Hello lovely ladies of RealSelf
So I am finally...
Hello lovely ladies of RealSelf
So I am finally here and ready to pull the trigger on this long, long, LONNNNNG wait for the Brazilian Butt Lift surgery. I have been thinking about this for over two years and I just can't wait for a tomorrow I cannot see anymore.
I am a plus sized 29 year old woman. No kids. About 5'3, 5'4 250 lbs. How depressing.
And that is after some weight loss (more on this later if anyone is interested).
I am top heavy. All my weight is in my breast, arms, and wide waist.
I have been unhappy about my body for as long as I could remember. I can't tell you how long I believed the shape of my body no matter if I'm bigger or slimmer has been the source of my discontent. I have it in my head that a smaller waist would be the answer to all my problems. I hear thats not true but in my case I'm pretty sure its a great headstart. You ladies do not know how much of my life I've stunted being emotionally tormented by what I look at in the mirror.
I've come here to vent honesties I could never say out loud to anyone in person.
While I believe diet and exercise is the end all be all, the shape of my figure would make the world of difference. For this, I am planning to have my surgery done late June 2015 and I will not be looking back.
I am not telling a soul, not even my mother. I have moved in with my family temporarily and am using the funds I saved to do this. After much deliberation, I have chosen Dr. Yily for her spectacular work on waists. I will need a tummy tuck but I will not be doing that in DR. I will continue losing weight and working out and do it safely in the states.
This is going to be my first round of maybe too. My priorities are SNATCHED WAIST first, butt second. I am not looking for a BIG butt (although many girls look so amazing with that). I don't want that kind of attention outside of a realm I can control. I want her to add to my butt but its more about shape. Save me from my flat back self. Give me a full, sweetly shaped upside down heart butt and eliminate as much of my wide waist as possible safely.
I want to buy my plane ticket tonight and I am sending my deposit in the morning.. but the only reason I haven't is because I want to make sure my cursed BMI is not going to be a problem. I am waiting for hte go ahead from Dr. Yily. Don't get me wrong. I am going to eat a pristine clean diet and exercise until my surgery to get down as much as I can for better results. But if the BMI is a problem, I will have to cancel until much later. As a student I don't have much free time to travel.
Never mind the fact that I am hiding this from everyone who sees me every day. They just know I faithfully workout and diet.
I will document every step of this journey on here and hopefully help someone out there who is lurking amongst the many reviews the way that I have been doing on and off for the past couple of years.
Feel free to ask me anything. I am happy to help and am just grateful RealSelf exists. Keeping this as my secret is unnerving as it is. I feel lucky you all are here for support.
The (soon to be, god help me) Hourglass Honey
First Roadblock. Me Against My BMI
So unsurprisingly I called Yily's office and after details of where to send my deposit and things they explained that my BMI has to be 35. Its about 40 right now.
Its more than me wanting to do the surgery sooner. I'm in a rigorous school program and we only have 2 breaks, each one week long. If I don't keep my late June date, I won't have another opportunity until close to the end of the year I believe. After that I don't know when I would get off time again or if I'd even have the funds by then.
I also feel so let down my self with goals that are too far for me to really see. I need something tangible to hope for.
Now I can drop quite a bit of weight with focus because Im a special kind of fiend but 5 BMI points? I don't know. Is it crazy to try?
But they did say if I couldn't come on the scheduled date that I could reschedule
Part of me wants to just pay that deposit so that its real. I have a way of making things happen at crunch time. Although emotionally I feel I just need this change
I won't be doing a tummy tuck even though I probably need one because I prefer to do that within the US and after I have reached my fitness goals. I plan to train and go all of the way to Bad Bish Kingdom lol
I consider this bbl a much needed shaping not to be misconstrued with weight loss
These plane tickets are not cheap though. I can reschedule a surgery date but I wouldn't be happy losing out on $500+ for a plane I never took. And I'm worried the longer I wait to buy plane tickets, the higher the cost.
