I Can't Wait to Get Rid of These Water Balloons Under my Skin - Utah, UT
- updated 9 months ago
I am 43, 5'7", 120 lbs. After having four children...
- 19 Nov 2012
I am 43, 5'7", 120 lbs. After having four children and breast feeding I was a 32A. For many years I was ok with my small boobies, but after a divorce, negative feedback from boyfriends and even rude comments from "friends" I decided to get implants when I was 30. I had 400cc saline implants under the muscle. I went from a 32A to a 32D. My husband loves them, I have never liked them. I always thought they looked fake, but would wear clothing that shows them off as my husband seems to enjoy it when my boobs are the focus of attention. He says he will be fine with me going back to smaller boobs, I guess only time will tell. I know he loves me and I love him. I accept him balding, having grey hair and a gut, so he can accept my real boobies. :) We started dating before I had implants. We have been together for over 14 years.
After seeing two PS, they both suggested deflation prior to explant. The reason why is time for the skin to contract and hopefully avoid a breast lift. My boobies will be so small, 32A I am sure, that I don't understand the need for a lift. What's there to lift? But, I understand that after 13 years of being 32D, there will be sagging and concave, dents going on. I weigh almost the same as when I had the implants so i doubt highly my real boobies have grown. Any weight I gain goes to my straight to my butt. Baby got back!
I am afraid of looking like a deformed circus freak. I am fine with little boobs again, but not sagging and nipples pointing to the floor. I hope for the best and will keep this updated in order to help women out there like me. I've had a hard time finding photos of going from a 32D back to a 32A without a breast lift. Most women seem to replace their implants and/or get a lift. I don't want scars on my little boobs. I'm hoping to not need a lift. I will post photos after deflation and then after explant. Anything I can do to help ladies like me out there considering explant.
I feel humiliated and embarrased that I did this to myself. I want all this to be over.
My final thought is this, ladies, love your real body. Don't let anybodys negative opinion or rude comments make you get implants. I found that men giving me attention for my fake boobs, made me feel more insecure. They were staring at me for something that wasn't even me! Over the last 13 years I have grown to love myself. I am a Nana with two adorable grandbabies, I have a successful business, I don't need big fake boobs to be confident.
The deflation is complete. I am afraid to look at...
- 26 Nov 2012
I'm too sad and embarrased to post photos today. Hopefully I can bring myself to take a photo of my deformed flat self in the next few days to let all you girls know how it looks going from 32D to 32A. I scheduled my explant and capsulectomy for January 16. The PS said that amount of time should be enough for my skin to contract to see if I want a lift. Lift what?
Day five after deflation of my implants. My right...
- 30 Nov 2012
I am fine with the actual boobies. They are small but seem to look a little larger today , (still 32A :) than they did the day of deflation. I will try to take a photo tomorrow and post it. I keep forgetting to take the camera in my bedroom so I can take one. Family all over the house, so the question is , Mom why are you taking the camera in your room?
My husband is still out of town. I don't think I will be ok to let him see me with these weird implants sticking up in my skin. It is very unattractive. He says he will love me anyway, but he is a big part of the reason I got implants, so I am nervous. He will be back next week.
Day seven since deflation of implants. Tried to...
- 4 Dec 2012
I go to the PS tomorrow. I'm worried. I know something is wrong with the right side. It must be some sort of fluid build up. But, I'm not running a fever so I'm guessing no infection. I just hope the right one doesn't get any larger. Now I look even freakier, deflated shells and one boob bigger than the other. This totally sucks.
It is two days until my surgery to have the...
- 14 Jan 2013
My husband is not doing well with the change. Let's just say he is less than happy about this. No intimate moments if you know what I mean. His words say he is fine with the new me, but his nonverbal does all the talking for him. He is not attracted to the flat chested me. But, oh well, all I can do is hope things improve after I at least look like a normal female again. I look like a deformed freak at the moment. But, I am happy with my small boobies. :)
I finally had time to take a photo. The weird shape on them is the delflated implant. It is very uncomfortable. I will also take some after surgery when I am able.
Please any woman out there considering implants, DON'T DO IT!!! This is hell dealing with deflated implants inside of me and know having to deal with surgery again and then one month of recovery. THe PS said I can do nothing for two weeks. No driving, no watching my grandbaby ( because I will pick her up, all 20 lbs of cuteness :D ), no cleaning, nothing. He is afraid I will pop stitches and end up back in surgery.
On the emotional side, seeing my husbands negative reaction is hard to deal with. He is why I got implants 13 years ago. We will see what happens with our relationship. I know he loves me and I love him, but being rejected in the bedroom for no longer having big fake boobs is hard to deal with. I want to be loved and wanted for the real me. :(
Day 11 after explant. This has been much harder...
- 27 Jan 2013
I am a very active independent person so bed rest, not doing much is very difficult for me. I usually power walk /jog three to four miles a day with my dog. I am also self employed so I've had to deal with work issues. My husband is very tired of taking care of me. We aren't getting along well. He is leaving for work tomorrow. He says he is ok with how they look, but his nonverbal says otherwise. He is stressing me out which does not help my recovery.
I am fine with how they look, but do hope for some "fluffing" that I've heard about on realself. The left one looks sad and has a dent, which doesn't surprise me as that implant shifted along time ago. It never sat the same as the right. I hope for improvement in a few weeks. The right one is still swollen from overdoing it on day seven. I'm using ice packs and trying to do nothing. On that note, I will stop typing now.
Feeling depressed today. As much as I say I'm...
- 1 Feb 2013
My two daughters are 17 and 23. My beautiful girls are endowed naturally more than I ever was. They both wear padded push up bras everyday and sometimes it is hard for me to see it when they wear lowcut revealing shirts. It makes me sad to know I will never be able to look like that again. I am happy that my daughters are all natural! They weigh more than I do, but lucky girls on them the weight goes to all the right places. :) I am 5'7" and weigh 115. I've always been a very skinny girl. I'm hoping after a month when my poor 32As fluff a little and I can wear a padded push up bra that I will feel happier with how I look.
I will try to stay positive. Recovery is going well, I have my health and a wonderful family. Who cares if I have the chest of a 13 year old girl? Love and hugs to all you ladies out there in recovery. Thank you all for your support. This board has meant the world to me in my explant journey.
New photos! It has been two months since surgery....
- 17 Mar 2013