So im 21 years old, and ive known since I was 14...
So im 21 years old, and ive known since I was 14 that something needed to be done. I told doctors from 15-20 years old that my back hurt, that my boobs had sores. That my skin couldnt keep up with how fast I was growing. I cracked and bled for months. I went from a B to a DD in one summer. The only person that believed me and tried to help was my dad, a single father who had no idea what else to do. Until I finally found someone to listen.
By then I was almost 21, and my hands and arms are going numb. No visible bone damage, some days I cant get out of bed, I cant survive without muscle relaxers and a heating pad....huh. I wonder why. I didnt gain weight until I was 16, when the pain got too much and I was a J cup. I stopped running. I walked. My hypothyroidism kicked in from dads side of the family. Add in the birth control shot and I exploded to 312 lbs. I've been trying so gard to lose weight. Ive gotten down to 289 lbs, with the help of thyroid medicine and a change in birth control. Ive stuck here for six months, all the time while doctors are trying to tell me that my back problems are stemmed from my fat.
So I switched drs. She went to do my female exam, to do the breast check abd she could hardly feel around. She asked what size I was and asked tentatively if I had considered reduction.
I started crying. I told her that was all I had ever wanted. So here I am, the night before my first consultation with a plastic surgeon. I know shes going to tell me to lose weight. Im going tovtell her I cannot until I lose the boobs. I want to be a DDD again. I cant wait to not have to buy shirts that are three sizes too big. I cant wait to not have to spend $45-80 on a single bra. I cant wait to not have numb hands and I cant wait to be able to go to work abd not have to lean on the counter, the wall or sit down every few minutes because my back hurts. I cant wait. I need this soooo bad. I hope my medical can cover it. Or at least 80% of it. Ill happily pay off the last couple thousand if it means less pain, less time in bed. More ability to exercise without having to stop because they slammed against you and knocked the wind out of you, or they jump and hurt. Please. Please, let it come before the end of the year. I dont want to be put on disability before I even turn 25. I dobt want to be at risk durning pregnancy later in life.because of my back being deteriorated because if boobs. Because thats how its going.
Oh gods, I hope she can help.
Id love any advice anyone has for me. Any tips or help.
So I went and saw Dr Skiles today. She was great! We talked for a while, about my concerns, my fears, what would happen, how it would go, what may happen.
She told me what I feared most. I would most likely never be able to breastfeed. This sucks. Ive always thought that breastfeeding was the most awesome and natural thing, a deep connection with your child. Its just something ive always taken for granted. And knowing now that I most likely will NEVER be able to hits hard.
But I'm going to do it. I need to. She said shed send out the photos to the insurance company, and I should hear back from her and them within 4-6 weeks.
If its a yes, then I'll have my surgery before summer is over. Its happening so fast.
Also, the idea of not being allowed to go without a bra for six months or more, and being out of work for about 2-4 weeks, thats daunting and im really worried about that.
And to top it off, my other half (hes not really my boyfriend but kind of) hes acting like its sacrilege and freaking out. Im almost at the point if telling him to just back off and go away permanently this time. He doesnt seem to understand just how much pain im in. All he sees is....boobs. Giant fleshy tits that "God gave me for a reason".
Its really frustrating for me to try and do this with him causing issues. Im already stressed enough and scared as it is.
Im crossing my fingers and praying that all goes quickly, and smoothly, and without problems.
So I called my insurance company for a transportation log for reimbursement for my family driving me everywhere (CA Health and Wellness is awesome) and I've got that on the way, and I asked them to check on my file to see if my paperwork had come in and it did!!! I should know in 5-8 days if/when my surgery is going to be.
They said itll ve FULLY COVERED and no copays or anything like that, and my mind is blown. I'm nervous and excited and scared and happy all at once.
I should have, by my thinking, a smaller set of boobs by August or September! I cant wait!
so if this works...
Then this is me, in all my giant L cup glory. Goodness it was so hard taking photos. And as it is, I never got all of the boobies photographed. My arms arent long enough hahaha.
