29 Yo, 1 Toddler (19months Old), Still Breastfeeding. Implant Deflation my Only Option... - Bellevue, WA

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I was 24 years old when I made the unthought out decision to get breast implants. At the time my boyfriend and I had been living in Panama together for a few years. I was unhappy. I was lonely, had no job, was dependent on him, no cell phone, no friends. I felt like I had no life of my own. I was lacking something in my life and for whatever reason, became fixated on the idea that breast implants were the answer to my happiness. Of course my boyfriend was against it entirely. But like all things that I really really really want, I finally got him to agree. I spent little time doing much research at all and settled on a surgeon in Seattle that I liked the 'After' photos of his work. Augmentation cost a whopping $7500, so I assumed they would be incredible after surgery. I intended to only end up with a full C cup (originally I was a 34B but never filled out the cups properly.) My surgeon didn't like to discuss Cup size, so their office had me pic out from pictures what I wanted my end result to be. I got what I believe was boobie greed and picked out pics that I thought looked the best. They also happened to be the largest of the pics offered. One thing that I think about when I think back, is that then, I didn't know what those large naked breasts would look like on MY frame, or in a bikini on the beach in front of men, and strangers... or later down the road when I became pregnant. I was just picking the pictures of the breasts I thought looked the best. We ended up agreeing on going with Saline implants, 420cc, under the muscle.
I can skip the whole part about the healing, the pain, the implants riding up by my collar bones, looking obviously implanted for months and months and months, waiting for them to drop, etc etc.
Like i've read other women say, I wish that others had told me (and that I would have listened) to all the negatives to having breast implants. I know that I would've turned a deaf ear to anyone who had anything negative to say about implants. I wanted them so bad! I was fixated on getting them and nothing was going to stop me. The more someone tried to stop me, the more determined I became. There are SO many reasons not to get implants that I didn't know about before. Here are just a few of mine:
I can't lay on my stomach comfortably ever again. Or on my side for that matter. That includes laying on a massage table for a massage. So not relaxing! All you can feel are big silicone balls on your chest. You're always aware of them. ALWAYS! Back when my breasts were small I would only occasionally think to myself, 'I wish I had bigger boobs. Look at her over there, her boobs are big and she's so happy and confident'. And that would be the end of it. I really wasn't boob obsessed at all, which is why I'm not sure why it became so important to me at the time to get them.
That they're implants and always will look and feel like implants.
The inability to ever do pushups like you used to. That muscle is severed and will never be the same again. Or so it feels, years and years later.
That when you flex they go flying out to the sides and look scary. I don't flex in public or at the gym. Baggy gym shirts are the only way I can workout in public because of this. It's called flex distortion and its extremely common.
That unless I want to look like a [RS bleep], I now have to purchase shirts one size too large and no more low cut shirts. Low cut or V neck shirts are a complete joke when you're breasts are DDD!!!
I have yet to find a bikini that doesn't make me look and feel like a stripper. I wear a tank top at the beach now. Post op I couldn't figure out why I looked so awful in a swim top. The VS models all looked great! I then looked in a VS swimsuit issue and immediately realized my mistake. Almost All of those models have tiny boobs. And almost all of them are real, not fake. They just have them so pushed up and together and contoured that I had thought they were fake boobs. When you see fake boobs on the beach, you know it, right away. From a mile away. I felt like I was a beacon announcing my own low self esteem and low self worth. I didn't want to be judged and written off because I have breast implants. When deciding that I had to have them, I only thought that they would be great and fun and perfect and that I would be hot and loved and respected and that everything would be amazing, happily ever after. The end. The unfortunate truth for me was that none of the above happened. Not a single one. But no regrets, right ladies?! You live, and you learn! If we don't learn from our mistakes and turn all the negatives into positive life changes, then what's the point? I have, in just 4 1/2 short years, completely changed who I am as a person. I have grown and blossomed and learned to love myself the way that I am. I don't need fake boobs to project success. In fact, the opposite is true! I feel like these fake '[RS bleep]' (which by the way, I LOATH that word!!!) are what is holding me back in taking the next step in my becoming my own natural, holistic, healthy, educated, earthy momma.

