57 No Children, Don't Want to Look Like a Post-menopausal Boy Any Longer - Garden City, NY

Last night I was reading my email on my iPad and received an email from the doctor's office saying they have to reschedule my 6/17/16 surgery date because the doctor was going to be away. It really bummed me out and I was upset. The next day I called his office and everything actually worked out for the better. The surgery was bumped up to May 11, 2016, just enough time to heal enough to go on my vacation on May 28 to Florida! I am sooooooo excited. It was too much of a waiting game until June. Then I immediately got on the phone to my GP to schedule the medical clearance date. I'm still watching all kinds of YouTube about women and their BA's. I told my husband he has to be around after the surgery and take care of me. I hope everything is smooth sailing from this point on.

It's hard typing on my iPad, and since my husband monopolizes the Mac, I had to wait for him to go out so I could use the computer and do my update. Anyhow, just like my title says above, I'm obsessed! Obsessed with breasts! It's all I think about, every moment of the day. Even while I'm concentrating at work, the thoughts of breasts are hanging around in the back of my mind, waiting to lunge out. When I have time on my pad, I'm doing research, reading about other women's experiences, going on YouTube for chronicles, learning about sizing and cc's, etc. I can't help myself. I'm so excited and anxiety ridden all at the same time. I am excited at finally get a pair of boobs at 57, and I have anxiety that my doctor won't give me what I want. I'm sure he's great, I just can't help it. I want big, full breasts, but not side-show big. I want cleavage! I want to feel like a shapely woman (who just happens to be in good physical shape - not to brag). I think a lot of it is because I never had children (not that I didn't want them, I just didn't - circumstances). This is my hoorah. I really hope I get what I want.

Now I know a WHOLE LOT MORE than my first consult with the doctor. I know what I'm aiming for, I just have to discuss it with him even further at my post-op next Monday. After looking at other woman with my height, weight, frame, I know I'd really like the 350 cc's Mentor Moderate Plus silicone. That's what I want!!!! I'll have to see what Dr. Deane says. He may even surprise me and tell me I could maybe go up to 375-400, we'll see. He did mention that smaller women tend to look better with the bigger boobies than tall, thin women. So here I am dreaming of my boobies. Don't get me wrong, as much as I can't wait for that day to come, I never want to rush my life away. I've learned not to do that now that I'm older. Every day is a gift, not to be taken lightly. But seriously, I'm very excited looking forward to that day! I'll touch base with all of you again after my pre-operative appointment with Dr. Deane. Oh, and that will be a big day for my bank account too, as I'm paying my balance in full! No turning back after that!!!!!!

I'd appreciate some positive feedback, if possible. I'm 5' 2" tall and weight 124-126 lbs. (126 lbs. if I eat like a man).

So I went for my pre-op yesterday. Picked up all these vitamins I have to take two weeks before (starting today) and for two weeks after. It's supposed to aid in healing. It's a lot of pills. There's 3 in the morning, and 3 at night. Then 3 days before I take an additional 3 pills every day until 3 days after surgery. I then went in to see what I call the surgical coordinator to pay in full. I expressed some concern about the doctor not giving me what I want as far as size goes (because like I said, he's known for his conservatism) and she gave me an out. She offered to let me talk to doctor before paying. I went into a mini psychological panic, I want to keep my surgical date. I've waited long enough. I don't want to start shopping around again for a surgeon who will guarantee me the cc's I want. So out came the credit card and off to the exam room to meet with Dr. Deane. My God, if nothing else, he's super duper nice and mild mannered. He exudes professionalism and knowledge of his craft. I just wish he would guarantee me big boobs. His answer to me was he promised he would give me the biggest my frame could handle SAFELY. It could be 245 cc or 350 cc. It could be moderate or high profile. The only thing I knew for sure was that I was getting silicone, under muscle with incisions in under folds of breast.