*sigh* yes, I'm big. Yes, I've tried to lose weight. I have a thyroid issue, and bodily injuries that caused me to gain weight. I've changed my medications several times, and my diet a million times. I obsessively keep track, which makes it so much worse.
Anyway, I really hope this all falls into place soon!!!
I need bra advice, ladies! :)
So what types of post-op bras worked best? Im hoping to go down to a DD/DDD (from an M!) anddI'd love to hear your input on the best bras for compression, the bras that worked for you, how theu felt, how they fit, etc.
I'd LOVE any advice. Any at all. Thanks ladies!!!
10+ hours In a bra
Isnt it pretty? This is what my underbust looks like after every day.
I will NEVER miss this. It feels like the weight of my boobies are trying to cut my skin open and it hurts so badly. :(
My PS Dr Skiles called today and left a voicemail on my phone. I was at work and by the time I got onto my lunch break it was way too late to call back (I work nights in fast food). So I will call her back tomorrow and see whats up!!! They said it was about my insurance application, so hopefully its my YES! *fingers crossed, ladies*
I will update tomorrow with news! :)
So sometime in August is when I'll have my surgery. They wanted to get me in next month, but my dad won't be able to help me until August. Hes trying to kick his jerkoff room renter out of his house to have a safer environment for himself.
I'm hoping for the middle of the month, so I can get everything finished and save as much as possible, and get the disability paperwork squared away so I wont be freaking out about rent while I'm going through the surgery.
Okay ladies, I NEED HELP. What bras did you guys get and what sizes and stuff? I haven't worn a D or DD since 8th grade and have no idea what a M, XL or if a 44 will get as big as a D or DD. I'm so confused.....
I've been thinking. Just odd thoughts.
If she REALLY does take half, then I'll be at a DD/DDD, and forgive me, but I can't, for the life of me, understand the size difference. Actually, I kind of can, but its been 8 years since I was that size, even as I was jumping and skipping sizes like mad when I was 12-14. I swear, you could fit a medium to large watermelon in my current bra, (size M, sized correctly) and still have room. I think my boobs each weigh about 3-4 pounds each right now. Eeek.
Wow. Just wow. Haha. I find myself obsessively looking at surgical bras, sports bras, bras in general, thinking, "Oh.....wow, will I fit in that?! That's awesome!"
Somehow this all feels so surreal, at least until my headache starts up and my back screams in pain and pops like rice crispies. Then I come crashing to earth and realize it IS real, and I'm 2 1/2 months from my life being changed forever!
Also, I realized that after my surgery I will fit into an XL or 1X tshirt!!!! Squee! I'm wearing 2X-3X right now.
Scheduled for AUGUST 13!!
Im so scared and excited and happy right now. I just can't sit still!
My pre-op is on August 4, so then ill be able to do everything I need to do and apply for disability for the 2+ weeks I'll be out of work and have Dr Skiles fill out her portion and hopefully ill be able to pay rent and such.
Also, one of her previous patients said YES to chatting with me on the phone about her reduction surgery she had in February. Shes about my age and SUPER friendly! I got so lucky!
So August here I come!!!! Eee!
Two months to go!
I wake up and look at todays date and realize that I have only two months left! Yaaay!
I cant tell you how excited and nervous I am, but I'm sure all you ladies completely understand exactly how i feel. It feels like time has slowed down to a crawl and almost stopped these last three weeks.
Depression has been grabbing me lately, and I'm trying not to let it affect me so much but its difficult. I just hope that time starts moving again soon and it'll be time to go to my pre-op.
These marks under my breasts from a few posts ago keep getting deeper and deeper and more red and I'm scared that the underwire that lays on my skin under my boobs will cut my skin, so I've had to wrap Ace bandages around my torso to cushion the underwire, and its helped, at least for now.
I also was going through boxes yesterday and found one of my old XL Champion sports bras! That was unexpected and exciting, to see that I actually might fit in that! I'm definitely taking it with me for my recovery vacation.
