Not looking back!

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I have been lurking on this site since about May...

I have been lurking on this site since about May of this year. I was so delighted to stumble upon it! It has kept me up long hours in the night countless times, I will admit. It has opened up a world to me that would have been pretty inaccessible otherwise. I don't know very many people who have had cosmetic surgery other than my mother who got breast implants in the early 90s. I wasn't really ready to put myself out there quite yet--but with surgery in less than two weeks I needed to share/document what is going on in a less isolated manner because other than my mother, not many people in my life support me in this decision.

Like mostly everyone on here, I became aware of my larger nose around puberty. I distinctly remember sitting in class in middle school and high school turning my head away from people I had a crush on (among others) in fear they would see my profile and think I am ugly. I wish I could comfort that little girl now, how silly it was (I am MUCH more accepting of myself now). But at that age feeling accepted and pretty was very important at that time.

I never really obsessed over my nose. I actually avoided looking at it and just tried to focus on other features (it wasn't difficult as my profile is what I don't like most and who even sees that (other than photos, which I just avoided)). I use to wear a lot more make up to play up my eyes and lips to distract attention from my nose. But as I get older (I am 26 now), I enjoy wearing less make up and know I would feel a lot more confident with my naked face if my nose was a bit more in proportion to other features. Not to mention I still experience minor break outs and other skin imperfections (scars, unevenness, etc.) and in the process of using somewhat harsh prescription creams (which I will be using for probably many months to a year or more), I want my skin to be as natural and not irritated as possible (by not wearing make-up). Of course this is not my main reason for a rhinoplasty.

My reasoning…I just never liked my nose and can't change it through dieting and exercise. I have tolerated it, we've coexisted. I even got the thing pierced when I was 19. But throughout the years, I always swayed and landed in the "someday I HAVE to change this" pile. It's my dad's nose and I am not close with him/have little family pride in that regard. My nose also has the predisposition to become more and more droopy and larger with age (just looking at my parents I can see my aged nose).

A lot of the reason I chose to do it now is because I want to prevent my nose from further drooping and getting even more out of proportion with my aging face. The sooner the better because I can enjoy more of my life with a nose I am happier with. And I saved for a long time and do not have kids and am not married yet so spending the money more selfishly is okay by me. I just don't have the financial responsibilities I will with a family.

One thing I have struggled with most during this whole process is justifying it. I have always took care of myself (exercised, put fourth some effort to look my best), but never would consider myself excessively vain or superficial. To spend such an absurd amount for what many consider a minor enhancement, has made me question my values and morals. When I do have children, what do I tell them? "Do as I say, not what I do?" NO! How can I teach them to accept themselves the way they are when I can't do that myself? I have juggled anxiety and and depression for more than a decade and I fear that "giving in" to the "easy way out" (changing myself from the outside in, not the other way around) may make me feel disappointed in myself and contribute to my depression.

My boyfriend certainly does not help. He has said getting this procedure will impact our relationship in a very negative way. He will lose respect for me. He is a really nice, loving person, just very stern with his standards when it comes to vanity and being "fake." He always tells me he prefers me without make up. Weird, I know! Haha. He just values genuine and does not believe this surgery will make me feel better about myself. He said me wanting this is like me wanting to get my legs cut off, it feels as though I am taking something very fundamental away from my appearance.

I probably should have started writing sooner, as I haven't even gotten to my actual experience with consultations and what brought me up to this point with surgery in less than two weeks. I'll save it for another day!

But for now, I'd just like to know how others have coped with lack of support and maybe how they felt after surgery regarding depression and if their self esteem really improved. How mothers dealt with telling their children, especially if they were around puberty or in their teens. How their self-respect changed (if they were similar to me as in not investing a drastic amount of time and effort into their appearance).

In addition, I hope I can help others during this journey. Although I have a very minor hump, I am more concerned about the tip of my nose and I do not see a lot of people with a similar nose to mine on here. Maybe they are here and buried or don't post pictures because the alteration isn't as extreme as going from hump to no hump. Maybe people with noses like mine don't get nose jobs. Am I being petty? AM I CRAZY? I only told four people about it and my two closest friends don't understand why I want it done. It surprised me that they didn't notice. Can anyone say I WOULD benefit from a rhinoplasty? Even though saying it's not necessary is NICE, I need to know that it won't be a waste…because I do want it and want to hear, "I guess I could see how it could be improved…" Either way, I hope I can help others in need of support or knowing how the results will be with my particular nose.

The Beginning

When I started looking at surgeons in May, I lived in Michigan. The only doctor that appealed to me was Dr. Theodore Golden in Troy, MI. I set up a consultation but ended up moving to the pacific northwest and so I had to cancel. Looking back, he does very cute, "perfect" noses but every patient had the same nose. On his website, he had a picture of a mother and daughter with splints on their noses. That image didn't appeal to me. I guess in context it looks more natural that the mother and daughter had the same nose! After noticing all the noses he did were the same, thought this was good in the beginning stages of my research. At least he is predictable! He only did closed rhinos and I thought that was better because it was less invasive. And I thought, he must be good because he can do it basically without seeing what he is doing. But it turns out, it obviously really limited him from doing a variety of noses and making the noses really compliment other features on the face. So it's probably best that didn't work out. Reviews online sounded good and I do wish I could have at least met him but it wasn't meant to be I guess.

After I Relocated...

