52, Face Looks So Miserable and Tired Reflecting Tough Times, Maybe Facelift/lower Lid Lift/botox the Answer? - Belgium

I have a facelift etc booked with the straight-talking Dr Oelbrandt at the Singelberg Clinic, Belgium. I've had one consultation with him (after reading positive reviews of his work on various sites) - I liked him because he wasn't pushy at all, seemed (brutally) honest and suggested alternatives to surgery.

I'm still not 100% sure I'm brave enough to go through with a facelift but I must decide within about 10 days. I've had mixed opinions from friends and family, as expected. Several people saying, "You don't need it!" But I'm getting to hat looking in the mirror! It doesn't look like me anymore.

The reasons I'd like some lifting etc is that over the past year my ageing seems to have speeded up - it was jogging along harmlessly for a while like a fun-run jogger and then suddenly took off like Usain Bolt. I've been through a lot in the past few years, looking after my lovely mother who had dementia and then going through her end of life in September which was traumatising. The grief has deepened my lines, hollowed my eyes and generally sagged everything. The pictures were taken in a light which masks the worst of it, but you can see the jowls, eye hollows, bags and nose to mouth lines (plus the awful gaunt saltcellar neckline! - Dr O said I should put on some weight which would help I know). Yes, my nose could do with some work too, but not a priority at the moment! You can also see the improvement in my DIY facelift - we all do that, right??

So I know there are no guarantees with these procedures. Like shares and house prices - the value could go down as well as up! But I've been thinking about it for a long time. In fact, I've had an issue with my jawline for years - about 20 years ago an artist ex-bf said to me "The top half of your face is a lot better than the bottom half isn't it?" Hm. Talk about giving someone an instant hangup in one second flat! But I do see what he means - unfortunately I was blessed with my dad's lumpy jawline rather than mum's classic smooth one. Thanks dad!

It's said that people who have surgery are vain or shallow. Far from it - I've never had confidence in my looks (ever since my grandma said to me, at about 17 after a radical 70s crop cut "Only pretty girls can wear short hair MonicaApril". Anyone would think I made out I was Kate Moss's double or something!)
And I'm definitely not shallow. I was 42 when my parents fell ill. After 10 years if pretty much putting my life on hold, I'm slowly getting my identity and life back, maybe I'll change my career, do some travelling, get a social life - start living again as my parents would want me to. I need to make up for those lost years. And turning my facial clock back as well, I feel, will help me do that.

I was very clear that I don't want the stretched look and want to look as natural as possible. I was told that it will be tighter at first, and then would relax in time. I hope so. I declined fat transfer, having seen a fair amount of negative press about it on here. I have to say I'm pretty nervous about the nerve damage, it seems to vary greatly and obviously hope I get away with minimal damage. The unknowns are the scary part aren't they.

Anyway, I'll update with a final decision. I'm definitely gonna have some things done, just a question of what. Any constructive opinions very welcome!

All the best to everyone else who's going through this process at the moment or thinking about it - every one of us has valid reasons and I understand how emotional it is and how it's far deeper than skindeep!!

Hi, I expect most of us find that the more reviews and articles we read the more questions pop up. I ambushed my PS with a few today.

Q Is the lower lid lift technique you plan to use the transconjunctival blepharoplasty, as I've read that this carries less risk of skin pulling away from the eye?

A With a transconjunctival bleph, one only can remove fat , not lift.

Q Do you need to calculate some measurements/angles from my features or is that done from photographs? Will there be a more vertical vector re my lift so I don't look too pulled? [I'd been wondering if he did all the calculations beforehand or if he did it instinctively when he opens the patient up on the day!]

A This is done exactly as in the SMAS technique paper by Dan Baker, and is mainly a vertical lift.

Q Approximately how many SMAS facelifts have you carried out?

A 400

Q Because I've read of fat transfer complications such as uneven reabsorption leaving lopsided results and lumps and bumps, I asked if I could instead have Radiesse injected at the same time as the facelift. I'd read that many some surgeons overfill when using your own fat, to compensate for loss of volume when fat gets reabsorbed.

A He said Radiesse can be done at the same time, but prefers to use patient's own fat. He said he hasn't had problems.

This is all mostly reassuring. I hope some of these might help others, I expect to get some comments!

In my questions to my PS above, I forgot to mention the question I asked about my second main worry after looking totally different, and that was nerve damage. His answer was he's very careful. It's impossible to know how I'll be affected in that regard.

I took imagingboomer's advice and took a pic lying down, giving myself the reverse gravity facelift. Reminds me of a line from the fabulous Golden Girls sitcom, where I think it's Dorothy who advises Blanche to "never go on top"! Didn't quite understand what she meant at the time...