Hi there, I am in the very early stages of the...

Hi there, I am in the very early stages of the process of Sleeve Gastrectomy. I am forty five and have been overweight to some extent from around the age of six. In 2007 I was diagnosed with a rare auto immune disease which causes muscle weakness and extreme fatigue, among other symptoms. I am basically allergic to my muscles, my bodies macrophages (killer cells) treat my muscle tissue as though its a pathogen and much of it has been destroyed.

I spent three years in hospital, on life support for seven months and fed by tube for 2.5 years and still I gained weight, due to total inactivity and medications such as high doses of steroids, administered by IV. Unfortunately the illness has left me in a wheelchair, I am unable even to stand and need twenty four hour care.

After discharge in 2010 I returned to our adapted home, (I am married, no children) and continued to gain weight. My rheumatoid arthritis specialist, yes I have that too!!, referred me for surgery, something that has left me with very mixed emotions. At my first psych evaluation the doctor said he normally 'tries to talk people out of surgery', but he was trying to convince me to at least see the surgeon. He felt that my medication and lack of ability to exercise would make it very difficult to lose and keep off.

And we all know that's the crunch isn't it? Not regaining the weight!

Last year I lost about fifty pounds on a hospital supervised very low carb diet but it just isn't sustainable, I probably regained it, and I have too much to loose. I met with the Dietician last week and I am on a more balanced diet, I need to lose 42 pounds before surgery. Only once I've done this will I be able to start the two week liquid diet.

I am laughingly calling my prospective sleeve 'Stevie Wonder' but I know this isn't a wonder solution nor a magic wand. I catch myself thinking, 'I can't wait until after surgery and then I can eat 'nice' things but my sleeve will make me lose anyway'. NO. It's this thinking that got me here.

I don't know my exact weight as I have to be weighed in my chair, we think that weighs around 280 Lbs/127 kg by itself, it needs to be big because I am :( that's so shameful to admit and yet not one of you know me. I estimate I am about 300 lbs and I would like to be under eleven stone which is about 150 lbs/68kg. Phew all those conversions are hard. You see I think in stones and pounds (British), they weigh me in kilograms, and most people on here seem to use pounds. Either way I'm losing half of me.

Main concerns are recovery as I have to be turned in bed, dressed, and use a hoist. Recovery in relation to the twenty meds I take every day too. The main one about the op itself is going into hospital voluntarily, I spent three years there, away from my husband (we'd only ever spent one night apart) and all my friends and family, my beloved dogs who I didn't see for over a year, and frankly I think I must be mad to choose to go in again.

Last time I was supposed to be for four days and look how that turned out!

I'm not scared to die, I've come close too many times to care now, and I very much doubt I would, but infections etc scare me. As far as after its psychological, food has been so much to me for so long, it feels like they're asking me to get a divorce. I don't know how I'll be anything other than I am, it's been so long. I also worry about loose skin, I know I would never have an op to remove that, they have refused to do my gall bladder removal because of the risks. I guess at this point I'll die anyway if I don't lose weight.

It's not all doom lol. As any very overweight person will tell you, there comes a point where it's just too hard to continue being so big, maybe, just maybe I could stand if I lost enough weight and gained some muscle strength. I'd love to drive again!

150 pounds is what I weighed at 14, I don't even know what it's like to be a healthy weight.

Could maybe some peeps who've had gastric surgery, be it bypass or sleeve, tell me how it feels to be slim after many years of being heavy? I'd be so grateful for any insight.

So that's me - I will be weighed again in November and meet the Professor who will be doing my op, it's National Health Service (NHS) so it's no money to pay out and no insurance to convince, he just has to make the final decision as to whether I'll get through it. I have more psychology consults in October too. Until then it's

Please join RealSelf or sign in.

0 Comments

Hang on a minute!

I'm lying awake thinking about my diet and surgery and something occurs to me. the Dietician said I had to lose just over 14kg/~3st/42 pounds. If five percent of my body weight is 42 pounds then I am in way more trouble than I thought...then I realised, I have to be weighed in my chair and she hasn't deducted its weight!!! And it weighs over 280 pounds, jeeze I'd be dead at the combined weights. I need to give her a call I think. The better news is I need to lose 17 pounds to satisfy the surgeon, phew!!!

2 Comments

Hey Allie,

This is an awesome review of your journey so far, so emotional and truthful! You've definitely been through way more than any one person should have to, but you've got so much more to look forward to!

At least you know you only have to lose about 17lbs first! Getting to 150 from 300 is totally doable with a sleeve and I know you can do it! It will help change your life!

  • Reply
Thanks Kirsty! I'm three weeks in and so far no falling off the wagon, I miss carbs, have trouble eating the protein and I'm cutting down on pop (soda) I've only had one in the last five days. I figured I may as well try now. Hopefully by the time I get to the very low cal pre op diet I will be used to it. I can't wait until you've had yours and I get to see your results :)

So far so...missing bread

I'm doing okay on the diet, I haven't had a day yet where I've gone over my allowance and I've even started eating breakfast! Before this I wouldn't eat until about six PM and then pick all evening until 11. I could get more calories in those five hours than is acceptable in a one day. I've found the lack of carbs hard, all my snacks and meals seemed to revolve around them, but we've found a way and I can eat a lot of veg to compensate. All this water loss means many trips to the loo. I'm trying to give up soda too as I won't be able to have that post op. I wish I could weigh at home to see if I've made progress.

7 Comments

Debs, your comment was just the sort of thing I was hoping for when I wrote my review, I'm really excited for you, one sleep now huh? :) we have a bit in common, I was 159kg this time, after getting down to 129kg last year and putting it all back on. If I don't monitor my eating my weight seems to settle at about 160, why can't it be 70? That's what I want to know! 32 kg down, wow that's wonderful, you'll be running 5k before you know it! Congrats on the walking. Have you found the liquid diet hard? By the time we speak again you'll probably be on the other side and ready to use that tool! Best of luck.
  • Reply
Hi Ya Allie! Thank you for your honest down to heart story, so sorry you have had to go thru so much in life. Like you i have always been the biggest woman in my group of friends even in school times. I dont' know what its like to be in the healthy weight range either. I don't know pounds coz i'm australian so i know Kgs - I weight in at 168kgs beginnning of this year i'm down to 136kgs today - got weighed by the medical staff as i go for my sleeve in two sleeps!!! I am both excited and terrified i think more excited then terrified. I can't wait to start loosing weight on a regular basis. The only way i've lost weight this year is from walking. I went from no exercise to - my 13 yr old starts high school and has to walk to high school next year and i couldnt' expect him to do the walk if i couldnt' do it. So in March i started walking the 2kms to the school and 2kms immediately back now i do 5kgs a day and i've lost wieght just from walking. now on the liquid diet in preparation of the sleeve and i'm loosing weight i can't wait for the sleeve because that will the the TOOL that forces me to stay on track for the rest of my life. I realise its not easy but at least it will force me to stay on the smaller eating plan. I look forward to hearing your progress. Keep up that good work. Cheers!!!
  • Reply
Good Luck with everything Allie! I wish you nothing but the best and can't wait to hear about your progress.
  • Reply

Calling for an Ark

Has anyone else experienced ridiculous numbers of trips to the loo? I am peeling for England! I know it's a good sign, glycogen breaking down, water being released and all that but I can't go through the night! Today my husband had to run some errands and my regular personal assistant is on maternity leave, my father in law just comes round to stay with me, get me a drink or something like that. Hubby had been only gone an hour and, you guessed it, I needed the loo. Now, I love pa in law but no way is he taking me for a wee! So I had to call poor old hubby and he had to race back. He just made it. Anyway nothing else to report and I've got to go now...you can guess why ;)

9 Comments

wow you been tru a lot you are really strong keep your faith you are a survivor will have you in my prayers gbu
  • Reply
Thank you so much x
Hi Allie! Thank you for sharing your story. It is never easy with chronical illnesses to fight against things that even healthy people will fail more than often. Can't wait to read your updates! Stay strong :)
  • Reply

It's all in the mind...

This week has been tough, I burnt my hand making some glass sculptures, although luckily not very badly, the husband and I had a really silly row and I said some things which weren't fair, and I'm feeling guilty because it's my Dad's birthday tomorrow. We're estranged from my parents, with good reason, but he's 82 and I'm an only child...the guilt.

Anyway the point of telling you all is this, I'm down so what do I want to do? Of course, I want to eat. All I keep thinking is 'a Chinese meal would cheer me up' or 'I deserve something 'nice' ( nice translates to unhealthy or a poor choice of calories) because I've had a bad time'. I can tell myself until I am blue in the face that what I deserve is to treat my body with respect, and that it's about time my mind realised my body is suffering for its problems...it's not my body's fault.

Eating a Chinese takeaway won't help my relationship with my parents. I don't know what will but I know it aint Duck in plum sauce and fried rice... /:(

Chocolate won't alleviate anything, all it will do is make me feel guilty about something else.

I don't want to brag, but I'm a pretty intelligent person...so why can't I change the way I think and accept these simple truths. I'm not a self help book 'love yourself' type, us Brits tend not to be :) but I do need to understand how to stop being so unfair to myself.

8 Comments

Oh Hun, you make so much sense, honestly the way you think is the way i think. Reward ourselves with fatting food!!! We know its a NO NO but we think yep we deserve it! When will we ever learn that a reward should benifit us not consume us with more guilt. Look if you have being exceptionally good and followed the rules and being 100% perfect with your food consumption then a one day of "luck" should be OK however the golden rule - the size of the portion. You can have that REWARD MEAL only and only if you have a SLEEVE SIZE portion!!!! ok so that means a small serving and that is all!!!! I know that when i get to finally eat real foods again (today i start mushy food stage) i know that i'm only ever going to have small plate servings. Eat with an Entre size fork and eat slowly because once you are sleeved this is your way of life forever!!!! OK - so promise me Entre size fork or a tea spoon and eat slowly and eat a small plate serving and no more!!!! Take it easy on yourself and you are doing great DebsM xx
  • Reply
Debs, what a good idea, even though I am pre op I need to get my portion sizes down, even of healthy food, in preparation for surgery. I didn't break down this time, and it's all down to the support I have received on here xx
Both of my Parents have had gastric bypass surgery, which is a bit different than the sleeve. They are 5 years post and have both said it was one of the best things they have done. The recovery was hard, no more carbonated beverages, eating 1 ounce at a time and ensuring it is lean protein. You have to commit though to continuing the eating changes for long term results. My mom has recently started gaining some back, food as a comfort or reward can do that. Try to change your rewards to a manicure, or piece of jewelry something small weekly for meeting your goals. I have found watching my parents has helped me stay a bit lower on the pounds, but also had to cut all sugar, and breads from my diet a this year which helped me drop 15 pounds before my breast reduction.
  • Reply

Gulp, gulp and gulp some more...

It's quite ironic really. At the group session the dietician told us we'd never be able to chug down a glass of water again, post surgery of course. Some people kind of groaned but hubby and I laughed. I was fed nasally for several months so I didn't eat or drink normally. The liquid that went down the pipe through my nose and into my stomach stopped me being hungry but the thirst was a living nightmare, especially as I drank three litres of water a day before my illness. They wouldn't even trust me to use water when they brushed my teeth, because they knew I'd try and drink it. Even though I knew I couldn't swallow and it could go straight to my lungs, plus I had a breathing tube through my neck so that wouldn't have liked it. But all the time I watched people drink, it became an obsession. I would make my visitors gulp down drinks and watch their throats, weird I know!!! So four years after I started eating and drinking normally I love to gulp water. You have to laugh don't you? The universe has a funny sense of humour.

As an aside, I had a doctor tell me (not from my team) that a VGS wouldn't be enough to lose the two hundred I need, and that I need a bypass. The bypass is out if the question because of a complication of my illness... I'm determined to get it all off though! I don't see the surgeon until November. I just want a date, even a month of when it's likely to be. Now I'm committed I just want it done and over with. I think I've lost the 17lbs I needed to. I was trying not to turn this into a diary, and stick to actual progressions, but you are all so supportive and it feels good to share. I don't want to go on about it at home, and the wider family don't know.

2 Comments

I admire your positivity and determination. I will be here following and supporting you. Sending good positive vibes your way. I haven't had a quarter of your struggles you have had but mother has struggled her entire life. She won't have the surgery and frankly I'd be terrified if she did, she also has many health issues and is bound to the chair. You can do this Allie!!! Xoxo.
  • Reply

Okay AllieGB, you mentioned a new puppy in another story...you must post here so we can see it :). Sounds like you are doing great physically and mentally, Keep your positive spirit. Looking forward to seeing your latest addition. Have you picked a name yet?

  • Reply

Good news and Cedric.

There you go Alicia, here is Cedric the newest addition to our family and a little brother to Bert, our pointer.