My first actual consult was three hours away from where I moved to the west coast. Dr. Naficy in Bellevue. I didn't actually meet him, but a patient care coordinator (I think that was the title), because it was free. Since that was my first consult, I didn't want to say goodbye to any money quite yet. Plus it was all new territory (literally and otherwise) and quite honestly, very weird and nerve-racking for me. The staff was really great – especially the patient coordinator Julie, who I met with. She was really approachable and kind. It was a successful first consult. I had like, three pages of questions I thought up and got some from online and she answered almost all of them (some only the surgeon could answer). Because I had drove all that way, she went ahead and took pictures for the doctor to make simulations from. Because I hadn’t went to any other offices, I wasn’t really able to put this first appointment in perspective. But then…
My second (free) consult was later that day with Dr. Ridgway at The Larrabee Center. As with the first office did, I felt generally uncomfortable walking in, feeling judged by anyone who happened to be in the same building, the flies on the wall, the plants. I felt just so out of place amongst the people in the waiting room. I feel like I spent a lot of time at his office, he was very talkative and added a lot of unnecessary information when answering the questions I was asking. But he had an air of arrogance to him I was not fond of. It wasn't mere confidence, but just....he tried too hard to make me believe in him which made me wonder, what is he trying to compensate for? There was that and then when I asked him to show me past patients before and afters, he got kind of weird about it and said yeah...but then when he went to go fetch it, he came back and said he didn't have one or something. Honestly, I don't remember it very clearly but he did/ said something weird and he left the room to get it and then told me I couldn't look at it due to his duty to "protect the privacy" of patients. So I kindly thanked him for his time and went on my way.
My boyfriend was with me for both consults. He was pretty quiet the first one, and the second one he asked questions. I liked this, like he was getting involved in it. But afterwards, he said going to the consults made him even more against it. We fought a lot on the drive home and I broke down crying. And he thought that was the end of that! Ha! Little did he know...
A week or so later I got the simulations from Dr Naficy's office and it was so bizarre seeing a different nose on my face. I have never manipulated my own photos or it was the first time seeing any possibility of noses. It looked nice but I wasn't sure it was quite right--especially the front view. It seemed unnatural looking and just...forced? I e-mailed the patient coordinator my questions, she forwarded it to the doctor and he replied a short response and concluded for further discussion, I'd have to schedule a consultation with him. Shucks! I really wanted to put-off paying anything! But after thinking about it every day, losing sleep, really not letting go, I decided I'd drop the $75 for a consultation with him (which could go towards surgery).
A month or two later, I made a consultation with Dr. Naficy. When it finally approached, I was having a hard time finding the time to drive to his office (6+ hours total driving there and back), so I changed it to a phone consultation. I felt like there was so much hype about him, talking to people in his office, e-mails the wonderful but intoxicating finally hear his voice was so relieving. He was nice, answered my questions but it got kind of awkward toward the end. I didn't blame him, as I am generally a pretty awkward person. So he didn't lose my faith despite a little mutual uncertainty how to smoothly close a phone conversation. So...err...uhhh...bye now! Haha.
I told the patient coordinator I was talking to that I'd like to talk to past patients. She quickly put me in touch with a girl (I found out was) my age, had my values, my lifestlye and we spoke on the phone and texted. After this conversation, I was so ready to make my pre-op appointment and surgery date! I just needed a dash of support since it was lacking it in the boyfriend area! At this point I hadn’t told my mom that I was going to do it for sure.
I would say I am kinda a very thorough person. Just wanted to admit that.
So last week was my pre-op and it was very formal. Talked paperwork, how to prepare, expectations, etc. And I finally met the surgeon in person! It went well...we talked about my expectations, his. But it was a lot to take in. In a relatively short time (three months) I had my first consultation ever and am scheduled for surgery. I, inevitably, am a bit shocked. Waiting isn't ideal because I hadn't found (okay, looked for) a job in my new area yet and have had a long enough time to be idle and make myself crazy! Once I am back on my feet, resumes will be flying. I just knew I wanted this and didn't want to start a new job and ask for a week off for voluntary surgery.
Okay, now that we have excuses out of the way, back to the first time meeting my doctor. He asked me what my priorities were as far as things I'd like changed. After my first complaint (tip projection), it's not easy to really articulate things in accurate order...anyway, I didn't feel satisfied we were on the same page. I realized later I want to hear it from him what I want. He is a good listener but I want to know what he envisions for my nose, which is only capable of so much.
Today I talked to a staff member and she read the notes he wrote during our meeting. They were spot on, but I still would like to have better visuals…..I guess I am still worried about my front view. I am sure it will look normal/adequate but I just don’t want to feel this cloudy sensation.
Last weekend with my nose! I can’t believe this is happening. Any time my boyfriend brings it up there is major tension. We basically just avoid talking about it. I just worry once it’s over and I have a splint on my face and super uncomfortable, he may treat me poorly and unaccommodating telling me, “You did this to yourself, IT WAS A CHOICE!” I can hear him now… ugh. I’ll probably write updates frequently and pretend you all are my wonderful boyfriend listening to my complaint and feelings. Thanks in advance!

Night Before

I am sitting in a hotel by the office I'll be checking in to tomorrow morning. I a. So nervous, I can't help wonder what I got myself into. How huge it is after tomorrow, I'll never be the same again. Yikes!


I meant...
I am so nervous.
I think I meant...
What a big deal it is, tomorrow, I'll never be the same...

A normal girl in a......material world?

Foreword: Last night I took an anti-anxiety pill. I knew I was NOT going to sleep, and I wanted to be awake and coherent the following morning (today). It helped me relax and I enjoyed adultswim (yay for hotel tvs...I don't own one) more than I might have otherwise, but it also helped me not write very easily. I have not taken one since, so I may not need corrections! Or as many.


As with many, be forewarned the updates will be laced with absurdity and mistakes, as I am taking my prescriptions as recommended. I feel alarmingly normal, and took my pain meds longer apart than I was supposed to....I am very curious how I will feel in the coming days. I've had surgery before so I know it's important to take them as recommended....and I am probably still numb from the surgery today.

