The healing journey...

I can't believe it's been 16 weeks! Wow.

I feel incredible. The tummy tuck has changed my life and the way I view myself and the way the world views me. In been a whirlwind and pretty shocking. I just can't get over it. I'm deeply grateful and amazed.

My breasts are pretty. My left has a capsule, but it's slowly softening and so I'm not completely sure if I'll get it corrected now. I'd like to, but eh, not sure that I will. My right is simply divine. The scars are actually darkening a bit. Kind if bummed as they've been barely noticeable. My TT scar is dark and red. There is one spot where the scar has turned white and is amazing. I really hope the whole thing eventually goes pale like that one spot. I'm still scarred from the mystery scars I woke up after surgery with. Very odd. I am going to get my BB pierced in the next few months to sort of distract from the scars.
I have fat deposits on my sides and near my breasts at the sides. The skin is loose and hangs and it kind of sucks. I think I'd have to have an insicions and tuck of sorts to rid of it. Lipo wouldn't do. Oh well, it's ok. My back carries weight and loose skin and I'd love it to be more toned. Ive become a gym rat, I already was one before but now I'm just bursting with energy which is wonderful. I can't believe that I am a size 10. That has also exceeded my hopes. I'm sometimes a 12 but either way. I'm amazed and so pleased.
I feel beautiful. Men treat me differently and while its nice, it's also hurtful. I am the same person and women seem to treat me less nice. That sucks too. I feel kind of like I no longer belong to a plus-sized girl club. I have always loved fashion and when I was big an dressed fashionably, there was a sisterhood and appreciation. Now, it's like I fend for myself. I feel attractive and I can't complain, but I also feel kind of like people judge me as if I've gone through life like this. I can't explain it. It's weird and is a total mind flip.

Anyway, I take a lot of pics of myself when I get dressed but I don't show anyone. I don't post pics if my body on Facebook. I feel like I'm trying to wrap my head around it, but I can't. I also feel like unworthy. Weird. Like an imposter.

All in all, those moments are here and there and not always. I'm very grateful to experience this side of life. I'm turning 32 this month and feel like I'm at my peak and prime.

Here is a pic if me. I blurred the stretch marks. I should have kept the before of this pic for this purpose but didn't think of it at the time. Weight still holding stubborn and steady at 200.8.

It's incredible that it's only been 3 months. It feels like way longer. I almost can't remember what it was like to deal with my pre-surgery body day to day. I feel immensely fortunate to have had this opportunity. I thank my husband deeply for allowing and encouraging me to go for it. It has been life changing. The tummy tuck, especially.

My left breast is still hard with no real signs of softening. Thing is, it's settled into the pocket somewhat, so it does move and jiggle like a normal breast. But when you give it a squeeze, OR when I lift my left arm, the hardness is very obvious. It also makes gym work where I am on my stomach tough. Feels like a ball.
I want it to be better. But there is a chance it could do the same thing yet again. And maybe even worse? And then I'm opening myself up to infection again and body stress. And since I have an autoimmune disease, I'd say that I have to take those small things into consideration. But when I'm intimate (harhar) - it does bother me. And that's certainly something I don't want - was something else to be self concious about. It is also somewhat uncomfortable for me to sleep on.
I'd say - I'm at 80% that I will get it done. Question is - how soon and how much? My infx had to be fixed. But this, not sure if this is considered necessary as it's not his fault my body capsulated and it's not a health risk. I'll have to look into it.

Okay, I can NOT break the 200 lbs mark! I get close and then the next day I'm like 4 lbs up - haha. But I still am way pleased at the scale. I'd be happy here forever, I think. Which is a nice feeling.
My pants still fall down terribly. I used to think it was my belly flap. Maybe its because I don't have an ass. HAHA!!

Okay, here are some pics. I am bruised terribly. I don't know why or from what. I'm going to hearken it up to anemia or something going on with my body. Or my meds. This sort of thing comes and goes with me - so I'll look into it in a couple of weeks if it keeps up. The scar is pretty red.
Someone suggested bio-oil. I might. I have some. I got it years ago, my friend sent it to me from the UK. Now it's readily available here, but years ago, I broke out into a rash. So, I"ll try it again in a small spot first.

The pics!

Nothing much to update. I feel really good! Still numb but there is some feeling returning. I am having 'phantom' itches. Not true phantom itches, because I haven't lost a limb, but I'm itching on my TT incision and its still numb, so I can't satisfy the itch by scratching it. It can get very annoying!

My breasts look great, but I think I will go ahead and get the implant replaced or scar tissue removed because despite them looking good, the implant just feels so damn hard. And I think marginally getting worse and harder. I will give it on more week so see how I feel. If I still feel this strongly, I'm gonna go get it done. My right is amazing. Sometimes I even wonder if the implant popped because its so soft and lovely. But its still the same size generally as the other, so I know it has not.

I have stopped using scar strips, and have been using Prosil stick. The scar strips seemed great, but they were SO annoying to wash and replace all the time. And I bought two different brands - both generic and one was SO much better than the other. The newer ones I bought fall off so easily. So, I want to buy a new box, but I can't remember which was which!
The fat deposit or swelling I had over my hips on the scar has lessened. Its still there, but much less so. I'm very happy with it. I am not happy with how I still have weird scarring as if I was burned somehow buy something dripped during my procedure. But Im very sure it will be nearly gone in a year or so.

So that's my update for now! I'll get new pics up by my next update :D