Well, thats all the news ive got for now. I have to go get ready for work and just hope that time moves faster. :)
Hopefully 3rd times a charm! I keep trying to post but my phone is ridiculous and I dont have a computer.
As of my update this morning, I have exactly 50 days until my surgery. I wish time would move faster. More and more I hurt, I think my body knows whats coming so its starting to give me as much crap as possible before I enact my revenge on August 13th.
So heres some photos of my surgical bra, and the wonderful book I happened to find on Amazon that is AWESOME!!! I love this book!!!
Im off to dreamland, since I work a late shift tonight. Have a great day ladies!
More fun to add to the pot. Anxiety and depression......
Its been a rough few weeks. The anxiety is getting to me. Trying to save up so I can safely take a few weeks off work and still pay all my bills and trying to apply for disability and not being able to... Figuring out who is taking me where and what's going to happen...
I'm so close and yet so far.
I went to my normal dr on monday (todays Friday) and was prescribed Zoloft for depression and an anxiety medication that I cannot pronounce. The Zoloft is wreaking havoc on me, making me sleepy and lethargic and a human zombie 18 hours a day and the anxiety meds are a godsend.
I'm trying, but its just so difficult. And to add to the pot again, I met an amazing someone who has helped me through two anxiety attacks and has been wonderful to me these past weeks.
I'm lost, but Im still working my way through. I cant believe its less than a month away!!!! Eeek!
At this point I'm less excited and more scared/nervous.
I dont know
Wow I cant believe I have such a short time left! I'm looking forward to this, but then again I'm sort of nervous. Mostly, I'm looking forward to not hurting so much and detoxing from work.....it's gotten so bad at work. It's horrible, having someone hate you so much and just want to ruin your life.
Anyways, I crashed my bicycle on the way to work last week, straining my back pretty badly...I still can't lift anything over 20 lbs, and have trouble standing for long periods, and can't turn my head as far to the right as I used to without really painful twinges of pain shooting through my spine. It seems to not hurt as much when I fool around holding up my boobs so the muscles relax. *crosses fingers* please let the surgery help with the healing of my back. I damaged it pretty badly.
On yet another note, i went and bought three bras, one a surgical bra that I posted silly photos of a while back, and then another two with wirefree front-close clasps that are in a 42 DD and a 42 DDD just in case. We'll see. If neither of those fit, I can go out and get new ones after I feel better.
Trying to get everything sorted out ahead of time is difficult. I had to call my surgeons office like 6 times just to tell them all the fax numbers of places that needed a drs note for how long i might be "out of commission". My work, the county (I applied for temporary food aid) my apartment office, my regular doctor......the list goes on.
Silly thing though. I'm already starting to pack for this trip, since I'll be at my dad's for most of it. I'm driving him and the man I'm dating insane with what stuff ill need and whats already at dads house. They forgive me and humor me though, thank goodness. They know I'm worried and nervous. Its a huge change, and they're being so amazingly supportive. So are my grandparents, and some of my friends.
Oh jeez. I wrote an essay. Sorry. I just have so much running through my brain, and this is only a tiny portion. I'm sure you all understand this, or maybe I'm just a nutty worrywart. :P
Either way, TWO WEEKS!!!! My pre-op is on Monday. I should have a set time for the 13th, if i can even keep it for the 13th....which im hoping i can. :)
Pre-Op and WAITING
Well, I saw my surgeon on Monday for my Pre-Op appointment. She was actually very upbeat and excited and happy to see me. We had a long chat, and came to the conclusion that she would TRY to get me to a DD, if not a large D....AND she's NEVER had to do a Free Nipple Graft in her entire career, but she really wouldn't know if she had to until she got in there and was doing my surgery. So i guess we shall see when I wake up.
I'm nervous, scared and so, so SO excited! My last day at work before my surgery (NEXT WEDNESDAY!!! EEEEEK! Hehe!) is Sunday, August 10. Then my boyfriend is going to take me to his house for a night, just to relax and get out of my town for a while, and then I'll be going to my dads until the morning of my surgery, August 13 at 10 AM!
