Bridget* is a 30-year-old woman living in Los Angeles and working as a registered nurse at a women’s health clinic. Three years ago, she got a breast augmentation for aesthetic reasons. She chose a respected board-certified plastic surgeon and got proper medical clearance. After undergoing a dozen surgeries over the next two years, to repair complications from hematomas, she learned she had a rare clotting disorder that didn’t show up on the standard blood panel. Getting breast implants, she says now, is her biggest regret. This is her story, as told to Alix Tunell and edited for length and clarity.
Part of it is probably living in Los Angeles right next to Beverly Hills, but I had been insecure about my breast size since high school and had always wanted a boob job. I had B cups, but they were saggy and I’m 5’9”—I never felt like they fit my frame. After graduating, I got my Bachelor’s in nursing, so I was in a field where a lot of my colleagues had breast augmentations and it was discussed pretty openly.
I did my research on RealSelf, reading reviews and clicking over to board-certified plastic surgeons who were the most responsive and helpful in answering patient questions. I set up three consultations, but ultimately went with a surgeon my coworker recommended. She really loved this doctor, and practically her whole family—her mom, her sisters, her aunt—had gone to him for their breast augmentations. I liked his bedside manner and he was within my price range, so I booked my surgery.
I’ve always been healthy and never had a major injury; this was my first time getting surgery. I did the pre-op medical clearance, and as expected, all my blood work came back normal. In September of 2016, I went in for the procedure and got 350cc silicone implants under the muscle. When I woke up from the anesthesia, I could immediately tell that something was wrong. I was bleeding uncontrollably and my breasts were pulsing, but the nurses and my doctor told me this was to be expected, loaded me up with painkillers and sent me home.
When I went back for my follow-up appointment, a couple days later, my doctor was like, “How are you still bleeding?” I had to go in for emergency surgery. He opened me up again, took the implants out to drain the blood, put them back in, recauterized the area and sent me home. Then the exact same thing happened again: I was still bleeding a few days later, and now my nipple was infected too—so I went in for my third surgery in less than two weeks.
Related: I’ve Had More Than a Dozen Breast Surgeries In 27 Years
After that, things seemed to be healing properly, and I was fine for a couple of weeks. But I must have slept weirdly on my side one night, because when I woke up, I felt a pulsating sensation in my breast again, like it had blown up. Sure enough, I needed a fourth surgery to drain the blood because it wasn’t clotting. This time, my doctor said it wasn’t a complication and charged me around $750. Thank god the bleeding finally stopped after, but months later, I developed grade-four capsular contractures, which is when scar tissue forms around the implant. My breasts were so hard, and I had pain shooting up my arms. I couldn’t hug anyone, and I was so self-conscious and miserable.
A year later, in October 2017, I went back to my doctor for surgery to fix the capsular contracture. (I had purchased a warranty on my implants that covered replacement surgery and new implants in cases of capsular contracture, so that helped.) I’m sure you can guess what happened: I had to go back in three times, due to hematomas and my blood not clotting. I could tell my doctor was sick of me. He wouldn’t answer my calls and was really rude, so I decided I was done with him.
Everything was just so bad at this point—my breasts were still hard, my areola had a really gnarly scar and I soon developed capsular contracture again. In October 2018, I found a reconstructive surgeon who, at $11,000, was really expensive for me, but he made me feel really safe. I let him film my procedure for Instagram Stories, because I thought if I could help just one person with the same issue, it was worth it. He was really thorough, and it was reassuring after the fact that he showed himself sterilizing tools, switching gloves and washing his hands carefully. He did everything perfectly—yet I developed another hematoma. I was sobbing to him, because I just couldn’t believe this kept happening and I didn’t know what was wrong. I needed to go back three times again so he could drain the blood and recauterize the area.
He told me that I must have a bleeding disorder, because he had used an instrument to burn off all the blood vessels inside my breast and washed me 15 times with iodine and I was still bleeding. A medication he put in my IV eventually worked to stop it. Then, a week later, I felt a sharp pain in my armpit, like a needle was jabbing it. I broke out in a sweat and felt like I was going to throw up—I’d never felt pain like it. I called the doctor’s office and was told to come in immediately. A friend drove me, because I was afraid I’d pass out. My doctor couldn’t see or feel anything unusual, but then he pressed on a spot and I screamed out—it was like an electric shock ran through me. He told me a blood clot was touching one of my nerves and he’d need to slowly massage it out. It was almost unbearable, but the clot finally cleared up.
After that, I went to my primary doctor and found out I have this very rare bleeding disorder called factor XI (11) deficiency, which is caused by reduced levels of a clotting protein. It didn’t show up in the regular blood panel I did before my original surgery. I don’t fault my first doctor—he didn’t make a mistake or anything—but I wish he had pushed me to do more sensitive blood work after the complications.
Today, I’m relatively stable. My breasts don’t quite feel real, but at least they don’t look too messed up and they have some movement. I still have chest pain, numbness and tingling down my arms. It hurts to sleep. I have absolutely no sensation in my nipples. Also, my implants are textured—and even though they weren’t the ones that were recalled, I’m going to get them removed soon. If there’s even the slightest chance of getting breast cancer from them, with my luck, I figure I’ll be in the tiny percentage. Another summer or two with these breasts, then they’re coming out.
Related: FDA Requests Recall of Allergan Breast Implants Linked to Cancer
I’ve had around 15 women come up to me this past year and say, “I love your breasts—who did them?” I give my number to them and have this exact conversation, because people need to know that if they develop even one of the complications I’ve had, it’s not worth it. I say, “Don’t do it unless you have $20,000 of disposable income.” I’ve spent $23,000 at this point and taken all my available time off from work just for recovery purposes.
I 100% regret doing this. I’ve done crazy, dangerous things in my life, like hitchhiking and getting into strangers’ cars, and breast implants are what I regret. But the funny thing is, no one could have convinced me not to get them at the time. I thought I was the perfect candidate: a happy feminist making the decision solely for myself, with an education in surgery and great reviews from friends I trusted. Now, when I see a woman with a botched boob job and everyone’s whispering behind her back, I’m like, “You don’t know her life or what she went through.” I’ve been there—and I just hope I can convince others to think twice before making this decision.
*Name has been changed to protect privacy.
