31, 5'4", 115lbs, No Kids, 397-421cc Natrelle Classic Round Silicone Gel, Submuscular, Transaxillary

I'm in my early thirties and have yet to "learn to love" my breasts. I don't think it's gonna happen without some serious intervention. I've dreamed about a breast lift since I was in high school, and implants in more recent years. I've worked up the courage and I'm finally ready to take the plunge. I have my consultation with Dr. Burden on the 18th of January 2016.

Ever since I was 10, I've been self-concious about my breasts. They grew seemingly overnight, and weren't at all what I was expecting. Based on what I'd seen in the locker room at school, my peers' breasts--despite coming in all different sizes--were generally round and perky. Mine were shapeless and sagging from the beginning. I had what the youths call "pepperoni nipples." One breast was bigger than the other. The areola on the smaller breast was bigger than the one on the larger (of course). I was pointedly asked "What's wrong with your breasts?" and "Why do they look like that?" by other girls. I just knew something had gone terribly wrong during puberty. I was a tomboy who lived in sports bras and convinced myself that I had ruined my breasts by not supporting them with a proper bra. I held onto hope that they were still developing, but I was done and completely in denial. By the time I reached high school, I had gone from feeling self-concious to outright hating my breasts.

My breasts have gone through some changes over the years. After an injury and subsequent bout of depression in my early twenties, I gained 30 pounds in the span of about 3 months. I spent most of my twenties overweight. While I went from a B to a C cup, my breasts remained shapeless bags and the drooping only became more obvious. After going on hormonal birth control, they looked almost normal. Though painfully engorged, they had filled out and had volume on top. They were even perky! But after the first week on the pill, they deflated and drooped. Just a year later, I lost all the weight I had gained and they deflated even more. Stretch marks from puberty and rapid weight gain are now puckered and accentuated by loose skin.

My breasts honestly make me sad, and I know they're a turn off to other people. My last partner wouldn't take my bra off anymore after the first time we were together, and he ignored and avoided my breasts when I did. Taking my top off requires a lot of courage, and that was a huge blow. I don't feel feminine or sexy. I've become avoidant of intimate relationships because as soon as my bra comes off, all of my confidence comes off with it. Even around other women, I feel uncomfortable and try to change as quickly as possible in locker rooms. It feels ridiculous as an adult to be ashamed of being topless, but the looks and comments my breasts receive only confirm what I feel.

I see a lot of "I want bigger boobs" and "Going from A to DDs!" here. I just wish mine looked "normal." Size was never really the issue for me until recently. While sagging is my main concern, my breasts are smaller now at 30 than they were when I was a preteen (despite being the same weight!). I'm not even sure what my accurate bra size is anymore because it's so difficult to measure. I've been measured as a 30C, 32B, and 34A, and nothing ever fits quite right. Bras are either too constricting or there's gaping at the top where I have no upper pole volume. The fact that one breast is smaller than the other doesn't help. I'll wear a padded pushup bra if I need to fill out a dress (I'm pear-shaped), but otherwise, I'm most comfortable in bralettes and sports bras.

I do want SOME volume, but I also I want a natural-looking slope. I really dislike the high-profile, super round, bolted-on look. I can't see anything larger than a full B cup looking natural on my frame. I want to still be able to fit into my old clothes. I'm really struggling with wish pics because my ideal size is pretty modest. Honestly, a lot of RealSelf users' before photos are my goal breasts!

I didn't mean to write a novel, but getting this all out has been pretty cathartic. I'm excited and looking forward to my consultation and getting a clearer picture of what my options are.

Finally found a few reference photos of my ideal shape. Consultation is tomorrow (not sure why I put the 18th) and I'm starting to get nervous!

I had my consultation this afternoon. A friend who had a breast augmentation advised me to go in expecting to be thrown for a loop, and she wasn't too far off. I came in with one expectation (a breast lift with anatomical implants) and left with a pretty different one, but I'm still satisfied with the plan.

Dr. Burden noted that I was in borderline need of a breast lift, but suggested that I hold off and see how satisfied I am with a breast augmentation first. I'd honestly prefer to wait and see as the invasiveness of a lift and the scarring (I tend to scar badly as it is) is what put me off of it so long in the first place. Dr. Burden suggested round, moderate profile silicone implants in the range of 350-370ccs. I'm still undecided on size and am concerned about going too big/looking proportionate.

Dr. Burden and the staff at Destin Plastic Surgery made me feel at ease and answered all of my questions (the ones I could remember!). I had already made up my mind about getting the surgery before I walked in the door, but I felt even more assured about my decision after the consultation.

I went ahead and booked my surgery for March 4th because my schedule for February is going to be fairly hectic. I hate waiting, but at least it'll give me time to hoard some leave and get in as many workouts as possible before I won't be able to do anything for six weeks! I'm excited, but it all still feels a little unreal.