Today I had my final psych evaluation and the Dr, Dr Kendrick! was very nice. He says he is prepared to recommend I undergo surgery as he's convinced I understand all the ins and outs of the actual procedure and the issues which may raise themselves after the surgery. We talked at length about my fears regarding my ability to come to terms with the amount I will be able to eat, the emotional component of my eating and where I could fail if I didn't address those issues. I told him I only scared about one thing, and that's failing. This is the last chance saloon as far as I'm concerned. I'm a failed dieter of 35 years standing, since the age of ten. If I can't do it with the help of the sleeve and the support of experts then that really will be the final straw and I'll have gone through it all for nothing. I'm determined I won't fail, I can only go at it as educated as I can be, with as much strength as a I can muster and a knowledge that this is it, it's put up or shut up time. I'm not big on denial, I know what I do and how unhealthy it is, but I need to learn to stop giving myself permission to be so destructive. I hate being told no, but I have to learn to accept it.

After that he took me to be weighed himself. I'd explained about the paperwork being incorrect and he'd checked, agreed and changed it. I need to lose 8kg or about 17lb to have lost 5% of my body weight and satisfy the Professor. I've lost 11 since my last appointment, so he was pleased. He wants me to continue as the lower my weight at time of surgery the better. I am currently a very shameful 150 kg/330lbs/23.6st, but today is the last day I will ever be this heavy, I'll never see that weight again.

Next update is after my first meeting with the surgeon, on December 2nd.

Thank you for all your support, especially Kirsty, you've all given me hope that I can do it.

9 Comments

Good luck! I love you accountability statement. " today is the last day I will be this heavy, I'll never be this heavy again". Get it girl!!!
  • Reply
Good luck. . I'm scheduled 12/30... but I'm scared! I think I should try a personal trainer first .. Ugh
  • Reply
Good luck on your journey...
  • Reply

Fairly pointless appointment.

I had an appointment with the dietician yesterday, I wasn't sure what it was for, maybe just for a weigh in to see how I'm doing. As it was they had mistakenly put me in again for the group session, which I'd already done. I saw the specialist nurse instead and she gave a leaflet about the surgery and explained why we have to follow a clear liquid diet post surgery for two weeks. She said the staples and cauterizing doesn't completely seal the cut on the stomach, only the scarring does that and it takes two weeks. They don't want any food in there which will cause the stomach to churn whilst the healing occurs.

The waiting list is six to nine months and the surgery is only at the weekend because they do cancer surgery in the week.

I'm getting bored of the diet already, maybe it's because I lost what I need to and I'm a bot complacent now? I'm fighting it but it gives me concern about how I would be after the surgery when I have no choice. They remove the stomach not the mania I have about food. I wish I were normal.

The nurse asked me to write down why I want the surgery and keep it. I thought I'd write something like 'to improve my health, avoid co morbidities' but that would be just me saying what I think I should. If I was to really say what I wanted, I'd say 'to be left alone'

3 Comments

Hey Allie! How's everything going?
  • Reply
Thank you!

On the waiting list!

I saw the surgeon a couple of days ago and he was very nice, he seemed positive about the surgery. He advised me the only bump in the road we could come across, apart from hidden conditions, would be if the anaesthetist had reservations, but he said this is unlikely. The waiting list is six to nine months and I should be in for two or three days, maybe a little longer because of my other problems. He did tell me the mortality rate on this surgery is 1%, that's the national average, which seemed high, but then again surgery is risky on people with high bmi and maybe other issues like diabetes or high blood pressure.

I'm not afraid of the surgery.

7 Comments

I've updated mine, so now it's your turn! ;-)
  • Reply
I'm on it :)
You are still beautiful x
  • Reply

Process rumbles on.

Since I last updated I have see the dietician a few times, a specialist nurse who had no idea why I was there :) and had a meeting with the consultant anaesthetist, everyone seems happy for the operation to go ahead and we are looking any time from July to October.

One horrible thing happened. I have a new wheelchair which is 80 pounds heavier than my old one, the scales I use in hospital are ones I can drive onto. The problem is the new chair takes me over the weight limit so they have no idea what my weight is. :( I know it's not my fault the chair is heavier but I felt very humiliated to be too heavy for scales designed for a person plus chair, and bigger ones than normal because they are in an obesity clinic.

I lost my required weight but I guess I've put it back on, I hope that doesn't mean they'd cancel my op...although part of me would be happy if they did...and I don't have a handle on my eating at all. My husband tells me if I could diet successfully I wouldn't need surgery, he's right to a degree but if I can't get my head into the game how will I ever cope with the post op diet?

The pre op one doesn't scare me, because I know it has to be done. The dietician told me about a man who got as far as the op, but he'd 'cheated' on the liquid diet and his liver was too big still. The surgeon refused to do the op and closed him up. I can't imagine what a crushing blow that would be, so I'm going to make sure that doesn't happen to me.

I know what my problem is, I want the results without the work!

So, I can't post numbers because I don't have them and I don't have a date so I can't post that. I'm reading all your reviews and trying hard to stay positive. Those of you who have been sleeved are doing so well.

5 Comments

Keep your head up Allie. All surgeons are different and require different things for me there wasn't a pre op liquid diet. Not all surgeins require it I've looked this up on different site because I thought for sure I had to do a pre op diet if everyone else had to, but to my surprise not everyone does. I hope this helps a little, I hope and pray you get your head on track with your heart. Good Luck!!!!
  • Reply
Thank you!
Hey Allie,

That sucks about the wheelchair and the scales. I know it's hard when you can't weigh yourself and know how you're doing. Just a question, with regards to food, who does the cooking in your house? If it's your husband, can he take control and just provide healthier food and/or smaller portions?

It's a hard process but you have to get your head in the game before surgery. You can do it! :-)
  • Reply

Only a month!

I have a date, Saturday 3rd May. Gulp.

2 Comments

Whoo-hoo! This was the hope you needed! Congrats. Here you go...it's your turn.
  • Reply
Thanks Alicia. I have spent since Wednesday looking a bit shell shocked, it seems to have come up quick. I don't know what I was expecting but maybe more than a month's notice? Still it's less time to obsess and I won't be in hospital during the hottest months. I've processed now and I'm ready for action. :)

Processing the news.

Only a month away, that knocked me for six at first! I've spent the last couple of days attempting to get my head around the news, it's not the op or the recovery which bothers me, it's voluntarily entering a hospital again. Those of you who've read my story know I was in hospital for a number of years, so I have reason to be extra avoiding of the places!

My friend helped a bit by asking if I could tun it on it's head and think of it as my choice this time, I'm in control. It did help but there's this nagging voice that tells me I was only supposed to be in for four days last time....

I figure I won't be the quickest out, not with my other health issues, but I pray it won't be more than three nights.

I'm adding pics. I don't have many of me for obvious reasons. The day these were taken was a really happy day, but I look at the pictures and all I can see is my swollen face from weight and steroids and how huge I look...and old all of a sudden. In the one with Cedric my skin looks dry, I realised I stopped looking after myself so well when I got this big, there didn't seem any point. So I'm changing all that too.

This surgery, this tool, is all about finally looking after myself.

Please join RealSelf or sign in.

0 Comments

Count down to the yoghurt....

I have just finished a meal that contained roast potatoes, mashed potatoes and yorkie pud...my last supper you might say as my pre op diet starts on Saturday, just four days away!

I can have 5/6 yoghurts and two pints of milk per day. I hate milk so I'll just have yoghurt.

Today I saw my primary doctor (GP) because some of my meds for my auto immune disease are very large and I need the liquid versions. Thank goodness for the National Health Service, the solution is £108 for five teaspoons but I get it for free, phew. I really am grateful to not have to pay anything toward this process.

That's it really. Hubby has been buying me some new nightwear for the hospital, and various clear soups and protein shakes for after surgery. He's the best.

I see the dietician on Thursday and then I go for my pre op checks on Monday. After that it's waiting for May 3rd.

1 Comments

Congrats on your date and good luck with the pre-op diet. Honestly, it sucks, but you can get through. It's 2 weeks that will set you up for the rest of your life!
  • Reply

Things that make you go hmmm

It's been one of those days.

I know I'm a bit tense about the pre op diet, I'm sure it won't be as bad as I think but it's that psychological thing again..."you're taking my food away?!", so my father in law's behaviour didn't help.

Don't get me wrong, they are both great, even more so because I don't talk to my family anymore, they've been supportive since my illness, but sometimes he says things that I consider insensitive bordering on mean.

We have a niece and three nephews, all teenagers, their Mum is hubby's sister. She and I haven't always seen eye to eye and she sometimes has a few digs here and there. Mainly for embarrassment reasons I don't want the kids or SIL to know, she would have some ammo and I don't want to explain it all to them, part of me also feels I am a bad example to them for taking this route. Or being so obese in the first place, although both their parents are, that makes my SIL all the less easy to understand. Anyway, I am planning on telling them, if they ask, I'm having gall bladder surgery. Both inlaws know this and know not to tell.

But father in law, don't ask me why, keeps making reference to a 'diet', and what I can't eat afterwards. He thinks he's joking I guess but he says things like 'we'll come around with fried chicken so you can watch us eat it' . They are keen gardeners and when he tells us he's planted x he makes sure to say 'not that you can eat it', about things like potatoes and corn.

Hubby thinks the world of his dad, as he should, and he hates bringing up anything difficult with anyone. He watched my dad speak to me like shite for 18 years before he snapped finally. So I know he won't want to tackle the subject of confidentiality and consideration. FIL won't take me seriously, and I know I'll get upset or angry, I'm pretty on the edge you see.

I don't want to push him to say something, I guess his dad would stop if he saw he upset me, but I wish I could trust him to keep our confidence. I almost wish I hadn't told them but that wasn't an option, we spend so much time together.

Thank you guys, I wanted this off my chest. I don't have anyone I can talk to and be honest with.

1 Comments

That is a heavy load and I'm so sorry. Honestly, the way you talk about your FIL sounds like he is a kind man, but clearly has some issues being able to communicate. Sounds like he's trying to engage with you and even be a little humorous, but he's falling short of this as your procedure is not a joke. Your situation is not funny and it's very personal. You could pull him aside and be very open and point out specific examples of how he's making you feel uncomfortable and how it's leaning towards him knowing something others don't...only to beg the question you don't want to answer. I also think you could be on heightened sensitivity due to your pending procedure and many changes. So what might have been okay before...is not now. Either way, you are welcome to share here. You are not alone on your journey.
  • Reply

This feels like a nightmare...

I've just been for my last group session with the dietician. As I mentioned before my new wheelchair is 60 pounds heavier than the old one and it's taken me over the scale limit, so they can't get a weight for me.

This they knew BUT THEY STILL GAVE ME A DATE THREE WEEKS AWAY!

Sigh, now they've just realised they won't have a weight from which to work out the anaesthetic. For some reason the dietician said she wanted me to follow the liquid diet for three weeks, which I don't have, so she mentioned putting the surgery back to the 10th.

If that wasn't bad enough, she just called me and said she needed to speak to the team about my surgery, as it seems as though I must have gained weight since last August. I know I probably have, if I could lose on a diet I wouldn't need the sleeve. I lost 55 pounds and I could have gained half back, no way of knowing.

If they ask me to diet until I can be weighed, maybe as much as another 60 pounds to counteract my chair, and cancel the op I don't know what I'll do.

Even worse we have two public holidays coming up so I won't know until Tuesday, and I have to start the liquid diet on Saturday, maybe to be told I'm not having the op anyway.

I need prayers, positive vibes, anything. I don't know what to do.

2 Comments

Thanks Alicia, just to know I'm not alone does mean very much to me. Sometimes I feel like am, it's shameful to me to talk about this because I've spent years not talking about how it feels so be so abnormal. I'm angry with myself because it's all self inflicted, and I feel guilty for needing this op. A third of the world is starving and I need a surgeon to stop me eating, that feels so shameful so I suppose I am quite sensitive. Your words mean a lot to me, thank you.
You're right of course, and even with this latest development, it's such a hump in the road to be got past before I can be a better me.

Moved to the 10th

I need to do the liquid diet for an extra week and my surgery has been moved back by one week. At least they are doing it still, I wish I didn't have to do that extra week and I can see any reason why, I still won't have a weight, but I'll get through it.

The dietician is still off the Christmas card list though.

Please join RealSelf or sign in.

0 Comments

Much calmer now

Wow, I was in a heck of a state earlier, if I'd run into the dietician again I'd have rung her scrawny little neck (no lie she's about 90lbs but it's a bit mean to call her scrawny, she's just a teeny little Asian/Indian lady) but she did put me through the worry of the op being cancelled and she's managed to get me put back a week for no other reason than 'she *thinks* I could do with longer to shrink my liver'. There were patients there much bigger than me and they all got to keep their dates and do a two week liquid diet.