They all told me I'd sleep on the drive home. Four hours of talking to my boyfriend about anything I could think of, more like! And I am NOT a talker, just a writer. Anyway I will be more encouraging of sleep in a little while. For now I wanted to provide a report for the day! Since there are so many sweet people out there actually reading this.

Got to the office at 9:30am. Took a pregnancy test. NOT PREGNANT :) !!! Talked to a few people, then waited more than an hour...honestly I didn't have any way to tell time but I now the surgeon was still in surgery so it WAS a while. I read everything in that room. All the trashy US Weekly magazines, the "thank you" scrapbooks, even all the brochures about how to look young. Let's just say I have the same minimal/casual interest in celebrities, am curious where the nasty "no thanks" letters are located, even in space (digital bits), and know too much about the impact aging has on the face in regarding bone loss and separation of fat. Enough of that.

I wanted to cry little, I waited a long time in a hospital gown and sweaty robe and my boyfriend was not far, but not with me, either. I would have liked him in the room with me. I thought about how this was probably a mistake, but I have committed too far! That I may love it down the road but still acknowledge the lack of necessity of it. OH WELL! This whole process has made me accept the nose I was given. Especially taking to people, friends, family, strangers...I realized how the aesthetic sensitivity and nose tolerance varies dramatically from person to person. That it was not as cumbersome of a feature as I had thought. Still, given the right circumstances...I might have backed out because the whole process made a lot of emotions surface. questioning things. But I wanted it and my heart was made up and I had too many visions of fixing it so it was basically done already!!! Does that make sense? IN my head, I had already had a rhinoplasty.

I am not going to say the staff was wonderful because that's boring! I am not entitled, but they did do everything they were supposed to. Having worked in customer service before, some minor enhancements could have been made. But it is clear they have their stuff together and run a good show! However, the anesthesiologists were fantastic as far as what they did. Unlike the importance of being asked how I am by a receptionist or having my anxiety tended to, anesthesiologists can REALLY make or break this experience. The rhinoplasty itself was not horrifically pricey, but the anesthesiologists cost alone almost 1/5 of the total procedure. But needles to say (haha), they are worth it. They made me feel like I was about to get a facial (even before IV) and then (after IV) started doing interpretive dances on a train and invited me in. Once I was on the train we moved at a comfortable pace into a tunnel within a mountain and I woke up in the recovery room. What a trick! It was JUST LIKE THAT. And my rest was so rejuvenating like I said, I couldn't sleep on the drive home. I just wanted to pogo-stick my introverted self into a block party.

So, I am doing well. No sickness,changed my stache (no packing), even though it was not saturated. I just wanted to see...I have iced my eyes a little, blah blah blah. I got a few things in advance, they required minimal supplies. Like Vaseline and Straws. They didn't explain why but I am a huge advocate in believing the awesome power of the body and its ability to heal. Let it do its thing...just tell it how much you love and appreciate it! I did buy a neck pillow at glad I did. Everyone was right....a heaven-sent. Especially in the car. On the ride up. To my surgery! Seriously, I cannot believe I traveled overseas without it. Its amazing....I could gush more but do you guys care, really...

I saw the surgeon right before going into the 2+ hour dark tunnel ride, and briefly afterwards. I didn't feel like I had all the time in the world with him an it caused me to forget to ask some questions. Like, can it be recorded? If not, can you take a picture before you sew me up? Gross, sure, but I like anatomy--real anatomy not book drawings.

Like I've mentioned before, boyfriend totally not into this. He was a doll and drove me there...gasp! And back of course. He is taking pretty good care of me so rest assured :) He kissed my nose goodbye and I said maybe the surgeon can keep the extra tissue to put in a vile or jar for him. I was kidding and even grossed him out ad produced laughter but the humor decreased the tension of the topic. Humor is necessary for life.... like, don't take things seriously, especially noses. Ha, yeah right! Joke about anything but my nose! Anything but the nose. And ______ and _______ and _______ ! JK.

No much else to report. Today is good. Day of surgery. I am going to try to ice and stay elevated. I am worried about swelling and bruising because I have social obligations next week and I haven't owned concealer my whole life. And I m stubborn. I am the if you stay in your PJs past noon or so, why even bother kind of girl. Okay fine, I used to be. Until I started leaving the house every day! ......

I just gotta say, thanks everyone for their support and kindness. I don't know what I'd do without this you all. Maybe not get it done and still be tilting my head up in pictures or avoiding it entirely. Because I wouldn't even had started the process to realize my nose is not as crazy as I thought without reading on here. Oh, inspiration!

Four Days Until Splint Removal!

Well this isn't fun! Not severely painful but uncomfortable for sure. I would sacrifice a lot if it meant I could blow my nose. I haven't been taking much pain relievers. I still am changing out the gauze because there is a clear mixture with a hint off blood being discharged. Is this normal? I thought nasal secretions woulds have halted after 24 hours. Well, I think I am doing everything I am supposed to.

Other than just being really hungry, cranky from not flossing and somewhat constantly thirsty, I am doing all right. Cannot wait to nose looks so swollen, I fear it will get worse after the splint is removed!

Correction for ''Normal Girl...'' Update

The Anesthesia didn't cost a fifth of the total procedure. The anesthesia services and facility fees did. Just a minor update!

Tomorrow is my Last Full Day with Splint!

