Regretting a Fresh Tattoo - Virginia, VA

Here goes. Much like many others in this nifty little community, I have a one month old blob of a coverup tattoo on my shoulder and chest. The original tattoo is only about three months old. I'm so dumb. The original tattoo wasn't bad, but was unfinished and definitely had some flaws. The guy said to let it heal and come back if he needed to touch anything up. So it healed and I wasn't hating it but there were pieces that I didn't love. The design was good, but the execution, not so good. So anyway, I wanted to see about fixing a few spots and adding more on my shoulder eventually. I go back to the place, and they had closed down! In a matter of a week after getting the first tat! Argh! So I thought and thought about it and decided I would go to another (more reputable) shop in my area. He said the only thing he could do was a coverup and if he tried to fix some other guys work, it would look worse. He even told me in the beginning"why don't you get it layered a few times, then cover it" I was like "yea right" I do not want to get into that mess. I said let's just cover it. I had ideas that I liked, but none would work with the design to make the coverup look good.

Finally after a few days, I settled (yep, key word there...settled) on a design three to four times bigger than the original. He said it had to be much bigger to cover the old one well. Stupid me, and my impulsive nature said lets do it! Stupid, stupid, stupid. So I let him throw it on me and go at it. We only had time for the outline, shading and heavy black blobs over the old black. i said i would come back in two weeks for color. i was hopeful color would make it awesome. It's all black with a little blue from the first tat. It's prob 8 x 7 in size and its horrible. The artist is great..he really is but it's not me and its not going to look amazing with color. I hate it. I hate myself so much for doing this. I haven't eaten or slept. I'm depressed more than ever. It's constantly on my mind. I'm usually a happy, goofy and positive person. Not anymore. I usually go to the gym 4 times a week...I haven't even been in weeks. I don't want to hang out with anyone anymore. I'm embarrassed and ashamed. I'm hopeful laser removal will work. I went to two consultations. Both doctors seem positive about it. They said because its so new and mainly black, it should be successful. I have to have sessions split in half. So I will go every two weeks for each half. So I will be going essentially with 4 weeks between sessions. This has destroyed my self esteem. My husband just says he wants "me" back. I want me back. Im even having to change my wardrobe because of my stupidity! Anyway, I'm blabbering. So glad I found this community and I'm seeing similar stories.