He examined me again and took some photos with a really nice professional looking digital camera. Then Penny came in with a lap top with more forms for me to sign. I then saw Dr. Deane again and looked at the Vectra with him. He showed me what I'd look like with 350 moderate plus, and I loved it. He then went to 263 and asked if I saw a difference (personally I think he's stuck on the 200's). I thought it was a trick question. I did like the 350 better, but he said it went beyond my folds. I asked if if he could correct that just by sliding implant up higher or use higher profile. I kind of got dismissed because he reiterated, once again, that he'll give me the biggest implant my body could tolerate. I kept thinking of that one and only bad review I found on the Internet about him from some woman who said "he's a horrible doctor, he doesn't give you what you want. He just wants to make himself look good." But you know what? There will always be someone who complains. All other reviews I found on him were stellar.

Sorry for rambling. Just wanted to purge what's on my mind.

I left with my script for blood work, etc. for medical clearance. Today I went for my chest x-ray on way home from work, and my appointment with my primary care physician is Saturday. After that it should be all green lights. I'm praying for happy results. I am excited and nervous at the same time. I'll keep you all posted, and thanks for being here.

Yesterday I went for my medical clearance at my GP's office. I already had x-ray during week, which he said came back normal. EKG done and normal. Took urine, which went out to a lab, and the worst part was blood. It's always been a horror show when I give blood. I have really small veins and the office is always sooooo cold, that it's hard to get blood out of me. They always had to use a pediatric needle on me. The technician tried and tried. I felt like a pin cushion. I finally told him to stop and get Dr. Katz. I love Dr. Katz, he's been my doctor a long time. He came right in and bam got my blood. He could always get my blood. I bet he could find my vein with his eyes closed. He's the man!

I ordered zip up sports bras on Amazon, just two in case they don't fit and I have to send them back. Amazon is good that way. I also ordered a pair of pull up comfy lounge pants so I don't have to struggle with a zipper when I need to go to the bathroom.

So now I'm all done and the rest is just a waiting game for 10 more days. In the meantime, I keep obsessing about my PS giving me the big boobs I want. I think he wants a nice outcome, and so do I. But I want big boobs. I want them to be NOTICED! My PS wants pretty, but "pretty" is a relative term. What I think are pretty and what he thinks are pretty is a matter of two different opinions. I feel I'm the customer/patient and I should get what I want, if possible. I really want 350cc Mentor moderate plus silicone. I think that is a reasonable size, even for my small frame. Another plastic surgeon in Q&A even said it was, said even a young girl with no kids, small breast width or much skin could get 350 cc. And I'm no pre-teen or 20 something either. I'm north of 50 and want to enjoy whatever years I have left with the size boobs that I want. I'm sure you girls get that. Anyway, I have to trust my PS will do whatever he can to make that happen for me. I will keep you all posted and provide photos. I'm going to pray on this because it's messing with my serenity. I'm going to have to let this all go now and concentrate on what's in front of me. Oh, who am I kidding? I'll obsess about it until I get knocked out. Thanks for being here ladies. Love you all for your sharing your experiences.

I'm very excited about my upcoming surgery. I'm ready to start my next chapter in life as, what I hope to be, a full-bosomed woman. I hope that is a realistic expectation to put on my PS. My husband keeps making comments too that I shouldn't even bother with the surgery if I'm not going to be much bigger than I am now. I tend to agree. After all, isn't that the whole point?! If it isn't the point for other women, it certainly is the point for me.

The sports bras I ordered from Amazon came. They are zip front and really tight underneath my breasts. It's also difficult zipping them up, and they look awful. I don't know how anyone could cram their breasts in one of these things. I may have to return them. I'll see what I'm dealing with first after the surgery before I do return them. My girlfriend said they're supposed to fit like a vice grip, and they do. Since I am small to begin with, the bra just makes me look flatter than I am. I'm attaching a photo of me wearing one the way I look today, along with a boob wish picture.

This wish pic is a woman who is 5' 2" tall, weighs 110 lbs., no kids, and was an AA cup. 450 cc's.