Not much super notable things to mention. I misunderstood the post op care and was cleaning my nostrils with hydrogen peroxide every time I reapplied ointment. It wasn't specific in the hand out they gave me. But then I read another hand out that was given to me along with a stack of other papers a few weeks ago at my pre op. It stated there only use hydrogen peroxide the first two days. Being an avid pierced/tattooed person, I was told during healing several times that hydrogen peroxide doesn't promote healing and could cause scarring. So I am worried I did a bad thing to my nose! The incision between my nostrils is very hard and raised. Was this normal for everyone else? The skin between my nostrils feels like-- not human like. Probably because it’s numb but it’s just so hard and....not a part of me feeling. So that's one thing!

I still am wearing my stache every night as my nose leaks just a little. Not straight up blood, but like, yellow orange stuff. Not much at all, but enough to where I don't want that crusty citrine colored sticky lip gloss in the morning.

Something good to report is the past two days I have noticed a huge improvement in my ability to breathe out of my nose. It's not perfect but I feel like I am talking more normal (not stuffy) and catch myself waking up in the morning breathing out of my nose instead of my mouth. It's so invigorating!!! But then my boyfriend took a shower today and left the door open and the smell of (my) fruity body wash bolted up my nostrils and it was making me want to run outside. The smell was so strong and felt like it was irritating the inside of my nose. Is this a temporary sensitivity? My septum was ever so slightly deviated so I don't think that is the issue--being able to breathe better now. Also side note--I have been using one squirt of some nasal spray they gave me. They said it can be "habit forming" and to limit use. So I didn't use it at all. But then when I started right before bed I felt a ton better so the past two or three days I have been using it. Do I need to seek rehab?

Another good thing is that on day 2 or 3 I had some swelling around my eyes but the only bruising I have experienced is a slight yellowness underneath my eyes. Super minimal. I look sickly, sure, but its an easy fix with basic foundation. Yay.

I feel like my boyfriend avoids looking at me...reminding you all he never supported me from the beginning. Makes me feel even uglier as I do already in this recovery stage. We have interacted so little during this. No cuddling, no kissing... it's just been really lonely. But for some reason, maybe because I am feeling better physically, I kept making jokes today. Only a handful maybe was actually funny, but I made it a habit to not take myself seriously so I consequently laugh at my own jokes. I thought I'd have the self-control not to laugh. But I couldn't help it. It hurt so bad...all the stretching. Yawning has slowly became less tight but smiling I was still in the amateur stage. Regardless, I kept laughing and smiling and groaning and trying to think of hurtful things people have said to me to make me stop smiling. Unsuccessful. By the way, drug free for like two or three days! Took Tylenol yesterday but nothing today. Well, my evil boyfriend realized me laughing was painful so he cranked out the jokes and made me laugh even more today...I had to leave the room countless times. I guess that is his sick way of payback. But just wondering...I know smiling and stuff should be avoided but will it hurt my nose. Like stretch the incision areas inside? Ahh..

I am sure this is normal...but when looking inside my nose, it's not clear. The sides are like, swollen so the actual canal is very small. This is temporary, right? The walls will become thinner, yeah? I just worry I may have created unnecessary scar tissue by using hydrogen peroxide. Maybe I am being paranoid, someone please tell me I am wrong!

Is it a general rule across the board that even with the splint on, our noses are super swollen? I hear about people saying how their nose swelled up after the splint/cast being removed. I am scared for my nose to explode. It already looks terribly swollen. It was expected, but still shocking to see how upturned it is. But I am getting used to it and hope it doesn't drop too much. I wonder if my surgeon is going to have me massage or tape it afterwards....

The previous questions I asked in my post. I have a tendency to not want to feel like a burden on anyone. So last week, I did get a call from a nurse the day after my surgery checking up on me. Her voicemail said some stuff but didn't really call for a call-back. I didn't call back. But during the weekend, I started coming up with more concerns. I had myself wait until Monday because I didn't want to bother the staff on the weekend. Well today I call and realize their office is closed because of Labor Day! So because I had been waiting a few days already, and reminded myself how much I paid for all this (quite a bit more than what is average for the area) I called two of the nurses. No answer. I called the doctor last, and left him a voicemail. He never returned my call. I intentionally left him a voicemail and not the nurses because I guess I am testing the water. I don't feel like I have interacted with him much even though he changed what I will see in the mirror for the rest of my life. He is kind of like, in this castle with a moat around it. Not really attainable. I write the office an email asking to talk to him and get a call back from a nurse answering it. It really did bug me before my procedure I wasn’t able to talk to him directly on the phone to listen from his mouth what he intended on doing to my nose.

I feel like because our time together was so limited, that I didn't get to tell him everything I wanted to about my nose. Small things that bothered me, questions unanswered….everything happened so fast and I didn't get enough time to really process everything. I read the peoples reviews on here and they are so specific about what they don’t like…so many of them having noses (BEFORE and after) I’d be thrilled to have. Anyway, all I really complained about was the excess on the tip from the profile view and front view, the width at the bottom. The way my nose is very triangular. But because he ended up not narrowing by cutting along with alars, I wonder if he did anything to address that issue. I just feel so disconnected. And silly to call the office tomorrow when I have my post op appt. the following day. OH WELL! I am still going to call. If they are annoyed by it, I will try not to let that bother me. I just had a procedure that changed the way I look! I have a lot of concerns floating around that COULD wait, but I rather not. I want answers now so when I do see them and maybe see the doctor for like, five minutes if I even see him….I can ask other questions I thought up after having answers for my previous ones. Totally venting, Thanks.

I have been taking a lot of photos but they probably look basically the same....I look miserable and sick and worried how big my nose is. I'll post some after the cast is removed! I am totally going to make up the s out of my face and then black my eyes out with Photoshop! Because I am silly like that.

I am bored and uploading new photos!

My splint is coming off tomorrow. I debated deleting all my photos like, within a month. But going through this process...especially the first week of recovery, peoples photos helped me a lot so I am just going to repost more "privacy nurturing" photos. But here is an array of recent photos of my nose. Enjoy?...