I felt like she was against me instead of being there as a source of support and information, I came home and cried buckets until the specialist nurse called and told me I was still on, just 5/10 instead of 5/3. I didn't have the heart to ask her why I needed an extra week, I was just too relieved it was happening.

I'm trying to stay positive now. One of my fears was that I'd follow the diet and my liver wouldn't shrink enough, that won't happen now I have an extra seven days on yoghurt and milk. I even feel more positive about the liquid diet, and not so fearful of it.

I knew I'd have to jump some hurdles and I'm in faster than I thought and at no cost to us, so I'm trying to take comfort now. If it was cancelled I don't know if I'd have felt tempted to tell them to forget it all together. Probably not, I'd never forgive myself.

My poor dh has a terrible head cold and all I've done for most of the afternoon was snap at him and cry, I've been apologising profusely since of course but sometimes I think that's not enough. Of course if I catch his cold and my op is cancelled he might get moaned at some more.

I'm sick of myself today, thank goodness RS is here, even if no one read this it helps to write it down.

4 Comments

I have a lot of admiration for you, hang in there! I am considering the sleeve myself as I have heard so much positive results from so many people. I know you will do great. I have a question for you...when your husband said he felt you should be able to lose the weight without surgery, how did that make you feel? Did he ever say that before? My husband has said that to me as well and I wished that he could just walk in my shoes to see how long and hard the struggles have been. I pray that you will have all the love and support that you will need. You have mine!! Pray for me as well, I really need my hubby to be on the same page for me. I go in to talk to my doctor Apr. 28th and give her the checklist to send in for approval. Wish me luck! ( I am 50 yrs. old @ 215 lbs with a BMI of 41 and with obesity health issues)
  • Reply
Hi there, nice to hear from you and thanks for your kind words. I think I may have explained myself badly, my husband said if I could lose weight on a diet I wouldn't need surgery, this was when I was getting upset at not being able to stick to it. He was pointing out that if it was that easy to 'just' diet, everyone would be thin. He knows I've tried over the years and I do lose weight but after a while I just can't keep it up. He thinks surgery would be a good idea because I can't really exercise now, so that makes it harder, but I can tell he's worried about how bad it will be for me. I agree with you about your husband. If it was easy then companies like Weightwatchers wouldn't be multi millionaires. Has he always been slim? My husband is slim now but he has struggled with his weight in the past, it's easy to judge when you don't have the problem. We know diets don't work for long term losses. You're much smaller than me. I will pray for you and if you ever need to talk please don't hesitate to message me. Best of love and luck!
Hey Allie,

Wow, sorry you've had to ensure all of that. It's not okay, but I know how it goes with family and in-laws. It's not easy but Alicia has a point, maybe pulling him aside and speaking in confidence about what his words are doing to you, will put a stop to it.

You should never feel ashamed about this. You're right, in a way you got yourself into this situation, as we all did, but you're taking the steps to get yourself out of it. You're working hard and doing everything you need to in order to make this a success. Trust me, this is not the "easy way out", it's takes a lot to go through this and make these life-long changes.

The extra week will help you, even if it's just to give you some mental relief from the worrying about your liver size. I worried about mine too, especially because if it was too big, my doctor wasn't even go to dot he surgery as an open incision (which some doctors will), he was just going to cancel. However, trust in your doctor. They know how long they need you on liquids to get your liver to the right size. My liver was quite large so I was on liquids for 1 month before surgery, but it got me to where I needed to be.

Do what you need to do to look after yourself over the next few weeks and don't worry about other people and what they may think. You're doing this for a better life for you and your husband! :-)
  • Reply

Hello from the yoghurt zone.

My stomach thinks I hate it. I've never been good with milk or milk products, they make me nauseous at best (yoghurt), to actually sick (milk), so today my stomach feels decidedly icky. My husband asked the dietician if I could have some protein drink he'd sourced from the Internet, recommended for WLS, per volume it has less calories than milk, more protein, less fat and same on everything else, have this instead of the milk. But she said no, she said if I was really struggling I could have 1 1/2 pints rather than two but no less. So today I've had two huge milky coffees , taken an anti nausea pill, and about two thirds of my yoghurt. I wish I could have more but my mouth is watering like I'm about to throw up.

At least I'm not hungry though, I feel too sick :)

Hopefully I'll adapt some time during the next three weeks, I hate taking anti emetics for this.

Rachel's low fat rhubarb yoghurt tastes quite nice, I can recommend it. I wish I could just tolerate it better.

This too shall pass huh!

Please join RealSelf or sign in.

0 Comments

Just pass quicker please...

Day five of the yoghurt and milk diet and I think I'm getting used to it more. My relationship with food is so effed up that I actually feel panicky if I allow myself to think about how much longer I have to do this. I am constantly having to take my mind off it. Which is why today was pretty bad...

A few months ago when I saw the psychiatrist I asked what he thought about us having no unhealthy foods in the house when we have guests who enjoy these things. I was mostly talking about our teenage niece and two nephews. He asked me if I allowed people to smoke in my home and around me, and I said of course not. It was a good analogy, and I know I need to clean up completely, and the best way for me to do that is just remove temptation. I'd sooner give the kids a £ here and there for candy and chocolate than have it at home where I know it's around. My husband and I agreed that on their first visit when I was on pre op diet he would wait until they we're leaving and give them what naughties we had. To that end he hid the stash (the just go and get the tub we keep it in, not even asking first you see) He promised faithfully he wouldn't sneak them things, as the 14 year old girl has a habit of being spiteful and saying to me 'oh you can't have this can you?' And then make a big deal of eating it, saying how good it is etc. he promised he wouldn't feel guilty and give in to them.

So today was visit one, and yes you guessed it, in walks niece with the tub saying 'uncle says I can't offer these to you as you've got to diet' then everyone, her, nephew and inlaws tucked in. This prompted an hour conversation, I kid you not, about Subway, Pizza, breakfast, you name it. I know it wasn't done deliberately, although we took your advice and spoke to father in law, lot of good that did, NOT, and it took Ma in law to notice me crocheting furiously and trying not to think about it.

I'm sure everyone will think I'm over reacting, but I feel hurt he let me down and so angry that he broke his promise. He said he "didn't like to say no to her"!!!!! He didn't have to, she was having all the sweets just an hour later when she left!!!!

I didn't even want to talk to him about it because I felt so let down. Maybe people who have husbands who aren't supportive will think I'm going OTT, but he talks a big game about being supportive. Buys all these protein things for me to try, and then hurdle one and we fall. Objectively I know I have separate issues about the kids and that is affecting me too, when they are here he completely ignores me and nothing is too much trouble. Yet he's my full time carer and gets paid to do it as a job, but when they are here I can't even ask for a drink.

Waaaaaaay off subject!! This 'review' is getting too much like dear diary and no but me is interested in my ramblings I'm sure. I'll try and get it back to something I'd want to read, promise. And I keep my promises :)

11 Comments

From the bottom of my heart, I wish you the very best with your surgery. I have never had gastric bypass - however, I did manage to lose 170 pounds in one year by dieting and working out (biggest loser style). That was seven years ago and I have managed to gain 30 of the pounds back so I am dieting again. I am sorry that you are surrounded by people who are so insensitive. What you need to do is develop a thick skin and just ignore them - just keep saying to yourself that you can do it and trust me, if I can do it - you can too. Some of my proudest moments have been showing people that I could in fact lose the weight and have kept most of it off. As for yummy food - keep them out of the house. It is okay to indulge occasionally but don't keep things in the house that you know you will eat if you are upset. Sending positive thoughts to you from Ireland.
  • Reply
I have allot of obesity in my family and have seen them struggle. I struggle to stay where I'm at and have done weight watchers and I calorie count on my smart phone. My boyfriend thinks I'm obsessed with my weight but I kid you not everyone in my family is obese except for my sister and she struggled with it when we were young. It's hard for me to watch my family members struggle to get out of a seated position and stand. It does just keep me more mindful of my own weight and trying to stay in control. I have never been out of a normal weight range but I have fluctuated and have struggled with keeping my weight down. I do have a great deal of empathy and respect for those who have such a long journey to get to their goal. I think what allot of people don't realize is when you are overweight is does not mean you need to start eating like a normal person and you will start to get thinner. It means you have to take in less than your body needs for a long period of time until your goal has been met. I have had a couple of great ladies I know go through weight loss surgery. They were thrilled with the results. I do have a cousin right now who did not follow the diet and had had extreme complications. Cheetos ate not on the recommended diet plan. I am not overweight and I do not care if people visit and I don't have garbage in my home to feed them! I do feel like that is an excuse to keep that crap in your home. Believe me once you start really eating healthy I don't think you'll crave it anymore. I used to have pop and candy bars all the time when I lived with my parents who were both obese. I got into working out when I moved out of the house. I am 44 and don't drink much pop anymore because I can't eat over 1200 calories per day without adding pounds to my self. I am finding I don't like the taste of it much anymore. I look at the can and sometimes think Oh that will be good and then I find I can't finish it because I am no longer used to it. It has also been many years since I have eaten anything larger than a bite size candy bar. I have a 14 year old son that basically doesn't like cookies, cake, or candy but he had been with me and never really exposed him much to that stuff. I did weight watchers starting at age 36 and for the first time in my life I learned what portion sizes should be and finally learned how I could eat the foods I wanted I not gain weight. Remember I learned portion sizes in an obese home so I always thought to stay thin I had to work out like mad and starve myself. Turns out I can have anything I want including fries and cheesecake I just have to really pay attention to portions. I just want to let you know you aren't the only one who struggles with food choices but seriously I pray after your surgery you will learn how to eat in a way that you don't feel starved and deprived but in a way that is good for your body. What I have found is that I like to eat more food so I keep my choices healthy so I can have more volume. I basically choose to not have pop and opt. For ice tea so I can have more food on my plate. I am excited for you and really pray that you will have a chance to experience an adult life in a thin body. You deserve it! Have faith in yourself you can do this. Surround yourself with people who support you. Love yourself and your body more than the food. You already are making great progress and are stronger than most. Who of those people on the outside looking in at you could follow a milk diet? You are off to an amazing start and I would love to see you with a body you will love. Hang in there and be strong. I have seen women like succeed and start really enjoying life. I want you to get there too!
  • Reply
AllieGB, You hAve one of the most riveting stories that I've come across here on R/S. Thank you for your brute honesty, bravery, and willingness to share your reality with us all. It's such a vulnerable place to be in when you decide to open up and divulge. Isn't it so liberating to basically day, "Funk it. I don't give a sh!t what people might think of me-I JUST NEED TO GET MY FEELINGS OUT, AND SHARE MY REALITY-MY TRUTH! (I encourage you to read my BBL blog. I share my life as a 10 year HIV+ survivor). You are beautiful both inwardly, and outwardly! You are a pretty damn amazing, and incredibly strong woman to have endured all that you have, yet still have so much resilience! I BELIEVE you are going to be triumphant as far as getting through your "Sleeve Wonder". I can identify with your food obsession because for one I ABSOLUTELY LOVEEEEEEE TO COOK!!!! It's my passion! Food brings people together! Before my surgery I spent my entire day thinking about food. It consumed so much of my time just marinating on what meals I was going to put together for the day. I would literally be eating breakfast while wondering what I wanted to cook for lunch! Smells were my biggest trigger. I could be full, and drive by the FRANZ bakery, and instantly crave Baked goodies! Knowing damn good and well I wasn't even hungry! 0_0 Fast forward....I feel lost sometimes because I no longer eat the way I used to. I only consume about one fourth of what I used to eat daily. I'm absolutely grossed out by cheese (something I use to never get enough of, but after seeing all of those nasty fat chunks in my drain tubes...I said, "Your doctor removed 9 liters of fat. Why the hell would you waste your money, and compromise my results by eating the bad stuff? Afterall, it was my bad food choices and eating habits that were responsible for my situation). I only eat bread once a week, I said goodbye to fried chicken (which I ate EVERYDAY)! I'm encouraged, and motivated to continue this path each time I see my reflection. My confidence level is out in another stratosphere!!!!!! This surgery head breathed new life into my body! I'm going to do alli can within my power to NEVER go back to the old me! I know you can do this. Just hang in there. Your time is right down the street!
  • Reply

And yet more changes...

But for the better this time. I went for my pre op this week, it was still the same date despite my sx being moved back by one week, it was pretty tough sitting and talking with the ladies from my group who are being done this Saturday and have 'only' done two weeks on the liquid diet, anyway...