I have sooooo much to do. I have to clean my house so i dont come home to a disaster a few weeks after my surgery. I can't wait to have these sacks removed from me. I need them gone. :)
Less than 12 hours.....
Oh goodness, whew. Time flew. My goodness. I have less than 12 hours until I go in for my surgery. I'm nervous and scared. My recent boyfriend has been absolutely amazing in keeping me relaxed and comfortable the last few days.
I just need to try and sleep tonight. We have to get up at 6:30 to leave by 8 to get to the hospital. My surgery is at 10am.
Wish me luck!!!
On the other side.....
13 Aug 2014
Day of treatment
I've been dozing and sleeping since I woke up from the anesthesia around 4pm.....they said my surgery took 3 hours I cant really tell what size I am, but I look so SMALL!!
My back hardly hurts right now, but that's probably because my body is concentrating on my hurting chest. I'm about to go back to sleep again, after nibbling on some saltines.
Changed my dressings and cleaned up a little. So tired today.
Getting frustrated with this
I dont know if its posting the photo or not. Hopefully I havent uploaded 10 photos of the same thing....
so I have a problem....
My left nipple is IN my boob......like reversed. Instead of poking out its poking in.....Im gonna cry....
I know its kind of common, but can
it be fixed or helped?
But I poked around a little and I can feel both nipples! Im draining off about 10-20 cc? of liquid every 10 hours or so.
Still haven't gone #2........worried about that because im having enough trouble wiping, but I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
Ready to go to bed here soon.
so ive been trying all day. maybe 5th times the charm?
Okay. So I talked to my surgeons assistant yesterday and they said 2lbs from the left side and 1 3/4 lbs on the right side. How exciting!
So I couldnt get a decent photo of my left nipple, the weird looking one, but I got some other photos. One of my drains, the right nipple and a front view. How do you ladies think it looks?
Ive been itchy all day and still gooey under, but ive had to go for car rides the last two days, so im stull swollen and leaking. My dad is disabled, so someone has to go with him when he goes somewhere, even if its just knocking stuff off the shelves into the shopping cart. So im not lifting, its just getting in and out of the car.
Pillows are amazing. Pillows in the bed, in the car, on the couch. Pillows. Pillows!! :)
Ice packs too! I love my set of "5 round gel packs" from Amazon. So small and perfect to just slip into my bra and dressings!
Only issue ive had with injury, and it wasnt all that bad, was when my kitty, Maggie decided she wanted mama snuggles and crawled up my body and onto my chest when I was sleeping and set her paw on my incision on the inside of my chest. I nudged her away and she got her scratches, no harm done, but she got a really good whiff of my chest and now knows to not jump on mamas chest. Poor thing. She was so confused.
Well hopefully this works and my new boobs look good to you ladies! I have my post op appointment on Monday at 1:15. Im hoping for good news!
So I was changing my gauze and switching into a clean bra and I finally got a decent photo of my left nipple. I think it looks inverted.
I'm sad. But ill talk to the surgeon on Monday. Hopefully she can either fix it or coax it out. We shall see.
Also, my drains had been clogged for a day or so, and I FINALLY got them unclogged and draining again, although not much is coming out, which is awesome.
Other than that, ive just been sleeping all day. I havent been hungry either, just drinking water and eating a cracker every time I take a pill.
I think the swelling is going down a bit. And the goo coming out is yellow and doesnt contain any blood, and there is no foul odor, so I think I'm still doing good. :)
Ill probably update Monday after my appointment.
So I had my appointment yesterday, had my drains removed! Yaaaay! I feel soooo much better with them out and not poking me from inside. It was weird, I didn't feel the left one come out, but I SURE DID feel the right one. Owwy.
Also, I got the final results of the removal, and it WASNT 4lbs, it was closer to 8 lbs. The receptionist read the paperwork wrong. :)
EIGHT POUNDS. EIGHT!!!! Woohoo!