The first dreaded week of recovery

All in sequence. Minimal swelling and bruising thankfully.

SPLINT OFF! How unreal.

I cannot explain the degree of fatigue I am experiencing but had to update on this day I awaited so impatiently! Okay, pretty patiently but not by choice. I have a LOT to say as usual and hopefully I will remember it all tomorrow. But for now, in my low-resolution photos from my phone (no iPhone for this girl), it is apparent that my new nose is swollen as expected but retained a lot of the natural shape (I'll discuss how I feel about THAT tomorrow!).

What Have I Done? (I kinda like it)

I am having so many emotions that it is difficult to sort them all out after this highly anticipated thing we call splint removal!

After my splint was removed, my nose was as expected, very swollen. It had the similar shape as before that I was not fond of, but the elevated tip made such a difference in the aesthetic appeal. Even though my nose is still not an ideal size (all around too big!), I could still tell that it is different than what it was but in the same breath, holds many characteristics of my previous nose. Profile is more, what's the word…intentional looking? Whereas before when my nose profile line was being drawn be someone who was was distracted by a bird and looked away a few times, especially towards the tip. It's smooth and graceful now. I can even see a little bit of the bump on the bridge I asked to keep! Because after having a "distinct/distinguished" nose, I have a freckle of pride in my imperfect nose. Perfect is boring and even though paying an obscene amount to change my nose, I didn't think a perfect nose was worth it. I wanted a nose that was perfectly me. Flawed but fitting! That's what I am paying for.

Anyway, my surgeon showed me how to tape my nose (which I will be doing at night for the next month!) and yadda yadda ya. I left his office with such a feeling of….renewal and confusion. I really was excited for this nose that will eventually reveal itself to me. I could not help but think how this voluntary experience will affect me for the rest of my life. Yeah, I got all philosophical for the ride home! I have so much to say about the psychological effects but that's still brewing and may share in more detail at a later date.

As for my doctor, I cannot help but consider he may be a mastermind of sorts. I really have a hard time describing his existence and role he has played in my life. I read so many "all hail Naficy" things about him online that my interactions with with him were inevitably unimpressive. Not disappointed but more nonchalant, like, this is it? I feel like we had such small exchanges that I really felt like I was taking a leap as far as how he is going to create results that I am satisfied with. Did he even know what I wanted? I didn't show pictures. I didn't express with specific confidence on how much I hated this or that (other than tip area….GO AWAY! Or, BE BETTER!). I didn't even particularly love my morphs and straight up disapproved of the frontal view. I wouldn't call myself a pessimist but I wouldn't rule out that as a description for myself either. Undergoing surgery was a leap. I honestly did not know what he was going to do with my nose EXACTLY (other than using words, which do nothing for a visual thinker) but trusted his aesthetic and craft and could cry as I explain that I am very pleased with what he did. Even just a day after the removal of my splint! With the tape on! I don't know how he did it. It's like he read my mind…read a part of it that I didn't even have direct access to. Like he is some sort of subconscious mind nose reader. I knew there were things about my nose I didn't like or consider changing...I just knew what I hated the most. The tip.

Today was my first shower without anything on my nose. As I got out and looked in the mirror, I did have a sense of….who is this? After surgery, I immediately forgot what this thing that was on my face for 26 years looked like. But, I had all this crap on my face before so I didn't know what whatever underneath looked like, either. But now…with no obstruction. I could see it. In all it's.....awkward glory. And it looked weird. I didn't look exactly like myself. My boyfriend looked at me for longer than he usually has been and just turned away, almost in disgust. He knows. He knows I don't look like myself or as he says, "the girl he fell in love with." Well I remind him he didn't fall in love with a nose! Theres more to me than an imperfect nose yuh superficial boy! ;)

It is swollen and middle-heavy on the y-axis and the tip is like HELLO I DEMAND YOUR ATTENTION. But like everyone else says, going in public isn't a big deal because I don't look like a "freak" to those who don't know me. Or have had minimal interactions with. However, I have not seen anyone other than my boyfriend who has seen me a lot. And I am very nervous. They may not know why I look different, but I look a little "off," and hopefully in time will look "on" as heck!

But even just today….sans tape and walking about. I feel different about myself. Like….I don't know how to put it into words but it's like I feel "normal." In a weird way, I feel like I was rid of my deformity (so dramatic it makes me sick just writing it). Even though my skin hates me for the neglect of this past week, I just feel like I can walk around with my chin held higher and more readily say, this is me and I am proud of it. I didn't realize what a stinkin' nose could do to a girls self-esteem…well, I had as a teen but I thought I shed that weight. It turns out I hadn't, just stuffed it in a closet somewhere. But I definitely feel more accepting of my physical appearance, even with this swollen thing on my face. What non-tangible hatred I had stored in my nose...didn't realize the extent until it was remodeled.

Again, like I said. I have a lot more to say. This is a very interesting psychological experiment. It impacts so many things, including sense of identity. Who's nose is this? Dr. Naficy's. He is not my father of course, but in a sense a "sperm donor" by hand and knife and well, it is an odd lake of emotions to paddle through.

I feel like this is turning into a blog more so than a review so I am going to think up a short paragraph to describe my doctor and try to revert to my journal from here on out. I'll give you all a "bottom line" or "in conclusion" or SUMMARY of this whole experience so far. And bid you all farewell! Soon!

My Actual Swollen Nose

Here are photos of my poor swollen nose. I look like I feel normal but I feel anything but. Can't wait to feel healthy and normal-nosed again. So far, happy. It looks big but I know this is something that will change with time. I can see a little bit of a bump on the bridge that I requested to stay. He did shave a little of my bump but didn't get too carried away. Still using my phone to take all my photos and after cropping the resolution is bad, I know. My apologies! But I am still going to be using my phone....and cropping :)

A Month Later...

