It's 9:30pm the night before my surgery. This is the first surgery I've ever had, and it feels like a big one. It includes liposuction of my abdomen and flanks (belly and waist), an abdominoplasty (tummy tuck), and fat transfer to my buttocks and hips/outer thighs. I like to call this "middle surgery". :)
I scheduled with Dr. Mangubat in Tukwila (Seattle). I chose him because he has a LOT of experience with trans people, and has been the go-to doctor for many years for top surgeries. He does other trans-affirming procedures, but there is little information online and Dr. Mangubat isn't big on before/after pictures. So I'm nervous because I'm not exactly sure what to expect, but I do trust him and he has glowing reviews for all procedures. He also seems to be very knowledgeable, is board certified for cosmetic surgery, and is very involved in teaching and mentoring, including the other most well-known trans surgeon in the area right now, Dr Sajan. He also talked about body surgery as sculpting and he is big into a program called "sculpting for surgeons" that I really liked, as a natural-looking result is very important to me.
The large amount of fat in my belly has always been a huge source of dysphoria for me, since I was maybe 12 or 13. I don't think a lot of people think of middle body fat as gendered, but it is VERY gendered, as people with majority estrogen grow fat in their hips, outer thighs, buttocks, as well as breasts, while testosterone-dominant people grow fat in their abdomen (belly and waist) mostly, and back. Some of this changes when starting HRT in adulthood, but not the majority of fat that's already there. I also have a good amount of extra skin in my belly, since I have gained and lost a lot of fat over and over through my life as I've worked through eating issues - that's what the tummy tuck is for.
My goal is to reduce my body/gender dysphoria, be comfortable or even happy with my body, and help me pass as a cis woman when I need to. I am nonbinary, but reliably passing would help a LOT in many stressful and traumatic situations, especially those outside of my little progressive big city gayborhood bubble. I also would love some gender euphoria, even.
Right now my chest (underbust) and waist are pretty much the same circumference - 38 inches. I'm hoping to reduce the size of my waist and belly a LOT, which I think is very doable with lip and especially the tummy tuck. I hope that it can be shaped in a fem way.
The fat transfer to my buttocks and hips/thighs are the area I'm most worried about. I'm not sure exactly what to expect there for results. This procedure is mostly done to cis women (where a very similar procedure is called a BBL). But, they are pretty much always starting in a place with more fat in these areas already, unless they're very thin (my BMI is 27).
I do want a rounded and more feminine butt and hips, including outer thighs which I also don't think people see as gendered, but they are. I also do NOT want them to be very large by cis woman standards, like a lot of cis women are looking for. I would be very, very happy with typical cis woman proportions there. My hips already have a 41" circumference, larger than my chest, which I don't really understand because my hip and buttocks are pretty flat. We'll see. According to internet, a typical/healthy fem waist/hip ratio is 0.7, so that means if I go up to say 44", my waist would be 30" ideally. I don't know if those are realistic results right now since I didn't talk numbers like this during my consults.
I have also seen transfem body contouring before/after pictures where the results seem minimal. I hope that I can see clear results, but not too dramatic.
Some other hopes -- my tummy tuck scar is low and straight, there are no major complications with the surgery, and my recovery isn't too bad. I've been having bad dreams about major complications (lost limbs etc) and other horrible things happening. Also feeling dread about dying. Yikes.
I have 12 days off my work-at-home job. I bought a BBL mattress from bootybeanbag.com, which is great quality, but jeez the hole in the middle of the air mattress is very uncomfortable even before the surgery. I also have a lovely cat who I'm afraid will puncture it. We'll see how it works post-surgery. The purpose of the hole is that since I am going to have my tummy tuck/lipo healing on my front, and fat transfer to my sides and butt, I won't be able to sleep on a regular mattress on any side. With the hole, that area of my body won't be touching anything.