She also said that my left nipple SHOULD come out, but wed talk about that next Thursday at my next appointment, if it hasn't come out by then.
I took my first shower this morning, and it was nice, and it was scary lol. I worried about my incisions getting wet and the stuff coming off and then realized I was betting ridiculous and got in and had an amazing shower. :)
It's still hard to reach some places, and move in certain ways, because of soreness, but im sure that will go away in time.
I hopefully get to go bra shopping tomorrow! *happy dance*
We'll see, because this old huge sports bra comes up against the back of my neck and it sucks.
I'm going to go take some more photos of how my girls are progressing here in a day or so.
It let me do four! Ive been having trouble getting my phone to let me do this. 3G skips out and it reloads the page instead of uploading the photos.
So heres my 11 day post op update :)
I think I look okay, what do you think?
lefty looks a little odd...
So I was wiping some glue off after a shower and pulled some iff and it took skin with it.
So I cleaned it really well and put antibiotic cream on it and covered it, but the next day another section had come up, but with yellow goo underneath, so I gently removed the raised portion, removed it (it didnt hurt, so im thinkin I cant feel it or it was glue) cleaned it and put more cream on....and this is what I got. Is it bad? It looks ugly, but I think its okay, but im not sure. I see my surgeon on Thursday, so ill have her look at it, but im worried.
The right nipple, however, looks amazing!! And I haven't had much issue with the incisions underneath, they're just doing their own thing, healing beautifully.
Sorry, its been a while since I updated....
I just started back at work, and I seem to be healing VERY well, so there really hasnt been much to report. Other than my body is trying to push out the remnants of the internal stitches, which is really annoying, because I have to pick open the scab and pull it out. BUT there's been no infection, no overly hot or discomfort, other than some swelling that tells me I'm doing too much.
I'm glad to be back at work. My energy level is AMAZING!!!! I'm awake, and doing stuff and instead of coming home and laying down after work, I sit for a while, rub my feet and then I get bored and start moving around, puttering around. I've been working short shifts, 6 hours each, and next week or week after I hope to be able to get up to my usual 8 hours. I'm still limited to a 5 lb weight limit until next week. I'm not pushing it! I don't want to overdo!
I need a whole new wardrobe! Haha. Before, I bought shirts that fit my boobs, but not ME. Now its the other way around. I can buy clothes to fit ME and not my boobs! I now have more bras than I've EVER had in my entire life! The open front bras from JMS (justmysize) are absolutely WONDERFUL! I love them so much.
I've settled at a large D or small DD/E, and it suits me beautifully with my frame I think. I'm afraid I only have the two photos for you ladies at the moment.
Here are three photos (more to come, my phone won't let me load more than three at a time).
So I have a lump
16 Oct 2014
2 months post
It is right at the upside down T junction of my left breast, about an inch away from the nipple. It was hard as a rock a few days ago, and I've been treating it regularly by massaging it with lotion and using a heating pad. Its still hard, but not AS hard now, but its quite painful now, and very sensitive. My friend Brianna (she had a reduction last year) says that its normal, and its your tissues coming back together. I'm not so sure, but I'm doing as she says, with the heat and massage. I have an appointment on Monday with my surgeon, just another checkup, but not having a car and a ride, i don't know if ill be able to make it. I'm really hoping i can find a ride soon, so i can speak to Dr Skiles about this.
Otherwise, I'm not quite as boxy, the scars have loosened and dropped, rounding me out nicely. I do have dog ears, and its annoying, but I'm just glad I haven't had any scary major issues other than lumps along the scars. The left nipple comes out when its stimulated or cold, so its reacting very well. The right nipple kinda always hangs out there, but I retained ALL FEELING. SO HAPPY! WOOOO.
I have lost about 6 lbs since the surgery, and my back pain continues to ease, my muscles are not so stretched and painful all the time. I've started to do some back strengthening exercises, and its helped a lot. Ill add some new photos when my phone is cooperating with the internet so you all can see. :)
Hope this update helps, and sees all you lovely ladies are doing so well. Happy, healthy healing!