I Can't Wait to Get Rid of These Water Balloons Under my Skin - Utah, UT

I am 43, 5'7", 120 lbs. After having four children...

I am 43, 5'7", 120 lbs. After having four children and breast feeding I was a 32A. For many years I was ok with my small boobies, but after a divorce, negative feedback from boyfriends and even rude comments from "friends" I decided to get implants when I was 30. I had 400cc saline implants under the muscle. I went from a 32A to a 32D. My husband loves them, I have never liked them. I always thought they looked fake, but would wear clothing that shows them off as my husband seems to enjoy it when my boobs are the focus of attention. He says he will be fine with me going back to smaller boobs, I guess only time will tell. I know he loves me and I love him. I accept him balding, having grey hair and a gut, so he can accept my real boobies. :) We started dating before I had implants. We have been together for over 14 years.

After seeing two PS, they both suggested deflation prior to explant. The reason why is time for the skin to contract and hopefully avoid a breast lift. My boobies will be so small, 32A I am sure, that I don't understand the need for a lift. What's there to lift? But, I understand that after 13 years of being 32D, there will be sagging and concave, dents going on. I weigh almost the same as when I had the implants so i doubt highly my real boobies have grown. Any weight I gain goes to my straight to my butt. Baby got back!

I am afraid of looking like a deformed circus freak. I am fine with little boobs again, but not sagging and nipples pointing to the floor. I hope for the best and will keep this updated in order to help women out there like me. I've had a hard time finding photos of going from a 32D back to a 32A without a breast lift. Most women seem to replace their implants and/or get a lift. I don't want scars on my little boobs. I'm hoping to not need a lift. I will post photos after deflation and then after explant. Anything I can do to help ladies like me out there considering explant.

I feel humiliated and embarrased that I did this to myself. I want all this to be over.

My final thought is this, ladies, love your real body. Don't let anybodys negative opinion or rude comments make you get implants. I found that men giving me attention for my fake boobs, made me feel more insecure. They were staring at me for something that wasn't even me! Over the last 13 years I have grown to love myself. I am a Nana with two adorable grandbabies, I have a successful business, I don't need big fake boobs to be confident.

The deflation is complete. I am afraid to look at...

The deflation is complete. I am afraid to look at myself in the mirror, but feel good about getting back to the real me! It looks really strange as the deflated implants are still in there. It looks like and feels like a hard flat shell in my skin. I look awful. :( I'm glad my husband is gone on work for two weeks because I don't want him to see me like this. I doubt my actual breast tissue is even 32A. The right one hurts where the gave me the local anethestic to put the drains in to deflate. I made a mistake and lifted my right arm over my head when I got home. PS told me no lifting anything, no arms over the head. I hope I didn't screw something up. I'm taking tylenol, refused narcotic painkillers as they

I'm too sad and embarrased to post photos today. Hopefully I can bring myself to take a photo of my deformed flat self in the next few days to let all you girls know how it looks going from 32D to 32A. I scheduled my explant and capsulectomy for January 16. The PS said that amount of time should be enough for my skin to contract to see if I want a lift. Lift what?

Day five after deflation of my implants. My right...

Day five after deflation of my implants. My right boob is still sore. I can see bruising where they stuck the needle in for deflation. This one also hurt more than the left did during deflation. I can't see any bruising on the left one. I can't wear anything but a sports bra as the deflated implants make it very uncomfortable. The sports bras arent comfortable either as the elastic hits right on the bruise on the right side. :( I don't think I will need a lift. None of my friends can believe I got rid of my big boobs.


I am fine with the actual boobies. They are small but seem to look a little larger today , (still 32A :) than they did the day of deflation. I will try to take a photo tomorrow and post it. I keep forgetting to take the camera in my bedroom so I can take one. Family all over the house, so the question is , Mom why are you taking the camera in your room?

My husband is still out of town. I don't think I will be ok to let him see me with these weird implants sticking up in my skin. It is very unattractive. He says he will love me anyway, but he is a big part of the reason I got implants, so I am nervous. He will be back next week.

Day seven since deflation of implants. Tried to...

Day seven since deflation of implants. Tried to take a photo today, but didn't want to wake up my grandbaby from her nap. I realized the camera battery was dead and all my camera gear is in the nursery closet. I went to the emergency room Friday night. My right breast is tender sore and larger than the left. My PS said I am overusing the right side and to rest. He thinks I've irritated the muscle. He saw no signs of infection. My right breast has gotten a little larger since then. I'm trying to do as little as possible with the right side, but I work on the computer all day and am tending my nine month old grandbaby all day. She and my daughter live with me. My husband is still out of town and I have no friends who could assist. I have a 100 lb golden retriever who needs walked, a house to keep clean, an internet business to run and dinner to make for my family in addition to watching my precious beautiful grandchild, Elleah. Do nothing......yeah...right.