I don't have anyone to watch over me after the first day. I'm single, I don't have close/accepting family, and I've lost a lot of my friends over the past 1-2 years. I am building a trans community and a few of them have been great at offering help and support. I'm very prepared with ready-to-eat protein-packed food -- protein bars, shakes, trail mix, as well as dried & fresh fruits including pineapple and papaya (both good for healing). I got a lot of other stuff. I'm probably gonna be in this mattress for a while.
These pictures I took 3 days pre-op. You can see the very masc torso I have, especially the belly and lack of hips/butt. I'll plan to follow up soon, but after pictures probably won't be for a while as I heal.
Wish me luck!
Updated on 27 Aug 2020:
Wow, it's done!! I got to Dr Mangubat's office at 7:45 and got vitals taken, photos taken, and marked up by Dr Mangubat. He either REALLY knows what he's doing or is very confident or both. :) He walked through his markings and I could tell he was using his sculpting skills. One example is that I've never heard any other surgeon doing transfem body contouring or BBL's for cis women talk about fat transfer to the outer thighs, which after looking at cis women's body shapes are a very gendered area of fat.
I didn't have anything really to say because he covered everything in the markup. Which was very impressive since I came in with a boatload of questions & asks on what to do in the surgery.
Quick aside, the anesthesiologist was very friendly and charismatic too and seemed very competent! We met before the surgery and I then I don't remember anything after him putting the IV in my arm.
I woke up at about 3pm, a whole 7-8 hours later. No pain, nothing besides stiffness and I was VERY high off the anesthesia. I could walk easily but slowly.
I left pretty quickly after that, with just a couple notes including that I'll be leaking a lot and that my genital area would swell, maybe to the size of a grapefruit. My caretaker and I laughed at that exaggeration. (foreshadowing: IT WAS NOT AN EXAGGERATION! wow!)
I don't remember going home really, got into my BBL mattress pretty quick after a bunch of water (hadn't had water in ~20 hrs except a tiny bit after surgery). Still feeling fine except being goofy and high.
Then it started to hit hard an hour or two later. Massive swelling, massive leaking, some pain but not very much thanks to oxys.
I left in a diaper (like depends) and a few hours after getting home they are SOAKED. I recommend getting TONS of pads to put on wherever you are staying. I had 25 I bought plus a few the office gave me, but I just bought 50 more online to arrive in 2 days.
I got one bottle of pineapple juice and now I am craving wildly. I recommend stocking up! I've never had this craving for pineapple juice, but my body must really want bromelain: All I've had is water, pineapple juice, and protein shakes. Stock up on those, too.
I need to go to the bathroom SO MUCH, I guess because I'm trying to drink so many fluids. But some other surgery fluid is going out too, I can tell from the smell. Get a """female""" urinal like a shewee!! Even if you pee standing up (I don't), you'll likely be unable to aim, since you'll be so swollen. And sitting isn't great for results & pain. I'm soooooo glad I got one.
I attached pictures of my preop markings from Dr Mangubat and my dressing postop. You can see the scrotal sack swelling -- it is 100% scrotum, even tho it's a picture that doesn't look like it. This wasn't the extent of the swelling, it maybe doubled in size from this photo.
Sorry for misspellings & nonsense in this post, I'm still a bit under the influence.
I have a postop appt tomorrow! I'll keep trying to updare.
Updated on 28 Aug 2020:
Quick update, day after surgery -
Last night was rough. I slept about 2 hours and the swelling around the genitals was intense and very uncomfortable throughout the night. It's slightly better today but still bad. The area is completely black with bruising. I had my day-after followup appointment and they said this is completely normal, and could last a week or more. Yikes. Wearing tight underwear helps, but use a thong so it doesn't compress your buttocks.
I can walk around and bend okay, but I am getting exhausted very quickly, and start sweating a lot after 1 minute of standing. So today's a bed day after the appointment.
I'm not hungry but trying to eat as many protein drinks/bars and homemade kale chips (prepped in advance) that I can to help heal.