After having to only "minimally" tend to my nose for the past three or so weeks (constant Vaseline stuffing, q-tips on hand at all times, taping every night and scrubbing the adhesive off my nose every morning), I haven't felt compelled to do many updates. I mean, although I have to remember to bring my nose gear when I leave the house, I feel like my life can be lived relatively normally, which contrasts greatly with the week or so following surgery.

My nose feels like it looks just about the same as it did since my splint came off three weeks ago. I am sure it has changed…but still hoping the swelling goes down tremendously in the next few months. I know it takes 12-18 months for it to almost completely dissipate, but I know the bulk of it will go down in the first six months…at least that is the impression I am under. A lot of the swelling is in my tip and along the sides of my tip. Its numb but sometimes itchy. But I can definitely notice how more flexible my nose is over the past month. It feels like it is more integrated with my face and feeling more "normal." Yay!!!

Enough with the boring stuff, I still am very glad I did this. Haven't regretted it for a second after surgery. I am very happy with the results. There are some minor complaints, but stuff I will wait to pass judgement until a year or so from now. I do know that my surgeon did a top-of-the line job and respect him as far as how he carries out his profession. Especially with the work on my tip, which is the most difficult to do and why I chose him (very high level of skill and experience). I haven't taken many pictures except ones that displays my nose (front, side one, side two, underneath). But I'll upload some from my cell and maybe to a before and after. I think that will make me happy to see side by side as well (assuming it will make you happy..?)

I haven't told any more people than I did before I did this (four total), and so far no one has said anything. I am not sure if I mentioned this before in an update….

BUT IMMEDIATELY AFTER GETTING MY NOSE ENHANCED, AND GOING OUT IN PUBLIC--I NOTICED PEOPLE TREAT ME DIFFERENTLY. THEY ARE MORE KIND!!!!! And NOT for a second I thought it was because my nose was more appealing!!! It was in the way that I carried myself immediately. I may have mentioned this before but I just can't get over it. I am so much more willing to be myself. Look people in the eye, smile. I have not a care in the world and in return, people mirror myself. They are happier, more friendly, willing to make conversation. I had no idea my nose got in the way of this because honestly I didn't dwell over it like I might have in my teens. But it really got in the way of me being proud to be myself. I didn't notice the weight it had on me as a whole person until it was alleviated. Isn't that amazing? I think so.

I am probably forgetting to say a bunch of stuff I wanted to say when I did make an update but oh well! Mostly people look at the photos and not read the reviews in full so….! Bottom line: Happy rhinoplasty recipient over here.

Took some photos today. Not sure if my photo strip is too long...we shall see!!!

It was too long.

Much better...

So these are the photos I took today. Progress of swelling is minimal. But I just like to post once a month (for now) to monitor the changes and join forces with everyone else in this patience please phase.

(ONLY?!) Three months

I haven't updated in a while and I have my second post op appointment at the end of the month (very excited--after photos YAY), so figured I'd share my thoughts being three months post op.

The photos I posted are from the past few days. I don't take a lot of 3/4 views because my nose is just absolutely superb in those shots. There's no fun if I can't fuss about it! Ha! I am not one to take selfies and send them to people so all my selfies are to confirm how much I enjoy my nose.

So of course, still looking a bit swollen from the front. But I feel like photos emphasize this and straight on is a very unusual view of a person so it doesn't bother me. I am only at 3 months…and from what I've seen from others, this chunkiness seems to dissipate slowly but surly in time.

My left side is still my favorite side. Profile seems less protruding from that side.

My nostrils are still asymmetrical. It bothers me a little. Not enough to get a revision and that's crazy talk at this point…gotta wait at least a year before I am making those calls. Hopefully it is just swelling but I do not like how my left is like pointy up and my right is like point sideways. I'd prefer to have both like my left. Pointy up. But only time will tell! Overall my right side has just been a pest.

Which brings me to probably my biggest complaint as far as the outcome. Theres a hard bump that formed on the tip of my nose when I stopped taping (a month post op). It is very hard, not extremely noticeable to the eye but very much to the touch. Some angles and lighting it is visible in photos so it's minor but…. it still bothers me. It has not decreased or anything in two months and I am certainly going to voice this concern again to my surgeon when I see him. I took a couple photos to show the bump on my right side of the tip and a little bump/more jagged part of the bone on my bridge. It's very subtle that one and quite frankly I only noticed it after carefully taking photos to display the bump.

Anyway…feast your eyes (sarcasm)… and be patient.

3 Days Until 4th Month Post-Op

I have a post-op appointment in a week where I will get my official after photos taken and discuss my healing progress, I suppose. I still have minor concerns but know that nothing can be determined concretely or resolved at this point. They include asymmetrical nostrils (not horrendous and probably only noticeable to me), hard bumps on tip of nose, and my incision between nostrils looks kind of double-pointy from the front. Not sue if this is normal or not. Also there is a very small dip or crater on the side of my nose. I know they poke holes to allow drainage and not sure if I just scared poorly from that. I never had a scar like that before and its pretty minor but I am just curious. I am just hoping that I will talk to my surgeon personally during the appointment and he can explain the best he can the reasons for these observations and provide comfort since he was the one who actually got all up in my nose.

I also noticed in the past month I have taken A LOT less photos of myself. Having an improved nose isn't on the forefront of my mind as it was the first couple months. Often times I just forget! There is some tension when I like uh, smash my lips together? Like when you are rubbing in lip balm or lipstick. It's just a little tight under my nose. No big deal though. I never had any issues with my smile after the surgery but if I am talking and smiling a lot, I tend to lick my lips and mash them together and that's when I feel the tension and remember I got a rhinoplasty.