The nurse asked me to 'hop onto' the bed and when I told her I can't stand because my muscle wasting disease her face dropped. She told me there was no way I could go there on the day of surgery as planned because they don't have the facilities to care for me, eg move me from my chair to a bed, or take me to the bathroom. She called the ward I'll be on for advice and she came back and said I will now have to be admitted the day before surgery. This is to ensure I am in bed and on the ward ready, the staff up there have the equipment and numbers needed to move me (must be two staff when hoisting'). I'm pleased about that because it was a worry, one more night doesn't bother me at all, funnily enough, I know the routine of that place back to front :) it's post op I want to be out.

I still have worries, I'll list them and then I can tell you how many I was right about ;

They won't have the right size sling for me, the ones I have fit my track hoist, not a mobile one.

No one will have ordered a pressure mattress. I can't roll over or change position in bed and need one in case of pressure sores.

I've had to order special liquid medication from my doctor, because my capsules are too big to swallow post op and can't be broken. When you enter hospital you have to give your medication in, I just hope I get that back okay. (It's happened before)

Of course I could be concerned for nothing, I hope so. Surgery is difficult enough if you are 'normal', but for the badly disabled it is especially harsh. My husband and my PA care for me very well at home but you can't expect the same level of care in hospital. Except for ICU and I don't intend to go there again unless I'm visiting our nurse friends :)

So, in a week and a day I'll be going in!

Please join RealSelf or sign in.

0 Comments

Some pics...

I don't have very many, it's a shame because I like to remember these times with my family, but I hate to see myself. The one with the plate (lol) was at my in laws, the first time I'd been in another person's house for six years (since I developed myositis and had to use a chair. No one else has access in their homes :(, including my parents. Wouldn't it be amazing if I could lose so much weight I could use my withered muscles again?)

Please join RealSelf or sign in.

0 Comments

Pic.

13 Comments

That's a sweet pic with your mother in law :)
  • Reply
Yay!!! U will be doing great!!! Keep up the good wrk!! U got this sweetie!!!!! Xoxo
  • Reply
I am excited for you and your surgery! Everything will go well. I can relate to your weight issue, 220 wa my heaviest and I still battle with it today. Stay blessed
  • Reply

Can you believe it?

Only five sleeps to go!

I'm due to go in on Friday but as yet I haven't been told what time to arrive or what ward to report to. It's a Bank Holiday (public holiday) today so there's no point calling the dietician, who I have nicknamed No Ha - it's a play on her name, but I'll be on the phone tomorrow for sure. Until I have that info it still doesn't feel as real as it should. I had an op on my knee a few years ago and the op was cancelled three times because of no beds, so until I'm actually on the ward, cannula and catheter in, I won't be at ease. Yes you read that right, my surgeon has his patients catheterised. It's something I'd rather not have, I suffered one for five months when I was on a ventilator in 2008 and I got so many bladder infections. One took two years to clear up!

Keep wishing me luck girlies (and boysies), I need it until I am actually on that table in Mr Mennon's capable hands. (Surgeons are called 'Mr' in the UK, even though they are still doctors. It comes from the days when butchers were the ones who did operations, yes real butchers not the bad doctor kind).

I'm rambling because I'm nervous. Time for breakfast....aaaah - yoghurt!

6 Comments

Oh my its almost that time! I know what you mean about not getting excited til you're on that table. So many things can happen til then. I didn't know doctors were called Mr. in the UK. I learn something new everyday :)
  • Reply
Me too, especially on here!
She's great :) I'm sadly estranged from my own parents so it means a lot. Thank you.

(Not) Walking after midnight....

It's just after midnight on Wednesday morning, which means I go into hospital in two days and I'm sleeved in three. It doesn't seem possible. I've only just started putting things together to take with me, mainly a couple of crochet projects I hope I'll feel like doing on Sunday/Monday. I don't want to take too many clothes, it's not like I'll need them for (hopefully) two nights, and hubby will be in every day anyway. The number of nights still scares me a little, as I've said, last time I was admitted I was told 4, and I stayed for nearly two YEARS in hospital and then another year in care home. I know I won't be in that long but anything over the two will make me concerned, even though it might be likely because of my health issues.

I want it done now. I am sick of yoghurt, I'd kill for something savoury, not even fattening, even an onion would do lol. I was reading the BBL forum and I mistakenly looked at some pictures of what a lady ate to gain weight, Cajun food, boy did it look nice. I wanted a shrimp badly! So to counteract that I looked up some before and after sleeve pictures. One man looks amazing but he transitioned from a VSG to a by pass, my MD mentioned one of her other patients needed to do that as she had a lot to lose. I am determined not to have another weight loss procedure, this has to be it.

It's been odd what I've been craving actually, before if I was cheating it would be pizza, Chinese food, or maybe fish and chips (fries). Now I want chicken breast, some vegetables, a steak, even some tuna, all the things I should have been eating all along. I hope I keep this feeling and I'm grateful for things like fish, lean protein and vegetables when I can eat them again.

Goodnight fellow sleevers, those who have just been sleeved and those around and after my date, prayers going up to the universe for you.

Please join RealSelf or sign in.

0 Comments

Btw

I called the nurse, she told me to come to main reception at 4.30 Friday and they would get someone from the ward to come and get me. I'm hoping there's no confusion, I might seem like a worrywart but I know this hospital. The staff are brilliant but admin, well, one hand doesn't know what the other is doing!

9 Comments

Hope your surgery went well. Good luck with your recovery.
  • Reply
Prayers for a safe, highly successful surgery!
  • Reply
Thinking of you...Best wishes today! Hope your surgery goes well and that you have a speedy recovery. Congrats!!!!
  • Reply

Well I'm home, but I'm not sleeved :(

I better start from the beginning...

I got to hospital at 4pm on Friday but didn't get a bed until 9pm! This was because, as predicted, the hoist and pressure mattress hadn't yet arrived. I thought this was all that could go wrong and it was over with, oh no...

I had a crap night, they had me up for most of it trying to get a cannula in, they tried eight different places before one went in inside my elbow and then they told me I was dehydrated! Hardly surprising as I needed a wee when I was waiting for a bed so I didn't drink, then we hit the deadline, so I had a bag of fluids up.

The surgeon and anaesthetist came in the morning (the anaesthetist had put me under when I was in intensive care in 2008) and had me sign all the consent forms. He told me there was 95 percent chance of keyhole surgery the other five being open surgery, and that I was third on the list and they'd send for me at midday. The ward staff put me in a gown, washed me and put on the compression stockings.

Then another not so cool thing, a lady having the same op as me came back from theatre, and she was crying out :( she recovered quite well though and was drinking within a couple of hours, even being told to slow down.

At 2 hubby arrived for visiting, he was pretty surprised to see me looking so well, until he realised I hadn't even been down yet. At about three the surgeon came back with another surgeon and explained they had no high dependency beds available for post op due to a lot of people needing them from other areas, they are rarely needed post VGS but are a requirement by law. The other surgeon, Mr Lam, said he had put me on his list for Tuesday!!! I immediately said if that was the case I was going home, not staying for another three days. So they discharged me and said to wait for a call on Monday telling me when to come in. I had a migraine by this point and spent Saturday night and Sunday morning throwing up, just water as I hadn't eaten since Thursday, still haven't.

This morning (Monday) I had a call from Mr Lam's secretary telling me to report to the day admission ward at 11 tomorrow, I mentioned to her that I need hoisting because I don't have use of my legs, and she said she'd call me back when she'd checked. She called back to say they didn't have a bed for tonight! I was furious, she said she'd speak to the bariatric nurse and she would call me this afternoon. My husband was so annoyed he called the ward sister of the ward I was on and she said to just come in to the day admission at 11am tomorrow and they'd come and get me. All the equipment is still there.

So...I wasn't wrong to worry was I? Don't get me wrong, if I lived in a country where you have to pay for everything I would never have been able to have this done, and we would have lost our house and more back in 2008, but I envy those who can afford to pay and use money to make it go smoothly up to the op.

Let's hope that's the last of the ef ups! Thanks for all your good wishes, I hope you understand that I don't really feel like talking right now. :(

Please join RealSelf or sign in.

0 Comments

I've had it up to here now.

Tomorrow is off. No beds. Op is June 15th and I restart the liquid diet two weeks before. After three and half weeks on it already.

14 Comments

OMG! It's almost here......I'm excited for you!
  • Reply
Ahh Hun just read your post and I feel for you! I hope you get your bed soon Emma
  • Reply

Some pics from the failed attempt.

Please join RealSelf or sign in.

0 Comments

Forgot

1 Comments

It was definitely worth it for me, Allie, so hopefully it will be the same for you. I know it's tempting to throw in the towel, especially after the run around you've had, but hang in there, you need this and you can do it!

I love the NHS in general. I've experienced private medicine, the costs, the forms before they'll treat you, etc and we have it very good in England. However, I do consider going to the US for my surgery one of the best decisions I've ever made. But, saying that, I spent $30,000, was away from home for a long time (3 months) and had a lot of other travel-related stuff to deal with, so it's all relative to the situation you face. There are ups and down with any treatment, any country, etc.

You can do this though!

Setting myself up for success next time.

I have a June 9th post op appointment with my surgeon (obviously auto generated) so I'm going to keep it and use it as an opportunity to put forward my concerns. In the meantime I am emailing both surgeons and copying in the stupid dietician, in the email I will outline the areas of failure, like the five hour wait, and then further confusion about the op being on the 12th. I know the bed situation is out of their hands, if someone has a bad car crash or a burst appendix I know that's a damn sight more important than elective surgery. The big difference between my surgeon(s) (I discovered two do the sx together) - from what some other VSG'ers on here have is that mine are general surgeons. They aren't bariatric solely and they don't do boobs, noses or facelifts. They are GI and stomach specialists in all fields. So they are called if someone has any medical emergency which requires a sx. Therefore I understand I am sharing their time, and that's the payback for good, free, healthcare.

What I do need reassuring on is that my bed will have the proper mattress, there will be a hoist and sling available and staff will be aware I'm disabled. Instead of constantly asking me to stand up 'for a second' - these things will be in my email.

Wish me luck for all this my friends. Some people are telling me this was a sign and I shouldn't do it, others are telling me to tell the hospital to forget it, and my own husband doesn't want me to go where he can't look after me. But he supports any decision I've made.

On a lighter note, I am eating several small bowls of food, he prepared dozens of these meals for after. He's very down, I think he feels the anti climax more than me because I feel relieved.

That's a sign too, surely?

8 Comments

Good-Luck Shugga........I have my Psych Eval on the 20th of May and Pre-surgical Weight Management visit on the 22nd of May. I am waiting patiently for all my paperwork to get processed in order to get the ball rolling for VSG Surgery! I'm so ready to get started! But in the meantime I'll be praying for us all to get started on getting this amazing tool added to our lives for the start to a better longer life and lifestyle! ;-) GOD Bless You Shugga ;-)
  • Reply
Good for you! I'll be following your story, let us know how it all goes.
Awww u poor thing all the pokes look very painful :( in sorry u had to go through all that... Trust me it will all be worth it!!! Hang in there dear! Xoxo
  • Reply

Pass the Sharpie...

I sent the email as I mentioned in the last post.

And what do you know, at 09.30 this morning I got a call from Jo the specialist nurse. I didn't send the email until, 20:00 last night so they certainly got their asses moving when the surgeon go it huh? She asked ME what equipment I need regarding hoists and a pressure mattress. She reassured me that I could come in on the day of surgery and I would be admitted straight to the ward rather than the preoperative clinic.

I only noticed today that the surgery is Sunday, a day he doesn't normally work, so I'm wondering if they have done that just to make sure I get it done, otherwise I would have needed to go back on the waiting list.

That's why I need the Sharpie, I'm drawing a line under May 10th now and looking forward to June 15th

Of course I am off the liquid diet until June first, I haven't gone crazy, I've tried to stay sensible but I have incorporated some carbs and fibre into my diet. My lactose problem gave me diarrhoea for the last three weeks I've been on yoghurt and milk and I figured my system could use some fibre. It's made a difference in just four days. Plus I have my energy back and I feel so good. I know part of it is because my addictions have been catered to again, and that's why I'm not going the whole way and eating everything I can because it's my last chance.

Tonight I took hubby out to dinner as a thank you for being so good to me. We shared a fish mezze to start, he ate most of the calamari because it was fried, I had the prawns (shrimp) and the crab, and he ate the mackerel and crab. I did eat the two small pieces of bread though, and with butter and they were divine!

I've always said giving up alcohol doesn't both me, and it doesn't because I'm teetotal. But tonight I had a single shot of gin with some tonic as a goodbye to the only drink I ever really liked. And I thought 'damn, I love this, why I am giving it up?' Hubby laughed as it was the first alcohol I'd had in two years :)

But it was nice :)

So ladies, happy frame of mind and all steam ahead.

