Waiting for Sleevie Wonder...- United Kingdom, GB

Hi there, I am in the very early stages of the process of Sleeve Gastrectomy. I am forty five and have been overweight to some extent from around the age of six. In 2007 I was diagnosed with a rare auto immune disease which causes muscle weakness and extreme fatigue, among other symptoms. I am basically allergic to my muscles, my bodies macrophages (killer cells) treat my muscle tissue as though its a pathogen and much of it has been destroyed.

I spent three years in hospital, on life support for seven months and fed by tube for 2.5 years and still I gained weight, due to total inactivity and medications such as high doses of steroids, administered by IV. Unfortunately the illness has left me in a wheelchair, I am unable even to stand and need twenty four hour care.

After discharge in 2010 I returned to our adapted home, (I am married, no children) and continued to gain weight. My rheumatoid arthritis specialist, yes I have that too!!, referred me for surgery, something that has left me with very mixed emotions. At my first psych evaluation the doctor said he normally 'tries to talk people out of surgery', but he was trying to convince me to at least see the surgeon. He felt that my medication and lack of ability to exercise would make it very difficult to lose and keep off.

And we all know that's the crunch isn't it? Not regaining the weight!

Last year I lost about fifty pounds on a hospital supervised very low carb diet but it just isn't sustainable, I probably regained it, and I have too much to loose. I met with the Dietician last week and I am on a more balanced diet, I need to lose 42 pounds before surgery. Only once I've done this will I be able to start the two week liquid diet.

I am laughingly calling my prospective sleeve 'Stevie Wonder' but I know this isn't a wonder solution nor a magic wand. I catch myself thinking, 'I can't wait until after surgery and then I can eat 'nice' things but my sleeve will make me lose anyway'. NO. It's this thinking that got me here.

I don't know my exact weight as I have to be weighed in my chair, we think that weighs around 280 Lbs/127 kg by itself, it needs to be big because I am :( that's so shameful to admit and yet not one of you know me. I estimate I am about 300 lbs and I would like to be under eleven stone which is about 150 lbs/68kg. Phew all those conversions are hard. You see I think in stones and pounds (British), they weigh me in kilograms, and most people on here seem to use pounds. Either way I'm losing half of me.

Main concerns are recovery as I have to be turned in bed, dressed, and use a hoist. Recovery in relation to the twenty meds I take every day too. The main one about the op itself is going into hospital voluntarily, I spent three years there, away from my husband (we'd only ever spent one night apart) and all my friends and family, my beloved dogs who I didn't see for over a year, and frankly I think I must be mad to choose to go in again.

Last time I was supposed to be for four days and look how that turned out!

I'm not scared to die, I've come close too many times to care now, and I very much doubt I would, but infections etc scare me. As far as after its psychological, food has been so much to me for so long, it feels like they're asking me to get a divorce. I don't know how I'll be anything other than I am, it's been so long. I also worry about loose skin, I know I would never have an op to remove that, they have refused to do my gall bladder removal because of the risks. I guess at this point I'll die anyway if I don't lose weight.

It's not all doom lol. As any very overweight person will tell you, there comes a point where it's just too hard to continue being so big, maybe, just maybe I could stand if I lost enough weight and gained some muscle strength. I'd love to drive again!

150 pounds is what I weighed at 14, I don't even know what it's like to be a healthy weight.

Could maybe some peeps who've had gastric surgery, be it bypass or sleeve, tell me how it feels to be slim after many years of being heavy? I'd be so grateful for any insight.

So that's me - I will be weighed again in November and meet the Professor who will be doing my op, it's National Health Service (NHS) so it's no money to pay out and no insurance to convince, he just has to make the final decision as to whether I'll get through it. I have more psychology consults in October too. Until then it's

I'm lying awake thinking about my diet and surgery and something occurs to me. the Dietician said I had to lose just over 14kg/~3st/42 pounds. If five percent of my body weight is 42 pounds then I am in way more trouble than I thought...then I realised, I have to be weighed in my chair and she hasn't deducted its weight!!! And it weighs over 280 pounds, jeeze I'd be dead at the combined weights. I need to give her a call I think. The better news is I need to lose 17 pounds to satisfy the surgeon, phew!!!

I'm doing okay on the diet, I haven't had a day yet where I've gone over my allowance and I've even started eating breakfast! Before this I wouldn't eat until about six PM and then pick all evening until 11. I could get more calories in those five hours than is acceptable in a one day. I've found the lack of carbs hard, all my snacks and meals seemed to revolve around them, but we've found a way and I can eat a lot of veg to compensate. All this water loss means many trips to the loo. I'm trying to give up soda too as I won't be able to have that post op. I wish I could weigh at home to see if I've made progress.