I had my drain looked at and massaged in my back, and took off my garments for the first time to have a look at my body! It's very swollen all over, but it looks good. Of course with the swelling, my front is not as flat a I hope it will be, but my new hips and buttocks look good overall. There are a couple funny areas like the top of my buttocks looks like a shelf (flat horizontally) and where my hips meet my pelvis it's a bit bumpy, but I'm of course not passing judgment until the swelling's mostly gone. I'm so excited and am happy with the belly gone at the very least. I'm really looking forward to trying on clothes when the swelling's gone.
My next followup is in 3 days, where they say I'll have my drain removed, and I can finally take a shower. I'll probably try some clothes then even though I'll still be swollen.
<3
Updated on 29 Aug 2020:
I had a good 7 hours or so of sleep last night, which is great. I woke up and found the stool softener has been working, which is great. I really recommend some wet toiler wipes. It's tough to reach especially with any pressure. I got "booty wipes" online and they're good.
I set up a couple pillows on top of a couch cushion to raise my legs starting last night. It fixed my genital swelling VERY quickly! That's so fantastic since it was the worst part of my recovery the first 24 hours, and the doctor said it could last like that for a week or two. It's still swollen, but not nearly as bad. I highly recommend raising your legs high, above your heart and head. It gets uncomfortable for long periods of time, but raising them that high at least part of the time has been very helpful. The internet says to keep your legs bent while they're raised, and not to put supports right underneath your knees. Raising your legs helps with circulation and clots too.
I'm getting worried about running out of oxycodone, since the pain when laying down is pretty intolerable when it loses effectiveness in the morning. I'm going to work on rationing them to one at a time instead of two.
The worst pain is in my lower and upper back where there is some bending pressure due to how I am laying. I tried raising my head more yesterday and it was okay but just stressed other areas. I'll keep experimenting today. Unfortunately I have found NO other way to lay or sit while keeping pressure off my fat transfer areas & abdominoplasty sutures. I really don't know what I would do without this BBL mattress and I'm still scared my cat will puncture it, even though I have most of it covered with thick blankets. The doctors said most people after this procedure at their clinic use some pillows to make a makeshift BBL mattress, but that seems really uncomfortable and ineffective. They also said that pressure against the fat transfer areas is painful but won't affect results, which is NOT what everything I've heard on the Internet says. They say their patients usually maintain ~70% of their fat regardless, so who knows. A lot of recovery info on these procedures seems like guessing games, from bromelain and arnica to stem cells in the transferred fat (Dr Mangubat uses these) to how to lay.
Here are some things that have been helpful & not so helpful so far:
HELPFUL-
* Protein shakes and lots of them - my favorite so far are Apres but they are kinda expensive
* Pineapple juice - I like Lakewood brand
* Protein bars - My favorite are Good Snacks brand. Omfg, those are delicious and have pretty good ingredients.
* Kale chips (low salt, homemade)
* Hippeas (chickpea puffs with relatively high protein) - nice to suck on one at a time
* BBL mattress
* Lots of pillows
* Lots of blankets
* Shower curtain (I put underneath the mattress just in case leaking gets thru the pads and blankets, which it probably has)
* Extra diapers - the huge loose FitRight diapers have been fantastic and are very similar to what the clinic provided. It's 10am and I've already had to change mine twice, I'm still leaking so much (but waaaaay less than day one).
* Extra pads - MedPride underpads are great, again similar to what the clinic provided
* Shewee-style "female urinal" - I got one that is entirely enclosed and is flexible, which has been great. It's even been useful when sitting down since my body has been a mess down there.
* Booty wipes
* Laxative/stool softener - I like the Miralax I got, it's supposedly the best ingredient according to cursory research
* A few full water bottles by the bed
* Loong charging cables
* Face wipes (I can't shower yet)
* Massage roller stick (Yansyi brand). I saw this recommended on a BBL youtube video. I don't know if it's good or not for results, but I've been using this to gently massage some areas that I saw weren't very smoothly curved in my day 2 followup when I saw my body. That is the top of my butt transfer and the top of my outer thigh (hip) transfer. I am hoping this helps smooth out the fat or even get a little bit reabsorbed in those areas, but who knows. It at least feels nice. I am not pressing hard at all.