Like many, my skin has become even more oilier since the procedure. Especially in my nose region. I just kind of took it like a champ the first two months telling myself at least my nose shape is improved. But then I got smart and started using this gentle polish, like an exfoliate every day on it and using prescription benzyl peroxide on it every night. IMMEDIATE IMPROVEMENT. Not with the oil per se, but the bumps that were developing (never had bumps on nose prior to surgery-- I am a bumpy forehead kind of girl!) were minimized and at some points completely gone. So yay!

Sadly I feel like I am taking my poor nose for granted. I still gaze at it sometimes and could be better... I don't readily see the improvement with the swelling and it looks the same to me since 1st or 2nd month. Honestly I am looking forward to just having my after photos taken so I can compare the two and feel good about myself. Like I mentioned in previous updates, I only talk to three people that know I got the procedure done. Mom said it looks shorter and nice, other two are indifferent and didn't think I needed it in the first place. So I just need some positive reinforcement sometimes. I can't really expect it from people, but I am expecting it from myself when I see the before and after photos...

I also dyed my hair a bunch shades darker today so um, some before and afters on surgeons sites I noticed in the after photos, the person is all tan and wearing more make-up. As if they really embodied having higher self-esteem or what not....I didn't want a visible change in my physical self other than nose. But come roots were grown out six or more inches. Anyway whatever I'll stick to topic at hand: nose.

I did visit a relative recently that has known me since I was 12 and she didn't notice anything. I did wear like the most outrageous cat eye prescription glasses to deter away from it...but she saw me without them a couple times when I was washing my face and stuff. I don't know. It was a relief but also a discouragement, I am sure many understand. Mixed feelings for sure.

Still feel chunky looking from the front (nose---although could always hit up the gym more often). OKay I am really scrapping the bottom of the barrel here.

I'll see about getting my after photos so I can post them-- happy healing and decision making everyone! It's definitely a journey.

"After" photo follow-up (4 mo) coming soon!

So I was kindly asked about my recent follow-up post-op appointment via a message and found myself with smoking finger-tips because it turned out I had a lot to say for myself! I figured I might as well (ha ha) just use it as an update. So, here it goes!

At my follow-up, my surgeon answered my questions (sort of) and took my "after" photos. I asked him to send them to me so I can compare my before's and afters so really feel like this was a good decision (surgery and surgeon choice). It's hard to accurately compare when the circumstances when a photo is taken varies greatly (lighting, angle, etc.). I want those standard blue background photos to give me a peace of mind! Can't blame light or anything!

So, as far as my was like I don't feel like he answered any of them directly (maybe a few...). I had drove 4+ hours to that measly appointment, and was just mostly for the photos. I asked about the bony bump on my right bridge (it was as if he shaved more of my minor nasal hump on my left than right)...his answer was maybe swelling or just because there is more of an indent along my right side (which there was before-- I inspected previous photos) so it makes the bump appear more prominent. My response would be...well why didn't you shave more to account for that! They suggested shaving my hump because refining the tip would make it appear larger...same concept. For the record, I am not as worked-up about it as I may sound. I am happy with the outcome, overall. Just waiting on the swelling to go away and seeing if my complaints disappear along with it will be nice....a year from now.

Another question I had was I can breathe better out of my left nostril more so than right. I can breathe out of both but one is not as beautifully clear. He looked up my nose but basically did not address that. Maybe it is just swelled and healing still...who knows. I know I sound silly for not bringing it up while in his office but honestly our visits go so fast I just try to cram all my questions and so I cannot think straight and I feel pressure so...I don't know. In the past I felt a little pressure by him (time-wise) but this time I think it was all me because I went to my appointment early and he saw me early. I was planning on writing him an e-mail when he sends me my photos (via email). He said my incision was still red but it's okay. I was concerned because from front view there is like a subtle double point. He said that it is better to curve up between those points than curve down--that's more difficult to fix. This was probably the most direct answer I got the entire visit. I notice sometimes my snot is a little stinky...he said bacteria/dryness and to use Vaseline. Another direct answer, yay! As far as the bumps on my tip go, they are irregular and he said that shouldn't be so because he didn't do anything on my tippity tip, all he did was pull my tip inward to eliminate projection, if that makes sense. So what the heck, doc. Why. He did say multiple times it is important to look at the bigger picture. I know my concerns are petty. I don't have a cute little button nose but I did go to him because he sculpts natural noses. The nose I have now is definitely a descendant of my last one...which is fine. Oh, I did bring up my asymmetrical nostrils and he pressed them in (outch) and said yeah...really stiff, meaning there is a lot of swelling in there. So, good. I hope because my entire tip is really stiff, that there is a lot of swelling to go from there and minimize the size. He did say that sometimes after rhinos there is a stiffness that may persist in the tip...well, that's news to me NOW.

My point is...this stinks! I wouldn't say I am comforted. I wore make-up and looked pretty sharp and he was super impressed with my nose saying how it softens all my other features and looks absolutely stunning. It does look good...doesn't everyone look nice with make-up on that's applied correctly/in moderation. But I want to feel pretty without make up and that was my goal from the get go. Straight-on photos make my nose looks pretty horrific (THE TIP!)....but I am not even half way through healing. I think I mentioned in an update that soon as I woke up from anesthesia, I saw him briefly and this is all he said. It is going to be really swollen. Don't expect to see the final until 12-18 months, maybe longer. That's a long time. I have oily skin, I guess it is thick on my nose...which holds on to swelling longer. He said to see him in a year, if I am in the area (because it is a long drive to make a trip just for that)...and I will! Because if my incision is still funky and those darn bumps still there in my tip, I would ask for a hopefully less invasive fix. Ideally closed rhino but I don't even want to think like that right now. Gross.