I can't help being concerned over getting too small of an implant. This doctor won't tell me anything about size. I won't believe it if he tells me 350 ccs won't fit, not after all the research I have done. And I wont believe it's unsafe either. What I want is reasonable and will create large boobs, but not porn star boobs. I really want that 350 cc and I'm going to stress that on day of my surgery. I'm attaching a picture of a blurb I found on Shop Doc. I hope this doctor doesn't just give me what he wants and considers what I want. I'm the one who has to be pleased. My body, my boobs, my purchase. I hope I can keep myself from stressing over this the next few days.

today I went to work. During my lunch hour I received a call from the anesthesiologist, Christina. She asked me about my medical background for Wednesday morning's surgery. She was very nice and informative. We chatted awhile about all my concerns during my breast augmentation, especially the topic regarding the doctor respecting what my desires are in terms of size and how I want to look. She really calmed my nerves, telling me that absolutely Dr. Deane will respect my choice on size. I'm really psyched now. I told her what I really wanted, about me getting these later in life than most, and how important it was for me to be voluptuous (so to speak). She said that all the nurses and anesthesiologist (her) will be my advocates when the doctor puts in the sizers while on the table. Told her that made me very happy, since I will be unconscious. I really want 350 cc moderate plus. I see lots of women in here, super skinny and short getting what I want, and some even that tiny in size getting in 400-450 cc range. I know I keep rambling on about the same thing over and over again, but I can't help it, I really want that 350 cc moderate plus!!! I'm going to work tomorrow (Tuesday), and on my way home I'm stopping at an Italian market and pick up food that is already prepared and just has to be heated up. I have to do that, since my husband does not know how to cook at all. I'll pick up some eggplant parmigiana, some pasta, Broccoli Rabe, meatballs, macaroni and cheese, chicken, and BBQ ribs. I hope in two weeks of not being able to work out and eating stuff like I just mentioned, I don't turn into a soft and squishy cow. Going to sign off for now, I'll check back either tomorrow night or day of surgery. Thank you all for being here. And please send me some positive vibes.

I'm lying in bed now and it's 6:23 am. I'll hop in the shower at 7:0, blow dry my hair, then off for my surgery. I didn't sleep well last night, so I'm pretty tired. I feel like I've been out all night drinking (remember those days?). I never focus on eating, but the little sleep I did get, I kept dreaming about eating before midnight. I made sure I had a bowel of Special K cereal with strawberries at 9:00 pm last night too (yes, I had dinner a couple hours before that too). Just my obsessive brain in overdrive. I'll check back later and let you all know how everything turns out. I hope my PS doesn't disappoint me.

Everything went well today. The day started out stressful at first, because my husband was trying to throw too many things in the mix other than just driving me to Dr. Deane’s office. He wanted me to follow him in the car to a motorcycle mechanic who works out of his garage in Uniondale. I emphatically told him “NO”, that there was enough going on for the day. It’s a good thing I did say no, since there was an accident on the Meadowbrook Parkway and I literally got there at exactly 8:15 a.m. because of the traffic (they wanted me there between 8:00 a.m. and 8:15 a.m.). Once there, I didn’t have to wait too long. They have a very well-run organization at Dr. Deane’s office. The surgical nurse came out to the lobby and collected me, handing me a plastic see-through bag filled with a gown, slippers, disposable underwear (which were totally ridiculous and didn’t even fit), and a hair cap. No way did I want to wear those disposable underwear. I asked to wear my own underwear, and they let me because they were all cotton. That one little request being filled really meant a lot to me and made me so much more comfortable. Their disposable underwear looked like a poorly made diaper with strings on the sides. My underwear was Victoria’s Secret pink polka dot cotton bikini.

My vitals were taken, and I peed into a cup for a pregnancy test. I’m 57 years old and hadn’t had my period since 2009. If I were pregnant, it would have been another immaculate conception (Jesus was the first)!

Dr. Deane came in and had a talk with me, apparently to alleviate the concerns I had mentioned to Christina (anesthesiologist) over the telephone on the day prior. Dr. Deane spent a great deal of time and patience speaking to me. He reiterated (in an awesome comforting way) that we (meaning me or him) cannot go into operating room with any expectations. We can go into the operating room with desires regarding size, but not expectations. He emphatically promised that he will put in the largest implant my body can hold safely (up to 350 ccs). He’s said this before, but this time he had more of my attention, and I really trust him completely. He went on to explain that I just don’t have a lot of breast tissue, and I have tight skin (because no kids) and a small chest wall diameter. What helped me too was the fact that the last few days I didn’t just read about all the happy women on Realself, but the ones who said it wasn’t worth it too. Some of the “Not Worth It” women actually thought their implant was too large and didn’t look good, and had them revised. Some women had to have them revised because of double bubble, bottoming out or capsular contracture. So after reading all that, I felt more confident that I had picked the right surgeon. I even told him I feel God led me to him as my surgeon (I’m not a religious, bible thumping fanatic, but I strongly believe in God and Divine intervention).