* Little water spray bottle for my cat - someone recommended this to me to get my cat to stop being rough and playing with claws around the mattress. It seems to be helping. I thought it would be mean but my kitty just seems confused and stops playing. Hopefully they are learning to keep claws away from the air mattress.
NOT HELPFUL (yet)-
* Cold compresses
* Cane - haven't needed this once
* BBL pillow with backrest - too tall to use in the car for me, not good at home yet since it still applies some pressure to fat transfer areas. I should have gotten a boppy instead for car rides. The BBL pillow might be nice once I get back to working from home but I'll try to just lay down for a while.
* Portable urine jug - this was a funny thing I got that I saw recommended that allows you to pee in a small jug in bed. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to stand up on my own but that hasn't been a problem at all.
* Grabber pole - I happened to have one of these for another reason, and saw it recommended to pick things up, etc. I only used it once to grab a bag of kale chips. No need to buy one IMO.
* Hard foods - I still don't feel able to eat anything harder than kale chips or sucking on a hippea.
* Nintendo Switch, tablet games - I just can't concentrate long enough for these yet.
Updated on 30 Aug 2020:
Not much new today besides minor recovery progress. Bed day.
I managed to walk around the block today and pick up a package. When I got back I was exhausted, nauseous, and sweaty. I cooked up some vegan chickpea mac and cheez with frozen broccoli and soy curls (high protein & greens, low sodium). It was nice to eat some warm food.
I'm still leaking a little bit, way less than before, and have changed my diaper a couple times. I'm supposed to get the drain taken out tomorrow, I'm not sure what that means if I'm still leaking. I'm looking forward to a shower, which supposedly I can do once the drain is taken out. I really want to stop wearing this foam binder that feels like it's crushing me.
I'm so swollen I still don't have a good idea of what my body will look like. My waist is the same circumference as it was pre-surgery, but that's all swelling, since there's clearly a lot taken out from both lipo and the abdominoplasty. My hips are a really good size right now and I hope they don't shrink too much. Meanwhile, my butt has more projection than I'd like. But who knows what the proportions will look like when the rest of my body stops swelling.
<3
Updated on 1 Sep 2020:
I got my drains removed yesterday and was able to take a shower, wash my compression garment, and wash my bedding. WOW, what a difference. I'm no longer laying in my own filth all day (as much as I was, anyway).
I still have low energy, but not quite as low as I had before. The foam binder I'm still wearing all day is having a big effect on my energy, I think -- it compresses down on my lungs and chest pretty hard. But, it's supposedly there so my lipo areas heal smoothly and not bumpy/uneven, so if that's true, then it's worth it. I stop using it my next appointment on Friday - 3 days from now.
I was not expecting my crotch to be an issue at ALL post surgery, but it's maybe been my most uncomfortable/painful area. The swelling is almost all gone there finally, and I'm no longer elevating my legs, but it is still 100% bruised and VERY painful due to the massive swelling I had. It also looks like my compression garment was really cutting into my skin down there while it was swollen. It's not cutting into it anymore. I hope it heals well and quickly.
I am moving onto ibuprofen from my percocet. 600-800mg every 6-8hrs. I'm throwing in one of my percocets here and there due to crotch and tummy tuck incision pain, but ibu's mostly cover the worst pain. I'm glad, the last thing I need is an opioid dependency.
I've moved onto solid food and ate 2 veggie burgers with collards for bfast and lunch. I don't eat burgers much but it sounded so good this morning. Weird cravings. It's all pretty low sodium, whole wheat buns, etc. I might buy a salad this evening for dinner to get some actual fresh food. I don't have the energy to deal with prepping all those ingredients. I hope I can go for a walk. I'm still laying in bed most of the time.
