27 5'8" 125lbs Mommy 550cc HP Silicone Unders - Auburn, CA

Sooooo....this is going to be a little long winded and rambling as as usual and I feel like a total whiney baby for even saying any of this. First of let me say that I am not an ungrateful spoiled brat, and this post may make you think that! Let me first say that my boobs are a million trillion billion times better than what they were and I am so happy that i was fortunate enough to finally get them and to be in a place in my life where I can afford them and I am also extremely happy that I have not (so far) had any problems, medically, physically, and health-wise. I know that there are horror stories from some women and the things they have gone through is incredible. Things could have gone much worse for me which is why I feel terrible for writing this even! I am so fortunate and blessed. That being said, I just want to share some feelings I have been having. I have only been feeling this way since yesterday so it may well pass and I can change my mind 47 more times between now and tomorrow! It has been known to happen before a time or two! So I don't want this to come across wrong. On the other hand...I have saved up my entire life for this! I have been dreaming of this so long that I want to have the results I am happy with I don't want to settle I suppose. To give you an idea of how long I have wanted this, when I called to make my first initial appointment and they looked me up by my SSN they told me I was already in the system. I told them thats not possible, this is my first time calling. They then listed an address they had for me..It was an address I lived at when I was 12 years old!!! I must have called back then and pretended to be older haha! Anyways...I am feeling quite small, and far apart, and narrow. I wanted big fluffy boobs that touched in the center and oozed out the sides. I have more torpedos I feel like. They are soft and squishy now. I am hoping that my muscle is just binding them together, but then why would they be soft? I am already a month post op tomorrow...I don't think they will change that much more.... My surgeon said I have to wait at LEAST 3 months before I get close to seeing final results and I am holding on to that hope that they will just magically get big and fluffy but alas... I don't know. I wish I would have gone with moderate profile, but it wouldn't fit on my small frame. So here I am. Do i want to go bigger... YES! Can I afford it....NO! I feel stuck with these now and they aren't my dream [RS bleep]! I tend to act overly positive and happy all the time, even when inside I do not feel that way. I guess it is my facade. Or i am worried about hurting others feelings if I don't seem grateful for all I have. And I do have a lot. So i should shut up. But I paid for my dream breasts. I want my dream breasts. I should have done more research i suppose. Maybe one day, 15 years from now, I will have saved up enough money again to get my dream boobs. However, I wanted them now while I'm young! I still just wear my compression bra and baggy sweatshirts so maybe when I get to wear real bras and cute clothes I will feel differently. Maybe I just need to go try on stuff for a boost. Maybe I need to take the advice of one real selfer on here that told me to lighten up on myself. I have always had that defect of character. I have very very low self worth and esteem and I demand perfection in myself. That is just not achievable, and so I constantly feel like a failure. Something you dont know about me, you can't tell it by my life now, but when I was 14 I had my first love...he was 23....Do you see a problem with this? I sure do now as a mother! I married him on my 18th birthday. He practically raised me, he shaped how i view myself. He was terribly terribly abusive. For years. Let me tell you, the emotional and mental abuse is a million times worse than the physical. I would take a punch in the face any day over the number he did to my head. I got up the courage one day to press charges and leave. I moved 3000 miles away from him to escape. He is serving 20 years in prison for what he did to me. I had every bone in the left side of my face broken, my jaw still pops back into place every time I chew and my eye socket was shattered. I got away. I worked 4 jobs. I took one step at a time and slowly but surely my life fell into place. I stayed single for a long time. I focused on my baby boy. I am a good mom. I do not have social media in fear of my ex. I was so hesitant to post on here, but I so badly wanted to. This is the first step I am taking to no longer live in fear. Why should i not live the way I want and deprive myself of things i want to do because of him? So I made this, and I share, and it helps me and I really hope it helps you. When I met my current husband I was so scared. He was so patient with me and took the gentlest baby steps with everything we did. The first time I got naked in front of him I apologized. He started to cry and just held me. He could not believe why I was sorry for. He has made me feel beautiful. It has not been easy. It was easier to be single. Anyways this is a boob forum so lets get back to the boobs, I did this for me. I want to be happy with the results I have because this was important to me. I don't really know where I am going with this post. I think mainly I don't want people to think I am not grateful with what I have. I am. I just wish I could do it all over again knowing what I know now. I want to tell you all to go bigger! But that is not the case every time. I guess, go with the look you truly want. Don't be conservative if you don't want to be! Don't be conservative because you're worried about what people may think, or your husband is. If you want HUGE FAKE boobs then get them!!! I guess I wanted HUGE FAKE boobs. I was just too embarrassed to say that because I think that makes me sounds less of a lady and mom. If you want smaller, natural boobs then get them!!! Just get what YOU want inside. Ignore all of the other factors. Get the look you want deep down and pretend that no one else in the world will hear what you tell your surgeon. I told my surgeon I wanted a C cup because I had convinced myself that was what I wanted. And I didnt want to sound bad or be judged. Now I know I didnt want a C cup! I don't know how I got influenced to thinking that. So get what you want! This is something a lot of us have waited for our whole lives! Don't hold back! Don't worry about anyone else, because in the end this is your decision and your body and you have to love your result! Us moms especially, our whole lives are selfless...do something for you. Be selfish for once!!! You deserve it! Thanks for putting up with me ladies! You have no idea how important you all are to me in my life. Seriously. You don't know it but you make a huge difference and you all help me so much! Couldn't do it without you! If I could bake you each a cake I would! I am going to be totally embarrassed tomorrow for posting this today. I am sure I will feel differently and then just be embarrassed for oversharing about myself in a moment of weakness but I'm going to press post anyways... what if it could help someone? Thanks and I'm sorry! I'm not crazy I promise. I think i just overshare maybe. But why hold back? Life is short and everything happens for a reason right? Maybe this is all part of the journey. I want to document a real journey. Not just get on here and say how everything is rainbows and butterflies!!!! It is ups and downs for sure! Hopefully, two years from now, my final post will say..... I could not be happier! We shall see. There is always hope! Things can always change and always get better! I can tell you that just by where my life is today as opposed to ten years ago! Hang in there ladies! You are all beautiful! :)

