I am so thankful for this site and...
I am so thankful for this site and everyone's story. I got my saline implants under the muscle 12 years ago, I think they are 280cc that took me from a 32AA to a 34C. I am pear shaped so the implants balance out my figure. I wasn't aware of my flat chest until my first husband began complaining that his ex was better endowed than I was. He would constantly make comments about how unhappy he was with my breasts and even after I divorced him, the insecurity stayed with me. I finally found the money to get implants and got the procedure after meeting a wonderful guy I fell head over heels for, and I was embarrassed to be intimate with him because of my small breasts ***smh*** 3 years after the surgery we had a baby boy and my boobs got even bigger and I began gaining weight when my son was around 3 years old. The marriage was miserable, the guy was very violent and I eventually left him. It's been a few years since I have been in therapy recovering from both marriages and along the way I became a fitness enthusiast, and a vegetarian. I started learning how to be good to my body and my soul, and my life is now better than it's ever been, but these bags do not fit my new life. They get in the way when I'm jogging, they feel funny when I'm lifting weights, and I can't hug people as hard as I want because I'm self-conscious. It's also difficult to think about being intimate with a new guy because again, I am embarrassed of the "fake" breasts. I found this website and after reading other ladies' stories, I decided to go head and get my implants removed. It took me months of looking for my original PS until I found out he's retired :-/ but I found another one who's very experienced and confident. I am having the procedure done with local anesthesia, since going under was one of my fears, and my PS suggested to wait and see if my skin will tighten and bounce back before scheduling a lift, but no matter what my boobies look like, there is no way I'm having another surgery.
I am really anxious because it's less than a week until my procedure and I don't know what to expect and feel afraid that my breasts will shrink to nothingness and I will regret the surgery, but I keep telling myself that it's time for me to accept myself for who I truly am, and that being healthy and fit is more important than conforming to ridiculous beauty standards that the media sells us. I'm so so scared, so nervous, so indecisive that I did not pay for my procedure until the very last minute in case I changed my mind. I'm afraid I'll regret it but I'm ready to be myself again, to be free and comfortable. I haven't had any issues but the implants are uncomfortable and I've lived with them for over a decade. I can't believe what I put my body through, all because I was insecure!!! I need encouragement and good vibes if anyone have some to spare, thank you. And love and blessings to all the ladies whose stories have made me braver. I will post pictures later.
Here are my before pictures, 4 days pre op.
Today is the day
28 Dec 2015
Day of treatment
I'm due for surgery in a couple hours and I'm frozen with anxiety, but slept better than I thought I would. I finally told my 9 years old about my implants and he was in disbelief that his momma had PLASTIC SURGERY! But he was a good sport about it, more concerned with my feelings than anything else. I just told him I might look groggy and weird when I come home this afternoon and he shouldn't worry, that was my point in telling him anyway.
I don't know what to expect and in a way that's what makes me nervous, how will I feel afterwards if I will only have local anesthesia and oral sedation? Also, bringing a pillow for the ride home but still dreading it. I went grocery shopping and got some Greek yogurt for the antibiotics and pain meds, I mixed it with agave syrup and fresh cherries. I also made a couple veggie soups and quinoa and kale salad, hopefully to keep things smooth with my digestive system. I didn't want to take laxatives so I got a bottle of prune juice just in case.
I was reading about tuberous breasts and I strongly believe that is my condition, although I was able to breastfeed just fine. This leads me to believe that I will have no breast tissue left, just huge nipples like I had pre BA ???? I purchased a front closing sports bra to ride home in and the size small was a tad loose around the band, what am I supposed to do for support? I guess I will order a post-surgical bra this morning.
Anyway, as you can see my mind is all over the place but part of me is excited to get these things out once and for all. I have been praying for an easy surgery without complications and a safe return home. Thanks everyone for the good wishes, I will post an update. Here are a few more pictures taken this weekend.
28 Dec 2015
Day of treatment
But I don't feel a difference yet, might be too soon. The PS was running behind and I waited about two hours past my appointment time to get the surgery. I was given some pils to relax and then I was injects with numbing medicine but I felt the blade slicing my skin on the left breast and screamed, but the PS didn't stop to numb me more, he kept going. That was the only complication, everything else went smoothly. I slept for hours when I got home and now I have no pain, only the discomfort from the incisions. As many other ladies said, it was more a fear of the unknown that caused me anxiety. I have some pictures.
Took off the bandages
And the guy missed a stitch :(
The other side looks horribly stitched together. I had read bad reviews on this guy but thought nothing could go wrong. You get what you pay for and now I will have to deal with this nightmare.
The practice manager said they wouldn't see me just for a stitch and to put hydrogen peroxide on it.
It was bound to happen
Yesterday I found another missing stitch, this one on the left breast. I used another butterfly closure as my friend did with the first one. Today, the skin around the incisions is discolored...I am developing an infection. But of course, I couldn't possibly have two open wounds and NOT develop infections. Ugh, I cannot believe how wrong I was in choosing my PS! And I feel angry for doing the BA all those years ago to begin with. PS has called in a new script for antibiotics and I see him for my post op on Monday. Today I saw a little bit of fluffing, so all is not lost.
