Almost one year

Hard to believe its been almost a full year...

On the physical side: I don't feel like I have any swelling anymore. I am still very unhappy with the appearance of my scar, its very dark and I just hate it. I cringe when I look in the mirror at it (yes, I cringed before surgery at the skin..so its just an even trade off there) I still have no actual feeling if I touch my abs or skin around my abdomen. I still have burning pain if I move in certain positions. Still have pain in my abs if I try to lay on my stomach. But otherwise I don't feel limited in any way. I feel like my skin is a bit looser again, it definitely wrinkles and creases when I sit or bend over. Its fine, it feels more like in a "natural" way - like how it would just normally be if I hadn't ever gained so much weight. I actually prefer it, I don't feel so artificially "tight" anymore.

My boobs stil have that weird crease from the muscle issue. But that won't ever go away. I also cringe when I look at those in the mirror. And again, yes I cringed before surgery...but after all the time, money and pain, I would like to feel at least somewhat better about them, and really, I don't. I just traded one issue for another.

I'm separated from my husband completely. I have my own apartment now. I've dated a few guys. Been intimate with a few. The scars and boobs have been an issue for one guy. Not for the other two. So I guess it just depends on the guy. I REALLY hate having to have "the talk" with them right before we are intimate where I have to explain the scars and apologize profusely. Its awkward and it sucks. I still haven't figured out the right time to do it.

I'm still unsure if I would do it again if I had the choice. I just don't know. My body has finally recovered for the most part, even though it took longer than most, but the numbness and discomfort in certain positions makes me feel like I will never actually feel 100% like myself again. Its tolerable though. My results are mostly what I wanted, but the very dark brown/purple scare after a year and the muscle crease in the boobs wasn't what I expected. I feel like I traded one set of issues for another.

I haven't taken pics in forever. There really isn't any noticeable change worth documenting.

Since my last update...personal life took a nose dive again. I'm feeling better now, but the "great" guy that I got involved with dumped me for someone else. It was tough. Haven't gone through that since high school. It was especially hard because you all knew how tough it was for me let go, and feel comfortable being intimate with anyone. So I trusted him, a lot, to even consider it. Anyways...it obviously wasn't meant to be.

But in the aftermath, I admit I got a little depressed. Stopped working out for a few weeks, wasn't eating great, put on a few pounds. I've been back on track for about a week, but my weight is not where I want it. No one else notices, but *I* can see the difference. Working on it though.

Tummy tuck stuff...I'd say swelling is 95-99% gone. Some days, after a long day or a harder ab workout, I can feel it come back and get that "full" and tingly feeling. It doesn't hurt to sneeze or cough anymore. It still BURNS when I do, but its not "pain" or a ripping feeling. I can finally do some ab work, a few crunches at a time, but it starts getting that ripping feeling pretty quick. Just doing a little more each time. Planks, push ups, pull ups, etc are still VERY uncomfortable in the abs.

I don't have any new pics, things look about the same except I got a large rib/side piece tattoo since my last pics. It goes from my scar at my hip up to my bra line. I love it, but getting it worked on was interesting because some areas more towards the front and approaching my ab muscles are still numb and it was odd.

The only thing at this point I really hate is my scar. It's VERY dark, it's actually a brown color in some places. If you look close, basically it's white in the middle, surrounded by a brown outline all along the top and bottom. I've never seen one like it and not sure how or why it's got that brown "halo". The scars on my boobs are basically not visible anymore.

I'm going to give a "real" update, I have been nervous to post too much because I am so afraid someone will see/read it that knows me. But I am just going to do it, everyone here following me deserves an update and I've decided to just be upfront about my surgery in real life (if/when it comes up)...

The pic I'm posting was about 2 weeks ago at the beach. Felt pretty good. I still have a few stretch marks that are visible, but I don't really care. And the scar around my belly button is pretty obvious (to me) Its basically a dark ring right around it. Not sure what other people think it is, I was self conscious of it for awhile, but I don't really care anymore. I still don't feel 100% "flat", my body has a different shape than I did before and its not what I expected, and I feel like I STILL have some very minor swelling, but a lot of my old clothes are actually TOO BIG now. Its crazy how that all changed really in the last month.

Lets's see, the overview:

1. I graduated with my BS. Magna [RS bleep] laude, highest GPA in my major. Working on grad school applications now.
2. Running/fitness going great - up to doing 12 mile long runs, about 35 miles/week. My pace is faster than ever. Back to swimming and biking as well. Just barely starting ab work. That's been tough. My abs still feel so weak and they hurt pretty bad if I do any isolated stuff. So taking it REALLY slow.
4. I've been running in my sports bra and running shorts pretty regularly. I only really worry about the belly button scar. At first I felt like everyone was staring at it and "knew". But I'm over worrying about that.
3. The husband and I separated. Nothing final yet, so its been up and down. I've been spending time with someone...we'd been friends for awhile through school (so yes, he's younger than me...not to mention ridiculously hot!) Things have gotten physical and he was NOT scared off by my scars :-) Not sure where or what will happen with it, we're both in these weird transitional stages in our life, so just enjoying his company and having fun right now.
4. Pretty sure I am leaving the boobs like they are. Definitely got that vote from the guy who has seen them ;)