Anyway tonight I'm looking into getting a new passport and start making a list of what I will need/begin ordering them.
Hand to sky, I will be transforming into the girl I see in my head.
5 BMI points? No problem.. ????????????????????
Gastric Sleeve, Weight loss Plan & More
First of all I'm highly skeptical of my ability to lose just enough weight in two months. I really thought about it and did some math. I will find out when my other week long break is because that is something I'd more likely pull off.
My other concern is I'm obsessed with the idea of a fabulous tiny waist in proportion to the rest of my body. I am more concerned with this than a big booty. I am all about that silhouette honey. I don't want to put my all into this with mediocre results so I want to get a lot of this fine myself for better results
I am all about the follow through right now so I'm getting the ball rolling. I had to call Yilys office and ask for deposit information like three separate times (days). The English speaking girl finally emailed me the complete info.
If the bank is open tomorrow I am going to send my deposit in for my tentative current date.
Now the weight loss in itself. I secretly had the weight loss surgery a few years ago. I got the gastric sleeve. It was a fail. Well I did lose nearly forty pounds that never came back but that's somewhat negligible. My real issue is with depression. I don't sit and eat large meals before or after. But I do graze on the impulse of emotion which maintains my caloric intake. I don't even necessarily bother with junk or fast food but intake is intake.
Also the sleeve is a tool. Carb rich foods don't keep me as full for long which is conducive to grazing. Protein rich foods fill me up fast which I find a problem when I'm feeling sad and the act of chewing is undermined by being too full. Depression is something I have to actively manage. When I'm healthy, on meds or managing well I'm a force to be reckoned with. When I'm low, well.
My plan is to utilize my tool, the sleeve, as intended but train like I used to in my better days and monitor a restrictive diet I got from fitness folks and lifters.
I will be on a low calorie diet rich in protein and fat and very low in carbs. Each meal essentially will be meats and plenty of dark leafy greens. Fat and protein will fill up my sleeve fast in relatively small portions and it keeps me full way longer.
In addition I will use intermittent fasting which is essentially eating within a certain window of time daily. Its like a six to eight hour window so or example if I start getting my calories in at 10 AM, my last meal has to be eaten before 4 and 6 PM for the day. Its just a nice way to regulate your feeding and hormones etc. I've done it in the past. I have a nice clarity when I work out, get through my day. My current schedule will work well with this. For simplicity's sake I will keep my meals basic and just repeat them most days.
I will be drinking plenty of water although the next few days will suck so hard. When I drop all carbs and sugar, I end up needing to pee so often it's ridiculous. Then the more water you drink the more you get thirsty and so forth. That's the diuretic effect of the low carb thing at play. For this reason I won't be so hype about the initial drop in weight because it's artificial water weight. But it's still nice to see!
I'll be tracking my progress on an app I love called LoseIt on android. Logging all the food and the weigh ins will keep me on task although I think confiding in you guys will be even more effective.
With a very clean nutrition plan (I will be starting my vitamin supplements from now too) I know I can drop some nice weight. I won't feel that great until maybe a week from now as I adapt.
My bigger concern is the gym time. Now is not the time to go nice and easy but I also have to pay attention because eating lower carefully rationed calories means lower energy at first. I will be doing loads of cardio and some weight training. The time commitment alone makes me sad lol. But I'm at my wits end with this terrible relationship I have with my body. I want to be comfortable in the skin I'm in. I'm a smart person and I can get things done if I really want to so why not do this for myself
Reading these reviews and seeing everyone personal journey is so inspiring. I hope to contribute in a meaningful way in this community. I will try to keep showing up and hopefully I will have something beautiful to show ask of you lovely women out there sometime soon
Setting Myself Up For Success. Fall 2015
I have to confirm but it looks like my next and only other free week will be in October so I am going to move my date to then.
