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POSTED UNDER Rhinoplasty REVIEWS

Rhinoplasty/Septoplasty/Turbinate Reduction & Alar Rim Reconstruction - 4mos post-op

ORIGINAL POST

I'm 52 now, but I clearly remember being a...

gift2myself
WORTH IT$10,000

I'm 52 now, but I clearly remember being a teenager and hating my nose. It was uglier than everyone else's in my family, because I somehow had not only a long nose, but it also had a big bump, a droopy tip, and huge nostrils. I was even called "Mr. Ed" on occasion. (A talking horse on TV... for those of you too young to remember him!) So as soon as I had my first job with a steady income, the first thing I did was schedule a rhinoplasty.

But I was young, and this was 1985. Nobody I knew had a nose job. I never heard anyone even mention the word rhinoplasty, but I knew it existed. So on my own, I saved money and found a doctor. It ended up being a waste! First, because my family was very conservative and they de-emphasized physical attraction, and because I somehow thought vanity was a sin... I was too nervous to make big changes. I only requested that the bump be shaved, and that the bulbous tip be decreased in size.

I guess because no bones were going to be broken, the doctor used local anesthesia. I remember it vividly because I was in so much pain. Two nurses had to hold my shoulders and arms down because I couldn't stop writhing. I hated hearing the grating of the bone, and can still visualize it even today. During the surgery, I could hear the doctor giving instructions to someone... as it turned out, he didn't even perform the surgery, he was apparently a teaching surgeon! When it was all over, even with the bump and tip decreased, I still had a BIG nose.

Anyway, the story continues... I married, had a child, built a career, and divorced. I never thought about my nose during that time. So when I divorced and went back out into the world, I was shocked that when I tried to catch a man's eye, he would quickly look away. I felt invisible. Even now, I know that might be partly to do with my age, but something happened this past summer to bring all those "low self-esteem because of the nose" issues back to the stage.

I had to take 8 flights in a four-week period. I was traveling alone. I dressed casually, but with style, hair done, a little make-up, etc. All the flights were full, but in all cases, I was one of the first to board the planes. On all 8 flights, the seat next to me was empty. And stayed empty. Passenger after passenger would glance at me and keep on walking. If was one one or two flights, I wouldn't give it a second thought. But by the 3rd flight, it crossed my mind that there might be a reason for it. By the 8th flight, I was convinced. And a little depressed.

When the flights were over, I took pictures of my face from all angles, to see if I could see what all those strangers saw. I had avoided the camera my whole life, and even avoided mirrors to a degree, so let me tell you, I was shocked. I felt like I was looking at someone I didn't know. Someone I too, had avoided looking at. Two or three days later, when I went to try on new eyeglasses, the owner of the store (trying to make a sale, mind you) told me I looked like a Hapsburg. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I didn't know what she was talking about. I went home, googled it, and found it they were a royal European family that inter-married and were therefore deformed. Where? The nose, chin, and forehead.

I couldn't get those scenarios out of my mind, and then a whole host of memories from my teens and early twenties surfaced... things I hadn't thought about in 30 years. Things I had just buried. Like being told I looked manly. Being told I looked better without makeup, because makeup made me look like a drag queen.

Truthfully, in other aspects of my life I'm quite confident. Other people's perceptions generally don't bother me very much. And no matter what anyone said, I am mostly content with my looks. They reflect my heritage, and I'm fine with that. The only problem now is that I can't look in the mirror without seeing my nostrils. They are as large as my pupils from the side, and from the side I look angry, even when I'm not at all. That's what I think the strangers on the plane saw. Someone who looked unhappy. I don't blame them for not wanting to sit next to me. I would pass me by, too!

So I began the research on rhinoplasty in earnest, and ended up choosing Dr. Grigoryants in Glendale, CA. I like him, and I like his work. I was pretty well-versed in what I wanted in a nose job, so my consultation went smoothly, in that he and I agreed on the areas of improvement. Namely, the columella needs to be raised, the alar rims reduced (a graft from the ear will be needed for my right nostril), the dorsal hump removed, the bridge narrowed, and the tip refined. Oh! And my deviated septum will be corrected as well. (Virtually no air passes through the right nostril.)

I absolutely can't wait for the big day. I think subconsciously, the feeling of being ugly and not worth approaching by most men is a deep and painful psycho-emotional wound. I feel confident in Dr. Grigoryants ability, and am not nervous about the surgery at all. On the other hand, I don't know what life will be like for me as a single woman in my 50's with a feminine nose. For this reason, I have been doing a lot of soul-searching so that my expectations are as realistic as possible:

Ultimately, I am doing this for myself. I'm a woman, and I want to look like one. I feel feminine on the inside, and want to look it on the outside. I don't feel like this surgery will bring about a new me, so much as it will reveal the real me. This nose feels more and more like a mask every day, and I can't wait to take it off.

gift2myself's provider

Vladimir Grigoryants, MD

Vladimir Grigoryants, MD

Board Certified Plastic Surgeon

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Replies (29)