***I began writing this review about a week before my procedure. I kept it open on my laptop with the intention of posting pics, saving the review, and getting back to it pre op to write more. Life with a toddler happened, however. I'm here to finish my review!***

Fast forward to 1 day post op!
I just have to say that I did not think long on whether or not I should explant. I've always always always known for day 1 post op that I wanted them out. I didn't want a LIFT, I didn't want another, smaller IMPLANT, I didn't want another damn SURGERY! Not a one! Not for a cosmetic surgery, not until the day I died. That is how against elective surgery I now am. I dreaded every single day with my implants, I hated them. I felt only that I had to put in a certain amount of time with the implants that I just HAAAAAD to have, that I paid $7,500 for, because if I voiced how much I wanted to get rid of them, I just couldn't live it down. Everyone I know was against me getting them, and i did anyway. I couldn't just deal with the inevitable 'I told you so'. I put in 4 1/2 years with those implants, and something amazing happened during that time. I had a son. I went through a pregnancy, a natural home birth, I struggled more than I could have imagined possible, determined to breast feed my baby. The implants made it almost impossible because my breast were to enormous. I became a lioness after having my son. I call the shots in my own life and I decided what I put into it. Or have taken out, in this situation. I don't even remember how, but about 2 weeks ago I stumbled upon an article, perhaps on this site, that talked about deflation. I had never considered deflation, didn't know it was an option. My heart skipped a beat and I got very excited. I saw my way out. I couldn't stop researching and googling and reading here on RealSelf about others getting this done. I more than anything want these toxic plastic shells OUT of my body once and for all, so that I can truly start to heal and detox and never look back. Unfortunately I am still nursing my son at night, and hubby and I are trying for our second child. Now is not the time to get them out. But without much ado, I looked into a local surgeon, read a good review about Dr. Marosan in Bellevue WA and made my appointment for deflation for 6 days from the date I was corresponding with the office manager. I was nervous and unsure and had lots of apprehension! I hadn't even been thinking about it for long and i was about to just walk in a get my implants deflated! my hubs was dead set against it, and we had a few fights (discussions?) in which I left feeling very angry about how selfish and shallow my husband was being. After 10 years together and a son, why would he care so much that I had big fake boobs? Boobs that he KNEW I hated?! Anyway, I booked the appt anyway and he came around a few days later.
I am now 32 hours post deflation and i could NOT be happier! I look amazing! I feel sexy and confident, and youthful and lean and limber and balanced, haha! I feel 23 again. :) The deflation was quick and painless, if not just a little strange and uncomfortable. My mom was with me and a huge support. Dr decided to leave in 60 CC's in each shell, so that they can drain the rest of the way naturally. I wasn't sure how I felt about that at first, but I really didn't want to walk out of there with withered 90 year old woman boobs, so I was glad that he did that. They looked okay... hard to look at. I looked, whimpered, and put on a sports bra. I didn't want to look at them anymore. but I felt great!
The next morning I did an early mixxedfit (dancing, jumping, arm movements) workout at my gym. I felt good, no pain. I just didn't want to jump too much because it still felt weird. The muscles surprisingly feel totally fine, but there is a lot of excess skin now so I feel jiggly. I'm looking forward to the coming weeks and months as I watch my skin retract and my natural breast tissue go where its supposed to go and fluff. I see major improvement already! I have absolutely NO NO NO NO NO regrets about getting my implants deflated! not at ALL! I didn't even try to hide my little boobs at my gym class, even though I was just there yesterday with huge knockers. Then the next day with little bitties. Haha! No one said a thing though! I even ran in to an old old friend from high school that i had just seen a few weeks before, at fred meyer just hours after getting them deflated. She looked at me and asked, 'did you get lash extensions?' :))))))) Yes I did I said, a few weeks ago!

I'm going to post this (from my Mac) and then log in to add pictures! Hope that works!
Oh yeah, deflation only cost me $250!! What a steal!