Disappointment - CA

So just checking in here. It has been a while since I have updated and much has happened. And although I had thought I had made leaps and bounds with my progress mentally, a horrendous photo has triggered my issues I still have in a major way. I feel more depressed than I ever have, ever. I feel utterly hopeless. I can't afford revision right now, I need rib to even try and I hear plenty of negative things about rib. I am just still so completely and awfully affected by this still. I went quite a long time finally feeling somewhat human.... I was "dealing" with it. But this incident really reawakened the utter despair, humiliation and my dwindling will to "be" anymore. Just wondering how everyone else is out there? Any revision stories? Wishing you all the best.

think it would be a great upgrade to be able to insert photos into our private message exchanges on here? It would be much simpler than disclosing private e-mail addresses, etc. It'd be much nicer tobe able to insert my private before & afters in messages. Hope everyone is enjoying their day! I'm having a nice one today.

Hi everyone, just checking in. I am having an off day, a day that is harder to cope with the choice I made and deep regret/ rejection of "my" own reflection. I say "my" because this just does not look anything like me. There was no payoff whatsoever in this procedure for me. Sorry for the doom & gloom, I know I have good days where I soldier through, but it just is not one of those days, and sometimes I do need to wallow in the sheer misery. It has been 18 months since surgery and I have all of the same initial regrets and more. And of course, a lot of anger. I really don't know if the most successful revision money could buy could pull me out of this. And I mean a realistic "most successful" revision, not some fantasy dream one. The fact of the matter is, I have a very undesirable baseline to work with, and the *one* thing I absolutely cannot stand nor can I live with, can NOT be corrected. So that is why I feel even if we try to "normalize" everything else, it will not be enough for me. It is not fixing the most unnatural part.... so is that worth a $14,000 - $16,000 revision with rib graft and ear graft? I really don't know. I only know there are no promises, that the one promise is the most wretched part to me cannot be remedied, and everything else is a gamble once again. But some days I feel such utter anguish, days when I am not able to keep busy, and such deep remorse and detachment from what I look like now, that I almost out of desperation am willing to give it a go. I hold back because no choice should be made out of desperation. I am praying for a better day soon, but it just is not today.