This might be the final post...
I had my post-op with Kenneth Stein, and because I called a few times over the past week, I could tell he was defensive from the get-go. I showed him where there are no stitches and the skin is healing, but broken and he kept asking "are you serious?" and saying it was all normal. I made him turn on his overhead lamp, he wouldn't examine me and made me take off the dressings, and he still said he saw nothing. It was a typical crazymaking exchange!!! So I got emotional because I have been so stressed out and he grew more defensive and more unkind. I showed him the bumpy sutures on my left side and he said that will flatten out, and that he couldn't believe I was making a big deal out of nothing. I showed him the pictures I took right after I took off the dressings so he would see what I saw, to try and make him sympathize with me, but again he grew more and more defensive, and then said there are internal stitches; couldn't he have told me that from the beginning? At that point I wiped my tears (yes, I started crying out of frustration) and I said I wasn't hysterical and he said to me "you are hysterical". I explained that I was impressed by his credentials and confidence and thought he would give me beautiful results, sutures with no bumps or gaps and he just stood there looking at me like I was insane.
He asked about the discharge I supposedly called about a couple days ago and I corrected him, I said 'discoloration' on the breast tissue and he asked me very condescending if I ever had a bruise before, and then he said I could stop the antibiotics and just let things be. He said I am welcome to return in a month to see how I am healing. I left feeling so embarrassed and wondering if I am truly hysterical, an irrational person and emotionally weak. Correct me if I'm wrong, but if any of us have surgery, we expect the incision to be completely closed. And if it's not, isn't it normal to worry? How do you know there's not a gaping hole to your insides if you see open skin?
I am walking away from this procedure sure of my decision to explant, but terribly regretful of my choice of surgeon. Again, I had read bad reviews for this guy but ignored them because they were from different procedures. Please do your research ladies, and don't make the mistakes I made. Thanks to those who have commented and messaged to send encouragement. Much love to everyone who's shared their stories.
Advice from anyone over a month post-explant
I am feeling more discomfort as time goes on, this past weekend I saw my GP and she removed a stitch that Kenneth Stein did not remove during post op :(
My wounds are not completely closed and they are very painful and tender, and I can feel thickening of the skin. The doctor said there is thick scar tissue growing, most likely from the awful suturing job this man did. She also said she would have expected me to be further along in the healing phase, so my question is if anyone over a month post-explant can share their physical state with me?
I am still happy I did this and feel positive about the way I look, but I am fed up with the pain and discomfort. Thanks for any feedback.
8 weeks post op and pics
21 Feb 2016
2 months post
I am finally at peace because it took this long for my incisions to close, after a few trips to the doctor, one who prescribed pills for anxiety and countless calls to other PS who refused to see me because I had surgery elsewhere. The right breast was open until about a week ago, and now has a big scab on the side; the incisions have healed like regular cuts and the spots where I did have stitches are thick with scar tissue. I have made peace with the fact that my breasts are not beautiful anymore, I'm not really bothered by the size but very glad to be natural and free of implants. I'm hoping the look of the incisions improves over time or I might consider scar revision in a year or so. I never thought that this would be such an awful experience but such is life, at least I get to hide the hideous scars under clothing. I love my soft squishy boobies ?? And that's what matters for now.
3 months post op
I'm actually a little over 3 months but I haven't wanted to upload pictures :(
The scars are very thick and my left nipple hangs over the rest of the breast like a flap of skin, and I knew that would happen because of the way the PS stitched me up. I've also developed stretch marks on the upper poles, ugh. I massage daily with Bio Oil and the incision scars have considerably thinned out but I'm almost positive I will require revision on the left breast unless I want to walk around with a Frankenstein nipple. Thankfully I'm not in a hurry and that decision can wait, there is still the possibility that as I continue to massage the incision scar, the tissue will not be pulled so tightly anymore and I will at least look a little normal.
For the stretch marks, I had been massaging with pure organic Cocoa Butter but that seemed to do nothing other than make the skin really oily, so I started massaging with Bio Oil as well and that doesn't seem to be doing anything either. I'm just not sure what else I could use and also feel that since I'm already three months out, there is nothing to be done and the stretch marks are there to stay.
On the other hand, I feel more comfortable and I have been told that my chest now matches the rest of my body, and that is wonderful to hear! I haven't even gone shopping for bras so, no clue what size I would wear now. I bought bralettes from Wal-Mart and that is enough to keep the little ladies contained during the workday. I still only regret my choice of surgeon but feel extremely happy about my decision to explant.
Almost 5 months post-op
17 May 2016
5 months post
Hello my real self friends,
I have decided to post a picture of the little ladies. As you can see, both nipples are like collapsed skin flaps; you can't even see the incision scar on the left breast because the flabby nipple is covering it. Ugh. I have continued massaging and the scar tissue is very thin, almost nonexistent now but I definitely will need scar revision to fix the horrible job that the PS did. I guess it is true that you get what you paid for, right? I'm still happy with my decision to explant and I try not to dwell on the appearance too much. Being implant free is all I hoped for. Much love to everyone else pre and post explantation!