I weighed myself yesterday before my shower and I weigh 15 lbs more than the day before the surgery! This has got to be all swelling and maybe water retention. I haven't been eating a whole lot and I got some lbs removed (maybe just about 3 lbs net) during the operation.
I checked yesterday and this is what I had done for volume:
- 315g of skin removed (0.7 lbs)
- 3000cc of fat lipo'ed from abdomen, flanks, lower back
- 970cc of fat transferred to both sides -- 1940cc total
Here is a picture of before and current. It is still very far away from the final results!! I am very swollen, so that my waist is the exact same size as it was before the surgery. My lower thighs are very swollen even though there was no fat injected there - I believe that's the same gravity issue that causes crotch swelling. The fat injected areas, especially the top of my butt, are VERY square. My surgeon says that will resolve itself and is common after every plastic surgery due to swelling. It has gotten a bit better than my day-after visit so I'm hopeful.
I hope my new hips (upper thighs) don't shrink much, and they're not hard as a rock like my butt so I hope that's a good sign. I'm fine with my butt shrinking down a bit, at least as far as projection outwards goes. I'm really hoping my front deswells a lot, as there's not a huge amount of difference between before/after right now there except my belly hang being gone.
Anyway, it's looking promising!! I know I don't look like a model in my afters, but that's not what I'm going for (or would be possible ha ha).
Swelling will hopefully be way down by my next appointment on Friday, and I'm hoping to have more energy.
Updated on 5 Sep 2020:
I'm feeling a LOT better now, but still very swollen, and pretty bruised and sore. I also get overheated and exhausted very quickly when going outside, but am still trying to walk about an hour a day now. I come back as an exhausted, sweaty mess. But, I'm starting to settle in my body and feel SO GOOD outdoors. I felt so embarrassed & uncomfortable with my body in public before the surgery, and it feels so much better already.
I still weigh ~15 lbs more than the day before my surgery, and my surgeon pressed their hand in my abdomen and it acted like memory foam, which is all swelling. My shape is fantastic now, I just hope the swelling goes away but I maintain a similar shape.
After I got my drains removed and I felt less like I just got hit by a car, I noticed my compression garment fit HORRIBLY and was digging into my skin really bad in my thighs and crotch, acting like a transmasc binder on my chest, and barely touching my waist. I figured out they gave me a men's garment which is pretty f'ed up considering my gender and the surgery I got, but they told me they give that to anyone with a long torso. Idk, I honestly doubt they do to cis women. This is the only gender annoyance/transphobia I've had with this surgeon or their staff.
I talked to my nurse who has been AWESOME, and she told me that I could use some firm shapewear (spanx) and wear my compression foam over it. Luckily I already had some -- two pieces including a long cami and very high waist shorts that I got from Target online. It fits so much better, but I also found the company that made the men's garment (Design Veronique) and asked them to make a custom women's garment with a longer length. They took care of it very quickly and I'll get it delivered in a few days. Expensive, but worth it if it helps at all with my results for the next month. I talked to my nurse and surgeon about that and they were interested in getting these custom made garments for taller transfem people. If you get this surgery, you should ask during your consult or in advance what type of garment you'll get, and if you can get a custom one if needed.
I am still avoiding sitting and it still hurts when I sit for short periods. My BBL mattress got a small hole and was deflating every 2-3 hours, which was a huge bummer. I tried to lay and sleep on my normal bed or couch with some adjustments, and it just was not comfortable and I couldn't find a way it wasn't pressing against my abdominoplasty incision or fat transfer areas. Luckily, I got enough energy and pretty easily was able to find the hole to patch it. I realized how valuable the BBL mattress is- it might be the #1 supply I'd recommend before this type of surgery.
I'm still laying on the mattress maybe 21 hours a day. I go back to work on Tuesday but luckily I work from home, so I'll still probably be on the mattress with a laptop.
I'm feeling really good about the results so far and it's been worth it. A quick photo showing a pretty euphoric image of my (swollen) shape in my shapewear.