That's enough about me, now I want to mention something about all you guys, in particular THE PEOPLE WHO STILL UPDATE EVEN THOUGH THEIR SURGERY HAS COME AND GONE. Yes I shouted that, because I feel it's important they get a thank you. It's what Real Self is all about, supporting each other. We all read the reviews and dream of what it will be like when we are doing so well too, share in the not so good aspects, and educate each other through experience and with compassion. I fully understand that some people just need this as a reassurance before surgery, and then after they are too busy enjoying life, working, real life. But honestly, come on now, if your reason for not updating is time, how long does it take to write a few lines saying how you're doing, what you've struggled with, or what you've found you can do? It would mean so much to me and to others.

If you don't update because you don't want to, or for any other reason then all power to ya, it's a free country. If you are struggling and feeling embarrassed, maybe thinking you'd be judged for not doing as well as others, don't. We are all different but we all know how hard it is to be heavy.

I'll leave you with this thought, keep going, this is a marathon not a sprint.

5 Comments

Bless your heart. I pray all works out for you and you finally have your surgery on June 15th and nothing else goes wrong. Keep us updated....
  • Reply
Thanks TwoPlusOne! SMOOCHES :-)
  • Reply
Hugs!!!!  And following you :D.  All luck and positive vibes to you, my friend!
  • Reply

So that's what everyone means when they talk about Real Self's dark side?!

I must admit I've been very lucky up until now, I've only come across sensible, educated and nice people on RS, but I've read the reviews of others who have been made upset by one of the 'drama llama brigade'. It's finally happened to me, well not the upset part, I've experienced TRUE hardship in my life and someone attacking me from behind the safety of a screen doesn't really count.

I commented on a post of a 'model' whose eyes have been ruined by eye surgery, except they haven't and none of the doctors on here can see a bad result. This eye surgery is so bad she doesn't look perfect in pictures anymore and 'can barely function'. Eye roll not included. I actually commented to say I thought she looked good in her pictures, that maybe her before and afters were harder to tell what she means because of differing use of makeup and that I hope she got her money back and her eyes fixed...

Wooo wee what a diatribe followed! I feel sorry for her, but more so for her family, she's clearly one of those types who makes everything about her, even her daughter's wedding and her son's prom :( I feel bad for her.

So why post this, because again it shows me how lucky I have been in my support. Kirsty and Alicia, Eleni and Ebony, 4evabeauty, momofthreepixies, mzphatbooty, phatmommy and so many more. I've missed loads of you out, that's just how many of you there are!

I'm being really careful now I'm off pre op diet, I'm eating plenty of protein and small amounts of carbs, low fat and low sugar - well low refined sugar, I love fruit so I'm making the most of that. After the first few days I did have a bigger meal, although not big my former standards, and regretted it. I felt overfull and horrible, three weeks liquid means my stomach can't seem to handle much. That's another good reason for the diet.

That's all to report, still keep keeping on. I'm watching some great youtube vids to keep me motivated, there are some amazing stories out there.

6 Comments

Allie I can only hope all the things you have been through, holding up your life change, have passed. You've been simply amazing! Hang in there.....the most perfect time for your procedure is awaiting you. I wish you all the blessings and luck!
  • Reply
I hate people like that - they complain about anything and everything while others who have real complaints just get on with it. Always remember quitters never win and winners never quit. I know you have it in you to go all the way.
  • Reply
I'm sorry you had a run-in like that, and I hope you didn't find it draining.  In the past, when things like that have happened to me, I always go back to my core commenters and just wallow in the support for a while :D.
  • Reply

I'm more determined than ever.

This is me and the best husband in the world at a lampwork class in 2012, I've lost weight since then but I still have the multiple chins. My doctor said the chin and cheeks may still be a but puffy because of the amount of steroids I have to take, but I'll take anything I can get. Even if I have a turkey neck afterward!

7 Comments

Lampworking sounds so cool!  Is that something you do regularly?
  • Reply
Omg great job on ur foods! That salad looks amazing!!! :))) ur a beautiful woman:) can't wait for ur transformation:))) xoxo
  • Reply
Thank you, your words mean so much. Xx

Date change, nobody panic :)

They moved my op to Sat 14th, going in on Friday 13th lol. What could go wrong. :)

The nurse rang this morning and her first words were, "there's been a slight change" to which I replied "oh god here we go again". Lol. But it's okay, it's earlier. Which means I start the dreaded yoghurt and milk - tomorrow. Eeeeeeeek :)

Can't wait for the 14th!!

13 Comments

Hope the liquid diet is going well!
  • Reply
Good luck my friend...you will be in my thoughts and prayers...you have the most amazing personality and a beautiful face...you will do just fine...theres no other way as all our thoughts and prayers are with you. Please keep us posted...as we care!
  • Reply
Glad to hear the day is closer for u. Good luck.
  • Reply

I thought pre op diet would be easier the second time around...

But it's not.

I think I had so much tolerance to eating nothing but yoghurt and in those three weeks I used it all up. Now I'm doing another 14 days I've had enough, three days in :( Sunday I didn't eat at all, I just couldn't face it, yesterday I had one small yoghurt (suppose to have six or seven) and no milk, I just drank water the rest of the time, I had to take an anti sickness pill just to get to sleep last night. Now it's 8pm and I've had three tablespoons of yoghurt and 35 minutes on the loo, TMI.

I don't know how I'm going to do it. If it gets cancelled again I'm done, I swear,

2 Comments

Don't give up now. Call your doctor and ask if there isn't something else you can do or take. You need to be in good shape to recover from the surgery. It is less than two weeks away - you can do it - your life depends on it.
  • Reply
I think you're hitting a low...probably lack of food :). Don't psche yourself out. You are amazingly strong and have pushed through much more challenaging times than your 14 day diet. Girl, you are on the journey of your life! YOUR LIFE. Don't throw in your cards 3 days into a chapter. You're young and you've taken control. You are in control. You have a posse of supporters and you're not alone. You can vent, but you cannot give up. :)
  • Reply

Taking my mind of it all

With some glass beads and pendants...made today.

3 Comments

Wow, what lovely beads!!!
  • Reply
Keep going u got this!!!!!
  • Reply
Yeah, I could see that.  Have you tried the soya versions?

Some old pics to show how I looked pre illness.

2 Comments

Ahh bless you You have been through so much
  • Reply
Thank you Alicia, momofthreepixies, Latina and twoplusone, and all of my posse. I feel so me me me when I come on here with my dramas, but you all are so supportive no matter what. Alicia I have cut and pasted your words, I'm going to keep reading them and believing them. Wow, this site and my new friends are amazing. Xxx

Four more sleeps!

What do you know, the weather has suddenly gone very warm here, this was why I wanted the surgery done earlier or later in the year, but I'm sure it will be okay, I won't be there long (I hope). I haven't packed yet, must do that.

17 Comments

Hope all goes well ! Congrats!!
  • Reply
Thank you so much!
Good luck on the first step of your journey tomorrow.
  • Reply

Chilling....

Feeling excited and positive, just hanging out on the Internet and waiting for the call to come in. It should come anytime after 4pm GMT, so an hour and a quarter from now. I can't wait and I just want it to be done, get home and sort my life out. I'm going to sit in the gorgeous garden my husband made for me, until I feel well enough to get back into my studio and melt glass.

Please join RealSelf or sign in.

0 Comments

We're here!

More when I'm settled.

5 Comments

Glad to see your hubby is still ready to make you laugh :D.  Good luck!
  • Reply
Congrats Shugga! :-)
  • Reply
Good luck to you hunny
  • Reply

So far so good.

I had a pretty bad night because the lady across from me was poorly and now I'm too awake to nap. Cannula was in first try! So I'm gowned, washed and in sexy stockings and I've signed the consent forms. They have me on IV fluids which is a pain as I keep needing a bedpan. Keep everything crossed ladies!

3 Comments

Yes, good luck!  I'm surprised they didn't give you a catheter.  In all my procedures where I was IV'd more than an hour or so, they gave me a catheter.

Keeping everything crossed for you, and we'll see you on the other side!!!
  • Reply
Good luck! Glad things seem to be going well this time around, looks like they're all prepared for you. You can do this and we're all waiting, supporting you!
  • Reply
Ha yes without the bigotry :)

Time for a selfie

All done. The pain from surgery isn't too bad, just sore, but the GAS! Omg. That hurts. I'm sipping water slowing but I've brought up some of my meds and I've got Iv pain relief, anti sickness and fluids. I want to go home tomorrow but it looks like Tuesday because of my other condition. I want to gulp water and burp so much but I know I can't. Tired guys xxx won't let me add pic.

Please join RealSelf or sign in.

0 Comments

Selfie

Please join RealSelf or sign in.

0 Comments

Post op 1 day.

The pain from the stomach isn't too bad but the GAS!!! Omg. That hurts. Sipping water, Iv fluid painkillers and anti sickness but threw up meds. Tired guysxxx

14 Comments

Whewwwwww! You made it! Congratulations! Now your journey begins. I'll be following you. Happy healing!
  • Reply
Allie - you made it! So sorry for the gas. Get some GasX strips and have hubby pat/massage your back (or wherever it hurts the most from the gas) to help it move down and out! I know you cannot walk, but move your upper body as much as you can tolerate and get that gas moving. Raise your arms above your head and do sets of ten - one arm and then the other and then both arms together. Do this every hour whether you are having gas pain or not to keep the gas moving. Have a friend who had abdominal surgery and is wheelchair bound and this is what they had her doing regularly through out the day. She said it did help. Looking forward to your future posts and pics of your progress.
  • Reply
Yeah! You made it to the other side! I knew you would. You look shockingly good for just coming out of surgery. So glad your hubby is there to support and cheer you on. I hope you can feel our virtual cheers from RS! Keep us updated. This is the fun part (for us at least).
  • Reply

Day four post op

Hi laydees. I've been home since Monday lunchtime (day 2) and the pain is very minimal, I haven't taken any pain relief since hospital. In fact the worst pain all through this has been the gas, still not completely gone but just uncomfortable now, and the damage to my right knee during surgery. As some of you know I have rheumatoid arthritis and I had an op on my knee cap about 9 years ago. Since then I have been unable to completely bend or straighten it, but they needed to bend it up in theatre to put in the catheter and then pulled it straight to strap done my legs. I was out for all that of course but it was AGONY when I woke up. My first words were 'bend my kneeeeeeee' :) waking up was a bit scary because for the first few seconds I could breathe in but not out, until the anaesthetist removed the tube, then I was okay.

I haven't eaten yet but I am trying to drink as much as possible. The colder the better so Popsicles are really good. I'm not worried about eating, I know I will when I'm ready. The first two days I brought up all my meds and a lot of old blood out of my stomach but that wasn't too bad.

I have THIRTY SIX staples!! And they all need to come out on Tuesday.

I can't really concentrate to write but I didn't want to cut and run, I'll be on again soon.

5 Comments

I hope the gas subsides soon - it is so common after surgery. I remember chewing gas-x tablets for days after surgery. I hope your knee feels better soon. Good luck!
  • Reply
Congratulations again!  So glad to hear that the pain is minimal (except the knee).  After I had my TT, I couldn't eat for like three days, so I can imagine you're not hungry after such major surgery, LOL!  I'm just so happy to hear that you're okay!  Happy healing, and keep us updated as you can xoxo.
  • Reply
Thanks for the update. This thread is my daily dose of reality RealSelf. I'm so happy to get your updates and hear how you are doing through the process. The supporters on this thread are such a rare breed of positivity I just love to get every update. Fingers crossed the gas passes sooner than later. 
  • Reply

Eating...maybe.

Hi all, I feel much more me today. I did a dressing change and hubby sorted out my mangled pineapple hairstyle :) I'm sitting out on our deck with the dogs and admiring all the flowers hubby planted up for me while I was gone. He has been amazing, even when I was grump earlier. He got me up but my knee is still really painful so the poor guy got moaned at a bit. still it's nice to be up and out of bed.

Eating and drinking : I read it dozens of times but until it happens to you I don't think you take it in. My whole waking life is drinking!! Prior to sx I was a huge drinker, especially in this warm weather and I was very fond of ice lollies too. I find anything cold is great, so lots of sugar free squash and Popsicles. The surgeon said I could have juice until I can eat so I've had apple.

Today I am introducing a protein drink, I'm not sure if you can get it in the USA but for us Brits my hubby ordered them online. It's called Arome Cafe Mocha, stats 8.8 fl oz per carton is 15g protein, 2.86 carbs, 100 calories. Serve chilled and it's just like a frappe.

Harder is meds. I take so many and they are huge. I've swapped one for Gaviscon, yuk that's horrid going down and the others I'm taking as I can. The liquid suspension for my main med is foul. I'm putting that in juice.