I was inspired by my Mother's Day raid to Sephora last night (my mommy is beyond thrilled. Yes to all girly things!) to stop the madness and really do right by me. From relearning basic rules of girldom to making sure this little money I have to resculpt my body really goes long, I need to give myself a chance at maximum impact. I go so far even for strangers but am quick to shortchange myself.
Yes I knew it was madness but I still had to work through it in real life terms. I cut carbs so i know its real, friends. Jesus be a bread loaf. Arghhhhhh Lol
I am going to maintain the outlined fitness and diet plan I wrote above the entire time and update my progress on here. If I truly stay that strict the whole time, I will have done a lot of damage believe you me.
That's 5 full months available to me to actualize my personal greatness - stage one. I will try to temper my impatience with support from you guys.
With a lower weight, and a smaller figure I will be that much closer to my no-waist goals. Ugh. Would I even be able to stand myself with all that sexy? Lol
Seriously so much size centealized in my midsection.. The rest of my frame isn't even that big comparatively. This has to end.
Plane ticket prices are somewhat better. I am looking into staying at a hotel.. I was thinking the Crowne Plaza based on reviews. I will do more research though because I can see the value in being around other lovely ladies during what will be a very scary time. I just wonder if I hire a nurse can't she just come back with me to the hotel to monitor me? I read one girl say they forgot to send the nurse she paid for and she had a horrible night. I have my heart set on being over prepared down to learning important phrases in Spanish.
5 months. God thats long. But this is a real test of will. Instant gratification never did me a damn bit of good. Its time I give myself better love and a better life.
Setbacks - Postponed til December
I'm a fit of psychosis I told my mom what I was planning to do in Oct.
She told my dad.
My divorced parents have a better relationship than most marriages I've ever seen. So when they tag team, I'm sol
He asked me to hold off until I graduate in Dec. I'm in an intense program and we only had one week off in Oct when I was going to do this.
You guys have to understand. I adore my father like no other. He will ask you so gently and lovingly and lay out his reasons.. He doesn't want me to drop the ball and not get my license. Of course he's right of course I think I can handle it.
But I felt like crying after I agreed. I'm a grown woman but I'm broken inside and I feel the world can see it.
I'm all these things men say they want but once I fix my cosmetic matters suddenly I will be the dream girl?
I resent that so much. I want to look good every day I look at myself and not feel shame about my natural figure.
Someone I was involved with for some time now pulled some sh... recently and all I could think was you wouldn't be doing that if you were worried
He's not my man so I let him.be and he can stay gone. He crossed the line
But it sucks that men act like they can't see you as a person unless u represent what makes them better
And here you have my dad who loves me to pieces with no changes at all. He doesn't even judge me he just wants me to finish and do well
I admit ladies I'm feeling low..grateful for my family but lonely and low. They say weight loss doesn't change everything but please. It changes some things.
Is it silly to want something real to come out of something superficial?
I am going to rededicate myself to getting as fit as possible so when it's time at the end of the year, theres no conflict of interest. I guess I need to find some sisters on here.. I don't want to step into 2016 with this body
.I also bet that scheduling may be a problem. Due to holiday in the DR..maybe someone can fill me in
So sad I have to postpone I could just weep right now.
Its a Year Later and I'm Finally Making this Happen
So much happened this past year. I went through so much, accomplished quite a bit and I finally have some time off and I want to take advantage of it.
I'm still plus sized and hating my proportions but with my money in my hand and my schedule opened up, all I know is I am seeing this happen this year. I am aiming for August 2016.
I was recently looking to switch to Dra. Duran but i don't like how difficult it is to get any sort of answer back. Yily, Duran, and Diaz are on my radar and I have two concerns. I want a snatched waist. I want it as snatched as possible. I don't care about having a big booty, just a shapely one. I want this wide waistline that plagued me through the years gone. I also am interested in a breast lift with no implant. I can't stand this big girl sag, it affects my self esteem just seeing a sadder version of my own breast and I never even had children.
It looks like I will be having a tummy tuck too. But which of these doctors are BEST with the incisions? I am a melanated queen and as such, I worry about aggressive keloid scars forming. I will live in silicone tape but I want those cuts as obscure as possible.