Overall...just trucking along with a happy nose. I think I forgot to mention in my last update that my ritual every morning and night is a flood my nostrils with saline solution spray and then wipe them out thoroughly with q-tips. I honestly have probably increased the stock price in those things...I have bought so much it is insane. Then every morning in the shower I use the scrub/polish on it after washing my face, and then at night after washing use benzyl. So that is my nose routine! Any one else have their own after rhino nose routines or am I am the only one being all ritualistic about it?

The End. Just kidding! THE BEGINNING!

So, this will be my last update for a while. The changes from here on out will probably be much less drastic. I removed my photos but will leave my simulations and actual before and afters for the time being. Feel free to message me!

I was happy to see the before and after actual photos, but then looking at and comparing with my simulation was a little disappointed that my after profile is not exactly the same (as smooth and small). I think my actual front view is much better in the actual after, so I am thankful for that. But this proves what a mind game it can be! I will have to see after a year to really judge my tip (as it is too ball-y for my preference at this point).

I want to thank everyone for their ongoing support and comments throughout this entire process. I still cannot believe I did such a thing! And then documented it on the internet. I don't think I will ever be a-lister famous, so I am not too worried. But for everyone else, happy educated/informed/confident decisions and successful primaries and secondaries and additionally, patient healing!!!!!!!!! Thank you all and goodnight!

Swelling Galore.

Just thought I'd update really quickly about swelling. I will be 9 months post op at the end of the month and....ta da! Still swollen....I hope. I am not about to upload all my photos again throughout the process but just wanted to show that chunkiness is still persisting with the front view as well as the asymmetrical nostrils. My tip is still very much hard though I can pinch in the sides of my nostrils with relative ease. But sometimes you forget what a normal nose feels like. I find myself pinching and tugging at my boyfriends to compare his natural nose to mine. And his is kinda hard! Mine felt more flimsy before due to its longer/excessive tip... I do have thicker skin and it is oily so...maybe there will be improvement at the 18 months mark. I feel as though my nose has not changed in the past 6 or 7 months. But it is so gradual, it is hard to tell without obsessively comparing photos. I stopped taking "is my nose still there?!" selfies after about a couple months.

So my point of this update is for everyone who may be farther along and feeling alone in their swelling or those who expect a deflated nose much sooner than is realistic for some people. Just hang in there!!! And resist the urge to consider revisions until way longer than what feels comfortable. It can be a very discouraging process with many ups and downs!

This is it. 16 month UPDATE!

There is inevitably a pattern on here where typically, updates become less emotional and not as frequent as the months pass after our operations... I didn't think it would happen to me, I would be obsessed forever! But I did indeed get swept away in life and my nose was not on the forefront of my mind! It'll happen to you too, most cases at least. Fingers crossed!

So my one year post op. appt. was actually in August but I never got around to updating…but I still feel very passionate about this choice, this experience, the impact it has on all of us on a multitude of levels. I still think about my nose, but not through the same lens I did before. The swelling has come down tremendously, but it was a long, winding, bumpy road. I finally felt like swelling was reaching a halt around ten months or later. Though the surgeon said swelling had just about subsided at 12 months, I still feel as though my nose is swollen and it is noticeable still in the morning and at night. Was it always this way, even pre-op.? I don’t remember. Maybe there is still a little swelling but nothing dramatic—probably nothing that can be detected visually. So it pretty much is in its “final form” now.

My breathing is alright, the same or maybe a little less than before. I can breathe out of one nostril better than the other, which was true before but I wasn’t as sensitive to it as I am now because there was no human intervention prior to surgery. No analyzing for flaw a result of my choices.

There is still asymmetry, but it is not as bad as previous months. Nostrils are somewhat different shapes, I still have that lump on the tip, which my surgeon noted was more like a dent that gave an illusion of a lump. The hump was shaven more on one side than the other. Minor things, as my nose looks very, very natural. During my one year post op. appt., the surgeon said my nose is pretty close to as good as it will ever be, maintaining the functionality of it. That was good to hear. He mentioned I could go for a revision, to try to fix the dent by adding cartilage but it would make my nose more wide/larger and also something else could become a problem that wasn’t a problem initially. So, a risk!

Overall, I am much happier with my nose though it I could still complain about it to a select few. I still have only told four people directly, though one snitch said yes when his sister asked if I had my nose done. And then proceeded to drunkenly tell my now (I hadn’t met her prior to surgery) best friend. But it is not a huge part of my identity, I forget I even got it done and don’t really feel part of the “worked on” crowd. The other day, a kid asked me if I had ever broke my nose. My heart kind of sank while I though, maybe the surgeon broke it during the procedure? But promptly told him, “no.” I asked him why, and he said his dad told him that anyone who has a bump on their nose has broken it. Though grossly misinformed, I was still kind of flattered like, the fact that my nose is still very much imperfect, imperfect in the way it was prior to surgery. I looked around the room (I was in a room full of many elementary kids) and was inspecting their noses—they are still very small and undeveloped through you can kind of tell which ones would later evolve into noses that were deemed imperfect in our society—bothering many of them down the road, namely the females. It makes me sad. Though I want to believe there is no reason any one should get it done. I do not regret it despite still never feeling fully at ease with validating the procedure. It is something very few would understand that had no got a cosmetic surgery done themselves.

So all and all—I am content with my decision and about 84% satisfied that I chose the surgeon I did. I know many things could have went wrong, but I was left with a functional, somewhat aesthetically pleasing nose. And an improvement, no doubt.
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