and the results were very much the same as someone who has gastric bypass then overeats. I felt awful, my stomach hurt, it was all bad.

I still psychologically though feel like I've got a big belly sometimes. This week I drank a lot of soda for the first time since the surgery, and I'm used to looking super distended after i have a lot of liquid in my belly. It certainly contributed to my swollen stomach but in my head I felt like i was massive all over again.

Tonight I tried on some dresses that I had bought when Piperlime folded, they were so cheap i took the risk and bought them, in addition to trying on some dresses I haven't worn since having kids. Only one fit me properly; my back broadened after having Baby #1 so even being thinner, my overall physique didn't look right in the dresses. Not the end of the world, it didn't help that my Spanx were bunching up and at the end of the day I'm super puffy. I also didn't have these knockers before i had kids, so that's a factor too.

It's nice to not have to feel uncomfortable in my stomach anymore, to not FEEL the excess skin get caught in things.

I'm wearing the silicone Silagen strip nonstop except when I shower. Tonight I decided to take the weekend off and go with the scar gel instead.

I"ve been lifting my 28lbs daughter much more, not for extended periods of time but I don't feel anymore like my stomach is going to rip apart if I have to quickly carry her up the stairs. Tonight I put her to sleep completely on my own, the first time in 6 weeks. The hard part is that i don't know how to hold her, aside from her growth spurt I'm not used to having boobs when holding kids (unless they're nursing). It's like wearing a prosthetic (well, it kind of is). Plus she got used to the way my husband would let her lean on him, which doesn't work for my smaller frame. I have to figure something out i guess.

I still get really, really tired at the end of the day.

I still get really, really swollen at the end of the day.

I still want to burn Spanx/Assets to the ground.

Pain: small twinges here or there. I saw some girlfriends last night, one had a boob job 8 years ago. We did the boob feel test, it was nice to know that i still have a long way to go for my boobs to soften up, they still feel pretty rock hard.
My stomach doesn't really hurt at all, which is funny since that was the most invasive of all the procedures. I take it back...sneezing and coughing still hurt a ton. Mostly at this point if I feel pain it's from the lipo, especially when i wake up from sleeping on my side.

I think when I hit the 2 month mark and the doctor says it's fine, i'll get professionally fitted (NOT at victoria's secret) to find out my bra size. I'm guessing i'm 32C.

Be warned: if you go with silicone gel instead of silicone sheets, this stuff takes forever to try. 4-5 minutes my ass, no matter how thin i spread it, it still takes half an hour.

Attaching some pictures with some comments about them.

7 Weeks Post Op

7 weeks...i actually FORGOT i had surgery, i had lunch with a friend i haven't seen in months and I only remembered to mention it at the end.

F*CKING Spanx/Assets. Go to hell. I suppose at this point i could skip them when it's hot (like 4th of July!) but I feel like i'm going to ooze apart if I don't.

I appreciate everyone's comments, I don't aim to be funny...i just figure, this 'ish is stressful enough than to deal with some serious medical review.

More mind f*ck stuff: it's hard to feel "thin". Like you're just so used to having the belly that you forget that you've paid a small fortune.

I've been wearing the silicone strip every day, haven't had to wash it yet.

Still get so, so tired at the end of each day. Like right now, where i can barely stay awake to post anything and it's 9:30.

2 Months Post Op: Yup, still "f*ck Spanx" mode

Yes. F*CK Spanx/Assets.

I still wear the SIlagen scar strip nonstop except when I'm showering. I washed the piece that I cut off (for the belly button part) and it didn't make a difference, so I haven't bothered washing the long strip that I have. I'll just buy another one at my next appointment.

The scars under my boobs are SO itchy.

Pain: not really any pain, but I'm not doing anything hardcore. I'm able to lift my 28lbs daughter for longer stretches, but I certainly don't attempt carrying her up/down the stairs at the moment. The main time I notice the pain is when I'm sleeping, I like to sleep all curled up on my side and there's something about my top arm being in front of me (instead of at my side) that puts an incredibly heavy pressure on my chest. I always forget and then wonder why my chest hurts so much.

Still feel like my boobs are too big. My friends are great and are telling me they're proportionate, but they're definitely very "ka-chow!".