I go to the PS tomorrow. I'm worried. I know something is wrong with the right side. It must be some sort of fluid build up. But, I'm not running a fever so I'm guessing no infection. I just hope the right one doesn't get any larger. Now I look even freakier, deflated shells and one boob bigger than the other. This totally sucks.

It is two days until my surgery to have the...

It is two days until my surgery to have the deflated implants removed. I am very nervous. So many warnings prior to surgery! No flax seed, no garlic, no detox tea, ten days before surgery and after. These are all part of my normal diet, so this has been hard for me. Then, the ps told me I will need drains put in and will probably have to keep them in for a week, measure the amount of fluid three times a day. Yuck!!! But, I want these things out of me. I've been dealing with deflated strange looking breasts for six weeks now.

My husband is not doing well with the change. Let's just say he is less than happy about this. No intimate moments if you know what I mean. His words say he is fine with the new me, but his nonverbal does all the talking for him. He is not attracted to the flat chested me. But, oh well, all I can do is hope things improve after I at least look like a normal female again. I look like a deformed freak at the moment. But, I am happy with my small boobies. :)

I finally had time to take a photo. The weird shape on them is the delflated implant. It is very uncomfortable. I will also take some after surgery when I am able.

Please any woman out there considering implants, DON'T DO IT!!! This is hell dealing with deflated implants inside of me and know having to deal with surgery again and then one month of recovery. THe PS said I can do nothing for two weeks. No driving, no watching my grandbaby ( because I will pick her up, all 20 lbs of cuteness :D ), no cleaning, nothing. He is afraid I will pop stitches and end up back in surgery.

On the emotional side, seeing my husbands negative reaction is hard to deal with. He is why I got implants 13 years ago. We will see what happens with our relationship. I know he loves me and I love him, but being rejected in the bedroom for no longer having big fake boobs is hard to deal with. I want to be loved and wanted for the real me. :(

Day 11 after explant. This has been much harder...

Day 11 after explant. This has been much harder than I anticipated. I had drains in for three days, that was horrible. I could not move without alot of pain. I was thrilled when he took them out although it hurt. The pain killers made me dizzy and nauseous, I stopped taking them on day five. Then on day seven I did to much. Right side started swelling and I had to take pain killers again to sleep that night. Awful!!!!! I'm still sleeping in the recliner. Totally sucks!!!!!!! On day nine, my half awake body decided it would strech out my left arm, bad idea. Now the left one hurts, but it is tolerable. I now sleep with my arms inside a sweat shirt so no more accidents.

I am a very active independent person so bed rest, not doing much is very difficult for me. I usually power walk /jog three to four miles a day with my dog. I am also self employed so I've had to deal with work issues. My husband is very tired of taking care of me. We aren't getting along well. He is leaving for work tomorrow. He says he is ok with how they look, but his nonverbal says otherwise. He is stressing me out which does not help my recovery.

I am fine with how they look, but do hope for some "fluffing" that I've heard about on realself. The left one looks sad and has a dent, which doesn't surprise me as that implant shifted along time ago. It never sat the same as the right. I hope for improvement in a few weeks. The right one is still swollen from overdoing it on day seven. I'm using ice packs and trying to do nothing. On that note, I will stop typing now.

I

Feeling depressed today. As much as I say I'm...

Feeling depressed today. As much as I say I'm thrilled with my 32A's, it is difficult seeing myself in clothes. Valentines Day is soon and I am unable to wear anything sexy for my husband. I saw my PS yesterday for two week appt. He said I am doing well, but cautioned me, no house cleaning, no laundry, no walking my golden retriever (he weighs 110 lbs). I still need to be careful and take it easy for another two weeks before he allows me to go back to a normal routine.

My two daughters are 17 and 23. My beautiful girls are endowed naturally more than I ever was. They both wear padded push up bras everyday and sometimes it is hard for me to see it when they wear lowcut revealing shirts. It makes me sad to know I will never be able to look like that again. I am happy that my daughters are all natural! They weigh more than I do, but lucky girls on them the weight goes to all the right places. :) I am 5'7" and weigh 115. I've always been a very skinny girl. I'm hoping after a month when my poor 32As fluff a little and I can wear a padded push up bra that I will feel happier with how I look.

I will try to stay positive. Recovery is going well, I have my health and a wonderful family. Who cares if I have the chest of a 13 year old girl? Love and hugs to all you ladies out there in recovery. Thank you all for your support. This board has meant the world to me in my explant journey.

New photos! It has been two months since surgery....

New photos! It has been two months since surgery. Im fine with my real boobs. I rocked a bikini in cabo san lucas, mexico last week. It was nice not having fake big boobs falling out of the tops. I hope the dent in the left one goes away but only time will tell. Any other ladies have dents? My husband says hes ok with them, but he never touches them and i caught him giving them a disgusted look one day. He noticed the dent in my left boob. Oh well. I keep hoping things will improve with him. 14 years together. He was staring at a girl on the beach with large boobs when we were in mexico. I said nothing but of course it hurt my feelings.
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