So that's it. I'm not too bothered about when I start eating, as long as I have my fluid that's okay. Others have reported hunger when they come home, nope, none of that! It actually makes me feel nauseas to think of it.

I am having the odd emotions as reported. It started in theatre before the op, when they were having so many problems transferring me. I felt so stupid in front of all these educated people and wondered what they could possibly think of me. I mean how absurd! An intelligent adult needing someone to mutilate their body just so they can be forced to make a sensible choice. I know it's not as simple as just not eating, and I know I should be pleased that I've actually done something, and I will be...just not yet.

I plan to keep updating. I know how I pore over the post op blogs and I don't intend to take and run :)

Please join RealSelf or sign in.

0 Comments

Forgot to say

I started my period on the day I came home, Mother Nature thinks she's funny...

14 Comments

Allie, wow. Because you had commented on my review (and thank you for the kind words), I clicked to find out more about you...and seem to have found a kindred spirit. You are an amazing person: to have tackled so much, with so much of it out of your control, and maintained an intelligent wit and honesty about things...I am so impressed by you and your strength. First, I do hope that at about a week out of surgery, you are feeling well...and by well, I simply mean better than before. Next, I want to give a S/O to your husband: what a stalwart support he has been for you and I am so happy to know you have that in your life. Third, I read something recently that I sent to my daughter which went along the lines of "we don't exercise as punishment for what we eat; we exercise to give the gifts of endorphins and goodness in recognition of the beauty in ourselves" and so maybe hold on to that when times get sh*t for you (e.g. your father in law's comments): you are doing this not as a penance for something but to gift yourself with the type of life everyone deserves: healthy and happy. You are such a creative person (I am so intrigued by the glass making you sometimes mention) and your perspective on things demonstrates insight and just enough humour to make me feel that it is your rational side having an 'argy bargy' with your emotional side--sometimes the latter wins but mostly...it is the former and that is going to get you through this muck. A colleague of mine had the same surgery and within three months he lost the equivalent of nearly half his body weight. He is a young man with a young family and he realized he wanted to be there for them. I know three months seems a long time right now, but remember how long those four days before surgery seemed to take? Try to acknowledge each little step; even if at the end of the day you say, "I was able to enjoy sitting outside" or "I was able to play with Cedric", those are strides and if we are aware of them, then it is harder to think we are up against something too much for us. I am looking forward to reading more about your recovery and I am grateful you got in touch with me. Take care, darl!
  • Reply
Lozza thank you, I love it when I get to 'meet' someone I know I'd adore in person. Your review was such a good read, I had to relay your comment about 'waiting for Nora Ephron to write the script' to my friend. She really understood that too. Thank you for all your support and I shall incorporate your mantras :)
Yay Allie!!! I'm so happy for you!!! Can't wait uuntil you start seeing the results - then those emotions will turn around! Congratulations!
  • Reply

Week one slump...

I think it's happened. The time where you just want to be better NOW! Back to normal NOW! One of the main features of this whole process has been waiting for the next stage, it's pretty obvious one would feel that way pre op, but I didn't consider it would stick around. Someone (can't remember who, so if I was you give me a shout) told me that even after surgery you still wish your life away. I feel a little like that. Not that I am poorly, actually the op itself was easier than I thought) just that I want to be able to move on though the process and see some results. Some tangible proof that I'm on the right track. Which is strange because I know now I will be losing a lot of weight.

If anything I'm concerned that I'm not eating enough. Oh well, it will all work out and I'm sure lots of people feel this way, today has been a bit tough that's all. I slept not at all last night so didn't wake until this afternoon, that immediately puts me more than half a day behind on drinking, it was 4pm before I started properly. Also food, I ate about a third of a cup of soup at 7pm and started my first protein shake. This morning I attempted to go to the loo, first bowel movement, but it wasn't that successful and I didn't want to push it. Then post dinner tonight I had 'the' pain that says I needed to go, and it was only just in time and like water. I guess that's understandable as I haven't eaten anything sold in over three weeks.

Things I expected to be harder...

Movement! I need to roll to use my sling and to dress, toilet etc. I was dreading rolling on my incisions but they haven't bothered me at all.

Pain. I had gas pain but no actual pain from the surgery itself.

Recovery. I thought I'd be weaker and not like myself for longer.

Things I didn't take into consideration (or not enough)

When you can only sip you really have to try and stay up on hydration. Yes everyone says it but for some reason I didn't appreciate it like I should have.

Meds. I worried about the size, which isn't a problem, what is hard is I just don't want to take them. I am sensitive to taste and smells.

Unforeseen aches and pains. Throughout this the by far worst thing is my right knee. I would stress to anyone who has joint problems, make sure your surgical team know which joints and what the issues are. Maybe there was no way around straightening my knee but perhaps the catheter should have been inserted when I was conscious. That way I could have helped with what strength I have and prevented over bending. Knowledge is power right? Tell your team if a certain action will hurt you. Even if I could walk I wouldn't be able to right now.

It's not like flipping a switch - you won't jump over to a new you. Everything that pissed you off before still will, if not more. Anti climax is a real thing, you've prepared for this for months if not years and now it's done. Where's the new focus, we need to find one.

Lastly...this week has really shown me why I have a weight problem. Now I have no physical hunger or desire for food I have been forced to examine my emotional relationship with it. I'm bored for one! All that time I spent eating or thinking about it, it seems like every day is 25% longer, and not in a good way. I watch adverts in TV, KFC last night, I have no desire to eat that, I know I can't and I'm not even hungry, if I had it in my hand I would feel nauseous...and yet my treacherous brain was still thinking 'we'll be able to have that again soon' .

News flash!! Your new stomach is small!! If you fill it with all the old crap then you'll lose weight (at first at least) just because of the amount, but you won't be well. Your hair will fall out, you'll have stomach problems, blood sugar issues. Everything that goes in now has to count for something, be nutritious. Think of it this way I love chicken skin, love it. Say I can eat two ounces of food and I have my chicken breast with skin on, I eat the skin first (all fat) and then the remaining room is all that's left for the lean protein. How much decent nutrition am I getting? I'm the old days I could eat both of course, now I can't. And that is a hell of lesson to learn, because of course I 'can', as in I am able to, but I shouldn't.

I've never been good with what I consider self denial, I need to work on changing that 'wrong thinking'.

Back to the water...

3 Comments

Gurrrrlllll, you gotta know you are on the right path! Look at how insightful you are in your review! If I may be so bold, if you have not yet considered/consulted counseling, I would strongly suggest it, as I believe it will help you with the psychological hurdles you clearly know are in front of you. I also know that rationally, you understand it is not a weakness, but emotionally, you would feel it is because you want to 'lick this yourself' and on your own and all of that. Well, what you are attempting to correct (and seriously, get out the f*cking ticker tape parade because it is AMAZEBALLS that you have done what you have done!!!) is huge: it is a life pattern and a mental routine and an emotional pattern that have insidiously shaped your life...despite you knowing full well that it was not all the healthiest choices, you never intended things to be this way. So bravo you, Lady Allie, for making these positive changes and for giving these wondrous gifts to yourself. Yet, do not neglect it is a hard, hard road and the smart folk are those who get help in all its guises (even online support networks...:) )
  • Reply
You've got it all intellectually.  You know what's going on, you know what you have to do and what will be difficult.  It's the feeling it part that's hard, yeah?  

Logistically, I wonder, with such a tiny stomach, how do you get your greens and other veggies in?  They take up so much space with so few calories, but have important micronutrients.  
  • Reply
Get a nutri-bullet and drink your vegetables - that's what I plan to do. The nutri-bullet breaks down the veggies and fruit to an easily digestible state so more nutrients are absorbed.

Staples out tomorrow

Have six of these dotted about, I was only expecting five.

Please join RealSelf or sign in.

0 Comments

Bruising from the blood pressure cuff

No wonder my BP was 210/100!

3 Comments

The hardest thing about losing weight is changing the way we think about food. Food should be a source of nutrition and fueling our bodies but as anybody who has ever been overweight knows as emotional overeaters we use food for comfort. Be careful and watch what you eat - my friend who had weight loss surgery at the same time I was losing weight ended up being so hung up on food that all she would eat was asparagus - needless to say, she was often sick and very cranky. I wish you all the best on this wild and wonderful journey ahead of you. I hadn't seen your previous post with pictures of your glasswork - I am in absolute awe of your talent.
  • Reply
I'm up for all and any help I can get, I firmly believe that there is not one person in this world that can't be helped by education, intelligence comes from accepting it. Thanks for your continuing support, you're the amazeballs one :)
Cathy gives great advice but I think we'd all be shocked if we knew actually how little food we need to gain the right nutrition, it's all about picking the best source for everything, anything else will have to be a supplement. It's a learning curve for sure. Of course as time goes by the new stomach stretches and one can eat more...that's the danger zone for me.

The Lies We Tell Ourselves (Diet Myths)

Hi all. Like most of you I've spent my last year obsessed with all things weight loss, I've read RS obsessively, watched youtube and searched the Internet. Here are some of my favourite 'reasons' for why people don't lose weight...with or without surgery.

1 My ALL TIME FAVOURITE. 'Muscle weighs more than fat'. Not unless you're rewriting the laws of physics it doesn't. A pound of feathers and a pound of lead weigh a pound.

What people mean is (sometimes) the same volume of fat weighs less than the same volume of muscles. Well listen to this, one pound of fat is the size of a grapefruits, one pound of muscle is the size of a plum. One does nothing, the other burns fat. So for a person who is 100 lb + overweight to say they are not losing because they work out, and muscle weighs more than fat, tell them it's bullshit. To have a BMI in the overweight category and have little body fat you're an Olympian. Usain Bolt is technically overweight. Furthermore, all those huge muscles you're gaining use up fat, so basically you're saying all this working out is losing fat weight, replacing it with muscle. That's like saying your foot can turn into your ear. Muscle is hard to build, no one in the gym five times a week and who is hugely overweight is making so much muscle they are maintaining their weight. They are either not working out as smartly as they say they are, or they are replacing those calories in food.

2. "I'm not losing weight but I am losing inches" Do you know anyone who is a 28 inch waist and weighs 300 pounds? Thought not. The weight may be distributing itself, but unless you've lost weight...you haven't lost weight.

3. "I can't exercise because" - why not say that which is true (of me especially) 'I don't want to exercise so I find excuses'. Oh I've got plenty, and mine are good ones too, I can't walk and I only have 50% muscle strength in my body. Does this mean I can't jog or walk, yes, does it mean I can't move my arms or use a hand bike? No. The reason I don't is because it's hard and I can't make myself. But at least I'm honest about it. (Most of the time)

4. 'I have to keep in chips, cookies, xxxxx, in the house for guests/family/the postman'. Tell me something, if you were a real anti smoker and your son smokes would you keep cigarettes in for him? Of course not, second hand smoke kills, so does second hand cookie.

5. 'Eating well costs too much'. Oh come on now! My friend says this, and then she spends $20 on a takeaway. One meal and it's gone. I don't know about in the US but I could get a reasonable amount of fruit and veg from a market or discount supermarket and it would last longer than one meal. What we mean is the burger etc is easier than buying, washing and cooking food. All which burns calories too btw. Like I said, do it if you want to but don't expect anyone to believe it when you say this.

What are your favourites? Or ones you've used yourself in the past?

13 Comments

@kristy, can you make allieGB's list of lies a guide? I agree with momofthreepixies that it's helpful across the board for anybody considering. AllieGB your insight will live on forever!
  • Reply
Of course, will get to work on it.
I love your list of lies we tell ourselves and it is so true. I hear the muscle vs fat thing very often - most overweight people don't have a lot of muscle - to have muscle you have to work out a lot like athletes - the only heavy people I can think who actually do have quite a bit of muscle are some of the people on the American Biggest Loser show where the contestants work out for hours and hours on end. It takes time to build proper muscle. People should have a bod pod analysis if they live near a place that does them - it is a real eye opener. I don't have any sweets or biscuits in the house that I like - my husband is big into biscuits so I just buy him kinds that I don't like. If I like something and I get frustrated with myself I will eat the whole bag of something - so I just don't keep it on hand. Losing weight is a long journey it isn't easy retraining your brain - but it can be done. If I can do it and keep it off anyone can if they just keep their mind focussed.
  • Reply

Do you want to talk numbers?

:) :)
I started this process at a very shameful 365 pounds and today I am........308!!!! Only nine more and I'll never be three hundred anything EVER again. Woo hoo!! Some of you are talking 'Onederland' and I'll be there, but for now the twos sound sooooooo good!!

Foods - I'm cleared for mush this weekend and I have just done an online shop to get things we can blitz. I have protein in the form of fish, some for the freezer in sauce, and some as is. Some salmon mousse and some crab terrine. It will need to be blitzed I guess but I'm looking forward to it. I've got some low fat mozzarella and some Romano cheese (they are the highest in protein per weight). For treats and vitamins I've bought mango pulp and some peaches to whizz up.