PRobably not a big deal for you folks that have always had boobs, but it's weird to have to change how I talk for people that don't know i had the surgery. I was explaining to a coworker about all the padding I had to get in my wedding dress 12 years ago because I have no chest, then realized that it'll be pretty obvious there's a discrepancy in my story.

Today I bought a bikini online. Stupid, stupid thing but it was SO cute and with an online discount, figured it'd be worth it. (It's from Gretchen, the chick on Real Housewives lol). http://wantmylook.com/collections/styled-by-gretchen-rossi/products/robin-lace-bathing-suit-grey?variant=3580037317

I figure my scar will probably show through but eff it, that'll probably happen with all bikinis. I'll just have to find some good cover up. Or really, i don't even care. A scar is better than a belly.

2 Months: pics

Forgot to add pics, i accidentally deleted the side view.

Happy 2 Months Post-Op Anniversary!

Today is officially the 8-week mark. Which is always an easy reminder since i was on my period the week of surgery.

Today I had to wear a button-up shirt, one that i hadn't worn in years because my stomach stretched it out and made it shorter than it should be. It's a little short when i sit, so I opted to not wear my Spanx until i'm done with all my meetings today. Lemme tell you...i can DEFINITELY feel it not wearing the spanx/assets. Right now while sitting, it feels pretty sore/mild pain in my stomach.

It was also weird to button up over my boobs, i have a slight gap between the buttons. I still feel like i went too big, knowing that bras always have some amount of padding anyway.

This week I was able to blow my nose for the first time in 2 months. Seriously, that's how much ab-work it takes.

I can lift my 28lbs daughter for longer stretches, but i never go for too long because I don't want to push it.

I definitely don't feel ready enough for the gym, however I had stopped working out long before the surgery (i gave up on my appearance and just managed my weight by diet). Now i actually CARE about my legs looking toned, etc, so i look good in clothes.

After I eat a big meal or drink a soda, i still have the mentality that i probably look pregnant. I know i don't, but it's so hard to wrap your head around that after surgery. It's not like i slowly exercised it away and got used to the idea of it being gone...one day it was there, one day it wasn't.

I think next week i'll swing over to nordstrom and get officially measured. Screw the Vic Secret people, i know they'll tell me some bizarro number.

Dog ears: the silicone strips keep them pressed down, one side is almost fine but the other side definitely will need to be revised when my t-scar is due for revision.

My stomach is regaining sensation, it still feels tender if i go and poke at it. It's weird that my belly button is a totally different color than the rest of my skin on my stomach now.

9 Week Post Op: Getting Philosophical

First up: F*CK Spanx/Assets. They suck balls.

Secondly: I find myself acting like some sort of plastic surgery counselor for folks. Obviously friends know i had it done, but as I attend various functions and I have strangers tell me "what? you have an 18 month old baby?" i tell them the truth that I just had surgery 2 months ago. One lady was like "whaaat? I would tell people that I did it all myself" and i'm like "nope...i don't want people to think that I earned this or that i'm naturally this way. I paid for all of this!"

The boobs are just too big for me. It is what it is, and everyone tells me they're the absolute perfect size, but mentally I just don't feel comfortable. Unless you already had big boobs at some point, i recommend you err on the side of caution. I was as flat as a child pre-surgery, getting ANY boob was a huge change.

My scar is doing pretty okay, since i'm naturally dark my sides definitely have skin darkening.

I got my bikini that Gretchen Rossi from Real Housewives was wearing (posted the link on July 7th), i wouldn't normally buy a bikini online but it's super cute and I had a coupon code. Since they said she had a size small on, I figured that would work for me. Ummmm yeah there's no way my boobs are bigger than Gretchen's...right? RIGHT?! Because in the attached pics you can see how i'm busting out. My husband LOVES the bikini but i'm like "dude, i can't wear this when at the beach with the kids! This is ridiculous!".

When i move around the waistband drops below my scarline, but nothing that I give a sh*t about. Dermablend for the win if I ever get the courage to wear that thing.

Still wearing the silicone scar strip every day.

Boobs are still fairly hard, my kids will try to snuggle into me and they're still hard and hurt if they press too hard.

My next post-op is in a few days, I want to know if I can start doing things like stomach crunches. I haven't done exercises like that in over 5 years.

9 Weeks PHotos

ARgh, the photos didn't attach to my last post.

TV SHow: Botched

HA! Watching this week's Botched episode, Dr. Dubrow is visiting a patient who is in the same aftercare facility that I was in (Camilla's Cottage)...i'm cracking up right now.