Last I checked Yily doesn't have an IG anymore. Diaz IG looks amazing but I don't see any plus sized ladies like that. Duran sounds great but again, I can't get in touch.
This week I am applying for my passport, putting down my deposit, starting any supplements, and working a pristine diet and exercise regimen. No games shall be played. By the time I go see Formation in the fall, I should be stacked like my Queen Bey lol
Here we go girls
Switching to Dr. Cabral and #IaintSorry! + Facing Surgery Alone
My rapid fire quote requests have brought me to a turn in the road.
I have yet to hear back from Yily.
Dr. Duran, whose current next availability is mid-November, will not allow to schedule your surgery as per the Surgery Coordinators email and my followup phone call, if you are currently over the BMI. Since I am over it by almost 2 points, even though I can lose it by the end of 6 months time, I can't book. Which takes Dr. Duran out of the running for me because hand to sky, I will be a new body babe happy and healthy by the close of 2016.
As I researched, I saw the infallible ultimate snatch from none other than King Cabral. Now ladies, I understand there are a lot of strong feelings about his history. I am well aware of the unfortunate cases and have been since the beginning of my looking into this years ago. However aside from the frenetic media hoopla about this doctor's history, I also understand that even here in the states that well respected surgeons with long careers do have to face a mortality rate which, statistically speaking as a career lengthens, is likely to see sad tales.
Not at all rationalizing, and I'm the biggest chicken you'll ever meet. I am just deciding and fully cognizant of the risks.
So that being said, unless something changes between now and then, this is the doctor I will be going to. He is my best chance that will battle my ultimate enemy, an unforgiving wide waist shattering the silhouette of many a dresses, relegating me to the life of a lovely faced box. #applebodytroubles
Now I am not going to be silly. I will take EVERY precaution with my health and I think I am also going to have to find a highly skilled nurse to look after me especially right after surgery. It seems to me that the high volume fluid loss will have me super weak, vulnerable, and unable to do anything about the pain headed my way. I will outline my research about that here
Starting today, the increase in my folates dark green leafy vegetable, iron supplements, top notch nutrition begins here
I think I am also going to get some blood work done now so I know where my heme stands, where I am healthwise in general and have it all reassessed weeks before my surgery
I'm also going to start the passport application today.
No games shall be played here ladies.
None at all.
I'm going alone, no one is going to know
I casually asked my mom if she would come with me (she's a nurse) if I needed her to. She was with me when I had my bariatric surgery years ago and man did I need my mommy. She was terrified I'm sure and I was under for like 6 hours. I didn't know, drugs are great. I went to sleep and woke up to my mom. I was scared and she was there.
Anyway she said no lol But she also side eyed the shit out of me. Because she's like that. Reactionary and quick to tell my ass to sit down. But she also knows come hell and high water if I wanna do something, I just show up with my new chapters of life and politely escort everyone to help them get on board or nah.
So she was like "wait why. You having surgery? see you always doing some s___. You already made your plans now you asking me last minute"
She didn't realize I'm in my beginning stages of making this real. I just told her ok and to never mind
I will likely call home from DR after all is said and done because when I get back, I will need help. My parents always come through in the clutch so there is that. I just don't want them to worry so no need to bring attention to the fact that I'm going to do this.
I love them to pieces and my brother too and I can tell you right now none of them will appreciate this little adventure of mine when its all said and done.
But they are supportive family, I couldn't be more lucky. I just need to put, as my mom says, my big girl panties on and get this done.
I'm awaiting my quote. Just called and spoke to someone at Cabral's who said the dates I want are available and the only reason I am not sitting outside my bank right now to send my deposit is because of the technical cockblock that is called a federal holiday. Ok ok, Memorial Day- all love to our soldiers and families.
Thats all for now ladies. I feel so determined that the energy has me up and super sharp. Let me get as much as I can done while riding this productivity high lol