At the moment I am still on my frappe protein shakes, they are nice but I get bored because it takes so long. I also had some low fat soft cheese today, about two spoons, and some homemade soup with protein powder added. I have some asparagus for next week, yum!

Drinks - apart from the shakes it's mainly water and cordial. I did get apple juice but it's too sweet for me now, so I've got some still Volvic water with apple added, it's much fresher. I've also bought some Liptons iced tea drinks, I have a hankering.

Exercise - need to do it.

Op and follow up - the staples came out on Tuesday, piece of cake. Wounds look great and there is no pain. Knee is still baaaaad! The hospital are very pleased with me. They told me about the 20/20/20 rule... Food should be no bigger than a twenty pence piece (maybe a dime?), stop eating after twenty minutes whether you've finished or not, and chew at least twenty times.

Other stuff is the same as I've read from all your helpful reviews, eat protein first, then veg and then carb, stop when you are satisfied. Protein should be the size of your palm (this is when you've transitioned to normal foods), fat the size of the end of your thumb, veg is two handfuls and carbs your fist. That seems way too much right now, I hope that continues. I really don't want to stretch my sleeve!

I'm not properly hungry but I know when I need to eat, I still have head hungry, going past places we used to eat at I think I'd like to have this or that, but I know I couldn't eat it even if I did.

So all in all, the most amazing decision I have made for my help. Food was my boss for so long, but no more. I'm so happy!

16 Comments

I'm elated at your numbers! Whoo-hoo! So proud of you...you must post the moment you see it drop under 300lbs.

To your earlier post, some of my fav's:

- if you eat in the dark (i.e. movies) it doesn't count
- if you eat a treat and drink a diet coke they cancel each other out
- I exercised for 30 min now I can eat a meal of my choice (where you should have exercised for 4 hrs.)
- appetizers don't count.
  • Reply
I think eating in the dark has to be my favourite out of those, you're so funny, and don't worry I will post as soon as I've been to my next appointment. It should be in six to eight weeks so I better be below 300!!
Don't forget if you're just "picking" i.e. getting samples from supermarkets, licking the peanut butter off the knife, eating half a broken cookie etc... the calories don't count.

Back again and it's two weeks out.

Two weeks already?! I feel like I'm always on here and I really hope this blog isn't getting boring, but this is such an incredible experience I want to tell everyone I meet. I'm losing weight! Me!! I'm eating healthily!! I'm a new woman lol.

So two weeks out and I'm allowed to eat food. What that means is no more strained soups and I don't have to rely so heavily on the protein shakes. I'm madly in love with salmon mousse, oh it's so nice to have some texture to your food, but I mince it and mince it with my teeth, even though it's smooth :)

I had a protein shake for breakfast, salmon mousse (maybe an ounce) for lunch and I have so much choice for dinner :) I'm thinking of carrot and sweet potato mash with some of my mozzarella melted in. Sounds divine right? This is the first proper carbs I've had since the op, but I'm not worried, as long as I am getting some protein and feel okay, I'm happy. And I feel marvellous.

Drinking is still a full time job and I've decided if I am drinking all day I'm going to like it, so I have some posh juices and some iced tea. Actually the combination of drinking and eating is tricky. You're supposed to stop drinking thirty minutes before meals, but I don't have meal times. Better sort that out. Not drinking when eating feels wrong too, and I want to, but I resist. I know I feel full just from fluid, and fluid is heavy, so I have to watch that.

What I'm doing good - protein, I really trying hard to eat quality proteins. Varying my diet too. I'm drinking better. I have an amazing feeling of happiness and freedom, which is giving me a great attitude towards my journey. I'm doing better with the meds.

What needs improvement - still a way to go with the meds and vits. Also activity, I must get back into my life. I'm enjoying my internet socialising way too much! I have to start editing again, (I work with fiction authors), pick up that crochet, and most importantly...get into my studio and melt glass.

Tomorrow is my debut as the new me :) I have a friend visiting in the morning and in the afternoon is my PA's daughter's first birthday party. Her mum is like a daughter to us and we love the baby to bits. There will be a party food buffet, my downfall, and I know there will be nothing there I can eat, so I will eat before and take a nice iced drink to have there. It doesn't have to be about the food, its about one year with our beautiful grandpixie.

If you're reading this because you're considering a sleeve I say this, as Iong as you understand the sleeve won't do it for you, then go for it. It's the best decision you'll ever make.

I have photos on my phone but RS won't let me upload them, bah!

Please join RealSelf or sign in.

0 Comments

Hope this works

4 Comments

The peace and joy emanates from your writing; it is so obviously and blissfully clear that you are finding an inner calm with things that is helping you transition into a new way of living. I am also encouraged to read how realistic you look at things. Enough about you, now about me (ha). Today marked the first official day of the Pride Festival here and a friend and I spent most of the day traipsing around the festival like atmosphere, my friend attempting to acquire as many 'freebies' as she could and me enjoying the people watching and chatting with the vendors and representatives of the various booths. When we came upon a booth that was focused on helping people with various eating disorders, I found myself telling the woman next to me about YOU--about how this intelligent, talented and engaging person knew that she needed outside assistance and got it--and so could she. The woman seemed really grateful to hear the encouragement via you (and the lady at the booth seemed a bit ticked off that I had commandeered the discussion) and I was struck by the whole idea of the interconnectedness of life. So there you go--you were with me at the Pride Festival in Minnesota, USA. Coolios.
  • Reply
Now that brings tears to my eyes! It sounds like you had a great time, my apologies to the lady you hijacked but that's very funny :) I like hearing about you so ha yourself :)
I love reading your posts, they are never boring! I really enjoy how self aware you are by listing things that are going well and things that need improvement. One of my biggest fears is that I won't be able to change after the surgery, but you are showing me that it's a process that has to be taken one day at a time. Keep up the good work!
  • Reply

Definitely an emotional component to this process.

There I was as happy as the eponymous Larry the other day and now I feel...flat. Yesterday I slept most of the day, didn't drink enough and didn't eat at all. I think Sunday wore me out more than I realised, I'm sure if I was up and walking I'd feel worse from not eating enough. I really am going to work on my drinking and protein.

Bowels - lack of movement in thereof. As I mentioned before, all my muscles are weak and that includes my bowel, I can only 'go' when I really need to. Today I went a little but that was the first time for about five days, how is everyone else in this respect? I suppose it's the lack of volume and fibre so today I am drinking mango pulp mixed with orange, lemon and apple juices. I've had an ounce of salmon and I'm plugging away at a protein shake.

Another reason for the lowness could be that I don't take my iron all the time and I'm not consistent with my anti depressants. I have no excuse here, other than I just don't make myself swallow them. Vitamins have been an issue, the first tablets made me sick, so hubby bought a spray, ditto. I'm going to get some Bassetts Chewy Vitamins tomorrow.

If I had to pick one reason for my lack of enthusiasm for anything I would say it's 'sadness'. I believe I am grieving for my previous relationship with food and the, temporary, pleasure it brought to me. The day doesn't seem as structured now I'm not grazing all the time and the evenings seem so long. I know it will pass though, when I see the psychiatrist I'll talk to him about it.

Losing weight is a great motivator but we have to wait to see the results, and I can only weigh in clinic, food however is instant gratification. And I've always been about that. I just have to shake myself up and stop lounging around with the iPad. No wonder I'm bored, apart from the party the only places I have been are the doctors and the hospital! It's summer and I should be out there.

I don't mean to bring anyone down but I think it bears saying that there could be an element of grief for the old lifestyle, especially before the new one really makes itself known.

Hope you're all doing great!

8 Comments

Hi Allie! Just stopping by o check on you. I know the first few months can be the hardest! But I do want you to know that it does get better with time and although it may not seem that way right now it will eventually. I just read your update and just want to say hang in there. There are going to be days you're going to be happy and days you're going to be sad and you may even cry because this is really difficult, it's life changing and a HUGE!!!!! adjustment from what we are use to. But let me tell you as time goes on it becomes a normal everyday thing and it's your new lifestyle so you'll do it without thinking about it. I am so happy for you and I am here for you throughout the good and the bad. Good Luck sweetie!
  • Reply
Oh thank you! You know you're my role model, I admire the way you've done this. And you're right, it took me years to learn all those bad habits and make them my way of life, it will take more than two and a half weeks to unlearn them! Thanks again.

Vitamin issue solved...

As I've said I've found it hard to take my multivitamin because they make me sick. The dietician wants me to take two (not sure why as they are 100% recommended daily average for everything), we even tried a vit spray, oh yack. But today I found the vitamin holy grail...they are soft, chewy, and have such a nice berry flavour it seemed like a treat, I just chewed em up really small. It's a Brit brand but I'm sure there must be something similar over the pond.

One of my favourite cheerleaders suggested I may be deficient in Vitamin D, and the symptoms definitely fit, I'm going to have it checked. I think there is vitamin D in the Adcal tablets....which I'm also not taking.

Finally I had a call from my GP (MD), the hospital discharge letter grassed me up for not taking all my myositis meds and she was checking up on me...I had a lecture :)

So, here's my promise to me (and my cheerleaders), from now on I will take all my vitamins and my meds, I will also make a serious effort to drink more. In addition to that I am abandoning my iPad during the day and will start being more active, in any way that I can, my knee is much better so there goes that excuse.

You're all my witnesses!

6 Comments

Yay!  So glad to hear you'd not having trouble with the vitamins anymore!  One reason they may recommend two vitamins is that you are not eating as much food as others do, for whom the regular dose is one, if that makes sense.  It's a supplement, not a replacement.  Also, I am guessing some vits are more difficult for you to get now that part of your stomach is gone, so you may need a larger dose.  Finally, some dosages in vitamins are old-fashioned doses (like Vit. D) so I'm very glad to hear you're getting that test (I assume the 25-hydroxy test.)  I used to take 2000 IU Vit. D2 per day and I was still deficient because it turned out I wasn't able to use the D2 form.  Once I switched to D3, taking 2000IU/day was sufficient.  But the standard dose in a vitamin is closer to 400 IU--which wasn't sufficient for me.  Everyone is different.  I wonder whether doctors of post-bariatric-surgery patients give extra blood tests to make sure the vitamin levels are good?
  • Reply
Funny, I have to make a serious effort to drink less...[waah waah waah waah...!!!]. Rah rah, sis boom bah, baby!
  • Reply
I just came across your story and found it a great read. We started out very close to the same weight, 363 for me. I am 4 weeks post op tomorrow. Down 26 from surgery for a total of 52 down with all the pre op, also hoping to lose half. I look forward to keeping up with your progress!
  • Reply

Pics

5 Comments

That makes sense!
Boom tish, we're here all week folks :)
Thank you. Me too, keep us updated!

The solution.

I asked hubby to help me get on track with my drinking and meds and this is what he came up with. I can earn up to a pound a day, collected at the end of the month, and stickers. Lol. So funny but I hope it works. Isn't he the best hubby ever?

3 Comments

I have always believed in the power of bribery. #fulltimeteacher
  • Reply
LOVE it! He is a great husband to support you in this. Now do him proud and show him you can be a great wife and earn those stickers and that money!
  • Reply
I earnt 90p yesterday and I'm on track today. He's amazing, not just through this, up he came to see me every day for three years when I was in hospital, despite working a 50 hr week and getting up at 2am.

In need of reassurance.

Hello all. I've done much better these last few days with my water and meds, it's 5pm and I've drunk more already that I was getting in a whole day. But now there's a new problem, I'm so full of water I can't eat!

I follow advice and stop drinking at least 30 minutes before any food, I don't drink with my meals and I can't drink for about an hour afterward, I do all this and yet I still can't eat more than two tablespoons of food. I suppose I should up my protein shakes so I'm getting enough of that at least, but then won't that mean I eat less? They really fill me up. I'm not worried about starving to death or anything, and I feel okay, just a bit tired and weak but it's hard to know if that's this or my myositis, both have the same symptoms. I'm taking my vits so I should be okay on that score.

I was expecting to be including some other stuff into my diet now, albeit puréed. I eat less that half a cup of food per day, is this okay? Or should I be having more protein drinks too? I know we should never compare, but I have read on here where people are hungry after surgery, I never am, and on another website where people can eat half a cup of food per meal. And they're eating three times a day to my twice. (Breakfast is a protein shake).

So my questions are to those who have passed this stage (3 weeks post op) how often do you eat and how much at a sitting on average? How many ounces/ml of protein do you drink? And what is your other fluid intake?

Please be honest, no one is here to judge anyone, I'm the first to admit I could do much better. But I am following orders as to food texture.

