That Was Dumb, So How Do I Live with It - Vancouver, BC

Hey everyone, so I have been reading everyone's...

Hey everyone, so I have been reading everyone's story for the past couple of months, its nice to know that I am not alone but its also hard to realise how much so many people have suffered. I got the outline for a full sleeve a while back. I always wanted a sleeve, but I rushed into it a bit, I was going to start with a small section but was convinced to do the whole thing in one go. I got it outlined, loved it for five days, and then like being hit by a truck spiralled into the worst depression I have ever had. Panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, the works. At this point I am doing 'better' per say, I do yoga, I get out, I get on with my life, friends say I seem a lot happier, but before where I was such an outgoing cheerful person, I feel like something inside me is now dead. I think about all my future plans for travel and new experiances and for some reason having the tattoo sucks the joy of it right out. I am on meds to manage anxiety and make sure I get sleep. I can't imagine living with this for the rest of my life, part of me wants to get it finished, but not by the artist that started it, and I can't imagine another wanting to artist finish it. So I guess I could get lasered, but seeing some other reviews its such a dense heavy outline I doubt it will ever vanish, and the pain and cost and then the cost of another cover up sends me into another spiral.

Its a nightmare, and I can;t wake up.

So I am asking, what have other people found helped dealing with moving on from this. And I am talking about the emotional side, logical side gets its just a tattoo, but the emotional part of me is still traumatized. I am going to try some more unconventional east indian massage medicine practices because my psychologist has no idea what to do with me.

Anyhow, thank you for sharing your stories. i pray every day that a new laser comes out that might actually help all of us. I wouldn't mind the cost and pain as long as I knew it would be gone at the end.
Hey there, just checking in to see how you are doing. 
Hi Eva, thanks for checking. It's been really rough. I feel pretty uncomfortable with this tattoo but am so determined to wait. I still play the if only game. I did go on antidepressants, low dosage, hopefully all I need to just calm my anxiety so I can focus on healing myself, but yes, it continues to be a battle. I would like to try to wait a year before starting laser, but we shall see how it goes. For now I concentrate on my art, staying healthy, yoga, and am taking up longboarding. Trying to stay positive.
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through a hard time. I think it's great that you're waiting before jumping into laser removal. Keep focusing on the positives and it'll turn around. Take care.

First Test

Fighting with anxiety and depression has definetly not been fun, so I decided to do some reasearch into laser removal in my area. After a couple not so great experiances, today I met with Randi who was wonderful and offered to test patch for free. I was really nervous but honestly it did not hurt nearly as much as the tattoo itself, and she did it on the inside of my arm. She seemed pretty confident with it being all black that I could get it all out with proper treatment, so I may go for it, seeing how the test patches work. If so I'll be looking at starting in september.

SO ADVICE PLEASE. What are some of the best treatments out there? I don't smoke, I can drink way less, drink lots of water, yoga, excersise, keep it out of the sun, any more advice out there? Vitamins, meds etc??

test patch

they say its important to take pictures, This is test patch one. In sept we will do test patch two in a larger area. If all good to go then I will start treatment. this gives me until november to know for sure whether or not I am ready to go through all of this. I think its a good time frame, in november I will have had the tattoo for over half a year and know that I am good to go. Randi seems really like she knows what she is doing, had great photos, and is doing my tests for free. She thinks because it is all black and I am pale, with patience, we can pull it off. Plus she is the first clinic who was actually super friendly, non judgmental and welcoming.

I'm still going to go through with concelling as I am still full of regret and saddness. But it feels good to have an action and I have seen some great results on this site with pale skin and black ink. So I am hopeful :)
Hi Nero, I'm glad you found a clinic that you are a happy and comfortable with. It is great that you are taking your time and being patient with the removal. That is important. I am also quite fair skinned and seem to be having fairly good results on my black tattoo. I hope you experience the same. I also hope you are enjoying the beautiful Vancouver summer sunshine :)
Thanks! I hope so! its so hard to be patient with all of this, I hope the test patches see good results so I can feel good going into this!
I wish you the best of luck! Please keep us updated :)

Down Day

Hey everyone. I guess I am reaching out cause I am in need of a bit of moral support. These past four months have definitely been the worst in my life. My tattoo covers my entire left arm, sleeve outline. I have yet to start treatments because I am really unsure if I can get all the black out. The sad part is I got this tattoo cause everything was going right in my life. And now everyday is a struggle. I go to work, I excersise, I eat well, I only drink at social events, never alone, I am seeing a therapist, but every moment is a painful struggle. I try to stay positive, its a bit better, the panic attacks have gone away, but now I am left with a weighty depression. It makes me sick, a fraction of who I used to be.

Sorry for the negativity, I try to keep my thoughts positive, but I need to reach out and hear, no matter what happens, tattoo, no tattoo, faint tattoo, it will get better.

I'm going to get better. One day. I just....need I guess a little pick me up.
Oh, please also check this out 100 Days of Happiness I encourage you to join in. 
Hey there, down days happen to all of us. I am glad that you shared with us, we are here to support you. Emotions can be overwhelming, negative thoughts have a strong power over us and we believe in them so much so that they paralyze us. Our life is a product of our thinking, the great news is you can change your thoughts, therefore change your life. Something that I think may help you is mindfulness meditation, please look that up. In short, it is a unique way of assisting us with becoming aware of what is already true moment by moment and dealing with that. It teaches us how to be unconditionally present, live in the moment and accept what is no matter what is happening. It creates a state of clarity that connects us to reality and helps us move forward. Acceptance is a key part of healing. The Buddha taught that to wake up from the dream of bewilderment and suffering, we first need to sit still and take a deep breath. Mindfulness meditations is that deep breath. Look at this as part of your journey, take the lessons you are learning from this, all lessons in life make us wiser and stronger. I want to reassure you that down days are normal, put it this way, if we are not aware of pitfalls and hardship then how on earth can we deal with them? Use your down days as a motivation. Chin up :)
thank you Eva
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