10 Week Post Op: follow-up appointment

On Friday I had my 2-month doctor's appointment.

I told him my boobs still feel super hard but he was like "uh no, that's actually really soft". I guess relative to my small b-cups i had pre-baby, anything big will be firm. I asked about massage, he sighed and said that that's what they're supposed to tell patients but it was pretty clear that science-wise (behind the muscle, blah blah) it really doesn't make much sense to do it. And ther'es no way of knowing if massaging them is what contributes to patients who end up getting softer. Since i'm lazy, I probably won't end up.

Exercise: he told me to still take it easy for at least 3 months. In this case the "no pain no gain" doesn't apply, any pain is your body's way of saying to knock it off.

Lipo: i pointed out that one of my thighs is lumpy, i kind of assumed i'd have to suck it up. He acknowledged that one thigh is perfect and the other has a "missed" lipo spot, he said that since patients are lying down that it can be tricky to get it all. He said we'll look into fixing that up when he revises my T-scar. I appreciate that he's up for fixing the T-scar, lumpy thigh, and dog-ear instead of just being like "time to pay another 10k sucka to fix!".

Which made me realize that I'll probably have to wear compression stockings again when it gets fixed. Dammit.

Spanx/Assets: F*CK THEM. i was so excited to be ready to burn them in a few weeks. He did tell me that i can stop wearing them daily and just see how i feel, they're more for swelling at this point vs. keeping my skin together. I'll probably still keep wearing them unless i'm outside on a crazy hot day, i need all the swelling avoidance i can get.

Took my daughter to a mommy and me swimming lesson and wore an old swimsuit someone gave me, i felt so self-conscious around these other parents. My husband had to reassure me that I wasn't busting out of it. You know what does suck? Attempting to put Spanx/Assets back on in a bathroom stall in a super humid room while you're still kind of wet and screaming at your daughter not to touch the toilet.

Getting plastic surgery opens a Pandora's Box. While waiting for the doctor I noticed how much worse my spider veins have gotten. He doesn't do sclerotherapy so now i'm on the quest to learn more about that. And i definitely need to do something for the tear troughs on my face.

Scars under boobs = itchy.

Week 10 Post-Op: pre-op photos

Ugh, I got my pre-op photos. The one of my behind is AWFUL. How does having a baby ruin your ass? I had a fairly big upright butt before and now it's just lumpy hell. SO glad I got lipo of the thighs, although I think he could have taken out quadruple the amount that he did.

Spanx can suck a goat. Mine are starting to shred from the constant wear and tear.

Still wishing i had gone down a bit on the boob size. I tried on one of my favorite strapless dresses, I always had to wear a massive padded bra with it. My boobs now are slightly too big to fit in them...I think whatever boob size (probably 275ccs) would have been perfect.

Stomach is still partially numb and still hurts when I cough or sneeze. Well sneeze, since I've mastered the art of never, ever coughing.

I feel a lot like I had gastric bypass. I used to eat so much before because i had no inner corset to keep my stomach in...i was like an ethiopian child after eating. Now I get fuller faster but my brain doesn't know when to stop, so I tend to overeat and then feel super gross and uncomfortable. I'm actually excited for when I can really start exercising, I used to be such a gym rat before having kids.

I've only been using the silicone gel because my PS' office was out of the Silagen strips when i went in last week. Kind of annoying that they only just ordered more yesterday when I called about it (minus 1 for that...the minute you're down to your last box is when the order should be placed). Next time I'll definitely buy 2 boxes. I feel like the silicone gel is kind of worthless.

Boobs still aren't full healed, if i open a heavy door with one arm it hurts (mild pain, when i say "hurt" i should say "noticeable discomfort").

Bra shopping! Woohoo! Oh wait...nope, haven't had a chance to do that yet. I have no idea what to do with my old bras. I want to sell them, if anything to fund the new bras. I can't wear underwire for a while anyway (no idea the length of time, but i'm not sure i WANT to wear underwire) so i'm not going to buy a ton.

I feel kind of sad for women as a whole. While it's awesome to have children and all that, it's honestly like we have to morph into huge balloons that destroy every part of us in a relatively short amount of time. There is NO excuse for a guy to not look great at 40. If i didn't have kids and i could have kept up my exercise routine, gotten a ton of sleep, not breastfed, not gained/lost weight, not had my hips enlarge, not lost my ass, not stretched my skin, not jacked my internal organs, I would look f*cking phenomenal at my age.