Watch the transformation of this fellow beautiful realselfer! This should give you hope! It gave me some so I just wanted to share with you!

Note: realselfer that I took these from, I'm really sorry and I hope you're not mad! I think your results are gorgeous and I just admire your progress! I removed your name... I know you mentioned how unhappy you were with your results but as you can see... Your results are an inspiration to others and are truly beautiful!

Hmm.... I flashed my hubby today on skype... He wanted to see how his girls were doing... I'll tell you something about him right now, he has never had a filter of any kind... He doesn't think before he speaks,... He tends to just sort of vomit words. It has gotten him into a lot of trouble throughout his life but it's one of the things I actually really appreciate about him. What you see is what you get and he's as real as they come. Anyway... I flashed him and he said ... "They are going to get closer together and more even when they drop." That was it. Now, I know I share with you ladies my worries about my gap size but I save him from all that talk so it wasn't that he knew I was worried about that and trying to make me feel better. It was just what he was thinking. Which spun me out. I know I'm sensitive anyway naturally, add a period and him being gone to the mix, and then top it off with my biggest insecurity about my gap size and the uneven-ness and now I'm more worried about it than ever. I don't know that they are going to change much more at all? I mean, they are high profile, and he didn't release my muscle so they will stay pretty high, and unlike my beautiful friend Gemini... Mine are no longer in my armpit. It's all there. What you see is what you get maybe? I'm hoping they change a lot more... How about all you ladies that are a year or more post op... Would you say that your boobs changed dramatically from 3 weeks? I mean I see some reviews where they look completely different and some where they really don't change much at all after three weeks... Have any of you not had your muscle released when the implant was placed? I've tried researching it and never heard of a doctor doing that. Also, can someone define the "fluffing"' to me? I get dropping, the implant placement doesn't actually drop, the silicone inside the bag just settles down to the bottom once your muscle relaxes and let's it go... But what exactly is fluffing? Do they get fuller? Because right now it's like not in my armpit, not in my cleavage line... It's just high and pointy straight out... Like Madonna. Please you boobie veterans tell me what it's like when they drop and fluff! I'm looking/hoping/praying for fullness and for them to kind of be teardrop sloped natural looking breasts. At this point I'm ok with it if you just lie to me and tell me what I want to hear haha! :) my hubby says I worry more than any person he's ever met. And i obsess over it, and it consumes me, and the next thing I know it's 3 am and I'm still looking at pictures of boobs on RealSelf. Help! Hahahaha