After our chat, it was off to the operating room. Christina (the anesthesiologist) an IV in my arm with a “happy cocktail” and out I went. It seems like only five minutes lapsed when I woke up in recovery room, but it was 2-1/2 hours (???? I think). I didn’t feel all twisted, tight or in pain. Not really. A tad bit uncomfortable, and overly cautious. It really just felt like a bruise or that I worked out my pecs at the gym.

I looked down at my chest, but really couldn’t tell too much, except to say that to me, it looked like I was the same. I wasn’t the same though, with the tee shirt I came in with, it actually looked like I had a good padded bra on, but I wasn’t wearing a bra.

I know the swelling will go down, and the implant will relax into the muscle as it heals, and one of two things may happen; they won’t look smaller, just shaped prettier; or they will look full but smaller. All in all, I’m still happy. They are still a 100% improvement from what I started with, and my breasts are pretty.

For now, I will let the dust settle and test drive my new girls for awhile. If I want to go bigger, I’ll do so in January, 2017. But I do know that I definitely DON’T want porn star boobs or circus boobs (how I refer to an overly abundant woman way too big for her frame). To each his own and God bless all women out there who want to do a BA for themselves, even if they do decide on the big guns. Love you ladies. Thanks for being here for me .

Oh, I don’t want to forget - Thank you Dr. Deane for a job well done!! You da man.

I will still keep you all posted as to the healing and the achanges my girls go through.

Everything good so far. Not really too much pain. Mostly sore under breast where incisions are. Eating good. Getting in and out of bed and up and down from chair is a little difficult. I've been relying more on my leg and abdominal muscles to compensate for pecs. I had my first preop appointment with Dr. Deane today. He said everything looks good and I can stop taking the anabiotic's tomorrow. I try to discuss revision surgery to go bigger, but he didn't really want to talk to me about that now. He suggested I wait and see how things go with these first. I think he's right, because I just may well like the way they are and not want to go bigger. We'll see. They look pretty good now naked, but I would like to look a little fuller clothed. If I do get a revision surgery later it will be for that reason. I am posting a couple new pictures from today.

Well, last night was a turning point for me. I tried on a dress I wore over the holidays, and I still look the same as pre-augmentation, except without a bra! I look good naked, but I'm not going to be walking around naked. I want to look fuller and bigger in clothing, and I don't have that. I KNOW I'm getting a revision already. I will still keep you all posted as I heal, so you can see how these look as they soften up. I'm depressed I didn't get what I wanted. But I have no regrets, because obviously I'll have to get where I want in stages so my body can handle the changes without complication.

I'm feeling good, but mentally anguished over how small I still am. I've been taking it easy, so to avoid damaging the little breast augmentation I got. I get upset when I see new posts from other smaller women in here (with no kids) getting the implants I wish I ended up with. I'm still better than I was pre-BA, but disappointed. Hopefully, as days go by, I'll become more accepting. I can say that I don't feel like I have a foreign object in my chest. My breasts almost feel like they did when they were swollen from getting my period. I went back to work today, and took things easy. I do secretarial work, so I just avoided picking up big files. I can do that for 9 more work days, then I'll be on vacation for a week. I'm doing a basic convalescing. I'll keep you all posted.

Saw Dr. Deane yesterday. He said everything looks good, to start resuming normal activity. Only thing I told him that bothered me was that the right breast was sensitive on the sides. He wasn't too worried about it.

When I got home, I was washing my Labrador Retriever in the bathtub. I actually stand in the tub with her while I wash her. Well, I lost my balance and fell back out of the tub and on the way to the floor, tried breaking my fall with my right arm out, and in so doing banged the right side of my right breast on the toilet bowl. OMG, I panicked. Wasn't really sure how I felt yet, but popped up on my feet and iced my boob right away. It was very sore. Of course Murphy's Law would have it that I had to bang the breast that gave me the most problem.