It's like we've all been hit by trucks and are expected to look like we didn't. And i don't know how much of that is "Society" (i'm imagining the Hunger Games overlords looking down) vs. how much of it is just me, because I was small and fit before kids but had no idea how great i looked until it all went away. And so now i'm clinging to what i used to look like, as if it might be possible to ever get back.

Wahh wahh, first world problems.

I'm learning you need to put antiperspirant between your boobs when it's hot. And that i need to figure out where to put cross-body bag straps.

Babbling is fun when it's Friday and you're tired :)

11 Weeks Post Op: middle finger to Spanx/Assets

THAT'S IT
I'm DONE!

Okay not fully done. Sort of done.

Now that I'm approaching my period week, I'm only going to wear Spanx at night. It's a thousand effing degrees and I'm SO OVER it. Do you know what it's like to go crotchless for 3 months?! Okay yeah, i could have worn underwear over it, but then I'd look like a poofball and it's already hot enough as it is. No need to add a heater when wearing a snowsuit.

My PS finally got their Silagen silicone scar strips in, i'm definitely going to order 2 boxes so that I don't go almost a month without having one again. Dude needs to up his inventory management game.

So getting this surgery didn't change my life in ways that I thought. If i were in my 20s, sans kids, I would be dressing WAY sexier. Now that I'm older with kids, I feel a bit silly wearing some stuff that I would have in the past (yeah flat stomach and boobs don't make up for cellulite...when the kids get older, hopefully i'll have time for the gym again).

How it DID change my life: things are just...easier. If i'm buying something online, i don't need to worry about my gut anymore. When i dress in the morning for work, I don't need to worry about whether i can button a cardigan over my stomach. When i'm in the car, my excess skin doesn't get pinched. When I glance in the mirror, my brain doesn't automatically think "oh yeah, you forgot...you look like sh*t".

It's pretty nice.

I have a suitcase full of clothes that i put away after baby #2, because none of it fit anymore. I'm curious to see what i put away, like my cute pink ballerina wrap sweater.

I've become my own ambassador for plastic surgery. Anytime i tell people about the surgery, people tend to go into all the things they wish they could. But instead of being all "oh no you look great!", i go into a "dude, do whatever you gotta do to feel better about yourself! Don't wait until you're old!".

Preach!

3 Months Post Op: Scars and Compression

So...

I kinda miss Spanx.

This week I stopped wearing compression garments because its my period and it's hot as f*ck out. I definitely notice it by the end of the day.

THe compression garments had also kept the silicone scar strips on me. My skin around the incision is crazy dry, I can't moisturize since that goes against the Silicone Scar Lords' rules. So now without the compression garments, the scar strip isn't adhering as well. Not ideal when they cost $100 a pop.

Attaching some pics of the scars. The ones under my boobs are pretty bad, but I don't really care since they look like shadows and I generally don't flash my underboob to people. Won't show up in a bikini.

The stomach one: the sides look good up until the dog ears, but the part near the center looks red and unhappy. Scar strip, do your magic.

I do want to note with expectations: don't expect to look like your 20-year-old self but with a big scar. I still have stretch marks. My skin is still saggy. I mean, i look BETTER...but I had this notion in my head that I'd look like i did years ago but with a scar. Man...i want to punch my 20-year-old-self for being blissfully ignorant about stretch marks and the toll gravity + babies would take on my ass.

Went bra shopping, I just went to Target since i already know the brands. I estimated that I'm probably a 32C. YOu know what you can't buy at Target? 32-anything. Not near me anyway. I found a few 34Cs that worked, I might as well have attempted a trip to Mordor weeding through the maze of lingerie.

Post Ops: What to do with bras?

F*CK spanx...but dammit, they keep my silicone scar strip on. We're entering a heat wave so that'll be fun times with spanx.

Trying to figure out how to sell my old bras. I just want to get rid of them in one go. 44 bras and 6 sports bras...total of 50. I had more sports bras but I realized I can still squeeze a size small sports bra on, so i'll keep those.

Not much to report. Still healing, my boobs still feel too big, kind of feel in limbo until i can have the surgery for the inverted-T scar and the dog ears.
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