I don't really enjoy anything food wise now, maybe that's the texture. Last night I had carrot and sweet potato heavily mashed, and some blitzed white fish. I ate the fish first but when I tried to eat the mash I knew I'd gone too far and I was a bit sick.

Does anyone else find it hard to know when enough is enough? It's not like I'm satisfying my hunger and then stopping, because I wasn't hungry to start with.

Even throwing up is different, please ignore if you're eating :), before it seemed to come from deep in the guts, now it's just what's in my oesophagus. Which makes sense as it's not going down into the sleeve.

Part of me is glad I have such great restriction, and I need to remember that just because I am outwardly healed and fine, it's only been 21 days since I had major trauma to my stomach, it must still be swollen, you think?

Come on vets, what's the deal :)??

Please join RealSelf or sign in.

0 Comments

Forgot to say

I'm not as active as an able bodied person so I do need less calories, maybe that's why I'm not hungry?

8 Comments

You shouldn't be able to eat 1/2 cup food at this stage. Your stomach is still swollen and it's very small. You need to get your protein in and if that comes from shakes, then that's fine. At this stage, how much you're eating (as long as you're not eating too much) isn't that concerning as long as you're getting your protein and fluid in.

Take your time, your body will tell you when it's time to up your food intake. :-)
  • Reply
Also, throwing up is definitely different now. I find (and part of this is because we take pills to reduce stomach acid) that acid and bile no longer come up. You really do simply throw up the extra stuff that can't get down and that is sitting above your stomach.
Me too. I have to start drinking more protein, that much is clear.

The issues never really go away.

I've mentioned in other places on here about the book I've been reading called Ultimate Gastric Sleeve Success by Duc Vuong, a US bariatric surgeon. Some information was what I'd read in other places but it helped that it's set out in one place and in sections.

Dr Vuong says that the first 6/9 months are the most effective time for your sleeve and therefore the best time to lose weight. He advises getting as much as you can off in that time, before you can eat more normally and it becomes harder.

I was thinking about this tonight. At three and half weeks out my stomach is still swollen, some people believe the opening can be as small as half an inch, so even if I wanted to eat my trigger foods, I can't. I know now that my food issues will never go away completely and I will always have to control them. This evening we went to a concert at our niece's school, and when we came home it was much later than we would normally eat. As a result, every other concert we have attended we have stopped on the way home for fast food (just for me, husband follows a very strict and healthy diet), so of course tonight my brain is in that mode. I wanted that takeaway, oh how I wanted it. So much so I was furious because I knew I couldn't have it. Thank goodness for three things, husband wouldn't eat the leftovers if I did buy it, I couldn't eat enough of it to make it worth while, and I CANNOT throw away good food. Not willfully like that anyway, buying it knowing I would throw away 95%, part is because it's a waste of money and part is guilt at the waste.

This is where Dr Vuong and I disagree. He says if you're going out to eat and you want steak, buy the most expensive cut there is, fillet mignon if they have it, he says you're worth it, and what you don't eat, throw away. You deserve to eat the best you can afford. Wow does that stick in my throat! Spending £25 on steak and then throwing it in the bin, when people are starving in this world? No way doc!

But when will it become okay? When I can eat 25%? Half of it? Even half a portion of fish and chips is way too many calories and huge amounts of fat.

So yeah, I'll always want it I think. I need to use the sleeve to the utmost while it's still so restrictive and pray I can learn to say no to myself when it's not. It's never going to be easy, but I'm going to give it my best shot.

Please join RealSelf or sign in.

0 Comments

And for those across the pond...

This is fish and chips.

5 Comments

Everything sounds right like it should - when I was at three weeks I could barely eat real food - I went back and forth to the liquid diet and puree'd. The protein shakes are awesome - and even if you are drinking them - they DO count as actual food! I have one every morning for breakfast. You are doing awesome!
  • Reply
I remember when I lost all my weight the one food I gave up was pasta because I just couldn't make myself just have 3/4 of a cup when I was used to having a huge bowl full. I couldn't wait until I had finished losing weight so I could treat myself to a big bowl of pasta - I had one forkful and put it down and I haven't had any since - I just completely lost my taste for it. I wish I could lose my taste for sweets. Maybe one day you will no longer have a knackering for fish and chips. I really have to admire what you are doing - I can never understand why people think that having any kind of gastric surgery is doing it the "easy" way. I think what you have to go through is far from easy. Keep drinking those protein shakes - your body needs as many nutrients as it can get. Let us know how you are doing with your stickers. Your husband sounds like a real gem.
  • Reply
He's great. Thank you for the kind words. It does get hard sometimes when I read news articles about people who've lost weight with diet and exercise and the comments all say they did it 'the proper way'. I needed help and I admitted it.

Post op visit with specialist nurse. I'm in the twos!

Yesterday I had a post op surgical visit, I'd completely forgotten about it and thought the next appointment was with the dietician in August, thank goodness hubby is on the ball!

I met my surgery buddy and she's had a rough time of it, she was readmitted for five days because of dehydration, which caused kidney damage, and she is having her incisions packed. She was diabetic post op but is now off her meds, and she lost over 14lbs!

The nurse was very pleased with my progress and couldn't believe how well I'd healed, especially as I take steroids and other healing inhibiting meds. Two of my scars are almost gone, in four weeks! Even more pleasing were the numbers, I'm down another 4.8kg which is 10.5 pounds, for a total of SIXTY SEVEN AND A HALF POUNDS. woo hoo! Of course this exceeds the 9 I needed for twoland, I'm 298.

Once I've lost another fifty, I'm hoping by the end of the year, I will ask my GP for a referral for physiotherapy (PT) to see what I can do about my leg muscles. I haven't a clue how to start thinking about transferring manually from the chair, but it's a goal!

They say I'm doing very well, despite my mobility problems.

And now a cautionary tale proving what we all know. There was another lady there who was done three weeks ago. She only eats cup a soups, (which she shouldn't have been because we were on clear liquids for two weeks) and swears blind she wasn't told to have protein drinks. Which is bollocks because they mention it at every group and it's in all the surgery literature. She said to me 'what's protein shakes?' - even when I explained she wasn't interested though. Her daughter says she drinks less than a glass a day. Guess what she lost? Nothing. She was upset but just wanted to blame everyone else.

Another lady had gained, three months out, and tried to use the muscle weighs more than fat excuse. Boy did they shoot her down, nicely, she was told she'd need to be training 8 hrs a day to be gaining enough muscle to outweigh the fat she should be losing. Of course she admitted to me she was eating a lot of cheese, pasta and bread...

We are our own worst enemies sometimes!

Anyway, the glass is calling to me. Time to drink my protein and make some beads, have a healthy day my girls!

12 Comments

Congratulations on your weight loss! I have to say that reading your story is awe-inspiring. You are so very brave and strong - you have the power to do this! I wish you all the best as you continue on your journey!!
  • Reply
Congratulations! That's an awesome weight loss. Keep it up!
  • Reply
What a FANTABULOUS result! Holy shmoly, 67.5 pounds!!! I am so happy for you!!! And like others, I am sooooo happy to read how you are responding to this recovery--so focused, and level! Woo hoo!
  • Reply

Stomach bugs are the pits!

Ugh what a week! On Tuesday I realised I hadn't had a BM for over a week, so I took a sennakot tablet....never again. I was in so much pain about six hours later and I've been on the loo ever since. The pain on Wednesday meant I didn't want to eat, so I just tried to drink as much as I could and took my vitamins. Thursday and yesterday I spent throwing up, even water. It was totally miserable as there was nothing to throw up and it's not normal being sick anymore. Plus it hurts! Luckily today, touch wood, I am keeping my fluids down so I'm hoping this is the end of it. It's tough to stay hydrated at the best of times and I certainly wasn't going to be readmitted for IV fluids. It doesn't help that it's so hot here (for the UK anyway).

Forgot to say in my last update, my BMI is down 10 points and my BP is now normal. Yay!

7 Comments

Congrats!!!!! Sounds like ur doing very good!!! Glad to hear that!! Keep it up doll
  • Reply
You're back! We missed you!!
Wow!  Normal BP!  Everything is on the right track--but so sorry about your stomach bug :(.  Hopefully you'll be right as rain by tomorrow!
  • Reply

Cool page made by Kirsty!

15 Comments

I've soooo enjoyed reading your real life story! I feel the same way as you do about the love of food, the habits of getting fast food, etc. We eat out alot so I don't have to cook and I know this will be a real problem for us. I need to hunker down and plan to cook healthier meals at home. Thank-you for helping me understand how this will affect me emotionally.
  • Reply
Wow Allie, you have an amazing story!! Your testimony is quite amazing and your strength is motivating. I can only pray that I have half the heart and perseverance that you have. My story feels insignificant to yours. Thank you for sharing. Take care!!
  • Reply
AllieGB- LOVING your updated profile pic. #lookinglikeyourlittlesister (and I'm not even sure if you have one). xoxo
  • Reply

I wish this phase would end.

I haven't been by in a while. Although i have been following you all, and I've written this update in my head so many times.

I feel awful. If I lie down flat, I vomit. The idea of food makes me nauseous. I have no interest in food at all and I don't enjoy anything I eat. If it were up to me, I just wouldn't. Everything tastes bad, even water. I was getting to the point where I could drink almost normally, not gulping of course but decent sized sips, but now I am back to week two standard, up it comes like foam.

----

At six weeks out I should be eating more normally. A friend who had a bypass told me this analogy, she said that the negatives of her surgery were the size of a tennis ball, and the positives the size of a beach ball, but when she feels down the beach ball can hide behind the tennis ball. I'm not experiencing the postives, my weight loss is just numbers, I'm in smaller clothes but that's it. Because I don't have the use of my legs I am not more mobile, I can't walk further than I used to, or climb stairs without getting out of breath. Health wise i feel worse than I did before the op. It doesn't matter that my thighs are smaller or my belly is reduced, I did this for my health!!!

----

I know I'll get through this. And I'll tell all this to the nurse at my next appointment. I also know several things have possibly caused my low mood. I couldn't ever keep down my anti depressants, so I haven't taken them for six weeks, after being on them for six years. I know you're not supposed to just stop, but the nurse said it wasn't like I had any choice. I am not taking all my meds for my myositis. There are twenty plus of them and I just throw them up if I try and take them all, however I space them out. I am terrified my myositis will flare and I'll end up back in hospital on a ventilator. I should talk to my rheumy about it, but I just can't face it. I feel so awful inside and out.

----

It's so hot here. I can't sleep at night so I sleep until noon most days. That puts me back with my drinking. All I want to do is cry but I feel too numb. Last night, mid throwing up, I said to myself 'why did you do this?' My husband heard me and said he wished I hadn't. That really hit me. He's been so supportive and done everything he can to help, but to know he wishes I hadn't done it, well it hit me hard. I wouldn't say I wished I hadn't had it done, because I know I'll get through this, but I wish I could just have a break from feeling this way. Just a few days off to be my old self. Maybe father in law was right, and eating was one of my few pleasures in life. I hated him for making me sound like such a sad case, but I'm a mess right now. So perhaps he had a point, it certainly feels like the joy drained away. I think I need to start back on my anti depressants, maybe half a dose, or see about another sort, I just wish I could face going to the doctor.

It has to get better soon.

18 Comments

Any pictures coming our way?
  • Reply
aww my dear, Im soo sorry your going through a tough time i really am....thank u very much for sharing how u really feel, your not alone at all...I have those days too especially right before my period. Your gonna get through this and it will be totally worth it!!!!! I promise! u feel like shit now but its ok cuz this too shall pass, hangin there and keep posting remember were all here for u!!!! stay strong dolll!!!
  • Reply
Thank you everyone, there's too many of you to thank individually, it really does help!
  • Reply

From bad to worse.

Thank goodness I'm seeing my GP on Tuesday because I don't think I can carry on like this. I've got to the stage where the sight and smell of food makes me feel sick. I'm throwing up at least once a day, even water is hard to keep down. I'm so scared about my polymyositis, I haven't taken my meds properly for seven weeks. I feel very weak but that could be the starvation. I'm trying hard to get my 30g protein drink down, but solid foods, a teaspoon and I'm done. I'm still taking my vitamins, but apart from that I'm living on ice lollies, I'll have lost a lot if weight by August 11th, but at what cost. I'm getting closer to wishing I hadn't done this.

27 Comments

So sorry you have been feeling sad. I hope to see a post from you soon seeing that thing have gotten better:-)
  • Reply
Has anyone heard from Allie?
  • Reply
Allie, I'm truly worried about you and hope we can find out what is going on with you soon! Loves and hugs from your friends! Hang in there
  • Reply
Professor Mennon.

The surgeons were Mr Menon and Mr Lam at UHCW in the UK.

Was this review helpful? 21 others found this helpful