I wasn't sure if I should post in the forum or here, but as I will hopefully be updating this over the next few months I thought it was better here.
My name is Gill and I'm 28 years old, and I hate my breast implants.
I have been lurking on this site for quite a while and reading people'sstories has been really inspirational. I wanted to start my story somewhere, apologies if this is the wrong place to post as I haven't yet booked my implant removal surgery, and it may be a few months before I can afford it...I really just wanted to write down how I'm feeling about it all.
I'm so angry at myself for being in this situation, I have only had my implants for a few years (since April 2009), but I feel like such a different person than I was then. The most irritating thing is that I researched and waited for years before finally having them done. I had wanted bigger boobs for as long as I can remember, maybe since I was about 16, but I waited until I was 24 and still really wanted them. At the time I remember feeling that I was making a grown up decision, having waited so long, but now I look back and see it was just based on insecurity and hoping that bigger breasts would solve all my problems....oh dear.
I read countless stories online, and although I was aware of the risks of things going wrong but I kept telling myself that I was in good health, and that the chances of it happening were small. I remember the mantra I used to tell myself as the surgery date got closer, it was 'if I don't get them, I will always wonder'. That seems quite ridiculous now. Looking back, I actually had nice little perky breasts that suited my frame, that looked good in dresses, not the oversized ones that stick out of my chest and make me look so frumpy.
I'm quite lucky that I have actually not had huge problems with them, they look ok (if a little big and bulky for my frame), and they feel ok (most of the time), and for a year or two they didn't bother me. Then about a year ago I started to notice pain and discomfort but it never lasted that long so I just pretended it was fine. In the last six months the pain has gotten worse, I now get pains down both my arms. This is mostly at night when I'm lying on my back (the only way I can sleep...oh how I long to sleep on my stomach again, or even on my side). Obviously since the PIP scandal I have been more aware of the potential for things to go wrong (I emailed my surgeon and he reassured me that I don't have PIPs, so I felt a bit better), but basically I'm just sick of them - sick of the worry and anxiety of waiting for something to go wrong. I'm worried about the long term effect on my health, and i'm just embarrassed that I ever thought it was a good idea to do this to myself.
Anyway, my financial situation has changed quite a bit from 4 years ago, I am now back in University, living on a very small amount and wondering how am I ever gonna fund the removal surgery. It will most likely be the end of this year, or longer before I have the money together and in the mean time the stress and worry will be horrible.
It's sad because overall I feel that I am in a good place, studying something that I love, with a good future ahead of me, but with this cloud of fear and anxiety about my health hanging over me until I get this sorted.
Anyway, sorry that was so long, thanks to anyone who read it. This is mainly for myself, a place to be open about how this had affected me, I haven't really told anyone in real life about it. If you can believe it, most people didn't really know that I had gotten implants (they were only 250cc's) and I got them done while I was working abroad for a few years, and I used to wear padded bras religiously so most people thought I had just put on a bit of weight. Anyway, I'm so angry and embarrassed at being in this ridiculous situation.
Thanks for reading, if anyone in a similar situation has any words of advice that would be great.
I will try to update in the next few months, I just wanted to get the ball rolling.