October 3, 2012
Congrats on making the decision! I just had mine done almost one week ago..Im home recovering. I too felt I had a man's nose, or a witch nose or like some family told me a bird's nose like a beak =( I had low self esteem through out my life although I have always been confident in other ways then my facial appearance. I guess I focused on moving forward with life and tried to accept my ugly nose. It was hard to deal with..my mother and father were a beautiful couple. And my sisters are all beautiful having taken after our mom! I was the ugly sister =( My mother's friends would tell me you dont look like your mom..in other words she is so pretty and you arent! Anyhow I did it. I made the change for ME! I cant wait to see my results! Good luck to you! =)
October 4, 2012
How is your recovery going? Do you have pics posted?
October 3, 2012
Wow, I loved reading your story - it's so well-written! I'm sorry people have said such terrible things to you, I don't understand what they are talking about! I have to say I honestly don't agree with any part of you being deformed or anything REMOTELY like that. You are very attractive, and your nose looks fine to me...it's patrician. But it can be hard for me sometimes to understand why people with noses unlike mine want to have them done, because I've always hated my particular nose but am generally okay with others'. I totally know what you mean about getting this done for you, and to look more feminine. Also, I am considering Dr. Grigoryants as well and hope to have my surgery around the same time as you (wish I could say I wasn't nervous though)! Best wishes for your surgery!
October 4, 2012
Thanks! Maybe we'll see in other in Dr. G's waiting room!
October 4, 2012
I loved reading your story too, every last line! I'm sending you the best as you count down the weeks until the big day and I'm sure you'll love the results and close the book on the past. Thank you for this incredibly vulnerable and powerful story, I'll definitely be following it! Also I quite love the first picture and the world seriously needs to see more 50y/o women who look as stunning and posh as you, I couldn't believe it when I read your age!
October 4, 2012
Thank you so much! I think vulnerable is a good word for how I feel - I never thought of it. Gosh, how many vulnerable people there must be in the world... sigh...
October 4, 2012
you are such a good storyteller! lol! I forgot all about your nose and was just engrossed in your tale
October 4, 2012
You are sweet, thank you. I guess writing from the heart is compelling 'cause the heart knows the story so well...
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October 4, 2012
Your story is probably one of the best I've read on this site. It is so honest and real. I don't think your nose or face looks deformed in any way. I hope that you get the rhinoplasty that you want... the one that you deserved in 1985.
October 4, 2012
Thank you! I can only think that the lady in the eyeglass shop really didn't know what she was talking about... Surely she usually has better sales skills than that, right?
UPDATED FROM gift2myself
2 months pre

Sorry, I keep going back and forth on whether or...

gift2myself
Sorry, I keep going back and forth on whether or not to post photos... I think it's really helpful to others going through the same thing, but the lack of privacy sort of creeps me out!

Replies (6)

October 15, 2012
haha ... another use for the chopstick ! ... when I first introduced my anglo daughter in law to chopsticks, I told her about the different uses of the trusty chopstick ... I will add yours to the repertoire ... :)
October 18, 2012
I think the photos are so helpful to others; I get a lot of inspiration seeing them. I do understand the privacy issue and think I will repost my pics with the eyes blocked out too. Eyes are such an important part of our face though and blocking then out lessens the impact of the photo.....tricky!
November 8, 2012
That first rhinoplasty sounds horrific , :( good job times have changed and it will be a lot easier this time round , I totally get what u say about the little comments people say there always the ones I Remeber about my nose and make me want to get it more when I think about it , good look for ur surgery everything will be fine :) xx
November 14, 2012
I absolutely love reading your page - so sorry to hear about that first rhinoplasty, but times have definitely changed and surgeons are more skilled than ever (fingers crossed this surgeon doesn't let one of his students operate on you). Cheers to correcting the septum as well and getting a chance to breathe better too!
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November 17, 2012
Thank you for sharing your story! I also love your page and please consider me a new friend. If I can be of any assistance please do not hesitate to ask :) XOXO
UPDATED FROM gift2myself
14 days pre

Time has been passing so slowly in anticipation...

gift2myself
Time has been passing so slowly in anticipation for this surgery! But FINALLY, the months have passed and my surgery is 2 weeks from today! Went to my pre-op appointment today - the worst part was paying for the surgery - ugh! But we only have one life, and don't like to have regrets, so now is not the time to worry about the money! There was one patient before me with her cast on. She was there to have it removed. I saw her leave, and her nose looked so nice, which was encouraging.

Then it was my turn to talk to the doctor. I had my computer with me, and I showed him a file I had been working on of pictures of me, along with some pictures of Princess Mary of Denmark, whose nose I love! I am having a revision rhinoplasty, and I know all our noses and faces are unique, so I'm not expecting the PS to give me her nose, but there are features of her nose that I like, and I wanted to show him those. I also had a list of concerns for my nose which I brought with me... 13 concerns to be exact! But the doctor patiently listened to and commented/discussed each one. The plan is for the nose to be de-projected and shortened; the columella will be pulled up; the nostrils lowered as much as possible, the deviated septum corrected; the hump removed, and the sides of the noses evened out. I asked him about my deep-set eyes, and he said yes, they will appear less sunken once the bridge is decreased in size. He also said my nose will look much more feminine and cute, which is what I want. He said that my chin also appears very large because my upper lip is short. Now I know that "upper lip" means the length of the space between the upper lip and the base of the nose. But he said that the tip work will result in a longer upper lip, which will make my chin appear more in proportion. LOVED that !! Finally, I have what's apparently called an "inverted V", where part of my nose has collapsed as a result of my first nose job. I know he'll fix it, but I can't remember now exactly how...

I feel calm now after meeting with the surgeon again. I'm really prickly about people and environments, and I have to say this doctor made me feel so comfortable. Talking to him is like talking to an older brother that you admire for his expertise. He's friendly, has good eye contact, body language, etc. He seemed intuitive to my goals (but everything was discussed explicitly) and artistic in his explanations of what he would do and why.

I don't feel excited yet, probably cause I still need to have my EKG and blood work, and I still have 8 more work days before the big day. Plus I won't be able to have any alcohol for 10 days before the operation, which is a bit of a drag, as I love to have a glass of wine in the evenings. So for now, it's life as usual 'till the big day!

Replies (0)