I went on RealSelf to research what happened to others in here who had something similar happen. Most doctors said to watch for changes in breast with swelling and call surgeon. I took some pictures this morning (attached), went to work, and now I'm home. I just put in a call to Dr. Deane, just so he knows what's going on. His nursing staff said they would email him. I know I'm in good hands with him. I'm leaving for Florida tomorrow morning, so I hope I'm okay.

I'm posting photos. I'm totally disappointed. My breasts are pretty, and pretty small too! I look absolutely no different in clothes. I still fit in my bras that I wore pre-augmentation. I'm posting pictures of me in my old bra. I find it really hard to believe that my surgeon could only fit 200 ccs. I can't believe I have to go through another surgery! So angry right now.

I still want a revision to go bigger.

I saw my PS today. Getting my revision done on 10/21 to go bigger. I'm very excited. He did a good job, but it wasn't what I had in mind. I want a little more vavoom. I know he'll do a beautiful job. He'll make sure they are symmetrical and nipple is in its proper place. They will be beautiful still, yet bigger. Can't wait to see the change. Now, I look great naked, but look the same clothed. I'm still wearing my old bras. After this revision, I hope I finally get to where I want to be. Thank you all who supported me. I wish you all well.

I already posted that I'm getting a revision on my BA SCHEDULED FOR 10/21/16, but wanted to share 3+ month post-surgery photos. As much as I think they are pretty, I want bigger. I still wear same size bra, and I want that to change.

To recap - I had a breast augmentation in May 2016 and was very unhappy. I wanted 300-350 ccs, but my PS gave me only 200 ccs! He said it was all he could fit! I was so upset and angry. I really found it hard to believe that it was all he could fit. I started out with a 34A and ended with a 34B (I still wear the same bras). PS wouldn't even discuss a revision with me until I was 3 months out. Well, I still want a revision and it's 5 months out! It is scheduled for 10/21/16 with same surgeon. I'm really apprehensive about using him again because I feel he will just disappoint me again. I keep saying I want that 300-350 cc's, and he keeps mentioning 250-275 cc's. NOW WHY WOULD I WANT TO GO THROUGH A SECOND SURGERY FOR THAT LITTLE BIT OF A BUMP UP!? When I mentioned something to this effect, he did say "well I think I'll be able to give you 300 ccs, but you want me to be able to close the wound, don't you?" That's where I feel like he is already setting me up for disappointment because he said that the last time too. I feel like he already has it in his head he won't give me that 300 cc or greater!!! He also told me that in his opinion husbands don't like their wives to have big breasts where one would stare at them while out to dinner. I kept listening in disbelief. He then said he wants me to have breasts where no one will notice and that when people speak to me, they will look me in the face, not at my boobs. OMG, first of all, I'm not talking porn star boobs here, I want 300-350 ccs! Second of all I'm 58 years old and I want a little VAVOOM for the first time in my life. Also, I want them to be noticed! That's why I'm getting a breast augmentation. I want larger breasts that look bigger in clothes.

Also after researching his work, I came across a few women who he gave 200 cc's to on their first BA and he told them the same thing "it was all that would fit." Personally, I think he is bringing his own opinions about large breasts into the mix. And what really gets me is that 300 cc's is NOT a huge breast size! I think it's okay for a surgeon to use their eye and judgment when operating, but they also must take the patient's goals into consideration as well. The good thing about this surgeon is that I know he is a perfectionist and a good surgeon, I'd just wish he'd find a happy medium of what he wants for me and WHAT I WANT FOR ME. Not to be controlling.

I'm losing sleep over this. I'm not going to back out now, I'm just going to pray for a miracle that he gives me what I'm looking for. I can't afford to lose another $1,900. The first surgery was $9,000. For that much money, shouldn't I get what I want, especially if it is a reasonable request!?

Revision done. All went well. Got my 300cc. I'm so happy. I got exactly what I wanted, and they still look beautiful and natural. Not big, but not small either. I can go braless or make them bigger with bra. I can dress them up or down. And I know they will still drop and fluff. I am still recovering only few hours. I will post pictures later.